Liveblogging the Comedy Central Rally Thing From the National Mall

  satire woodstock

A stage, some people, you get what's going on here.As the world knows, one of those stations on the teevee reserved some of the green areas of the National Mall on which to have a comedy concert thing, and this is happening right now. If you decided you did not want to go to this thing and be forced to stand among the unwashed liberal teevee-watching elites, your Wonkette is now here with LIVE TEAM COVERAGE to accompany you watching this on teevee or your computer or whatever. (And if you are at the rally and somehow reading this, go ahead and tip us at the usual e-mail with whatever odd photos you have taken or with descriptions of whatever weird stuff is going on in the crowd that we don’t see in our Media Bubble.) Currently famed Jimmy Fallon house band The Roots are performing the “pre-show” with John Legend, just as they did at Glenn Beck’s rally, so we guess we should start this liveblog thing.

12:35 PM — It would appear that people are still playing music. Is this why all these people showed up to this event, so they could see the specks that are The Roots half a mile away?
12:40 PM — The music is over and “the MythBusters” are here? To make some announcements? What is this? Everyone in the crowd is like, “This is the wrong teevee channel, you guys.”
12:44 PM — Oh, “the wave,” right. HOW DARE THESE PEOPLE MAKE THE WAVE POLITICAL?
12:45 PM — Entertaining.
12:48 PM — “Give yourselves a round of applause.” Isn’t that always the problem with Daily Show audiences?
12:50 PM — They are commanding people to laugh? What the hell is this?
12:55 PM — Did Obama force them to do this thing, to get the children more interested in learning science than learning political satire?
12:56 PM — Oh, Jon Stewart is here. Dressed as a dad trying to look cool at a funeral.
1:06 PM — There are a lot of people at this thing! It’s true!
1:09 PM — Riley is supposed to be sending in updates of things he has seen inside this crowd. But apparently he has died from witnessing comedy being mixed with politics.
1:14 PM — And 200,000 young people pull out their cell phones to Google “Father Guido Sarducci.”
1:23 PM — So The Roots are just going to stand around back there the whole time? Sam Waterston does look like he could jam with them, though.
1:26 PM — Sam Waterston went and quickly put on a beard and sunglasses and is now playing with The Roots.
1:30 PM — Cat Stevens, Ozzy Osbourne, and The Roots. Who would think they would be the ones RUINING AMERICAN POLITICS together?
1:36 PM — Great performance by those Coors Light jingle writers.
1:44 PM — Timothy Noah is angry that Armando Galarraga is making fun of Teabaggers. Hey pitch, that’s not how you change their political opinions!
1:47 PM — Yes, Riley has almost certainly died. Liveblog ruined.
1:51 PM — Newell notes there are still a whole lot of people trapped on Huffington Post’s buses, which were, umm, very late, obviously. Haha. Whoops:
Fail, or whatever they say on the Internet these days.
1:56 PM — This is all rather entertaining.
2:08 PM — Via Sara Benincasa, people still waiting to get into this thing:
Whoops.
2:15 PM — Yep, there are still a lot of people at this thing, if you were wondering.
2:17 PM — Thank you Kid Rock, who only performs at huge special events with very large crowds, from what we can tell.
2:18 PM — This may be more than 5 minutes of Sheryl Crow. Hurry up and withdraw that permit, NPS! They broke their promise!
2:25 PM — James Urbaniak may have figured out where Riley is: Timothy Noah FREAKED OUT about this rally and KIDNAPPED HIM. Noooooo!
Mea culpa should be up on Slate soon, right?
2:29 PM — Haha, a crowd of hundreds of thousands just applauded Islam on the National Mall. This whole thing was worth it just for that.
2:34 PM — Oh, Riley is alive. Huffington has finally arrived on her bus and walked by him in the press area. “With a crew of goons. What a monster.”
2:42 PM — Uh oh, SERIOUS PART.
2:50 PM — And the “Is Jon Stewart going to run for president?” machine we will have to hear now is starting to howl into gear in the media tent.
2:59 PM — And it’s pretty much over. Have fun trying to get out of this thing, rally goers!
3:05 PM — Stay tuned for more photos and accounts and such of this event from Team Wonkette. Maybe on Monday? Enjoy your Saturday, America.

