Our favorite American Family Association blogger, Bryan Fischer, took to the organization’s blog on Election Day to write about the issue that was on every voter’s mind: “tax-payer funded contraception.” For too long America has had a method to have sex without having babies, and we have to work quickly to end this right now because, as Fischer says, the “utter disaster I call MussoliniCare may soon make contraception free (which means everybody else pays for it) to women in the U.S.” This country is barely making enough babies as it is. But even worse, it’s making the wrong kind of babies, ones that aren’t born into white two-parent opposite-sex households who buy the AFA’s $50 porn filter. And Fischer has a solution: The government needs to make married couples have three kids AT LEAST.
So no taxpayer funded contraception period for unwed men and women. Period. Not another dime to Planned Parenthood since they insist on handing the stuff out to single people like candy while scarfing down hundreds of millions of tax dollars.
And we shouldn’Â’t force Americans to pay for married-couple contraception either. Many Roman Catholics, for instance, believe contraception itself is immoral. To force them to pay for other people to get it is to violate JeffersonÂ’s dictum.
But no, this all wouldn’t be because Fischer is Catholic or anything like that.
Our fertility rate right now is barely at replacement level, and thatÂ’s with 40% of our children born out-of-wedlock — bastards, to use the quaint and correct term (dictionary: “bastard: a person born of parents not married to each other”). ThatÂ’s not name-calling, itÂ’s telling the truth.
This is just the best. Everything that is “quaint” is “correct,” obviously. (Bryan, this is not telling the truth, it’s using a synonym for no other reason than to name-call. Also: dictionary: apostrophe: “a mark ‘ used to indicate the omission of letters or figures, the possessive case, or the plural of letters or figures.”)
The last thing we need is any public policy that encourages married couples to have fewer children. In fact, the American standard ought to be a minimum of three children per married couple. [...]
In order to “multiply” – that is, to grow in number – each couple has to have at least three children. If you have two, you’Â’re not multiplying, you’Â’re just replacing yourself. Now some couples may have infertility problems, or other medical problems. Such medical problems limited my wife and me, for instance, to two children. Those things are unavoidable in a fallen world.
Haha. Fischer doesn’t want to be a hypocrite, but some lady once ate an apple off a tree, so he has only excreted semen on exactly two occasions in his lifetime.
IN CONCLUSION, EVERYONE WHO IS NOT BRYAN FISCHER needs to get married to a member of the opposite sex right now and immediately have three children. It is the only way to save American Caucasia from the immigrants and the bastards. [AFA]
{ 240 comments }
Violate Jefferson's Dictum? Ouch!
And didn't Jefferson spawn a few bastards himself?
Dictum? I barely knew him!
No taking in the ass for fun either. Sex, good ol' fashioned sex, is man on top! No experimenting! No blowjobs either, that sperm you swallowed might have been the next GWB, or Hoover. Each sperm is a life. No masturbating. Masturbation = baby killing.
Every sperm is sacred..lalalala
I have been a fucking mass murderer since I was 12 years old.
I'm with you B,
I make Stalin look like….look like….look like….Today we are all Stalins.
Sr. Jean?
Favorite Neil Hamburger joke:
"Did you hear about Timothy McVeigh's plan to kill a million people?
He ejaculated onto the floor of his jail cell."
If masturbation = baby killing, does fellatio = cannibalism. In that case, I am a monster.
But they weren't the right (white) kind of bastards for Bryan.
Didn't Sally Hemmings violate Jefferson's dictum???
The "dictum" is slightly to the right of the sphincter, only more so.
Near Palin's taint, isn't it?
"Near Palin's taint, t'aint it?"/ fixed.
My husband's parents were married, and he's still a bastard.
Thanks, I'll be here all week.
[APPLAUSE APPLAUSE!] How I can relate to that one!
I would like to ass-rape that douchebag Bryan Fischer with Jefferson's dictum. That's not name calling, that's just telling the truth.
It's not rape if Bryan Fischer taps his foot at you from under the bathroom stall.
Everything that is “quaint” is “correct,” obviously.
Except the "quaint" restrictions against torture in the Geneva Convention protocols, obvs.
Everything that is "quaint" is a Shakespearian dirty joke.
