With polls closed in the bankrupt republic of California, ABC 7 in Los Angeles is bravely sticking to Dancing With the Stars. Everything about tonight is fantastic. But what about the “Year of the Billionaire Woman,” that thing we had in 2010? Did Meg Whitman manage to buy a very expensive thing almost nobody else on Earth actually wanted? Did Carly Fiorina use her dumb meanness to defeat not-that-popular Senator Barbara Boxer? When will the Chinese show up and take whatever’s worth money and ship it to Asia, to recycle? UPDATE: Brown and Boxer defeat the Year of the Womens.
Now, as is the custom, we shall switch to “local time.” And do not miss the Wonkette Midterm Liveblog Chapter V.
8:12 PM — With less than 1% reporting, Jerry Brown is killing Meg Whitman, Carly Fiorina is beating Barbara Boxer by 4%, and the free dope proposition is losing by a couple of points.
8:13 PM — Some sleazy doctor or lawyer or somebody has a commercial about … the Obama health care? The California Endowment? Why did we expect the guy to give us an 800 number and promise a big settlement? (In Spanish?)
8:14 PM — Well shit, the LAT just called it for Jerry Brown. Meg Whitman has a negative rating, would not do business with again.
8:23 PM — 49%-46% Jerry v. Meg with 2% reporting, but the exit polls are giving it to Brown by double digits.
8:24 PM — Kids, let this be a lesson: Don’t spend $141 million of your fortune unless you actually have a chance at winning. What, you don’t have $141 million to spend on a campaign? Well then, this conversation is finished.
8:26 PM — The Los Angeles Times calls it for Barbara Boxer. By tomorrow morning, your Media Professionals will be saying that Jerry and Babs were going to win all along, foregone conclusion, etc.
8:27 PM — And expect the loss of the Marijuana Proposition to somehow be wrapped up in a “GOP resurgence” narrative, despite polls showing Democrats clearly didn’t get behind the doper law.
8:37 PM — We are taking a break from this liveblog to read the national live blog, so as to be Informed, for America.
8:40 PM — KTLA reporter Jim Nash, live at Carly’s HQ in Irvine, is whispering because he doesn’t want the Fiorina crowd to realize the race has been called for Boxer. We are betting the Fiorina crowd has access to at least one Blackberry.
8:49 PM — My former boss (and former Los Angeles mayor) Dick Riordan is on KTLA, kvetching about Barack Obama not being a good “father of our country.” Riordan also predicts another two years of economic horror for America. He is probably right about this, if it’s not much, much worse.
8:51 PM — So there’s a show on the CBS affiliate with fat people having a war to see if one of them can lose weight? Is this the new Dancing With the Stars?
8:52 PM — Dang it is just a promo, what is this show called? Did Michelle Obama make this show, to shame America? Sorry, it’s actually on NBC? We have to go back to the election, we cannot deal with this.
8:54 PM — Oh good gravy, this Dancing Stars thing is fucking terrible. It is taking a break for an Election Update. Haha Bristol Palin is going to LOSE tonight, is this the election update? Did we mention how everything is Fantastic?
9:02 PM (12:02 AM Eastern) — We’re being upgraded to the front page for this next thrilling bunch of liveblogging. God help us all. (Especially Bristol.)
9:04 PM — We are pretty sure Bristol Palin just got sentenced to death, on this awkward dancing program. Is she wearing a blonde fright wig? NO, she is here. With one of the Los Angeles Lakers from way back, for some reason. The pretty guy, Rick something?
9:07 PM — Not really sure if we’re enjoying Riordan’s jabbering less than Bristol Palin popping out of her sausage casing.
9:09 PM — Barbara Boxer has yet to emerge from her Hollywood Hotel Suite. One time in this vampire detective series a decade or so back, the Barbara Boxer character was a vampire! She got staked, we think.
9:11 PM — The old weirdo at Fiorina’s headquarters “have a diminished level of enthusiasm,” as Carly lost.
9:11 PM — It’s now official, again, with AP adding to the pileup: GOP will take the House, Democrats keep the Senate, Barack Obama is the anti-christ.
9:13 PM — The delightful Loretta Sanchez may lose her House seat to the wingnut Van Tran, part of Orange County’s very rabid far-right-wing Vietnamese community.
9:16 PM — Meanwhile, in NEVADA, what an incredibly lopsided night for the Reid Dynasty: Harry Reid over Sharron Angle, 51-44, and Republican Brian Sandoval over Rory Reid for governor, 52-43.
9:20 PM — On the non-dope proposition front, the attempt to destroy California’s climate change/renewable law has failed, hooray. AB32 was not struck down by the Industrialist Running Dog Pigs.
9:24 PM — The Los Angeles Times is so terrible that it’s using an AP ballot initiative feed that only has two of California’s propositions on it. #failtards
9:27 PM — Loretta Sanchez has about a hundred vote lead. Clinton even campaigned for her, right? Gah, what will Washington’s press corps do without Loretta’s dumb Christmas cards with her cat?
9:30 PM — Fiorina’s up to 48% to Boxer’s 47%, gah? (Still only 17% of precincts reporting.)