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About the author

Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

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287 comments

  1. metamarcisf

    Watching from my home in Santa Fe, I'm enjoying the music. But since you are there, maybe you could answer the question that is on everybody's mind. How many people showed up? Ooops, the Mythbusters on are, gotta tell grandpa.

    1. glindsey1979

      NONE. THERE WAS NO RALLY. There isn't even a National Mall. It's all a socialist librul commie-Nazi conspiracy, along with fabrications like "FDR" and "Glee".

      1. imissopus

        Dear Citizen,

        Your comment has been noted and reported to the proper authorities. Please turn off your computer and sit quietly in your living room until the Thought Camp Squad from FEMA arrives.

  2. johnnyzhivago

    No more than 10-20 people there, but the librul media has Hollywood CGI guys make it look like 100,000. You can tell because when you zoom in, they appear to be walking and standing on their own (no scooters, no walkers, no QVC lawn chairs), so they can't be real.

    1. Anthr_DCLwyr3d

      Yep, they are using the same studio in the bottom of the Air & Space museum where NASA faked the moon landing.

    2. nappyduggs

      Yeah, you're right. I was looking at some footage and noticed that most everyone had just the one chin. No sell.

      1. natoslug

        I was just 4 blocks from this comment. Show some respect, lieberal scum!

        Actually, I wish I'd been 4 blocks from the concert (or closer) if Cat Stevens played, especially if he covered his early stuff.

  3. karen

    It actually looks like a decent turn-out.

    No doubt though Beck will be comparing the size of his crowd to this crowd because…well you know…size matters when compensating. I guess if we go by that, he must be compensating for being a dickless wonder.

    1. BerkeleyBear

      There may have been that many people in DC who meant to go, but I'd guess only a few hundred thousand were willing to put up with the crowding and traffic issues.

  4. SexySmurf

    I don't get it. This crowd of 150,000 looks about 10 times bigger than the teabagger crowd of 1.5 million. It's like Michele Bachman lied to me.

    EDIT: Make that about a gazzilion-bazzillion times bigger.

    1. Not_So_Much

      LEAVE MICHELE ALONE!1!!!1!

      Besides, when you're streaming buckets of patriot tears, it distorts things to look much larger/double-vision.

  5. memzilla

    Two of the best signs so far: "Nothing Scares A Zombie — Except Glenn Beck" and "Restore Sanity! More Brains = More Food."

    1. fatoots

      Oh I've seen a few cute gems. My favorite is the one that reads:
      "Birthers for Hawaii's statehood"

  6. Radiotherapy

    Un fucking believable. We couldn't even get on a Metro train at 10 AM this morning from the 2nd stop. I guess the reason they tried to suppress the turnout is because there were be TOO many people. There are tens of thousands of people who can't even get into the city.
    Fuck you Teabag Amerika.
    This is the day of the Libtard.

    1. johnnyzhivago

      The hold up is because Glenn Beck told his listeners to check EVERY attendee against the official list of recently deceased BEFORE they get on the Metro or enter the Mall…

    2. glindsey1979

      That's a liberal lie. The truth is there actually isn't ANY rally going on at the National Mall. In fact, there's NO NATIONAL MALL! A "mall" has STORES. Do you see any STORES? No, I just see a bunch of GRASS. All a giant commie conspiracy.

    3. Jukesgrrl

      Gee, imagine that. Libs will ride a train. Unlike the teatards who believe subways are dangerous — not because of the non-white riders, you understand, just because there's no fried food for sale down there.

      1. finallyhappy

        Haha, we rode the green line- and the red line- both were dangerous- white people with signs~!

        1. BerkeleyBear

          I rode the red line all weekend (I was actually staying over on the NE side of town, over by Galludet and going to meetings at the Wardman Park Marriott) in memory of that Becktards memo. At 10:30, the station was empty but the trains were already packed. By the time I got to the Wardman Park Station the platform was completely full, with hundreds more people giving up rather than wait for trains.

          The rally crowd really was full of sane people – they rode mass transit, dressed appropriately for the weather, and generally sought to "beat the crowd" by showing up and leaving early. What little I was able to witness was awesome.

