bloody hell

Sarah Palin Forced To Remove ‘Favorite’ Jesus-Blood Tweet

Munch munch muslims munch.The engrossing drama of Sarah Palin’s Twitter servant “favoriting” an Ann Coulter “retweet” of a “yfrog” photo of a church sign complaining that Jesus’ blood no-likey Obama is now over, as Palin has removed this thing from her account. Americans can now rest easy and get back to their daily lives. We will use Palin’s quote as it appears on the Telegraph‘s website, because it makes her spell things like a posh British aristocrat: “I’ve never purposefully ‘favourited’ any Tweet,” she wrote in an e-mail. “I had to go back to my BlackBerry to even see if such a function was possible. I was travelling to Alaska that day … it was an obvious accidental ‘favouriting’.” WOULD YOU LIKE SOME TEA WITH YOUR MOSK CRUMPETS, SARAH?

The fact that she uses a hand-held device to write her Twitter messages without checking by her staff has led to errors before, such as calling on moderate Muslims to “repudiate” plans for a mosque near ground zero in New York.

Haha, dumb Brits. It doesn’t matter if her staff writes the messages, she writes the messages, or she writes without having them proofread by her staff. Nobody in that operation understands the Queen’s pretty little language.

And now, at long last, Barack Obama can return to being a bedbug on Jesus’ Holy Mattress. [Telegraph]

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About the author

Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

View all articles by Jack Stuef

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98 comments

      1. Beowoof

        And I think I know the reason she is wanted face down. Of course my dream involves a pool of dead salmon.

    1. comrad_darkness

      And she says, "Oh, you are just like Todd, you silly thing. Also." Then everything that follows is a kind of leather-sticky mumble.

  1. slappypaddy

    accidents will happen.
    it's only hit-and-run.
    we don't want to hear it.
    we know what you've done.

  2. OneYieldRegular

    We speak English here, Ms. Palin. If you want to live in this country, learn it. Makes sense to me. Duz it – to you?

  3. SayItWithWookies

    Racist Big-Business Islamophobic Jesus told Sarah that she would refudiate Him three times before the cock crows — that's one, Sarah.

  4. SorosBot

    That's the one advantage to being publicly known as a total moron; she can claim, "No, I didn't mean to do that, I was just being really fucking stupid" as an excuse and it can almost seem plausible.

  5. Kidneys4Sale

    So…the knee-jerk reaction of SP's organization is to suck Ann Coulter's hairy sack without checking for herpes first? Got it.

  6. TheInternet

    It's going to be difficult for Ms. Palin again, now that Christine O'Donnell isn't around to make Sarah look thoughtful and competent in comparison.

  7. TanzbodenKoenig

    To quote the esteemed vocalist, Antoine Dodson: Sarah, "you are so dumb. you are really dumb, for reals"

  8. comrad_darkness

    Thank god we have Sarah Palin. When the phosphorus runs out, she will still be spewing away as America's Greatest Bullshit Machine.

    1. Billmatic

      If only Bullshit was a job creating industry with high overseas demand everything would be super again :(

  9. freakishlywrong

    Well, colour me sick and tired of this batty bitch. Sarah, please put down the twitter machine, deactivate the My Face, and lose the hand-held typee thingee that rings, (pssst, also, it has the word "black" in it). The internets would like some time alone. Without you.

  10. edgydrifter

    Even better was Snobilly's claim in the Atlantic: "…but no one can mistake that Ann Coulter was obviously being tongue in cheek with that Tweet."

    Oh, hey sure. OBVIOUSLY. Got it.

    1. comrad_darkness

      Super surprising that she hasn't chewed off all of her tongue then, given that is it always lodged thusly.

      And I'm totally certain the unbalanced gun owners drooling to her every word are also in tune with such subtleties as well.

  11. Fuck Toad

    I notice that the Torygraph's editors followed up on injecting 'u' into a verbatim written quote by correcting 'refudiate' to 'repudiate', making the sentence completely meaningless.

    Good job, England! Maybe Palin will give you advance warning before the nukes fall, on France.

  12. Oblios_Cap

    I was travelling to Alaska that day … it was an obvious accidental ‘favouriting’.”

    "The Accidental Favouriting", eh? Someone oughta write a book, or even make a movie about this brash MILH(ate)F favouriting whilst touristing.

  13. neiltheblaze

    It's like that time I accidentally gave a "thumbs up" to Ein_Rant. Except, I was so remorseful over my terrible blunder I immediately gave all the other comments "thumbs up" to make up for it.

    Actually, it's probably not like that at all because Sarah Palin is a lying skank.

  14. DahBoner

    She tweets in British because they get to say "bloody" a lot.

    It's a inside signal to Todd to stay away this time of the month…

  15. chascates

    I just tried watching her first episode of her Discovery series online. I could only make it through 2 minutes worth of the intro. The whole clan fishes, hunts, climbs mountains and does all the other things mighty, outdoorsy people do. People unlike you elitists who buy your food and drive a car to work instead of flying in a bush plane. You do get a glimpse of 'Track' who apparently drives stock cars.

  16. Billmatic

    "The fact that she uses a hand-held device to write her Twitter messages without checking by her staff has led to errors before, such as calling on moderate Muslims to “repudiate” plans for a mosque near ground zero in New York."

    They forgot to put the word errors in quotation marks.

  17. harry_palmer

    “I’ve never purposefully ‘favourited’ any Tweet,” she wrote in an e-mail. "My phone was in my pocket when I was doing my Kiegel exercizes cuz Todd says my twat's getting like a wizard's sleeve, and that button must have got pressed."

