Pleiadians, Lizard People Going To Explode America While Obama In Asia

Flamer.You feel that chill outside? No, of course you don’t. The weather is getting warmer and warmer right now. Why? Ex-communist and ex-Nazi Pleiadians and Lizard People, that’s why. Galaxy mother / BlogTalkRadio personality / future Fox News anchor Colleen Thomas has gone onto the YouTube from her well-appointed home to tell us that this country is going to explode today from dirty bombs because President Obama, in league with these evil forces, left us behind. Make sure your human meat is not overcooked by these bombs, because otherwise the reptilians won’t be able to sell it on the black market, in space! And please somebody tell this to Obama, because he’s going to die in a space tsunami over there after the Lizard People turn their backs on him.

These guys have spaceships, you guys. Be careful out there. [Videogum]

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Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

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  1. BaldarTFlagass

    this country is going to explode today from dirty bombs because President Obama left us behind.

    Today, we are all Macaulay Culkin.

  2. LionelHutzEsq

    But what is her position on masturbation, and how well trim is her pubic region, as this is how I now judge all political commentary.

      1. Steverino247

        No. The key indicator here is the coloration of the eyebrows. Dark eyebrows means dark hair color elsewhere on the body.

        And yes, there's extensive personal research to support that. 8)

        1. Numbat_Dundee

          My pubic research has been exclusively into the taste. I am colour blind on these matters as Martin Luther King intended.

  3. Lascauxcaveman

    These guys have spaceships, you guys. Be careful out there.

    Hell, these guys are spaceships.

  4. SorosBot

    Um, she says she has a, um, radio show, but, but, there is, um, something about her, um, speaking style that, um, it kind of, it seems to, indicate that, um, she's not, not exactly, um, a professional.

  5. metamarcisf

    Meanwhile, I've got to stop listening to the AM radio:

    "This is Glenn Beck, for Cheeseline…"

      1. JustPixelz

        Nah. I was playing off the similar names: Colleen Thomas, Clarence Thomas. Also trying to imply he's really a blonde white guy in disguise. A perfect joke, the only thing missing is humor.

  6. OneYieldRegular

    I'd normally be inclined to watch the whole thing, but even 15 seconds of looking at a Thomas Kinkade painting is 15 seconds too much.

    1. Tundra Grifter

      I thought it was cool how her dress so nicely matches that painting masterpiece.____Very nice, rack, also. Just how old was she in 1960? WoW!

    1. user-of-owls

      Sure, but you know she'd bite your head off immediately afterward so it's kind of a one off deal.

    2. MiniMencken

      Damn you, Lascauxcaveman! That was my thought as I started watching this video. And I have the experience to back that up!!!! Yes!!! Yes!!! But, as someone else commented, the Thomas Kincade painting is an image of the place where boners go to die.

      1. Lascauxcaveman

        Maybe there's something more tasteful in the bedroom. A velvet Elvis, perhaps. Or some black-light posters.

    3. mrpuma2u

      I'd hit it, but give a fake name/email/digits, as I would lay big money that loca chica is a serious stalker.

    1. SorosBot

      Her hair does make her look like she stepped out of 1986; which is odd, since she says she was sent to Earth in 1960.

  7. Not_So_Much

    In my own dating experience, Teh Krazee chicks usually love to fuck like bunnies. So, if we survive, I vote we gather 'round her to repopulate the planet.

  8. BaldarTFlagass

    It's part of my credo to not watch any right-wing youtube that is any longer than 30 seconds. I clicked anyway, hoping maybe she'd say where she got the cool paisley material for her blouse. Well, according to the sidebar, we were supposed to be completely shut down by an electromagnetic pulse on the 6th of November. Why am I here at work, then?

    Nice rack, though.

    1. fundamentallybroken

      I was wondering – if we are all going to be shut down by the EMP – to the very core of the planet no less – then how the hell are we going to continue watching her youtube rack for further instruction?!?

      Don't test me on this Nadine.

  9. brendanwynn

    The Spirit of Everything in the Galaxy has the express permission of Michael to f*ck you up. So watch it, earth.

  10. edgydrifter

    Even well-maintained cougar flesh and an adorably retro spaceman conspiracy aren't enough to distract me from the HORROR on the wall there. What is that? Kinkade's "Stairway to Fail at Sunset?"

      1. brendanwynn

        No! I want them now. Only NObama would make that kind of promise. Queen Mother of Everything in the Galaxy can give me my 1World Bucks now!

  11. ttommyunger

    At the risk of sounding repetitive, may I simply observe that if this silly twat had a dick in her mouth she would not be spouting such tripe and nonsense. I would specify my dick, but actually, I do have standards, such as they are, and they preclude me from becoming erect for the Michelle Bachmann level of craziness. Palin is simply a lazy opportunistic cunt. That, I can handle, the batshit crazy is instant soft-on for me.

