ALL BLACK  3:49 pm November 3, 2010

Emo Obama Admits Defeat

by Jack Stuef

Just a phase, right?President Obama made his big post-election press conference this afternoon, and it turns out he heard about that election thing that happened last night too. He said his party received “a shellacking,” but that wasn’t merely a quoted pun from a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cartoon he had seen; the president’s tone and face were dire, and he doesn’t seem to see too much room for this whole “bipartisanship” thing. Sure, maybe the Republicans will stop hating gays for a moment and let them serve openly in the military, but that’s about it. Cap and trade? Yeah, any chance of that happening is pretty much over, the emo president mumbled. He’s probably just going to lay on the couch in his sweatpants eating arugula chips for the next couple years, because he also said he’s not going to just suddenly become a Teabagger.

Asked to reflect on the returns, he said, “I feel bad,” adding that many Democrats who went down to defeat had done so knowing they risked their careers to support his agenda of economic stimulus legislation and a landmark health care bill. He blamed himself, in part.

Cheer up, young president. Economies improve eventually. It Gets Better.

“The relationship that I’ve had with the American people is one that built slowly, peaked at this incredible high, and then during the course of the last two years, as we’ve together gone through some very difficult times, has gotten rockier and tougher,” Obama said.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, are you breaking up with America, or do you just want to express your melancholic attachment to us? It’s always hard to tell with these damn emos.

Largely absent were his smiles and buoyant demeanor, replaced by somberness and an acknowledgment that his policies may have alienated some Americans.

Did Bo die or something? It’s okay, Barry. Those Republican douches can’t take away your health care reform for the next two years, no matter how much they gossip about you on Formspring and make mean drawings of you on the bathroom stalls. [WP]

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Tommmcattt November 3, 2010 at 3:53 pm

When is the breakup sex, Barry? Hm?

Just leave the back door open now that you took back the keys.

Extemporanus November 3, 2010 at 4:08 pm

Jeez, Tommmcattt, dontcha think Barry's butthurt enough?

Tommmcattt November 3, 2010 at 5:03 pm

Oh, he has NO idea….

4TheTurnstiles November 3, 2010 at 3:54 pm

Is he the only democrat who is not being a *complete* pussy this cycle? Dem turnout was low because they spent a year hemming and hawing and fellating the GOP base instead of acting decisively. Fucking stand up and fight.

WunkRocker November 3, 2010 at 4:02 pm

This is the case. And instead of getting pissed and starting to eye gouge, now he's just gonna grease his bum crack. Which of course pisses off the rest of us who bothered to turn out yesterday. Suck some more Boehner and see if any of the left doesn't join /start their own party. Sorry Barry, you should have sucked it up and said, it was just a flesh wound. I'm damn close to losing my house and job. Screw bipartisanship.

Crank_Tango November 3, 2010 at 4:05 pm

fuck. yeah.

Troubledog November 3, 2010 at 4:22 pm

Those of us who already lost our homes and jobs (and wives and cars and credit ratings and 401Ks) feel really sorry for you.

Let me give you a hug. Bite down on this stick if it hurts too much.

Not_So_Much November 3, 2010 at 4:38 pm

Govern like those assholes do — your way or the highway and screech to high heaven if they don't play nice. Lay it all at their doorstep and stop fucking apologizing.

I need snark, and tequila….grrrr

GOPCrusher November 3, 2010 at 5:17 pm

I'm not sure they realize it yet, but it already is on their doorstep. Whether they like it or not.

Dr_Zoidberg November 3, 2010 at 3:54 pm

I would give Obama a hug, if he wanted.

JGambolputty November 3, 2010 at 4:49 pm

I love you, Zoidberg. Such a mensch!

Troubledog November 3, 2010 at 3:56 pm


Extemporanus November 3, 2010 at 4:06 pm

Your earlier sentiment was presciently trenchant.

(p.s. Check out that other tune, too, dude…)

Troubledog November 3, 2010 at 4:17 pm

And you are the fucking MAN for uploading that track. It's on repeat.

Extemporanus November 3, 2010 at 4:43 pm

Pha-real, dawg!

♪♫ Then we locked eyes, and I knew I was in there and I was gon' tear ya ass up… ♪♫


MrsBiggTime November 3, 2010 at 3:56 pm

Now Evan Bayh can pull his pants back up, having given us all that big Boenher. Dick.

sati_demise November 3, 2010 at 5:10 pm

Evan is keeping his multi million dollar campaign war chest in order to run against Obama in '12.

Bayh is a ratfucker who thinks he is right and wants all the power that is due a white man from teh south.

DustBowlBlues November 3, 2010 at 8:27 pm

I hate that fucker. What a cold, meaningless wad of shit he is. At least okie dumbfucks get excited once in a while. But seriously, after last night, if Barry doesn't get his act together quickly (and fire the people I tell him to fire) or the primary opponents are going to be drawing numbers to get in line. That's when the Democratic party implodes (what we do best) and he becomes a one time president. I remember Kennedy v. Carter, and it was ugly. Incredibly ugly. Not 1968 Chicago ugly but bad, bad, bad.

Chet Kincaid November 3, 2010 at 9:25 pm

Yes, Barry must terminate Evan Bayh with extreme prejudice. This can be a Sister Souljah moment for Barry vis-a-vis the turncoat Blue Dog cabal.

ShaveTheWhales November 4, 2010 at 1:57 am

1. I also hate that fucker. A Lot. I need to get a grip or I'll never go on to #2, what ever it is, because Evan Fucking Bayh is a fucking asshole and a a disgrace to his father, who wasn't all that great himself.


2. I never quite forgave Teddy for 1980. I mean, on average he was a Liberal Lion and all that shit, but he might just have given us Preznit Raygun four years before the Alzheimer's might have saved us.

3. What was my point? Hmm. I'm drinking tonight, instead of last night, because drinking while 19 was failing seemed wrong. What was my point? (Oh, here it is. Nevermind).

4. Zombie Evan Bayh is a zombie.

Chet Kincaid November 3, 2010 at 9:21 pm

Bayh's from Indiana, but as I posted earlier, Indy's past Big Time Klan Status makes it an honorary member of the Confederacy. That and being in the AFC South with a Tennessee Volunteers QB.

