Sarah Palin’s Twitter Honors America’s Greatest Teenager, Bristol

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Take-away: future Chinese-food delivery girl.
Hey hey, Bristol Palin is still on that terrible dancing teevee show that makes her dress up as a pink-bowed gorilla furry! Sarah is very proud of her, because she is an important example for all incomprehensible vapid young media personalities: They’re going to criticize you anyway, so you may as well be substantive and stick to your ideals jive in a monkey costume on national television. Oh, but this is just one chapter in the Great White Teen’s road to “grace&diversity.”

Bristol was one of the trout.
Okay, we will buy the first two, but commercial fishing? Is Palin trying to tell us that girl has had an actual job? But sure, combining reality teevee with those three things every snowbilly white-bread backwoods Alaska teen does is the definition of being part African-American.

Who let this MASTER LOGICIAN get anywhere near a place of learning?
Oh, she’s an economist now. Right. Always seemed like she had a good handle on that stuff. [Twitter]

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138 comments

    1. GOPCrusher

      If she just would have stuck to the career path that would have made her a Master Baiter, she could have avoided that embarrassing teen pregnancy.

  1. chascates

    "Feds experiment w their future"? How about "roll of the dice experiments w their future" or "Jeebus experiments w their future"?

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      Miniaturization is all the rage. I mean, that little laptop has more computing power than a Cray mainframe from the 1970s. Apparently concentrates the stupidity too.

  2. jim89048

    Almost makes me wish I was stupid enough to have watched that show and knew how to vote a bitch DOWN!

  3. metamarcisf

    Commercial fishing? Yes, I'm afraid so. Bristol served as Cap'n Phil's cabin boy during season 3 of "Deadliest Catch".

  4. user-of-owls

    Ripping from her paws the infernal machine that allows Palin to ritually abuse our nation 140-characters at a time and smashing it back into rare earth elements?

    Now that is a take away!

  5. SorosBot

    Quantitative easing is pretty simple: it's something the Obama administration is planning on doing, so therefore in Palin's world it must be opposed even though she clearly has no idea what it is.

  6. SayItWithWookies

    The only quantitative easing Sarah Palin knows about is how John McCain's campaign team pried her VP concession speech out of her hands on election night. If she talks to kids about economics, their parents should just keep them home that day.

  7. iburl

    Was it Ghandi or MLK who first twittered: "They're going to be vapid illiterate media whores anyway, may as well tell kids who get knocked up to quit their education and DANCE!"

    1. StillGoinGreen

      I guess her diversity comes into play by proving she can dance with those kankles, as well as put them behind her ears!

  8. WriteyWriterton

    "…grace & diversity"? W. T. F? Did La Grifter mean "grace in adversity"?

    I thought Madame Lamestream-Media-Buster had a surrogate tweeter who had a passing familiarity with the language. Was I wrong about that, too? Have I been wrong about everything? Are you going to tell me next that Eric Cantor actually has a brain?

    1. MLite

      That's not fair! Just because his brain is orange, doesn't mean it's not a brain. Typical liberal reverse-racism! EXCLAMATION POINT!

      1. LionelHutzEsq

        Maybe she meant that by being a unwed Alaskan teen who has some income other than meth sales makes her diverse?

  9. JustPixelz

    Those feds experimenting with kids future! Reminds me of the Founding Fathers, experimenting with democracy. Luckily that worked out. (Not so much for the slaves until 1865, but still….)

  10. Fare la Volpe

    Okay, you can show kids the video on what happens to a young girl's toilet parts when she becomes a woman, and I'm okay with that. But I demand a permission slip if they're gonna force my kid to look at this twat head on.

    1. sati_demise

      good god, having that woman talk about economic to kids is one of the scariest horrific things I can think of.

  11. MLite

    Maybe, when Sarah is President, Bristol can be the Fed Chair and bring her common sense perspective to monetary policy. Even when the economy tanks, "at least she's just tryin soooo hard, gotta luv her effort!"

  12. OneYieldRegular

    "discussing QuantitativeEasing w kids around US so they prepare 4 Feds experiment w their future."

    Dubya, at least, was smart enough just to read them "My Pet Goat."

  13. problemwithcaring

    Is this going to be like the time she explained to the middle school student what the job of Vice President was?

