MISS HIM YET?  7:21 pm November 5, 2010

Bush Reveals How To Become President: Just Quit Boozin’

by Ken Layne

Still better than Cheney!The revelations from George W. Bush’s blockbuster graphic novel, Stuff I Did, continue to slam America when it is most vulnerable and butt-hurt. For example, the longest serving president of the 21st Century (really, so far!) says he would’ve never been our beloved national leader had he kept his fun drinking habit. Imagine that! Just try to remember the first decade of this century without George W. Bush steady at the helm.

In a Today Show interview, Bush described his boozing and drunken driving and said it was super dumb of him to try to hide his DUI tickets, but whatever. The important thing is that he stopped drinking, and stopped embarrassing his parents’ society friends with weird sex questions:

GEORGE W. BUSH: So I’m drunk at the dinner table at Mother and Dad’s house in Maine. And my brothers and sister are there, Laura’s there. And I’m sitting next to a beautiful woman, friend of Mother and Dad’s. And I said to her out loud, “What is sex like after 50?”

Ha ha, and now he asks that same question, and Laura still won’t answer.

More importantly, Bush says if he hadn’t given up the liquor, he would’ve never been together enough for the Supreme Court to install him as president. We bet all the gazillion ghosts of dead children in Iraq or wherever probably think that’s a neat thing, how he stopped drinking Jack Daniels.

We still like Bush a lot more than Dick Cheney, though! Bush has the decency to keep quiet about Obama, for example. And he’s still irresponsible enough to privately mock Sarah Palin. [HuffPo]

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Mort_Sinclair November 5, 2010 at 7:27 pm

Yikes, he sounds like a demented Holden Caulfield asking Luce what sex is like in college. What a losah.

fuflans November 5, 2010 at 7:28 pm

thanks george.

because of your legacy i CAN'T quit drinking.

Lascauxcaveman November 5, 2010 at 7:35 pm

Do like I do. Invest in booze stocks. You win pretty much either way.

Beowoof November 5, 2010 at 10:26 pm

Constellation Brands, local company with some choice products.

Dashboard_Jesus November 6, 2010 at 12:46 am

well it appears HE never really stopped drinking either (and I never belived him for a minute!) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rKc6UMfZW6U

MistaEko November 5, 2010 at 7:29 pm

I get the feeling he would have made one hell of a Wonkette commenter, making snarky anal sex jokes as Bill Bradley and (not-yet-a-sellout) John McCain duked it out for who would respond more proactively to Richard Clarke's Bin Laden memos while I plus-1'ed him repeatedly.

Strange, cruel universe.

Lost_Teabaggers November 5, 2010 at 8:18 pm

Nahh Bush would have been a drunk of teabagger vintage making all caps comments against Democrats and hitting on wonketteers whom he determined by their pictures to be female. That's right ladies of wonkette (and guys with female pictures, especially Palin), you were a few (more) boozey nights from being hit on by Dubya…in alternate history land.

nounverb911 November 5, 2010 at 7:29 pm

Laura killed the wrong boyfriend when she ran that stop sign.

Beowoof November 5, 2010 at 10:28 pm

It would be nice to get a historical do over.

Negropolis November 6, 2010 at 12:12 am

My god, that is both brutal and the biggest win of the year. If I could give you all of the whore-diamonds on the moon for that one, I would.

bravo_sierra November 5, 2010 at 7:30 pm

Trying to imagine the 00's without Bush is a lot like imagining an orgy with the cast of True Blood. A highly enjoyable way to spend a Friday afternoon. So, thank you for that!

natoslug November 5, 2010 at 7:33 pm

It's Guy Fawkes Day and nobody's tried to blow this cretin up yet. You disappoint me, America. I want my cuntry back!

Texan_Bulldog November 5, 2010 at 7:37 pm

I always figured W was a likable enough fellow–just intellectually lazy and content to live off Poppa's legacy (oh & the whole Iraq war thingy). But compared to the vile viciousness of the GOP today, I kind of DO miss him! Gawd….must go drink a bottle of anti-freeze now.

mumbly_joe November 5, 2010 at 7:43 pm

If it helps at all, try to just keep in mind that the anguish he has over not finding WMD in Iraq is rivaled only by that one time Kanye said he was indifferent to black people. Not Katrina itself, mind you, but the mean things Kanye said about him.

LetUsBray November 5, 2010 at 11:12 pm

Plus, he's tormented by the knowledge that the picture of him watching New Orleans from his airplane window fueled the perception that he did nothing to help. The fact that he did nothing to help doesn't bother him in the least, however.

I'm reminded of a joke making the rounds in those days:

Q: What's Shrub's position on Roe v. Wade?

A. He doesn't care how people get out of New Orleans.

iburl November 5, 2010 at 7:53 pm

No mercy. Bush was the faceman for the Rove Cheney Rumsfeld gang that has fucked America up the Arizona. Fuck that stupid piece of Shiite. I hope he tries to eat a giant pretzel.

Lost_Teabaggers November 5, 2010 at 8:21 pm

You know I've always figured Dubya to be that first and unworthy son who spends his life trying to schmooze his way onto daddies good side while never actually making it there. He just had that look about him and also had Bush not have been so almost humorously corrupt, egotistical, mean and a borderline fascist (ontop of his ambient stupidity) he might have been a semi tragic figure like Nixon's dark demons made him into…aside from having the same reasons as Bush to hate him. But whatever he was all those things so rot in hell, Dubya…and by that I mean go hang out in Cheney's bunker.

