finally!

WorldNetDaily Needs Your Donations For Birth Certificate Billboards

WHERE'S THE BILLBOARD LEASE?The most important thing you can do for your country at this moment is buy a “WHERE’S THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE?” billboard, but you probably don’t know where to start. “How do I make a sign that big?” you’re asking yourself, “And how do I get the money? Small businesses are hurting everywhere, including my own meth lab.” WorldNetDaily has made it easy for you. WorldNetDaily has always made it easy for you. And they are proud to announce a charitable fund to which you can donate to save this nation from having a black man as its leader. “What I need Americans to understand is that this billboard campaign is working,” said head WND intellectual Joseph Farah, according to this press release thing. “There is no shortage of billboards available to us. The only thing there’s a shortage of is the money to erect them. We need to raise tens of thousands of dollars a month just to keep them in place.”

The newest billboard in an increasingly intense campaign that asks “Where’s the birth certificate?” has gone up in Pennsylvania, on Route 61 northbound just before the I-78 intersection at Cabela’s in Hamburg.

And if it seems that there are more and more of these appearing, that’s no one’s imagination.

“If it seems like we are posting more billboards than ever, the perception is correct,” said Joseph Farah, editor and chief executive officers of WND, and the mastermind behind the campaign.

Yes, if you and the other five people who live in your Appalachian town have seen more of these billboards around the local meth patch, you’re right. And you know what? It’s working.

Surveys a little more than a year ago revealed barely half of those in America were aware of the questions over Obama’s eligibility. But polls as recent as a few weeks ago now show that 6 in 10 Americans doubt Obama’s constitutional eligibility to occupy the Oval Office.

Success! Pretty soon this momentum will culminate in scientists inventing a time machine to transport Obama’s mother to Kenya just before she gives birth to him. The system works!

There are many more pictures of these pointless billboards in the middle of nowhere on their site, if you want to cry about how beautiful patriotic action is. [WND]

About the author

Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

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186 comments

  1. CrunchyKnee

    Something tells me that Joseph Farah has a rural billboard bidness, somewhere in real America.

      1. V572625694

        But tight-fisted right-wing cocksuckers that they are, will they donate a few hundred for this important cause?

    1. HistoriCat

      Do you know how high administrative costs are on such an endeavor? Keeping track of the money and the billboards is expensive – you have to pay your family someone to do all that.

  2. harry_palmer

    “There is no shortage of billboards available to us. The only thing there’s a shortage of is the money to erect them."

    So all the existing billboards are flaccid?

    1. anniegetyourfun

      The shortage of money to get things erected is a common problem in this country. How dare you mock that?

  3. SayItWithWookies

    As long as this doesn't take away from their increasingly successful campaign to get the US out of the United Nations, I'm all for it.

  4. SmutBoffin

    What year is this? 2008? I thought we were the only ones left who took that birf certificate shite seriously, for humor.

    There are still folks out there who take it seriously, for seriousness?

    1. freakishlywrong

      Why, yes SmutB, they are the 24% that are also going to be running the country come January.

      1. NorthStarSpanx

        This shit works for low bar folks.

        Sarah Palin toppled the incumbent mayor (with a suspiciously Jewish sounding surname) by running as the first ”married Christian Mayor of Wasilla.” She seriously had people asking the Elite Mayor to produce his marriage certificates since his wife didn’t take his name.

        And they were Christians. But that doesn't matter. They weren't God, Gun and Pro-Life Christians.

  5. SorosBot

    It's all over the net, after Obama released it way back in May 2008; damn these guys don't have very good memories, or even know how to use google.

    1. TakingAmes

      They don't trust the Intertubez. (It's a series of tubes, ya know.) They want certified copies distributed at Real American churches throughout Real America. Then they'll ask why he's trying so hard and decide that whoever certifies the birf certificate copies in Hawaii must be part of the Chicago politics that we hear so much about.

      1. SorosBot

        And they would still then decide that he still hasn't proven anything because they need to see the super special sekrit birth cirtifikate that it the only thing that can really prove that Obama was born in Hawaii, even though as his mother was a US citizen he would still be a native born citizen even if he was born elsewhere, like say Panama.

