jaywalking

Election Shocker! Meghan McCain Got All Her Midterm Predictions Wrong


The greatest joy of our election-night liveblogging was the moment, in the wee hours of the morning, that we realized every prediction Meghan McCain had made in her little column about the midterms was incorrect. Then this came into our inbox: “MEGHAN MCCAIN BREAKS DOWN THE MID-TERM ELECTION RESULTS ON NBC’S ‘THE TONIGHT SHOW WITH JAY LENO’ TONIGHT (NOVEMBER 3).” Oh God, were there ever two greater talentless, pandering dolts to grace their respective “careers”? Too bad Meg’s sexual-harassing suitor Richard Cohen wasn’t invited to this Algonquin Round Table of stupidity.

The thing about Jay Leno’s audience is they would be Teabaggers if they had any idea what politics is or how one goes about voting.

“I think, obviously, it was a big night for Republicans and if I were President Obama, I would be very nervous and not necessarily doing serious interviews with Ryan Seacrest. I would be a lot more concerned with what the American public was thinking… I’m one of the people that still holds the office of the presidency very seriously, and I think it’s kind of trashy, I don’t know.”

Yes, Meghan McCain doesn’t know, and that’s why it’s insane that people pay her for her opinion. Also, she thinks it’s “kind of trashy”? Does she want us to break out that boob Twitpic of her? Does she want us to mention how her entire “career” is “kind of trashy”?

“I made some predictions. I am now zero and four… I’m actually a pretty good blackjack player, but I made, I was like, ‘Meg Whitman’s gonna win, Sharron Angle all the way! And Meg Whitman, yeah!”

So she should pursue a career in blackjack instead of trying in vain to figure out politics? Sounds good to us.

Oh, and Meghan also made fun of Christine O’Donnell because “She will have to actually get a job now,” according to Leno. (She won’t.) Meg’s dad probably “HENGH”ed for a good five minutes after hearing that, and momentarily considered not sending in her rent check this month. [YouTube]

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Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

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117 comments

  1. hagajim

    Ahhh – but Meagan has one thing going for her that Leno doesn't…boobs. She has them and he is one.

    1. Beowoof

      And I think Jack should break out the boob pic, it makes anything written about Megs or anything she says so much more interesting. And does Leno still have a show? Imagine that, no wonder America voted for republicans they watch Leno's drivel and Fox's insanity.

  2. SnarkoMarx

    "Does she want us to break out that boob Twitpic of her?"

    Actually yes. I'm quite certain she does- and any others you might have that you haven't shown us yet.

    1. Beowoof

      Hey for a young woman with a large boobs; she will often find men are easily entertained and thus she has a career.

  3. Bluestatelibel

    Don't stray the focus Meghan…remember your first gig is avante garde Twitterer, not political scientist.

  4. DoktorZoom

    Um. I, uh…saw Meghan McCain on Rachel Maddow's show? And I…sorta…didn't hate her?

    NO!! I'm sorry I departed from the insect-brained groupthink of our Liberal Overlords! Don't throw me under the bus!!! NOOOOOOOOOO!!!

    Look, it's not like I said I agreed with her or anything.

    1. Katydid

      <SLAP>

      Snap out of it!

      EDIT: OK, to be serious for a moment, I almost, almost, felt sorry for her when she was on Colbert because she was so out of her league….but Colbert realized it almost immediately, and dialed himself way down so as not to humiliate her.

      And then she does things like make fun of Christine O'Donnell for not having a job, or says, "I'm one of the people that still holds the office of the presidency very seriously, and I think it’s kind of trashy, I don’t know,” and I want to slap her over-privileged, out-of-touch face.

      It's that special combination of passive-aggressive same-old Republican bullshit and over-privileged why-is-she-even-in-our-faces crap that make me mock her so. Just go back to her boobtwitpic and her reaction to it. I think that says everything that needs to be said about her.

      She has no business being in the position she's in, and she's a ridiculous hypocrite, as others here have pointed out.

      But you can like her….are you with me, Doktor?

      1. DoktorZoom

        I love Wonkette. It is much better than Cats. I'm going to read it again and again!

        EDIT, after reading your EDIT: Oh, jeebus–"that special combination of passive-aggressive same-old Republican bullshit and over-privileged why-is-she-even-in-our-faces crap"– did you ever nail it!

        As I say, I don't think she's particularly wonderful; she just strikes me as Mostly Harmless…and as someone who would never in a million years be interviewed by Rachel Maddow (or anyone else) if she weren't the senator's spawn.