PresBeeblebrox November 3, 2010 at 3:57 pm

Fuck, the NY Times has a huge-ass photo on their main webpage of Obamar looking all frowny and butthurt…

wondering where i am November 3, 2010 at 4:48 pm

Yeah, c'mon! What's he doing with his chin? Looks really weird.

ManchuCandidate November 3, 2010 at 3:57 pm

Geez Barry. What do you expect? This is US America we're talking about here. They don't care about policy or intelligent crisis management. If you keep telling them they can't get a fat free healthy deep fried 32 oz steak with all the fixin's for 99 cents aka "Keep Your hands off of my monah, but give me more gubbiment subsidies" then they lose their shit and throw a tantrum.

PresBeeblebrox November 3, 2010 at 3:58 pm

I was thinking more along the lines of Omar from "The Wire."

DoktorZoom November 3, 2010 at 4:04 pm

Brother Mouzone for SecDef!

PresBeeblebrox November 3, 2010 at 4:12 pm

Fuck, yeah. I can see it now.

"Who the fuck are you?"

"I represent the interests of Mister Barack Obama."

"Yo! Either you a Muslim, or yo' mama laid out your clothes this mornning!"

"And who are you?"

"Shit… Bin Laden, man."

"Mister Bin Laden. I see. You should get your black ass across Charles Street right now."

Beowoof November 3, 2010 at 4:08 pm

I am old what can I say.

kenlayisalive November 3, 2010 at 4:12 pm


PresBeeblebrox November 3, 2010 at 4:16 pm

It would be far more effective.

"Mister President, Speaker Boner is here to see you."

"How do?" *BANG*

kenlayisalive November 3, 2010 at 4:27 pm

yeah dude, Republican senators throwing progressive legislation down from the Capitol windows, when all Barry is trying to do is go to the corner store for some cereal.

Oh to dream.

OCKerouac November 3, 2010 at 3:58 pm

I think we owe Barry a set of steak knives.

WunkRocker November 3, 2010 at 4:05 pm

Only if he stabs Rand Paul in the eye hole with them. And then sends him to a self-appointed eye speshulist.

Extemporanus November 3, 2010 at 4:09 pm

Dem Barry, Dem Loss?

jim89048 November 3, 2010 at 10:38 pm

A little early for lovely parting gifts, innit?

metamarcisf November 3, 2010 at 3:59 pm

The biggest news from yesterday is the ballot initiative that no one's talking about. Oklahomans voted to ban Sharia Law. This will mean big changes in the Sooner state.

savethispatient November 3, 2010 at 4:13 pm

Yes! I assume Sharia law states murder is illegal… If so, this means murder is now legal in Oklahoma! Huzzah!

bitchincamaro2 November 3, 2010 at 4:17 pm

The funnier your comments get, the more negative goes your p rating. Did I miss your major faux pas some time back? Is it catchy, 'cuz, you know…uhm… my mom's calling me….

metamarcisf November 3, 2010 at 4:20 pm

"Bitchin' Camaro" by the Dead Milkmen

bitchincamaro2 November 3, 2010 at 4:23 pm

Answer the question, damn you.

Chet Kincaid November 3, 2010 at 4:24 pm

He should just put "I troll on Breitbart sites" next to his avatar, to save threads.

DemonicRage November 3, 2010 at 5:26 pm

OMG! WTF did you do to get a minus 125 next to your name????

metamarcisf November 3, 2010 at 5:32 pm

It all started when I conflated Charles Krauthammer with Lou Gehrig

mumbly_joe November 3, 2010 at 4:32 pm

You'd think that would make things kinda difficult for them, since Islamic law's influence is kinda where that whole "evidentiary standards" thing came from. Back to trial by ordeal, I suppose.

Also, Admiralty law. Why does Oklahoma hate maritime law? Especially given the fact that it's going to be the only law governing New York in 20-30 years, if Inhofe has his way.

DustBowlBlues November 3, 2010 at 8:16 pm

Yeah, but at least House District 88 (northwest OKC) reelected the gay guy. Down here in the Dust Bowl, we gotta' take as much from that as possible. Pretty soon, you'll all me asking me how to be a liberal and survive in areas devoid of culture, literacy and, of course, intellectualism. All of you except the eastern seaboard, the west coast, England and Canada dwellers. And fuck you, toads, for having it easy.

ShaveTheWhales November 4, 2010 at 2:22 am

Easy? Do you have any idea how close some of this shit was?

After thirty years in the incomprehensibly deep blue south bay, I now live in t the red foothills of Cali. I decided to drop off my mail-in ballot at the local polling place, because I've always gotten a buzz from the voting thing.

On my way in, I passed a little old dude wearing a t-shirt with "Same Old Socialism" and a pic of, I guess, Obama wearing a Che beret. Evidently, this didn't trigger any anti-electioneering response from the polling-place volunteers — who were, I'm sure, all way older than me (63), and were quite sweet. Probably, I could have worn a t-shirt depicting Sarah Palin being drawn and quartered, and still voted, because they would have had no idea.

So the whole point of my vote is I may have neutralized this asshole.

Easy? In my state Assembly race, there was no Democratic candidate. And, yes, if nobody else will do it next time, I will. It will be an Alvin-like campaign, because I am capital-constrained, but there ought to be fucking Democrat on the fucking ballot, whether or not the fucking Democrats agree.

You know, I've been drinking. Does it show?

Come here a minute November 3, 2010 at 3:59 pm

Bill Clinton and Jimmy Carter can post 'It Gets Better' videos on their YouTube channels. Well, maybe not Carter.

JGambolputty November 3, 2010 at 4:49 pm

hahaha. Excellent.

BaldarTFlagass November 3, 2010 at 3:59 pm

Next thing you know he'll be downloading the complete Morrissey/Smiths catalog off iTunes on to his iPod.

