Mysterious (Lizard People) Missile Nearly Blows Up Los Angeles

What was this missile that lit up the sky over Los Angeles last night? Obviously, most smart people immediately thought this was the work of either the Pleiadians or the Reptilians, as Colleen Thomas warned us about yesterday. Yet, why didn't it feel like we all exploded and died yesterday? And could it really be that the effete Hollywood liberal Lizard People were the only ones brave enough to do this?

Or perhaps Wonketteers were THE ONLY ONES not abducted, as we were the only ones to listen to her warning. That's probably what happened. Hooray! Let's all meet up at Colleen's awesome party at her cool house!

Yeah! Bedrooms! Ceiling fans! A cat! WE MUST PROTECT THIS HOUSE! (But we'd also need to pitch in and fix that pool. Gross!)

When asked, however, what he thought it might be, the former ambassador said it could possibly have been a missile test timed as a demonstration of American military might as President Obama tours Asia.

"It could be a test-firing of an intercontinental ballistic missile from a submarine … to demonstrate, mainly to Asia, that we can do that," speculated Ellsworth.

Ellsworth said such tests were carried out in the Atlantic to demonstrate America's power to the Soviets, when there was a Soviet Union, but he doesn't believe an ICBM has previously been tested by the U.S. over the Pacific.

Replace "demonstration of American military might" with "demonstration of Pleiadian space might," and you're on the right track, FORMER NATO AMBASSADOR WHO PROBABLY EXPLODED YESTERDAY BECAUSE HE DIDN'T LISTEN TO COLLEEN.

 Celebrate. [ CBS ]