Well, it does rhyme with, uh, "taint."
I had three children last night — now what?
Well, as long as they were old enough to be impregnated and you didn't use a condom, I'm sure Bryan Fischer would have no problem with that.
A pedophile impregnating their own prey is akin to a drug dealer getting high on their own supply.
"Say hello to my leetle friend," indeed.
I thought it was more analogous to saving seed corn.
Now you get out there and perform mass like you should, father, and remember to remind the kids they'll go to hell if they anybody.
Dude, I'm not fucking Catholic — what kinda monster do you think I am?!
Oh, a boy scout leader then; sorry.
My wife is Catholic, so I guess I'm fucking Catholic.
Baked or fried?
Much like Gerardo, I eat 'em raw like sushi.
Did you remember to include your non-gay spouse? S'the only way it counts to Jebus.
Now you have three more chances of winning the National Baby Jesus's Birthday Tree Lighting Ceremony Lottery.
That depends. Are you white?
Get back to work you slacker! Who do you expect to pay for your spawn? The socialist state? Not in Tea Party Land.
Is the AFA in favor of free beer? Because if you drink enough of it there seem to be more pretty girls around and they're important for baby makin'.
But, whisky dick.
Or O'Donnell Crotch.
Hmmm. Sounds like Fischer's dictum hasn't been violated in a long, long time.
Sounds like Bryan hasn't made his eagle scream in a long, long time.
The Duggars have my share covered.
I call dibs on two or three of Octomoms!
Kate Gosselin's uterus gets my undying thanks.
Not white babies therefore does not count.
Surely nothing would please Teabaggers more than a government-mandated Three Child Policy.
Yes, let's flood the Nation with newborns and, at the same time, cut social services down to nothing!
Conservatives are quaint, aren't they?
Yeah but then you can keep the illegals out and Americans won't be so snooty they won't pick their own vegatables.
Well, who else is going to work the mines and sweep the chimneys? Put those little non-bastards to work.
Actually, deleting your ambient sarcasm that's actually a pretty astute observation. Tea Baggers after all are the people who scream regulating wallstreet is oppressive but torture and warrantless spying? That's all gravy, baby!
I would be in favor of LIMITING the teabaggers to three kids. Most of those fuckers breed like rabbits.
limit them to three if mom and dad count for one each.
They'd have to guarantee an income for said parents. (Like Nixon wanted to do, if I remember right.)
Oh yeah? Suggest tying the tubes of all black and latina women and watch the starbursts.
Only you and your penis and a willing, fertile vagina can save mankind! Fuck now and fuck often. Do it for humanity, for the children. Oh god, for the CHILDREN! Please, why won't someone think of the children? Um yeah, Bryan, we have too few Americans being born, just like there are too few cockroaches, too few ecoli bacteria in that 3 day old, undercooked anus burger in the back of your frigdge, and too few diseases riding the cock of your favorite hooker.
"We need more Trig's, not less."
OK, I'll have them but I ain't raising the little fuckers. You want 'em, Bryan, you raise 'em. And I expect a little compensation for my trouble ($75,000 each + medical expenses might cover it).
This is pretty much how I put it to my fiance, as well. He wasn't thrilled, but has agreed that I don't have to have any contact with them once they start walking.
If we haveve learned nothing else from the Mid Terms, … the first step is to shave that bush.
Isn't "SHAVE! THAT! BUSH!" what they yell near the end of every episode of "Extreme Makeover: Crotch Edition"?
And TLC's ratings go THROUGH THE ROOF!
How are you gonna vajazzle anyone into making babby's if you dont' shave that bush?
I believe the preference for anonymous douchebags the world over is that the bush be waxed until it shines.
Reminds 'em of their underaged girl-friend.
Another case where stupid really ought to hurt. If forcing me to fund things that I am morally opposed to violates Jefferson's dictum (which it doesn't, obviously) we can start defunding the Pentagon, aid to all religious organizations including religious colleges and their federal financial aid, etc. And lets get rid of the tax exemption for churches too, I am morally opposed.
Gee, Bryan, I would really love to help you out, but I kinda like my disposable income and the idea that my one kid will be out the house by the time I'm 45.
