shit on planes

TERROR IN THE SKY: Scary Things Found On Plane Somewhere, Maybe

Somebody maybe found a bomb (a 45-cent crate-opening pocket tool) on an airliner, and now the plane has landed, in Oregon. There was a note, too! (Maybe threatening?) Combined with the UPS/FedEx/Cast Away horror of last week and something mailed to Germany from Greece, we are going to need to anally prod a lot more toddlers with “stun guns” at TSA checkpoints everywhere, immediately:

A passenger plane has landed in Portland, Ore., after an onboard threat involving suspicious items was reported.

An official told CBS News there was a report of a threatening note and box cutters on board Delta Flight 90, a regularly-scheduled flight from Narita Airport in Tokyo.

About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

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  • chascates

    Give us back our country or we'll destroy this plane!

    • johnnyzhivago

      Interesting point, if the Teabag people don't do well tonight do they demand recounts or start their second ammendment solutions?

  • johnnyzhivago

    As Osama Bin Laden's mom will tell you, Al Queda people usually just focus on blowing things up, they don't waste a lot of time writing notes.

  • SexySmurf

    Get these mother fucking suspicious items off this mother fucking plane!

  • JMPEsq

    Box cutters! After the events of September 11 and flight 93, I'm sure that tactic would work perfectly again and not be followed by the would-be terrorist getting by every other passenger, so this very likely to be another terrorist and not some dumbass who forgot what was in his luggage.

    • V572625694

      Like Joe Miller?

  • bagofmice

    You know, 50 dollar locks on the damn doors patched that security hole. Active countermeasures to 9/11 were deployed within minutes by the people on united 93.

    There is no need for anyone to lose their shit.

    • imissopus

      Hey, this is America. We lose our shit better than anyone else, anywhere!

      U-S-A! U-S-A!

  • harry_palmer

    Since the Repubs can't raise the threat level to fuscia on election day until the Kenyan socialist is deposed, this is their best alternative in the meantime. They forgot to cover the boxcutters with anthrax!

  • GravyBoyJohnson

    Did the note say: do as we say or we'll kill you with the box cutters attached to this letter?

  • SayItWithWookies

    Hey, did anyone else not notice that Karl Rove got subpoenad? This apparently happened last week and this is the first time I've seen anything about it. Of course it's not for anything relevant to today — just election fraud — so, you know, it probably just got beaten out by more important coverage, like a black man standing in front of a polling place.

    • imissopus

      That is important, but is it as important as whether or not some chick who tours with the Jonas Brothers is anorexic? Discuss.

  • GuyClinch

    Explosive orgasmz, maybe!

  • SudsMcKenzie

    If that's the threshold, I have a shitload of suspicious items in my car.

  • nounverb911

    The flight originated in Seoul, maybe Kim-il-Chubby was trying to get away from his dad.

  • nounverb911

    I went through security at Narita on Saturday, their security is just as good as the American TSA version. (Whatever that's worth).

  • HateMachine

    "…a regularly-scheduled flight from Narita Airport in Tokyo."

    2channel is behind this, somehow.

  • jus_wonderin

    And, given the state of food and drink on flights, you will have to buy your Coke can.

  • One_who_wanders

    Conceded. They'll be able to bury you in an air sickness bag.