it's morning in america

It’s Election Day! Never Forget

We are already tired of Election Day

  • Hooray, it’s Election Day! America finally gets to vote out the Democrats, even though voters have a more favorable opinion of Democrats than of Republicans. (Wait, what?) Erick Erickson is already gloating and offering to help you with your resume, because tomorrow John Boehner is going to fire everyone. (Unless you roll cigarettes/work at the orange spray paint factory. Your job is safe and sound. Actually, you get a raise.) Meanwhile, Tea Baggers all over America are already moshing hard, so if you can you should go party/wave Made in China flags with them. Anyway, you should also probably go vote? Share your traumatic voter fraud stories in the comments and/or send hawt polling station pix to tips at wonkette dot com! [NYT/WaPo/Go Vote]
  • A federal appeals court might actually be okay with Arizona’s Mexican law? [SFGate]
  • There is no other news. Go Vote. Thank You.

About the author

Riley is an "internet blogger." He has written for such internet websites as True/Slant and the terrible Brangelina gossip emporium "The Huffington Post." Riley lives in northeast DC, near H Street. Maybe you do too and want to hang out?

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  1. Terry

    I voted early when there were no lines, so I can be smug today with everyone who is looking for time off to go to the polls.

    1. Texan_Bulldog

      Me too. Although I had to vote in a grocery store behind about a dozen old folks trying to figure out where to put their walkers and mumbling about the electronic voting machines probably not recording their votes correctly.

      1. Terry

        Mine was in the local county civic building. I walked in and there were people to direct me to the right table, immediately attentive people to sign me in and if I need translation, then to walk me to the machine. It was sort of what I imagined would happen if I was obscenely rich and walked into a Rodeo Drive store….but less pretentious.

      1. blogslut

        Sorry. I was a boring old liberal and voted last week. No news.

        I do have a prediction. Bill White will win TX governor and all the teevee talky talks will be spitting nails at the news because they weren't paying attention.

      2. Serolf_Divad

        Not much is there? There's this: The GOP is going to crush Walmart and the Pharmaceutical industry for their tender, late-night meange a trois with Barack Obama and Nancy Pelosi:

        So after November we'll have to buy our drugs in Canada and start shopping at Target more.

        Other than that I've got nothin'

        1. Terry

          You know, this midterm is sounding more and more like the old parable about the lady and the snake. She takes the snake in, feeds and cares for him, then when he warms up, he bites her. As she's dying, the snake says, what did you expect? I'm a snake!

          Boehner and his like are snakes, trying to make their scales all glittery and pretty for the TeaPartiers.

      3. PresBeeblebrox

        I may have another Children's Treasury of Christine O'Donnell Moments/Liveblogging O'Donnell's Concession/Victory Speech by the end of the day today…. this has to be the weirdest campaign season EVAR in Delaware, and it doesn't end with O'Donnell…

        1. Sparky_McGruff

          John Boehner is clutching his pearls in horror! Well, when he's not clutching his bottle of Ol' Grandad and a carton of Camels..

          1. kenlayisalive

            The ol' grandad now, he drinks that, or mixes with tang to form a thick paste, which he then applies liberally to his skin?

            Haha, liberally.

          2. Sparky_McGruff

            I'm pretty sure the yellow comes from within. You can find that color at your local home depot, just look under "Boehner Jaundice Orange". It's the color of alcoholic liver failure and nicotine mix with his douchebag personality.

      4. bitchincamaro2

        4 Americans were gunned down on the browner side of the Tex-Mex border. One could speculate that the murders were drug related, perhaps boosting the chance that Prop 19 will pass. Nah. All the victims had Mexican surnames. No story here.

      1. kenlayisalive

        Can someone let Bill Maher know that he needs to be scared of people named "Zach" now please.

      2. bitchincamaro2

        This is what "anti-establishmentarianism" has come to. Whatever happened to cutting the soles off your shoes, sitting in a tree, and learning to play the flute?