Just hope that your kid is out of the house by the time he/she is 45.
"Our public policy with regard to the family should be based on five principles: sex is good, sex is for marriage, marriage is between a man a woman, children are good, children are for marriage"
So if we follow Mr. Fischer's equation:
Sex = Good
Sex = Marriage
Therefore Marriage = Good
Children = Marriage
Good = Children
Therefore Children = Sex!
…Uh oh.
You don't even need to do the equation because of this: "…children are for marriage"???? The prosecution can basically just show this to the jury and he's gone for life.
Oh, please! You and your fancy, elitist, Socialist, East Coast "logic!"
Ah, the old "if the government does something you don't like, you shouldn't have to pay for it." That never seems to apply when I try to stop paying taxes to protest my government killing brown people.
No birth control for women but free Viagra for all the white male Christian Conservatives! USA! USA!
Do I have to get pregnant three times, or will a set of triplets take care of it?
Non-breeders like Fischer need to be placed on an island in the arctic. We don't want non-sperm producing men to be sexing up the women making them too tired to spread 'em for a fertile turtle.
Because we need a smaller and less intrusive government that leaves health care indecisions to the induhvidual like god intended the government needs to make married couples have three kids AT LEAST.
I love the logic here: the reason that there are so many babies are born out of wedlock is because Planned Parenthood is handing out contraceptives to unmarried people.
Well, that's because contraceptives don't work, obviously. And condoms spread AIDS.
If Planned Parenthood stopped hadning out the contraceptives then couples would have no choice but to get married! I can't believe you don't see that!
Man needs to price the cost of a marriage versus the cost of a box of rubbers. Still paying on the first marriage, but I owe nothing to Trojan, Inc.
Jeffersons (sic) Dictum, not unlike the taint, is the area from the dick to the rectum, and… and… you bastard, leave Thomas Jefferson out of your pervy politics.
It also boggles my mind that these people think that free birth control would be a bad investment for the government, or a bigger waste of money than paying for a child's upbringing for the next 18 years in the foster care system.
and jail terms. don't forget jail terms.
I thought about it, but didn't want to offend anyone who spent their life in the foster system.
and then paying for however many years the unwanted bastard spends in and out of the prison system before finally kicking off. say, what about that death penalty, bryan?
Haha! Christians LOVE the death penalty. That's why they want so many babies to be borned.
Same logic that says paying for public schools is worse than paying for lifetime prison sentences.
i can see it now. cock cops and pussy police, kicking down the door. "you goddamn muthafuckin wanker, you bring that dick to attention and get it in there now! never mind if she's not wet yet, she'll catch up!"
So… you've been to a party at my house.
Real americans have at least 7 in case the government takes the first 4.
Helps offset those vicious Children's Services quotas.
Um, okay. I suspect that they mean white babies and not tinted ones.
So where will the money come from to pay for these extra brats, er, kids? Where will they get jobs? Where will the extra oil and resources needed come from?
Fucking AFA retards.
Don't ask that question, because you know the answer will just be something like "Jesus".
or "jesus!"
The money will come from the parents' being rewarded for their hard work, which will not be taxed. Everyone will be rich and will need no government services.
And if they get hungry, they can just cook and eat one of the pigs that have started flying.
Or one of those damn kids that are always underfoot (a la Jonathan Swift's modest proposal).
All will flow from the tax dollars no longer disappearing into the ravenous maw of Planned Parenthood, obvs.
By eliminating those burdensome safety regulations and those job-killing unions. And then the whole family will get jobs – we don't need those damn child labor laws!
And the job killing minimum wage. Let those children make a dollar a day just like Ma and Pa!
I wondered what they had in mind for us fans of race-mixing!
In his previous column, Fischer railed against illegitimate children. Someone young and naive, like my daughter, might ask, well, doesn't it make sense to distribute contraception to everyone, if this is what he wants? But no.
methinks the medical problems he is referring to are birth control pills or his wife had her tubes tied.
I'm guessing impotence. It isn't easy for Fischer to keep that picture of Kirk Cameron in his head during sex.
she tied his. "you want another brat, have it yourself!"
Fischer should know by now that butt-fucking men will not produce offspring. Oh when will he change his wayward ways and get with the program? I understand Megs McCain is available; nobody wants to fuck her.
