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Doh'Donnell & the Grifter.Sarah Palin, the most perfect living human being since Jesus, made absolutely perfect Senate picks — all of them lost. In several cases, her vain and idiotic intrusions cost the GOP perfectly safe races. Just to bring back the sweet memories of Election Day 2010, here are the Senate candidates “helped” by Palin: Sharron Angle in Nevada, John Raese in West Virginia, Carly Fiorina in California, Joe Miller in Alaska and Christine O’Donnell in Delaware. Those last two spectacular failures can be blamed on a specific kind of moronic meddling that should be trademarked by Palin: Her support of Joe Miller was nothing more than the latest rotten fruit of her longstanding grudge against popular Alaskan Republican Lisa Murkowski, and her backing of loony lightweight Christine O’Donnell seemed to be based on nothing beyond Palin seeing a reflection of her vapid self in the empty eyes of a Delaware never-was.

It’s okay to mention these comical facts, as long as you don’t have anything to do with the Republican Party or its special-education outreach unit, the Tea Party. But Louisiana GOP Congressman Spencer Bachus is a Republican, and apparently wants to continue his political career without the modern-day equivalent of finding a racehorse head in your sheets.

So to avoid Palin’s Twitter Terrorism, Rep. Spencer Bachus has put out a half-assed apology for blaming the Alaska grifter for costing the GOP the Senate. Last week, Bachus told a gathering of Republicans what anybody who can read already knew: That Palin’s dingbat endorsements and campaign circus act cost the Republicans utterly safe seats such as the one Mike Castle was expected to easily win in Delaware.

Questioned by the Associated Press Tuesday following his anti-Palin comments, a spokesperson for Bachus, Tim Johnson, downplayed the remark, saying it had been taken out of context …. Johnson added that Rep. Bachus was “extremely complimentary” of both Palin and the Tea Party, according to the AP.

Out of context? What, was he actually talking about an alternate dimension? [CBS News]

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  • Texan_Bulldog

    Sounds like someone woke up next to a severed bear head…don't dick with the Mama Grizzly, Spencer!

    • mumbly_joe

      Each Mama Grizzly is worth infinite Senate seats, after all, you betcha, over there, also, like and such-as.

    • petehammer

      Considering how many children she has, I think she's been dicked plenty.

  • Badonkadonkette

    Sarah Palin did cost the Republicans the Senate. And no one should ever apologize to Palin for saying that. Thank her, maybe, but apologize, never.

  • taylormattd

    I think I like the masturbating witch's crazy O-face better than the grifter's.

    • Tundra Grifter

      That's a piece of good news!

    • kenlayisalive

      I'm compiling a list of things I'd like to put into Christine O's gaping mouth.

      It is a pretty long and diverse list comprising many items, some of which are body parts of mine and some of which are not.

    • Whatever

      I have to agree (not that means much) and she don't have the screechies (as much). Oh, and more masturbation (with video) please.

      (can't) (stop) (using) (…)

  • neiltheblaze

    What a wimpy little puss.

    • Banelm

      Yeah really. Basic literacy + spineless… Why isn't he a democrat??

  • mannacler

    As long as the 'bagger crowd can keep the rest of the GOP cowed the Democrats have a chance in 2012.

    • Tundra Grifter

      The Legend of the Bagger Dance?

    • DustBowlBlues

      A few things in life never change. True animal lovers have their hearts broken early and often. Okie are dumb as a bag of hammers. The Democrats' only hope is for the Republithugs to self-destruct.

      • OhNoGuy

        Just wait, this knife fight hasn't even got started.

  • fuflans

    "The Republican Party or its special-education outreach unit, the Tea Party…"

    oh, sweet.

    • elfgoldsackring

      Yeah, love that line!

    • OhNoGuy

      Pitch that to them properly and they'll probably use it on their letterhead.

  • "I hope my Republican colleagues have gotten the message this time. Voters want the local county school board to spend their money, not the federal government," Bachus added.

    Yes. Voters don't want the local county school board to spend the federal government.

