Tonight the future begins: Change is changing back. For too long, this nation has been PLAGUED by people who want to provide them health care and fix the economy. HEY, DEMOCRATS, WE WANT TO DIE OF HEART ATTACKS AND HAVE OUR ADVANCED SYSTEM OF BARTER DEVOLVE BACK INTO HUNTING AND GATHERING, THANK YOU. Democrats didn’t get this message, and the Teabaggers emerged from cashing their Social Secuirty checks at The Scooter Store to tell them they don’t like government action when it’s put in motion by black people. It has been a long two years of Republicans refusing to let government happen and the Democratic Party giving into their fear of voters hating them. And guess what? Voters probably hate them anyway, based on what everyone thinks will happen tonight. So grab a drink and thank democracy as the stubborn American economy removes what filibuster-proof power Democrats did have and leads into a new era of mixed-party deadlock.
7:00 PM — Polls are closing! Where are our dear Black Panthers scaring the white people? Oh, there, sort of. But not really.
7:01 PM — Nooooooo! MSNBC is calling South Carolina for DeMint! This country is hopelessly out of step with The Way!
7:02 PM — GOP’s first pick-up: Indiana. That’s okay. It was too boring for Evan Bayh. That sort of thing is understandable. And it will be especially understandable if the Republicans get to 51 seats.
7:05 PM — Like the petal in the calm brook, America will get to its Alvin Greene destiny in due time.
7:06 PM — Rand Paul is projected to win by MSNBC. Still have yet to hear if that’s an official Senate certification or if he will make up his own Senate to certify him the winner.
7:10 PM — Sounded like Anderson Cooper had to hold back some vomit when he just threw to Erick Erickson.
7:13 PM — CNN has two tables of pundits next to each other. But which one is the hologram? This technology is improving.
7:15 PM — OMG, you guys, they gave Chuck Todd an iPad! He is slobbering all over it. This is all politics is for this man, not that whole “law-making” thing, so he is very excited to have a iPad to consult Robert Novak’s ghost’s election analysis app.
7:18 PM — Fox has an exit poll. Based on the inflection in this blonde’s voice, everybody in America has declared themselves a Teabagger. No.
7:21 PM — Oh, let’s not forget Pat Leahy! He is still the Batman.
7:22 PM — Boehner is crying and spraying tanning spray and crying and spraying tanning spray. So nervous for pretending he will allow the government to make laws!
7:24 PM — Every House district a bellwether. No House district is a bellwether.
7:29 PM — We have yet to see America’s Political Analyst Sarah Palin, but apparently she has grown an additional beehive on her head.
7:30 PM — Rob Portman is your new Republican Ohio senator, from Wolf’s beard to babes’ ears.
7:34 PM — David Gergen is absolutely titillated with these early Indiana results.
Roland Martin is sweating heartily, so this team can’t be the hologram.
7:41 PM — Rick Scott and Marco Rubio leading early in Florida. The GZ Mosk will soon be illegal in that state.
7:45 PM — Woah! Trent Lott on CNBC! “They will have to deal with the spending!” Haha, no, how long have you been out of the federal government, sir?
7:48 PM — Jim Cramer is on here too. They are worried about the Teabaggers getting powered because they don’t understand anything but archaic economic sentiment. Lott and his unrolled shirt sleeves do not seem to fit in here.
7:52 PM — These CNN panels now have double the papers on their desks that they started with. Kathleen Parker is getting very skittish with this big city and all its exit pollin’.
7:54 PM — CNBC graphic at top says the House score is “Democrats 1 – Republicans 0.” The Democratic Party has won 1 (one) U.S. House of Representatives tonight.
7:55 PM — House Democratic leadership just spoke over on CNN. We didn’t catch what Pelosi said, but there was no Tea Party Express banner behind her yet, so that’s good.
7:59 PM — Jim DeMint was on CNN declaring victory for 5 seconds. He doesn’t realize that true victory declares you.