  12. TimeCubist

    Most of the paranoid-schizophrenics I've known were considerably less well turned-out than this nice lady (cf: homeless, unwashed, dressed in greasy rags–thanks, Reagan). How does she do it? They all had exactly the same line of patter though.

    Also, the Artist of Light<tm>?

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      She probably just goes off her meds once in awhile when she's feeling bored and lonely. Skip the meds, turn on the video camera, and you've had a fun and safe weekend.

    2. SorosBot

      Surely you should realize that our Pleiadian and Andromedan overlords would make sure that their humanform agents would be given the resources to live comfortably on Earth.

    3. JustPixelz

      OT: You can get the superscripted ™ by copy/pasting it from another web site. google "tm symbol". /OT

  13. fredbell

    Now wait a second…wait a second…This was a tremendously powerful argument. and I think it will gain more and more acceptance as time goes on.

    ~ Bill Kristol

  14. PsycWench

    We are all supposed to forward this to our local news station so that they can assess just how many of us are crazy enough to believe it. Right?

  15. neiltheblaze

    At least I now know why the Pope wears red shoes – although I confess, I was never actually curious about it.

  16. Radiotherapy

    What's the difference between this and Föx, Breitbart etc? Srsly, isn't she on Fox n' Fiends?

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      Could be. All them ditzy blondes on that channel look the same to me, being a guy that gravitates towards the duskier wenches. You know, the darker the berry, the sweeter the juice and all that.

      1. HistoriCat

        You guys are so damn picky. In my single days I was grateful for the lustful attentions of women, regardless of pigmentation.

        1. BaldarTFlagass

          Hell, I ain't picky either, and if this crazy bitch came on to me at the bar I'd be all over it, especially 3 or 4 rum & cokes into the evening. I just have my preferences, is all.

      2. SorosBot

        Same here; I certainly have nothing against blonds, but find dark hair much more attractive, and it saddens me to see so much of it covered by peroxide.

  17. WarAndGee

    The Thomas KINKADE print on the wall in the background is the first tip off as to where this shit is going.

  18. SayItWithWookies

    After listening to some of that utter nonsense I have only one question: why did she quit being governor of Alaska?

  19. ShiftyParadigm

    I have a couple Pleiadians on my fantasy football team. Good to know they're finally going to bust out, because they haven't done squat so far.

  20. prommie

    I need to get the number of the upholstery guy who re-upholstered her boobs, I have some old wing chairs that are getting saggy, and that guy did some good work, just the kind of fabric I was looking for, too.

  21. real_dc_native

    What ever happened to that quaint media term "Lunatic Fringe"? And why don't they use it anymore?

    1. DoktorZoom

      The loonies and the mainstream are no longer distinguishable. I think this may have something to do with the internet.

  22. Chet Kincaid

    I say she's pulling our leg.

    But if she isn't, somebody needs to introduce her to Pastor Manning, so he can get that hate-fuck he desperately craves. They'd be the Clarence & Virginia Thomas of Insanity!

  23. karen

    I made it to the first "…um", which was maybe 3 seconds.

    Someone needs to tell these faux blondes that the Space Balls helmet-head-hair is a crime against humanity.

  24. WriteyWriterton

    I kept her going in the background while scrolled down the thread, and I will now surrender myself to the FEMA camps. Sucking in a lot of formaldehyde just might neutralize my sad.

  25. user-of-owls

    I watched that whole thing and you know what, I would like to test her.

    Mostly for evidence of brain worms, but maybe a multiple choice quiz too.

  26. uncuntstitutional

    needz moar lithium.

    25 mg BID

    Colleen, honey, pick up your refill, please.

    and whatever you're doing at the gym, keep it up, cause those arms are sick!

    1. jakegittes

      I was going to say. is there a fucking medication shortage plaguing the country? Apparently, the anti-psychotics are in short supply but the steroids are not.

    2. Dashboard_Jesus

      seems like a reasonable dose, I'll take it! (can you call that in or do I have to pick up the Rx?) and yes, the bitch does have some fine guns, they'll come in handy when she has to go back to rescue John Conner, or whatever (she can put me in a headlock any day!)

  27. Sgt_Biyatch

    SS are the key letters here. Think about it. Schutzstaffel, Sons of Satan, Social Security, shortstop, secret service. Seven squirrels twirlin' on a branch, eatin' lots of sunflowers on my sister's ranch. You know that old children's story about the Pleiadians. It's like you're dreamin' about Limburger cheese when it's clearly dirty bomb time, baby. Step into my office, Obama. Because you're fucking fired.

