COWBOYS  11:35 am November 8, 2010

Angry Robert Gibbs Nearly Beats Up Indians To Save American Reporters

by Jack Stuef


Some Indian officials working security on President Obama’s foreign trip thought they could restrict the number of White House pool reporters allowed into a photo-op with Obama and Prime Minister Manmohan Singh, lowering it from eight to five, and things predictably got violent. YOU DO NOT TELL AMERICANS THEY CAN HAVE FEWER THINGS THAN THE EXACT NUMBER OF THINGS THEY WANT TO HAVE. USA! USA! USA!

“At one point, Gibbs literally had his foot lodged in the closing front door, asking if the Indian security officials pushing hard to shut it were going to break his foot,” reports Scott Wilson of the Washington Post. “More angry words ensued, and after Gibbs convinced them, through high volume and repetition, that he was serious about pulling POTUS, we all made it inside.”

This is like every great American film. All of us make it inside or none of us do. Yes, even the guy bleeding profusely from where his limbs used to be. Yes, I don’t care if the Redcoats are right behind us and have stockpiles of anachronistic Tomahawk missiles. We’re sticking together.

The POTUS will be pulled from your precious photo-ops if you don’t give into our every demand, foreigners. And that is true American POWER. Suck on it, India. [YouTube/NYT]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 91 comments }

Lucidamente1 November 8, 2010 at 11:39 am

"Pakistan lets us have as many reporters as we want, and bomb the shit out of their weddings with drones."

HateMachine November 8, 2010 at 11:42 am

"Wait, you're not going to suggest a causal relationship between those two things, are you?"

user-of-owls November 8, 2010 at 11:52 am

Surrounding yourself with as many Americans as possible would seem a highly prudent personal security strategy for your average Pakistani.

Sparky_McGruff November 8, 2010 at 12:37 pm

After our stellar record in Iraq, I don't know that being around journalists of any stripe is recommended.

Giveusabob November 8, 2010 at 1:19 pm

Actually, wouldn't that be akin to painting yourself as an enormous target for bomb-wielding nogoodniks?

And the gringos tend to wear flak vests, leaving even more exploding shrapnel wonderfulness for you.

Boredw/Gravity November 8, 2010 at 11:41 am

High volume and repetition. I didn't know Robert Gibbs was a teabagger.

SmutBoffin November 8, 2010 at 11:43 am

…after Gibbs convinced them, through high volume and repetition…

HaHa. This is how you get the foreigns to understand ENGLISH and give up their native devil-tongues.

Lazy Media November 8, 2010 at 12:06 pm

English is one of the official languages of India.

SmutBoffin November 8, 2010 at 12:18 pm

WELL THEN WHY DID GIBBS NEED TO TELL THEM TWICE?

OneDollarJuana November 8, 2010 at 1:00 pm

'Cuz Gibbs speaks American, not English.

Mindblank November 8, 2010 at 12:41 pm

It's true! A fact which allows them to take our jerbs more easily. Damned British and their 'Empire'.

twaingirl November 8, 2010 at 1:01 pm

That was part of their plan, doncha know. "We may have lost the American Revolution but we'll get you in the long run mwahahahaha!"

In a British accent, of course.

Steverino247 November 8, 2010 at 11:43 am

I'm glad somebody in this administration is being assertive. Whew!

user-of-owls November 8, 2010 at 12:08 pm

There is no ass in assertive.

DashboardBuddha November 8, 2010 at 12:12 pm

yes there is.

Geminisunmars November 8, 2010 at 11:43 am

Gibbs just won brownie points with the press corpse. Maybe now they'll treat him with respect. Or not.

lowaltflier November 8, 2010 at 11:51 am

The press is dead? India is a tough place.

ttommyunger November 8, 2010 at 2:23 pm

Cute avatar. I know her from somewhere.

philpjfry November 8, 2010 at 11:46 am

See, that's what happens when you let foreigners have their own country.

BaldarTFlagass November 8, 2010 at 12:04 pm

God damn that Louis Mountbatten anyway!

user-of-owls November 8, 2010 at 12:09 pm

At least the Provos settled that score.

V572625694 November 8, 2010 at 12:17 pm

True patriots, those lads are, begorrah.

SwattieSwat November 8, 2010 at 11:49 am

this gives me the warm tingles in my patriot-bone.