I'd fuck her, but I sure don't want to cum in her.
I want to cum on her tits is what I'm saying.
I prefer to cum in her mouth … that way, she won't be talking.
I'd do her. And I'm a girl. And I think she'd be OK with it.
Maybe if she couldn't talk. And looked less like Cindy, who reminds me of an aging Barbie doll. Not sexy. No, I thought about it, definitely not interested. It's one of those cute-until-she-opens-her-mouth kinda situations.
I would do her to spend some quality time with those big boobs. But then I get afraid she would starting talking about republican shit and I would want to hit myself in the head with Carl Paladino's bat.
I'm OK with that, too. Ummmm. Need someone to, oh….I don't know, hold your purse?
That's OK. I think I'll have Megs do that. How will she ever learn otherwise, right?
Yeah, OK, right. (sigh)
In order to “multiply” – that is, to grow in number – each couple has to have at least three children. If you have two, you’Â’re not multiplying, you’Â’re just replacing yourself.
This is just the sort of logic one would expect from someone who believes the endtimes are a-comin' any day now. Screw conservation, get out there and BREED.
I assume Bryan and his wife plan on killing themselves once their children start breeding, otherwise his idea breaks down rather rapidly.
You wouldn't want to violate Jefferson's dictum. That would make him really mad, and he'd probably take it out on Sally Hemmings, then practice his French for two hours, play the violin a while, design an addition to Monticello, and write the Declaration of Independence.
GOP's new slogan: If they're old enough to breed they're old enough for me.
No the saying for republicans and some catholics is, if she is old enough to pee she is old enough for me.
Bryan's going to starburst all down his leg when he hears of this girl: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20101102/ap_on_re_eu/e...
I once met a guy who had a booth at the university I was attending and his shtick was that the world was under populated and the entire population of the USA could live comfortably in Fort Lauderdale Florida. I was astounded at his claim and asked what would they do with all the shit these people would produce. He didn’t answer me.
I could never live comfortably in Fort Lauderdale, particularly during Spring Break.
She is pissed at him because the "enrapturing" is very brief…
In a fallen world, some people are enraptured while others are 'left behind'.
Funny that he doesn't want people to violate "Jefferson's dictum" (note: a dictum is a non-binding legal statement) yet he is trying to prevent people from following Jefferson's other dictum of the Declaration of Independence by outlawing the pursuit of happiness (orgasms).
"And we shouldn’t force Americans to pay for married-couple contraception either. Many Roman Catholics, for instance, believe contraception itself is immoral. To force them to pay for other people to get it is to violate Jefferson's dictum."
Well in my faith, war is immoral. When we stop having to pay for wars we can talk about birth control. Actually, stopping wars might solve that de-population problem he's so worried about.
My wife has cut me off from the nookie, ever since she found out about that choirboy I've been "counseling."
Fixed.
Or "I can't get it up in front of my wife because she doesn't have a dick".
What if you have three children but one of them turns out gay? Do you have to have another to "make up" for the gay one? And can couples who don't want children purchase Child Credits from those who have more than three? Finally, what EXACTLY will you do to me if I continue with this selfishness and refuse to have kids? Because I really want to weigh my options here…
Oh please, the gay kid thing is an easy fix, thanks to PRAY THE GAY AWAY(tm). Your stubborn refusal to have kids, otoh, will doubtless earn you a one way ticket to the nearest Six Flags Over Jesus re-education camp.
Umm… you bash its head in with a rock.
Haven't been reading AFA articles very long, have you?
I see what you're getting at — it's something like measuring one's "Whiteness Footprint." Even the browns have one, because of the "Offsets." So what is my Whiteness Footprint if I don't reproduce at all, vs. altering the white/brown ratio by having some little negroes? And what if me and Ms. Kincaid had had some black/Ojibwe/Jewish/Wisconsin-Saxon kids? Would my Whiteness Footprint be at some negative fraction? Who's good at eugenmatics?
You can be sure that if you thought of it, someone else did too.
Fuck me, John Lennon already said that in a song!
