What was this missile that lit up the sky over Los Angeles last night? Obviously, most smart people immediately thought this was the work of either the Pleiadians or the Reptilians, as Colleen Thomas warned us about yesterday. Yet, why didn’t it feel like we all exploded and died yesterday? And could it really be that the effete Hollywood liberal Lizard People were the only ones brave enough to do this?
Or perhaps Wonketteers were THE ONLY ONES not abducted, as we were the only ones to listen to her warning. That’s probably what happened. Hooray! Let’s all meet up at Colleen’s awesome party at her cool house!
Yeah! Bedrooms! Ceiling fans! A cat! WE MUST PROTECT THIS HOUSE! (But we’d also need to pitch in and fix that pool. Gross!)
When asked, however, what he thought it might be, the former ambassador said it could possibly have been a missile test timed as a demonstration of American military might as President Obama tours Asia.
“It could be a test-firing of an intercontinental ballistic missile from a submarine … to demonstrate, mainly to Asia, that we can do that,” speculated Ellsworth.
Ellsworth said such tests were carried out in the Atlantic to demonstrate America’s power to the Soviets, when there was a Soviet Union, but he doesn’t believe an ICBM has previously been tested by the U.S. over the Pacific.
Replace “demonstration of American military might” with “demonstration of Pleiadian space might,” and you’re on the right track, FORMER NATO AMBASSADOR WHO PROBABLY EXPLODED YESTERDAY BECAUSE HE DIDN’T LISTEN TO COLLEEN.
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The launch appeared to come from the direction of Michael Bay's house.
Like, we couldn't before…!?!? Was the whole Cold War a giant bluff? Joke's on you, Ivan.
Wasss'up? My boy-oy-oy Al Kida frum Comptom shot his wad and da white peoples are going insane.
My theory was it was Michael Savage fapping to the latest Bristol Palin DWTS samba.
Any fool can see that's the planet Venus.
That's an interesting theory. I lean toward weather balloon, myself, though in fairness I've seen swamp gas reflections that look an awful lot like that.
Mulder?
Nahh, Mulder leaves a thinner, more cirrus-like contrail.
Swamp gas.
If you look closely, some kid just taped a penny on the lens.
It "could have been" a missile test-fired from a submarine. Wow, thanks Dr. Science! It came from 35 miles off the coast so unless we have secret missile bases on the bottom of the fucking ocean, I guess a submarine's a pretty safe bet!
But secret missile bases on the bottom of the ocean would be awesome.
…"And that is to have sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads!"
And we got 'em!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ohio_class_submarine
Everybody knows how it works, right? There's five or six of them out there at any time, each with a bunch of MIRVed-warhead ICBMs that can reach any target in the world. They stay below and don't communicate with anybody, except once every month or so, one of them comes up, listens for the all-clear signal, probably from a transmitter on top of Neilist's bunker, or maybe the Pentagon. If the right signal is given, all's well and the sub goes back down. If not, it's the end of the world.
Sleep tight!
Great, I've been back in LA less than four weeks and already there's a live-action Tom Clancy adventure going on.
I had sex in one of these badboys once. I'm anti-war but its kind of hot being ten feet from a thermonuclear warhead. You get a sense of the chickenhawk war boner syndrome.
Pics or GTFO.
No, no, no.
The Ohio boats communicate with my Secret Double-Wide Command Center Trailer And Survival Shelter by way of Extremely Low Frequency ("ELF") radio:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Extremely_low_freque...
That way the subs don't have to surface, or even run up an antenna, before Blowing All Of You Liberal Communist Pinko SKUM To Bits pursuant to My Secret Orders.
Neilist
Watching The Big Board
Under A Mountain Someplace, Waiting For The Big One
Those are just the ones you know about. It’s OPLAN 4102 all over again, I tell you…
Were you a submariner, Neilist?
Ah, Wikipedia. More reliable than Jane's when it comes to military equipment and tactics.
I'm sure "Asians" are going to be duly impressed by a missile launch 35 miles off the CA coast… if they ever hear about it.
Well, it probably got the attention of all those "Asians" in San Francisco.
We don't know what it was, or where it came from, or where it went (just like the Druids!!), so of course we should be totally relaxed about it. The nation shrugs it's collective shoulders at big-ass mystery missiles.
"Missle, schmissle – but did you see that 69 year old lady DJ? She gets down! It's AWESOME!"
Someone, somewhere made a biiiig oopsie, and is now being shipped to the American equivalent of Siberia: Wasilia, AK
Where has Cheney been lately, anyway?
Don't be silly. Cheney doesn't miss.
A missile in LA. No biggie.
A mosque in NY. PANIC!!
It was the rage of Palin and the purity of O'Donnell made real on this earth. The Repugs gave the bitchs missles.