Extemporanus November 3, 2010 at 4:16 pm

♪♫ Because if it's not love
Then it's the bomb, the bomb, the bomb, the bomb, the bomb, the bomb, the bomb that will bring us together…

savethispatient November 3, 2010 at 4:21 pm

♪♫ I am the son and the heir of a deficit that is truly tremendous ♪♫ ?

Extemporanus November 3, 2010 at 4:31 pm

♪♫ Country in a coma, I know, I know — it's serious… ♪♫

savethispatient November 3, 2010 at 4:42 pm

♪♫ Belligerent ghouls
Run tea-party schools
Spineless swines
Cemented minds

BarryOPotter November 3, 2010 at 4:48 pm

♪♫Nothing's changed
I still love you, oh I still love you
…Only slightly, only slightly less than I used to, my love

BarryOPotter November 3, 2010 at 4:50 pm

♪♫And the pain was enough to make
A shy, bald Barry reflect and plan a mass murder
Who said I lied to her?

Extemporanus November 3, 2010 at 5:16 pm

♪♫ As we lie, you say:
Will the world end in the night time?
(I really don't know)
Or will the world end in the daytime?
(I really don't know)
And is there any point ever having children?
Oh, I don't know
All I do know is we're here, and it's now…

So stretch out and wait
Stretch out and wait
There is no debate, no debate, no debate…
How can you conciously contemplate
When there's no debate, no debate?
Stretch out and wait
Stretch out and wait
Stretch out and wait

"Alright, uh…who's next? Chip Reid? Okay, Chip, go ahead…"

BarryOPotter November 3, 2010 at 5:24 pm

♪♫Belligerent ghouls run
Manchester schools
Spineless swine
Cemented minds

John leads the troops
Jealous of youth
Same old suit since 1962
He does the OrangAd two step down the nape of my neck
I wanna go Home…

"No, John, not you. It's about a different John."

widestanceroman November 3, 2010 at 5:00 pm

'I ran for this job and then I got this job and heaven knows I'm miserable now'

PublicLuxury November 3, 2010 at 4:00 pm

I want President Obama go LBJ on some of those icky people. He needs to get his attitude on. He needs to let out his black side. Scream it.

One reason for his mood disorder today… too much Halloween candy. Yep he's jonesing for a Hershey Bar and Kool

SenileAgitation November 3, 2010 at 4:35 pm

It's too bad Hopey lacks the toughness and legislative know-how of LBJ. That was one arm-twisting, get it done fellow. But it's never too late to grow some, and I'm sure once he's chain smoked a few packs he'll get to that man up thing all the Lady Bears keep calling for. And realize the GOP doesn't have a mandate, except in the sense of wishing for the feel another's mustache.

Monsieur_Grumpe November 3, 2010 at 4:00 pm

So you're saying that Obama has turned into Eor?

Badonkadonkette November 3, 2010 at 4:00 pm

A shellacking? No doubt about it, this was a very Muslim thing to say. I believe Shell refers to Shell Oil, and we know Muslims worship the Oil God, and also read Bloom County, because Berkeley Breathed is a communist, and Bill the Cat always said "ack." Shell-ack. Secret sign. QED.

V572625694 November 3, 2010 at 4:05 pm

No no, this is all about furniture refinishing. The Repubes are going to dip us all in the stripper bath, scour us with wire brushes, belt-sand us, and then, then maybe, shellac us. Or it could be a nice French polish.

Extemporanus November 3, 2010 at 4:13 pm

Barney Frank fucking called it:

"Trying to have a conversation with you would be like arguing with a dining room table."

Beanball November 3, 2010 at 4:41 pm


DoktorZoom November 3, 2010 at 4:00 pm

The fact that Barry Soetero hasn't resigned yet is proof that he Just Doesn't Get It.

savethispatient November 3, 2010 at 4:02 pm

Cheer up Big Guy! The world isn't ending! In fact, instead of coming up with glib one-liners, the Republicans will have to come up with actual nuanced policies, perhaps even vote on things.

kenlayisalive November 3, 2010 at 4:35 pm

I doubt that. I think the last two years were just a warm up to the must un-fucking-believable clown show American politics has ever seen.

Get ready, America.

johnnyzhivago November 3, 2010 at 4:03 pm

Instead of getting all mopey, he should order his robot drones to take out Fox and it's affiliates.

HistoriCat November 3, 2010 at 4:56 pm

When do those FEMA camps get set up?

DustBowlBlues November 3, 2010 at 8:32 pm

If only, (sigh).

chascates November 3, 2010 at 4:04 pm

The People made a clear statement yesterday: They can be convinced by any huckster playing to racist/nativist fears.

Go for immigration reform, Barry!

SayItWithWookies November 3, 2010 at 4:05 pm

Yes it sucks, but the Republicans are already undermining their own popularity — there's a huge difference between campaign rhetoric and what you can actually do when in power in one house. And the more time Darrell Issa and the other right-wing freaks spend investigating President Obama's birth certificate instead of trying to get important stuff done, the more they'll look like ineffective, narrow-minded adolescents two years from now.
And if our president insists on continuing to reach across the aisle, I would prefer that he do it using a red-hot poker.

Monsieur_Grumpe November 3, 2010 at 4:19 pm

I know, it's another poll but it pretty much sums up the state of mind of this wonderful country.

BarryOPotter November 3, 2010 at 7:29 pm

According to the RasOpotter poll I just conducted in my wizard mind, the House Rethuglicans will disappoint way before 2012. And on this, I am unanimous.

whiskeybaby November 3, 2010 at 5:38 pm

I'd even accept a cattle prod

WordSaladNation November 4, 2010 at 7:27 am

When Michelle Bachmann (sp?) starts to look sane, you know you're in trouble.

Lascauxcaveman November 3, 2010 at 4:06 pm

Since you're going to have some slack times to fill in the next two years, Mr. Prez, I advise that you *don't* pass the time getting under-the-desk BJ's.

Unless Michelle into that sort of thing.

BarryOPotter November 3, 2010 at 4:54 pm

Obama. Michelle Obama, Mr. President. Your wife.

Just wanted to add a little more clarification to your sage advice, Lascaux.

Bluestatelibel November 3, 2010 at 4:08 pm

Just remember the fun starts now with all the teabags and established Repubs turning on each other. They can't help it, it's their nature. Also what Obama said sounds eerily like my marriage, damn.