"The medical problem is that I'm just awful, awful, awful physically and emotionally"
Since he doesn't mention the specific problem he and his unfortunate wife have, it's reasonable to assume that he's shootin' blanks.
Or, maybe it's because he can't cum unless he's stabbing his wife in the pooper while fantasizing about that Boy Scout he "mentors".
Or perhaps his wife finally realized she had married a turd.
Can't get it up while in female company?
I have to assume he's got a long-form "My Cock Doesn't Work" certificate with which he can finally prove his reason for not having a third child?
Sterilized by venereal disease, do you suppose?
Hot marital sex in the Fischer household:
This would explain why they only have the two kids.
While reading that I spawned about 3 more.
Probably explains why she needed a pool boy.
Bryan Fischer, United Physically You!!1!
Honey, call me. I'm at the Restless Physical Yearning Association. It's in the book, in the yellowed pages. I'm sure I can help.
Will Fischer be satisfied if I knock up three unemployed barflies to whom I give a fake name and phone number and then the state has to subsidize the raising of my little bastards? Because if so, I'm already there.
Hah, it's a good thing Americans, Christian and otherwise, don't believe that anything else is immoral, because it would be really lame if we had to stop using tax dollars to, say, murder and torture brown people halfway across the world.
But, I'm pretty sure the AFA has already mentioned -or soon will- why that stuff's different.
But they aren't christians. What about Tareq Aziz you say. He's a christian and the Vatican asked out Iraqi puppets not to kill him. Okay. But he is brown. That cancels out his christianity and makes him a muslin just like it does with the president. So off with his head.
The bigger share are Eastern Rite Catholics, but US Prots of the GWB variety don't think they count.
As long as we're asking to stop paying for things we don't like to fund with tax dollars, can we stop spattering human entrails all over the ground at weddings with robot army airplanes.
I don't think Jesus likes that shit either. What's that Jesus? Yep, he said he doesn't.
Thank you.
I got a vasectomy so I wouldn’t accidentally have any kids. I recall what I was like as a child and I didn’t want to subject myself to something like myself. I’m happy to go through the motions but 3 kids ain’t happening.
"Fischer doesn’t want to be a hypocrite, but some lady once ate an apple off a tree, so he has only excreted semen on exactly two occasions in his lifetime."
. . . well, into a female-human-of-childbearing-age's vagina, at least.
Cool. I hate that my tax dollars go to support things like war on brown people and keeping potheads in jail. How about we add some checklists for things we want/don't want to support to the tax forms and make things really exciting in this fucking wackadoo country!
Also, Churchy: If you're gonna make my uterus put out like that you better buy me a nice steak dinner first. At a classy place!
You deserve much more than that. The Congressional Medal of Honor comes to mind.
But what if we're about to make it with a girl who looks like a chunky Reese Witherspoon and then she says that she's on the pill? That just kills the boner, if one is a raging douchebag with deep psychosexual issues brought on by a Catholic upbringing.
That's too deep. When in doubt. Wear a raincoat.
BTW, the photo looks like Larry King fondling Levi Johnson's hand.
I noticed another tattoo on Levi's arm. Are they labelled "left" and "right"?
Do I have to have more if I have two or three sister-wives? because I may need some sweet welfare to support them.
Fischer needs to clear this up, toot sweet–is he talking arithmetic or geometric increases?
EDIT: I have no idea what that means. I just pretend I know something about math because I read XKCD.
A complicated, yet highly lucrative, Fibonacci-based fertility formula is applied when sister-wives are involved.
So, to answer your question: PORK AWAY, PAL! FUCK 'EM BLUE!
Put the wives to work. The kids can raise a big garden to feed you. You can earn big bucks with ads on your own web page.
Dumb shit like that makes me wish that every anti-abortion nitwit would be forced to spend a week following the staff around in a clinic.
I used to work at an abortion clinic. A lot of our patients wrote "abstinence" as their method of birth control. We also had quite a few people who refused birth control for religious reasons, but who had multiple abortions at our clinic. Then there were the anti-abortion patients who claimed they "had to" have an abortion, unlike our other patients (those sluts!).
By that commenter's logic, I could argue that being anti-choice and religious causes you to have abortions. SAVE THE BABIES, BECOME AN ATHEIST!!
