For the fifth time since October, an innocent military facility in Virginia has been savagely shot by some armed weirdo. The shooter is probably a former Marine and current nutcase, according to FBI agent Clarice Starling. And this time, the victim was a Coast Guard recruiting office in Woodbridge, Va. The same gunman probably shot at the Pentagon’s exterior walls and some Marines museum and a couple of other military buildings in Northern Virginia. But is the American Military really the target?
In Virginia, most buildings are military buildings. So there’s a chance the shooter is just firing at whatever’s nearby, and whatever’s nearby happens to be the Pentagon or the Coast Guard recruiting office or something along those lines, because what else is in Virginia besides strip malls and what’s his name’s house, the guy who banged slaves?
In other “crazy Americans shooting everybody and everything” news, two people were shot at a store this morning in New Hampshire, a couple of guys were shot on the New Jersey Turnpike, three people were shot (and two killed) in Austin, and another couple of hundred or thousand people or cops or buildings were shot everywhere, for reasons ranging from “about to get fired from Wal-Mart” to “voices in my head.”
(In the case of the Wal-Mart shooter in Reno, police say he bought ammo at that particular Wal-Mart and then used it on three store managers.)
Be careful out there!
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"because what else is in Virginia besides strip malls and what’s his name’s house, the guy who banged slaves?"
Strom Thurmond?
Robert E. Lee?
Pharaoh Ramses II?
Every single white male Virginian born before 1850?
Everyone in Virginia?
The correct phrase is "made sweet love to, forcibly."
What are the odds the shooter(s) purchased their weapons(s) legally?
In my part of the country, our military-base invaders do it a little differently.
They don't shoot up the base, they just let themselves in, have a hot shower and a doobie in the captain's quarters, then go sit on a cold beach at night and die of exposure. I am not making this up.
i thought gyrenes was better shots than that.
I guess he got the "This Is My Rifle. This is my gun!" chant mixed up. Uses his gun for fun and his dick for fighting.
How do we know he has a grudge against the military? Maybe he just hates military BUILDINGS, in which case his marksmanship is exemplary.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: [referring to Lee Harvey Oswald and mass murderer Charles Whitman] Do any of you people know where these individuals learned how to shoot?
[Private Joker raises his hand.]
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Private Joker?
Private Joker: Sir, in the Marines, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: In the Marines! Outstanding! Those individuals showed what one motivated Marine and his rifle can do! And before you ladies leave my island, you will all be able to do the same thing!
2nd amendment solutions.
In the case of buildings, I believe they're referred to as "2nd Story remedies" (aka "stairs").
This is why we should all be packing. Up here in liburl New York I am ready to go to court for my pistol permit so I can go get my Dirty Harry .44 Magnum. What is the need you ask? Well to defend myself against Carl Paladino supporters of course. Win or lose someone is getting shot at.
Young Buns. Gun Bungs.
A new way to play Tejas Hold 'em?
I'm totally on board with the NRA when it comes to laws restricting firearms ownership. See, If we restrict gun ownership in this country then aggreived employees will have no choice but to resort to Unionization to address their concerns with managment, and Unionization is bad for the economy. So I say we just keep the status quo and allow pissed off employees to hunt down their managers and bossess and shoot them dead in the hallway as they plead for their lives and the children who will grow up without a parent. I'm pretty sure that's what Jesus would have wanted.
Or, "Look who's doing the firing now, muthafucka!"
Gotta confess.. it's kinda cathartic just imagining it.
I think the Teabag Rule is that you automatically get the wife and children of whomever you kill.*
* If it's a woman… nah, I'm just kidding, Teabaggers won't allow a woman to be dominant over a man!
Where in the constitution does it call for well-regulated unions, hmmm?
This will only start an arms race between employees and management. Every workplace will now be an armed camp.
Yeah, but the hard working, blue collar Joes with grime under their fingernails who make the machines run spend weekends drinking whiskey and shooting up empty oil drums. They've got much better aim than the papered, well groomed, college boys in managment who spend their free time snorting cocained off the assess of high priced hookers.
Somehow, the phrase "hoisted by its own petard" comes to mind.
You don't need to purchase guns in Va. They just hand that shit out on I-95 so you can exercise your constitutional right to shoot up buildings.
Joe Manchin needs to dial it back a bit.
In general, Virgin
ians have a problem with seamen.Quibble time: the Coast Guard is not part of the military. It is part of the Department of Homeland Security. They just wear those cute outfits because they're gay.
If the Coast Guard is gay, what does that make the Navy?
Longer voyages = more sexytime! Why do you think the admirals have those Filipino houseboys running around in loincloths?
The Navy are all tops, the Coast Guard are all bottoms.
The Coast Guard guys is just Navy seamen who got discharged.
*rimshot*
You know what they say in the Coast Guard, if you don't sleep on your back, someone else will.
*budda-bing*
Thanks folks! Here all weekend at Liberty University's Greenbriar Room. Drive home safe now!
I like the cut of your jib, sir or madam.
