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Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

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82 comments

    1. StillGoinGreen

      Greatest pundit line so far was delivered by Lawrence O'Donnell last night: " GWB said that the truth of his presidency would take 50 years to be written – 2 years later, he has written this. Now, you can go spend $35 on this, or wait 50 years for the truth." Greatness with a capital GRRRREAT!

        1. StillGoinGreen

          No shit – I'll wait a couple weeks and it'll be in one of those Pakistani dollar stores. Right next to Sarah Palin's 54th booky thingy.

    1. Boredw/Gravity

      He actually planned to release it before the election, but was convinced otherwise by fellow Repub-types. I wonder why.

      1. SorosBot

        Bush probably thought it would have helped other Republicans; I really, really wish no one had disabused him of that notion.

  1. ttommyunger

    No WMD, thousands dead in NO while I played Air Guitar, hundreds of thousands of civilians dead and maimed due to my illegal Invasion of Iraq, thousands of dead in 9/11 attack, hundreds tortured with my blessings (maybe thousands, who knows), an economic meltdown not seen in 80 years, but the WORST thing that happened to me during my Presidency was some entertainer saying something mean about me. What an egocentric douche. A totally unredeemable piece of shit.

    1. GOPCrusher

      Watching Pickles's interview on Faux Noise Sunday a few months ago, these people have no idea of what they did to this country, nor feel any remorse for it.

  2. Thurman Munster IV

    If I wanted to puke this morning, I'd rummage in a dumpster looking for 12 day old egg salad. Please don't make me click on this video.

  3. CapeClod

    I never believed that he didn't care about black people. I was perfectly comfortable with the idea that he was just a titanic fuck-up.

    1. LionelHutzEsq

      Rumor has it that he was always very kind to the shoe shine boy at the country club…, at least until he sobered up.

    2. Negropolis

      I knew Bush never cared about black people. Kanye was technically correct on that point. But that only tells half the story. Bush didn't five a fuck about ANYBODY but himself, his family, and his businessme…I mean "friends".

      Everyone always talks about how full of himself Clinton was, but Bush is an honest-to-goodness textbook sociopath.

  4. SayItWithWookies

    Yeah, Dubya, that was a time when people were prone to outbursts. Like "somebody fucking help me, I'm drowning in my fucking attic." It's no wonder some of the things that were said were a little over the top — and it's not like Dubya's asking the poor to suffer and die in complete silence — just dial it down a little, okay?

  5. MoeDeLawn

    It's exhausting to try and think of something appropriate to wish upon this criminally stupid douche. So I'll read comments and parcel out thumbs to those who are less tired than I.

  6. Katydid

    What infuriates me is what's getting lost in this focusing on whether Conway was calling dubya a racist is the fact that NEARLY 2,000 Americans, many (most?) of them Black, DIED in New Orleans on Bush's watch. That's two-thirds of the death toll of 9/11, but it's never talked about it in that way. Fucking W can run around all he wants squawking about how he kept 'Americans safe after 9/11, but he didn't.

    Nearly two fucking thousand dead Americans, on W's watch. Absorb that. No wonder Conway said what he said. More than a few people were thinking it. And I really, really, fucking doubt that W would have done nothing if Greenwich, CT, were under water.

    Also too, buttsechs, to apologize for my rant.

    1. Chet Kincaid

      "That little fucker from the Carol Burnett show? Why does he care what ah think of black people? Pass the pretzels."

    2. LionelHutzEsq

      When Muslims kill Americans, that is an event that cannot be forgotten, and requires us to remake our society into a fascist, paranoid state where the government can't be question.

      When the President kills Americans, well that is just the breaks.

      Except if the President is black, in which case he must be questioned and blamed for everything.

      It is quite straight forward.

  7. SorosBot

    Kanye had it slightly wrong, because the truth is more that Bush doesn't care about poor people, regardless of race. Besides, he can't be a racist, some of his best Secretaries of State are black!

    But he was still pretty fucking close to the mark; and Taylor Swift still really is an aggressively mediocre, talentless hack.

      1. SorosBot

        OK, a mediocre, talentless purveyor of bad treacly music whose popularity is based entirely on her looks then. She also needs to read enough to know basic cultural touchstones, because really you should not want your love to be like Romeo and Juliet's; maybe she only got to the end of Act IV.

        1. Advn2rgirl

          Okay, I'm going to speak up for my girl because everyone's entitled to be young, dumb, and full of … enthusiasm at least once in their life and because nobody calls bs on male pop stars who are just as good/bad and because Kanye's move was still dickish as all get-out.

