LIMITLESS VESSEL  2:26 pm November 3, 2010

Senate Candidates Who Received Fewer Votes Than Alvin Greene Yesterday

by Jack Stuef

Presented without commentary, here are some of the Senate candidates who received fewer votes than Alvin Greene did yesterday, according to the most current AP numbers:

Senator Harry Reid: 361,655
Senator-elect Mike Lee: 360,050
Alvin Greene: 358,069
Sharron Angle: 320,996
Senator Mike Crapo: 318,468
Senator-elect Joe Manchin: 281,661
Senator Blanche Lincoln: 280,167
Senator John Thune: 227,903
Senator Daniel Inouye: 276,867
Senator-elect Kelly Ayotte: 265,967
Senator-elect John Hoeven: 181,409
Senator-elect Chris Coons: 173,900
Senator Patrick Leahy: 145,486
Senator Lisa Murkowski (Total Write-In): 81,876
Joe Miller: 68,288

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SharifDelMonte November 3, 2010 at 2:42 pm

That settles it: Alvin Greene for new chairman of DNC!

iburl November 3, 2010 at 2:44 pm

Greene Party 2012! Wanna see a football picture?

Negropolis November 4, 2010 at 6:18 am

Milk-through-the-nose funny, man.

"Wanna see a football picture" eh? I'm going to have to remember that one.

multiplesarcasms November 3, 2010 at 2:44 pm

i live here in South Carolina, and surprisingly enough Alvin Greene got a large amount of votes, considering. see my blog for details!

SexySmurf November 3, 2010 at 2:45 pm

For one last time; when I say Alvin, you say Greene.


CZL November 3, 2010 at 2:52 pm


Shit, I'm new at this. Can we try again?

SexySmurf November 3, 2010 at 2:54 pm


CapnFatback November 3, 2010 at 2:58 pm


elviouslyqueer November 3, 2010 at 3:00 pm


BaldarTFlagass November 3, 2010 at 3:39 pm

Fuck off, Dave! I know you're going to fuck me out of my royalties anyway.

transfatz November 3, 2010 at 7:06 pm


SayItWithWookies November 3, 2010 at 2:46 pm

And Greene's campaign appearances were limited to a couple of phone calls and waving at the camera from the state fair once. If only he knew witchcraft he could've given DeMint a real run for his money.

HistoriCat November 3, 2010 at 4:15 pm

Hell, if he'd been white he probably would have made the race competitive.

JGambolputty November 3, 2010 at 5:38 pm

While I don't begrudge anyone for living with their parents (partly because I still do. Job, please!) he could have at least rented a cabin or shack of some sort. Not saying I wanted Alvin Greene elected for anything other than the laugh factor, but he did even less than the slackiest of slackers. Yet still got more than 20 votes. Incredible.

Negropolis November 4, 2010 at 6:20 am

I'd have voted for him. Demint, when he smiles, looks something less than human, and I'm no specicist, but

Bluestatelibel November 3, 2010 at 2:46 pm

You think Alvin Greene has lost? I tell you he has not lost at all; rather he has illuminated the way for every libtard who wakes up one morning and out of the blue decides to run for U.S. Senate.

HistoriCat November 3, 2010 at 4:17 pm

For any race! Next time I'm going to find a race with no Democrat in it (for example,this year – the Representative for my district or Texas Controller) and find a way to get on the ballot, then sit back and do nothing.

GOPCrusher November 3, 2010 at 5:55 pm

The South Carolina Democratic Party has been changed forever!

DrunkenPalmetto November 3, 2010 at 2:47 pm

My state everyone…my state!

Zvi_Bleindmeis November 3, 2010 at 4:58 pm

A few years back, driving into SC, I saw a billboard at the state line that shocked the chitlins out of me. It read something like, "Welcome to South Carolina. #1 in violence against women, #50 in funding for substance abuse treatment and women's shelters."

I should have been shocked about the statistics, I guess, but I was more surprised that someone in SC would dare put up a sign like that.

DrunkenPalmetto November 3, 2010 at 5:00 pm

#1 in a bunch of diseases also.

Fare la Volpe November 3, 2010 at 7:55 pm

You can't cure stupid.

MissTaken November 3, 2010 at 10:40 pm

There's no such thing as bad press

Come here a minute November 3, 2010 at 2:49 pm

Alvin Greene was an acceptable substitute for a yellow dog in South Carolina.

Lazy Media November 3, 2010 at 3:40 pm

That's racist!

Come here a minute November 3, 2010 at 3:57 pm

Yes, I did talk about him like a dog, but it was yellow.

Negropolis November 4, 2010 at 6:22 am

Damn, you beat me to it. I was just, oh, fourteen hours too late.

metamarcisf November 3, 2010 at 2:52 pm

You left out Christine. Did she get more or less votes?

elviouslyqueer November 3, 2010 at 2:56 pm

Delaware is still counting her votes, since Xtine forgot to let go of the lever.

TakingAmes November 3, 2010 at 3:37 pm

But she was NOT masturbating. I swear.

OCKerouac November 3, 2010 at 4:08 pm

She just really REALLY likes horseback riding…

PresBeeblebrox November 3, 2010 at 4:55 pm

Xtine got 123,025 votes last nite.

