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Liveblogging Part VI: Californication … Jerry Brown Is Governor Again

Well sure he *used* to be cool ....With polls closed in the bankrupt republic of California, ABC 7 in Los Angeles is bravely sticking to Dancing With the Stars. Everything about tonight is fantastic. But what about the “Year of the Billionaire Woman,” that thing we had in 2010? Did Meg Whitman manage to buy a very expensive thing almost nobody else on Earth actually wanted? Did Carly Fiorina use her dumb meanness to defeat not-that-popular Senator Barbara Boxer? When will the Chinese show up and take whatever’s worth money and ship it to Asia, to recycle? UPDATE: Brown and Boxer defeat the Year of the Womens.

Now, as is the custom, we shall switch to “local time.” And do not miss the Wonkette Midterm Liveblog Chapter V.

8:12 PM — With less than 1% reporting, Jerry Brown is killing Meg Whitman, Carly Fiorina is beating Barbara Boxer by 4%, and the free dope proposition is losing by a couple of points.
8:13 PM — Some sleazy doctor or lawyer or somebody has a commercial about … the Obama health care? The California Endowment? Why did we expect the guy to give us an 800 number and promise a big settlement? (In Spanish?)
8:14 PM — Well shit, the LAT just called it for Jerry Brown. Meg Whitman has a negative rating, would not do business with again.
8:23 PM — 49%-46% Jerry v. Meg with 2% reporting, but the exit polls are giving it to Brown by double digits.
8:24 PM — Kids, let this be a lesson: Don’t spend $141 million of your fortune unless you actually have a chance at winning. What, you don’t have $141 million to spend on a campaign? Well then, this conversation is finished.
8:26 PM — The Los Angeles Times calls it for Barbara Boxer. By tomorrow morning, your Media Professionals will be saying that Jerry and Babs were going to win all along, foregone conclusion, etc.
8:27 PM — And expect the loss of the Marijuana Proposition to somehow be wrapped up in a “GOP resurgence” narrative, despite polls showing Democrats clearly didn’t get behind the doper law.
8:37 PM — We are taking a break from this liveblog to read the national live blog, so as to be Informed, for America.
8:40 PM — KTLA reporter Jim Nash, live at Carly’s HQ in Irvine, is whispering because he doesn’t want the Fiorina crowd to realize the race has been called for Boxer. We are betting the Fiorina crowd has access to at least one Blackberry.
8:49 PM — My former boss (and former Los Angeles mayor) Dick Riordan is on KTLA, kvetching about Barack Obama not being a good “father of our country.” Riordan also predicts another two years of economic horror for America. He is probably right about this, if it’s not much, much worse.
8:51 PM — So there’s a show on the CBS affiliate with fat people having a war to see if one of them can lose weight? Is this the new Dancing With the Stars?
8:52 PM — Dang it is just a promo, what is this show called? Did Michelle Obama make this show, to shame America? Sorry, it’s actually on NBC? We have to go back to the election, we cannot deal with this.
8:54 PM — Oh good gravy, this Dancing Stars thing is fucking terrible. It is taking a break for an Election Update. Haha Bristol Palin is going to LOSE tonight, is this the election update? Did we mention how everything is Fantastic?
9:02 PM (12:02 AM Eastern) — We’re being upgraded to the front page for this next thrilling bunch of liveblogging. God help us all. (Especially Bristol.)
9:04 PM — We are pretty sure Bristol Palin just got sentenced to death, on this awkward dancing program. Is she wearing a blonde fright wig? NO, she is here. With one of the Los Angeles Lakers from way back, for some reason. The pretty guy, Rick something?
9:07 PM — Not really sure if we’re enjoying Riordan’s jabbering less than Bristol Palin popping out of her sausage casing.
9:09 PM — Barbara Boxer has yet to emerge from her Hollywood Hotel Suite. One time in this vampire detective series a decade or so back, the Barbara Boxer character was a vampire! She got staked, we think.
9:11 PM — The old weirdo at Fiorina’s headquarters “have a diminished level of enthusiasm,” as Carly lost.
9:11 PM — It’s now official, again, with AP adding to the pileup: GOP will take the House, Democrats keep the Senate, Barack Obama is the anti-christ.
9:13 PM — The delightful Loretta Sanchez may lose her House seat to the wingnut Van Tran, part of Orange County’s very rabid far-right-wing Vietnamese community.
9:16 PM — Meanwhile, in NEVADA, what an incredibly lopsided night for the Reid Dynasty: Harry Reid over Sharron Angle, 51-44, and Republican Brian Sandoval over Rory Reid for governor, 52-43.
9:20 PM — On the non-dope proposition front, the attempt to destroy California’s climate change/renewable law has failed, hooray. AB32 was not struck down by the Industrialist Running Dog Pigs.
9:24 PM — The Los Angeles Times is so terrible that it’s using an AP ballot initiative feed that only has two of California’s propositions on it. #failtards
9:27 PM — Loretta Sanchez has about a hundred vote lead. Clinton even campaigned for her, right? Gah, what will Washington’s press corps do without Loretta’s dumb Christmas cards with her cat?
9:30 PM — Fiorina’s up to 48% to Boxer’s 47%, gah? (Still only 17% of precincts reporting.)