        Hmm…you know, fuck it–I'm just going to say that mostly I drool over Rachel Maddow's brainy snarkiness, and MM just benefited from the halo effect.

        1. Jukesgrrl

          You're ignoring the possibility that Rachel Maddow likes Meghan for the same two reasons you do. Her Daddy's only the excuse that allows her on the show.

      2. horsedreamer_1

        Ryan Secrest "kind of trashy"? & all this time, I thought American Idol was something that the plebians enjoy, which means it's something everyone should enjoy, since the voice of the 'common man', per Meg Mc Cabe's GOP, is paramount.

      1. HistoriCat

        You'll have to take her boobs from my cold, dead hands.

        I'd hit it. But I would not respect myself afterwards.

          1. HistoriCat

            "Oh, no … please don't ruin this magical moment by talking. Let us simply keep these memories hidden away like precious jewels."

            Then fake a heart attack.

    2. Lascauxcaveman

      Lighten up, Francis. I don't think anybody here hates her. It's just that she a walking, talking rich dumb blond stereotype, and she proves it every time she opens up her cute n' chubby little yap.

      And that's fun to rag on.

    3. Bluestatelibel

      You don't have to hate her, but she's no genius political scientist who deserves to have her not-so-brilliant opinions constantly broadcast. And to mock Xtine for not having a job–how much more overprivelaged can you get?

    4. Jerri

      I kind of have a love/hate thing going with Megs. She seems harmless enough, and I'd kind of love to get rip roarin' drunk with her, because it seems like she'd be a fun drunk, and I think she means well. But, I hate that anybody pays any kind of attention to anything she says, pays her to say it, and acts like anything she thinks matters in any meaningful way.

      1. GunTotingProgressive

        This is the correct answer. I award you full points, and the position of Speaker of the House.

  5. Oblios_Cap

    Oh God, were there ever two greater talentless, pandering dolts to grace their respective “careers”?

    No.

  6. PsycWench

    0 for 4 is worse than would be predicted by chance alone, which leads us to suspect: Does a Meghan McCain prediction of a win actually a form of sabotage? And how can we get her to predict more Republican wins in the future?

    1. StillGoinGreen

      I'm still trying to figure out the logic of zero for 4. The House Republicans picked up 61 seats and the Senate Repubs picked up 6 – and her Dad won again (did she not predict that?). I guess Meghan's predictin' is 95% intellectual and 10% emotional.

  7. CapeClod

    Did she just put pictures of all the candidates on the floor and then just go with the ones her toy poodle piddled on?

  8. JustPixelz

    Damn voters, screwing up Meghan's predictions. Somebody should do something about them (the voters). Sheriff Mike Bonner! Meg needs the comfort of your rapid fire skills.

  9. magic_titty

    'I'm very serious about American politics which is why I thought Sharron Angle would have made a great senator.'

    Idiot.

    1. Lost_Teabaggers

      Yes I'll second that motion, I mean fuck me sideways Sharron Angle would make a great Senator? She barely makes the grade as a human, mouthbreathing racist hypocrit that she is. Megs needs to just shut up and lift her shirt with "McCain" written in marker on her right tit thus explaining why ANYONE pays attention to her. That comment alongside her "YEAH MEG WHITMAN" bullshit just took her from "well meaning overprivileged and busty blonde dope" to just "overprivileged busty blonde dope"; it is done.

  10. DrivelLady

    Meghan's no political pundit and I am NO fan of the Republicans, but I do appreciate her pointing out that they are totally out of touch with young people and will lose them from the party if they don't wake the hell up. That's an important message for them – provided they take their heads out of their asses so they can listen. I just care that people vote and was kind of shocked at how low the turnout was from state to state on Tuesday.

    1. Lost_Teabaggers

      Fuck that shit now that the semi responsible olds in the party are pretty much dead we're getting to see how insane the middle aged boomer wingnuts are. I can only imagine their children in the next generation will just toss shit at each other during their convention as the devolution continues, I hope their "truth" dies with them, bunch of old racist, greedy, ignorant, conspiratorial, torturing, warmongering…etc. etc. twats. By the way if any of you fine libtards can help me out with some more descriptive tags to describe wingnuts that would be great. Don't be shy, it feels good, it's good for the soul.

  11. donner_froh

    She should stick with flashing her boobs and then getting pissy about how everyone talks about her boobs instead of taking her seriously as an intilleckshual.

