About the author

Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

View all articles by Jack Stuef

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

58 comments

  1. ttommyunger

    John is soooo cute! That knowing smile, those watery eyes, that leathery complexion, that clever forward comb-over, that soured cottage cheese skin. Just makes you want to pick him up and hug him, real close, real tight……until he stops trying to breathe.

  2. petehammer

    Dear Lord, how dare you remind me of that abomination! I have tried to scrub it from my mind! Over-the-top, unfunny, mugging, scary to children, terrible imagery, lowest-common-denominator and supposedly he's a horrible person to work with.

    As to the Cat in the Hat, I haven't seen it.

    (Easy joke, I know)

  3. Kidneys4Sale

    For the moment, he's just pleased to see you struggle against the leather straps. This relative paradise will not last.

    1. natoslug

      I do not like him, Sam I am. I do not like him on a boat. I do not like him, dead in a moat. I do not like him in the senate. I do not like him, I really mean it. (work with me here, I've got nothing but assonance)

      update: Okay, should have been House, rhymes with assful of mouse. Gah!

  4. Katydid

    I think Boner is more like that other Seuss favorite:

    The Grinch hated Health Care! The whole Health Care Bill!
    Now, please don't ask why. Everyone knows he is ill.
    It could be that his head wasn't screwed on quite right.
    It could be, perhaps, that his shoes were too tight.
    But I think that the most likely reason of all
    May have been that his heart was two sizes too small.

  5. Oblios_Cap

    I smile like that after a three day bender, too. The light tends to hurt my eyes.

    I heard Boner really wanted to be the Majority Whip until he found up they don't really get to whip people.

  6. RedneckMuslin

    I'm still waiting for him to explain the sexually-asphyxiated body they found under his house. You all did hear about that, didn't you?

  7. SwattieSwat

    Under all of that melanoma, you can still see the hate. And that's what I voted for, that twinkle of hate under the warm veneer of Stage Sunny-D skin cancer.

  8. SayItWithWookies

    Let's not talk up his likeable qualities yet — we're working up to a good frothy loathing.

  9. DingusMcHatred

    Some are sad. And some are glad. And some are very, very bad. Why are they sad and glad and bad? I do not know. Go ask that orange shithead over there.

  10. ReturnToMetal

    One is a stupid actor who makes himself up to look like something he's not.

    The other is Mike Myers as The Cat in the Hat.

  11. snoopyfan2010

    Faux news is now reporting that the market is doing well and banks are lending money again. So soon???

  12. Negropolis

    I'm just glad we weren't subjected to a close-up of Mitch McConnell. Dude looks like a reconstructed burn victim with all types of Bells Palsy ravaging his visage.

    How he ever ended up with Elaine Chao, I do not know.

    1. Kidneys4Sale

      Well, dude takes a hard line against stem cells and whatnot, so as a Rethug it stands to reason he had her cloned.

      1. Negropolis

        Probably, though, it does beg the questions of why he also didn't use them to repair his Sith Lord mask. His face muscles and skin look like they've detatched from his skull.

  13. nachoproblem

    Well! I personally find "The Cunt in the Hat" to be a HIGHLY OFFENSIVE title for… Uh, what? You mean it's not called the… ? Oh well, whatever.

  14. Kidneys4Sale

    And will the Conservos all claim that that haircut is perfect for running and that there are no pantyhose here, still, also?

  15. ktr

    Wow. Every single one of the above comments are either hateful or stupidly immature. Pathetic. I would love to post a picture of every one of you and see what people write about your appearance.

      1. ktr

        Ha Ha! Yes, you are right, I am grumpy. But people always complain that our politicians are idiots, yet who in their right mind would want to run for office when they are subjected to this kind of crap?

        1. Trinket

          You get a point for being good-natured. :) But you lose a point for being a right-wing tool. Who expects to run for office and not get subjected to this crap?

    1. SFH15963

      It's a post comparing how John Boehner looks slightly like the Cat in the Hat. Did you expect commentary akin to the writings of Thomas Paine or the letter from St. Paul to the Romans?

      Lighten up, Francis.

  16. Trinket

    I've always thought John Boehner looks like the love child of Thurston Howell III and Huckleberry Hound.

Comments are closed.