SOMEDAY SOMEWHERE SOMEWAY  3:47 pm November 5, 2010

U.S. Finally Adds Jobs, But Not the Kind That Drop Unemployment

by Jack Stuef

The United States economy added 151,000 jobs in October, a welcome change after four months of job losses but still not enough to make a dent in unemployment.

Oh. Well, tell us when it does, okay? We’ll be waiting, right here in this cardboard box.

Meanwhile, Obama now says the reason he is going to Asia is to STEAL their jobs and give them to us. Or something like that. Good luck, bro! Don’t just bring back a copy of their want ads! [NYT]

 
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{ 37 comments }

SexySmurf November 5, 2010 at 3:57 pm

Meanwhile, Obama now says the reason he is going to Asia to STEAL their jobs and give them to us.

We're all going to be snake charmers or racist stereotypes trying to kill Indiana Jones.

ttommyunger November 5, 2010 at 3:59 pm

Bait and switch! I am outraged. I took the trouble to click on this link expecting an article on blowjobs (check your own tweet, Wonkette) and what do I see? Zip, Nada, Buttkiss! If there is one thing this country needs to add it is more blowjobs; I've been unemblowjobbed for years with no relief in sight. I won't forget this Jack, you are too cruel.

transfatz November 6, 2010 at 12:17 am

"Unemblowjobbed" Masterful.

ttommyunger November 6, 2010 at 10:42 am

“Masterful”, possibly. “True”, undeniably.

Fare la Volpe November 6, 2010 at 10:35 pm

I'm sure you can find a Blanche Devereaux type somewhere in the retirement village. I hear women "of that sort" congregate around the bingo table at all hours of the night, sometimes even as late as 7pm!

ttommyunger November 7, 2010 at 8:29 am

7PM! Sorry, past my bedtime.

nachoproblem November 6, 2010 at 11:00 pm

You realize you only get those benefits for six months, right?

ttommyunger November 7, 2010 at 8:29 am

Trying to figure out if that is a threat or a promise.

SmutBoffin November 5, 2010 at 3:59 pm

Were those jobs temporary campaign jobs? 'Cause they are gone now.

Also, what jobs does Asia have to offer? Vodka distiller? Rickshaw driver? Military strongman?

OCKerouac November 5, 2010 at 4:40 pm

Don't forget Lackey to Evil Overlord. With that one you even get a snazzy metal-brimmed hat!

lochnessmonster November 5, 2010 at 5:20 pm

The campaign jobs are being retooled for the 2012 election. They've been talking about it since Tuesday afternoon.

kenlayisalive November 6, 2010 at 12:43 am

Opium kingpin?

Selling origami swans on the street?

Mindblank November 6, 2010 at 8:35 am

Poo carrier is popular in India.

zhubajie November 6, 2010 at 10:03 am

English teacher is fun.

zhubajie November 6, 2010 at 10:06 am

The Russians got the market for blonde harlots sewn up.

SayItWithWookies November 5, 2010 at 4:02 pm

Meanwhile, Obama now says the reason he is going to Asia to STEAL their jobs and give them to us.
Great — I've always wondered how they make Nikes.

LionelHutzEsq November 5, 2010 at 4:55 pm

Well, may I be the first to say that I look forward to making shoes for our wealthy Indian overloads in our burgeoning sweat shops. Soon, Unemployment will be a thing only felt in first world nations!

Mort_Sinclair November 6, 2010 at 8:41 pm

I love those moccasins with all the little white, blue, and red beads in the shapes of thunderbird falcons on the front. I used to say to my friend, "They were once a proud people" feeling bad and all, but now that they are our Indian overlords….what??? wrong Indians? Never mind.

kenlayisalive November 5, 2010 at 7:58 pm

You have to be under 11 to get that job, sorry.

revmod November 5, 2010 at 4:06 pm

It will be a proud day when rust belt call centers begin supporting Verizon's Vietnamese customers.

kenlayisalive November 6, 2010 at 12:45 am

Well, one of my prize possessions in the world is a 1968 Berlitz English-Vietnamese phrase book, which includes such necessary phrases as "Who is your commander?" and "Where are the tunnels?".

So don't laugh, I might actually have a chance at this job.

BaldarTFlagass November 8, 2010 at 8:15 am

I had some time to kill when I was deployed in Afghanistan and decided to take some classes in Dari over at Camp Eggers two nights a week. Some of the phrases they started us out with were "Put your hands behind your head!" and "Lie down on the ground!" and "You are my prisoner!" Not exactly the "Please direct me to the bus station" or "Yes, I would like another glass of tea" I was hoping for; I didn't bother going back for a second lesson.

Come here a minute November 5, 2010 at 4:10 pm

Krugman says this rate will lead to full employment around 2030 or so. I say better late than never, but not by much.

SorosBot November 5, 2010 at 4:14 pm

Hey, look on the bright side; war-on-Christmas time is coming, so there should be a big increase in temporary part-time minimum-wage retail jobs.

mavenmaven November 5, 2010 at 4:15 pm

Jobs from India won't help. The Republican party wants us all to be working for Walmart.

neiltheblaze November 5, 2010 at 4:24 pm

Great! By January, the jobless rate will go down a couple of percentage points, and Boner will take all the credit.

JustPixelz November 5, 2010 at 4:48 pm

Further drops as sick people die off under the Repubican "saying 'no' makes you feel better" health plan.

nounverb911 November 5, 2010 at 4:33 pm

Just wait until all of those soon to be unemployed Democrat Congressmen hit the street. The unemployment figures will soar.

widestanceroman November 5, 2010 at 4:46 pm

Oh, great, more old men in bad suits singing 'Let the Figures Soar.'

chascates November 5, 2010 at 4:52 pm

The uptick in new jobs won't last. Eventually everyone will be wearing a tinfoil hat and we won't need any new ones.

Negropolis November 6, 2010 at 2:48 am

You mean, steal their jobs back to us.

Hell, if they can sell their Kia's and Hyundai's over here, we sure as hell should be able to sell our GM's and Ford's over there. It's only fair.

zhubajie November 6, 2010 at 10:08 am

GMs and Fords are popular in China, but they are made in China.

Mindblank November 6, 2010 at 8:38 am

Today, we are all untouchable garbage sorters.

johnnyzhivago November 6, 2010 at 8:48 am

Wait a minute – I heard Obama is bringing 151,000 people with him to India – I think this is a demo-rat scam!

zhubajie November 6, 2010 at 10:10 am

Rest assured, no one in the G20 will agree to stay poor just so Americans can continue to be fat, dumb and happy.

zhubajie November 6, 2010 at 10:12 am

The best we can hope is for China, etc., to continue to pay us to fight pointless wars against people who will kick our wazoos.

mrpuma2u November 10, 2010 at 7:40 pm

"We’ll be waiting, right here in this cardboard box."

Is it near the cardboard collage shelter that Christine O'Donnell made out of her now-defunct campaign placards??? In the recent warm weather she was able to take a sponge bath in the state park, but now won't be able to shower unless she panhandles enough to use the shower at the truck stop.

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