Sarah Palin has had it with the irresponsible media, especially when they’re not fulfilling their constitutional duty of writing fluff pieces about her wayward pregnant teen-aged children dancing like harlots on the teevee. No longer will Sarah just sit there typing hieroglyphics on Twitter while the anti-American monsters of The Politico quote her fellow Republicans saying the entire GOP is gearing up to have her disappeared. She knows about hella reporting and such, we bet! After all, she spent most of a decade pursuing her community college degree in journalism.
Responding to the mean ol’ Politico which is supposed to just repeat whatever the Tea Party nuts say, Palin told her Scientologist co-worker at Fox News that it’s time everybody went to the University of Palin to earn their online degree in journamalism:
“I learned back in the day that who, what, when, where, why of journalism. You report that facts; you let other people decide what their opinion is going to be. So having unnamed sources in an article like this is very, very, disappointing, you know. And it doesn’t do anybody any good. It doesn’t educate anybody.”
Remember how Jack Black was such a loser in the School of Rock movie until he stumbled upon the magical formula of “Those Who Can, Do/Those Who Can’t, Teach”? This will probably be Sarah Palin’s new racket, on Twitter, once the Republican Party sexists stomp her head like they did to that MoveOn.org liberal. [Politico]
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You can tell she went to journalism school, because of how well she applies AP Style to her Tweets.
She has a BS in Urinalism.
gggg d{.{ !!!
Does it come with bastards?
Andrew Breitbart?
No. it BYOB. Basterds would be extra.
All the bastards you can eat! But, bitches are extra.
my opinion is she wouldn't know a fact if it bit her on the ass.
I'm ready for the gloss to come sliding off that ass already. It's time for Republicans to start thinking someone else sexy for a change.
Or a Tweet if it bit her in the….oh, never mind.
Too bad she never learned the "how" of journalism. That one "H" is always the stinker.
WHow!
Of course she learned the "how" of journalism. Haven't you seen her journalism typing on the Tweeter machine?
Sarah can haz invisible penises.
I learned back in the day that who, what, when, where, why of journalism.
There is nothing funnier I can add to this sentence. I'm not even gonna try.
You recognize the cadence of God and probably don't realize it!!!! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Glossolalia
Are you claiming that PsycWench is speaking in tongues when she blastphemes the divine Sister Sarah? YOU HERETIC!
Hey, the divine Sister Sarah is doing fine blaspheming herself!
OT: that's a heckuva avatar, Greenie. It looks like an innocent sprout in the thumbprint but look closer….
It's my view of what the trophy will look like once corporate America finally realizes how to completely buttfuck society with the "true" green initiative, ie – PROFIT. So far, only things that could truly help Mother Earth have been discussed, therefore – no real interest in Congress (no contributions from poor scientists and hippies!).
Oh that's right. I forgot about her church. Too bad its too far north for rattlesnakes. They could drink poison though.
Though thy'd botch the poisoning for sure. Little Trig would get ahold of it and become a martyr.
And to think, it only took her five different schools to learn them all!
And going to five schools clearly makes her five times smarter than everyone else.
She probably learned one of those terms at each school.
One school, one W (and probably a handful of Cs and Ds).
"…in bed"
that who what when where of journalism. What is this dumb bitch even talking about? She twats in stream of conciousness, which gives us a terrible, frightening insight into what's going on in that brainless noggin of her.
The notion of going to Moscow, ID to do anything other than shoot speed and/or varmints is mind boggling. Go Griz.
Sign me up! I've always wanted to know how to "report that facts."
I already learned this from Steve Miller.
Isn't there a part of you that secretly does want to see this woman elected president? I mean, who better to preside over the terminal phase of our empires' decline than this screeching monkey of a person?
Not quite, but I do think that, in all the orgiastic rites that followed The Chosen One's inauguration, we forgot how batshit crazy this country is and probably always will be. We had enough sense, for a minute, not to elect a drooling doting paranoid in the middle of a financial crash. But we didn't, by mere dint of that spell of clarity, cease to be the country that elected and fucking re-elected George W. Bush because he was the cooler one and because ick that blowjob.