    2. Missyb9479

      No, that was his certificate of live birth. Not his birth certificate. Birth certificates have to be folded and kept in ziploc bags and carried around your person at all times in order to be legit.

    3. Lascauxcaveman

      Since I'm always thinking "there's gotta be a way to make a buck on this," here's what I'm thinking: Obama Birth Certificate National Tour. By Popular Demand!

      Take his actual birth certificate, set up a semi-trailer for proper display purposes, make an Obama Mobile Mini-Shrine inside, bedecked with red, white and blue bunting, lots of family photos, going back three generations, little heartwarming stories about all his hardworking American/hopeful immigrant ancestors, some artifacts like his childhood baseball, his basketball signed by his HS team, a replica of his school uniform, and maybe some more photos of him posing with conservative notables (Bush I, Bush II, Sen. Byrd, The Pope). All nicely mounted, museum style in display cases.

      Have it tour America for the next two years, with two armed guards and a notary public. Advertise heavily on AM radio, charge $4/head admission. You walk into one end of the trailer where the patriotic displays and photos keep your eyes busy while you wait your turn to gaze upon the actual birth certificate encased in a well lit and indestructible lexan case.

      (This whole thing is similar to what they did with one of the original copies of the Constitution on its 200th birthday. They made a killing on it.)

      All proceeds go to the DNC. Don't mention that part on the AM radio ads.

      1. Ducksworthy

        So who you gonna hire to clean the shit globs off the lexan? Not that I disagree with your effort to con the rubes but you have to account for the hate. Also they're not gonna pay money for something they won't believe anyway. They'll go to the Creationism Museum though.

        1. Lascauxcaveman

          Eh, I don't know, maybe the notary is the janitor. You'd be surprised how many people would pay. (Not that much to do in small towns.) And how much publicity a stunt like this would get. And give the real hardcore birthers a chance to show what total assholes they are.

          Win – win.

  6. magic_titty

    “If it seems like we are posting more billboards than ever, the perception is correct,” said Joseph Farah, editor and chief executive officers of WND, and the mastermind behind the campaign.

    Har har.

  7. OkieDokieDog

    Thank you, Joseph Farahkkkan, I now understand. You don't like the black man in YOUR white house. Got it. Now let Mickey D's put up a sign for tasty french fries and let's all move on down the road.

  8. OneYieldRegular

    I will give money, but only if Farah agrees to put up a billboard showing the Teabaggers' map of the world (THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA #1!!!11!!! surrounded entirely by Kenya).

    BTW, Billboard Liberation Front: You're late for work.

  9. finallyhappy

    Because really, people don't need food or clothing or medicine or housing- just billboards questioning nonsense. I swear if I met this guy, I would smack him in the face.

  10. Monsieur_Grumpe

    If I give money to this noble cause can I spell it the birther way?
    Wear teh birf sirtificut mr prezidunt?

  11. Beowoof

    Going to World Net Daily is like going to the Christian Natioanlist site, both deserve to be shut down but that pesky constitution says they can push their drivel everywhere. What is frightening is that anyone would believe their horse shit.
    Americans can and do believe this stuff which is the perfect presentation of the problems of home skooling, charter scools and teaching to pass a federally mandated no child left behind tests\. Then get all your news from TV where people who are willing to lie to you to profit at your expense. This my friends is republican heaven. Pass me a Busch and what time does the NASCAR crashing start.

    1. DoktorZoom

      You should see their newsletter–it's the crispest mimeograph work I've seen in quite a while.

  12. natoslug

    If they'd only develop meaningful personal relationships, they wouldn't have to pay to have their erections handled.

  13. JoeMamased

    I want to see John Boehner's birf certificate. It's obvious he's a native Oompa Loompan and therefore unqualified to assume the preznitcy in January.

  14. WordSaladNation

    We were talking about this exact issue in my elitist graduate school class the other day when my professor brought up a great point. Most of the controversy surrounding Obama's citizenship has stemmed from whether or not he was born in Kenya, whether his parents were cannibal Luau tribesmen, etc.

