gandhi got fired too

Michigan Gay-Student Stalker Andrew Shirvell Finally Fired

Good night, stalker prince.THE HOMOSEXUAL AGENDA LIVES! Michigan assistant attorney general Andrew Shirvell has now been fired by Republican state Attorney General Mike Cox (the guy who previously defended this as an important First-Amendment right) for “harrassing” a college kid because he was in the student government and gay. Sorry, he was in the student government AND A GAY NAZI. So this is a good thing, him finally being fired! Yes, Cox’s dumb administration is already on its way out to make way for a new state attorney general, but it’s good that action has been taken against Shirvell so that children can now point at him on the street and make fun of him for getting fired. Also “fun”: this Shirvell douche called Nancy Pelosi to try to get her to “fire” this college kid.

Yeah! Good plan! That’s probably something the House Speaker can do!

Cox said Shirvell engaged in his campaign against Shirvell on company time and posted attacks on Armstrong on the Internet while at work.

“Finally, Shirvell lied to investigating assistant attorneys general on several occasions during his disciplinary hearing.”

Yes, sure he lied, but he was telling the truth about this college kid being a gay Nazi! Honest! The kid ALWAYS has an angry Nazi face and uniform when Shirvell has wet dreams about him.

Armstrong’s attorney, Deborah Gordon, issued a statement this afternoon in which she said the AG’s office made the correct decision. Gordon and Armstrong have filed complaints with the Michigan Grievance Commission, asking it to investigate Shirvell and possibly disbar him.

Which would only leave Shirvell with one option to make a living: Andrew Shirvell, P.I.: Gay-Nazi Undergrad Investigation Unit. [Detroit Free Press]

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Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

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103 comments

  1. kenlayisalive

    With one option left to make a living: 100% Heterosexual airport bathroom dick taster.

    And don't just zip up and leave folks, Andy works for tips now.

  2. PsycWench

    I hope to God the Michigan State Attorney General's office has come up with an application process in which checking off "yes" to "I am a closeted immature douchebag" is a deal-breaker.

    1. One_who_wanders

      Let's be frank the man has a law degree from Regent U, so the immature theocratic douchebag is sort of a given.

      1. PresBeeblebrox

        The fact that Regent, Liberty, and Ave Maria all have ABA-accredited law schools is proof that the ABA sucks salted rat dicks and is basically a accreditation mill. How many accredited law schools are there in the US again? (Answer: Too fucking many.)

  3. Mort_Sinclair

    Ten seconds into Anderson's Cooper with this guy and you know Shirvell is a seriously self-loathing closeted gay man. What a craptacularly pathetic piece of shit. Life must have been (and now will be) sheer hell for the Armstrong kid now that there's no longer a leash on Shirvell, though. Someone should lay a leetle Dee-troit muscle on Shirvell for the good of the nation.

  4. x111e7thst

    Fucking closet case Repukes. We have to have endless retarded wars and no healthcare because they are having trouble coming to terms with the fact that they really really want a beautiful college kid in a Nazi uniform to shove his huge dick down their throats.

    1. xzargo

      …because they are having trouble coming to terms with the fact that they really really want a beautiful college kid in a Nazi uniform to shove his huge dick down their throats…

      Please, can I be a Republican?

  5. Crank_Tango

    Shit, this reminds me that I am going to need to pick up a new homosexual agenda for 2011. I just hope there won't be any islamofascist scheduling conflicts…

    1. Katydid

      Yeah, the commie Marxist agenda is so 2008. Plus the colors are better with the homosexual agenda. Good choice.

  6. ShaveTheWhales

    Utterly off-topic, I just read a statement from some random Demo "political consultant" that DiFi is planning to run again. I sure hope not, because it would break my string of voting straight D at 42 years.

    1. Bonzos_Bed_Time

      Tell you who could walk into it is Villaraigosa. Even with his lady-issues. Him in the senate, Newsom as Gov., selling Riverside County to Arizona. Good times.

        1. Bonzos_Bed_Time

          Be careful what you ask for, they're pretty good at cookin' and might bring in some unwanted competition. This is America you know.

  7. miss_grundy

    Yep, he's probably a closet gay man who suffers from supreme self-loathing. When he finally comes out, most of Michigan will yawn and say, "we already knew you were, bud."

    1. sati_demise

      Then he will just have to go get cured of the gay, wont he?
      And then fall off the wagon.
      Get cured.
      Fall off.
      cured.
      fall.
      etc ad infinitum

  8. ifthethunderdontgetya

    Which would only leave Shirvell with one option to make a living: Andrew Shirvell, P.I.: Gay-Nazi Undergrad Investigation Unit.

    I predict he's a shoe-in for a job at one of Macho Andy Breitfart's sites. BigSelfDenyingHomos, or some such.
    ~

      1. Come here a minute

        My apologies for failing to provide a citation. I forgot about the segment on the Colbert Report where, rather than receiving the Colbert Bump™, Mr. Shirvell was NAILED.

  9. LionelHutzEsq

    Yes, sure he lied, but he was telling the truth about this college kid being a gay Nazi! Honest! The kid ALWAYS has an angry Nazi face and uniform when Shirvell has wet dreams about him.

    Shirvell had dreams of Armstrong running for Congress as a Republican from Ohio?

  10. the_problem_child

    "Cox said Shirvell engaged in his campaign against Shirvell on company time and posted attacks on Armstrong on the Internet while at work."