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About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne

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147 comments

  1. Krugmanic Depressive

    After Fiorina pulled a Tsongas (that is, going into the hospital for cancer-related care, but "it's not a relapse!") a week ago, it was in the bag for Boxer.

    1. OCKerouac

      In all fairness, I think when she laid off 30,000 Californians and took a $45 million payday for her troubles it was over for Fiorina, but hey, she got to spend a ton of cash for the right to insult Babs' hairdo. That's… Something?

  2. harry_palmer

    Looks like Boner and the gang will be able to steal everything that isn't nailed down while the teabaggers provide some cover, till it's the "centrist" Dems turn again. We are so fucked.

    1. ifthethunderdontgetya

      A few plutocrats convinced a good percentage of the fucktard population of this country to show up for midterm elections and shovel the last few loads of dirt over our democracy.

      Prediction: Corporate media loves it, demands that Obama cut taxes and Social Security and bomb Iran.

      And George Carlin is right again.
      ~

  3. Steverino247

    As I said five weeks ago…

    I predict the Jerry will beat the living shit out of Meg. He will shove his agenda up her ass and drop talking points until the cameras go click on her sad face.

    Nobody fucks with the Jerry!

    1. Crank_Tango

      I know at least one very pro-weed person who was anti prop 19 because she thought it meant that pot was going to become industrialized. oh well, time to get my recommendation renewed.

      1. imissopus

        Yeah, I've heard that argument. Makes no sense, and in any case it's way past time to start consigning the War on Drugs to the dustbin of history, maybe clear some of the nonviolent offenders out of our overcrowded prisons. Sigh.

      2. ChuckieJesus

        Seriously, fuck any asshole who ever toked who voted against it. I hope they get the same kind of cops coming to their neighborhood and shooting their dogs and fucking grannies as the rest of the United States. Fucking asshats.

    2. nachoproblem

      Well, it won't be this year. We're too long suffering the residual effects of all the olds being taught Reefer Madness, so it will at least be until they die off, probably and then some.

      And there's still the Nine Overpaid Lobbyists in Gowns Supreme Court to contend with.

    3. mrpuma2u

      this is a major bummer dude. If this would have passed, it could have spelled the beginning of the end of the useless and lost war on drugs. Have you ever checked out leap.com??

  4. el_donaldo

    Please please legalize the pot, Californians. I may live on the other coast, but do you have any idea how long I've been waiting for somewhere in the U.S. to do it?

  5. SayItWithWookies

    The insufferable John Boehner is about to give a speech — I'm sure a gracious, sincere and sensible one. When this idiot has power, you know who the real loser is? Math.

  6. SayItWithWookies

    Boehner: It's clear tonight who the winners really are — the American people. People like Exxon, BP, WestVaCo, Westinghouse, Boeing, Halliburton…

    1. Dashboard_Jesus

      NAILED IT! pretty much word for word what I just posted on FB, except I called him the 'Orange Boner', cuz he is orange, and he's a , well, you get it right? yep, the 'grassroots' 'baggers and their multimillionaire investors, er, donors, have spoken (with HUGE $$$ thanks to the SCOTUS whores) and we've ALL been teabagged tonite…I haz a sad :(

  7. SayItWithWookies

    Oh fuck — he's crying — about how he's tried to get rich all his life. I swear this is actually happening. Please tell me I hid my acid in my beer and forgot about it.