8:01 PM — Ken has tagged in for Part II. Get over there.
{ 100 comments }
So, are we no longer a Socialist Nation and now well on our way to Fascism? I assume there are no in betweens.
Since these people who call Obama a socialist facist nazi communist person don't really understand what any of those words mean, they'll probably still say we're a socialist commie nazi facist country until that dark person is no longer president. Or they die of a cheetohs and double down induced heart attack, whichever comes first.
Don't play with my emotions like that….a true teapocalypse would literally be 2,000,000 dead honkeys with cheetos hanging out of their mouths fingers covered with dust and a double down in each sweaty, flabby hand. Oh and don't forget the freedomworks fanniepacks…so fashionable.
I wonder if that's what Carl Paladino (aka Il Douche) meant when he said, after voting today, "win or lose, no more elections."
How about Oligarchy? Whichever one means most of us are fucked, that's the one we're getting today.
No, we got that when the Supreme Court made the Citizens' United decision.
Alito says you're wrong.
Well, at least that asshat Bart Stupak is out of the equation.
AAAAALLLVIIINNN!!!! NOOOOOO!!!!!!!
Back to Jesusland…
i suppose this will teach us all a thing or two.
Apparently having campaign workers who stomp on other people's heads actually drums up votes. Well I learned something.
Well, yes, but in Kentucky.
As does overt promises to return to Jim Crow.
Palin/Jim Crow 2012!
I'm actually surprised no candidates have legally changed their name to Jim Crow yet. Especially in Kentucky and Alabama.
Did Alvin crack 20%?
Funny you should mention 'crack' haha!
Sigh
Well thank God that FOX has the guts to report a black person standing in front of a polling place. Who knows, but for the grace of FOX News and the Tea Party, Black men might get the idea they can go into a polling place!
New Black Panther Seen At Polling Place
No Voter Intimidation Reported Tuesday At Poll
—-
The dullest headline of this election season.
OK just to give everyone some perspective, FDR went through the same shit his first mid term and those mofos where on bread lines and they were ready to go back to the tards that got them there in the first place and the same pretty much happen to Reagan too. So anyway love the process enjoy our most sacred right and grab the wine vodka whiskey etc. LETS PARTAY!
Clinton got destroyed in the 1994 midterms – and look where he ended up, deep inside a hot JAP intern's ass. It can't be all bad, amirite?
Well, Monica's "O'Donnell" with a cigar, but I get your point.
Sometimes a cigar is just a dildo. – S. Freud
The Rand Paul era has begun. I just hope this means more Paultard shenanigans in 2012. I miss my street being cluttered with their signs.
Also too my daughter is large and pregnant and dancing with Z-listers and also too you should get mad about this tweet and not look at her belly tonite on the dancing show. The joggin is why I'm so hot and Bristol is not, also. The joggin is harder than the dancin.
OK…is she really pregnant or am I just being uncharitable?
I'm kinda just being a bitch but anytime that girl gets a bump in the midsection I'm curious. Especially if she's in a studio practicing dancing routines since the beginning of September and still has to be spanx'd within an inch of her life with a midsection that can't be contained.
I blame so much of Bristol's foibles on having fundy parents that never bothered with imparting the 'birds and bees' lessons to the children. No birds and bees there, just keep your legs closed honey and you won't have babies. Not realistic for anyone.
Where purported pregnancy and Palins meet is always an entertaining scenario, to put it mildly.
You are kind to quantify your initial ribbing, but let's face it: She's now a 20 year old international spokeswoman for Teen Abstinence Education and a highly visible TV personality. If she is pregnant again, she has proven herself to be an enormous fucking idiot in her own right.
alright, I was trying to be understanding and nice, but I'll just stick with bitch! Thanks for reminding me that it works better.
Are you kidding? She's proven that already, even without possible-current-second-pregnancy.
That goes for mother and daughter.