JMPEsq November 3, 2010 at 2:55 pm

Seeing those numbers, and comparing them to the vote totals in the millions from states like California, makes me once again so happy that we have a legislative chamber based on an equal voice for specific arbitrary geographic regions of varying size, rather than population.

harry_palmer November 3, 2010 at 3:02 pm

It'll come in handy when we re-institute slavery, which just got a lot more traction.

x111e7thst November 3, 2010 at 3:03 pm

Didn't some FuckTard once say that FuckTards deserve representation too? Having Senators from places like SC assures that this is so.

V572625694 November 3, 2010 at 5:10 pm

Senator Roman Hruska of Nebraska said that Supreme Court nominee Clement Haynesworth's mediocrity should be no bar to his appointment. "Even if he were mediocre, there are a lot of mediocre judges and people and lawyers. They are entitled to a little representation, aren't they, and a little chance? We can't have all Brandeises, Frankfurters and Cardozos."

In other words: too many Jews.

ShaveTheWhales November 3, 2010 at 10:39 pm

Ah, you touch on one of my favorite THIS IS FUCKING STUPID points, which I will now gracefully ignore.

el_donaldo November 3, 2010 at 3:10 pm

Got to give the man some respect. I mean can anyone honestly say that South Carolina is better off having DeMint in the Senate than Greene? Honestly? I thought not.

johnnyzhivago November 3, 2010 at 3:29 pm

The way it should work is the TOP half of ALL vote getters ALL win – and then go into a pool where they find out what state they're randomly assigned to.

OCKerouac November 3, 2010 at 4:09 pm

How does the Coaches Poll factor in? Is there a National Championship game?

HistoriCat November 3, 2010 at 4:20 pm

National Playoff is more likely to happen in politics than in football.

Monsieur_Grumpe November 3, 2010 at 3:40 pm

Never before has a candidate received so many votes by doing so little. Greene is a minimalist genius.

CapnFatback November 3, 2010 at 4:40 pm

I dunno. Mel Carnahan beat Ashcroft while just laying around under six feet of earth.

BaldarTFlagass November 3, 2010 at 3:42 pm

Actually, everyone thought they were voting for Alvin Lee. Lots of Ten Years After fans down SC way.

metamarcisf November 3, 2010 at 4:01 pm

Too bad Alvin Greene is "Goin' Home" to live with his dad again.

BaldarTFlagass November 4, 2010 at 8:06 am

Especially since he really would have loved to change the world.

Crank_Tango November 3, 2010 at 3:53 pm

Well, this is great news for McCain.

HistoriCat November 3, 2010 at 4:13 pm

Weird third party candidate don't count.

Negropolis November 4, 2010 at 6:17 am

It's funny 'cause it's (sadly) true.

I remember Rachel Maddow going up to Scott McAdams campaign headquarters a week or so before the election. She went into his warroom to talk to some folks about how Democrats win in Alaska, and some guy way down the table said something to the extent if there is a three-way race or some Republican literally gets convicted of a crime.

PresBeeblebrox November 3, 2010 at 5:18 pm

A monk came to Master Alvin and asked, "Master, please teach me."

The Master replied, "Consider the man who was chosen, but not elected."

At that moment the monk was enlightened.

tcaalaw November 3, 2010 at 7:29 pm

I'm tempted to create more IntenseDebate profiles just so I can vote you more thumbs up for that one!

JustPixelz November 3, 2010 at 5:56 pm

Says more about DeMint's appeal than anything else.

emmelemm November 3, 2010 at 6:50 pm

I enjoy that this list was presented without commentary, because really, it needs no commentary. Some things speak for themselves.

So, yeah, some fucktard from Alaska (undetermined fucktard, at this point) gets to rub elbows with 99 other people (I use the term loosely) who control this country based on "yay" votes of less than 100,000 people.

MissTaken November 3, 2010 at 10:46 pm

And they get to filibuster meaningful legislation as often as the other 99 "people". Yea Senate!

ShaveTheWhales November 3, 2010 at 10:52 pm

You know, I came to realize (when I got my vote-by-mail ballot) that there was no Democratic candidate for Assembly in my new home district in Red California.

I do not have the financial means to mount a serious campaign, but I believe I will contact the state party about a campaign in accord with the Way. I'll throw away a year of retirement just so there is a fucking entry under "Democratic" on the 2012 ballot.

BTW, I'll be a terrible candidate. I have limited people skills; I think I'm smarter than most others because I am; and I'm a terribly obvious liar.

OTOH, I have a lot of free time these days, and I've had enough shit hit me that a little more won't matter that much.

Gorillionaire November 4, 2010 at 12:24 am

Do it. People have run for office with less honorable intentions, and today many of those people are taking bubble baths with hookers and telling us what to do with our penises.

BarryOPotter November 4, 2010 at 9:07 am

Vote SaveTheWhales for What-the-fuck-ever!

inedal November 4, 2010 at 9:14 am

some states are more equal than others

Lazy Media November 3, 2010 at 3:40 pm


CapnFatback November 3, 2010 at 3:56 pm

If only we could temporarily combine our accounts and avatars for the "doo doo doo" part. That, my friends, would be comment-posting performance art at its finest.

CapnFatback November 3, 2010 at 10:11 pm

Plus, we'd be "Sexy CapnQueer," which gives me an idea for next Halloween . . .

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