    • fundamentallybroken

      And if it's the teabaggers we're talking about, they don't even want the local school board spending their money. The more educated the populace, the less likely they'll be susceptible to populist stupidity.

      • And, apparently, populist stupidity = poor grammar.

        • V572625694

          Well, duh!

      • DustBowlBlues

        It's been the Republican strategy in Oklahoma for the last sixty years–starting when this state was still a part of the New Deal Democrats. And looked out how well it's worked for Republicans!

        • LibrulEleet

          It was called Indian Territory back then, right?

    • DustBowlBlues

      You have a good eye, sir or whatever you are.

    • These assholes want local municipalities to spend our federal taxes? Have they even seen how easy it is to corrupt a local school board?

      • finallyhappy

        Absolutely- and school board is how people try to start a polticial career- more power and more money up the line. Education- what's that?

    • zhubajie

      So why doesn't Xtine O. run for school board or dog-catcher or something like that? She might win.

  • Beetagger

    Boy, that's a dick-shrinkin' picture for sure…

    • kenlayisalive

      I guess, I mean if you're not into having a really stupid woman give you a blow job with two thumbs up your ass.

      • Beetagger

        Ok, you've made me reconsider…

      • Crank_Tango

        We haven't really heard about her bj skills, which she pretty much has to have if she likes to get naked and not put out. I am thinking it involves a lot of teeth, and not the right amount, but too much, and an annoying amount of flicking the head with her tongue.
        But what the hell, I'll give her a shot.

        • kenlayisalive

          I don't know, I think she could do some good with that mouth. I bet you can feel her chubby little cheeks on the sides of…er, gotta go…

    • BarackMyWorld

      If you really think that, you're clearly not as big a perv as the rest of us.

    • JustPixelz

      Usually it's when those two open their mouths that they get ugly, but Christine is kinda cute for some reason. I can't put my finger on it….

  • Worthly Wokette Skum

    Ha, ha. Now Bachus has to ride in the back of the short bus.

  • memzilla

    An endorsement from Caribou Barbie is the political equivalent of a black hole's Schwarzchild Radius, beyond which everything is pulled into irresistable suckfultude. It's also why I'm considering going Fifth Column and changing my registration to Republitard, just so I can help get her nominated.

    • Beowoof

      Where can I get my SARAH 2012 sticker?

    • VinnyThePooh

      Don't forget the brain-frying radiation emanating from her mouth.

    • zhubajie

      Be careful! Remember Vonnegut's _Mother Night_! What you pretend to be is what you become.

  • guangho

    Awesome. PalinWorship has now moved on to (mild) PalinCriticism which will morph into PalinOverthrow (I hope) on November 5 2012. But until then, please please please keep Sarah in your hearts…err pants (these ARE Republicans) and worship the diety. She is a real American and perhaps, if the GOP keeps it up, their entire congressional leadership will be able to see Russia from their house.

    O/T but sweet: http://www.theonion.com/articles/last-remaining-p

    "In the meantime, DeFazio is broadcasting a tape loop across all remaining D.C.-area radio bands in which he declares: "This is Peter DeFazio of Oregon's 4th Congressional District. If there are any elected officials out there who can hear this, know that you are not alone. Come to 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. as soon as you can. It's time to start again."

    "Everything is just so quiet now," DeFazio said later as he fished press secretary Robert Gibbs' corpse from the Reflecting Pool on the National Mall. "Quieter than it's ever been before. Something about it is almost…peaceful."

    Sources confirmed that while searching for a fertile female politician with whom to repopulate Congress, DeFazio discovered the body of a still-breathing Christine O'Donnell and crushed her neck with the heel of his shoe "

    • petehammer

      YAY! I live in his district!

      • guangho

        How is it? I've been talking to UO folk.
        DeFazio seems like the awesomest dude around now that Charlie Rangel will probably go to jail and Feingold is gone. (Still hate writing that sentence.)