I had to create a new account on this new Wonkette just to be able to say:
SENATOR RAND PAUL? JESUS FUCKING CHRIST
With 0% in, Pat Leahy has won per NBC, so looks like he gets another Batman cameo.
Ha ha, like Evan Bayh ever lived in Indiana. His daddy was a senator. Like Little Al Gore, he grew up in Georgetown, went to St Albans, etc. Not sure he could find The Hoosier State on a map.
I want to join Evan Bayh in his crusade against awful Democrats like Evan Bayh.
This is literally the first time in a year that I've tuned into CNN.
Why am I watching Eliot Spitzer?
Give Alvin Green a guest blogging spot on here, but only if he cracks 25%
You think Alvin would throw away his new $2 million deal at MSNBC to blog for Wonkette?
Actually, maybe. If you threw in a cool hat.
A run in Central Park my ass.
My bedroom overlooks Central Park, if I see that cunt running I will throw something at her.
Maybe throw a couple of rounds of Second Amendment love?
Can you rent a monkey to throw it's own feces at her? Of course, she'll then shoot it. From a helicopter. But still…
Do you have one of those comical, 16 ton weights that the Pythons were dropping on each other?
Just don't order from the ACME Rocket Sled and Giant Rubber Band Company.
Wile E. Coyote is still in court trying to get his money back.
She ain't good with geography. Perhaps she thought Central Park was that pissy fountain and hard bench located in the atrium of Fox Studios?
Cant wait for everyone in Kentucky to start certifying themselves as brain surgeons
Well they've certainly demonstrated that they are in serious need of more brain surgery.
How is CNN already calling several races that have less than 10% of the precincts reporting? I mean I know you want to be first to call the winners but geez!
And ten minutes after the polls close at that.
Dude I swear they just called Florida but the New York Times is saying less than 1% of the precincts there are reporting and I think some of their precincts close at 7 and some at 8. Uhhhh…
Exit polls… DeMint/Greene wasn't hard to call, I suspect…
What happened to all those states that were threatening to secede the last year or two? Are they fucking gone yet? If not, can we kick them out before the elections are over, and send Kentucky with them?
Kentucky actually has a lot of registered Democrats … except they're the Old Kind of Democrat… you know, the ones who aren't too sure about them Darkies.
And, it's landlocked. Hard to get rid of. Maybe you could do an 'independent nation' thing ala Bantustan in South Africa. Make them fund their own SSI checks. The toothless crack hos (I speak here of the legislature) wouldn't survive six months.
Does the state anthem still have the "darkies" thing in it?
This might be a little bit "contrarian," but is it possible that Lincoln was wrong, and we should have let the Confederacy GTFO? Granted, continuing the institution of slavery would be a cost, but we could have let them be their own country, then defeat the living shit out of them, and impose Abolitionist Sharia law on their asses. Without the South and its infectious and insidious bigotry, the average IQ of the US would jump, and redneckery would not be respectable.
(I live in the deep south, and am depressed as hell tonight.)
I just finished a 5 year vacation in northern Idaho, so it felt kind of deep southish, without the architectural charm or kudzu. I'm fine with Idaho also seceding. Pretty much anything not on a coast (and no, a fucking great lake doesn't count as a coast). Damn, I'm feeling elitist right now.
In losing and not campaigning on anything, Alvin Greene has won by not comprimising his values, and never being tempted to do otherwise once in power.
May peace and blessings forever be upon you, oh Teacher.
hmm i guess bread lines make you pause a term before voting against yourself my bad carry on then!
No problem–FDR got in trouble at the beginning of term 2 when he listened to those what wanted to reduce the deficit, nicely re-igniting the Great Depression in the process.
I think Palin meant "after psychotic break for Central Park run."
Goodness, what will Rand Paul's thriving practice do without him?
Good luck keeping that boy under control, Mitch McConnell, I hear he's a feisty one.
They's gonna be lot'o myopic Teatards with plenty of chicken credit to take over to Nevada for sight care.