      2. nachoproblem

        Trains are terrorist. Using anything that somebody else has used or will use is communistic and evil because it threatens our freedoms and undermines somebody somewhere's right to moar money.

    4. Cicada

      I was able to make it, but our friends coming in from Maryland gave up after waiting to get into the Metro station for almost an hour. It was a madhouse.

  7. Ahasuerus

    was going to go to the rally, but the two metro stops I tried to get to were packed — no parking left, lines for blocks. never seen crowds like this for the metro all the way out in the burbs.

          1. OneDollarJuana

            Haven't seen the Mythbusters lately, huh? They like to blow up stuff, not numbers. With lots and lots of C4.

          2. Sue4466

            But the people are usually behind a protective barrier. I'm guessing they're replicate the scene with 150,000 Busters and then blow that up. Or a scale model. Or both.

        1. Gomez571

          But only if the insurance company allows them to do so and always with the proper safety measures. So if they start handing out safety glasses, run.

  8. Banelm

    After the rally, Stewart and Colbert should rush the capitol building, drag the old farts out, and just stone cold start legislating some shit.

    1. Kevin Stowell

      Being sequestered there, in the Blood of Christ Mountains, I can understand how you might not have received word that Hendrix is dead. In fairness though, it's not hard to find a tie-dyed t-shirt or a book on Marx in a city where the 60s never really went away, thanks to retreads from my generation and their kids who never learned to "progress."

      To denigrate the National Anthem, as one's merit badge of progressiveness, I would think think you'd refer to someone who hasn't been dead since 1970. Thoughtful people might say that defining progress as identifying with people, places and things from the 60s; rejecting all things moral, ethical, logical, patriotic, etc.; and lauding a loser who died from a drug overdose is, essentially, the definition of backward.

      Like the old saying goes: "Those who liked the 60s either don't remember them or weren't there." My guess is you weren't even alive then, Devo. The 60s still raawwwkkkk, Dewd! Bwa ha ha ha ha! Got regress? Fourty years of hanging on to the past and counting . . .

      1. Carrabuda

        That's rich, from someone who apparently sides with those who want to go back to the "original Constitution." Talk about living in the past.

          1. Kevin Stowell

            My keyboard won't last long enough for me to educate you on what is wrong with what you said. Besides, I already reared my kids.

            There wasn't anything particularly intellectual about your either of your posts either so, get over yourself. I'm sure you count intellectual talk as that being crotch-oriented but, as delightful as that isn't, that gets old after a while.

  9. neiltheblaze

    HA HA Teatards – we can fit more people in the Mall because we aren't all using mobility scooters and oxygen tanks!

    1. memzilla

      Unlikely. The Tea Klux Klanners' Hoverounds are already too near their load-bearing capacity to carry much more in the way of an explosive payload.

        1. OneDollarJuana

          Hey memzilla and Fare la Volpe! Are you guys brother and sister or sumpin'? Your avatars are so similar!

  10. glindsey1979

    This rally CAN'T be larger then Becky's rally no matter what the laws of physics say because freedom.

    1. Negropolis

      Almost. This rally can't be larger than Becky's rally no matter what the laws of physics say because JESUS. JESUS + NOTHING!

    2. JustPixelz

      CBS (lame), CBC (lamer) and Mythbusters (!?) estimate 200-250K sheeple. CBS said Beck had 87K, though Michele Bachmann said he had over a million.

      The Beck group was older and — no doubt — from out of town. And I think they viewed it as an obligation to show their support for restoring honor. (I am in favor of honor, and the Bush epoch certainly left it in need of restoring.)

      The sanity group was younger and came to laugh, which is an easier sell.

      Nevertheless, nice to see a large group of non-pissed-off Americans for a change.

      1. BerkeleyBear

        Younger isn't exactly right – there were plenty of people in their 40s and up. And some (the people protesting stoning for ex) were pissed off, albeit in a focused way. But almost to a one they were more thoughtful than the crowd at the Beck rally.

        Crowd size estimates on this one are going to be meaningless because huge numbers of people came in, listened to a relatively short part of the event and then went to the Smithsonian or other landmarks. It was more like a block party than a classic rally. And that's a good thing.

