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'What was that thing I say about taxes?'Christine O’Donnell is still lagging in the polls (REALLY?) one day out, so the obvious game-changer this woman needs is to create a half-hour infomercial about herself and buy time to air it on the Hallmark Channel or whatever. Actually, she could only manage to say the same trite thing about taxes for twenty-four minutes, so that’s how long it is. And it is all very touching. Listen to the small-business owner wail about how he suddenly has to pay something called “taxes” on the money his store makes. Watch Christine hard at “work” chatting with 20 voters next to a fake tree in a rundown hotel conference room. Then we spend time with a doctor who will be forced to work at a hospital because of this health care thing, and a farm family who will be forced to sell their land because, again, this whole new “taxes” thing, and who will presumably also be forced to work at this sweatshop hospital that doctor is going to. And then back to Christine, who is yelling at some old people in slow motion. Entertainment!

Obviously, the best part is at 16:00, when we see her get in the car and talk about how great it was that she was just able to go to a campaign event bothering people at a factory, because the people of Delaware need her to do that. “They really take pride in their work and that they, uh, you know, it gives them a sense of, of productivity and worth in the community,” she says, as some depressed old woman puts a jar in a cardboard box. She understands these workers and their pride in their low-income, because she is in the same situation, although her factory produces pure shit, not jars of fruit preserves. Then she makes some dumb, confused remark about a Christmas calendar and turns into slow motion, as if she said something poignant in this minivan.

But of course, you do not clinch a campaign until you’ve featured the man with the electoral Midas Touch, Michael Steele, in your ad. And there he is at the 19:30 mark, so Christine will cruise to a SECOND VICTORY over Mike Castle tomorrow, as she keeps saying. [CBS]

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  • 4TheTurnstiles

    Sitting alone in the den. Watching the eel.

  • Respitetini

    Oh hell. I guess I'll just kinda feel sorry for her until she signs a zillion dollar contract to "commentate" on Fox. Then I'll weep and throw up a little in my mouth.

  • Lucidamente1

    Laugh all you want, but this is only the prelude to her next big career move, a reality show on the state of Delaware for a public access cable station.

  • horsedreamer_1

    Ross Perot demands a royalty on this use of his intellectual property.

    &, damn, now this has me wistful for age 12, & Ross the Boss taking over prime-time to share his pie-charts with… America.

  • edgydrifter

    Even zombie Billy Mays couldn't sell this turd cracker of a campaign.

    • metamarcisf

      I'll bet he could too. "This is Billy Mays with a product I REALLY believe in: O'Donnell for U.S. Senate!" Nope, you're right…

    • HistoriCat

      "I'M BILLY MAYS AND I'M HERE TO TELL YOU ABOUT …" (looks at script) "Really? You guys brought me back from the dead for this? OK"

      "THE NEW CHRISTINE O'DONNELL CAMPAIGN!! DON'T JUST ELECT A POLITICIAN! ELECT THE ONLY CANDIDATE OPPOSED TO … " (very long look at the script) "Masturbation? She's against jerking off? That's not going to sell. Got anything else? Really?"

      "I'M HERE TO TELL YOU THAT CHRISTINE O'DONNELL IS NOT A WITCH!!"

    • JMPEsq

      Maybe she should've brought in the still alive Sham Wow / Slap Chop guy to loudly sell her.

      • GOPCrusher

        VOTE FOR CHRISTINE O'DONNELL AND CHECK OUT MY NUTS!

  • slappypaddy

    i am so fucking glad, or whacking glad, i'm too busy this morning to watch that.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Oh please, 30 minutes? Jesus Christ on a unicycle, Christine, here's a hint: buy 1 15-second spot where you drop your top and shake your moneymakers. Repeat as often as is necessary. Landslide, GUARANTEED.

    • slappypaddy

      your new career as hot-shot political consultant beckons, big boy.

      • elviouslyqueer

        Just doing my part to elevate the political discourse.

    • DustBowlBlues

      Is Christ on unicycle the sign of a more elevated level of exasperation than your more usual Christ in a popsicle stick? The midnight tomorrow night, I cannot imagine what Christ will be mounting.

      Oh, noes. I am going to hell for that comment. After spending my day baking pies for Jesus and all night getting basement ready for the dinner.

    • TakingAmes

      That might affect her credibility as a born-again virgin, though.

  • metamarcisf

    Hey, I'm a big fan of this site. But asking us to watch a 24 minute video of Her Witch-ness when we could be doing something constructive like conflating Laura Ingraham with Laura Schlessinger on Breitbart again, don't you think that's asking for too much?