          1. HistoriCat

            Damn it – an hour to go until lunch time and I've already read the pancake piece from last night and now you're talking about hot buttered groat cakes.

  2. Respitetini

    So, how long until our new overlords (same as the old overlords?) force us hoi polloi into a trade-and-barter economy?

  3. slappypaddy

    here comes the sun. open the gates and stand back, the crazies are being set loose. as my favorite vulcan might put it, this should be fascinating.

  4. 4TheTurnstiles

    Voted early this morning in the 22030. Gerry Connolly is a Bad Man because he's associated in some way with something called the Pelosi, according to some fat guy I'm supposed to take seriously.

    1. Sparky_McGruff

      You know that he's single-handedly responsible for the deficit. He's a busy guy, apparently, trying to kill our childrens and spends their money. I'm informed, I'm watching the ads on the teevee.

    2. JMPEsq

      Voted on my way to work this morning, and I was pleasantly surprised to see a good number of people their; usually my polling place is empty in the mornings except during Presidential elections. It's an urban majority middle-class black district, so no teabaggers.

      Our Senate race is neck and neck and I'm really hoping we don't get stuck with Toomey right after dumping the embarrassment of the frothy mix; but there doesn't seem to be much hope in the Governor's race.

  5. glindsey1979

    Voted. Passed a crazy, screaming, incoherent bunch of Teatards on the way to work. Felt justified that, although they may win the day, I've done my part against their raving idiocy.

    In a way, it's a win-win scenario. If, by some miracle, the people in power actually do good things and turn this country around, then it is good for us. If their policies instead drive this country into a ruling class of plutocrats being tended by herds of winning (and unwilling) serfs, then at least we have sarcasm, satire, and schadenfreude to see our way through.

      1. glindsey1979

        That, at least, would've been funny. No, it was a huge "conflating-politics-with-religion" rally, complete with several signs mentioning "In God We Trust" and "One Nation Under God". There was also a quote about limited government by Reagan (who expanded government to unprecedented levels) and insinuations that if you didn't vote right-wing, you're going to hell. So, yeah, totally typical.

    1. ALIVE!

      If you drove past a screaming bunch of Teatards and didn't turn the steering wheel towards them, then I'm afraid you didn't "do your part." Just sayin',

      1. glindsey1979

        I have to admit that I do draw the line at premeditated murder… and honestly, isn't it better that the people they elected get into power and then proceed to fuck things up in EPIC proportions, so that they can only sit back and stare, their mouths agape with horror, not wanting to admit it but KNOWING, deep down, that they brought this nightmarish hell on Earth upon themselves?

        Sorry. I just recently read "The Handmaid's Tale".

        1. Gleem_McShineys

          I think the problem with this theory is that these people don't operate in the realm of realizing anything 'deep down,' because that sort of thing is not what is shown on teevee… Or in your observed teatard-tribe, the pulpit.

  6. PsycWench

    Election Day is a lot like Christmas Day…there is much anticipation a month ahead, but by the day itself you're just ready for it to be over and to go back to normal life.

      1. PsycWench

        It sounds like the actual wedding to me, which is why Mr. PsycWench and I eloped.

        All three events also have in common that they cost a lot of money that in hindsight could have been put to better use.

    1. Chet Kincaid

      [This] Election Day is a lot like [major, life-threatening surgery]…there is much [fear and dread] a month ahead, but by the day itself you're just ready for it to be over and [hoping to wake up alive].


    2. deanbooth

      I voted by mail two weeks ago. It feels like I opened my Xmas presents the day UPS delivered them and now I have nothing to unwrap.

    1. glindsey1979

      I see, it's like one of those "Second Amendment remedies but not actually with guns" that Obtuse Angle always talks about.