Gainsbourg69 November 3, 2010 at 6:42 pm

They are not going to turn on anyone and the teabaggers aren't going to hold them accountable for anything. Come 2011 the deficit will no longer matter and if the unemployment rate stays high they're going to blame it on the president and on the senate. What else do you expect from people who fall for underpants gnome logic and elect idiots who run on nothing more than slogans? The best we can hope for is a 1930's style depression so that those idiots think twice before voting against their interests.

BarryOPotter November 3, 2010 at 7:34 pm

…so that those idiots think twice before voting against their interests.

If they have to think about it more than once, well…, I mean they are idiots after all. The sad part is their vote is not about their economic interest, but their social shortcomings: they hate the black dude in the White's house. There, I said it.

DustBowlBlues November 3, 2010 at 8:07 pm

And so did my husband at the dinner table tonight.

Chet Kincaid November 3, 2010 at 9:34 pm

"We'd like to have a searching and deeply-felt Conversation About Race. So up against the wall and spread 'em so we can pat you down for the White House keys, you black son of a bitch."

Beowoof November 3, 2010 at 8:29 pm

From the news I see this process has already started with some tea bagger type demanding no compromise. I am going to enjoy this.

jodyleek November 3, 2010 at 4:10 pm

This is one of the rare times Barry should have taken some style points from the VP. I doubt Joe would have been so contrite.

Mindblank November 3, 2010 at 4:46 pm

Yes, Joe would've said that this is no big fucking deal.

bitchincamaro2 November 3, 2010 at 4:10 pm

Did he say anything about letting us go home early today to begin continue the liquid binging and purging?

OneDollarJuana November 3, 2010 at 4:47 pm

In Washington it's still a bit difficult to run to the liquor store for a bottle of Old Mouthwash because the state still has a prohibition-era stranglehold on our liquor stores.

chickensmack November 3, 2010 at 4:11 pm

FFS, we watched Bubblin' Bourbon Boehner weep drunkenly into a spittoon last night in front of people that cheered him on as he did it, doing the common slurred "You're a really good friend, America! You really made something of yourself!" speech, besotted as all get-out.

It's Barry's party, and he can cry if he wants to.

Crank_Tango November 3, 2010 at 4:11 pm

what, a powerpoint presentation won't be a substitute for an actual budget

- Help small businesses

- Make economy better

- Reagan

- Profit

anniegetyourfun November 3, 2010 at 4:36 pm

I wonder when Republicans will finally give up on Reagan? I'm figuring that anyone who is more than a couple of years younger than me doesn't remember a fucking thing about the 1980s.

Crank_Tango November 3, 2010 at 4:48 pm

Never–they still claim to be down with the Jesus, and you know who else claimed…no wait, what I meant to say is they would have waterboarded Jesus if he were alive and practicing Jesusology today.

BarryOPotter November 3, 2010 at 7:42 pm

That's why they had to replace Real Jesus with Butch Jesus(TM) – the old guy wasn't fitting their narrative. He didn't facilitate a burning hatred of others, his constant yammering about compassion was getting to be a drag, and he couldn't deep fry a turducken for shit, so, see ya, don't let the door hit ya where the Good Lord… uh, Hey everybody, look! It's Butch Jesus!

SayItWithWookies November 3, 2010 at 4:49 pm

Pah — the longer Reagan stays dead, the more popular he'll get. In ten years he'll be gilt-edged and pee diamonds.

GOPCrusher November 3, 2010 at 5:27 pm

They still claim to be the Party Of Lincoln, so we won't see it in our lifetimes.

V572625694 November 3, 2010 at 4:37 pm

And get rid of those fucken 1099s!

Beowoof November 3, 2010 at 8:35 pm

Sure then rich guys can hide their income more easily. And poof no taxes. And then there will be no way to fund those welfare queens and America is perfect again. Easy stuff here.

WarAndGee November 3, 2010 at 4:13 pm

I didn't see a teleprompter while he responded to questions of the liberuhl medias. The sadness must be for realz.

You poor dumb fucker, you're suppose to SAY you're going to fix health care's sky rocketing costs not make any strides to ACTUALLY provide a long term solution.

Republicans will show you how the health care game is played. "No More Malpractice Lawsuits." There we fixed health care. Now let's go bomb something.

Beowoof November 3, 2010 at 8:36 pm

And don't mind if the Dr cuts off your leg rather than your arm, fuck it, here is a hover round, see how easy that solution is; and cheaper too.

notreelyhelping November 3, 2010 at 4:18 pm

…then he slowly returned to his office, motioned for the door to be closed, turned up "How Soon is Now," laced his hands behind his head, sat back and put his feet up on the desk, and then slowly smiled, imagining Bachmann gunning for a leadership position.

nicnack74 November 3, 2010 at 4:41 pm

"I'm only human and I need to belooooong, just like everybody else does…"

Oh Morrisey, it was only you who truly understood me.

BarryOPotter November 3, 2010 at 4:59 pm

Well done.

kenlayisalive November 3, 2010 at 4:18 pm

But why do I get the sense Urkel could put this guy away?

Glad to see though that Barry is announcing he will be looking to compromise! Yes, compromise! You haven't tried THAT yet, have you, Barry. You were such a hard ass with them, weren't you, Barry. What with your groveling and kowtowing and letting them bring rifles to your rallies. Yes, maybe a little COMPROMISE will make them like you.

Just how deep does that the Big Orange Boehner have to be in Barry's butt before he realizes he's getting fucked? That's the big question we will be asking ourselves through 2012.

bringmeanaxe November 3, 2010 at 4:19 pm

The House will begin impeachment proceedings in 3,2,1…

OneDollarJuana November 3, 2010 at 4:50 pm
bringmeanaxe November 3, 2010 at 5:31 pm

Darrell Issa bankrolled the 2003 recall of Gray Davis in California. We all know how well that turned out. I don't trust the SOB.