I certainly DO NOT want her to win, but I godamnedmuthafuckin sure do want her to run! If you think Walnuts was crazy, just wait and see how batshit things will get when his nurses aren't there to filter the absolute KAPLOW that will occur when she is surrounded by like-minded apes and assholes! God, please let my liver last long enough to see this!!
p.s. Are ther 2 d's in "goddamnedmuthafuckin", or only 1?
In answer to your question: Spelling no longer matters. If you got it wrong, just claim that you,r like Shakespeer and invented it.
there's as many goddammuthafuckin dees as you want in that goddamnmuthafuckin sonuvabitch of a cocksucking pussylicking goddammuthafuckin word, goddamnit.
(slappypaddy, now touretting worldwide.)
Thanks alot, Paddy – I just spit my latte on my goddammuthafuckin monitor!
I had that thought when Bush was "elected" the first time, but we lived through that, if barely. Having her as president next would just be cruel.
No.
Nope. (But I'm stealing your 'screeching monkey of a person' for the next person I feel deserves that smear, thanks)
Yes, if someone uses an anonymous source that means it's all made up. As the WaPo notes:
(It's a testament to Palin's power that no one — literally NO ONE — the Fix chatted with about her future prospects would do so on the record. And, yes, we know that by citing anonymous sources, we are playing into the very "lamestream media" tactics that Palin decries.)
Man, we all know what Palin does to people who cross her. I would stay anonymous too. anything to keep that crazy eyes from coming after me.
Woah, Whipped. They didn't seem to have a problem with anonymous sources back when it was the Bush administration feeding them turd after steaming turd that "proved" Iraq was overflowing with nukyular weapons.
I can feel my lights getting dim whenever I have to decipher one of her missives. And that's when it's kept under 140 characters!
The photo of Palin is poorly cropped. I'd love to know what's happening behind/ beneath Mama Grizzly to cause that wild expression.
Looks like she's preparing for a flying dick.
Heads up, Sarah — that dildocopter's comin' in hot!
My wife has that very same green bracelet!
I wonder if Sarah Palin's ever used it as ersatz anal beads as well…
Did she ever actually er, write a news article, long-form journalism piece, feature article? Because I don't think she did.
I'm amazed no one has saved any video clips of the big-haired sports reporter's work. It's as if her employers at the time couldn't stand her.
She did screech sports scores on the teevee … so … JOURNALISM.
It's a shame she was missed in Dillingham's "Beaver Roundup." Could have saved us all a lotta blinding headaches.
Sarah Palin: FOX-ready since 1988!
She's never worked for a newspaper, but she saw one rolled up on her front yard one time.
Have you not read "Going Rogue"? It's is hard-hitting journalism that "traces one ordinary citizen's extraordinary journey and imparts Palin's vision of a way forward for America and her unfailing hope in the greatest nation on earth." I guess that "unfailing hope" has been tarnished by the corrupt bastards.
Don't know much about history…
Nor biology, neither, plus, she really has her hands full with Trig.
See, kids. Quitting is fun and rewarding.
It's a very simple rule; objective journalism means only printing that which Palin and her various sycophants and proteges want, while publishing any facts that put them in a bad light being part of the biased lamestream media.
I wish I could compliment you on the joke.
The five W's of Sarah Palin: Washed-up, wacko, white, whore and I couldn't think of a fifth.
Whiny.
Ooh! I got some!
Witless? Wannabe? Wearisome? Windbag?
This is fun!
Witch promoter?
Withered.
Wrong, also.
wetawded?
Wrinkled
Wretched Whore!
Wa-silly!
weirdo, (probably) wasted, worthless, wicked, wasteful, wishful.
Wait, the last one is me when I think about her disappearing somewhere without cameras or twitter.
Willow.
I've never known a human being who has accomplished so little, quit so often, but insists she is an expert on how everyone else should do their job. I can't wait to read her Twitter dissertation on quantum physics.
#sarahpalin tweets: Stephen Hawking is a pussy. LOLOLOLOLOL
George W. Bush?
Given that it is impossible to fathom the point of anything she says, I'd venture she might be able to explain the uncertainty principle.
I'm not so sure…
it will be a quarking singularity of infinite velocity and no mass.
She's like a vector boson in relativistic gauge theory, i.e., naively massless.
Here's one of the anonymous quotes she didn't like:
"There is a determined effort to find a candidate we can coalesce around who can beat Sarah Palin," said one prominent Republican. "We believe she could get the nomination, but Barack Obama would crush her."