        • petehammer

          Well, my mind is blown that nutjob Art Robinson (public education should be abolished/is child abuse, lets put radiation in our walls because it is good for us) got high 30s low 40s of the vote in a very liberal area of the country. It makes me a bit concerned. Other than that, Eugene is still overrun with terrible street youth, businesses are closing, and the county is gonna lay off a crapton of people. But the nature/weather is very nice!

          DeFazio is a pretty cool dude, and according to the Onion article, will be the last one alive in DC after the massive day of violence.

    • Sparky_McGruff

      DeFazio would so kick ass. He'd drive over the rubble in his '63 Dodge Dart and wipe the blood of the fallen on his bald head. Awesome.

  • HedonismBot

    "..was he actually talking about an alternate dimension?"
    If the Tealizard people are done using their alternate dimension, can I move in? They've wrecked our reality-based world, and a universe made entirely of fantasy is sounding pretty appealing.

    • SorosBot

      They're still living in the alternate dimension; it's the one where the universe is only 6,000 years old, the Bible is a history book, the Founding Fathers were all Christian, the Civil War was fought over abstract ideology of states' rights and not slavery, FDR created the Depression instead of ending it, the fascists and Nazis were liberals, the Southern Democrats did not defect to the GOP over civil rights, and there is no such thing as man-made global warming.

      • DustBowlBlues

        You forgot one: the Rs actually were the true champions of civil rights because Byrd, a Democrat, filibustered the Civil Rights Act, and it was opposed by southern Democrats. They never add that the ones, other than Byrd, who wanted to stay in the senate became Republithugs, where they got a nice, big, huggy-bear, winger welcome.

      • zhubajie

        And that just because they and their kids are lazy and ignorant and know nothing about math or science is no reason for other countries to become richer and more developed!

  • Gopherit

    He better apologize. He doesn't want her coming to LA and campaigning for him.

  • Tundra Grifter

    "I was quoted out of context" is the classic excuse used by someone caught with his – or her – pants around the ankles and with nothing, nothing, else to offer in the way of a reasonable – believable – explanation.

    It's right up there with the Tea Bagger excuse when someone at one of their little events is photographed with an obnoxious sign. "Must be a plant."

    • OneYieldRegular

      "I was quoted out of context" also usually means that the "context" was to be provided later, after audience feedback.

    • SorosBot

      Or someone caught telling the truth when it's impolitic.

    • OhNoGuy

      "Must be a plant." If the IQ fits……….

  • V572625694

    When I told the judge my ex-wife was a lying drug-addled slattern who squandered every dollar she ever had, abused our children, slept with the neighbor's son, and sabotaged my career, my remarks were taken out of context.

  • CapnFatback

    Sarah Palin, the most perfect living human being since Jesus, made absolutely perfect Senate picks — all of them lost.

    This is bad news for Bristol's DWTS chances.

    Yet, strangely, good news for John McCain.

  • aisai

    If you're not careful, Bachus, Snowbilly will send Joe Miller to handcuff you to a radiator and break your legs with a lead pipe.

    She calls it "an offer you can't refudiate"

  • ttommyunger

    It is undeniable that Palin & Co. cost the Repugs the Senate. Just like Dubya cost them the White House. I'm fond of telling my Rightard Obama-Haters, "Don't blame me, I only voted for Barry once, Dubya herded millions of Independent votes Obama's way just by being such a fuck-up he poisoned the well for Repugs. If you voted for Bush, then by extension, you are responsible for putting the first black man in the Oval Office.

    • jim89048

      In my wanderings while canvassing, I ran across many people who decided against Jammacain because of his vice pick, so St. $arah cost the pubs a lot of votes then, too. Also.

      • ttommyunger

        Let there be no doubt!

      • Bonzos_Bed_Time

        Yeah, my mom was one of them. Would not vote for her under any condition.

        Go Mom!

  • bitchincamaro2

    Somewhere (everywhere) I read that horny, older white males ("all of 'em, Charlie!") comprise Palin's loyal base. If that's true, and it's also generally true that more females vote than do males, doesn't it stand to reason that in red states, at least, the inherent mental superiority of the fairer sex prevailed at the polls and horny white males proved themselves to be nothing more than that?