BarryOPotter November 3, 2010 at 7:48 pm

Yeah, fuck trying to actually solve any of the many, many, MANY problems he was elected to deal with, this guy just wants to use political office as some sort of artificial dick extender. Useless prick, thy name is D-bag Issa.

DustBowlBlues November 3, 2010 at 8:06 pm

When he says he plans on investigating what happened in the Gulf (yeah, that's fucking hard to figure out. Duh) is he hinting that Clinton's lawyers better fire up the laptop again? Once he can issue those pieces of paper, he's king and they're bound to try to impeach Clinton again.

Steverino247 November 3, 2010 at 4:19 pm

Obama needs to understand that far more people hate black Presidents than are willing to admit it aloud. We (as a group) just aren't that tolerant in this country. He needs to give up that need to be liked by everyone and to be friends with everyone. This ain't Kindergarten, dude. Go make a plan to fix this shit and smack these bitches until they get it done. Go on TV and name some fucking names.

In short, be a strong leader, not a cat herder.

BarryOPotter November 3, 2010 at 8:03 pm

I agree with your suggested leadership style under these circs. At best, he can earn the opposition's respect by treating them like the vile pieces of shit they are, viz, displaying strong, decisive leadership during difficult times. He needs to stop appeasing the Rethugs or trying to gain their acceptance – he's not fucking integrating a southern school in the 1950s, he's President of the US of A. The only way he's going to be able to call them out on their bullshit by name is first to not give a fuck about them. Until he's reached that point, he's going to remain adrift, i.e., concerned about their feelings. Psh. And not caring about their feelings does not mean he can't work with them, but it does put them on notice that he's not taking their bullshit lying down.

DCHatesMe November 3, 2010 at 4:21 pm

At times like this, the President usually goes abroad to do something importanty. Look we blew it .. now I have a meeting with Sarkozy. Peaceout.

magic_titty November 3, 2010 at 4:21 pm

Blue as Your Blood by The Walkmen is a good song for Barry today. We can listen to it together, brotha.

imissopus November 3, 2010 at 4:42 pm

A Walkmen fan on Wonkette! I knew there was a reason I liked this site.

nicnack74 November 3, 2010 at 4:21 pm

Hey everyone has to look contrite after getting their ass kicked. Give the man some time. He still has lame duck session, and time to get fat from Thanksgiving and Christmas before he has to get into the hardcore hell of politiking. I predict (maybe I'm naive) that he will release is inner asshole and veto EVERYTHING. Let's see what he does.

WordSaladNation November 3, 2010 at 4:26 pm

I'm sure that the Republicans will issue a press release saying that Obama's adultery (on America) should be punishable, by stoning, like in Jeebus' time.

blogslut November 3, 2010 at 4:26 pm

"It Gets Better."


PublicLuxury November 3, 2010 at 4:30 pm

Fuckin' Issa is ordering pens by the gross. He is soooooo busy writing out investigations and subpoenas. There go all the goddamn trees. He had an entire list of shit to investigate when he gets back. Did you see that smile on his face. He looked like he had gotten laid, won the lottery and was acquitted… such happiness to spend the time and money fighting nonexistent bullshit. Poor Barry. His ass is gonna be real sore after the redumbfucks get done gang raping him.

Good times. oooo Godd times.

V572625694 November 3, 2010 at 4:39 pm

He's probably left 10 messages on Ken Starr's answering machine.

GOPCrusher November 3, 2010 at 5:31 pm

Ironic. Considering that Issa was one of the ones that claimed at the beginning of the Obama Administration that the American public would not tolerate endless investigations into the Bushyt/Cheney war crimes.

DustBowlBlues November 3, 2010 at 8:37 pm

Are the Dems looking back wistfully at their lost chance to do just a couple of little investigations, which would have made their "base" happy. Woulda' made me happy. The House could've multi-tasked and done shit at the same time.

CapnFatback November 3, 2010 at 4:32 pm

Emo Obama: "I cut taxes to feel better."

anniegetyourfun November 3, 2010 at 4:34 pm

Small government! Small businesses good…. blah blah blah… fuck, are they still listening? Uh… fags are bad or something!

OneDollarJuana November 3, 2010 at 4:43 pm

Yah, if they actually deliver on their promises, then what will they run on next time? How bad things have turned out because they delivered on their promises?

HistoriCat November 3, 2010 at 4:58 pm

Laugh if you will but I'm waiting for someone to run on a "why would you actually believe the things I promised?" platform next time.

BarryOPotter November 3, 2010 at 7:32 pm

Why should next time be any different from this time, or the time before this time, or the time before the time before this time, or – oh you see what I'm getting at.

DustBowlBlues November 3, 2010 at 8:31 pm

There is one problem: raising the debt limit. Dixie Jew dismissed it last night with the glib phrase, "we have 3 or 4 months before we have to deal with that." In the meantime, they're going to focus on small business and jobs.

I assume that means it's all fixed by then? More likely, that's code for "We'll have the Teabaggers in line by the time we raise the debt limit to accommodate our tax cuts for millionaires."

hagajim November 3, 2010 at 4:34 pm

Seems like about the only thing the GOP can do is run investigations – is that why we need tort reform?

metamarcisf November 3, 2010 at 4:51 pm

Republican'ts oppose reform because "tort" is short for "tortilla", if you know what I mean.

Progressiveinga November 3, 2010 at 4:41 pm

No Player Hater. We just have no appreciation for the Audacity of Eeyore.

gurukalehuru November 3, 2010 at 4:42 pm

If you don't drive a stake through the vampire's heart, they will come back.
If you don't throw fucking lowlife scumbug evil war criminal Republicans in jail, they will come back.

I did tell you this.

Ducksworthy November 3, 2010 at 5:19 pm

And they will not appreciate your not throwing them in jail because they'll live their lives in fear that somebody will and it will be your fault for making them feel bad.

JoshuaNorton November 3, 2010 at 4:44 pm

It's a bit ironical that Barry spent the last 2 years wanting to work with the Repugs (usually to the detriment of his own base). Now he can do just that. Be careful what you wish for, Dude.

Jukesgrrl November 3, 2010 at 4:45 pm

I can't wait to see how he'll be acquiescing to the Republicans now. Obama, the France of Democrats.