    1. Sparky_McGruff

      He's drunk again. Somebody give the man a cup of coffee and call a taxi.

      In the next session, house business will wrap up with plenty of time to get to happy hour.

      1. chicken_thief

        Always hard to tell the snark level in such a comment, but I thought the guy looked hammered, too. Seriously. Also.

        1. Sparky_McGruff

          No snark. He's like everyone's drunk uncle at Thanksgiving Dinner who spends an hour before dinner bitching about the world, then after dinner goes around sobbing and telling everyone "I love you, man!".

          Joe Scarborough was on a kick for a while talking about how the "buzz on the hill" was that the House was disorganized because Boehner doesn't work very hard… He knocks off work at 3 to head for the bar. Add to that the orange complexion (borderline cirrhosis + chain smoking), and I think it's kind of obvious. Listen to Boehner carefully when he does something controversial ("Hell no you can't!" as an example) and he always sounds hammered. One of the reasons he really hated Pelosi was that she wouldn't let him smoke in the Speaker's lobby, and she often ran business into the late evening.

          My prediction for House business this term:
          – There will be lots of smoking breaks (and the speaker's lobby will be sticky thick with nicotine), and
          – The house will adjourn by 3:30 so Boehner can get 2 for 1 well drinks and a $2 cheese fries at happy hour.
          – There will be lots of drunk weeping and bizzare drunken rants from the Speaker's chair.

  8. SayItWithWookies

    He put his core values out there and ran for office. In other words, he was such a failure at business, the only way he could think of to get rich would be to go into politics and suck lobbyist dick for money. It's an inspiring story.

    1. Dashboard_Jesus

      it's the 'Merkan way, pull yerself up by yer bootstraps to suck on the teat of the federal govt., it's a real rags to riches story…hell, now I"M crying…

  9. TX_Bluebonnets

    I just threw up in my mouth a little bit. John Boehner's crying on NBC. Seems he had to work his way up…and the memory of it still brings tears to his eyes. At one point, he hunched over in emotion pain…where's that barfbag, afterall?

    Keep crying like that, Johnboy. Ask Ed Muskie how well that worked out. You think teabaggers want to see that emotional stuff? Not from a man…

    1. Kitty_Sanchez

      Oh, for god's sake. That drunken phony. I thought he might've actually stayed sober tonight so he could speak in front of the camera. I should've known better.

    2. nachoproblem

      He's just doing the Glenn Beck 3-Step Program

      1) Recognize that you have a problem. (I want moar stuff.)
      2) Identify a power beyond your control that is to blame for everything. (brown people, the media, Hitler)
      3) Cry.

  10. SayItWithWookies

    And immediately after Boehner finishes his tearful narrative about how important it is to devote one's life to serving the rich, my local abc affiliate goes off the air. Out of shame, I can only hope.

  11. LetUsBray

    So did Dick Rioradan then go and address another group of hunger strikers while eating a cheeseburger?

  12. natoslug

    Oooookay. Fuck having the south/midwest/southwest/deep south/chicken nuggets secede — it's time for California to give up and leave the union. I don't care that we're broke, I don't care that we still don't have legal weed (okay, I care about both of these things, but mostly the latter), I think we could do better. We're smart enough, we're pretty enough, and damn it, the rest of you states can suck our collective dick. In other words, fuck you, tea party shitwipes, I hate your orange boehner and your inability to remember the republicans had 8 years to fuck our country.

    1. PresBeeblebrox

      It does look like we're back to the Jesusland/United States of Canada map, doesn't it? The U.S. of Canada will have to have a couple of enclaves located in Colorado and New Mexico, though. And we'll have to work out that Queen-or-President thing.

      1. ChuckieJesus

        I live deep in the United States of Canada, but I'm seriously still pissed. I'm too brown to be a non-suspicious type, I love the ganj, but I also have managed to keep a job all through this fucking repression/recession/gingivitis of the economy, whatever the fuck. I support my husband, who's supposed to have more privilege than me due to coming from whiteys, but he came from the wrong kind of whiteys, and dammit, I just want one less reason to be afraid of the cops kicking down my door, shooting my cat, and taking what will undoubtedly be the angriest mugshot you'd ever see in your life.