Negropolis November 6, 2010 at 12:16 am

I'd give him some mercy if it weren't for the fact that his ego couldn't stop him from becoming the fucking president of the United States of America resulting in a whole lot of death and destruction. Perhaps, I would call him likeable, if his career would have ended in the Texas governor's office, but he was both elevated and elevated himself to a level at which is intellectual laziness was quite literally deadly and fatal for hundreds of thousands of folks around this giant globe of our's.

Actually, getting him to the governor's office in Texas strains me finding him likable because he oversaw the deaths of many an innocent man and woman in the Lone Star state. No, my "fuck Bush" still stands, stronger than ever, in fact.

Dashboard_Jesus November 6, 2010 at 12:52 am

yep, pretty much sums up my feelings EXACTLY!

HistoriCat November 6, 2010 at 2:15 pm

The real tragedy is that his aspiration was to become Commissioner of Baseball. Sure we gained a lousy president but we lost what would have probably been a great
Baseball Commissioner.

OneDollarJuana November 7, 2010 at 10:50 am

Kinda reminds me of the speculation that if Hitler had just sold a few more paintings …

mumbly_joe November 5, 2010 at 7:41 pm

This of course fails egregiously to explain all the shitbrained stuff he did and said after he stopped drinking, while he was President, etc. etc.

LionelHutzEsq November 5, 2010 at 7:59 pm

I think most of that can be ascribed to daddy issues, mommy issues, Cheney issues, and simple rich kid stupidity.

Beowoof November 5, 2010 at 10:30 pm

And here I was thinking it was proof positive of the brain frying effects of too much Busch, Jack and Cocaine.

genxr November 8, 2010 at 2:06 pm

Like allowing his picture to be taken by the airplane window, or not finding WMDs under his desk.

WarAndGee November 5, 2010 at 7:49 pm

Oh, who gives a shit, get to the nose candy days, what about the coka maaaan.

JackObin November 5, 2010 at 7:49 pm

Yeah, right. That pitiful halfwit quit the drinkin'. So he actually choked on a pretzel? I'd rather admit to alcoholism.

Come here a minute November 5, 2010 at 7:51 pm

That's what he did wrong! He stopped drinking heavily at the age when he should have been just starting. It's working for me!

V572625694 November 5, 2010 at 8:57 pm

Same here!

LionelHutzEsq November 5, 2010 at 7:56 pm

Yet, isn't it strange, that only through drink or drugs was the entire Bush Presidency endurable.

And can anyone think of another person who became more dangerous when they stopped drinking and doing coke?

Oh, wait, does George ever state that he gave up the blow? Suddenly the Iraq war makes a whole lot more sense. As does Dick Cheney as Vice.

Crank_Tango November 5, 2010 at 8:30 pm

OK so what we're gonna do is jack them for their oil and buy a shitload of blow. So much blow we won't ever have to worry about it again. I swear I know this place, we can hit them for their oil, and, jesus I can't feel my teeth!
Let's Roll!!!!!!

marinmaven November 5, 2010 at 7:58 pm

If I was Laura I would in retrospect wish that I never gave that ultimatum to W to stop drinking. Laura would have been married to another man who is very nice and boring but isn't accused of warcrimes. W would be "Mayor" of some local watering hole living off the family stipend flirting with waitresses telling stories bout how his daddy was prezdint once. Gore would be a two term peacetime president in what is a very reasonable country.

Lost_Teabaggers November 5, 2010 at 8:30 pm

Yes and unfortunately Bush's effect continues to be felt as the father of the Tea Party. No matter what these wingnuts say to differentiate themselves or the mild bullshit criticisms they make, they're all Bush Republicans. The way Tea Baggers poll shows this: taxes bad, wars against muslims good, torture good, deficit bad but tax cuts good so huh? black people bad, Messicans bad (this is where Bush differs and the hard backlash against hispanics might be partly explained by Bush's semi reasonable but heavily corporate outreach to Latinos which created a psychic revulsion in his Southern honkey base), compulsory church attendance good, el ghey= demonic! When you consider that Reagan actually held very few of these positions, didn't start any large, long term wars or torture anyone and actually raised taxes after cutting them…well then we know who they're really emulating, don't we?

zhubajie November 5, 2010 at 9:04 pm

Reagan took advice from astrologers, not end-times preachers and prophets.

Radiotherapy November 5, 2010 at 9:15 pm

profits too.

zhubajie November 5, 2010 at 9:28 pm

Well, my favorite evangelist, Bro Stair, is sometime called “theProfit”. http://www.overcomerministry.org/

comrad_darkness November 5, 2010 at 11:10 pm

Except that Reagan was heavily into war by proxy which fucked up a lot of our Southern Neighbors and also funded Saddam Hussein and Osama bin Laden and small time, but notable, troublemakers like Noriega. He didn't exactly leave the world a better place on balance, politically or otherwise.

Jerri November 6, 2010 at 9:07 am

I always see Alternate Universe George as a middle school gym teacher. It's the perfect job for him, what with his love of exercise and making up dumb/mean nicknames for others.

PublicLuxury November 5, 2010 at 8:00 pm

Sometimes you feel like a nut. Sometimes you don't. Almond Joy's got nuts. George don't. Because…. sometimes you feel like a nut and sometimes you don't.

He is such a pitiful excuse for human excrement.