    Or is it this double Dewers talking?

    • BarackMyWorld

      Following this logic, Republicans better be glad Jennifer Granholm was born in Canada.

      • bitchincamaro2

        Considering the last pol from MI to inhabit the WH was a Ford, I don't think they have too much to worry about on that score. The utter idiocy of term limits is underscored by her absence from the current scene, however. The fact that she had great legs has nothing to do with it. Absolutely nothing.

    • Beowoof

      Well yeah, they all think they're going to get a chance with Sarah, also too. But they better remember she is only in it for the big money dick these days.

  • It's the Dewers, dude. But I don't blame you, I've been drinking heavily since November 02.

    I thought Idiocracy was a comedy, damnit!
    ~

    • bitchincamaro2

      I think you're right. I misspelled Dewar"s. Bartender!

      • natoslug

        I wish I could join you in a Dewar's. Unfortunately, after spending the 3rd through the 7th pretty much constantly drunk, I've come down with something and the booze doesn't make me feel that great. After a few days sober, I'm sure I'll be ready to return to professional drinking though.

        • Lascauxcaveman

          "Professional Drinking?" Look buddy, you don't have to lord it over us just because you have a job.

          • natoslug

            Ha! I guess officially my title is "Software Engineer" but "Professional Drunk" seems much more accurate, especially as I learn to accept how lazy so many of my fellow leftists are when it comes to midterm voting. Fortunately, I have no pilot's license, and feel that the IRS is merely inefficient and not collecting enough taxes rather than evil and trying to oppress us through taxation.

    • Beowoof

      Idiocracy is future documentary on the effects a Palin presidency, with Christine O as Secretary of State.

  • fuflans

    i wonder how many baggers are on that carnival cruise ship stuck in the pacific with no a/c or hot food.

    glad i'm not with them.

    • Beowoof

      We are all passengers on that USS of A which seems to be having the same problem.

    • transfatz

      I have to admit I had a laugh when I heard that the military was airlifting them food. I can just see the cruisers lining up for their MREs.

  • V572625694

    Here's an extremely boring writer from "Slate" (Nancy Dickerson's boy John) whining that Snowbilly denied him his First Amendment rights on her Twat:
    http://www.slate.com/id/2274216/

    Hard to know who to hate more.

  • edgydrifter

    When he called her a "dingbat shit-tard," he meant that in a good way. It was a compliment. See? Context is everything.

  • Bluestatelibel

    In the interests of fairness and freedom, I think it's only right that American hero Sarah Palin should now be required to choose ALL Republican Senate candidates.

  • BklynIlluminati

    Today in the Journal of American Medicine the curious case of reverse puberty. Outbreak of ascension of gonads in Republican men. Symptoms apologizing, high pitched voices and acne

    • Beowoof

      However their urge to fap constantly to her picture fades as the disease progresses.

      • guangho

        This is also the time certain repressed desires surface, often in midwestern airport bathrooms.

  • OneYieldRegular

    Guy's lucky he wasn't tarred and feathered, considering the kind of people directing criticism at him.

  • Beowoof

    Winky Winky
    Spencer thinks
    Sarah is stinky.

  • BarackMyWorld

    Were I a Republican, I'd be afraid of putting a Palin 2012 bumper sticker on my car out of fear it might crash, too.

    • rocktonsam

      or quit

    • Beowoof

      I don't know, I am thinking a party switch may be in order just for the opportunity to vote for her in the NYS primary.

  • chickensmack

    So he's going to earn Palin points because he's too much of a pussy to stick to his guns about the fact that she sucks…?

    I think I finally understand why you Republicans think you can cut the deficit by slashing taxes.

  • Blendergoathead

    I hope Spencer doesn't have a brother with an outdoor propane bbq grill, b/c the 'tards are going to cut that fuel line like nobody's business.

    • DustBowlBlues

      I can't believe I'm the only one to give you a thumbs up on that one and I'm grief-stricken.