Ducksworthy November 3, 2010 at 5:22 pm

From what I have recently witnessed, the Democrats are the France of Democrats.

LetUsBray November 4, 2010 at 12:43 am

If by "recently" you mean since 1978, then I agree.

Mindblank November 3, 2010 at 4:51 pm

Wo/man* up, Barry. You go to bat with the Congress you have, not the Congress you might want.

*Bite me, I'm a liberal.

gurukalehuru November 3, 2010 at 4:52 pm

You know, I've been walking around all day feeling pissed off and depressed and then I was reading about Barry's phone call to John Boehner and, frightening as the thought of speaker Oompah Loompah might be, I suddenly realized the one bright spark, the silver lining in all this.
No more Nancy Pelosi. The woman who wouldn't impeach, the botoxed old bat, that worthless, worthless, wrinkled old lady is now just the Democratic congresswoman from San Francisco and has precisely zero importance or influence. We don't have to defend her worthless ass any more and we'll seldom even see her face.
That is, indeed, something to be happy about.

Beanball November 3, 2010 at 5:09 pm

Well, we agree – almost simultaneously. I posted first but I see your word count is higher than mine, so I'm gonna call it a draw. But some fukker gave you a thumbs down and I'm now showing a neutral "o".

Verrry interesstink.

deanbooth November 3, 2010 at 6:28 pm

Your comment reminds me of a scene from All Quiet on the Western Front: After a fellow soldier is killed, the survivors sit around and criticize him… "He was a loudmouth, he smelled… We won't miss him at all."

ShaveTheWhales November 4, 2010 at 3:01 am

Well, don't take this the wrong way, because I generally like your comments, but fuck you.

Pelosi declined to waste the House's time on investigations that would have led, at most. to an acquittal in the Senate (do you really think they could have turned up ANYTHING that would have persuaded eight Republican Senators to vote Guilty?)

Even if the new House majority winds up the impeachment clown-doll, I have to ask the quintessentially liberal/parental question: Just because somebody else does stupid shit, does that mean you should do the same? That is a nice recipe for translating American politics into DWTS.

Oh, and if the Repos do go for the impeachment route, whoopee. The government will be paralyzed for a few years. Probably, that will be a bad thing. Why would it have been a good thing if the Democrats did it?

Beanball November 3, 2010 at 4:54 pm

I submit that there is some good news: Nancy Impeachment is Off the Table Pelosi is out of a jerb. After the Republicans fuck with Barry for the next two years and make repeated attempts to eradicate Social Security, et al, the pendulum will swing once again, and the Dems will be back with a stronger majority than before.

Barry will be re-elected. Reid will be replaced. Feingold will get his old seat back and instantly become Majority Leader. UFOs will land on the National Mall and immediately begin distributing unicorns to all comers.

proflazlohollyfeld November 3, 2010 at 5:09 pm

Comers. Fap.

GOPCrusher November 3, 2010 at 5:34 pm

Maybe in February, when the impeachment hearings begin, Nancy Pelosi will finally realize where she fucked up.

BarryOPotter November 3, 2010 at 5:12 pm

Prolly not. He's rich, too. But the 'progressives' will have a hissy:

Dude! First, we gave you, like, mad-crazy support to get you elected, then when we found out you don't fart rainbows and your tears won't cure cancer, I'll admit, we were a bit taken aback. Maybe we misread you. Our bad. Then, when you couldn't undo 8 years worth of socio-economic carnage within a year, we seriously started to doubt ourselves, which was not a groovy feeling. Did we not read your aura correctly? Whoa, I'd hate to think that. But to show we still love you, we let the Rethuglicans take control of the House, 'cause we couldn't be bothered to vote. That's some of that 'tough love' those douchebag hippies-turned-yuppies taught us. Now, you went and lost control of the House, Barry! How could you let this happen? And now you're just gonna go along with their bogus rich guy tax cuts? Bro, you've changed. To which Barry should reply: *clears throat* "Fuck you."

Radiotherapy November 3, 2010 at 5:55 pm

Believe me, I hope this is where Hopey makes his stand — it would be an act of incredible Presidential proportions. He certainly would win over my Progressive libtard heart. I'm just the sad messenger/prognosticator here, but everybody is fisting me down.
A sadz on top of a sadz.

BarryOPotter November 3, 2010 at 7:52 pm

I up fisted you. You like that, huh? Yeah, you like that, don't you, yeah…. So turn one of those sadz upside down, which I guess would look something like this: O

DustBowlBlues November 3, 2010 at 8:20 pm

I still think he should fire Geitner and Summers.

anniegetyourfun November 3, 2010 at 5:27 pm

Word. There is no try.

VinnyThePooh November 3, 2010 at 5:38 pm

It'll be fun around Christmas, when the Tightie Righties and Indie Pals realize that the Job Fairy isn't real. Isn't this the time we're supposed to stock up on gunz and ammo?

DashboardBuddha November 3, 2010 at 5:44 pm

I can't post as much as I used to since my employer tightened up computer use rules…and when I get home I'm often to tired and/or depressed to do much of anything, but I will say this…

We're fucked.

deanbooth November 3, 2010 at 6:03 pm

It's the Emonomy, stupid. We need to purge the emo from dEMOcrat and kick some RepubliCANS!

american__mutt November 3, 2010 at 6:06 pm

Sigh. I'm still your friend Barry.

DustBowlBlues November 3, 2010 at 6:20 pm

It's really quite frustrating. I'm expressing my feelings in Obama-speak.

Actually, Things are totally fucked so go do something, goddamit! As much as I don't enjoy Ed S, he's right–you look like you just don't want the job. Just fucking quit and let Biden kick some ass so he and Hilary can take over in 2012, okay? I mean, fucking, fuck, fuck.

HOFAH November 3, 2010 at 6:21 pm

Ya'll don't feel too bad for Barry. He still gets to sleep with Michelle Obama every night.

You'd have to be dead not have that cheer you up.

Just sayin'.