LionelHutzEsq November 5, 2010 at 8:04 pm

Bush on Palin, according to a source in the Huffington Post article linked above:

He thinks McCain ran a lousy campaign with an unqualified running mate and destroyed any chance of winning by picking Palin.

Wow. If George Bush thinks you are unqualified….,

fuflans November 5, 2010 at 8:10 pm

that was pretty breath-taking.

and frightening considering our political end-times.

AutomaticPilot November 5, 2010 at 8:30 pm

The only reason he thinks she is unqualified is because she's from a douchey trailer trash family instead of a douchey rich family.

V572625694 November 5, 2010 at 9:00 pm

Shorter version:

Old money > new money

But the overweening sense of unearned entitlement doesn't care how old the money is.

Lost_Teabaggers November 5, 2010 at 8:36 pm

You know what they say when you encounter two people who are too alike to like each other? It's unquestionable to me that Palin embodies nearly everything Dubya was about which kind of explains her lack of appeal, currently. But yeah, Palin is corrupt and for sale to the highest bidder, is authoritarian as all hell, she's mean, secretive, warmongering, likes to pretend she holds policy positions she didn't previously, is evangelical in her religious style, lazy brained and yet she possesses a salesmans ability to winkle people out of money and lastly she's got big boobs (fake ones but sort of the female version of the infamous cod piece, I don't think I need to go into that further) while being a big boob (like Dubya).

Zvi_Bleindmeis November 5, 2010 at 9:02 pm

Add to that: both former governors of large states, undistinguished students, parents of dissolute children, fitness enthusiasts, and aw-shucks terminal-g droppers.

The missing puzzle piece is Sarah's unreported substance abuse problem.

I'm gonna say Oxycontin. Definitely Oxycontin. And now that it's on the internet, it's got to be true. I read somewhere that Mrs. Johnston was her supplier, and that's what brought Levi and Bristol together. Oxycontin. With a lot of Metamucil to counteract the constipation.

Negropolis November 6, 2010 at 12:20 am

Hillbilly heroine, my friend. Either that, or she was left out in Alaska's sub-zero temperatures by her parents a few nights a year as a child totally freezing and disabling important parts of her brain, poor thing.

Yeah, as for Bush, cocaine is a helluva drug, indeed.

zhubajie November 5, 2010 at 9:05 pm

What are her favorite drugs? Is she a meth user?

samsuncle November 5, 2010 at 8:04 pm

Bush thinks that Palin is unqualified to be president. I would have thought that he would want her to run and win so that he would not be forever known as the dumbest motherfucker ever to be president.

zhubajie November 6, 2010 at 9:14 am

Palin is Bush in a dress. Bush wishes he were Bush in dress but Laura won't let him.

Bluestatelibel November 5, 2010 at 8:08 pm

So dignified. God, Lincoln must be turning over.

Come here a minute November 5, 2010 at 8:10 pm

We still like Bush a lot more than Dick Cheney, though!

Wow, what a compliment — it's about the same as liking him more than cancer.

Crank_Tango November 5, 2010 at 8:32 pm

Hmm, I dunno, which cancer?

EdFlintstone November 5, 2010 at 8:12 pm

On behalf of the thousands of dead Americans from 9-11 to 2 wars to Katrina, and hundred thousand dead Iraqis as well as millions who have lost their jobs and homes, I would just like to say fuck you again to the supreme court.

Radiotherapy November 5, 2010 at 9:23 pm

Let's not forget what a stupid ass Gore was. Let's just say he picked Bob Graham instead of Lieberfuck. Or he had any balls and stood up to Rove. Or won his own state. Gore did more damage to the Dems and this country than Palin is doing to the Repugs and this country.

NorthStarSpanx November 5, 2010 at 10:11 pm

Really? I would have thought it was Howard Dean's rallying "Gheeeee-yaaaaaaaahhhhh!" cry heard around the world.

RunnyRose November 5, 2010 at 10:39 pm

Thank you for bringing up that whole Lieberman running mate catastrophe. I had almost forgotten about that. You'd think it would have healed by now, but oh, no, not yet Kem-o-sabe. Now…you want to also remind me about the puppy that died when I was eight??

CrankyLttlCamperette November 6, 2010 at 2:05 am

I still blame Nader. Still.

finallyhappy November 6, 2010 at 10:15 am

I see him from time to time and must restrain myself from saying something like that. I've seen him at dinner at a restaurant in Dc and most recently at Greenfest- where he was getting ready to speak(I didn't listen to him talk)

obiwanacracker November 6, 2010 at 2:19 pm

True that. And on it rolls, with no one watching the men behind the curtain. When American politics meets reality show status, everyone watches the Palin road show, the teabaggers fap to constitution porn and the Roberts/Alito bagmen quietly take care of business.

ShaveTheWhales November 5, 2010 at 8:17 pm

Smug entitled self-centered rich kid asshole is an asshole.

Happy weekend, Wonkidioten. Yesterday was my birfday, and all I got was a fucking Refucklican House of Representatives and the start of two years worth of Enhanced Media Stupidity. Oh, and a bunch of Blue Pussies saying "It was all Nancy's fault".

I am literally getting too old for this.

Oh well. Pip pip! Three quarks for the old Guy! Orange bonersickles for all!

Midway117 November 5, 2010 at 9:10 pm

Hey, on my birfday I had to endure the Glenn Beck teevee show on the Lincoln Mall. And the anniversary of Stevie Ray Vaughn's death…

WunkRocker November 5, 2010 at 8:18 pm

Why is it we don't drag his whole family into the street an stone them? (With rocks)

GeorgiaBurning November 5, 2010 at 8:55 pm

That is what separates us from the teabaggers- too bad.