  11. seppdecker

    Jonah Goldberg's mouth must be watering at the thought of leading a line of scooters across the Mall in a Tolkien-esque cavalry charge.

    Of course, Jonah's mouth is always watering.

    1. Numbat_Dundee

      Funny you shtarted ould say that. I just finished marking tests by some particularly dim students, one of whom seems to think the Vietnam War started with an incident in the “Gulf of Tolkien”.

    1. Troubledog

      Krauthammer, dressed in his M. Bison Street Fighter red leather jumpsuit, watched from his airship at a safe distance.

      Waiting. Patiently waiting.

    1. Cicada

      I've heard that happens quite frequently to the morbidly obese. Don't worry, you can have the paramedics cut you free and they can do skin grafts from the yards of excess skin making up your jowl flaps. Ain't modern medicine grand?

  12. gawainsbelt

    The medium is the message! Comedy and music bring people together with no agenda. Brilliant — a significant event in recent history.

  13. Sue4466

    A friend reports there are counter-protests against a rally for sanity. Gotta wonder what their signs say.

      1. slappypaddy

        wow. i haven't seen that in decades.

        now i've got that tune stuck in my head, thank you very much.

        papoon, papoon for president,
        because he's not insane.

        time to get down to clarence despairs' house of bad breaks for some red beans and reds.

    1. Refudiation

      I saw one sheepish looking fat dude holding a "Unite or Die" flag next to one of the hot dog stands. I thought he was taking some sort of dig at Rick Perry, but maybe not.

  14. fatoots

    The NYT Caucus is also live blogging this, and he is being such a bitter wet blanket. Much like how the rest of the "lamestream media" tried to over analyze this to death. Jealous much?? Douchbags have no sense of humor. Even my 13 and 15 yr-olds are digging this, they get the joke.

  15. imissopus

    Gotta say, Colbert presenting the Medal of Fear to a seven-year-old girl on behalf of those news organizations was great. Particularly, in ABC's case, in light of the news this morning that they have signed Breitbart to provide election night analysis on Tuesday.

    1. kenlayisalive

      Really? Hooooly shit.

      How many times does someone have to be caught straight up lying and sending his pimp suit goon squad out to tap Senator's phones before you get removed from civil society?

      Nevermind that he dry humpped Our Dear Reilly. Can someone please exile this Dr. Moreau's half-man half-cow-anus back to the internet please?

      1. imissopus

        'Tis true. I heard it last night and didn't believe it, but it's happening. ABC News: If You Must Shred Your Last Ounce Of Credibility, Why Not Do It With A Bang?

      2. not that Dewey

        How many times does someone have to be caught straight up lying and sending his pimp suit goon squad out to tap Senator's phones before you get removed from civil society a gig at ABC news?

        There, fixed.

    1. glindsey1979

      I don't know, I think it's entertaining. It's sort of like a USO show. Or so I've heard. Okay, seen on M*A*S*H.

    2. Rasvar

      The fact that it is unpolished and not taking itself seriously seems to be the whole point. This is more what America is. A bunch of goofy people trying to have a good time. Sounds like the America I want to deal with and not the Beckian end of the world America.

      1. Sue4466

        I agree. It's got a goofy sweetness that just makes me smile. Sorry to be serious, but really, this kind of stuff gives me hope that America isn't completely full of mean-spirited assholes. And that the definition of being "American" isn't completely controlled by the right.

    3. fatoots

      I think at least they are being humorous at acknowledging what ends up falling flat. My kids are actually laughing at a lot of it. And my hubby who doesn't regularly follow politics and TDS also laughed at a lot.

    4. BeWoot

      The Kid Rock/Sheryl Crow part was lame in the extreme. And the first 40 minutes felt like hours. Other than that, it was pretty damned good. I thought.
      Do with they'd asked somebody good to beef up the music, though. Springsteen, maybe? Or surely there is somebody the kids like who doesn't suck …
      (Also, more Asif and Oliver would have been nice. And there's no such thing as too much Larry Wilmore. )
      In any case, wish I'd been there, Kid Rock or not.