' medical problems limited my wife and me, for instance, to two children. Those things are unavoidable in a fallen world.'
I guess I never really considered latent homosexuality to be a medical problem… but you know these 'pray out the gay' type folks.
I know that most of the pray the gay folks are praying to give rest stop bjs on the way home from the prayer meeting.
And these are the asswads in control of the country now? Jesus wept.
I know. It's only been 24 hours. Settle down, Bryan, you've got two years to try to turn America into a theocracy.
Someone needs to tell this outfit that funding for rubbers or whatever is pulled out of the thin air and no one is ever going to pay for those nasty rubbers or the golden toilets in the Senator's suites.
FIAT money. (fix it again Tony)
I guess it doesn't count if me and the missus take one of the Arizona babies. They said themselves they had more'n they can handle.
Snarko, you got a panty on your head.
The bastard won't even be invited home for Thanksgiving! He can give thanks on his own dime, AMIRITE?!?!!??!?!
Manly Jesus deems it so!
While Americans might be sensibly not having too many kids these days, there are many parts of the world, mostly in the third world, suffering from a severe overpopulation crisis. So the AFA should agree that the much more simple way to ensure we have enough people would be to lift a lot of the immigration restrictions and quotas so that more people who want to move here can come.
Oh wait, they just want more white Christians, that's right.
Those things are unavoidable in a fallen world.
Fallen world? Fallen where? Out of orbit? ARE WE PLUNGING INTO THE SUN!?!! AYYEEEEEE! Damn. And just when I turned pregnant!
Contraception is wrong, Wrong, WRONG! Keep in mind, however, that when you pound an altar boy there's no risk of pregnancy, so no need for contraceptives, so it's cool.
Also, none of them filthy woman parts are involved so its just good clean man fun. For manly Jeebus.
You do realize that the "medical problems" he's speaking of refer to the time he confessed to his wife that he's been gay fucking his meth dealer. After that she refused to have sex with him again.
and thatÂ’s with 40% of our children born out-of-wedlock
Well at least Bristol Palin is helping with this part.
Let the record show, AFA is the first group to publicly call Tripp Palin a Bastard.
I give a tenth of my children to the church already (not the whole child–I'm white for fuck's sake–just a tenth of each one). Sure, they cry as I harvest their offering, but I remind them how close to God our family becomes with each amputation and how lucky they are not to be born to liberals.
You know what I think is immoral? I don't think Jeebus would have approved of a hot piece of lead that can fly faster than the speed of sound.
Can we now adjust public policy to conform to my moral beliefs?
Haha. Fischer doesn’t want to be a hypocrite, but some lady once ate an apple off a tree, so he has only excreted semen on exactly two occasions in his lifetime.
What makes you think Fischer is actually the father?
Let immigrants in, if they agree to have three children. Problem solved, right? Huh? I can't hear you?
History proves more contraceptives = more abortions, not less.
That poster is wrong wrong wrong. I know for a fact that history shows, again and again, that nature points out the folly of man.
Oh no there goes Tokyo, we must replace the dead Japanese quick.ly. Hopefully they didn't fear the reaper.
So, he wants to make it mandatory to have 3 kids if you get married…..?
I'm sure that wouldn't slow the rate of marriages down to, oh, roughly zero.
Larry was heard to say, "But that's nothing but a cheap ring from a Cracker Back Jox!"
rocky rococo, at your cervix.
I'm so screwed….I had a vasectomy after two….I guess now I have to go to the jails for those underperformers….
Ahh, yes the catholic church may object to rubbers. Well by all means let's appease the catholic church because we all know how pro family and (especially) pro children the church is. And for all the catholics who looked the other way for like two millennia as priests raped and abused boy children wholesale, yes we will change that policy immediately. On second thought, how about I just strangle you to death with my bare hands!
hypocritical freaks. There, I feel better now
Also, guise, are you sure you didn't miss an asterisk at the end of the article? Because I have on good information that non-white couples who have at least three kids are still called "welfare queens", not "good christians".
Didn't you see where it said good Christians? Those non-white people are not Christians (Muslim) so they can't be good.