Serolf_Divad November 8, 2010 at 11:49 am

In other news, Christine O'Donnell will be on Leno tonight to rebut allegations that she doesn't keep her vagina neatly trimmed.

deelzebub November 8, 2010 at 11:52 am

I will be watching Conan. Let us know if she says anything stupid….nevermind.

MoeDeLawn November 8, 2010 at 1:24 pm

Mow the lawn!

Steverino247 November 8, 2010 at 2:19 pm

Film at 11?

CapnFatback November 8, 2010 at 11:49 am

Easy mistake: the Indian officials simply assumed that the media outlets had outsourced the reporters jobs, to be filled by two Indian reporters and a circa-1995 fax machine.

jim89048 November 8, 2010 at 3:34 pm

But we US Americans and Canada got back at them by outsourcing 4 of our beloved ice road truckers to displace 4 adorable, honest, hard working death-defying Indian truck drivers, for reasons not known to anyone outside the State Department and/or The History Channel.

4TheTurnstiles November 8, 2010 at 11:50 am

Someone tell Gibb: India's been all up in our precious bodily fluids since before WWI.
http://www.integralworld.net/anderson5.html

Has yoga always been strictly for export?

charlesdegoal November 8, 2010 at 11:50 am

Vedy vedy unfortunate, Sir, but this is now on flim for all to see.

freakishlywrong November 8, 2010 at 11:51 am

"This will dominate all the news coming out of India". On Fox.

And I think, if you're paying 200, 000, 000,000 a day for the trip, is 8 stenographers really too much to ask?

Sparky_McGruff November 8, 2010 at 12:40 pm

I heard it was closer to 1.2 Trillion dollars an hour. And at least half of that was being funneled to the New Black Panther party.

SophistFCD November 8, 2010 at 12:46 pm

Hey, those stylish black berets don't pay for themselves.

johnnyzhivago November 8, 2010 at 11:51 am

Just not fair, everyone knows one American can easily take 15 Indians.

mavenmaven November 8, 2010 at 11:51 am

The White House was afraid that the American press corps would be replaced with cheaper, more polite, and more effective Indian call-center reporters.

johnnyzhivago November 8, 2010 at 11:52 am

Gibbs: A vision of the "angry left"

metamarcisf November 8, 2010 at 11:57 am

It would be more accurate to say that Mr. Gibbs' brains were "lodged in the closing front door", except his brains are more probably situated in his mouth, a location they share with his foot.

neiltheblaze November 8, 2010 at 12:01 pm

I'm so glad we're out there in the world making friends and influencing people again!

SudsMcKenzie November 8, 2010 at 12:02 pm

He should have asked to speak with their Supervisor.

TimeCubist November 8, 2010 at 12:37 pm

"I will need your permission for remote operation of your machine, please."

V572625694 November 8, 2010 at 12:05 pm

Like the way Fox's Token Negro takes Obamar's side, still puts him down, and totally misunderstands the function of a press secretary, which of course is to administer daily blowjobs to the "working press," including Savannah ("Woody-Inducing") Guthrie, "Chip" Reid, and "Little Ed" Henry.

horsedreamer_1 November 8, 2010 at 1:11 pm

Thank you. I thought I was the only one to want to make sweet, sweet fuck with the Daily Grind Princess (well, one of them; I'm not really into Chuck Todd's pudding-ring).

Also: I was shocked to find out she's 39 or 40 (born in '70, not sure on date). She's damn near a Cougar, but looking like she's just entered MILFdom.

Worthly Wokette Skum November 8, 2010 at 4:08 pm

function of a press secretary, which of course is to administer daily blowjobs to the "working press,"

Thanks for mentioning that. I'll be in my room reviewing tapes from Dana Perino's press conferences.

V572625694 November 8, 2010 at 4:35 pm

I'd be glad to help out w/Savannah G. Not sure how it's done, but I'm sure we could work something out.

Lascauxcaveman November 8, 2010 at 12:05 pm

I hear Gibbs was a pretty bad-ass encyclopedia salesman in his day.

fuflans November 8, 2010 at 12:06 pm

another amritsar: 11/8 nevah forget!

Mindblank November 8, 2010 at 12:36 pm

He would've been lauded by Kipling, certainly.