        Yeah, I'm still pissed about Prop 8, Prop 19… California broke my fucking heart for the last time.

        Now, when I grow up, I wanna go to Vancouver. Fuck this noise.

      1. nachoproblem

        Why can't we sell the OC and IE to Texas? We need the money, and we should've done it years ago. You can't fix ANYTHING in this state on account of them.

        1. Bonzos_Bed_Time

          I do like their beaches, but am ready to let them go. Highest bidder takes all. Prop 25 is passing, so maybe we'll get a budget. Still can't raise taxes due to effing Prop 13.

    2. Kitty_Sanchez

      It's cool. Picture this: by November 2016, President-elect Franken will be preparing to oversee a vigorous progressive agenda, Rand Paul and Ron Johnson will have proven themselves to be ineffectual losers and they'll be turning over their Senate seats to sensible, traditional Democrats, and California will be leading the nation in the production of high-quality, modestly-priced weed.

      There's gotta be a way to make this happen.

  13. SayItWithWookies

    No, they're back — I think Boehner just ripped a hole in the self-knowledge continuum that was so powerful it sucked all the electrons in its immediate vicinity into oblivion.

      1. SayItWithWookies

        No, it's a long-standing scientific fact. It's in Einstein's theory of something-or-other. Okay, it took me a few minutes, but it should be real.

        1. NorthStarSpanx

          I learnt a new word yesterday from that racist NPR, Emotional Incontinence – it doesn't explain the paradox of a Sarah Palin and a John Boehner in the conservative world.

          Michelle Bachmann and Sarah are gonna go after him strong for his
          leadership post since he cries all the time.

          The only time Sarah cries is when she isn't given the stage when she loses the White House for the Party's candidate. Michelle? This is what it sound like, when doves cry.

    1. Dashboard_Jesus

      Feingold is one of the finest, smartest, most decent and courageous US Senators in my lifetime, hell I'm from Indiana so I claimed him for my own! (oh, and FUCK Evan Bayh!)

  14. indecencycmdr

    feingold is quoting bob dylan "i have nothing but affection for those who sailed with me." just like rand paul "it's onto 2012" !?!?!?!?

    1. DustBowlBlues

      I'm sorry you're having suck a bag night. Not like here the Dust Bowl, where we're used to shitheads representing our governor year, after year, after decade.

      1. Kitty_Sanchez

        Indeed. I feel you. Here in Texas, we just re-elected Rick "Yew-Libruls-Best-Watchit-er-We'll-Secede" Perry.

        1. nachoproblem

          Well that makes me feel a bit guilty for hoping he would do it and maybe take our Teafucks with him. I feel for you, I really do.

          Oh and seriously, we will sell you Orange Country and Inland Empire, which I'm sure he would just looooove. I could probably even throw in a great big pile of hair for him to play with. Just sign right here, please.

          1. Kitty_Sanchez

            Thanks. How 'bout a trade? Austin's the capital, but it doesn't really fit with the rest of Texas.

          2. HistoriCat

            Oh hell no – you sit your fanny down right now. Austin is going nowhere. Without Austin, Houston becomes the biggest bastion of liberalism in Texas … and that is just too fucked up to deal with. I NEED Austin to give me hope for Texas.

            I read Bill White's email this morning; he said that Rick Perry is not the enemy. I think he's wrong on that one.

    2. natoslug

      Ron Johnson? He ran using his porn star name and won? I guess I have a chance in 2012 as Rusty Balls then.

    1. nachoproblem

      No kidding. At least this time we don't have to pay her millions of dollars to go away.

      (As a former stockholder not employee, but whatever. Bitch robbed us all.)

    1. V572625694

      It was awesome. Cuomo must be sure to listen to the 25 percent who voted for Paladino, or he'll hit him with a red bat. Seems fair.

      1. DustBowlBlues

        I heard MSNBC was going to show the rest of his speech, and went into the home theater to watch. Yes, a baseball bat. You better listen to us now! We have a bat! And it's orange.

  15. mirrorballdc

    Jerry Brown winning makes me feel old. I I think I was in 3rd or 4th grade last time he was governor. Guess I should break out the bell bottoms.