Rand has made new certification bureau. The bureau to certify Rand Paul as Senator
Some bowtie guy on c-span:
http://www.c-span.org/Special/Live-Social.aspx
also fun map:
http://hosted.ap.org/dynamic/files/specials/elect...
And racist questions sure to come!
Fucking stupid, cowardly Democrats. Always bringing a knife to a gun fight. Two years of sucking gray elephant cock, and for what?
how do they keep calling these races with 0% reporting?
They're using the proven Megan McCain method of pulling it out of their ass.
nate silver told them what to say
So… Nate Silver was in Meg's ass?
No, Nate Silver was in the DeLorean. I've said too much.
being told on msnbc Ohio most important state of all time
From Wikipedia, source of all truth: a bellwether "The term is derived from the Middle English bellewether and refers to the practice of placing a bell around the neck of a castrated ram (a wether) leading his flock of sheep. The movements of the flock could be noted by hearing the bell before the flock was in sight."
That about describes the state of Ohio.
So glad we just spent $3 billion to get right back to where we were…
Wow, Greene is showing 38%. The tao of porn.
No Senator Greene Action Figures? How will our economy be saved?
I will give a thousand dollars to any newscaster who opens tonight's broadcast by looking into the camera and saying "Good evening, America! Get ready to put your head between your legs and kiss your ass goodbye!"
Well, yeah, crap. An extensive by my standards comment got eated. The short and sticky of it is that I look forward to two year of auto-disembowelment within the R party as they form an internal circular firing squad between the 'true believers' and those who actually understand what it means to 'govern.' Should be a lovely little bloodbath.
Rand Paul's triumph is great news for mining companies, and for jack-booted hippie stompers. And John McCain, also.
Miners and stompees, not so much.
Looks like Richard Burr is still President of North Carolina and Johnny "Johnny" Isakson is still President of Georgia.
"Still have yet to hear if that’s an official Senate certification or if he will make up his own Senate to certify him the winner."
OK, that was seriously fucking funny.
Damnit Ken Layne why don't my comments show up??
Eliot Spitzer is quite possibly the most intelligent person on CNN
Chill, wonketeers. This is the part in the movie Titanic where the HMS GOP rises out of the water, right before it snaps in half under the weight of its own crazy. And needz moar Celine Dion.
You know i was kinda getting that feeling that this isn't going to be that bad at all. But then i get over confident on Chianti
Am I supposed to be comforted by that? Or are you just letting us know we are all about to get sucked down to the ocean floor where we will all be eaten by giant squid?
I just want to know, for planning purposes.
I did not get to have wild sexy-time with Kate Winslet before we started sinking, so I call bullshit.
Kathleen Parker: "Finish the danged exit poll!"
Free eye exams by pretend ophthalmologists for the people of Kentucky. Head exam not included.
AP just called for Yale Divinity!!!
We should take our cue from the MST3k Robots.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OS0lW7jGCqs
Thanks.
Uh oh Rubio.
Jesus Crist.
The Meek Shall Inherit Nothing.
Chrissy lost!
Feel free to masturbate.
Suck it teatards.
fap fap fap fap
Thanks be to YouDee the Chicken… I was beginning to think this state had lost its mind. I guess Yale Divinity's panic-inducing noon-time email did the trick!
LINDA MCMAHON
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRR FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRED!
/been saving that one for five months, why do you ask?
HURR DURR DEM PICKUP IN DELAWARE… the eminently sane and reasonable John Carney beat the wingnutty Glen Urqhuart to get the seat that Mike Castle gave up to run for Senate. Vagina Dentata really fucked things up for the GOP in Delaware.
Can't wait for these Tea Party fucks to show up at Orientation Day for New Members of the House of Representatives (Republican) and finding out their political future in now in the hands of John Boehner.
Sorry guys–wait for about ten years and we might have something for you.
I can't wait to see what passes for common sense leadership.
Sarah running in Central Park? As Mayor she'd pave that bitch over and put up a parking lot and a gun store.
Losers! Too. Also.
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