Banelm November 7, 2010 at 8:09 am

Plus they live in gated communities with private security. But still, they venture out sometimes… So an angry mob with enough patience and inconspicuousness could get the job done.

SayItWithWookies November 5, 2010 at 8:30 pm

Dubya is the fucking anti-King Midas — everything he touches turns to shit. So I'm glad he quit drinking — if he had continued for one more year, beer might've sucked forever. As it was, America started making and appreciating good libations. Wait a minute — those two things happened almost at the same time. Woah — Dubya stops drinking and then beer, wine and liquor get better. Motherfucker.

Bluestatelibel November 5, 2010 at 9:48 pm

Actually, Carly Fiorina is the King (Queen) Midas in reverse. It is neck-and-neck who is the biggest loser, and not in a good way.

iburl November 5, 2010 at 8:31 pm

Breaking: MSNBC under impression that their on air talent has the appearance of impartiality.

finallyhappy November 6, 2010 at 10:17 am

MSNBC isn't- any more than FOX or even "network" news- it is all hype- and everyone knows it- just a game anymore.

mumbly_joe November 5, 2010 at 8:38 pm

The other thing missed in this whole thing is that we have had our share of Presidential drunks: Grant, most famously, of course, but also Van Buren, Cleveland, Buchanan, Pierce, and Nixon. Thing is, though, every one of them would be embarrassed to be stuck in the same room as dry-drunk Dubya– even Nixon.

V572625694 November 5, 2010 at 9:06 pm

Since he drafted me and sent me to Veet-nahm, I have a special interest in Nixon. I used to hate him with a passion, EPA notwithstanding. But until he lost it with booze and Kissinger, he was a hard-working man of ideas who wanted to do something with his life. And faithful to Pat, so far as anyone knows.

jim89048 November 5, 2010 at 10:17 pm

Only Dick knew what she was hiding beneath that cloth coat.

SayItWithWookies November 6, 2010 at 12:51 am

Are you sure? There were glimpses of his paranoid and corrupt sides since he was Eisenhower's VP. He got in trouble for misusing campaign funds, didn't he? Not to diminish the evil that he was more — and justly so — famous for, but it wasn't as though anyone was that horribly surprised when he finally went down. And a man of ideas? His moral legacy encompasses Dick Cheney, Donald Rumsfeld, Henry Kissinger, Chuck Colson, G. Gordon Liddy, Haldemann, Erlichman, Haig and anyone downstream from their noxious pee. Feel free to forgive him, but please never forget what an odious carbuncle he was on the face of liberal democratic values from the very get-go.

V572625694 November 6, 2010 at 8:57 am

Thank you, Si/W and commenters below, for reminding me of the evil that was Nixon, and we mustn't forget subverting the FBI, CIA and military intelligence agencies to political purposes. Plus the Vietnam War was way worse than our current adventures in Asia, at least so far.

DoktorZoom November 6, 2010 at 10:12 am

Would you buy a used car from this man?

slowhansolo November 6, 2010 at 12:52 am

True, the man had a brain at least, one of the last of the true heavyweights. He can thank 20 years of subsequent Republican administrations for that redemption.

Assuming, of course, he gets a minute between prodigious ass-fuckings from Melvin Laird in hell.

neiltheblaze November 6, 2010 at 6:33 am

Richard Nixon was a Commie baiting slimeball who jumped half-way onto the McCarthy bandwagon (jumping all the way wouldn't have been "prudent", of course) to sandbag his first electoral opponent for congress. No – he was ALWAYS a backstabbing, fuckfaced scumbucket. He was never anything less. And he never cheated on Pat because he was slimy and unfuckable.

xzargo November 7, 2010 at 9:31 pm

He would have to be faithful to Pat. Who else would touch him?

ManchuCandidate November 5, 2010 at 8:46 pm

Left out were the mentions of daddy's connections and friends bailing him out of various messes including a DUI, going AWOL on Tejas NG, Arbusto, getting the Tejas Rangers a new ballpark with public monies, getting the Tejas Rangers in the first place and many other things. So it should be stopping drinking and having daddy's CIA, oil and Saudi buddies to becomes Preznit.

Zvi_Bleindmeis November 5, 2010 at 9:21 pm

Can we add Texas contagion to the list? Until he nested in the Lone Star state, he was just a dumbshit lazy preppy from Yale with substance abuse habits and daddy issues. Texas turned him into an embodiment of reptilian thuggish malevolence.

DemmeFatale November 6, 2010 at 9:04 pm

The best thing about liberal, latte-sipping stoners winning the World Series is the thought of a single perfect tear springing from the beady little eye of our former asshole-in-chief.

Dimitrios_M November 5, 2010 at 8:48 pm

He is an evil little sociopath, but part of Dubya's problems stem from his parents.

Had I said anything that disrespectful to one of my parent's friends, her response would have been drowned out by the 'clunk' of a wooden spoon forcefully hitting the back of my head.

Even at 46.

Tommmcattt November 5, 2010 at 8:49 pm

He is kind of a lovable oaf, isn't he? Minus the mass murder and torture and terrible foreign policy gaffes, I mean. Cuddly, cuddly Unca Georgie!

OhNoGuy November 5, 2010 at 9:33 pm

I ain't goin' for the "lovable" part.Or the cuddly part. Or the Unca part. The rest I can live with.

