limitless vessel

Senate Candidates Who Received Fewer Votes Than Alvin Greene Yesterday

Presented without commentary, here are some of the Senate candidates who received fewer votes than Alvin Greene did yesterday, according to the most current AP numbers:

Senator Harry Reid: 361,655
Senator-elect Mike Lee: 360,050
Alvin Greene: 358,069
Sharron Angle: 320,996
Senator Mike Crapo: 318,468
Senator-elect Joe Manchin: 281,661
Senator Blanche Lincoln: 280,167
Senator John Thune: 227,903
Senator Daniel Inouye: 276,867
Senator-elect Kelly Ayotte: 265,967
Senator-elect John Hoeven: 181,409
Senator-elect Chris Coons: 173,900
Senator Patrick Leahy: 145,486
Senator Lisa Murkowski (Total Write-In): 81,876
Joe Miller: 68,288

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Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

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Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • SharifDelMonte

    That settles it: Alvin Greene for new chairman of DNC!

  • iburl

    Greene Party 2012! Wanna see a football picture?

    • Negropolis

      Milk-through-the-nose funny, man.

      "Wanna see a football picture" eh? I'm going to have to remember that one.

  • http://multiplesarcasms.wordpress.com/ multiplesarcasms

    i live here in South Carolina, and surprisingly enough Alvin Greene got a large amount of votes, considering. see my blog for details!

  • SexySmurf

    For one last time; when I say Alvin, you say Greene.

    Alvin!

    • CZL

      Weirdo!

      Shit, I'm new at this. Can we try again?

      • SexySmurf

        Alvin!

        • CapnFatback

          Simon!

          • elviouslyqueer

            Theodore!

          • Lazy Media

            Roosevelt!

          • CapnFatback

            If only we could temporarily combine our accounts and avatars for the "doo doo doo" part. That, my friends, would be comment-posting performance art at its finest.

          • CapnFatback

            Plus, we'd be "Sexy CapnQueer," which gives me an idea for next Halloween . . .

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Fuck off, Dave! I know you're going to fuck me out of my royalties anyway.

    • transfatz

      Brains!!!

  • SayItWithWookies

    And Greene's campaign appearances were limited to a couple of phone calls and waving at the camera from the state fair once. If only he knew witchcraft he could've given DeMint a real run for his money.

    • HistoriCat

      Hell, if he'd been white he probably would have made the race competitive.

      • JGambolputty

        While I don't begrudge anyone for living with their parents (partly because I still do. Job, please!) he could have at least rented a cabin or shack of some sort. Not saying I wanted Alvin Greene elected for anything other than the laugh factor, but he did even less than the slackiest of slackers. Yet still got more than 20 votes. Incredible.

        • Negropolis

          I'd have voted for him. Demint, when he smiles, looks something less than human, and I'm no specicist, but

  • Bluestatelibel

    You think Alvin Greene has lost? I tell you he has not lost at all; rather he has illuminated the way for every libtard who wakes up one morning and out of the blue decides to run for U.S. Senate.

    • HistoriCat

      For any race! Next time I'm going to find a race with no Democrat in it (for example,this year – the Representative for my district or Texas Controller) and find a way to get on the ballot, then sit back and do nothing.

    • GOPCrusher

      The South Carolina Democratic Party has been changed forever!

  • DrunkenPalmetto

    My state everyone…my state!

    • http://wonkette.com Zvi_Bleindmeis

      A few years back, driving into SC, I saw a billboard at the state line that shocked the chitlins out of me. It read something like, "Welcome to South Carolina. #1 in violence against women, #50 in funding for substance abuse treatment and women's shelters."

      I should have been shocked about the statistics, I guess, but I was more surprised that someone in SC would dare put up a sign like that.

      • DrunkenPalmetto

        #1 in a bunch of diseases also.

        • Fare la Volpe

          You can't cure stupid.

      • MissTaken

        There's no such thing as bad press

  • Come here a minute

    Alvin Greene was an acceptable substitute for a yellow dog in South Carolina.

    • Lazy Media

      That's racist!

      • Come here a minute

        Yes, I did talk about him like a dog, but it was yellow.

      • Negropolis

        Damn, you beat me to it. I was just, oh, fourteen hours too late.

  • metamarcisf

    You left out Christine. Did she get more or less votes?