  14. EdFlintstone

    When I look for a life lesson I always consult an unwed teenager mother first. Did I say life lesson? I meant hummer.

  15. Sgt_Biyatch

    Palin left out that her talk will be a video roundtable with herself and select 1st and 2nd graders from across the nation. Panel one's question will be, "What is quantitative easing?", and panel two will discuss "Why do Silly Bandz make marks on my wrist?"

  16. Gopherit

    A much better life lesson would have been to USE A CONDOM!!! Stupid Christian Snowbillies and their fucking and forgetting.

  17. PublicLuxury

    Sarah running for presnit in 140 characters or less. What will the debates sound like?

    UR Commie Soc wants 2 give $ 2 lib lazy blogger . . .

      1. PublicLuxury

        (non-snark) This is what scares me. I remember thinking they would NEVER elect W… I think we underestimate the Tundra Twit at our own peril…

  18. WarAndGee

    Look you knit-wit, we aren't going back to the gold standard, every economy prints money and has constructs for monetary policy to ease shocks in an economic down turn…

    What the fuck am I doing she can't understand that. Let me start over…

    LIKE YOU GIVE A FUCK ABOUT YOUR CHILDREN'S FUTURE! Look at what they are doing while you're out whoring for the corporate class – Your kids are pooping out there own babies and think they are doing Jesus's work dancing around in an ape suit on TV.

    Sarah, don't you see what a total fucking fraud you are? Don't you? Don't you? Please Sarah, wake up tomorrow and know your are a fraud and apologize to America. Do it for Christ.

  19. neiltheblaze

    I'm glad to see Bristol has the pluck to follow in her mom's grizzly pumps into the land of unfettered attention-whoredom. It isn't enough to simply be the whelp of a legend, you know – even though it did work out pretty good for Jonah Goldberg.

  20. edgydrifter

    The youth football team, the shop class, the commercial fishery: These aren't classes/jobs she had, they're the categories of guys who might someday need to line up with Levi to provide some paternity test samples. Which means, according to her mother, that she's now playing both sides in a big ol' Kurt Warner/Brandy sandwich. Diversity, indeed!

  21. SorosBot

    Bristol has shown a lot of diversity, by being both knocked up at 16 and an abstinence activist, and both in the Top 5 on a dancing show and an uncoordinated mess of a dancer, and both a famewhore and demanding that the media respect her privacy.

    1. Ducksworthy

      Or perhaps not so wrong. What if the reptilian Pleiadians are using the GOP to promote global warming prior to their colonization of earth? Has anyone tried to unzip Palin's human suit?

  22. chascates

    So once the right-wing eliminates reproductive choice and privatizes education all young girls can follow in Bristol's footsteps to glory on a tawdry teevee show.

  23. Ducksworthy

    Sarah Palin on Quantitative Easing- Socialisms more socialisms.

    Actually, I heard Dr. Ravi Batra last week describe it as "corruption". But since we can never again have taxes in the USAmurika printing money is the only way to pay for our wars on the browns.

  24. Rosie_Scenario

    Reminds me of that quotation: "Dance like no one's watching." Bristol is going one awkward step better — dance like you have no rhthym, never practiced, and are half-conscious — the Palinistas will vote for her anyway. Heck, why work when you can be a media whore. And Bristol's different from Levi, how?

  25. horsedreamer_1

    We all know Bristol's going to win & go on to host Family Feud (where she'll replace a black guy, Steve Harvey; a prelude to her mother's defeat of Barry Hussein in 2012?).

  26. BombyMcGee

    I think it's fairly clear to everyone that Brisket is still on the dancing show because Sarah's fans obsessively call in to vote for her every week.

    My question to them is, do they think Ms. Teen Supervirgin winning Dancing With The Stars somehow proves anything about her mom?

    1. SorosBot

      It means she'll keep popping up on the teevee, and they can fap away while pretending she's not hideous.

    2. anniegetyourfun

      What's also fairly clear is that the girl is pregnant AGAIN. Not that that will affect her fan base.

      1. Fuck Toad

        I think it is probably some combination of (1) Peggington Noonington being Jim Newell's particular hobby horse and (2) That time Peggy Noonan's lawyers forced Layne to take down a post about her being a slutty drunk and make a public statement that Nooners is not and is in no way shape or form a drunk.