    My professor suggested that the better question to ask would be, very simply, "Is Hawaii really a state?" Because some people — many of them not crazy wingnuts — believe that "[t]he statehood vote…was in no way a valid act of self-determination, and did not legitimize the occupation" and that, therefore, "Hawaii has never legally been a state of the United States."

    So basically, Barack Obama is not a United States citizen, and Christine O'Donnell should just be inaugurated, tomorrow, the end.

    EDIT: Oh, shit. I hope no one from World Net Daily reads Wonkette!

    1. twogoats

      Hey, hey. If Hawaii is not a state, then neither is Alaska, because they came in together, one slave, one free or some such. If we concede Hawaii is not a state, but rather an island, we lose SnowGrifter heaven on account it's not attached either.

    2. Wadisay

      Kindly do something useful with your time, like see if you can invalidate Gen. Robert E. Lee's surrender on grounds of mental incapacity, or show that that the Acts of Secession of the Confederate states have never been properly repealed. That would be a good day's work.

      1. DustBowlBlues

        Have you seen the salaries and non-benefits of the crackers who live down here? Slavery is alive and well, and creeping north.

  15. Not_So_Much

    Where's the fund to have someone punch Joseph Farah in his tiny, sad wang? I'll give to that one instead.

    1. iburl

      This is a great idea! Fight fire with fire! If Palin tells her rabid moron base that Obama is an American born in Hawaii, then we will end the "Where's Trig's birth certificate?" campaign. But until that unlikely day, I say, let do this.

    2. Barbara_i

      Love this response, thanks! Makes me wonder if Palin would ever run for POTUS and have to cough up those medical records. I'm not big into conspiracy theories, yet I am betting that her placenta count is one less than she claims.

      Even if Barack were to hand out small, laminated certified copies of his birth certificate there would be some who still wouldn't believe it. My greatest wish is that Barack brings Bin Laden to the White House front lawn and just kicks the bitch to death. Then let's keep fapping about the birth certificate.

  16. Boredw/Gravity

    I'll contribute money for a billboard that depicts a watermelon patch on the White House lawn. The more racism the better.

    1. ReturnToMetal

      They've made me realize something about myself.

      I have incredible restraint — something I never thought I had. I mean, I survived this election and have not yet slit my wrists.

  17. OzoneTom

    The more birfers spend on crazy stuff like this the less they have for food for their three children. Which is good, since their children will probably end up killing them and dining on their obese carcasses.

    1. finallyhappy

      I'll send you 10 bucks- after I see a photo of the first one. Hell. put up the first one and I'll send you $100

    2. DustBowlBlues

      Unlike the hatriots who put up birf sirtificate signs, You, sir, are a patriot. I am proud to call you one of my potty-mouthed loser anonymous friends.

      Without the wonket's acid-etched humor, how the fuck would any of us survive the Teapocalypse?

  18. GuanoFaucet

    Too bad none of the people they want to reach can read. Otherwise this would be a brilliant fucking plan.

  19. Missyb9479

    Dear God,
    I know you exist because you hate me and are always making terrible things happen to me. But if you could plese let the Repub House spend the next 2 years investigating this huge non-issue I promise I won't masturbate again.

    Nope, just full on doing it with random weird guys from now on.

    1. ReturnToMetal

      Unfortunately, thanks to asshats like Darrell Issa, this won't be the only non-issue investigated the next two years.

    1. ReturnToMetal

      With gas nearing $3 a gallon again? Are you nuts?

      And those rags and bottles aren't cheap either.

  20. Billmatic

    6 in 10? I doubt that. I mean. I know america is stupid but I don't think 60% of the population is that fucking dumb.

    1. kenlayisalive

      I'd be with you if I didn't watch the election coverage on c-span. But I, sir or madam, have seen the truth, and it is fat and stupid and rides a rascal.

      1. Billmatic

        believe it or not the fact that the really nutty teabaggers went down gave me at least a little hope.

  21. genxr

    I whole heartedly support this effort to get wingnuts to spend tens of thousands of their own dollars to convince the world that flyover country is inhabited by a bunch of idiots.