          You know why I love Taylor? I watched her on SNL the night of her 18th birthday when she performed live there and she was so happy at the audience reaction to her 1st song that she just jumped for joy. People should be damned grateful to be rockstars, dammit, and they should look like they are having fun when hundreds of people clap for them and tell them they're awesome. It's pretty freakin' cool and you shouldn't be blase' about it.

          She's no Patsy Cline but neither was Patsy, at first. (That said, the "I was a Scarlet Letter" line is the one that really bugs me. WTF?)

        2. LionelHutzEsq

          A love-struck Romeo sings the streetsus serenade
          Laying everybody low with a love song that he made.
          Finds a streetlight, steps out of the shade
          Says something like, "You and me babe, how about it?"

          1. ShaveTheWhales

            I assume you quote this with appropriate reverence to Mark, because Dire Straits was just about the only thing that allowed me to survive the Disco Era.

      2. Chet Kincaid

        Taylor's Momma did not give her sufficient assets to shake, and that is why she is inferior to Beyonce in muted videos.

    1. Negropolis

      "Aggressively mediocre".

      If I'm ever going to remember that when describing her and many others in the future. Thanks. Perhaps, I'll up the ante and call her "serially mediocre".

    1. StillGoinGreen

      Nah, you heard the story about him wanting to fuck his Mom's friend at the "dinner party" didn't you? He'd need to tell that same story, but replace "Mom" with "daughter" to get in R. Kelly's posse.

  8. BornInATrailer

    Even with the pain he felt, he can appreciate what Kanye said. W has always been a jar half full kinda guy.

  9. SheriffRoscoe

    Matt Lauer: "You have talked about your faith. You're a man of faith. Does your faith allow you to forgive?"

    Oh my fucking god. Somebody fucking shoot me.

    1. kenlayisalive

      "Well Brian, let's just say when the Iraqi people decide to apologize to me, I might accept it."

      Seriously though. Can you remember the last time one of these high-end reporters (I mean the Broadcast and Cable guys) asked a real question? And didn't let the interviewee get away with a bullshit answer? And the interviewee didn't have all the questions beforehand?

    2. elviouslyqueer

      What's even more infuriating is seeing Dubya's folksy, shit-eating grin reaction. "Oh, of course I can forgive Kanye, since at the end of the day my faith assures me that I was once The Decider in Chief, but he'll always be some shiftless, mouthy nigger."

      1. LionelHutzEsq

        And my faith has led me to find forgiveness for all those poor people in Louisiana who died in Katrina. I know they did not do it just to make me look bad.

  10. SheriffRoscoe

    Yeah, if I want to see a guy giving another guy a reach around, I've got my stash of interracial porn thank you very much.

  11. SheriffRoscoe

    I don't care what you do after you shoot me as long as you make sure I'm good and dead. Seriously, Matt Lauer? Seriously?

  12. freakishlywrong

    Ugh. That vacuous grin. That smug shrugging, ("thanks for blaming the black guy!"). I could jump in a time machine and go light years in to the future, and NO, I wouldn't miss ya yet.

  13. kenlayisalive

    I can't think of a punishment good enough for this guy. And to be out selling books while the country is in its death throe because of all the problems he started? While there are still daily suicide bombings in Iraq? While we're still struggling with an economy that he collapsed?

    Shrub just tires to come off as the one who has been hurt in all of this. As if someone saying something mean about him was worse than when he heard about 9/11, or Hurricane Katrina, or going to soldier's funerals, or the Shuttle blowing up, or when they'd find all those headless, tortured with drills, bodies in Iraq.

    The man is epically mentally ill or something. I can't put my finger on exactly why this guy is such a monumental piece of human garbage.

    1. SayItWithWookies

      It's because you don't have enough fingers. Seriously though, I watched his whole damn interview on Monday night with Lauer and Dubya has this tendency to completely avoid the complete moral awfulness of his decisions — it's like he'd be fine with being a terrible president if the job were a 100% abstraction — but as soon as Lauer mentioned human life lost or going to war for no reason or outing Valerie Plame, Dubya just stiffened up, got evasive, said he didn't want to argue this or that point and that people should really just buy his book and find out for themselves.

      1. SayItWithWookies

        (and why the hell does this thing always tell me I have to cut up my comments?! Anyway, continued):

        Really — and his lessons from Katrina? He should never have had his picture taken looking out the window of Air Force One because it was bad visuals, and Haley Barbour had praised Mike Brown, so on that basis he told him "heckuva job, Brownie," and the press had a field day with it. Oh also, it was Louisiana Governor Kathleen Blanco's dithering that kept National Guard troops from springing into action, and he couldn't do anything sooner because it would look bad if he sent troops into a black city. So this politician who says he doesn't care about what people think apparently bases all his decisions on what it'll do to his image and pins all his regrets on little PR missteps. That's his whole fucking presidency for you — do whatever you want, and make sure the press secretary puts a good face on it.