I like the image of Hopey crushing Screechy.
Best election night phone call ever: "So how's that hopey, changey thing working out for you, snowbilly."
dopey, whine-y thingy
/fixed
I'll be working on my direct-to-video porn: Hopey Crushes Screechy.
Also: Show Me Your Birth Certificate.
"You report that facts"
This should be tattooed onto every journalism student's right arm. The jurnlists oaf.
That's funny, I have a community college journalism degree, and I have actually read a newspaper! I also learned that there is more to journalism than giving an Iditarod update and playing a flute solo up to the commercial break. Or showing up at FOX and spouting whatever incoherence bubbles to the top of my mind, in whatever order, like lottery balls.
"playing a flute solo" : Is that not how she obtained the sports casting gig?
You think the school itself sounds great? Wait'll ya get a load of the football team.
I believe Bristol did just that.
TOUCHDOWN!
And FOUL!
Are you suggesting she pulled a train for the football team? Because she didn't. Your anonymous source was wrong. It was the Russian Band Camp team.
Hockey also.
The hockey team from Jesus Camp, so it's OK.
That is Bristol/slut joke bait and I'm not taking it (unlike Bristol).
Are we allowed to write in pen at Sarah U?
Too easy.
What is "yes, on our hands"?
NO! No fancy ink lernin'. Start with the basics
101 Hold sell fone
201 Tweeting with confident
301 Facebook manners and cool pix
401 Talkin' 2 teevee bastards
You forgot 102: Hold 2 sell fones at once!
Nope, they push buttons. 40 characters or less or GTFO. (It doesn't actually have to spell anything coherent.)
The "Fightin' Grizzlies" of Sarah Palin School of Journamalism are far superior to the "Limp Dicks" of Glenn Beck University.
Ah gotz mai deegree frum teh collage uf Sara Palen'; were ah lerned teh faxt bout jurnolizm frum de best jurnoltists en Merica. U 2 kan lern teh faxt iffen U go 2 !1!
It iz al bout teh faxt peepoles! TEH FAXT!!@L
pS fren me on ficebuk 2 lern moar orr fallow meez un da tweeter !!
Allen & VandeHei vs. Palin: that's way more fun than Colbert vs. Stewart.
Allen & Van de Hei v. Palin
I believe this is what those in the hospital professions refer to as "Code Brown".
University of Palin: Where all the classes are taken P/F: "Palin or Failin"'!
Don't they amount to the same thing?
But the best grade is "Incomplete."
Oh God I can't wait to watch Republicans run away from her like rats from a sinking ship. Her nervous breakdown is inevitable, and its going to be epic.
Or she could beat them. I mean really, the brains & money of the GOP is a minority. The howling fundie/nascar base is the majority within the party. But the important part here is if either side will put party unity first or bail on the Republican party en mass. Well a guy can dream anyway…
Unfortunately, the "howling fundie/nascar base" is not only the majority of the Republican Party, it's also the majority of voters in many states. And they all have just as many U.S. senators as the states with 20 times the population.
She may become so hysterical that the douche who invented facebook redeems himself by banning her. And where facebook goes, twatter is sure to follow.
Or at least that's how it goes here in DustBowlBlues imagination.
Can't simply plug the internet tubes that run to her communication devices?
Unfortunately, only Ted Stevens knows where they are, and he's dead.
Is she buying land in Paraguay?
I predict the other Repub hopefuls will be lining up to apologize to her and dump on the Politico article, just they do every time someone badmouths Karl Rove.
Mitt Romney is no doubt greasing up his nose this morning!
She is disappointed that journalists use unnamed sources because she already studied journalism about when, how, then and whatever, but most of all whom, so that article doesn't, can't educate, it can only really bring her down, like a big lie. Which is why it's a good thing the gamestream media like TLC do not allow unnamed sources, but tenderly and reverently name every edible species in Alaska for 8 weeks, for Freedom and taking things back. And that diploma rocks.
Anonymous sources piss her off unless she is using them in her own books that are ghost written by a mysterious person that knows a sentence MUST have a noun and verb.
Like this Sarah: Bears (Noun) shit (verb), What's a verb? you ask. All action words are verbs. They make writing superb. Hi Ho the Dairy O all action words are verbs.
One of the fist lessons taught at the Palin school of remedial writin'.