Good point: it's a well documented fact that Baptist churches are really a front for Nation of Islam, and "Iglesia Pentecostal" is Messkin for "Muslin Sharia-Mosk".
And Jehova's Witnesses… well, let's just say that they're more like Jehova's Material Witnesses, if you catch my meaning.
Papist n. A Roman Catholic
What do you mean, derogatory? It's in the dictionary! (See also: blowhard)
"make contraception free (which means everybody else pays for it) to women in the U.S…."
So, women don't have to pay taxes anymore? Suh-weet!
Thank you, thank you, 'Bukakke' Bryan of the Fallen Testicles.
Well, off for the weekend. Guess I'll go hit a few bars and see if I can indiscriminately spray my seed into various and sundry wombs of the North San Antonio variety. Wish me good luck and Godspeed!!
♫ Proud to be an American, where at least I spread my seed! ♪
Sorry to rain non-semen on your parade, but Bry here did say he didn't much approve of bastard kids.
So plan on becoming Mormon, I guess?
Like we don't have enough white trash running around here. More strip malls, more tract houses, more snotty nosed, under-educated brats!
Overpopulation? What's that?
I would totally be open to the wingnuts breeding over capacity, running dry on resources, and then exterminating each other in some sort of Galtian apocalyspe scenario, but then I remember I live in the same country as these freaks. They'd be sucking up my resources too. Maybe if we isolated them all on a giant island and just let them go at it….
Judging by the amount of families with 1 or 2 kids I see at mass, I would have to say, not that many Roman Catholics are opposed to birth control. Actually the only ones who are, protect Priests who molest kids so why should they get a say?
Ow.
He would first want to know if you and the wife are white and Xian.
i care not one whit for squire mussolini's caring assistance. i'm a protestant. i can go to the drugstore and purchase plastic wrap or sandwich bags, whichever the wife prefers, and rubber bands also, to hold them in place. such is the power of the free market, which has made the empire great.
a song now:
"whistle while you work,
fischer was a jerk.
mussolini bit his weenie,
then it wouldn't squirt."
this is the part of the show where we dance.
When Martin Luther nailed his protest up to the church door in fifteen-seventeen, he may not have realized the full significance of what he was doing, but four hundred years later, thanks to him, my dear, I can wear whatever I want on my John Thomas; and Protestantism doesn't stop at the simple condom! Oh, no! I can wear French Ticklers if I want.
No, see, he said: "fallen world". Which means the only thing you did wrong is not blame your wife enough for her inability to bear your progeny, and also for her being indirectly responsible for the existence of sin in the world.
A good plan for getting in good with Space Gandalf is to remind her of this fact three times a day, preferably over the meals you force her to cook for you, like some sort of hired servant, under threat of beatings. But make sure the rod you use is no thicker than your thumb! It's how Jeepus wanted it!
"a cook you can fuck is a gift from god." — bryan fisherofmen
Fuck AFA; nothing but hypocritical blowhards. They even offer "intrusion alarms" on their website.
http://afaprotectivesystems.com/security.htm
They'd be more than happy to install one of those onto every American's buttocks.
To be sure, you know, that there were no "intrusions" down there.
I only have two children, I wonder if my ex-wife would want to get together and fix that. And I also wonder what her new husband would say about that. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
Utter disaster? udder disaster / fixed. I crack myself up.
We had some couples in my hometown who deeply desired more children. Then the kids told the cops and now those couples are all in jail now.
Yeah, really all that's gonna do is make you dizzy and puke. Not so good for driving.
A call for an endless supply of Crusaders. Good luck with that when Repugnants see the Medicaid bill.
We'll shoot the menfolk and sell off the wimmin!!
And I am so disturbed that menfolk is OK spelling-wise but Wonkette isn't.
Thanks AFA! Now that our Orange Overlord has assumed control of the USAmerikka gubbermint prolifers can step it up a notch. Xtine O'D(ed) can help get the message out. EVERY SPERM IS SACRED (eggs not so much, they're just the dirt in which the little homunculae grow.)
Maybe we should compare how much money goes to Planned Parenthood with how many taxpayer dollars are used to pay for folks' child tax credits ($1,000 per bugger per year), child care credits, dependency deductions, and the wonderful additional child tax credit (which can result in a return of money paid into social security and medicare).