  12. OkieDokieDog

    Listening to Miss McCain talk politics is like taking abstinence advice from Miss Palin.

    The women who fought for voting rights and birth control are rolling over in their graves.

    1. petehammer

      Feminists from the 60s: "Look at Meghan McCain and Sarah Palin! Now do you see why we want abortions?"

  13. An_Outhouse

    Oh God, is it only Thursday? I watched about one minute of that and I feel stupider already. That big bag of weed better still be there when I get home.

  14. Lascauxcaveman

    Megs doesn't need to know about politics. All she really needs to know is that wearing black has a slimming effect.

      1. kenlayisalive

        I could probably manage a Jackson Pollock thing all over her dress, but I'm not sure I have the control for vertical stripes.

  15. Mindblank

    I envy such consistency. We should all watch the woman closely to see what wildly wrong predictions she'll make in future. And also to see if she'll slip us a view of a little sumpin' sumpin'.

  16. DoktorZoom

    I'll admit that Political Discourse in America Today has pretty much reached the point where "Hey–she's not a screaming maniac!" is a pleasant surprise.

  17. BaldarTFlagass

    0-4 puts her up in the vaunted heights of that other Nostradamian conservative predictor, Mr. William Kristol.

        1. GunTotingProgressive

          Replace "BUDWEISER" with "CHEAP RED WINE" and you've described how most of my weekends conclude.

  18. fuhrius

    she's entirely likable, completely stupid and fundamentally worthless (except for providing cover for poppa cranky pants.)

  19. MoeDeLawn

    Megh: She's an idiot and a publicity whore, but that's not all her fault; nature and nurture conspired.

    Jay: Idiot and pub whore by choice. He gets unfunnier geometrically.

  20. natoslug

    Okay, finally listened to this thing all the way through. The irony of Meg McCain mocking Christine O'Donnell over getting a "real" job is just awesome.

  21. MuslinMosk

    As punishment for being so wrong, she must now take her clothes off and ride a Sybian and stream it. One minute for each incorrect prediction.

  22. Extemporanus

    As you're no doubt aware, he literally went 0-for-4 as well:

    "McCain did lose two Navy aircraft while piloting them. One crash was found to be be McCain's fault, the other due to an engine failure of undetermined cause. A third was destroyed on the deck of the carrier USS Forrestal when a missile fired accidentally from another plane hit either the plane next to McCain's or, less likely, his own aircraft, triggering a disastrous fire that killed 134 sailors and nearly killed McCain. A fourth plane was lost when he was shot down over North Vietnam on a bombing mission over Hanoi."

    And that, my friends, is how one earns oneself a frequent guest slot on "Jug Mug's Late Night Joke Jamboree".

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      We used to have to watch the film "Trial by Fire" about the USS Forrest-Fire for training when I served, seemed like every week but probably not. That was some fucked up shit, the crew was poorly trained to deal with what happened and made mistake after mistake, resulting in a lot of those deaths.

      1. Extemporanus

        My grandpa was a lifelong Navy man, and used to regale me — when I was like six or something! — with horrific stories about guys he knew who met terrible ends in incidents such as the Forrest-Fire (ha!), and Capt. Quinn's infamous USS Chumbucketapolis.

        Though I can't say that I recall him ever mentioning just how nimble and fast a fucking runner John McCain was back then…

    1. BarryOPotter

      "And those moobs just ain't gonna cut it, Billy. When we said 'tits or GTFO', we meant GTFO. (See, I told you he wouldn't get it). Billy, get your shit, Boobs McCain needs that office."

      "What? Well your daddy isn't here, now is he. Man up, BK, while you GTFO."

  23. GeorgiaBurning

    Funny you mention blackjack, she's the sort who ends up a dealer in one of those "locals" casinos in Vegas- better than average looks, not too dumb or too smart, chats nice with the old guy regulars and makes them think they'll get something next time.

  24. Limeylizzie

    In her defence, as another awesome rack owner, it is really, really hard to buy clothes that are flattering you can go all skin-tight and low-cut and you look like a filthy whore or you can try to hide them and you look as if you have no waist and are about 40lbs heavier than you actually are.Stupid little rich twat . Also.

    1. CrankyLttlCamperette

      I would have assumed that with all her monies she could at least afford a decent tailor, unlike we poors out here…

  25. ttommyunger

    Megs has a "career" like Cheney's Devil-Spawn is a "Former State Department Official". Why do these camera whores have a platform? Why would anyone care what they think about anything. Why am I asking you?