  18. PsycWench

    Actually we knew that when her email account was hacked a couple of years ago, b/c the answer to her "security question" was a matter of public record.

  19. CountNoAccount

    What you saw was swamp gas trapped under a temperature inversion layer that was reflecting the light of Jupiter off of a weather balloon.

  20. elviouslyqueer

    So now Sarah's moved from butt-tweeting to butt-favoriting? (tries to think of "head up ass" joke but realizes that would be far too obvious and easy.)

  21. magic_titty

    She just happened to accidentally favorite the church sign where Jeebus hates Obama? Seems plausible.

    Remember when your mom caught you accidentally masturbating? And you were like, 'I didn't even know masturbating was possible! I'll stop now.'

  22. whiskeybaby

    "I totes did not mean to 'like' that Neo-Nazis for Kitten Rape facebook page either. Sorry."

    -Sarah Palin

  23. Radiotherapy

    Here's the rest of what she UnFavorited. Obviously, she didn't mean to shout out a shill to her PAC and minions and "racist" Helen Thomas — and whatever you do, Don't even think of considering a "War Tax".

  24. Worthly Wokette Skum

    Yeah, but now Martha Stewart is tweeting "10 great holiday decorating ideas using Jesus-Blood".

  25. whiskeybaby

    This post reminds me of the one thing I'm really looking forward to in 2012 (apart from the fulfillment of the Mayan prophecy in which the earth gets annihilated, obvs): the return of the famous Wonkette Sarah Palin "Fail-O-Meter" graphic, which was the best thing ever. Man, is that thing going to get a workout if this twat goes for the nomination.

  26. Worthly Wokette Skum

    WOULD YOU LIKE SOME TEA WITH YOUR MOSK CRUMPETS, SARAH?

    "Mosk crumpets" would be a great euphemism for boobs.

  27. Come here a minute

    And now, at long last, Barack Obama can return to being a bedbug on Jesus’ Holy Mattress.

    And Sarah Palin can resume being a stink bug in Allah's kitchen.

  28. Oblios_Cap

    Sarah was traveling to Alaska when this happened, so that makes her an American Tourister.

    You know the difference between Sarah Palin and a real American Tourister?

    You can cram an American Tourister full of shit and still shut it.

  29. PalinPussyPower

    I think what I really love about her, other than that tight, tight ass, is the fact that she can really stand behind her convictions and not back down in the face of criticism. You know, like how she stuck it out as the Governor of Alaska for the full term because she's so dedicated to the people of her state. She said, "Me? Lucrative book tour? No way mister!" Also, plus.

    1. Chet Kincaid

      "Tight, tight ass" is surely snark as well? The gams are MAYBE worth a second look, but that's all, in my book.

      1. PalinPussyPower

        Of course not. Everything I say about her is 100% true, always, forever. In addition, as well.

        1. NorthStarSpanx

          You meant tight ass as in puckering tighter than a drum when it comes to spending her own money? Other People's Money or Public Money? Sarah's all about that.

  30. Beowoof

    Well of course Jeebus hates Obama. Jeebus was a jew and Obama is clearly a mulin. They still don't get along.

  31. widestanceroman

    FTW–and still some want her as POTUS with doomsday codes on her Blackberry.

    On the other hand, if Congress de-funds Secret Service, she's got my vote.

  32. OneYieldRegular

    This is nothing compared to President Palin's inevitable "obvious accidental" launching of a nuclear missile.

  33. Not_So_Much

    Putting the words "‘Favorite’ Jesus-Blood…" next to a pic of the Snowbilly's crotch has made my weiner permanently retreat way up into my chest cavity. Curse you Stuef!

  34. widestanceroman

    "Oh, gosh I didn't even know if it was possible to nukularly destroy Europe from my Blackberry, but if it is, I was only joking. Oh, look, somebody's building a mosque on top of 9/11. Do you love your freedoms, America? Don't forget to pick up a copy of my new book. Thank you and God bless Ameeerrica. OLSSSOOOOO!"

  35. CapeClod

    If you purposefully clogged all the public toilets in Cowboys Stadium and spiked everything at the concessions stands with ex-lax, even then it wouldn't be as full of shit as Sarah Palin.

  36. OCKerouac

    Sarah then wrapped her left over blood pudding in aluminium foil. It'll be loverly in the morn with some tea and crumpets and a bit of worchestershire sauce.

  37. DoktorZoom

    Oh, for fuck's sake, you Limey twits. It should have been

    calling on moderate Muslims to “refudiate” [sic] plans for a mosque

    I Remain,
    Your Humble and Obediant Servant,
    DoktorZoom, PhD in English, Unemployed

  38. mavenmaven

    oh, this is such a give away and you missed it- she's outsourced her communications to India, where they spell in the English manner!

  39. WriteyWriterton

    SP is the new Giuliani: every thoughtless sentence emerging from her mouth includes a noun, a verb, and "lamestream media."

    I'm back, people (not that any of you wonketteers missed me). I've recovered from my month-long pre-election/election-induced depression. I'll start listening to NPR again, though I gather I won't hear Juan Williams' s favorite superficial-pundit's mellifluous tones anymore.

  40. e_z

    Sara's excuses reminded me of Jake Elwood pleading for his life with Carrie Fischer after leaveing her at the alter… "The Blues Brothers"

    "ran outta gas!
    I had a flat tire!
    I didn't have enough money for cab fare!
    My tux didn't come back from the cleaners!
    An old friend came in from outta town!
    Someone stole my car!
    There was an earthquake!
    A terrible flood!
    Locusts!!
    It wasn't my fault I swear to God!!!”

    It's never her fault either, nothing a sociopath does is ever their fault.

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