    Didn't Glenn Beck refudiate the birfer movement? Let's put a dozen or so of these billboards in his neighborhood, and the roads where he commutes.

    Seriously, if I'm taking a road trip somewhere, I see that billboard, I don't stop, I just keep right on driving.

  22. ChurchofRealism

    Haha, you will not find two words more mutually exclusive than WND and intellectual. I'm surprised that sentence didn't burst into flames upon typing it into the internet box thingy.

  23. x111e7thst

    When my mommy gives me her hard earned money and tells me to go down to the truckstop and get her some meth I know better than to waste it on billboards.

  24. My_pal_HAL

    Billboards = the new National Enquirer. Them headlines in the soopermarket were just getting too small and hard to read.

    1. DustBowlBlues

      I'm old enough to remember the "Impeach Earl Warren" billboards that were erected by the John Birch Society–with their name right there on the sign. Birchers aren't afraid of anything, including clinical paranoia.

      1. jim89048

        Heh. I remember seeing one near the Earl Warren Fairgrounds in Santa Barbara. Birchers are making a comeback here in Nevaduh, much to my eternal thankfulness.

  25. SayItWithWookies

    In that case a bunch of states are gonna have to kiss billions in lottery revenues goodbye too.

  26. mookwrthwilson

    "But polls as recent as a few weeks ago now show that 6 in 10 Americans doubt Obama’s constitutional eligibility to occupy the Oval Office."

    Where are these polls being conducted? Klan rallies? Senior Centers???

      1. finallyhappy

        Come to my senior center and say something bad about the President and you will be beaten by the canes of some feisty old women!

  27. __kth__

    It would be nice if they put a lot of them on the old US highways, instead of the interstates. Those old roads are the last remnants of America's golden age, and few things evoke that era more than paranoid, racist signage.

    1. Kitty_Sanchez

      Yup. I remember on old U.S. Hwy 90, about 15 miles west of the Texas border with Louisiana, there was a sign that read "Ni99er don't let the sun set on your ass in Vidor, Texas." Charming. It was there until the late 60s or early 70s.

      By the way, I love your avatar. Who's the guy in the photo?

  28. elpinche

    Joseph Farah, editor and CEO of Wing Nut Daily, extreme rightwing retard, and future leader of the America. Say hello to our next speaker of the house or POTUS.

  29. WordSaladNation

    Here are the instructions from the WND site for how to make a billboard:

    1) Fire up your Macintosh LC.
    2) Open up The Print Shop.
    3) Create a "banner." Be sure to use "word art" and "Comic Sans" font, italic.
    4) Print it out on your ImageWriter II (WARNING: DO NOT WATCH IF YOU HAVE EPILEPSY).
    5) Staple it to a tree.

    Congratulations! Billboard!

  30. i_AM_ready

    OK I google-mapped the location of that billboard, and here are the nearby attractions:
    Swamp Road
    Lowland Road
    Industrial Drive
    Old Route 22
    Boat and RV Superstore
    Dollar General
    Cracker Barrel
    and Faith Bible Baptist Church

    What, no gun stores and pawn shops?

    1. GunTotingProgressive

      Didn't it say it was near a Cabela's? That's got the guns sorted, and you know that there is a black-market flea market set up in the parking lot of the Dollar General.

  31. WarAndGee

    Ebay lady threw her millions away on her campaign.

    Now everyday wing nutters who can barely afford peanut butter because they are enslaved by the socialist government can throw their "hidden in the mattress money" away on this tired old campaign borne of OBAMA DERANGEMENT SYNDROME.

  32. hagajim

    My God! The f*@cking people in the f@#cking country are some of the stupidest motherfu%$ers in the whole wide world….is stupidest even a word? I think I may be infected with the rightwing moron gene! DAMN DAMN DAMN!!!

  33. bitchincamaro2

    So we've got an impostor in the White House, yet it's Mitt Romney who's the most dangerous man in America, Joe? Now both of us are confused.

  34. Steverino247

    WND=Weapons of Neuron Destruction.