        1. kenlayisalive

          Exactly. Wow, Katrina was just such a fiasco. Exposed so much racism through the whole country. The way people (and the media) were imagining the Super Dome, and all the "rapes" and "murders" that turned out not to be true at all. The racist American imagination.

          But, they got exactly what they wanted, right? A majority white city. That's the end result. Everything GWB did turned out just right for what he wanted. As if he cared about the WMD or the people pushed out of New Orleans. The end results are all the same. A majority white city, troops in Iraq for as long as the right wants them there. The tax cuts – those will stay in place guaranteed.

          And that's why it's so disturbing that there has been no attempt to say "Our country did some awful things, and it is time to make those things right". Nope. There is just "We must move forward." And, the funny thing is, from a purely cynical standpoint, it would have been amazing politics! Obama would have cleaned up if he had just expressed the truth and the sense of justice most Americans wanted at that time. But no. He just was "We have to move forward". Now we have all the moral standing of the driver in a hit-and-run.

          No justice at all. I'm sick to my stomach now.

          1. Chet Kincaid

            I disagree with you on Obama. That is not what he ran on, that is what hardcore libtards projected on him. The uncomfortable truth is the people who elected him did want to move forward.

          2. kenlayisalive

            Well, I do think he purposefully ran a campaign by which he could be painted with any brush. I wouldn't throw the projection entirely on the libtards. He won the primaries because he came off as more anti-war and more genuinely progressive than Hillary (which I still believe is true, though I think I voted for Mr. $400 hairdo preggers-fucker because I was working for a union).

            I also feel like there is some confusion on this "people who elected him" thing. Like when Obama lets Gibbs talk shit about the "pro-left". I mean, those are people who really went out of their way. I don't think he'd have gotten elected without the real organizers (unions, community and progressive orgs) showing up, and traveling to register voters – especially in Virginia and North Carolina. So I think, kind of, the people who elected him did want those things, but maybe he had different ideas. Though you're definitely right about the politicians who backed him though, I mean, so many dems would have explaining to do if he brought all the stuff about the war again.

            I hear you though. He never explicitly said he was going to inflict some pain on the repugs for their fuck ups. But I certainly think it was part of the strategy to make you think that he might. And he did say he was going to fix their mistakes, but he hasn't been able to put the politics together to get it done.

            So maybe I don't have a point, I'm just being idealistic. But if it isn't his job to make things right, then whose is it? And from a purely political standpoint, when will he realize that he is going to lose big on this path of compromise? I guess we'll see how 2012 goes.

          3. Chet Kincaid

            All fair points, and I do agree with you about his constant compromise-talk. I was really irritated by his interview on 60 Minutes, apologizing for the very mild political jabs he has taken over the last 3 years. It's as if Tim Duncan wrote a hand-written apology every time he fouled somebody. I don't understand why he doesn't understand that telling the truth about your opponents is not "out of control rhetoric."

            I sometimes think Obama reflexively feels that he has to appear nonthreatening at all times to get anywhere at all with white people. It really doesn't matter, Barry! The rightwingers suspect and assume the worst, no matter what you say or do, and the leftwingers can't get over their expectation that a Black President would be hard-left to the core, so it's not you!

          4. kenlayisalive

            Haha. You're right, he is so super delicate with his opponents feelings. And they don't give a fuck about his. Hitler mustaches, et al. Really just plainly disrespectful.

            But it totally makes me sad if he feels like there is some way he has to act because he is Black. I mean, I thought his election wasn't like, some evidence that here was one man who had crossed some weird racist barrier of being white enough or respectable enough or something. To me it was about the majority coming to its senses and taking people at face value (and also, not just that white people are not racist now, but the sheer fact of the changing face of America and the empowerment of Black people, and immigrants of all colors, he represents all these things).

            I think Americans liked this smoking, skinny, smart guy. Period. And the majority, by a good margin, went into the booth and checked his name. Remember how people thought maybe people would get into the booth and then NOT vote for him, because of secret racism? It didn't happen, and it was awesome.

            Maybe the left has been too harsh, but I think we're all saying "We love you Barry! We're just a little disappointed, but don't take it personally." And if he doesn't see that, it's sad for a bunch of reasons.