Everybody relax. It was just an optical illusion caused by the sunlight bouncing off Meg Whitman's forehead.
What? Too soon?
I love how everyone keeps saying "the Homeland's not in any danger." Well, yes, genius, not from THAT one. If it had been a nuke, any danger would have been pretty f'ing apparent to everyone within about 5 minutes of launch.
But I'm going to go ahead and say that if there are people or THINGS (Cthulu) firing missiles off the coast of CA that we a) didn't know about in advance and b) can't actually confirm in retrospect, then there is a pretty significant danger to the Homeland. Or at least to LA.
Strangely, I'm good with that.
My money's on it being a reflected contrail from a passing aircraft. Contrails: not just for dispersing mind control chemicals any more!
I also love the part about "lighting up the night sky". Ummm, Colleen?
Sunset::night as Ass::Hole in the ground
Maybe Poseidon & the sea creatures are fed up with man messing in their environment leaving old ships, mines, oil, plastics etc. in the water. Could be a statement of might…leave this crap in my house, I'll use it against you!
I'd point out that "Poseidon" was the name of the SLBM that replaced Polaris (and in turn was replaced by the current Trident), but the irony it would be lost on you people.
The Pacific off the coast of California is home to the super-intelligent giant octopus…
The latest theory to explain this event states that it's nothing more than a jet contrail. Anyone who is hip to the latest conspiracy theories knows that this is only further proof that the Reptilians are using chemtrails to keep us passive til the great harvest. If these idiots and the teabaggers ever form an unholy alliance, we're all doomed.
And Obama just happens to be out of the country when this happens? How CONVENIENT! He's probably meeting with our new Reptilian overlords in Indonesia at this moment.
Or, think of it this way. That is a missile launched from California heading in the general direction of Indonesia.
Military coups, anyone?
Or have the Teabaggers gained missile technology?
Obama is Iron Man?
It's OK, Joebiden's got it.
I'm staying right here at the Holiday Inn in Cleveland. (Or it could be a room in the FEMA Camp made up to look like a Holiday Inn in Cleveland. I can't be sure about that.)
If you were staying at a Holiday Inn Express in Cleveland you would have a great deal more credibility (not to mention gravitas).
I am the Lizard King
I can do anything…
Jesus, isn't it obvious? It's the Russkies!
we can all see them from our houses now, if we look out our television windows.
You are saying that Sarah Palin is right?
Why, has this got something to do with quantitative easing?
Oh my, I just watched that crazy Colleen's vid. She is a loon.
It was probably my old buddy "Oslo" messing around. He holds something like 40 world records in model rocketry (ranging in classes from "impressive" to "insanely ridiculous") but is always getting into trouble by launching shit where it's technically not allowed.
dudes can launch a 16lb bowling ball over 5 miles up. Yee haa!
http://www.ahpra.org/BBrecord.htm
That's "amateur rocketry," not "model rocketry."
Gesh. Don't you Liberal Communist Pinko SKUM know ANYTHING about blowing shit up? After all my teachings?
:::Sigh:::
Pearls before swine . . . .
Neilist
Somewhere Downrange, Correcting For Windage
Such a sweet girl saying "the American Homeland" leaves me conflicted, like nudie pics of Eva Braun.
Kim Young Un trying out his birthday presents.
Welcome to The Rock.
/don't care that San Francisco is not So Cal
I would think the explanation is obvious. Schwarzenegger is not going anywhere without a fight.
Randy Quaid doing a sequel to Independence Day??
Kim Young Un trying out his birthday present.
The Indonesian guy Barack must know about this. It could a plot to destroy Amerrica., or it could be Skynet..who cares? woman give me some pork chop, its dinner time!!
Haha, and us olds were scared of Skylab…
This is good news for Kim Jong Il!
It was a new Judd Apatow movie doing a location shoot. Young slobs lighting their farts and getting the hot chick, SLO Hand, I think it's called
One more anchor babe.
Why does Fox hate America?
if it was a demonstration of american military might, it was maybe not so very impressive, being along the lines of a "demonstration that the american military might accidentally shoot off a missile and everyone involved lie like a dog about it."
Roseville? Half the town is a railroad yard, the other half is an abandonned HP factory. Definitely the kind of town aliens would choose to blend in.
Plus the connection: HP = Carly = Lizard People
Hey now! There's a feed store as well!
Wait a minute, wasn't Carly the one with the mutant red-eyed FCINO sheep? That's not a lizard I can believe in.
That's just our Governor-Elect heading up to his swank, orbiting spacepad to do some random old man shit.
It was Bristol Palin's fabulous Samba moment that finally lifted her off the stage in a blaze of dancing glory. She's on a fast track back to Wasilla as we speak, NORAD will have confirmation soon, as long as her trajectory does not overshoot Alaska and end her up in Russia, living amongst a group of unwashed reindeer herders. "That could be a step up for her", says Russian Fox News analyst Tongyn Cheek.