4TheTurnstiles November 5, 2010 at 8:54 pm

why isn't this halfwit and the rest of his junta in prison yet?

zhubajie November 5, 2010 at 9:11 pm

I keep hoping bounty hunters will haul him off to the Hague or Waziristan or someplace.

OhNoGuy November 5, 2010 at 9:35 pm

Pulled the "Get Out of Jail Free" card and held onto it. "Cause Daddy could get him out of jail all those other times. For free.

Bluestatelibel November 5, 2010 at 9:51 pm

He wouldn't be stupid enough to leave the country for that to happen…or would he?

ttommyunger November 5, 2010 at 8:54 pm

Prep school cheerleader, ivy league frat boy, son of privilege. What he really meant was: "What is having sex like?" I'm guessing he can't recall through the alcohol and coke induced haze the few times he experienced what passed for sex for him. Doubt he ever had much interest in it sober. People with such a cruel streak never seem to have a healthy appreciation for heterosexual passion. Yes, he has a deep and wide cruel streak, the kind taken out on animals and the helpless. He is a shallow and uninteresting person and I would dearly love to outlive him, starting today.

OhNoGuy November 5, 2010 at 9:44 pm

Sorry, this sick fuck will live a long life. He'll be trotted out at all kinds of patriotic occasions, wearing that half addled smile. And parents will say to their children "look children and promise me you will not grow up to be like that sick fuck".
(Notice how I worked the "sick fuck" motif in there twice.)

Bluestatelibel November 5, 2010 at 9:55 pm

He'll live to be a 100 years old and drooling, with all of his crimes forgotten, with better men long since found their graves.

horsedreamer_1 November 6, 2010 at 2:16 pm

The Pinochet Life.

Beowoof November 5, 2010 at 10:36 pm

I am thinking most of his sex life was with a partner named Jergens.

Radiotherapy November 6, 2010 at 12:40 am

United physically: mano a miembre.

ttommyunger November 6, 2010 at 10:39 am

Ah yes, Mrs. Thumb and her four daughters, I know them well.

GeorgiaBurning November 5, 2010 at 8:59 pm

So nice to see him present at the whuppin his Rangers got at the hands of the SF Giants. Would've been a great time to snap the handcuffs on him and spirit his butt off to a jail outside US jurisdiction, who would notice?

not that Dewey November 6, 2010 at 9:40 am

Q:What did W say to Nolan Ryan after Game 5?
A: Mission Accomplished!

HateMachine November 8, 2010 at 11:17 am

Wait, San Francisco isn't a foreign country?

Badonkadonkette November 5, 2010 at 9:02 pm

Ironic. The one arguably redeeming thing Bush ever did actually led him to do all the shit that makes us hate him.

SayItWithWookies November 6, 2010 at 1:06 am

Not really — his fuckuppery is part of his personality, whether he's sober or not. For that matter, the extent of his drunkenness and the degree of his redemption is something we take entirely at his word. Now why the hell would we do that? I would submit that his alcoholism wasn't his huge character flaw, nor was his quitting his great personal triumph — rather, he was a stupid prick both drunk and sober, which is far more significant. He sucked through and through and is therefore not so ethically problematic.

Badonkadonkette November 6, 2010 at 8:49 am

True – but had he never quit drinking, he'd never have been anything more than the Bushs' Billy Carter/Roger Clinton.

zhubajie November 6, 2010 at 9:19 am

A sadist, too, with a history of torturing animals as a child and frat bros as a young man. Usually you read about that kind of thing in bios of Jeffry Dahmer or John Wayne Gacy. Bush is responsible for far more deaths than they, but is "punished" with a big pension, a house (in Texass, it's true), etc. He'll never go abroad, either, not out of fear but out of disinterest.

Steverino247 November 5, 2010 at 9:11 pm

Q: why isn't this halfwit and the rest of his junta in prison yet?

A: Because somebody took impeachment off the table. If we didn't impeach him for war crimes, do you really think we're going to do anything about it now? I mean, the fucking guy just admitted in a book that he approved waterboarding a prisoner. Is there ANY doubt that war crimes were committed with his express permission? Yet, he stumbles along through life without a care in the world.

mumbly_joe November 5, 2010 at 10:02 pm

The best part is, you KNOW they're going to do it again. if not 2012, then 2016 or 2020, but whenever they get back in the White House, they're going to go right back to revving up the torture-death camps, and they're not even going to bother making a secret of it, like they did last time around.

Because, it ends up, if you just "turn the page", without closing the book, you're just leaving the war criminals free to write the next chapter anyway. (I'm good with extended metaphors.)

Beowoof November 5, 2010 at 10:35 pm

Unfortunately you're probably correct. Oh well pass me that box of Cabernet that has become a daily habit. Red wine is health food right? Ah who gives a shit.

zhubajie November 6, 2010 at 9:21 am

The US has been misruled by rival cabals of psychopaths and sociopaths and war criminals for a long time. If Bush were charged, a whole lot of others would get scared, too.

comrad_darkness November 6, 2010 at 10:37 am

A: Because Democrats are pussies.

WordSaladNation November 5, 2010 at 9:11 pm

What is sex like after 50 what? P-points?

Radiotherapy November 6, 2010 at 12:42 am

Uniting physically.