    • fuflans

      now that I know how hard you work for us, I have to compulsively award you points.

    • BarryOPotter

      "Look at us. Look at what they make you give."

    • Mumbletypeg

      The Laura I. "conflation," as you call it, if I recall correctly, had me crying such tears of laughter that moment, I had to get up from my desk and leave the office — nay, the entire building.

  • SayItWithWookies

    I thought she didn't masturbate.

    • JustPixelz

      I only heard her tell others not to.

  • Did Xtine Kochtease make any statements about her personal grooming?

  • SheriffRoscoe

    Stores make Delaware unique. Message received, Christine.

  • Serolf_Divad

    Video is blocked at work… a fact that kinda makes me want to hug my boss/IT staff.

  • jjdaddyo

    I think I'll pitch a remake of Thelma and Louise with Sarah and Christine. They would fit perfectly in those roles.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      I'd just wait till the DVD came out, and skip forward to the driving off the cliff part.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      I was thinking more along the lines of The Banger Sisters.

      Or maybe Turner and Hootch.

    • DustBowlBlues

      I was thinking they could just start with the car going off the cliff, and then angels would catch them.

  • Eve8Apples

    Ain't no way in hell I'm watching a half hour video of Christine unless it features a broomstick, a bubbling cauldron, satanic chanting, a dildo and a couple of oompa loompas.

    • OneYieldRegular

      I clicked on it at random, and there was a brief scene of Dracula clouds sweeping across a full moon (not kidding). Does that count?

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Also needs to feature the Angry Bush of DelMarVa in a prominent role.

    • PresBeeblebrox

      Needs moar fly agaric.

  • Rosie_Scenario

    Lady Bug, Lady Bug, fly away home. Also.

  • V572625694

    Wonder if that sheltered workshop Xtine visited gets any federal funds or socialist not-for-profit tax breaks..nah, it's pure capitalism!

    And ha-ha: Steele only gets to work on campaigns that are already lost.

  • Not_So_Much

    Unless the footage is of her getting a Brazilian, probably too little too late.

    • deanbooth

      It's showing on Pubic Access.

  • Bonzos_Bed_Time

    After watching that, she's got my vote!

    (Actually didn't watch it)

  • SudsMcKenzie

    "Christine O'Donell's Unaware"

  • MildMidwesterner

    I want O'Donnell to be elected, if only so that Biden can be the "sane" Delawarian in Washington.

  • slappypaddy

    dELawarE!!1!! she re-sEWED HER OWN HYmen!! NEVAHr foGITT!!1!!!!!!

  • Bill Maher has another clip of her from Politically Incorrect (it's on his FB page if you didn't see Real Time this week) in which she says she doesn't celebrate Halloween because the "reality of what's going on out there" on that day is that some people are falling victim to human sacrifices. If you must spend any time watching video of Xtine, that twenty-six seconds says more about her than any 30-minute infomercial. And it's funnier.

    And of course we all know, thanks to Gawker, that Halloween to her means seducing and giving blue balls to closet cases.

    • JustPixelz

      I don't celebrate Halloween either. Except for buying too much candy (don't wanna run out) then eating it before, during and after the trick-or-treaters. Also praying for bad weather so there's more left over for me. I guess that makes me evil. And fat.

  • PsycWench

    I watched 30 seconds (she walks in and out of stores? Shouldn't she, you know, BUY something if she cares about these people so much?) and I decided that I would rather grade essay questions on an freshman psychology exam than procrastinate by watching her video.

    There is no greater insult than "I'd rather grade exams than watch your video". None.

    • x111e7thst

      Hah. I watched 45 seconds and now I would rather grade the essay questions from YOUR freshman psychology class. While someone whacks me with a rubber mallet.

    • walterhwhite

      So, I'd rather beat my head against a wall is too tame?

    • 102415

      It's 30 minutes long right? That is just crazy right there. Only dead people and prisoners are going to be watching anything that fucking long about politics on the day before Nov. 2 nd. Also what is she going to do with the rest of the money the Teabagger fools mailed to her?

    • OneDollarJuana

      She can't buy anything because she would have to pay taxes, thus succumbing to their evil plan.

  • Oblios_Cap

    More proof that she's dumber than a box of hammers. What she needs to do is quit spending that sweet campaign cash so she won't have to get a job after she loses her ass tomorrow.

    Instead, her campaign wastes a wheelbarrow full o' cash producing something nobody will ever watch. Except maybe Jonah Turdberg and Starburst Lowry.

    • Refudiation

      That was sort of what I thought about Sarah Palin when she was being shuffled away from the rejection podium, incoherent scribble notes in hand.