  28. mereoblivion

    When she says "entourage," does she mean "posse"? (Or another word that springs quasi-rhymingly to mind?)

    1. Ducksworthy

      Dirty bombs and decent cleavage. II think if you keep looking you'll find video (for sale) that deals with the terrifying alien anal probing that brought her to this mental state.

      1. Extemporanus

        I suspect you're right.

        From the video: "I am fully versed in physics, politics, earth history and alien affairs."

        1. DoktorZoom

          She's very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical
          She understands equations, both the simple and quadratical
          About binomial theorem she is teeming with a lot o' news
          With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse

      2. phaVoom

        Dirty bombs, decent cleavage and a weird tan line. Explains Colleen's sofa slip cover top in her later, more tastefully produced (and more entertaining) YouTube.

        We're watching Colleen mature in her art.

    2. Dashboard_Jesus

      oh yeah, MUCH better view of the Pleidian rack, thanks for sharing! love this YouTube comment (and apparently so does Ms. Colleen!)

      'They are space boobie, highly tuned antennae,that vibrate on a high oscillation in conjunction with her root chakra'

  29. kublakant

    As the supreme allied commander of the Draconians and Reptilians, I say bring it on. Light off that EMP. We have removed our people to the safety of the dark side of the moon. We left instructions for any survivors on the Georgia Guidestones. We will return to rebuild once the war is over. Good day.

  30. easynewz

    It was all sounding plausible until she described the pleiadians using the term 'shake, rattle and roll.' I mean, come on now, really?

  31. MLite

    Has Beck picked this up yet? She could use a chalk board, but damned if she isn't beating him at his own game!

    1. MLite

      Even she starts cracking up towards the end, but I get the feeling it's more crazy laughter than self-knowing. That said, at least she seems to have a comprehensive world view :)

  32. schvitzatura

    A Thomas Kinkade on the wall and a psychopaisley schmatte ensemble from Coldwater Creek, FTW!

  33. schvitzatura

    My entreaties to the Arquillian ambasssador have gone unanswered!

    A pair of truck nuts hangs on Orion's belt!

  34. SimonGirty

    Can't we we just go back to Tuesday and elect her Queen right now? I'm going to make this woman my wife!

  35. Mort_Sinclair

    Okay, if you nothing better to do at this time but check out her other vids (pathetic, I know), you'll see that she has a propensity to wear clothing that highlights, shall we say, her chesticle area. I think she's receiving signals through her nipples, which I suspect will reach right up to her ears when she's ready to download.

    1. transfatz

      "I think she's receiving signals through her nipples, which I suspect will reach right up to her ears when she's ready to download."

      That's a great visual.

  36. DebC2

    Ms. Space Balls must keep her brain in a jar in between transmissions.
    Maybe she plays bridge with Bar?

    1. Tundra Grifter

      That's a metal blanket "of some kind."

      Just how many kinds are there? Can I knit one out of steel wool?

  37. wok3

    I don't normally say this about people, but dear lord please tell me that she has no children. But what am I worried about, she'd probably just eat them.

  38. MiniMencken

    Why isn't she wearing her Faraday cage? That detail just by itself makes me suspect she's not entirely leveling with us.

  39. BarackMyWorld

    Does the text on the side of the video say "Nov. 6" when she's saying "Nov. 8th"?

    That sure was easier to debunk than you thought, wasn't it?

  40. jim89048

    This chick is so wack! I live on the outskirts of Area 51, in Art Bell country. I see shit all the time…

  41. transfatz

    My rocket is losing control. I'm going to try to land it between those two huge mountains. Brace for impact!

  42. Negropolis

    Wait, don't you love at the beginning that SHE's not even taking herself seriously as you see her trying to surpress laughter when she goes straight into the alien talk? That was PRICELESS.

  43. transfatz

    Honey, if you're going to defend this shithole you'll need to fire up my "Large Hadron Collider".
    I should stop now.

  44. JustPixelz

    It's morning in America. I did not make it to the FEMA camp. I'm in a Holiday Inn in Cleveland.

    Anybody out there? Is it safe to go to the breakfast buffet? Or am I the breakfast buffet for lizard people?

  45. Steve_McQueen

    I'd like to 'shake, rattle, and roll' with her!

    Dang, today is the 9th. Guess the Lizard people took a wrong turn at Albuquerque.

  46. hicksintheapocalypse

    Why is she wearing a throw-rug for a dress? I am way to distracted by that terrible outfit to concentrate on the retarded things she is saying…

  47. Sharingtheroad

    Since we drive on the road with this woman, it's probably a good thing if her car gets repossessed…

  48. RIPconstitution

    She gets her material from a conspiracy theorist named David Icke. I've read a few of his books, and this woman is lifting straight from his stuff.

Comments are closed.