      1. SimonGirty

        Guess it's like the famous Wiemar Republic 'Prevent Fascism' rally of '33… Thank goodness most of these perky, smiling petit-bourgeois white folks won't actually have to actually face what's coming after Nov 2nd, when we're all 1099'd out of our Social Security, Worker's Compensation, Unemployment, Medicare; and the first time we protest, the Oath Takers shoot us all down with the weapons we bought 'em… Well, nice to see Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Yusuf, Mavis and the O'Jays once more on TV.

      2. LetUsBray

        "(Also, more Asif and Oliver would have been nice. And there's no such thing as too much Larry Wilmore. )"

        Truth.

      1. SimonGirty

        No, I honestly didn't have any idea just how they'd bring together a moderating balance of galvanizing voices, in support of President Obama's valiant fight to restore the nation's solvency, sanity and ensure our future… let alone how to make it all funny, laid-back enough to attract the disenchanted, hearten those feeling left behind or abandoned, since the uphill struggle has so far to go; to bring together Jon's hipster fan base and DC folks who've suffered through 30 years of the Neo-Fascists wandering about their town. But I guess it's simply not allowed here to say several of my friends (we didn't see any of you being tased or maced alongside us decades ago) felt a sense of real disappointment and, dare I say it, foreboding at what's to follow.

        1. CrankyLttlCamperette

          Oh dear. Over-serious Troll is over-serious.

          First of all, if you thought that this was an endorsement of Obama and his "valiant fight" well, I'm afraid you were a bit mistaken. It was meant to be entertaining. If you were there and didn't feel a little bit heartened by the large numbers of people who turned out in support of more moderation in the political discourse, well then, I'm afraid you might have taken up residence at one of the extremes of the political spectrum that this event was organized against.

          And hell, at times it was even funny. But maybe that means I'm just not as enlightened and esoteric a soul as thee.

          1. SimonGirty

            Just in case you're really serious? This is from a newspaper owned by Richard M. Scaife: http://www.pittsburghlive.com/x/pittsburghtrib/ne… Protesting this type of thing (kids forced to drink radium flavored fracking fluid from 4,000 new wells in 2008) got a whole bunch of us moderate, non-political and quite witty citizens spied-upon by an Israeli anti-terror agency… our taxes paid for this. For anybody to feel vaguely disappointed in an absolutely brilliant set of folks (yes, from a major corporation) because the writing lacked the expected spark, does not really make anybody a dangerous extremist, do it? Could we get back to funny now? Please?

        2. Ducksworthy

          I occasionally use this wonkette to vent, hopefully with some humor in keeping with the sense of the place, about the rancid stupidity of my fellow Merrikans. And I too am about done with civility. But the wonkette is mainly a way for most of use to look at the political horror show and laugh about it. Of course, its only Monday. By Wednesday this may have turned into a hot bed frothing Trotskyites fomenting armed insurrection.

          1. SimonGirty

            Thanks bubba… at least one somebody actually fucking read WHY I (and at least seven people who's opinion I respect) felt kinda let down by Jon's Rally. The attendant AUDIENCE has really cheered a lot of us up though, just hope they manage to wake up by fucking Tuesday though? That at least a 1/4 MILLION folks obviously looked forward to the rally, expected something that even working-class white folks in Arkansas could watch and think… just fucking THINK, is a blast though! I work around fucking racist, wetbrain, crankhaid, Nazi worshiping 'baggers and they constantly turn down their fucking Stormfront bands to mention some cool or hip thing Lewis Black or Wanda Sykes said on fucking Viacom… There's a fucking LOT of people who watch The Daily Show who're NOT the sniveling, petulant, MDMA fried GenX bitches herein who seem to've missed the gist of the Rally's message… Looking forward to seeing some of these folks when we're faced by mini-gun totting, electrified Unimogs fulla born-again skinhead OathBreakers in a few years…

      1. SimonGirty

        Tell me again just exactly how feeling greatly disappointed in a Viacom TV show (due in part to my appreciation and great respect for John Stewart and his various production teams over the years) inverts a person's strident leftest, anti-fascist, anti-Dominionist political convictions?