Steverino247 November 3, 2010 at 9:03 pm

This is true, but knowing that doesn't really help me much now, does it?

real_dc_native November 3, 2010 at 6:46 pm

OMG – he's a darker Jimmy Carter. We are doomed.

kenlayisalive November 3, 2010 at 7:19 pm

And I love that all the articles today are:

"Republicans promise to sharpen the attack"

and then:

"Obama intent on working together with new congress"


marinmaven November 3, 2010 at 7:34 pm

I get it. You can only take the endless pics of you with a bone through your nose or a Hitler mustache underneath it. There are the endless lies and you get blamed for the mess you stepped up to fix. You thought you could create this one big purple state though finesse and compromise. You invited them for beers. They gave you the finger and appealed to fear 24/7 for the last 2 years. They are ungrateful that you gave them a chance to redeem their sorry asses for their reverse Midas touch of the economy and foreign policy. They are greedheads from Hell, Mr. President who are manipulating a lot of scared, uneducated, white people.

I am still proud of you. You are my articulate, calm, smart President. I will always remember the glee of election night and best. inauguration. ever. I don't agree with you all the time, but you are a good President. Get out there and kick some ass. They will never like you. They will only see you as a Black Panther communist muslin. I completely understand if you decided you had enough, but I kinda like how your Presidency makes certain people squirm even though I do not understand why.

CUNextTuesday November 3, 2010 at 7:43 pm

You totally rock for saying this. Hear, here!

DustBowlBlues November 3, 2010 at 8:10 pm

I agree with the wonkeratti above me but want three things that are conventional logic among Dems: Fire Geitner. Fire Summers. Open up that tiny group of people you take advice from because, let's face it, that whole bunch sucks. They all deserve to be fired but at the very least, start listening to someone else–and to your own instincts.

Cicada November 4, 2010 at 12:37 am

Summers announced that he was stepping down in September. Just pointing that out, no animosity.

Steverino247 November 3, 2010 at 9:11 pm

Very well said. I'd like to get back some of that feeling I had when it was announced he'd won the Presidency. Had the kids and grandkids over to watch it happen. I remember when we stepped on the Moon and Obama's winning felt just that good. I thought maybe we had a chance to get past the racist bullshit that's hamstrung this country since the Articles of Confederation.

And then he started to talk about reaching across the aisle to the people who wish they still owned people like him and his family. Noble gesture, Mr. President, but by now you should realize that Sherman's boys could only kill so many of them.

emmelemm November 3, 2010 at 9:26 pm

I totally agree.

Beowoof November 3, 2010 at 8:27 pm

These dumb bastards will have republican lobbyists writing legislation and they just walk around repeating obtuse talking points.

BarackMyWorld November 3, 2010 at 8:37 pm

Evan Bayh is an assclown, making the "only 22% of the country says they're liberal, therefore everyone else must agree with the conservatives on every major issue" argument, in the N.Y. Times today…….

imissopus November 3, 2010 at 9:23 pm

Someone should mention to Bayh that only 20% or so consider themselves conservative and consensus is built in the 60% that makes up the mushy middle. I'm not even going to click on that link, I'm just going to assume that fuckstick ignored that little fact.

BarackMyWorld November 3, 2010 at 9:35 pm

He claims 32% is conservative, which to him seems to mean they should get whatever they want even if their ideas are discredited.

kenlayisalive November 4, 2010 at 2:54 am

He is the exact kind of fuck that says "don't listen to the polls" because the polls say people don't like it when you listen to the polls.

Fucking twisted logic asshole. And quitter. Probably voted for Mike fucking Pence.

Chet Kincaid November 3, 2010 at 9:47 pm

Bayh Logic: If, for example, 15% of the country can't stand having a black man in charge, and 40% are unhappy with the divisive tone of racial animosity in the country, that is a clear majority for a constitutional amendment banning negroes from ever being President again.

kenlayisalive November 4, 2010 at 2:52 am

What's that Mark Twain quote, "there are lie, damn lies, and statistics"?

Fuck Evan Bayh. There is no man more unsuited for politics. He was a major player and just up and fucking quit. Fuck him twice. If ever there was a personification of the weakness, the nepotism, and the straight up whinny bitchiness of the Democratic party it's that fucking loser.

BarackMyWorld November 3, 2010 at 8:43 pm
JackObin November 3, 2010 at 8:55 pm

What kind of an agenda is Get the Colored guy out of office? Actually, I think John Boner is darker than Obama. Has anyone checked his birf certificate?

imissopus November 3, 2010 at 9:20 pm

I'm not getting all the Pelosi hate here. She did exactly what she was supposed to do in her position, at least for the last two years: help the president get an assload of legislation through the House. Thanks to her Obama got more sweeping bills through in two years than most presidents have pushed through in four. And she did it while holding together a caucus with a fair number of conservatives opposed to their own president's agenda in it. I read today there are 300 bills the House has sent to the Senate during her tenure that the Senate never got around to voting on. Think about that: 300 bills. Even if many of them are small bullshit items, that's a fuck of a lot of work. Hell, we were joking today that one of the things Boner didn't like about her was that she often kept the House working into the night instead of breaking in time for him to make it to happy hour.

As for impeachment, aren't all of us pissed that the Repukes are already firing up the subpoena machine, which will suck all the air out of the room and insure that the House doesn't get much of anything else done for the next two years? I'd have been as happy as anyone to see Cheney wheeled into Congress while wearing handcuffs, and certainly the crimes of the Bush admin were a million times worse than anything the Obama WH will be investigated for. But Pelosi and Obama pursued a legislative agenda instead. I didn't always agree with what they pursued or passed, but they did squeeze a hell of a lot of juice out of the lemon. She was certainly more effective leading her chamber than Reid was leading his.

el_donaldo November 4, 2010 at 12:14 am

Nancy Smash!!!

Seriously. If people were rational, and even taking political and philosophical differences into account, Pelosi would be viewed as an incredibly effective politician who was unflagging in her attention to the constituency that put Democrats into power, that is, the American people, and one of the most skilled and productive speakers in the history of the House given her short tenure.

Sure, there are political differences, but I honestly don't get the animus.

DoktorZoom November 4, 2010 at 3:03 am

I think it may have something to do with her being a woman. With power. In America.