    1. V572625694

      Never forget that Jerry used to fuck Linda Ronstadt when she was thin and hot. Imagine her singing to you while you fuck her: "You're no good, you're no good, you're no good, baby you're no good."

    2. nachoproblem

      Likewise. But I think this time around it's probably too much to hope for a Star Wars movie that doesn't suck.

      You're only young once…

    1. DustBowlBlues

      I thought they'd called it for Boxer. This is a cruel media trick, like when I came racing in the house from the 2000 church dinner saying they just called Florida for Gore. Oh, sick, sick fucking deja vu all over again.

    2. PresBeeblebrox

      Look at the returns… the lefty/pot counties aren't reporting in yet. Too stoned to get to the courthouse and start counting.

  16. comrad_darkness

    Everything is great! Our new crazy overlords who actually know zero about any topic related to public policy will save us all!

  17. Bezoar

    This sadly feels like so many previous elections that I'm now really seriously thinking that it's not only morally defensible but morally incumbent to turn feral, join a corporation, and feast upon the lifeblood of stoopid amerika.

    1. HistoriCat

      Meh – you probably don't have the necessary levels of blood-lust and megalomania. All you might do is work hard, stomp on your co-workers and then come in second for a high-salary position which will actually go to some idiot relative of the boss.

  18. SudsMcKenzie

    I was wondering when Wolf was going to break, …. apparently its now, he can't stop saying "Pennsylvania" .

  19. SheriffRoscoe

    How's Senator Milky MacMilquetoast doing against the crazy teabagger lady who threatened to take him out with second amendment remedies if the voters wouldn't do it with some nice, soft, non-lethal ballots?

  20. comrad_darkness

    Boehner has the same annoying pedantic delivery that got Gore deep sixed.

    The "i'm a dickhead" thank you very much delivery.

    Overpromise baby. Overpromise.

  21. BarackMyWorld

    Ugh…

    MSNBC is trying to spin this against the Tea Party so bad…the narrative being that the Tea Party kept the Rep. from capturing the Senate, and constantly referring back to Paladino and O'Donnell as examples of how they can't win statewide races, while ignoring Rand Paul and Rubio's victories. Face it, there are some parts of the country where the Tea Party is popular, and some parts of the country where it is unpopular.

    This is why I don't like biased journalism, whether it is MSNBC or FOX because they're willing to overlook any facts that don't support their thesis and give an incomplete, misleading picture of reality.

    1. glamourdammerung

      Not counting Paul and Rubio, I am not aware of any teabagger winning a general election yet. They really do not have a very impressive win ratio for this alleged "tidal wave".

      1. DustBowlBlues

        Rubio dumped them they were dog shit once he'd taken out Crist. And the day after the primary, Rand Paul was sucking standard Republic dick faster than a teabagger can call that company promising to sucker a free scooter out of the socialized medicine part of the government to haul their fat, lazy asses round Walmart and Beck's Miracle Rallies. (That Mormon freak has trademark the name, you know.)

        And what is it with consertive men and crying?

        1. Negropolis

          Funny, on MSNBC's panel, Rachel Maddow said that John is known for his crying and that he'd cry at the opening of a supermarket. That got Lawrence O'Donnell pissed, and Christ Matthews was sticking up for Boehner, and Eugene Robinson was waxing poetic about the "views of the mall" from the Speaker's office and how that would make anyone get choked up.

      2. BarackMyWorld

        Florida, Kentucky, SC, and Wisconsin seemed to be pro-Tea Party, while Nevada, NY, and Delaware were the opposite. There IS evidence the Tea Party can win a statewide race.

        Ignoring counter-evidence without even TRYING to explain it away is Hannity-level intellectual dishonesty, in my opinion.

    2. chicken_thief

      Not to defend MSNBC, but I kinda sorta agree – poor Harry would have been toast against a sane person. Coons was sucking hind tit behind Castle – actually so far behind that he wasn't even getting a tit, before Christine waddled in the way, and Bennett barely nipped Buck the misogynist, to name a few. I think (not that I am anyone to quote) that the Teatards cost the Repubs the Senate. Thank god.