    Bomb them now, Mr. President. We can not afford to have a Dipshit Gap

  35. PublicLuxury

    It is an important question. I often ask myself, 'Where's the birth certificate?" Especially if I am looking to get my passport, prove that I am a citizen or just want to buy grocery at the local Whole Foods. People NEED to be reminded that they need to keep their vital papers in safe place where they are easily accessible, especially if you live in Arizona.

  36. Kitty_Sanchez

    Dayumm! Was just taking a look around at WND and realized this Farah motherfucker must be making some serious bank off of the idiot class. Having a black president has been such a boon to the outrage-panic-hate hobby supply industry.

    Too bad I have those sting-y, shame-y feelings stopping me from cashing in. Lots of easy, easy money out there, eh?

  37. V572625694

    There is no shortage of $1,000/hr hookers available to us. The only thing there’s a shortage of is the money to engage them.

  38. PublicLuxury

    They need to put in hydraulics. Or use a strap-on. Or just buy a doll. Or just admit they lika teh gay and teh leeetle boys. Sick fuckers.

  39. ttommyunger

    Needz moar racism! But seriously, WND's next big money-making scheme: Prestige tags for the faithful's free Medicare/Medicaid Scooters! Genius! Fox will run the ads for free. Dennis Miller will read them (I know, he used to be a comedian years ago) Bill Kristol will count the money ('cause he never makes a mistake) and Oompah-Loompah Boy will mail them out using the Congressional Franking privilege, to cut overhead. The tags will be made in American Samoa by slave labor (Tom Delay's Shining Capitalistic City on the Hill) for peanuts. This is fucking golden!

  40. Joey_Ratz

    6 of 10, up from "barely half" in about a year? That means that in 25 years, 30 of 10 WND poll-takers will doubt Barry's eligibility. Progress!

  41. fuflans

    npr informs me that repubs redistricting control is huger than almost anytime ever and suggests republican dominance for a decade.

    i guess that and citizen's united mean they pretty much got their country back.

    rock on.

    1. zhubajie

      Remember, last year, how everyone was predicting the Reptilians would be extinct soon? I have faith that the T-baggers and other reptilians will fight with each other like rival Baptist preachers. Fun times ahead!

    2. fishskicanoe

      Nah. They said the same thing back in 2000. So they redistricted (?) and still lost the House in 2006. The Repugs have got one shot now. If they blow it, they'll be back to blowing it at your nearest Interstate rest stop in 2013.

  42. OneDollarJuana

    Wait, John Boehner's district (8th congressional, Ohio) uses mostly Diebold voting machines. John Boehner, where are the ballots? I don't believe you were elected!

  43. bitchincamaro2

    Those erections are about as useless as a raging boner on a blind date with a failed Delaware senate candidate.

    Too soon?

  44. jus_wonderin

    The sad part of all of this is Obama's kids have to witness all of this foolishness about their dad (parents).

    I'd like to find just one of these, with his/her kids, and give them the quiz of where is their cert and ask them to answer any one question from their 8th grade Civics class.

    Turd-tards!

  45. metamarcisf

    We're starting a website for those Tea Party Patriots who are visually impaired. Donations to erect billboards that read "Where's the Birth Certificate" in braille start today; Sly Stallone, treasurer

  46. BarryOPotter

    Money for meth or billboards. Tough choices ahead for WND supporters.

    Nah, that's not a tough choice, which is why Josephat McFuckwit has to go a-begging for money to cover his monthly billboard ('bout $29.99 cause he knows a guy) and meth habits ($9,970).

  47. mumbly_joe

    How much with it cost to get another billboard next to each and every one of these, saying,

    IT'S ON FILE IN HAWAII

    …now shut up.

    Because I'd actually consider donating to that.

    Actually, fuck the billboard idea: how much for some spray paint and an army of graffiti vandals?

  48. ReturnToMetal

    You'd think the nimrods at WorldNutDaily would have taken a trip to Hawaii to check it out BY NOW.

    1. zhubajie

      They don't want to find a birth certificate. If they did, they'd declare it fake, like the fossil dinosaurs, etc.

  49. ReturnToMetal

    We've had billboards like that in Ohio ever since Obama was elected.