  • metamarcisf

    Are you sure you're not "makin' this up"? 'cause I just used the search function at America's news source, Fox, and typed in Spencer Bachus and all I got was this headline: "Alabama Rep. Bachus Says 17 House Members Are Socialists". The story goes on to decry the cast and crew members of the Fox medical series for their communist views.

  • SorosBot

    Sarah is to politics what Jim Cramer is to the stock market.

  • metamarcisf

    Are you sure you're not "makin' this up"? 'cause I just used the search function at America's news source, Fox, and typed in Spencer Bachus and all I got was this headline: "Alabama Rep. Bachus Says 17 House Members Are Socialists". The story goes on to decry the cast and crew members of the Fox medical series for their anti-American views.

  • metamarcisf

    socialist

  • metamarcisf

    The word "s o c i a l i s t" is now banned on this site

  • metamarcisf

    Are you sure you're not "makin' this up"? 'cause I just used the search function at America's news source, Fox, and typed in Spencer Bachus and all I got was this headline: "Alabama Rep. Bachus Says 17 House Members Are S o c i a l i s t s". The story goes on to decry the cast and crew members of the Fox medical series for their anti-American views.

  • BarackMyWorld
    • OhNoGuy

      That's her "Look, Ma! One each hand!" face.

  • DaSandman

    So the mutual thumbs up…is that the new "We like dick" signal?

    • VinnyThePooh

      Thumbs up their asses. Thumbs up their asses.

  • metamarcisf

    Are you sure you're not "makin' this up"? 'cause I just used the search function at America's news source, Fox, and typed in Spencer Bachus and all I got was this headline: "Alabama Rep. Bachus Says 17 House Members Are THIS WORD CENSORED BY THE ADMINSTRATOR". The story goes on to decry the cast members of the Fox medical series for their anti-American views.

  • "I was quoted out of context" means "I was quoted"

  • predilectrix

    Bachus is just the latest to test the waters, but the momentum is building to dethrone Queen Grift, and I'm sure Rove and his sleazemongers are already concocting the plans. It'll be fascinating to watch them swiftboat one of their own.

    • DustBowlBlues

      Good point. Rove is the king, isn't he? The rainmaker/architect. The real question: On which side will Rush put his considerable (and completely gross, btw) weight?

      Nice to have something to smile at. The weiner/terrier mix we adopted after she was dumped disappeared. Or, "was" disappeared, by a coyote, we're guessing. No more tiny dogs for us. Well, unless someone dumps them on us in the dark of night.

    • zhubajie

      Can he prove she had kinky sex with Levi?

    • SorosBot

      Sarah Palin has an illegitimate black child!

    • GOPCrusher

      Its pretty comical to watch the Republiklans trying to distance themselves from the Tea Baggers now. They used them the last two years in order to regain control in the House. Too bad the Tea Baggers are too stupid to realize that they got played.

      • HELisforHEL

        Everything fueling them has been an act by men behind curtains–just another example of how stupid these people are. It reminds me of the christian right's pearl clutching after some of them-certainly not all-discovered that perhaps the repugs aren't all little angels tryin' to get elected to do jeebus' work in 2004.

  • CessnaDriver

    When are the repugs going to wake up and notice that the Quitta got where she is by screwing over other repugs?

    • predilectrix

      She's an equal opportunity screwer. If there's someone to slice open, pour salt into, and claim they've done it to her, she's there. A samurai of screwing.

    • VinnyThePooh

      That cheese is slow to digest.

      Prop or jet?

  • transfatz

    Who could be surprised that post-election Republican affection for the Tea Party resembles the warm and fuzzy afterglow of airport restroom stall sex.

  • I did want to call this guy a pussy. But then I remember what I've learned from Dan Savage and so I proudly say, "You sir, are nothing but a SCROTUM. Yes, a scrotum. You're weak, you protect nothing, you're totally influenced by outside factors, you're thin-skinned, and frankly, you're ugly."

    Calling him a pussy would be far too much of a compliment.