Geez. Halloween is over. You can stop scaring us now.
Sarah got mad when, after reading the Politico story, she looked down at her updated Nixon-style enemies list and saw she now had a dozen new entries for "A. Source".
A dozen give or take a few. Sarah didn,t learn the math to good, neither.
(The above sentence typed in accordance with the soon-to-be-released Palin Book of Style and Usage for The Twatter and Facbook)
I taught for a while at the University of Idaho, the last stop in Ms Palin's degree-shopping. Moscow is a lovely town. There are good committed people at the UI. But administration's been a disaster since the 1950s… I mean fuck it, they give all the young Sarah Heaths whatever degrees they'll pay for…
Send a postcard to Strunk and White.
It'll be better than the Velvet Jones School of Technology?
ABC News headline: " Republicans Out to 'Kneecap' Sarah Palin?
Corrupt bastards!
http://abcnews.go.com/WN/vote-2010-election-repub...
Well I assume if you drop out at University of Palin, you're automatically valedictorian.
Half-diplomas are offered, no doubt.
This is a tough call, because Politico really does suck balls.
"You report that facts; you let other people decide what their opinion is going to be."
She's so pointy to include (ostensibly) the Fox slogan in her little witty wordage there. The problem is she included too much: "the facts", and a comment on how people have opinions. Neither of which exist in Fox World.
Yes and it's always so hilarious to have a Fox employee make such a statement; vomit-inducing hilarious, also. Facts in Fox World are super facts so inerrently truthful and factual to even take them in fully has been known to make people's heads explode when Palin speaks sort of like the end of Dogma. Palin fer Jeebus, peoples!
Facts have a well-known liberal bias.
So does the truth, as well as the march of history.
I hate these people. This election is like living in a parallel universe where Idiocracy is a documentary.
Parallel universe? I don't think so!
Plants crave electrolytes.
The thought of the GOP Leadership getting together to stop Palin reminds me of meetings surely held about 75 years ago when Hindenberg and his minsters tried to figure out how to stop the unwashed Austrian housepainter they put on the road to power.
Will there be a class in teenage pregnancy as a political career move?
"Let your cooter lead you up the ladder of success here at Palin U!"
In my mind, I miss Rick Sanchez.
Looking at the command teabaggers have of the language I'll say the Fightin' Grifters of Snowbilly U will petition to change all tenses of "there" to "there". So a new sentence will read: "There going to patriotically kill* over there for Presinet Palin because there so worked up", Hazzah tea baggers!
*Disclaimer: Republicans and especially teabaggers do everything patriotically including leaning over a young woman's head and stepping on it while their vision is obscured by their obese beer belly. Terrorism fer corporate freedom to own us, people!
Tried not to do this but failed. Kipling must not be resisted:
"I keep six honest serving-men
(They taught me all I knew);
Their names are What and Why and When
And How and Where and Who."
The sad part is that Snowbilly doesn't even understand this simple thing, which is the powerful and valuable part of journalism. As for distinguishing between journalism and commentary, rumor and fact, aspiration and accomplishment, notoriety and fame — no chance.
"That facts" is why I aren't had a decent night's sleep since McCangeroo chosed her as a running mate.
What Mcdumbfuck proved by picking her as a running mate was that right wing men think with their dick. He figured… Hey, I'd hit that. I bet other guys would hit that too. And so a right wing running mate is chosen not on intellectual heft but on bust size and having a trick pelvis.
That doesn't explain why his first choice was Joe Lieberman, though.
"Sarah Palin University: Where class is hard to find, and everyone is tard-y."
Not many replies but you are killing on the thumbs.
I just went back and corrected a tiny typo. Do you realize we of the wonkette nation–fuck it, even I can't type that with a straight face–take more care when communicating with a bunch of potty mouthed losers than the teatards do when they write speeches? I mean, of course, twats and status updates, but still . . .
Haha, you are so not alone on that, Dusty B — I go back and fix typos all the time!
And then I worry that everyone noticed what I did or got an email alert about it our something and think that I'm a huge OCD idiot lacking any semblance of a life…which is true, but still.
In looking at the syllabus for Journalism 101 at the Palin University…the reading list for this semester is "all of them".
Ooh, that sounds too hard. Maybe there's a Cliff Notes version of them all.