BaldarTFlagass November 8, 2010 at 12:07 pm

I hope he didn't say anything inappropriate and stupid, like "Back to the reservation with you, Tonto."

WhatTheHeck November 8, 2010 at 12:08 pm

Please, not to be making fun of our soon to be, overlords.
This will only end with a song and dance routine.

SayItWithWookies November 8, 2010 at 12:09 pm

Oh, Stewart Varney is showcasing this — that asshole was probably irate because Gibbs didn't beat any Indians to death. To him, just yelling at foreigners ("Amazing Race" diplomacy) looked like coddling.

V572625694 November 8, 2010 at 12:15 pm

Beating up ni66ers comes with the accent I guess. "I say, let's pop over to the Club for a spot of tea later, Nigel, shall we? They don't let the Wogs in theah yet, thank heavens."

jim89048 November 8, 2010 at 3:39 pm

They should've brought along their mercenaries, Union Carbide, who are known to have killed more Indians than even John Wayne.

natoslug November 8, 2010 at 12:09 pm

I must have missed the angryshouty portion of the video, although I've watched this clip twice now. All I heard were a bunch of yappers: the fat poncy bastard in the studio and his tardbow of friends. In the bit of video they showed, it looked more like he was trying to order a cab and none of those taxi drivers milling about in the lobby were listening to him. I demand more angry Gibbs. Also, as a non-Fox News watching individual, I need to know; do they always use Entertainment Tonight style headlines for their stories?

V572625694 November 8, 2010 at 12:16 pm

Their screen is as full of useless information "Chyrons" as CNBC's, but not nearly so pretty.

Lazy Media November 8, 2010 at 12:10 pm

Seriously, anybody is criticizing Gibbs for preventing officious security goobers from restricting press access? That's the press secretary's role; they can't take that away from him!

Mindblank November 8, 2010 at 12:12 pm

I'd hate to get between Gibbs and his cheese.

And why can't we deliver White House pool reporters via drone? Could call it the Drone Delivery Drone.

HistoriCat November 8, 2010 at 12:24 pm

The pool reporters ARE the drones.

user-of-owls November 8, 2010 at 12:12 pm

Things could have taken a very ugly turn if coconuts had been involved.

DCHatesMe November 8, 2010 at 12:12 pm

What the hell did I just watch?

JackDempsey1 November 8, 2010 at 12:12 pm

I see this angry, angry outburst as a manifestation of something that's been festering quite a while. Is Gibbs a distant relative of Custer, perhaps?

user-of-owls November 8, 2010 at 12:24 pm

Many years ago in grad school, the rather feisty student newspaper allowed all manner of questionable submissions to a wonderful cesspool they called simply 'The Backpage.' My very favorite one was phrased as a multiple choice question:

Who has killed more Indians?

a. John Wayne
b. George Custer
c. Union Carbide

I told you it was a long time ago.

uncuntstitutional November 8, 2010 at 12:15 pm

The WH press corps is like your annoying kid brother. You might shit on him a lot and beat the crap out of him from time to time, but goddamn if you're gonna stand by while some foreigns start pushing them into a locker!

user-of-owls November 8, 2010 at 12:30 pm

But what about swirlies? I mean if was Australians doin' it to your punk brother the water would go backwards. I bet it wouldn't hardly hurt at all and after all, the jerk ratted you out when he found that Hustler under your bed.

Mindblank November 8, 2010 at 12:34 pm

Oh, I dunno. There's something appealing about Darwinian survival of the fittest for the pool. Only the best allowed in the deep end, etc.

HOFAH November 8, 2010 at 12:21 pm

Hey India, no one gets to bitchslap the WH reporters but Gibbsy.

V572625694 November 8, 2010 at 12:22 pm

OT, but Carlie Christ is about to undo a terrible injustice:
http://thehill.com/blogs/blog-briefing-room/news/

blogslut November 8, 2010 at 12:23 pm

Aww. I suppose it would be wrong to admit I have a bit of a crush on Gibby.

Weenus299 November 8, 2010 at 12:38 pm

You familiar with that snotnose show on Nickelodeon? iCarly? There's a pudgy little character on the cast who's named "Gibby" and his favorite thing to do is to take his shirt off and do a wiggle dance. Coincidentally, if you put glasses on him he's the spitting image of a teenagery Gibbs.