    • Negropolis

      Well, it's not exactly like you can legally use campaign funds for living expenses, though, politicians secretly and illegally do it all the time. Hell, Christine is being actively investigated for just this from a past campaign.

  • BrentKockman

    Christine is that girl that keeps calling you after that first date:

    "oh I thought we had such a great time I really thought you'd call me maybe if I leave you lots of voicemail messages and post on your facebook wall you'll ask me out again!"

    Face it, Christy, Delaware's just not that into you!

  • magic_titty

    Didn't Karl Marx allude to the pride of the proletariat a time or two? Just sayin'….

  • Mindblank

    She'd better quit messing around and get busy with those election hexes.

  • magic_titty

    I'd also like to add there is something very BangBus about that screenshot you've got there.

    • VinnyThePooh

      Step away from the pr0n.

  • PalinPussyPower

    Is she wearing a ladybug costume? Having her bits waxed? Visiting a cosmetic surgeon to have her hymen restored? No? Then I'm not interested in watching.

  • JMPEsq

    So her current strategy of blanketing the Philly airwaves with never ending repetitions of her ads isn't working? Currently her "Coons is the TAX MAN!" ad seems on constantly; although maybe it seems more than it is since switch Coons with Joe Slestak, Dan Onorato or any of several Democratic Congressional candidates and it's pretty much exactly the same as 3/4 of all the other GOP ads on now.

  • metamarcisf

    The house is now accepting wagers on the over/under time limit between the time she concedes tomorrow and the announcement of her first gig on Fox as "special correspondent". The line is now holding at 30 seconds…

    • Fox already has a time slot: the witching hour

    • ph7

      My wish: she becomes a rising star on Fox, to the point where Palin's grift is threatened, causing Sarah to launch the "I made you!" battle royale against Christine for the hearts, penises and pocketbooks of the disaffected teabaggers.

    • PsycWench

      Is the "official" announcement or the unofficial announcement? The official announcement could be delayed by as much as 24 hours, but the unofficial announcement, that is indeed going to be about 30 seconds. Especially if it comes from her rather than Fox.

    • Rotundo_

      Do you suppose that there is such a thing as too dumb for Fox? I know that Xtine is pretty out there, but then I think of Hannity and O'Rielly and think they could probably stretch it out well past Trig territory and hire her sorry ass. She could have the "heretic" of the day and go full Beck with a white board instead of a chalkboard.

    • TakingAmes

      Won't it be part of the concession speech?

  • Boredw/Gravity

    Unless Delaware starts manufacturing Trucknutz and Xtine takes a tour of that factory, I'm not watching.

  • Gopherit

    Sadly, you can only see this rare piece of cinematography online. It seems Christine somehow forgot to buy airtime, leading to a hilarious assortment of tweets:
    http://twitter.com/ChristineOD/

    • SheriffRoscoe

      Now that's funny. She's giving them the benefit of the doubt, that they forgot to air the video….even though she reminded them this morning. Oh Christine, you don't know how the world works at all, do you?

      • HistoriCat

        Seeing how she hasn't held down a real job in years but seems to be doing OK for herself, I would say that she knows how world really works. Fuck that hard work shit!

    • PresBeeblebrox

      This makes for a lulzy narrative, as joy and elation turn into desparation and paranoia.

      # In Delaware, tune in to Channel 28 at 11:30 PM tonight for a look at the unconventional campaign touching Delawareans like no other. #desen

      OK! We're finally getting on the shitty public-access channel! Yay! No more 1980's EGA graphics about Newark's trash & recycling hours. Cool beans!

      # Hear what real Delawareans are saying on Channel 28 at 11:30 PM, then make up your own mind and vote on November 2. #desen about 12 hours ago via TweetDeck

      Hot damn, warm up the Hare Krishna meatballs. Can't wait!

      # 1 minute until the premiere of our 30 minute feature. Tune in to meet all the heart warming people I've met on the campaign trail. Ch. 28 about 12 hours ago via txt

      And now it's time to oil up the broomstick with fly agaric extract!

      # Okay… this is NOT our show! Must be a programming mix up. We will get back to you… about 12 hours ago via txt

      Hey, it's still that Newark recycling program… LOL WUT

      # The Inspiring TV show about Delawareans will air at 10 aam and 3 pm today on Channel 28. Please watch this before you vote. about 2 hours ago via txt

      OK, let's try it again. Forgot to pay Channel 28 last time. Get me more fly agaric extract!