            But the real truth is what you said at the end. The racist right is just going to be awful, and people on the left are expecting too much, because maybe we were hoping he'd be a secret black panther. Which is sort of, if not racist, then pretty just dumb.

            Anyway, maybe I'm personally too harsh. I just want him to gather the troops and lead us out of this fucking miserable state we're in. That's all. I do feel like he'd do basically the right thing if he'd just collect himself, say fuck the rethugs, and go for it.

      2. kenlayisalive

        I'm so disgusted by him. One of the greatest monsters in history. I really believe that. The conduit through which all the evil of Dick Cheney and the neocons was made slightly palatable and then unleashed upon the world. A dumb, drunk, clown of a frat boy cynically made most powerful man on Earth.

        And how Obama couldn't (wouldn't) capitalize on the disdain for this man and his policies, that's the only thing more mysterious, and fundamentally more disturbing. Because evil happens all the time, but when there is no justice after the fact, that's what is really heartbreaking.

        1. Negropolis

          I'm sure I can think up a few ways Obama could have manuevered better to capitalize on the disdain Dubya, but the hard truth is that at the end of the day, at worst, he's "that nigger who stole the White House" to the degenerate mouth-breathers, and the "magic negro who didn't pan out to be so magical after all" to well meaning, but still subconsciously racist independents.

          I said this throughout the primaries, but subconciously, A LOT of people voted for this guy to fail. We've come a long way, but we have a helluva long way to go, too. There are still a lot of well-meaning racist (there is such a thing) who still haven't come to grips with their own personal racism and prejudiced that try to keep hidden deep inside.

          1. kenlayisalive

            Well, I can't argue with that. Racism is insidious.

            But another aspect is that it isn't just a matter of white people and what white people do and think anyway. There is sort of this structural breakdown of the whole white supremacist structure due to America's changing racial composition.

            The white supremacists are scared because they know they're losing that privileged status (esp. in rural areas and the South). That's why they are so up in arms. It's no coincidence that the hatred for Obama AND the anti-immigrant fervor AND the anti-muslim fervor is all happening at the same time. Obama is like the symbolic catalyst for this.

            I have always figured he would bring these assholes out of from under their rocks. Now what?

          2. Negropolis

            THAT is the question I've been asking myself ever since it became apparent that Obama would win the presidential election. "Now what?" indeed. Honestly, I don't know the answer.

            Personally, as a black man, I'd like Obama to summon the courage he had during his election campaign, forget about being re-elected, and just do some shit, like some transformational shit, instead of tweaking a shit-brick house. I want a whole "I don't care if you hate on me" vibe coming out of the White House instead of this feeling of besiegement. This man has the greatest bully pulpit in the world, literally. USE IT, damnit!

  14. imissopus

    Why the fuck is Kanye West letting him off the hook anyway? Kanye called him out on a lack of empathy for a horrible situation and his response is "waaaaah, my feelings are hurt." Typical Bush: it doesn't matter how I performed, what matters is how I feel. If he had been a Democrat the conservatives would be mocking him worse than they ever mocked Clinton or Carter.

    1. PublicLuxury

      Kanye is just wanting to stop hearing about it. He wants to stop the chimp from yapping cause Kanye is loosing his mind hearing his smug arrogant shtick. He wants to say STFU george. Just like I wanted to do for 8 years.

  15. DemmeFatale

    I wanted to see blood in the streets after these neo-con assholes were kicked out of office. Thanks a lot, Obama and co. (I'm looking at you, Rahm).

  16. SudsMcKenzie

    Wasnt it his mom Babs (baby in a jar) who said "And so many of the people in the arena here, you know, were underprivileged anyway, so this–this (she chuckles slightly) is working very well for them."

    Fuckin Cunt!

  17. PublicLuxury

    I thought I wouldn't have to see his smirk. Or hear his lies. Or listen to how great he was and how it was somebody else's fault. Or watch him swagger. Or wish that I could hang him by the balls with piano wire. Or wish that he had been in NOLA during Katrina trying to get out before he drown… Is this disrespectful?

  18. cropter

    Bush loves the country and was willing to serve. He resisted trying to blame others for his mistakes. I appreciate his willingness to serve and restraint in commenting on our current leadership.

  19. Negropolis

    This man is SICK if that wasn't already apparent. Here he is holding a grudge against a fucking rapper, for god's sake. Kanye-fucking-West, the talented douchebag who offends every-damned-body. The dude that ruined a teenagers award ceremony.

    Really, George? Are you THAT fucking petty and thin-skinned you silverspoon-fed bastard?

    Karma, don't fail me now. Come around and his this fucker hard and quick.

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