    Trouble is, WorldNutDaily isn't responsible for them. The idiot nutjobs in the Western and Southwestern part of the state are paying for them out of their own pockets.

    Result: Crooks like John Kasich and Rob Portman have return to positions of power.

    So much for recovery.

    1. zhubajie

      Southwestern Ohio: capital, Cincinnuty. Home of Charles Manson, Buzz "statutory rapist" Luekens and John "Orangeaid" Boehner. Armpit of the Right wing.

  50. DustBowlBlues

    Considering this and the post that follows, one wonders why the IRS is sitting on its ass. Oh, that's right. We're Obama Democrats and are afraid we might lose the right winger vote that's persuadable.

    We're not looking back–or to the present–or to the future, evidently. Can the no-drama president get off his statesmanlike ass and breathe some life into this party? How many goddam primary challenges does Axelrod want, exactly?

    1. lulzmonger

      How many goddam primary challenges does Axelrod want, exactly?

      Yeah, this.

      Picture one bright (& photogenic) libtard wonk putting up an ad in prime time, saying he/she has signed an affadavit promising full criminal investigations of BushCo bastards & Wall Street motherfuckers if elected. Working ad title: LOOK BACK IN ANGER.

      Funnest. Primary. Debates. EVAR.

  51. Worthly Wokette Skum

    This is really an effective messaging policy. A billboard is one of the few things their target audience actually reads.

  52. nicnack74

    I don't blame Pittsburgh, nor Philidephia for this. This reeks of Pennsyl-tucky. You ignorant bastards.

    1. slowhansolo

      I think the difference this year was that Pittsburgh defected.

      You are absolutely correct, however, and on behalf of all thinking central Pennsylvanians, I must apologize. The only bright spot is that it's highly likely these dumb, inbred, Jesus-loving, minority-hating, barely ambulatory sacks of suet will likely suffer greatly as a result of their votes.

      You know, along with everyone else.

  53. imissopus

    Duh, because his daddy and granddaddy were war-mongering navy admirals and Obama's daddy and granddaddy were drunken anti-colonial Kenyan witch doctors.

  54. comrad_darkness

    I'm totally willing to compromise on this. Democrats have to turn over a birth certificate or be forced out of office and Republicans have to pass a psychological examination.

  55. JackObin

    What's with all this birf certificate nonsense? It's easy to tell if he was born here Jesusland. Just check his blood for Doritos and doughnuts.

  56. Negropolis

    This sign campaign is SO begging to be challenged by an opposing sign campaign that reads "Who's Your Daddy?" with Obama in juxtaposed against the words. Sweet, sweet sardonism that'd be. Who's with me?

  57. eekahil

    Onna counta I have just given the fcuk up, I think I will indeed open me up a Meth Lab as a secondary (well, primary, truth to tell) revenue stream. Why the fcuk not. I'm white. If I get busted I'll say I was brainwashed by some SLA Mescickans.
    The end.

  58. Barbara_i

    Wonder what Huckabee thinks about this? Take a little advice from me, Huckabee…a shake for breakfast, a shake for lunch and a sensible dinner, that's all I'm sayin'. Dude is starting to chunk back up.

  59. kenlayisalive

    Yep, taxes are definitely too high. Look how the poor TeaBag Americans have to scrounge to come up with enough money for the basics, like giant media buys questioning basic confirmed facts.

  60. amyamnesia

    The funny thing is, I do a lot of driving through the "heartland" of this country, and the only place I've seen that billboard is on the 5 south from LA, somewhere between Commerce and Santa Ana. Hamburg, PA = Orange County!

  61. lulzmonger

    I smell a franchise!

    WHERE'S THE MICE WITH HUMAN BRAINS?
    WHERE'S THE SHARIA COURTS?
    WHERE'S THE UFO-CONTACT BUREAU?
    WHERE'S THE PERSONAL JET FOR BO?
    (etc., ad nauseum)

  62. aious

    I am still waiting for someone to post a sign near it with the location of it…."The birth certificate is located in Hawaii where everyone elses is…."

Comments are closed.