      # This isn't our show either! We are told channel 28 "forgot" to air it…both times… even though we paid for the time slot last week. about 1 hour ago via txt

      FUCK YOU CHANNEL 28! PUDDINCUP IS HEADING OVER!!!11

      # Dirty politics again? I'd like to think the County run station really did just "forget" even though we reminded them this morning. 42 minutes ago via txt

      HA HA! Puddincup figured it out. That same adult Boy Scout who sold his story to Gawker called up Channel 28 and Chris Coons and told them not to run my show. XXVIII CANALIS, ABUENT IN COLUBRUM!!

  • "when I moved here I'd hop on my broom and fly around and visit different towns"

  • Ducksworthy

    Smart of her to plug her future employer KSI in her new add.

  • DustBowlBlues

    The teevee in the family room has finally given up the proverbial ghost and has to be replaced. But not tomorrow. Fuck tomorrow.

    BTW–Why no thread asking the wonkeratti where we're going to be during the coming the coming Apocalypse? Sitting in a bar? Talking about the olden days when a candidate who said social security makes us fat and lazy and should be phased out would be the walking dead. Or one who's response to the largest oil spill in the nation's history would resond, "Shit happens. It's not like it's right to hold the company who is totally responsible responsible." And who knew Republithugs would vote for a witch?

    Or maybe most of the wonkeratti simply don't want to reveal the location of their bunker.

    I, as always on election day, will be working at a church dinner all day (we really need the money now that we lost members because, it turns out, we didn't hate the gayz enough). If I'm raptured up as, as I should be since I'm given today and tomorrow to Jesus, I hope it's not with the Baptists. They suck shit.

    • PsycWench

      After tomorrow: Let's speculate on the length of the honeymoon for the tea party candidates, before their constituents become infuriated upon either a) finding that the candidate has bowed to reality and compromised on some issues or b) the candidate has stalwartly refused any compromise and therefore is getting absolutely none of his/her agenda passed. We may also speculate as to how long it take until there is a 1990's style furlough that pissed off everyone all around but ultimately makes Obama look OK.

      • Chet Kincaid

        Thank you, that's a nice speculative candle to light instead of cursing the Shit & Darkness.

    • Chet Kincaid

      I enjoy your churchified dispatches. Your town sounds like a dusty Lake Wobegon. Do they hate Indians down there as much as they do in the NFC North?

      When I was a kid in the black fundie church my father founded, there was a black family who decided the Lord had called them to go minister unto the Indians in Oklahoma. So they packed up and moved down there. They were living some kind of Walton's Mountain existence on a farm, with no TV or nothin.' I remember when they came back to Cleveland to stump for funds, one of the kids was completely hypnotized by our television, to the point of catatonia. I don't think they ever got much traction with the Indians.

    • finallyhappy

      I am an election judge from 6 am to 9 Pm tomorrow but in a church- a Lutheran church. I don't know much about the Lutherans but I think the religious stuff stays clear of the electorate.

  • Failed_2_Menace

    It is 24 minutes in order to take the place of a syndicated Bewitched. No baby Tabitha in this episode, as Darren has not yet been allowed to close the deal with the missus.

  • I realize that Wonkette performs a valuable public service by posting links to Christine but the summary is even more important.

    I would rather spend an hour on the factory floor of a sawmill without ear protection than hear one minute of her nasal whine.

  • monty4prez

    This video is haunting and not in a good way.

  • HistoriCat

    Time to just rip the band-aid off and get it over with.,

  • elpinche

    I'd rather watch 30 minutes of Cake Boss.

  • Wadisay

    When she goes down to defeat by 20 percentage points in a race that Castle could have won handily, I will believe that God really did tell her to run.

  • Chet Kincaid

    Today we are all mentally and physically challenged factory box-stuffers, patronized by fucking Christine O'Donnell.

  • Native_of_SL_UT

    Do we really have to do this experiment?
    Can't we just point to Mexico and say "See, that's how it will work."

    • natoslug

      Some people are more hands-on with their learning. They need to feel it first-hand. I suppose for the sake of what I assume is a non-teabagger majority in Delaware, we could have a Mexican or Somali exchange program, export one teabagger and import one grateful person of the brown persuasion.

    • MsQuasimodo

      Somalia.

  • Come here a minute

    My favorite part is when the car leaves the road and starts flying through the air, as the next senator from Delaware mumbles under her breath, "Wingardium leviosa." The people of Delaware don't have time for a senator stuck in traffic.

  • marionetta

    *&%# Xtine says.

  • marionetta

    The witch from Wasilla stood Xtine up yesterday: http://www.wdel.com/story.php?id=774844676643

    Two witches fucking is just a dream.