Or maybe I can just pitch in a few bucks for the "Neuter Fischer" campaign.
Can some of us be excused please?
I'd be a terrible parent and besides, some families–the Palins for example, are doing more than their share. Between Sarah and Bristol you've already got the offspring equivalent of at least four heterosexual couples.
Always works for me.
Well, you need females too – who else is going to do the cookin' n cleanin' n child-bearin'?
Fischer is an asshole. That's not name-calling, it's telling the truth.
Kids: When violating Jefferson's dictum, always use protection.
So I take it that Bryan thinks Muslins and Messicans are the true AmeriKKKans.
Dictum? It damned near killed him!
One out of every four babies born in American is Mexican.
So they want to mandate that you have children, but contend the Federal Government cannot mandate that you have health insurance.
THE FUCKING STUPID, IT BURNS!!!!!
Thanks AFA! Now that our Orange Overlord has assumed control of the USAmerikka gubbermint prolifers can step it up a notch. Xtine O'D(ed) can help get the message out. EVERY SPERM IS SACRED (eggs not so much
Fischer's trolling for all the women who hate him. If the taxpayers fund his sexual escapades, they'll have to give in!
Masculine Jesus done put a hole in Bryan Fischer's baby batter bag?
Why do I suspect instead, he is violating
redictums, leaving no extra shitperson seeds to empoopen his wife's uterus with?Hey, dickhead: If Gawd loves you, why would He strike YOU with infertility?
So, you're basically say that Gawd is an a-hole.
Check.
I'm so relieved that our new right wing overlords are dedicated to removing government intrusion in people's lives.
Haha ha ha hahaha. I slay me.
Chew on this Needs!Viagra!Boy: our subsidies for your corn syrup diseases are 100,000x your pitiful subsidies to our birth control pills and ribbed condoms. Let's have a subsidizing stuff face off. Please.
MussoliniCare just doesn't have the right ring to it. Let's just go with AdolfHitlerMobileCare. That way not only do you have the fear of Hitler, but it's also mobile and coming to a neighborhood near you!
I was born a Bastard and I know there are millions of us, because there was never a time where unmarried people bred recklessly despite harsh mores of whatever time it was. People will say there was a "golden era" where girls kept their legs closed for marriage. Never happened. There is plenty of documentation where young white girls who got themselves "in a way" would disappear to these homes for unwed knocked up girls where they would be coerced to give up their children to redeem themselves. This is while black women were discouraged from giving their children up so they can be held up as reckless breeders while white girls were held up as good girls. They only like certain babies from certain mothers it turns out.
Currently, there is a Quiverfull movement that tells couples to forget birthcontrol and let God tell them how many kids they should have. If you can't have children, you are referred to as an "empty quiver." The Duggans who have 19 kids and counting have a teevee show. They are supposedly Quiverfull. Quiverfull families are supposed to be birthing warriors for God.
The scourge of mindless puritanism abides and manifests itself in really weird ways.
The easiest thing to do would be re-define some Hispanics as "white." I'm sure many already think themselves "blanco" if you ask! After all, Italians and Catholics generally didn't used to count as "white" Americans!
Uh-oh. That Pugsly Limbaugh is sure in trouble. Let's see….four marriages…no babies. Im sure they'll call him on his inability to plant his amazing seed, on loan from Viagara.
They are boldly going THERE now. Out of the woodwork with their Values Policies to prove their common sense constitutional prowess – by having them regulate Family Planning.
Now I expect my democrat officials to start out their speeches with "Do you love your freedom?!"
There are 6 masturbation groups in the masturbation pyramid…
Blogging Hank Hill has a narrow urethra.
Dictum? I hardly know him!
Dictum? Damned near rectum!
You know who else…
Berlin, 1933: "Regulations were issued to implement a law authorizing interest-free loans to newly married couples, provided they were biologically sound, their fecundity would be 'in the public interest,' and the woman was not in paid employment. One-quarter of the initial loan was to be canceled on the birth of each of the first four children. …Funds for granting loans were initially raised by taxes on unmarried working men and women."
Excuse my Godwin.
Shit, I'm barren. Guess I better go find H.I. and have him find me some babies.
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