  • VinnyThePooh

    When is St. Sarah's televised crucifixion?

  • HistoriCat

    The repubs already had to toe the line for Rush – now they have to toe it for Sarah too? Man, if those two ever start butting heads we could be in for some real entertainment.

    • DustBowlBlues

      My guess would have been Beck vs. Palin, but Rove has all the money, so he may kick them all in the ass and retake the White House.

      • GOPCrusher

        I'll go with Beck/Palin/Bachmann vs. Rove/Limbaugh.

  • obfuscator2

    what has four thumbs and a combined i.q. equivalent to that of a slowly drying wombat turd?

    these two assheads.

  • "Those last two spectacular failures can be blamed on a specific kind of moronic meddling that should be trademarked by Palin: Her support of Joe Miller was nothing more than the latest rotten fruit of her longstanding grudge against popular Alaskan Republican Lisa Murkowski, and her backing of loony lightweight Christine O’Donnell seemed to be based on nothing beyond Palin seeing a reflection of her vapid self in the empty eyes of a Delaware never-was."

    Kudos!

  • Also, in other news, Rick Perry recently said something rational about Muslims, a bobbing mote amid a sea of nonsense.
    http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?stor

    Anyway, that one part sounded vaguely… presidential. Dare I hope for the dream ticket?

    • BarackMyWorld

      I found his views on states' rights and pollution to be interesting….until I remembered that their air doesn't tend to stay confined within the borders of Texas.

      • BarackMyWorld

        I looked up the numbers, and apparently in a state with almost 25 million people, only 2.7 million voted for Perry last week, and he still won.

    • OhNoGuy

      He was quoted out of context. Dummy.

  • mavenmaven

    The most important Palin endorsement is still in the race. Bristol.

    • SorosBot

      It's worth one vote on an absentee ballot that's never sent in.

      • NorthStarSpanx

        Using Levi and a girlfriend to admit to mom she was pregnant, using a national magazine to tell mom she was re-engaged, and using a British tabloid to admit to mom that she didn't send in her absentee ballot are some major things that Bristol seems to keep from Mama Grizzly.

        Does Sarah know about her next grandbun in the oven yet? How will this one be revealed? Bristol, you can't use Oprah since you didn't use her Out to not foolishly and righteously commit to Abstaining from sex until you were married. . .

  • chicken_thief

    Bachus was probably pretty proud of himself for bashing the witless Grifter. Until that email arrived from Toad…..

  • zhubajie

    Senator Bacchus?

  • SnarkoMarx

    That picture looks like a "who does the best Fonzie impersonation" contest in special ed class.

  • BombyMcGee

    A note on style – can we please cease with the capitalization of the "tea party"? It's not an actual political party. There are official titles for component sub-groups within the tea party (i.e. Tea Party Patriots, Arizona Tea Party, Nazis), but the umbrella term "tea party" ought not be capitalized.

    • OhNoGuy

      Does the same go for "shit heads"?

      • HELisforHEL

        aren't they one and the same?

  • NorthStarSpanx

    When "No Comment" has entropied to the point of arbitrary citizen's arrests, curb stomping or unilateral one-sided politicking from Facebook / Twitter, or simply fleeing from the press for today's Republican and their Fetus Jar (the Tea Party) – "taken out of context," seems a pretty reasonable response.

  • SecretMuslin

    "Spencer Bachus" sounds like the name of a democrat. Perhaps he's just a secret plant meant to cause friction in the otherwise perfecly in lockstep Republican party… I speculate, you decide…

  • MLite

    Spencer isn't from Louisiana, but Alabama. He was my Congressman growing up and my folks still live in his district. He may be an idiot, but he's our idiot. Actually strange that he was even attempting to call Palin out, his last big quotes were about dirty Socialists in Congress and the gay marriage being a greater danger than losing Vietnam/Iraq/World War III. Maybe she's just horning in on his crazy. Alas, Democrats never even try running against him, and the district is too WASPy to go for a Teabagger in the primary.

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