  • MistaEko

    The only 24-minute video with Christine her potential voters would watch would need to be produced by Brazzers.

  • PresBeeblebrox

    At first I thought she was going to go all Barack and go stone cold primetime on ABCBSFOXNBC. Alas, she's relegated to Community Access in New Castle County and WBOC ("Delmarva's News Leader!") downstate.

    I guess her funds are drying up … must be those mailings I get from her EVERY FREAKING DAY showing Chris Coons as, variably, a rubber stamp (srsly, his head makes for a great handle), a greedy tax collector, a thief, Reid/Pelosi's pal, etc.

    Puddingcup/Trig '12!

  • Mumbletypeg

    Sorry to hear COD is so down on Halloween. I only had Palin figured for get-out-the-veto against pagan goodtimes. What negligent campaign management's to blame for not capitalizing on this family tradition/ ritual so popular among Dem's and Repub's both?
    With enough spandex, the two would have made a good dynamic duo — just sayin'.

  • caitifty

    You grade without the assistance of liquor? Ahh, there's your problem then. Some of the grammar even starts making sense after the third glass.

    • PsycWench

      That makes sense, b/c some of them get written after about three glasses.

      • caitifty

        I wish that were the only explanation, sometimes I really do..

  • mereoblivion

    At least she stretched another 24 minutes out of her virginity .

  • Haha, you'd have to break my fucking arms and legs to make me watch that.

  • PublicLuxury

    This woman is like vaginal yeast infection; very irritating, makes your skin crawl, itchy to the point of insanity, with the only remedy being drugs.

    There has to be a way to make this walking abortion gone wrong disappear.

  • elviouslyqueer

    You watched the whole thing, Roscoe? Jeez, you're more in to BDSM than I previously thought!

  • NorthStarSpanx

    “They really take pride in their work and that they, uh, you know, it gives them a sense of, of productivity and worth in the community,”

    Earned sentiments that Christine is unfamiliar with, since she's never had a job or contributed to the community before.

  • Neoyorquino

    Meh. Her voting bloc is easily confused, anway. Apparently they watched the wrong infomercial. Early polling shows an inanimate Sham-Wow! cloth leading by 3points.

  • chascates

    There were far less people in P.T. Barnum's day so we're now at 'a sucker being born every second'.

  • Troglodeity

    She's a natural, all right. Just not a natural politician.

  • Gleem_McShineys

    I just want the slow motion parts to actually feature the audio of her voice slowed down too.

    That should convince people she's not a witch, totally.

  • Gleem_McShineys

    So she's not galloping around town riding a midget wookie bareback (appearing without pants) then? I am not missing much / no one has lost any.

  • finallyhappy

    I thought it was hunan sacrifices- those of us who eat Chinese carry out because we can't cook and give out candy at the same time.

    • Sue4466

      Damn, now I want some Hunan for dinner.

  • PhillipMarlowe6

    Alright, like most, I didn't watch.
    But a comment made mention of her being in a minivan.
    Would that make this a BangBros production???

  • Beetagger

    I expected more dry humping. Fail.

  • Barrelhse

    I couldn't bring myself to watch it, so I'll enjoy the comments from those who risked the chance ofhaving flash-backs or becoming autistic as a result of 20 min. of CO'Dpiece.

  • JustPixelz

    I've said it before: If low taxes are the answer, then Mississippi should be the engine of the American economy.

    I only made it through 0:52. I guess I should "man up" and watch the whole thing, but I think I've heard it before.

    Repubicans blame everything on "high" taxes. A 1% tax increase is called a "job killer". But a corresponding increase in health insurance costs, gasoline, rent (it's too damn high), interest rates, raw materials are just "market forces" which businesses can magically absorb (using witchcraft, I assume). If the tax rate was zero, the stuff would still be cheaper to make in China.

    • Yeah, I keep hearing right-wing whining about how California is so unfriendly to businesses, how the state taxes are too high, and so on. And yet somehow, before this recession, California also managed to be something like the sixth-largest economy in the world. And to my knowledge that's not even counting the drug trade, which of course is tax-free.

  • FlyOverGirl

    "The mainstream media was creating this mis-characterization of who I am."

    Yes, yes they did. With your OWN words.

  • jeje82
  • Negropolis

    Delaware: Forcibly Penetrating Philadelphia and Hiding Corporate Taxes Since 1787.

    Go, Coons, go. Delawarean should welcome their new diminutive, guerilla leftist overlord; I know I will.

  • brendanwynn

    I guess all her personal bills were paid and she had some spare campaign money lying around.

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