  27. mavenmaven

    She doesn't "teach"anything to kids (what can she possibly understand about macroeconomics?) , she demonizes buzzwords. This will be her next "death panel".

  28. user-of-owls

    "And remember, children, you can't have a normal curve without these little crazy tails drifting off to the extremes on both ends. That's why God made people like me!"

  29. desertcactus

    Bristol is nice young lady. Perfect? Who can cast stones? Today's youth are so spoiled and lacking in experience and sagacity that our very future as a nation is in doubt. We don't look to our youth with much hope – but then again, we allowed our universities and colleges to be the depository of the liberal left, progressives and of course: Marxist!

    Take a gander at "One Party Classroom," written by a past radical. America is in a crap load of trouble with what's coming out of our schools today – uneducated, ignorant and many needing remedial reading before they can continue on with Jr. college in S. California.

    1. SorosBot

      Oooga-booga! Look behind you, it's a Marxist Communist who somehow still exists and is out to steal your precious, precious bodily fluids! And some college students they're brainwashing to not hate people just because they're black, gay or non-Christian!! Run away, run away!

    2. WriteyWriterton

      Hey, Mr. or Ms. desertcactus/Trolly-troll! Greetings from a Wonketeer!

      Apparently, you didn't pass remedial English or learn the rules of punctuation before they let you have a keyboard.

      This little clause-that-wants-be-independent – "but then again, we allowed our universities and colleges to be the depository of the liberal left, progressives and of course: Marxist!" – should haven't a colon before "Marxist." And that is only one of the punctuation flaws in there. "…of course…" probably should be set off by commas.

      So, how's that junior college in S. California working out for you? Remind you much of "Community"?

    3. BarackMyWorld

      Let's improve education by substituting real science with popular myths and letting local school boards opt out of national standards in the name of local control!

    4. Office_39

      "Bristol is nice young lady. Perfect? Who can cast stones?"

      Most of the time, Bristol seems like an inept but willing pawn for her mother's publicity. Unless she breaks rank with momma stones hurled at Sarah will strike the child, too. The rest of what you said is just psychotic. But stick around and debate.

    5. finallyhappy

      Oh, puhleeze- what a load of crap. However, you are obviously proof of what is coming out of some schools- ignorant and lacking in sagacity. Palin is a sad little mess- she is a jumped up piece of nothing- "famous" because of who her mom is(speaking of uneducated and lacking in experience except as a media whore)

    6. transfatz

      "Bristol is nice young lady."
      "and of course: Marxist!"
      "uneducated, ignorant and many needing remedial reading"

      Comment in haste, repent at leisure.

  30. SenileAgitation

    Who is "they" who are going to criticize? Normal parents? Liberals? Devout Christians who feel sex outside of marriage is a sin? People who are tired of tedious self-involved teen nitwits? If so, the solution is dancing! Like a dancing bear. Or ape! It is the solution to everything, as Bryan Ferry knew so well. I think I get it: if you are going to be publicly criticized for something, such as for being an unrepentant unwed teen mother abstinence expert (or more likely, for having been proven a shameless attention whore like Mom, but with even less claim to attention), a good life lesson is to double down on the vulgar frivolity! The "take away"? Ka ching = everything. I hope she will have some "How to Live without Shame (and love what you do!)" book out to follow Mom's. Let's remember that to the Palin's a "take away" is a backstage goodie bag.

  31. Bluestatelibel

    I'm going to love hearing her trying to explain "Quantitative easing" to kids– it'll be like a chimp trying to explain quantum physics.

    1. SorosBot

      But one in a million chimps would manage to get the physics right by accident; but even an infinite number of Palins would all be wrong.

  32. LionelHutzEsq

    Sarah Palin has learned everything she knows about macroeconomics from Glenn Beck, her intellectual superior.

    And, yes, every word of the above sentence chills me to the bone.

    1. SecretMuslin

      Every time I read one of your posts I read it in the voice of Lionel Hutz (Phil Hartman). I can't help it. And it makes everything you write funny +2.