Srsly, I think jetliner contrail is the obvious answer (it's coming toward the helicopter and much higher, so appears to be climbing. But jeez, it LOOKS like a missile. Maybe the CIA has seekrut missiles they don't talk about? The Navy and Air Force tend to announce their missile launches with a resounding meh.
The Chinese and Russians don't actually have the gear to pull this off, so it's either a) seekrut CIA missile (for what? Shooting down secret terrist planes?) b) contrail (likeliest) c) Lizard people spacecraft.
It those new ICBMs that travel under 600 mph. You know, the ones made by Boeing.
WHAT GOOD IS YOUR PRECIOUS NOBLE PRIZE NOW NOBAMA?1!?!!?!!?!?!?!?
So Ellsworth's hypothesis is that this is Obama whipping out his cock in front of the Asians?
Dennis Quad is back in town testing out his ANTI-STARWACKER cruise missile technology.
I have to admit, it's fascinating to see the beginning of a hysterical right-wing chain email I will inevitably receive from my mother.
so? who's going to colleen's?
What the fuck, Missile?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tb4wfJDfYQ4
What the fuck indeed.
Damn, everybody calm down. It was just a promotional stunt for today's release of Call of Duty-Black Ops for the Xbox. Bill Gates wouldn't actually hurt anyone.
It was a shot across America's bow by the Chinese because they are all pissy and stuff because they traded their cheap plastic crap for cheap fiat dollars which are actually worth less (way less) than the cheap plastic crap.
Pay-up suckers!
Its the promo for the new Sharon Angle movie: "Attack of the Killer Teabaggers!"
Man…she and I have so much in common. She has a walk-in closet and I have a walk-in apartment.
My bad.
I thought all the good fireworks were illegal in SoCal…
Not hard to get- either buy them on the rez in Oregon or shop the surplus sales at TRW and Hughes.
So long, and you're welcome for all the fish.
Were this fired by the Taliban, it would be impressive, but nowadays even the Dallas Cowboys can fire a missle from a submarine. This was news in the sixties, however … I mean the Cowboys.
Yeah, but if it's the Cowboys the missile won't make it through the uprights.
But srsly, nice crib for such a crazy bitch.
God, guns and SLBMs made America free!
De-value your currency or eat nuke-tipped death, you Commie bastards!
Get some! Get some!
I need a few drinks to comment on this…give me an hour or so.
Has anyone blamed the Jews yet?
Rich Sanchez, but just to his deflated volleyball with a face drawn on it in his mom's basement.
They'll shut the airport down because someone brings nail polish remover on a plane. But yeah, some mystery ICBM spontaneously launched itself against China. Nothing to worry about. Seems sort of blase'.
After watching that video I have a strong feeling Colleen's house is going to be torched for insurance money sometime soon. The overkill of detail just screams pictures for the adjuster.
No worries everybody – Pentagon's just getting rid of some inventory. Ever since the Iranian Speedboats Of Doom scam fizzled they've been up to their clusters in ordinance, & one of their toys went off when somebody turned on the $48,000 coffee-machine.
Thanks to Colleen and her wonderful home-on-the-market slideshow, I can now entertain guests and protect my family against the Reptilian Revolution without having to sacrifice style!
If only GOP candidate John Raese in West Virginia had been elected we would have had a thousand lasers in space to shoot that missile down !!!1!
Or sharks with frikkin' laser-beams on their heads – just about as sane sounding. Also.
Before you all shoot this aircraft down, you might want to ask ask the folks in the America West flight from Honolulu to Phoenix, who were precisely at that location, at that altitude at that time saw outside of their plane. What, nothing? Wonder why.
West coast ASW assets asleep
SSN and P3 will feel the heat ~
So, my takeaway from this is Colleen is a down-market pornstar who isn't making enough munnies from youtube and can't afford to clean her pool or do landscaping, so all the movies are shot indoors. Yes?
No cameras allowed on board. Sorry. Can tell you it was in the top left bunk in the sonar bunk room on the USS Nevada. If that helps with the mental image you needed.
Ahem. I served on board boomers (ICBM launch-capable subs) for several years and participated in several test launches, so I can state authoritatively that, yess, that was a real missile. The brass says it wasn't ours, and they actually do acknowledge launches after the fact, soooo —
If you knew what I know, you would be pretty upset. Right now, the Pentagon PR doofuses are putting on a good show of "What, me worry?" but the phones are ringing across the planet as we all blissfully snark on.
What ships were you on? I lived on Bangor for a few years and had friends on the Henry M. Jackson, Nevada, and Ohio.
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