Oh sheesh, did they have to take Feingold? We aren’t upset because the man was a great senator; we are upset because that was Pagels’ seat. It still seems like the Democrats will hold onto the Senate at this, the fifth hour of our long crash into forever-gridlock. Sure, the complete sell-out half of the old McCain-Feingold duo was the one that got elected, but where we seem to be going, that sort of ancient “bipartisanship” thing just seems quaint. The results are still trickling in. We don’t know about Nevada or Illinois or Alaska, which will end in a bloody fistfight on the tundra between all of those candidates tomorrow afternoon, most likely. So what is going on in the final hour before we reach the Teabaggers’ fabled “November 3”?
11:03 PM — Part IV, if you can’t keep track. (We can’t.)
11:09 PM — We have reached the hour of not calling anything, it seems.
11:11 PM — But Toomey and Kirk are up.
11:13 PM — Oh God, what is Chris Matthews talking about? Young voters are temperamental teenagers who are rebelling by not voting? Is that what he just said? We half-heard it.
11:14 PM — Bachmann wins. But what about Jim the Election Guy? He can only talk about elections! It’s in his name! That’s a long two years of unemployment. But, thankfully, because Bachmann won, taxes are a thing that will never happen again.
11:16 PM — Also winning big: Barney Frank. So we will still have a black man in the White House and a gay man with outsize power over the money after all this. HUGE LOSS FOR TEABAGGERS!
11:19 PM — Carl Paladino concession! Is he drunk? He is so drunk.
11:21 PM — Was that black guy a protestor? Haha, who the hell would protest him? What a waste of effort.
11:21 PM — Oh Lord is he drunk.
11:23 PM — Carl Paladino ran because he loves his country, he says. So if it was for his country and not his state, why didn’t he run for either of those Senate seats? Oh, whatevs, he is drunk and stupid and over.
11:24 PM — Haha, Chris Matthews is asking for a Pennsylvania Senate seat and Ed Rendell is not amused.
11:25 PM — CNN is focusing on California results even though 2% are in and this is useless. Wolf says Cali hates pot and Barbara Boxer AT THIS HOUR.
11:28 PM — Haha, we just happened to flip to local news here in Brooklyn and Paladino was still on. He keeps pausing to let the crowd shout stuff out and some dude just yelled “SECESSION!” This may be New York, but it’s still the Tea Party.
11:29 PM — Aww, even local news is going away from this sad, drunken Paladino speech. They referred to it as a “revival meeting.”
11:33 PM — John King notes the Democrats are at 49 in the Senate based on current calls. With California almost certainly stay with them, it’s almost time to call the “50 + Sen. Biden” safely for the Democrats with fairly good odds for more seats. Oh good, even the two houses of Congress will be in direct opposition to each other.
11:36 PM — So, are there any parliamentary maneuvers to bypass both the filibuster and the vote of the House of Representatives?
11:37 PM — We’re hearing the Iowa justices who ruled to legalize gay marriage are all losing. Eek. They will be replaced by a court of Chuck Grassley tweets.
11:41 PM — Boehner is speaking. Still wearing his Fred Flintstone costume from Sunday.
11:41 PM — Boehner: “We’ve buried our children.” NO! WHERE DID YOU PUT THEM? SOMEBODY CALL THE COPS.
11:43 PM — Oh good, Boehner magically just created some jobs out of thin air. You’re welcome, America.
11:46 PM — “We can celebrate when the small businesses start hiring again.” Boehner is not going to be able to go to bars with his lobbyist friends for a loooooooong time.
11:46 PM — Here come the waterworks! Right on cue!
11:47 PM — This man will not have the composure to hold back from banging that gavel up and down like a complete child.
11:53 PM — Politico has Boxer’s race called for her. And Pennsylvania for Toomey. We’re still awaiting on Alaska, Washington, Nevada, Colorado, Hawaii, and Illinois.
11:56 PM — Reid is winning 52%-44% with 59% reporting, Wolf says, which would be pretty impressive if it finishes even near that. And, of course, all of those Mexican gang-members would jump over the border wall around Nevada.
11:58 PM — CNN now calling the “control of Senate” for the Democrats with Boxer call. Which was expected, and doesn’t reflect how things went for Republicans in the country today, but perhaps will make it harder for the Republicans to call this a sweeping victory. Ah, who are we kidding, they will call it that anyway and media like CNN will let them get away with it.
12:00 AM — Ken tags in, back in time.
GIVE US MONEY! -