Limeylizzie November 8, 2010 at 2:55 pm

I also find him sort of adorable and I suspect he was one of those totally nerdy boys who had no dates at all in high school so he read lots of good erotica and now is a world-class cunnilinguist, I had a boyfriend like that…I'm looking at you , Garrett in Chicago!

Chet Kincaid November 9, 2010 at 2:47 pm

Oh Lizzie, clearly you have a "type," even through the ether. I didn't have a hearty meal until long after high school.

Limeylizzie November 9, 2010 at 3:08 pm

So true, well actually I have two types, the adorable , bespectacled , writer/nerd and the lanky, laconic, introspective arty boy.

Chet Kincaid November 9, 2010 at 4:14 pm

My stickiest types are short, bosomy, verbally-adept blondes and poetry-composing Jewish-Multiculti girls. Dark, curvy, smart Sisters intrigue, but don't seem taken with booky, bespectacled Brothers they've beaten at the Slam.

Weenus299 November 8, 2010 at 12:26 pm

Geez. So much violence and pain. Can't we just watch live via satellite photos? Or better, maybe we could just rocket an automated diplomacy capsule that would land and unfurl an American flag, a picture of the most recent president, a steam-driven brass band playing the National Anthem, and a videotaped message from somebody claiming to be a president.

AlNewMan November 8, 2010 at 12:28 pm

Gibbs best be careful or they will shut our country's help desk down. Just sayin'

user-of-owls November 8, 2010 at 12:51 pm

This very morning I spent 1.5 delightful hours on the line with a help desk (oh ho ho) and the woman had the sort of cattle-fed, cheese-laced accent that you just can't teach Prangnathutra to say.

I hope to god Wall Street doesn't call her Help Desk anytime soon, it'll be a bloodbath on the floor.

Qatarded November 8, 2010 at 12:47 pm

Surprised the brain trust at Fox missed the opportunity to say "Gibbs Taj Ma-Brawl".

Come here a minute November 8, 2010 at 12:48 pm

Needs more cowboy.

donner_froh November 8, 2010 at 12:48 pm

Gibbs should have threatened to go all Bhopal on their ass. That would have snapped them to attention.

uncuntstitutional November 8, 2010 at 12:49 pm

"Are you going to break my foot?" Gibbs asked, tersely, as the Indian security drone tried to close the door on the remaining press that hadn't been admitted.

He continued, "you're gonna wish you did break my foot, because I'm about to break it off in your ass, Sanjay!"

Extemporanus November 8, 2010 at 1:00 pm

"You must be the opening you wish to see in the door."

- Mahatma Gibbs

Failed_2_Menace November 8, 2010 at 1:02 pm

If Ann Curry and Condoleeza Rice were sent in to handle reporting and analysis, you can bet they would have been considered tasty staples of any gathering and allowed inside.

marinmaven November 8, 2010 at 1:13 pm

Gibbs gone wild? Wake me when he rips his shirt to get some Mardi Gras beads,

Amo_of_Bogio November 8, 2010 at 1:21 pm

I read the headline as Angry "Robot" Gibbs and was 78% of the way through the comments before realizing the error…

user-of-owls November 8, 2010 at 1:30 pm

Me too and I had a 'Bot-Head' comment all teed up and ready to go.

ttommyunger November 8, 2010 at 2:30 pm

Now honey, let's not have a scene… Nothing funnier that a gaggle of pussyfarts in a bitch-slapping marathon. Indians think pushing and shoving is fighting, 'Merkans think talking ugly and saying mean things is fighting.

mereoblivion November 8, 2010 at 2:42 pm

Manmohan Singh? Why is Obamatron even visiting a country whose Prime Minister goes around with a name like that?

the_onceler November 8, 2010 at 2:43 pm

He's obviously never been to India before. This is the calm and patient version of the usual Indian scrums. He should try standing in line to get movie ticket.

elpinche November 8, 2010 at 3:20 pm

-redacted-
Sounded too much like a real fucking wingtard.

Limeylizzie November 9, 2010 at 4:40 pm

Chet Kincaid…we would be in such trouble, should we ever meet. I am the quintessential SBV-A Reddish/Blonde.

Chet Kincaid November 10, 2010 at 9:28 am

Good Lord, it would take a year-long Rocky training montage for me to even consider being In Play. You make me nostalgic for younger, slimmer, singler days…

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