Angry Robert Gibbs Nearly Beats Up Indians To Save American Reporters

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Some Indian officials working security on President Obama’s foreign trip thought they could restrict the number of White House pool reporters allowed into a photo-op with Obama and Prime Minister Manmohan Singh, lowering it from eight to five, and things predictably got violent. YOU DO NOT TELL AMERICANS THEY CAN HAVE FEWER THINGS THAN THE EXACT NUMBER OF THINGS THEY WANT TO HAVE. USA! USA! USA!

“At one point, Gibbs literally had his foot lodged in the closing front door, asking if the Indian security officials pushing hard to shut it were going to break his foot,” reports Scott Wilson of the Washington Post. “More angry words ensued, and after Gibbs convinced them, through high volume and repetition, that he was serious about pulling POTUS, we all made it inside.”

This is like every great American film. All of us make it inside or none of us do. Yes, even the guy bleeding profusely from where his limbs used to be. Yes, I don’t care if the Redcoats are right behind us and have stockpiles of anachronistic Tomahawk missiles. We’re sticking together.

The POTUS will be pulled from your precious photo-ops if you don’t give into our every demand, foreigners. And that is true American POWER. Suck on it, India. [YouTube/NYT]

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Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

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