    That's gotta be some kind of cock-block joke.

    1. Radiotherapy

      weejee, how about the Owl tilting the "p" ball machine on the "Shrub in a jar" thread? Plus 190 and rolling. Monu-fucking-mental!!1!

  11. Texan_Bulldog

    This is a grown man stalking & harassing a college kid. I mean what man would spend one minute doing this unless the college kid knocked up his daughter, had sex with his wife or killed his dog? (None of which occurred.) I truly don't get it–he is one seriously disturbed fellow.

    1. Not_So_Much

      Simple, the college kid ignored his clumsy advances and voodoo didn't work either. Had no other options, really.

  12. seppdecker

    Will he get a job carrying luggage for Tony Perkins on his fabulous European vacations? Does Jeff Gannon need a cub reporter? Ken Mehlman put out any want ads for "manservant" at his trendy New York pad?

    The world is Andrew's oyster. It's very, VERY non-phallic oyster.

  13. fuflans

    poor little rat.

    there was that brief fab moment at the end of the jason jones interview when shirley knew he'd been had – and was done.

    i love that shit.

  14. Not_So_Much

    Andrew will be fine. He'll put on a cute little dress and some darling, strappy shoes and find some other, dirty, naughty, broad-chested young stud to treat him like the filthy-mouthed little whore that, not very deep down, he's always known he is…

  15. PublicLuxury

    Shirvile probably made a pass at Armstrong and was rebuked. Rebuked I tell ya. So Shirvile had to smite the infidel.

    1. Angry_Marmot

      Michigan is just another victim of global warming. There are islands of sanity, but the sea is rising around them.

  16. HistoriCat

    "Gay-Nazi Undergrad Investigation Unit" – worst Law and Order spin-off ever. Except for L&O Los Angeles.

  17. SayItWithWookies

    How admirable that the AG managed to fire a guy who stalked and harassed a private citizen for being gay on state time. The fact that it took him a mere two months to figure out how execrable that type of behavior is goes to his credit — if such a fair-minded person were the current pope, maybe tens of thousands of abused children would be able to see some justice. If The LORD saw fit to extend human life expectancy by a thousand years or so.

    1. PsycWench

      That's pretty much what I was thinking…there must have been some serious lawyering going on in those 2 months b/c all of this evidence was apparent at the time of the initial accusation.

  18. Jukesgrrl

    How about a show on The "Learning" Channel for Shirvell and XtineOD? They could work each other up into a total lather and that would end with a whimper, instead of a bang. At least we wouldn't have to worry about them making eight babies.

  19. comrad_darkness

    Armstrong sure judged this loser correctly when he dissed him at that gay party that one time. (What, that's not what happened??)

  20. Beowoof

    Come on this all about the college kid not wanting to fuck this guy. However, a side benefit he does now know where to find all the young college gay dick he can swallow.

  21. Negropolis

    Cox tried everything like hell to keep this guy on, but even that rapid Republican couldn't tar paper over the steaming pile of shit that is obviously closet-cased Andrew Shirvell.

  22. Negropolis

    BTW, wait for more crazy shit to come out of Michigan in the next few years. The GOP held both the AG and SoS offices, held the state senate, and won back the state house, supreme court and governors office. Ugh.

    The only good news is that the new governor is pro-city, pro-transit, anti-death penalty, pro-environment, pro-stem cell research, pro-civil unions Republican. So, he's part of the rare and elusive moderate Republicans that's all but extinct in this nation.

  23. ShaveTheWhales

    I feel a little bit like a whining Huffposter, but 5ish hours ago I posted two comments, right after the other. And they were both there on the comment thread, shining like Meg Whitman's forehead.

    One of them was about Dianne McFuckstein running for Senator yet again, which is gonna kill my "life-long Democrat" string, and it's still there.

    The other suggested that the real reason Shrivell got axed was that he insisted on showing his jarred fetus collection to the investigators. That one appears to have gone to jarbara heaven. Why, Karen, why?

  24. NorthStarSpanx

    Seriously sounds like Andy was trying to Troopergate this ignominious student leader who was teh gay. I'm sure we'll see him pop up in SarahPAC next filing as some sort of consultant. She appreciates abusing high-powered, well funded offices for personal vendettas.

    Cox shriveled Shrivell.

  25. finallyhappy

    We have openly gay legislators here in Maryland- so if a guy like this existed here- he'd be gone before it hit the papers. Our latest political news is dishonest robocalls by the GOP on election day mainly to black democrats telling them not to vote- but that is hardly news- is it?

  26. hagajim

    "Which would only leave Shirvell with one option to make a living: Andrew Shirvell, P.I.: Gay-Nazi Undergrad Investigation Unit."

    Not true – he can work for Fix News or the Politico.

  27. Sue4466

    When he was on The Daily Show it was galling to watch him complain about being targeted on the internet for the shit he was doing to this kid. He seemed completely disconnected from reality (seemed, because he is) and thought it made perfect sense to argue both that what he was doing was free speech and that the responses he was receiving were some kind of harassment. The GOP double standard is just breathtaking sometimes.

  28. onsitestudios

    This guy needs to be DISBARRED. He's ripe to become the next Roy Cohn. I can see it now: Andrew Shirvell hovering over Michele Bachmann's shoulder as she holds hearings for people espousing "un-American ideas".

    The United States already experienced an assault on liberty with the McCarthy hearings in the 50s. We don't need to go back to that again….EVER.

Comments are closed.