      1. glindsey1979

        Oh, there'll be police. You'll have several highly-rated security companies to contract with! And you'll be sure to pay protection money to ALL of them, because this is a nice place you got here, be a SHAME if something were to HAPPEN to it…

        1. glindsey1979

          I LOVE the cognitive dissonance in the comments of that article. The article LITERALLY says that low taxes are to blame for the budget problems, yet that one guy keeps insisting that isn't the case. It's just… I mean… of all the… Jesus, we're all doomed.

    1. CapeClod

      Just be sure you write that check for your fire department subscription and get it in the mail today.

      1. glindsey1979

        I'm afraid they won't cover you due to your pre-existing condition — you're made out of flammable materials such as carbon.

        1. glindsey1979

          THANK YOU for this suggestion. I am now doing the same. Hell, I forgot it was ON my iPod!

          Edit: And after that on the "Best of Talking Heads" soundtrack is "Road to Nowhere!" So appropriate!

        2. JMPEsq

          Even better, "The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire; we don't need no water let that motherfucker burn".

          1. slappypaddy

            my wife and i sang the chorus of that (the only part that we olds can master) on the drive to the office this morning. actually, the world we knew ended a while back.

          2. lumpenprole

            "California Über Alles!" I get to vote for Governor Moonbeam! Thanks for nothing eBay Creep! Thanks for months and months of boring television.

  7. medicarehandjob

    Well, at least we get to return to the same leftist nihilism/paranoia we grew to love under Dubya. Time to pretend we like war and take advantage of the tea party's free booze. Erickson's already tuning his swagger to bed a post-loss, drunk Christine O'Donnell.

  8. samsuncle

    I live in a red state and today I went to the polls in the pouring rain and voted a straight dem ticket. I doubt if any of my candidates will win but I am proud to have supported my party anyway. Fu*k the GOP.

    1. glindsey1979

      Look on the bright side… maybe a huge increase in meth users will lead to folks demanding socialized dental care.

  9. Serolf_Divad

    I voted at 7:00 (before the polls officially opened to white people), will be voting again at lunch time and once more after work… because I'm an illegal Mexican and we're allowed to do that by law.

  10. CapeClod

    I just hope I can push my way through the teatards clutching their local death roles when I vote this afternoon.

  11. babyeinstein

    oh oops shit, excuse me while i go do same-day registration so i can cast my vote for vince gray…

  12. Ducksworthy

    Nov. 2, 2010 shall go down in history … let me rephrase that. History is actually now over. Today is the day our reptilian overlords regained their rightful mastery over the our civilization (USAmerikka only) and the pace of mass lobotomies accelerated 100 fold.

  13. justkillmenow

    Voted last week in a vacant store front on the edge of campus. It was like performance art of our failing economy. But I was happy to play the role of the socialist.

  14. Steverino247

    Well, I get to vote to put Meg Whitman's head opposite the other Half Dome in Yosemite today. About $200,000,000 of her money to do it. Perhaps Governor Brown could break a bottle of bubbly on it at the dedication ceremony…

    Susan Sarandon called me from Minot, SD to ask me to vote for Prop. 19 about 9 p.m. so I guess I should if she was up that late making calls. Maybe she was in line at Taco Bell?

    And a special message to Nevada voters from Steverino: Yes, Harry Reid is a dickless, clueless Senate leader but don't inflict that crazy bitch on the rest of us, will ya?

    1. HempDogbane

      Correction: Minot is in the North Dakota Congressional District, rather than the South Dakota Congressional District. Susan was almost to Canada, which we will be invading soon, because thanks to gridlock we can't get it up for Iran.

      1. Steverino247

        Yeah, you're right! So why did my caller ID say SD? Maybe the phone co. here in CA has already voted on Prop. 19–with their bongs.

    1. PsycWench

      If any of the GOP are as old as me (at 50 I qualify as a Young Gun) they will remember how well their persecution of Bill Clinton worked out.

      1. Ducksworthy

        Probably saved bin Laden's life though, so there's that. Look how much good bin Laden did for them. Allowed them to bankrupt the country.

