Karl Rove's Scary Stories Helped Electorate Realize Obama Is Muslim

• Every media personality and hologram agrees: Barack Obama was not reelected. He lost the election, sorry, goodbye! But who won ? The easy answer is "America," but don't be rude: give credit where credit's due! Scary Horror Stories won this election, and you could easily argue that Karl Rove's piggy bank was also a big winner. Another unsung 9/11 hero: The US Chamber of Commerce, which funneled many millions of dollars into totally factual political ads targeting Democrats as anti-business baby snatchers. And these ads worked extremely well, so congratulations to the friendly mom-and-pop apple pie corner store lobbyists at the Chamber! What is that Winston Churchill quote? "Democracy is the worst form of government, except all the others that have been tried. Ha ha, but really folks, American Democracy is the worst ." And then a V-2 rocket hit his house, or something. [ Business Week ]

• Was Barack Obama busy apologizing to everyone for losing the election yesterday? Maybe, but somehow he still found time -- maybe during his cigarette break -- to send a squadron of Flying Death Robots to Pakistan, for a routine killing spree. [ BBC ]

• There are so many bombs in the news. Just look at all these fucking bombs! [ CNN / Telegraph / MSNBC ]