    • elviouslyqueer

      Delaware is still counting her votes, since Xtine forgot to let go of the lever.

      • TakingAmes

        But she was NOT masturbating. I swear.

        • http://themysterydance.blogspot.com/ OCKerouac

          She just really REALLY likes horseback riding…

    • PresBeeblebrox

      Xtine got 123,025 votes last nite.

  • JMPEsq

    Seeing those numbers, and comparing them to the vote totals in the millions from states like California, makes me once again so happy that we have a legislative chamber based on an equal voice for specific arbitrary geographic regions of varying size, rather than population.

    • http://littlewanking.blogspot.com/ harry_palmer

      It'll come in handy when we re-institute slavery, which just got a lot more traction.

    • x111e7thst

      Didn't some FuckTard once say that FuckTards deserve representation too? Having Senators from places like SC assures that this is so.

      • V572625694

        Senator Roman Hruska of Nebraska said that Supreme Court nominee Clement Haynesworth's mediocrity should be no bar to his appointment. "Even if he were mediocre, there are a lot of mediocre judges and people and lawyers. They are entitled to a little representation, aren't they, and a little chance? We can't have all Brandeises, Frankfurters and Cardozos."

        In other words: too many Jews.

    • ShaveTheWhales

      Ah, you touch on one of my favorite THIS IS FUCKING STUPID points, which I will now gracefully ignore.

  • el_donaldo

    Got to give the man some respect. I mean can anyone honestly say that South Carolina is better off having DeMint in the Senate than Greene? Honestly? I thought not.

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    The way it should work is the TOP half of ALL vote getters ALL win – and then go into a pool where they find out what state they're randomly assigned to.

    • http://themysterydance.blogspot.com/ OCKerouac

      How does the Coaches Poll factor in? Is there a National Championship game?

      • HistoriCat

        National Playoff is more likely to happen in politics than in football.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Never before has a candidate received so many votes by doing so little. Greene is a minimalist genius.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Actually, everyone thought they were voting for Alvin Lee. Lots of Ten Years After fans down SC way.

    • metamarcisf

      Too bad Alvin Greene is "Goin' Home" to live with his dad again.

      • BaldarTFlagass

        Especially since he really would have loved to change the world.

  • Crank_Tango

    Well, this is great news for McCain.

  • HistoriCat

    Weird third party candidate don't count.

    • Negropolis

      It's funny 'cause it's (sadly) true.

      I remember Rachel Maddow going up to Scott McAdams campaign headquarters a week or so before the election. She went into his warroom to talk to some folks about how Democrats win in Alaska, and some guy way down the table said something to the extent if there is a three-way race or some Republican literally gets convicted of a crime.

  • PresBeeblebrox

    A monk came to Master Alvin and asked, "Master, please teach me."

    The Master replied, "Consider the man who was chosen, but not elected."

    At that moment the monk was enlightened.

    • tcaalaw

      I'm tempted to create more IntenseDebate profiles just so I can vote you more thumbs up for that one!

  • JustPixelz

    Says more about DeMint's appeal than anything else.

  • emmelemm

    I enjoy that this list was presented without commentary, because really, it needs no commentary. Some things speak for themselves.

    So, yeah, some fucktard from Alaska (undetermined fucktard, at this point) gets to rub elbows with 99 other people (I use the term loosely) who control this country based on "yay" votes of less than 100,000 people.

    • MissTaken

      And they get to filibuster meaningful legislation as often as the other 99 "people". Yea Senate!

  • ShaveTheWhales

    You know, I came to realize (when I got my vote-by-mail ballot) that there was no Democratic candidate for Assembly in my new home district in Red California.

    I do not have the financial means to mount a serious campaign, but I believe I will contact the state party about a campaign in accord with the Way. I'll throw away a year of retirement just so there is a fucking entry under "Democratic" on the 2012 ballot.

    BTW, I'll be a terrible candidate. I have limited people skills; I think I'm smarter than most others because I am; and I'm a terribly obvious liar.

    OTOH, I have a lot of free time these days, and I've had enough shit hit me that a little more won't matter that much.

    • Gorillionaire

      Do it. People have run for office with less honorable intentions, and today many of those people are taking bubble baths with hookers and telling us what to do with our penises.

  • BarryOPotter

    Vote SaveTheWhales for What-the-fuck-ever!

  • inedal

    some states are more equal than others