Ah, to hell with the coasties…
Nice shootin' MBT.
America's global force for good. No, seriously, I saw something on TV about it.
And to think all this could have been averted if we'd just had prayer in public school…
There are no edifices in foxholes.
did someone already make the mandatory "maybe he has an edifice complex" comment?
I came thisclose to doing just that, but I had some vague recollection of having maybe done so previously.
However, it appears that I was mistaken, so you totally WIN, doscabras.
And got rid of Illegals, and banned gay marriage. See? The answers to our problems all so simple!
The shooter is probably a former Marine and current nutcase, according to FBI agent Clarice Starling.
Clarice, eh? Baaaa!!!
Wait! I thought all members of the military, past and present, were heroes who defended our freedumbz. But now, here's one shooting at buildings like some kinda Froot-Loop. I is so confused.
They are Heroes when blowing up women & children in Brown Countries, and they are Terrorists when they come home and do it here.
I've always wished that some nut would shoot up the NRA building. If they did it repeatedly, say, once a month, the NRA might have a hard time finding anyone willing to work for them.
What can I say, I'm a sucker for poetic justice.
Poetic justice sure beats judicial poetry–have you ever read scalia's haiku? I never knew anyone could so deeply ponder dick cheney's rectum in 17 syllables…
The NRA headquarters is down the street… in Northern Virginia. It's really fucking visible from HWY 50 and I-66, with the big ass red neon NRA on it. My point: it'll get shot soon enough, because the FBI doesn't have such a good track record with murderous right-wing nutjobs (anthrax in the mail anyone)?
It's actually worth a visit, if you like looking at antique guns and can stand the proximity to crazy. They have one hell of a gun museum. Just don't talk to anyone.
No, it's like the Mormon pagent in Palmira, NY. The ones you talk to there are really nice (BYU blonds, with freckles) and reasonable. It's the ones come to your house for the follow up recruitment you gotta watch.
The obvious solution is MORE GUNS NOW! If everyone were carrying, only a nutjob would dare shooting people. Oh wait . . .
No story here, folks. Go about your business. Unless the shooter is leftist or Muslim or brownish or (shudder) some combination of these, in which case this is the worst crisis our nation has faced since 9/11–blessed be its numbers–and proof of Obama's criminal negligence of America's security and grounds for his impeachment.
Don't forget Illegals! They can do more than behead Arizona ranchers, you know!
But, wait, do Illegals have Second Amendment rights? Let's check w/the NRA:
NRA: Fuck yeah! Gunz for all, all the time! Don't take away our FREEDOM!
I can't wait until Eric Cantor claims it was his office that drew the fire. Again.
I blame the Call of Duty 4 generation of shooters.
Not for portratying dramatically realistic scenes of violence, mind you, but for adding in the "take enough potshots and the building gets deformed" subroutine into the physics engine. Our youths don't know any better!
Awnings, too.
Time to crack open a nice Chianti.
It ain't a Marine. A Marine would take the building on mano a mano.
I'll bet Dick Cheney is responsible for about 37% of all these shootings.
And he slept in. Too, also.
If you haven't noticed his recent pictures, I don't think he could survive the recoil anymore.
As long as the building apologizes.
those are SOP in C'Addle.
If only those buildings were armed, they could've shot back at the guy and the crisis would be over!
-RedState
Is Halliburton the contractor for fixing chips in walls?
Funny you should mention Eric Cantor — who claimed he was a target because someone shot at one of his offices, until Richmond police said it was a random incident.
You're new here, aren't you? We snarked that one to death when it happened.
Unfortunately, the comments did not survive the transition to our shiny new forum.
Not new, just wondering: what's Cantor been doing THIS week?
I thought you had to be over six feet tall to join the Coast Guard. That way, if the boat sinks you can wade ashore.
Obviously, this shooting is the work of someone under six feet tall!!!
Too bad we can't talk to any of these people. We don't negotiate with terrorists.
This would never happen in Jersey. The buildings shoot back and dispose of your body in their own foundation.
A Marine from Austin who does WWII German cosplay travels the NJ Turnpike to shoot up WalMart managers in Virginia because the voice of Johnny Cash is singing in his head about shooting a man in Reno. He votes Republican.
The Second Amendment goes meta!
Smoking game for election night (British scientists say alcohol too dangerous, so doing Thai Sticks tonight): every time someone says "tsunami".
I've been to that Wal-Mart. I'm tired of people getting shot for no good reason, people losing their marbles because they can't cope with the fucked-up situation neoliberalism has put us in, &c. I'm out of snark. This just sucks.
I think this is the work of the New Wethermen. Freak out old white people while nobody gets hurt. It reeks of Bill Ayers.
We can haz apocalips time, now?
You know, it's hilarious that everybody thinks that movie was a satire. Parker and Stone were actually trying their hardest to make right-wing propaganda.
My jib's uncut. Oh, and seamen. Just had to say 'seamen' again.
As long as someone is bringing the seamen.
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