    1. MissTaken

      If he was single again he'd probably be dating Lady Gaga or that Justin Beiber girl. For the children.

  22. DustBowlBlues

    The Republithugs to the Teabaggers tomorrow:

    You cost us two senate seats that we'd had in our back pocket for years. Fuck you. The End. Now get your asses out of here and take those ridiculous fucking scooters and your embarrassing clothes with you.

    PS Kiss your Medicare good bye, suckers.

    1. LetUsBray

      I understand the polar bears really do like people, and in fact think we're delicious. So I think I know how what happens after the cameras are off.

    2. SecretMuslin

      that commercial made me well up like John Boehner. I should drink less on a work night – it makes me weepy.

  23. PresBeeblebrox

    Apparently the voters have decided that Rhode Island is just cold staying The State of Rhode Island and Providence Plantations for now. This is, somehow, a Victory for America's Small Businesses and/or a bellwether for Sarah Palin's 2012 plans.

    1. savethispatient

      Well of course, an outdated official state name is your equivalent of having the Queen as your Head of State. It's historical and it doesn't do any harm.

    1. Krugmanic Depressive

      This is really amazing, if it holds at anything like this. The 20 point swing between him and Rory tells you just how much Angle's nuttiness hurt her. A better GOPer in NV, and one in DE, peel off Lieberman and Nelson and this could have been the worst….

      1. PresBeeblebrox

        If O'Donnell had not beaten Mike Castle, they would have had a sure win. As for NY, well, I guess no one wanted to vote for an American Idol judge's dad…

  24. Fukui_sanYesOta

    Nate Silver is patting himself on the back over at the NYT, but this is the guy who called Nevada an 83% chance for an Angle senate win … and it's being called for Reid – thank the spaghetti monster.

  25. DustBowlBlues

    My evening would have been so much worse without you of the wonkeratti and our brave editor. Now get out of here, you know I love ya'.

    My way of saying good night and thanks. I'm going to go take a slug of narcotic cough syrup and sleep. Oh, shit. I just remembered: when I went to bed that horrible election night of 1994, I had a nightmare that every man, woman and child in America was carrying assault rifles. (Yes, wee ones, there was a day when we talked seriously about gun control in this country).

    Tonight will my nightmare have me being chased through endless aisle of Walmart by fat fucks on scooters, gnarling at me through the 6 or 7 teeth they have left?

    Oh, the horror. The horror. (Two famous lines in this one. Who said them, and in what? Quiz in the morning.)

  26. Dashboard_Jesus

    …and TAX CUTS! for the poor rich folks, don't forget them…of course he's gonna borrow more $$$ from the COMMUNIST Chinese to 'pay' for 'em, but THAT won't increase the deficit (or will it?)

  27. PresBeeblebrox

    For a pugilist Mormon trial lawyer, he's pretty fucking pathetic when it comes to fighting. We'll see what happens in the New Era of Rascal-Powered Politics.

  28. Steverino247

    Reid wins. Wow, I can't imagine how sternly worded his letters are going to be now. It's his fault that we almost lost the Senate. Nobody wants to vote for a dickless man.

  29. Troubledog

    Somewhere on Earth, every nine seconds, some karaoke host cues her up

    You're no good
    You're no good
    You're no good
    Baby, you're no goooood

  30. MiniMencken

    God, I am fatigued by this contest. Can we not have a revolutionary cadre that will sweep this reactionary pustule into the dustbin of history?

  31. nachoproblem

    If she's true to form she should just be telling her campaign staff, "You don't know me. Got that?"

  32. nachoproblem

    She doesn't want to get elected in Alaska, that's like actual work! She just wants to retire there on her kickback money and all the snowmobiles and Taco Bell it will buy her.

  33. lochnessmonster

    Must have been the crack about her hair…made her look a little like a nasty middle school girl.

  34. bubberella

    So how about our 2nd amendment remedies? Dang, I don't own a gun. Wonder if I can buy one with hobo beans?

  35. bflrtsplk

    With Jerry Brown back to replace the Gubernator, does Linda Ronstadt come with him? Now THAT would give me a real Boehner!

  36. Bezoar

    With apologies to Winston Churchill:

    "I've taken more out of Corporate America than Corporate America has taken out of me"

    Or so I would like to think.

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