Well, maybe they can make each other 'disappear'.
"It (the media) doesn't educate anybody. … I'm getting used to it though."
That's kind of the story of Palin's life right there. She has gotten use to being stupid.
If I start a fraternity, can I call it Tappa Kegga Bru?
Hey, I've gotta -56 on one post. Considering the difference in volume of commenters, that would be like -640 for you at Breitbart. You must be losing your touch.
And he certainly likes to touch….
I Phelta Thi
Am I the only one that wishes it was 2012 already? Seriously, can we just skip the next sure to be fucked up year+?
Who better to teach journalism than a person who "reads all the papers."
Let's clarify, she said "anything and everything that's been put in front of me all these years. . ." she was talking about cereal boxes, transcripts of Senator Joe Biden's speeches from the 70's, Red Bull copy, and Bible pamphlets.
Its witchcraft.
Wish I could put musical notes with this. "It's witchcraft, crafty witchcraft and though . . .
Can't remember the rest. Think I'll download it so I can remember this proud election season forever.
Does she also, too give out masters degrees? I could add that to my degree from "The School of Hard Knocks".
She got the idea on her paid visit to College of the Ozarks, the School of Hard Work. Only elites demand accreditation and functional life skills.
You're all laughing now, but wait until this woman wins the Republican nomination. Then you'll really be laughing. Just imagine the possibilities. Televised debate against Hopey the Happy Muslin. Appearance on Colbert Report where not a single handler will clue her in that it's all satirical. Another "gotcha journalism" interview with Katie Couric where Katie asks her to name at least four states, and she responds with, "Any of them. All of them." The naming of Todd Palin as her vice presidential pick, because "I believe in keepin' it in the family, also too!" The comedic possibilities are endless.
well, if she did get the nomination, I think Chuckei K and David Brooks will give it up and gay marry.
I lurve watching David Brooks turn himself inside out and upside down trying to justify the teatards. If this moronic twat is the nominee of his party, he may just say fuck it, go rogue–slug Mark Shields in the face right there onscreen, kick Jim Lehrer in the balls and throw pledge mugs at the camera screaming, "I'm mad as hell–" you know the rest of that line, now that the 'tards have used as mindlessly and endlessly as they do.
Yeah. Some of us put some thought into what we would say, unlike Xtine. What gives Wonkette? Are you a scaredy pants? Fraidy Cat? Pussy Puff Lips? Mango Eating Suck Up? Xtine Bushman?
OT, but the comments section of the Christine O'Donnell informercial fail has been blocked or suspened by the site admin? O'Really?
hotel management
certified public accountant
shrieky grifter
grizzly taxidermy
quitting things
lowering the lowest common denominator
making america dumber
all these skillz and more are at the tips of your fingers when you make clicky on internets to http://www.shriekingbansheehuckster.org.
All assignments will be done by hand — on your hand.
What sort of person with a degree in journalism accepts a paycheck from a network, then goes on that network as a "guest" to be "interviewed" for an infomercial by a host who blends news, opinion commentary and commercials so seamlessly it is often difficult to tell which is which?
Although it is clear it is all crap.
Does GoldLine not hire her because all her fans are broke?
There are no comments on Wonkette.
Sarah "Murrow" Palin's first article will be how to give exceptional head.
http://tinyurl.com/27mv2g9
Rachel just did a rundown on all the shit that Hopey and the Democratic Congress (wait–give me just a moment to savor those words before they enter the non-Texas history books for all time) accompilshed. Tomorrow, I'm going to take a break from serving dinner to dumb okies for the sake of Jesus (Okay. And our church budget) to haul my tired old ass up to the polls to waste my vote in this retarded state.
And Democrats in the developed states like Washington and Wisconsin can't get excited enough about the party to go vote? And Wisconsin–where they could not only vote for a liberal, but a hunky one? What gives? Are we just a bunch of spoiled elitists, after all?
What happened? Did Bristol finally get knocked up on DWTS?
What's with "all of them"?
Isn't that the punch-line for the question in the dirty joke "which one gave you the quarter"?
There is no room in her mind to host an educational institution.
Unless Obamacare gives her a lobotomy.
Rove gave Politico their orders.
Green, were you ever on the ABC News Political Forum?
Yes – but, just as on the old Wonkette, I was "GoinGreen". The new format made me add the "Still".
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