Negropolis November 4, 2010 at 10:53 pm

It's really all about that. Notice that whenever the GOP used here, it was in conjunction with Obama (black), Barney Frank (gay), and Harry Reid (D-Vampire, NV) Honestly, it was always some kind of liberal trifecta for them, representing all that was wrong with America. Notice that Dems didn't give a shit about Denny Hastert or Bill Frist as some kind of boogeymen.

ShaveTheWhales November 4, 2010 at 3:16 am

Yah. I don't understand why so many Wonkers seem to be down on Pelosi. There was exactly zero chance of getting an impeachment conviction on any Bushie, so she chose to not paralyze the legislature and instead made some stuff happen.

The Guiness-Book-of-Records level of obstruction by Republicans in the Senate did seriously restrict her impact (420 blocked bills), but what does that tell you about the likely success of a Bill of Impeachment?

Seriously, I'm losing faith in some of my co-Wonkers. Pelosi is far more liberal than Reid, and significantly more liberal than Obama. What the fuck do you want from her (except a sex change)?

Beanball November 4, 2010 at 5:01 am

Obama got the ass-kicking he deserved and I'm down on Pelosi because I'm down on the whole fucking crew in DC.

She's an effective politician? Where the fuck was she for the 8 years of Bush/Cheney and every single war budget vote, for starters. And those 300 pieces of legislation? A bunch of crap with no teeth and no effect. Fuck her. Fuck Reid, and fuck Obama.

But, hey, pay no attention to me; here, let Matthew Rothschild, a real progressive, lay it out for you, since you all seem to have memories like sieves:

And while you're getting all hissy and shit cause I'm dissin' The Man, chew on this. I spent a YEAR AND A HALF of my blood sweat and yes tears raising money for the DNC, and got an earful from Democrats from all over the country, including, probably, you. Believe me when I tell you I'm not the only one pissed off.

Chet Kincaid November 4, 2010 at 8:50 am

I see (and feel) both sides. But progressive anger seems to me to be leading to a "let it ride" mentality of ideological purity that will enable the wingnuts to drive us off a cliff instead of just into a ditch. Maybe that is what progressives want, since a fucking apocalypse is the only thing that will get a majority of people active on our side. But I don't know if I want to live through that.

I don't want third party candidates, I don't want demoralized voters to sit out elections, I want our politicians to cowboy the fuck up and play politics with the assholes on the other side. There are no good sportsmanship awards in this fucking thing. We need to take the baseball bat from Palladino and put it to good use.

Beanball November 4, 2010 at 11:22 pm

Back in 2006, just before the Democrat landslide that took back the House, John Conyers and 100 other congresscresscritters had signed a pledge to impeach Bush/Cheney. Nancy Pelosi's VERY FIRST ACT as Speaker of the House was to announce "impeachment is off the table." They were also supposed to defund the wars, and Guantanamo. Instead, they walked back every pledge and continued to vote war funding, as well an an increased defense budget, not to mention a miserable piece of shit credit card "reform" bill, shepherded by that corporate whore & word weasel Joe Biden. Hah.

This isn't about parties. This is about a purchased-outright government. And I for one have not been sitting on my hands, but I am here to tell you that voting for this guy or that woman is not the answer. You can figure out the rest.

el_donaldo November 3, 2010 at 10:55 pm

shut your mouth (I'm talking about Shaft) we can dig it

My_pal_HAL November 3, 2010 at 10:59 pm

But really, that EMO for OBAMA poster is the best fuckin' poster ever. Pure Wonkette genius.

el_donaldo November 4, 2010 at 12:08 am

a shellacking?!? but that's how Boehner gets his inimitable tan!

Negropolis November 4, 2010 at 7:23 am

Time for March to the Sea 2.0, and it doesn't even have to follow it's original course for all I care. I'd like him to carve out a path through the Industrial Midwest, here.

The Teapocalypse is no upon us. Now, let's just hope those bastards are raptured by Saint Ronnie in 2012.

axmxz November 4, 2010 at 1:35 pm

I hope that all of Obama's compromising and the pleading with Republicans before was Obama's way of trying not to seem tyrannical and Bushy. Now that his party is at a disadvantage, he can push back a lot more.

Mort_Sinclair November 4, 2010 at 8:41 pm

I love that image. That's a keeper.

oldgrowthswamp November 7, 2010 at 8:47 am


BarryOPotter November 3, 2010 at 4:38 pm

And look, his p is all red and inflamed. Man, that doesn't look kosher. He better let a doctor check that out. Do you think it stings when he comments?

GOPCrusher November 3, 2010 at 5:19 pm

Probably has one of those inflatable comment donuts.

twogoats November 3, 2010 at 5:36 pm

using "conFLATED" with this crowd is an act of courage or stupidity. or both

bitchincamaro2 November 3, 2010 at 5:40 pm

So cripple comedy is verboten, but scooter-people are fair game? I've only been here 3 years and I am still learning valuable shit. Thank you.

deanbooth November 3, 2010 at 6:08 pm

Homer: "I'm the luckiest man alive… now that Lou Gehrig is dead." And we'd all be lucky if Krauthammer died.

Rotundo_ November 3, 2010 at 6:31 pm

We all would have been better if you had inflated Charles Krauthammer with 125 PSI at about 500 CFM. Then there would be little Chucky Rancidcabbage bits all over, and an opportunity for the wapo editorial board to find a fresh new voice in conservative toadyism. (Sighs heavily, smiles at the thought of 'sploded Chuckles and marvels at the stupidity of Amurka)

ShaveTheWhales November 4, 2010 at 2:37 am

You have astutely parsed this spew.

They will increase the debt limit, because at least a few of them remember how badly the last "government shutdown" worked out for them.

And their interim focus on small business and jobs will work out to " bladabladabladabla…"

It's remotely possible that the corporate employers — who have been holding off on hiring until the "environment" (the US legislature) becomes "more clear" (tax policy that favors corporations) — will resume hiring, but they would have to do that in advance of legislation. On spec. Even if I were a conspiracy theorist, I'd have trouble believing in such a disciplined conspiracy.

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