  15. DCHatesMe

    Remember , all yard signs, bumper stickers and political buttons will become invalid after today. Pick them up and drop them off at your local polling place to be destroyed. Help keep America beauitful.

  16. Winnie_Cooper

    Voting was not exciting this morning here in Philadelphia. There were a couple of Republicans handing out sample ballots too close to the polling place. I took one but voted the opposite way (and I'm certain that the look on my face told them that was going to happen). But they told me to have a nice day and thanked me for voting as I left anyway. City of Brotherly Love!

      1. Winnie_Cooper

        They were around, but not at my precinct. And they didn't have weapons this time, so Eric Holder can keep his pants on.

        Had they been at my precinct, they would have been beaten up by the scary handbag-wielding Polish grandmothers in my 'hood.

  17. JMPEsq

    One thing to celebrate: after today, no matter things turn out, those fucking annoying ads will be over with; for the two years anyway.

    1. GOPCrusher

      And I'm afraid that any race that the Tea Bagger Approved Candidate is not elected, will be followed up with a repeat of the Coleman-Franken travesty of Democracy with months of recounts and every single ballot contested.

  18. HedonismBot

    Yay! Congress will be so hopelessly divided that they won't be able to pass any laws at all. The GOP won't allow the Democrats to pass their soshulizmz, and if the teatards manage to squeak one through, Obama will veto it (hopefully.) Good luck overriding it. Half – let alone 3/4 – of Congress can't agree on what time the sun came up in the morning.
    Gridlock. It's the American way! Sad to say, a lack of progress will at least be better than regression.

    1. glindsey1979

      The bitter ass in me would rather they pass a ton of stuff and utterly destroy the nation. Because, you know, I'm not part of Real America, so it shouldn't matter if it crashes and burns, right? Sometimes I think my wife and daughter are my only bulwarks against outright nihilism.

      There's also the "boiling frog" analogy… I'd much rather see some sweeping changes utterly backfire, instead of a bunch of tiny things chipping away at us and pushing the Overton Window even FARTHER to the right.

  19. HurricaneAli

    Just got back from voting – I was so paranoid about getting kicked out of the polling place that I parked my bike way far away (because of Obama sticker). There was an uptight looking dude with a "poll watcher" sticker on in big, black, scratchy letters so it looked spooky. He wasn't taking pictures or writing down anything or anything so I let him live. Saw my neighbors, got my "I voted" sticker. Now all's to do is wait for the returns and cry in my Theraflu (I have a cold).

  20. chickensmack

    I am hopeful, and truly believe we won't fear much from the six or seven teabaggers that get elected.

  21. Katydid

    I haven't voted yet, and it really pains me that I no longer live in CT to vote for Blumenthal. However, my rep here in NJ, Rush Holt, has one of the most liberal voting records in Congress, so there is that.

    I thought I had a dilemma because my old state senator was the only Republican to vote for gay marriage, and I was very torn about voting for him over the Democrat. But I just read that the guy left in March to head the Port Authority, and the new guy is not for equal rights, so no conflict there now.

    So here's the headline they would never let me use when I was a journalist: Vote Early And Often. Democrats can steal elections too, ya know. OK, well, JFK's father could, but still.

    1. JMPEsq

      And I believe Holt's safe. Although it can be annoying to be in a safe district; it's the only time I ever start wishing I was in the 'burbs, where we have a number of good, embattled Democratic incumbents battling utter douchebags, and I wish I could be voting for one of them when in my district Chaka Fattah (D) is guaranteed reelection against Sacrificial Lamb (R).

  22. elviouslyqueer

    Yep, three comments in to Ewick Ewickson's post, and I really really really want to kick him square in the balls. For freedom, of course.

  23. bitchincamaro2

    I'll go to the polling place as soon as Verizon shows up and fixes my damn phone. I'm not sure which activity will prove more painful. So far, waiting for the repairman wins.

