India Receives Intel That Terrorist Coconuts Want To Assassinate Obama

President Obama will be embarking on a trip tomorrow to visit his real constituency — the world's foreigners — to size up, as all American presidents do, potential countries to invade. But recently some local Muslim produce heard about his refusal to wear a Muslim head-covering and became radicalized.

Officials in the Indian city of Mumbai (Bombay) have taken extraordinary measures to protect US President Barack Obama ahead of his visit.

In their effort to provide maximum security in the run-up to his visit on Friday, they have removed coconuts which may fall on his head from trees.

All coconuts around the city's Gandhi museum have now been cut down, an official told the BBC.

Every year in India people are injured or even killed by falling coconuts.

Colonialism is to blame, as usual. And Indians murdering and eating these coconuts. [ BBC via Wonkette operative "Limeylizzie"]