Bush Reveals How To Become President: Just Quit Boozin'

 
 The revelations from George W. Bush's blockbuster graphic novel,Stuff I Did, continue to slam America when it is most vulnerable and butt-hurt. For example, the longest serving president of the 21st Century (really, so far!) says he would've never been our beloved national leader had he kept his fun drinking habit. Imagine that! Justtryto remember the first decade of this century without George W. Bush steady at the helm.

In a Today Showinterview, Bush described his boozing and drunken driving and said it was super dumb of him to try to hide his DUI tickets, but whatever. The important thing is that he stopped drinking, and stopped embarrassing his parents' society friends with weird sex questions:  

GEORGE W. BUSH: So I'm drunk at the dinner table at Mother and Dad's house in Maine. And my brothers and sister are there, Laura's there. And I'm sitting next to a beautiful woman, friend of Mother and Dad's. And I said to her out loud, "What is sex like after 50?"

Ha ha, and now he asks that same question, and Laura still won't answer.

More importantly, Bush says if he hadn't given up the liquor, he would've never been together enough for the Supreme Court to install him as president. We bet all the gazillion ghosts of dead children in Iraq or wherever probably think that's a neat thing, how he stopped drinking Jack Daniels.

We still like Bush a lot more than Dick Cheney, though! Bush has the decency to keep quiet about Obama, for example. And he's still irresponsible enough to privately mock Sarah Palin. [ HuffPo ]