  24. DoktorZoom

    Voted futilely for DeonRATS in Idaho; there was a real live poll monitor sitting in back, noting names of voters as the elections folks called 'em out, no doubt checking for zombies. Dunno if he was a TeaPerson or just a poli-sci major–looked to be college age.

    1. Ducksworthy

      Hmm. Idaho eh? Were there Wolverines on the ballot? Can a Wolverine join the teaparty? Are there Mormon Wolverines?

  25. RedneckMuslin

    Thanks, I had my Chinese turned on on my computer and I thought you said it was erection day. Imagine the look on my face when I went to my pulling place.

  26. Don_Incognito

    Bad news, Wonketteers.

    I just voted in my bustling metropolis of Columbus, Ohio. Last time I voted, I shit thee not, it was in a neighborhood public school where all classes are conducted exclusively in French. This time, it was in a big-ass church a couple miles from my house. At the polling place, I was the only voter present who did not have gray hair (or no hair at all). There were about 25 or so olds in all.

    We are jolly well fucked, my friends.

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      Meh. As is my custom, I voted by dropping my mail ballot in the drive-through drop box at the county courthouse, which I drive by each day on the way to work.

      In line with me were six or seven elderly Toyotas and Subarus, a Prius, a Civic and only a single luxury car (gashog Escalade).

      This indicates a Democrat landslide in my district.

    2. deanbooth

      Since Columbus is a university town, there are lots of liberal olds (of which I am one). A friend took a bus to the sanity rally with her 60-year old parents. Just cause there's snow on the roof doesn't mean there's a snowbilly in the pantry (or something).

  27. notreelyhelping

    Save us, Wonkette! You're our only hope! (Of getting through today without going out the window.)

  28. petehammer

    Even though I'm not from San Fran and don't care about baseball, I think I'll post this 1 million times today. Charlie Krauthammer, October 29, 2010:

    "My prediction: The Dems lose 60 House seats, eight in the Senate. Rangers in seven. "

  29. fatoots

    My small town polling place was quite actuve as well this morning. Unfortunately I live in a town that posts big signs that say "HAD ENUF? FIRE FRANK! DUMP DEVAL!"

  30. imissopus

    Walking over to my polling place in a few minutes. Voting for Prop 19 is the only thing that's going to take the edge off today. Aside from actually smoking some dope. Anyone carrying?

    Oh, and also sending Meg Whitman and what's left of her fortune scuttling back to the dank pits of Cthulu's layer from whence she came. Ditto Carly Fiorna. And telling our legislature to go ahead and pass budgets with a simple majority like nearly every other state in the union. And telling out-of-state energy companies to suck it, we like our law limiting greenhouse gas emissions. So yeah, some good stuff today. Doubt it will help when I have to listen to gloating shitheads like Ewick son of Ewick, though, that fat sack of crap.

    1. lumpenprole

      I've so been looking forward to the Whitman/Fiorina anticlimax. Remove the tidal wave of cash and these are two awful jerks that no one likes. Sure people took their money and stuck their faces on teevee all DAMN YEAR, but I've seen exactly one (1) car with Meg & Carly stickers. (I see that car all the time and the stickers came off weeks ago.)

  31. natoslug

    Okay, I've voted, but apparently the taint of Idaho was still upon me. Even though I registered in California with days to spare, I was not on the rolls, so my ballot went into the hot pink provisional/flamboyant envelope to be counted if someone feels like it. I feel so special. It's weird voting somewhere you haven't been in 20+ years — all the old ladies (voting here is held at the neighborhood Ladies' Club) still knew who I was and needed an update on the past 20 years of my life. One of them glared at me for a good part of this. I think I may have dated her daughter.

    1. glindsey1979

      Yeah, I'm sure the fact that you weren't on the rolls in California was just "a mistake".

      Plenty of "mistakes" to be made today in the battleground states!