  26. Chet Kincaid

    Megs telling Christine to get a job, that is rich. By McCain tradition, if Megs is not a Naval Officer or pooping out future ones, she is a waste of space.

  27. mereoblivion

    So Richard Cohen has followed in Juan Williams' sexual-harassy footsteps? What is it with token blacks and jews at wapo?

  28. Lost_Teabaggers

    Good news everybody! America has just been saved as those super intellectual furnaces in Oklahoma realized what America was missing and thus saved us all: they banned Sha'ria law. Now I can sleep well at night knowing that Sha'ria law won't take America over anymore! Now if we can just ban the Comintern and ban widget monopolies…the world will be safe for freedumb and dimocracy.

    1. Limeylizzie

      Doesn't DustBowlBlues live in Oklahoma? We must ask her how this even got on the ballot…unless she maybe did it for fun and frolics.

    2. mumbly_joe

      As I've mentioned elsewhere, this is actually possible a problem, seeing as "evidentiary standards", "admiralty law", and "roughly half of the basis of Common Law" were actually all bright ideas that Louis IX brought back with him from the rest of the returning white, animal-skin-wearing cannibals, when they got done killing (and also eating!) the Aye-rabs over a city that figures prominently in both of their ancient ghost stories.

      Hope you like Trial by Ordeal, you Oklahoma dirt-farmers, because all that other crap was actually derived from Islamic law, it ends up.

      1. lumpenprole

        From the cavemen till the Arabs,
        Who invented you,
        They counted on their fingers and toes,
        And maybe some truckz and nutz, Bibles and guns,
        and their neighbors' toes.
        You're here,
        And nobody really knows
        What an Islamo you are.
        Why we could never have Sharia,
        Without you, Zero, my hero,
        Zero, how threatening you are.

      2. glindsey1979

        Hell, all o' them Ay-rab-ic numbers. We's gonna make us a NEW nummerin' thang. One gonna be the Rebel Flag, two gonna be a mama grizzly standin' up, three gonna be Republican Jesus… seein' as ah can't count more'n that, it should do. Yeehaw!

  29. GOPCrusher

    I did watch long enough to see those tig ol bitties bouncing across the stage, then I lost interest.

  30. Tundra Grifter

    The subject line is missing a period. It was supposed to read:

    “MEGHAN MCCAIN BREAKS DOWN. THE MID-TERM ELECTION RESULTS ON NBC’S ‘THE TONIGHT SHOW WITH JAY LENO’ TONIGHT (NOVEMBER 3).”

    Also – is it not obvious that "The Tonight Show" is on the t.v. tonight? If it were on tomorrow it would be "The Tomorrow Show."

  31. Negropolis

    Has Megs noticed, lately, that her dad's doubled-down (mmmm…double down…*drool*) on teh stupid? What McCain recently said about Babs Boxer was down-right disgraceful and vile. Man, did that presidential loss take away from him the shread of dignity he had left. What a complete and utter asshole he's become.

    What do you think about that Meghead?

  32. k8lennon

    Hilarious how horrified she is that Obama spoke with GASP Ryan Seacrest and yet I guess fine with daddykins campaigning with crazy nutbag Sharron Angle. Yeah Great American indeed, trying (thank God unsuccessfully) to push Sarah AND Sharron off on us! BUT AT LEAST HE DIDN'T TALK TO RYAN SEACREST OR ANYTHING REALLY BAD LIKE THAT…

  33. glindsey1979

    This comment has caused me to fall from my chair onto the ground and rotate whilst emitting a hearty chuckle.

  34. thefrontpage

    Why on earth is MeKeg McCan't on "The Tonight Show?" Why? She's stupid, she's un-intelligent, she's completely unschooled in government and politics, she's ignorant, she's moronic and idiotic, and she's nothing more than a stupid poseur. Really.

  35. Dimitrios_M

    The worse one can say about Leno’s audience is that they are still watching after "Jay Walking" and "The Dancing Itos," They would gladly be more involved in politics if they only knew on what telephone number to call in their votes.

  36. zhubajie

    How long before Meg M. is nude in Playboy?

    How long before Xtine O'Donnell is a regular on some TBN show, like Praise the Lord or Jack van Impe's prophecy in the news show?

  37. glindsey1979

    Jesus, is he STILL going on about Clinton? Hey, is he still doing the Dancing Itos every night? Cause that NEVER EVER GOT OLD EVER!

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