Or a joke:
Yeah that Viagra is strong, I sprained my wrist.

zhubajie November 6, 2010 at 9:21 am

It feels real good!

rocktonsam November 6, 2010 at 1:33 pm

If its with a big titty 35 year old, awesome!

V572625694 November 5, 2010 at 9:33 pm

It's gratifying to know that Chimpy will never find out that sex after 50 is waayyyy better than before 50.

bflrtsplk November 5, 2010 at 9:42 pm

I think I am unqualified to be prezdent, but I think I'll give it a shot anyway.

NorthStarSpanx November 5, 2010 at 10:00 pm

Oh yeah, cause being a dry-drunk was so much more healthy for this country.

George, the American public would feel a lot more comfortable if you did wander around drunk and coke'd up.

ifthethunderdontgetya November 5, 2010 at 10:22 pm

George W. Bush’s blockbuster graphic novel, Stuff I Did

Did you get to the Jeff Gannon chapter yet?

Beowoof November 5, 2010 at 10:33 pm

Some thing tells me that was Karl Rove in the role of the bottom. Although, I did see a rumor about a prostitute who said she did W with a strap-on. Didn't hear a lot about her after the initial allegation I wonder if she went hunting with Dick Cheney.

zhubajie November 7, 2010 at 6:54 am

Maybe Gannon can write the Secret History that I have been longing for!

Madam Killjoy November 5, 2010 at 9:30 pm

Totally OT, but the ads surrounding this post are reminding me of that sexy smurf guy's avatar.

Beowoof November 5, 2010 at 10:32 pm

Oh I got a bottle in front of me,
Georgie had a Frontal lobotomy
Just different ways to ease the pain the same

Ah Dr. Demento, was he a precursor of he Busch Administration or what.

x111e7thst November 5, 2010 at 10:35 pm

Does he discuss how he came to give up the the rugged brush-chopping life as soon as he stopped being preznit?

zhubajie November 7, 2010 at 6:55 am

He hires Manuel Labor to do it!

chascates November 5, 2010 at 10:41 pm

Quit boozing AND have a father who was President as well.

johnnyzhivago November 5, 2010 at 10:42 pm

Instead of commenting on George W. Bush, I suggest we all just FORGET HIM!

zhubajie November 6, 2010 at 9:23 am

Forget him after he's been sent to the Great Judge by some lesser judge

zhubajie November 7, 2010 at 6:55 am

I'll forget him when he's been trampled by drunken elephants!

RunnyRose November 5, 2010 at 10:42 pm

What's all this talk about him being dry-drunk? Man was drunk on Jesus for the eight years he was in office. If I could talk to Bushie today, I'd simply say: Good call, dude. How'd that work out for you?

savethispatient November 5, 2010 at 10:43 pm

Oh. Dear. God. SarahPAC have released a new video. Suddenly I need a drink.

fuflans November 5, 2010 at 11:09 pm

nope can't do it.

bless you for watching.

imissopus November 6, 2010 at 12:56 am

Leni Riefenshtal would have approved. I can't come up with anything snarkier because I broke my brain.

elpinche November 5, 2010 at 11:05 pm

George W. Bush walked the fine line as leader of the free world. He was too stupid be a successful POTUS, and too smart to fall into his wood chipper at the Crawford ranch.

transfatz November 5, 2010 at 11:13 pm

A million or so dead? A legacy of ruling by diktat? You people are being much too hard on little shrub. He was the best president of stupid facial expressions ever!

Blendergoathead November 5, 2010 at 11:14 pm

We need to seek Alvin Greene's perspective on this, and all things. He shall show us the true way, because he does not seek it. He lost, yet he won, just like that witch.

p.s. suck it, Whitman and Fiorina. Go buy another state.

Bonzos_Bed_Time November 6, 2010 at 1:12 am

Yeah, that's pretty awesome. Straight D at the state level. Now if Prop 13 could just be repealed…

ShaveTheWhales November 6, 2010 at 4:01 am

Patience. Now there is at least remote possibility we can have a fucking budget.

easynewz November 6, 2010 at 8:09 am

Maybe MSNBC will consider giving Alvin a time slot. I'd watch Countdown w/ Alvin Greene. If for no reason other than shits and giggles. But also for the sage Zen advice.

user-of-owls November 5, 2010 at 11:14 pm

Take heart, friends. Somewhere, a coconut has Bush's name on it.

Bonzos_Bed_Time November 6, 2010 at 1:13 am

Would be sooooo worth $200million a day!

Monsieur_Grumpe November 6, 2010 at 8:55 am

Somehow I pictured an anvil or a piano but a coconut will do.
But wouldn't it be great if it turned out to be a crate of pretzels?

x111e7thst November 6, 2010 at 9:11 am

I always thought he had the look of a man who was born to hang, but you have shown me a better way.

zhubajie November 6, 2010 at 9:25 am

Let him be dragged to death by a camel with diarrhea.

OhNoGuy November 7, 2010 at 10:32 pm

Now, that's just disgusting.

Thank you.

zhubajie November 10, 2010 at 3:56 am

It genuinely happened to the Byzantine emperor Constantine Copronymus!At the Hippodrome in Constantinople!

Negropolis November 7, 2010 at 11:47 pm

I'd always imagined he'd meet his demise beneath a giant Iraqi novelty shoe.

HateMachine November 5, 2010 at 11:23 pm

The absolute worst thing about George W. Bush is that you know, you just KNOW, to the very limits of certainty, that he has no trouble whatsoever sleeping at night. And he never will.

Especially since Laura is passed-out drunk on the other side of the house.