      1. natoslug

        Considering I registered 4 days before the deadline, I'm fairly confident it was just an oversight. I am in Humboldt County after all — the elections office was probably too high to process my paperwork in time. Hopefully they didn't use the form to roll anything; I don't want my vote going up in smoke.

  32. kenlayisalive

    Just voted with the new electronic voting machines in NYC.

    It went well, I suppose, but doesn't have any of the romance of the old machines with the switches and lever, and the curtains and clanking and clicking and clunking. You used to really feel as if you were really doing something. Now it's just kind of like…meh.

  33. sati_demise

    Voted last week in Az. It felt so good to vote against Jan Brewer.

    We have a ballot initiative to "make it against state law to require anyone to buy health insurance." Sweet! One more legal mishmash my tax money will have to finance!

    1. glindsey1979

      Does that mean Arizona is going to arrest the federal government? Damn, that would be hilarious to watch!

      Edit: Also, sati, don't take this the wrong way… but FOR GOD'S SAKE, ARIZONA, SECEDE. SERIOUSLY.

    2. GOPCrusher

      We have a candidate for Attorney General for the state of Iowa who sole campaign was to file a lawsuit to stop Obamacare. She never has prosecuted a case or done anything else in her lifetime that would remotely qualify her to be a Attorney General.

  34. sati_demise

    But we also have medical marijuana on the ballot.
    Everyone pray it passes!
    please god let this one nice thing-in the pile of crap offered- pass into Az. law.

  35. PresBeeblebrox

    I, for one, will head to my local soshalist gubbmint-run public school to cast my straight-Democratic votes, including a vote for Yale Divinity and against Vagina Dentata… then I will head home to watch the returns on TeeVee, where I will have several bottles of hard liquor at my side for ready consumption in the event Vagina Dentata actually pulls out a win.

    I got this ominous email from the Yale Divinity campaign about an hour ago encouraging me to make GOTV calls because voter turnout was lighter in New Castle and Sussex Counties than "we are comfortable with" … which, for Sussex County, Delaware's Jeebusland, is a Good Thing… but shit like this makes me afraid that Ms. Dentata could actually be elected, notwithstanding the polls.

    1. PresBeeblebrox

      Yale Divinity sent out an email at 5:30 telling us that voter turnout was, in fact, OK now and that we should keep working on getting out the vote. Meanwhile, Vagina Dentata's campaign got its hands on the original email and it went viral. Suddenly a narrative emerged on the Twitters and the blogospherez thanks to a similar email from the Blumenthal campaign: "ZOMG even the safe seats are in danger!!!111" I almost had a heart attack….the thought of O'Donnell as my Senator is enough for me to move to Prince Edward Island….

  36. emmelemm

    God, I love my all-vote-by-mail state. Not that I don't love the thought of going to my neighborhood school/church and commingling with the Tea-Partyin' masses or anything…

    Actually, where I live, it's all smiles and sweet, sweet soshalizt lihbrulism all the time anyway, so it's not so bad.

    1. PresBeeblebrox

      And sweet, sweet marryjewanna too, if it's the Oregonz, yes? I don't know how you all handle those endless ballot measures and telephone book sized voter guides to interpret said ballot measures…

      1. emmelemm

        No, iz Washington state (you know, the "other" Washington). We do not have a pot measure on the ballot this time (unless I totally missed it), although we have in the past. (We have medical marijuana, and there was a measure which kicked enforcement of mj laws down to "lowest priority". But we still haven't fully legalized it, and most importantly, TAXED it.)

        Personally, I was really not happy with the esteemed Mr. Holder announcing that even if STATES legalize merry jane, the Feds are still going to bring down holy hell on offenders. What the fuck? Priorities much? And I don't even smoke pot, I just think it's ridiculous.

  37. Terry

    In my experience, boys of those names tend to have parents with really whiney voices who call loudly for their offspring in public places.



    Annoying as heck.

  38. Lascauxcaveman

    20-year old privileged white American Jihaddist named Zach?

    Boy, that kid is really mad at his parents.

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