  33. Anthr_DCLwyr3d

    Indeed, Sarah, they will criticize, so yes, indeed, you should dance. At the 2012 Republican convention. On a brass pole. That would be awesome. I'm going to start criticizing you even more now to just make sure this happens.

  34. WriteyWriterton

    "Quantitative easing"? She's allowed to talk about that?

    Here's something that is getting my pet goat right now: did Lady Moosetard take even one economics course in college? I'm betting she didn't, but she'll be spouting her ignorant econo-mathies on FOX before another week goes by, and the hosts will seriously entertain her economic analysis as "thoughtful" and "substantive," when it bears no resemblance to anything to which either of those adjectives should apply, and, and, oh, just kill me now.

  35. bordo2

    I doubt that $arah saw Peggy Noonan's column since it runs in the Wall Street Journal, which does not have comics or horoscope pages, so there's really nothing there for the Mama Griz to enjoy.

    I imagine the same people who are voting to keep the revirginized Bristol on the dancing show probably think the Kardashian girls are sluts without realizing that the K girls are waaaay ahead of the revirginized Bristol because they've yet to get knocked up by a high school drop out.

  36. lochnessmonster

    McCain should be tried for treason for unleashing Sarah Mama Grizzly Bear Lipstick on a Pitbull Palin on the lower 40 of the USA.

  37. chickensmack

    Why, Sarah… to know it's okay for your kids to flitter, gad-about and otherwise fuck off, that sounds so… liberal.

  38. Barbara_i

    "grace" is not exactly a word I would use for Miss Thunder Thighs. She's twice as big as the dude she is dancing with. Wait, she could mean "grace" as in "saying grace" before she slaps on the feedbag. In that context, Bristol is "grace" ten times a day, not counting snacks.

  39. snoopyfan2010

    "They're gonna criticize anyway so I might as well DANCE"
    Barry could have used that advice over the past two years. Too bad Sarah isn't his mother.

  40. ttommyunger

    I don't fault the kid for wanting sex, everybody does, especially young people. I fault her for not insisting on a rubber. How fucking stupid can you be? Oh well, like mother like daughter.

  41. Negropolis

    Anyone see the show, last night? I was flipping through, and Bristol invites her family down to see her practice in LA. She gets all up on her dance partner, and Sarah says something to the extent of "what are you doing with him? A lap dance?" Todd giggles and says "I'm out of here." Sarah then commands Bristol to "dominate" her dance partner.

    It was so damned awkward and creepy. The relationship between Todd and Bristol totally reminds me of Billy Rae Cyrus and Miley Cyrus. It's just one step above connsumated incest.

  42. MISTAHCOUGHDROP

    Perhaps this is inappropriate, but who is watching Bristol's kid while she's dancing on television? Did she just lock him in a car with the window cracked?

  43. Lazy Media

    I think Sarah was going for "versatility" when she wrote "diversity." Hey, it's all a question of which is to be master.

  44. mgardener

    I guess I am different from Sarah Palin.
    My children, did not get pregnant, drop out of school for a while, do drugs, wreck a house while at a party etc.
    My children graduated high school, 2out of 3 graduated college, 2out of 3 in grad school or finished school. All three are educated, working, and productive citizens.
    I guess Sarah constitutional, conservative, republican values are very different from mine.

      1. mgardener

        I don't think I am an 'elitist'.
        I was brought up to value a good education,which gave me the skills I neede to support myself and family. That was the American Dream I grew up with, that we could do better then our parents did
        I questioning Palin's attitude towards this. She herself is a college grad., daughter of an educator. Education is not highly valued in her family it appears.
        I understand her routing for her daughter, but… Her daughter has no skills to support herself or her child. When this popularity and fascination goes away(and it always does) what will Bristol do?

  45. NorthStarSpanx

    For a family that has encountered hundreds of teachable moments in as little as two very public years, they haven't progressed one iota. Still Valley Trash but with found money and media enabled mendacity.

  46. transfatz

    I'm sorry, WriteyWriterton already had it covered. I normally try to steer clear of grammatical criticism since my own grammar isn't perfect. In this case I couldn't resist because the troll was setting himself/herself above others in that regard.
    I should have seen Writey's excellent comment and left it at that.
    Comment in haste, repent at leisure.

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