ShaveTheWhales November 6, 2010 at 4:08 am

You know, I have no actual concept of George W. Bush as a human being, so I don't care if he sleeps well or requires IV Valium. He always appeared to me like a badly planned cartoon character. I'm pretty sure I would not stab him in the throat if I ever met him, because why? He's a spent vector.

easynewz November 6, 2010 at 8:05 am

I sure as hell would have to fight off the urge to spit on him. Or throw a shoe.

zhubajie November 6, 2010 at 9:26 am

I always thought she looked like a pill-head. The Stepford First Lady.

LetUsBray November 5, 2010 at 11:24 pm

C'mon, people: Does anyone really believe Cowboy Caligula quit the hooch? He lied about everything else. And don't forget those pics of him looking absolutely drunk off his ass at the Beijing Olympics.

zhubajie November 6, 2010 at 9:27 am

I'm sure someone tempted him with Red Star, the most powerful hooch in the world — 60% alcohol.

Dashboard_Jesus November 6, 2010 at 12:42 am

'So I’m drunk at the dinner table at Mother and Dad’s house in Maine' Now I'm a 50+ year old white man from a 'semi-privileged' family background (not Bush money but enough to know the better) and no matter what my relationship w/ Mom has been these many years, I would NEVER refer to her as 'Mother', WTF? This mentally retarded, inbred, sociopath has some serious Mommy/ Daddy issues that go beyond anything 'normal' and my guess is his drinking was just a pathetic response to numb whatever pain must have been wracking his tortured soul…either that or he's just another stupid, drunken, frat boy asshole like so many I went to college with…either way the gazillion dead Iraqi (and Afghan) ghost must be biding their time just waiting to take out some karmic retribution on his sorry ass! (sorry, got no 'snark' or whatever on this one, just FUCK BUSH, seriously!) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dvpvlooR6hM

zhubajie November 6, 2010 at 9:28 am

"or he's just another stupid, drunken, frat boy asshole like so many I went to college with"

You got it! Remember, he was branding new frat rats with a red hot coathanger. I've wondered if he branded Rove and all the White House staff.

Bonzos_Bed_Time November 6, 2010 at 12:52 am

So how is sex after 50, anyway?

Radiotherapy November 6, 2010 at 1:35 am

After taking the Medicare-supplement supplied Cialis and sitting in the bathtubs in the middle of the west Texas desert, they united physically. Dubya's eagle wing wriggling in the excrement, the dark, oppressive smell descended upon her as they were cloacally enraptured. There would be no tongue punching, fart box or otherwise, as he placed his CPAP mask on and snored on into oblivion.

Bonzos_Bed_Time November 6, 2010 at 2:09 am

OK, so if I understand you, it sounds like I have something to look forward to!

elpinche November 6, 2010 at 2:58 am

I just shat on my chair towel in primal fear. thanks Radio.

easynewz November 6, 2010 at 8:15 am

Yet another reason to always sit on a towel when reading Teh Wonkette. Also, too.

ShaveTheWhales November 6, 2010 at 4:11 am

Last time I had it, it was fucking fabulous. Also, too, sadly, a few years ago.

Office_39 November 6, 2010 at 8:57 am

Sex after 50: Imagine what would have happened if Taylor and Dr. Zira went past that kiss on the beach in "Planet of the Apes", that how it is.

CookieGuggleman November 6, 2010 at 12:17 pm

So far it fucking rocks. Apparently, it can be a great time for women (who knew?!) unless you're stuck in a bazilliony-year marriage to a boring-ass guy who's obsessed with golf.

user-of-owls November 7, 2010 at 6:15 pm

About as frequent as it is before 16.

Negropolis November 7, 2010 at 11:44 pm

I hear that you have to use a complicated system or ropes, pulleys, and tubes.

gurukalehuru November 6, 2010 at 3:42 am

It's still a lie. He never quit. China Olympics, China Olympics, China Olympics.

neiltheblaze November 6, 2010 at 6:46 am

He used to stick firecrackers up the asses of frogs and light them. He was a sadistic fuck as a child and he never grew up. He was Barbara's creation. Jeb was Daddy's boy.

easynewz November 6, 2010 at 8:18 am

Old Babs was my goto image in my college days to hold off orgasms. Must be used very carefully, though. That's some powerful Boehner-shrinking imagery right there.

easynewz November 6, 2010 at 8:02 am

I think what you're saying is Dubya was a fine example of 'The Peter Principle' at work. I couldn't agree more.

4TheTurnstiles November 6, 2010 at 9:13 am

that dude was well more than one level above his own incompetence. Really, like Nixon, W is a case study in the Dunning-Kruger Hypothesis. Oh, and Nietzsche was right about bourgeois resentment. &c.

CookieGuggleman November 6, 2010 at 8:28 am

Fuck that guy.

Monsieur_Grumpe November 6, 2010 at 8:47 am

"Wouldn't it be a shame to go to grave never having had a better beer than Lone Star? "

Oh the horror of your words.

Mindblank November 6, 2010 at 9:06 am

But all the great leaders were lushes. Well, at least it worked for Churchill.

zhubajie November 6, 2010 at 9:31 am

Churchill had a wide range of experiences before he went into public life. He was a war correspondant in conquest of the Sudan and took part in the cavalry charge in Omdurman. In the Boer War he as actually a POW and escaped. Bush's life experiences were nothing much in comparison.

WriteyWriterton November 6, 2010 at 9:30 am

It's 8 o'clock Satiddy mornin' as I finish the thread here, and I would be reaching for the bottle already if I hadn't finished it last night when I started this sublimely depressing thread.

Entire generations of psychobiographers will chase their sorry-ass tails trying to decide whether this idiot-useful-to-Cheney-and-his-ilk has set a Guinness Record for stupidity, denial, Oedipality, and/or brain-damage from adult-alcohol-syndrome.

And by "adult," I mean "physical semi-maturation." I don't mean reflective, thoughtful, emotional maturity. This guy won't come within light-years of that state. Gah! X infinity.

BarackMyWorld November 6, 2010 at 11:15 am

He might have been a good president, had he not listened to Cheney, Rumsfeld, Rice, Gonzalez, Wolfowitz, Brown, Ashcroft, Norton, Ridge, Card, or Bolton.

kittylittr November 6, 2010 at 11:40 am

It's funny, because I always wonder what the world would have been like if his grandfather hadn't bankrolled the Third Reich and if his father hadn't assassinated JFK and tried to assassinate Reagan.

zhubajie November 7, 2010 at 7:00 am

Or had succeeded with Reagan!

whiskeybaby November 6, 2010 at 12:13 pm

Semi-serious question: who the fuck would buy this book? I'm trying to imagine a human person wandering through their local Barnes & Noble, seeing this on the shelf and thinking, "Yes, I'd love to read a memoir by the intellectual midget of our age, post-rationalizing his war crimes and crowing about the ass-fucking he and his administration gave this country, an ass-fucking so thorough we still can't sit down two years later. Ring it up, cashier!"
Oh who am I kidding, no one can afford to buy books anyway.

x111e7thst November 7, 2010 at 8:06 am

steal this book

sati_demise November 6, 2010 at 1:53 pm

Since Bush lost Colin Powells support he is sad that he does not get to re-enact his grandfathers attempt at a military coup against Roosevelt by trying to buy Smedley Butler. He one upped his dad, though, by going into Baghdad.
What a smashing success that was.

Oblios_Cap November 6, 2010 at 2:08 pm

How can we miss him when he won't drop dead?

DCHatesMe November 6, 2010 at 3:39 pm

Does anyone really remember George W. Bush being president? Dumb drunk guy becomes president .. yeah right. It's fiction.

Neilist November 6, 2010 at 4:01 pm

Once again, you Communist Liberal Pinko SKUM . . . "Just Don't Get It."

Words, words, words. Whine, Whine, Whine. Bitch, Bitch, Bitch. Moan, Moan, Moan.


As a registered member of the GOP, a conservative, and True American, I know that there is only one thing — one — to say to George H. W. Bush:


I hope that clears it up for you nitwits.

Dept. of Rhetoric & Small Arms
A Community College Made Up of Old Mobile Homes
Somewhere Near You, U.S.A.

zhubajie November 7, 2010 at 7:01 am

"Words, words, words. Whine, Whine, Whine. Bitch, Bitch, Bitch. Moan, Moan, Moan."

Fight song of the Giant Octopus Party

glamourdammerung November 6, 2010 at 5:26 pm

One would think the teabaggers would stop trying to glorify Bush with that whole executing the retarded thing he was so fond of doing. It is like they have a pathological need to act against their best interests.

trondant November 6, 2010 at 8:37 pm

They glorified that because it validated their own complete and utter lack of human empathy, their bloodlust, and their vindictiveness. Compared to Iraq, it was just a taste of things to come, but I think at that point Sociopath-Americans had their candidate and knew it.

sati_demise November 6, 2010 at 11:07 pm

Bush is trying to grab some of Kanyes fame, Bush is a fame whore.

Dont fall for it Kanye! Ignore this bastard. Diss him with indifference.

sati_demise November 6, 2010 at 11:09 pm

Crap, Bush said Kanye dissing him on live TV was the worst moment?
oh really?
Fame Whore looking for diamonds!

Negropolis November 7, 2010 at 3:58 am

What do you think we'd have ended up like if the non-retarded Bush (John Ellis. Hell if you ever hear me call someone "Jeb") had been president?

zhubajie November 7, 2010 at 7:02 am

Don't forget Neil the whoremonger! With Diaper Dave as VP! They have lots in common to discuss, I'm sure.

e_z November 7, 2010 at 4:50 am

So…what are the odds that George will donate all the royalties from this book to the DAV?

…and will it really matter? Blair decided to donate his monies from "Tony Blair: A Journey" and he is still a smiling liar.

kittylittr November 7, 2010 at 11:55 am

You laugh now, but I look forward to the Trig Palin/Tripp Palin GOP ticket in 2044, and their slogan "We're both smarter than W."

outragedcitizen November 7, 2010 at 12:26 pm

Bullshit. Bush never stopped drinking. He just became a closet drinker with the Secret Service and his staff covering up for him. The first clue what when he choked on that pretzel.

bringmeanaxe November 7, 2010 at 3:25 pm

His whole presidency I kept thinking, if this is what Bush is like sober, I hope he starts drinking again.

user-of-owls November 7, 2010 at 5:10 pm

Hey, me too! Only in my version, it involved bottles of Drano.

xzargo November 7, 2010 at 9:42 pm

White wine and potato chips. That's what this thread has reduced me to. To which I have been reduced. Oh, whatever. Fuck.

hagajim November 8, 2010 at 1:09 pm

Shot and a beer, shot and a beer…PUKE!

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