    1. horsedreamer_1

      Bob Ritchie, son of a Cadillac dealer, gun-toting Republitard from Warren, MI, at a LIEbrul rally?

      Guess he's either trying to make amends with Eminem, or Rick Rubin got to more than just his music.

  16. edywin2

    And now….the laughter is being strangled…..a picture of Nixon in the background and a rabid badger joke….the humor heartbeat is waning….and making up words…..ok…..now back to the the Caddyshack on TBS….hahahaha now thats funny!

  17. Lucidamente1

    I await the release of Riley's hostage tape: "The concern trolls are treating me well. Death to Wonkette."

  18. edywin2

    Ahh….Lew Alcindor….hahahah look that one up on your Google app kids! Now he is funny, and kicked Bruce Lee's ass once.

      1. di_da_is_alpha

        Hey, maybe he meant "Peter's pan", referring to Fonda's panhead in Easy Rider. I've always though the Cap'n America bike was too gaudy. Hopper's clean chopper was much better.

  19. JackObin

    Where the hell is Lee Greenwood? And what about the Ann Coulter/Pugsly Limbaugh nude break dance? Very disappointed.

    1. V572625694

      And man, can that old (84) dude sing — one toot on the pitchpipe and he just belts it out, no quaver, right on key, big finish.

  20. JoshuaNorton

    I dunno. The Beck Scooter Brigade may have drawn a larger crowd, if you go by overall tonnage.

  21. MarcelleMarceau

    Regarding the MythBuster's wave: Doubtless they'll count the number of hands raised across the Mall per second, multiply by the time for the wave reach the back, divide by two and joila! Accurate attendance.

  22. Rasvar

    Stewart hit probably one of the best speeches that Washington D.C. has seen in a couple of decades. It was a good way to finish up. It is a shame that it will be lost on all the nutjobs in the media and on the political left and right. I think the fact that the media starts to talk about "Jon Stewart for President" shows how clueless they really are about all of this. This was more of a political version of the Rodney King can't we all just get along plea but in a much more articulate way. I am sure the actual message for all this flew over all the political pundits head at 35,000 feet because they can't understand the concepts.

    1. carlgt1

      I would have thought (hoped) at least that this rally and the "mainstream" coverage, coupled with the news that Breitbart will be an ABC political analyst on election night, will finally lay to rest the myth of the "liberal media"?

  23. Push_Harder

    Are they going to have a head stomping contest? I hear they're quite popular among some circles.

  24. SexySmurf

    I can't wait for Spike Lee to make a movie about a group of liberals stuck on a bathroom-less HuffPo bus.

  25. edywin2

    What? We can't see the jam, and we have to watch an Axe commercial? Well, shows over folks, nothing to see here, move along now….Any liveblogging the afterparties?

    1. V572625694

      Another casualty in the Global War on Terriers. The man was a menace!

      If I ever lose my legs, I won't moan and I won't beg…

    2. DoktorZoom

      One of the last times Dennis Miller was funny was his "Weekend Update" bit after Cat Stevens Yusuf Islam endorsed Khomeini's fatwa against Salman Rushdie: "I'm being followed by a big Muslim, big Muslim, big Muslim…"

  26. fuflans

    well that was fun. good work comedy central.

    now for sharron angle and rand paul on wednesday. the comedy cycle will continue.

  27. Monsieur_Grumpe

    Stewart gave a good speach, Ozzie and Cat together, a whole shit load of happy people jumped up at the same time, the guy who saved a Koran from being burned by an asshole got a medal. Good times.

  28. Radiotherapy

    If a million people show up on the Mall and there no MSM coverage, did it happen?

    Was it funny enough for you Timothy Noah-itall?
    Maybe you could check with that mentor of yours that I've never heard of before……for some buttsecks.

    1. LetUsBray

      "If a million people show up on the Mall and there no MSM coverage, did it happen?"

      Ask all the people who went to anti-war rallies before the invasion of Iraq.

  29. glamourdammerung

    I did not watch any of this, but I hope they managed to find someone to dress up like a pimp to add the necessary gravitas for the media.

    1. not that Dewey

      I can't decide which is best. I'm torn between "I'm using my Inside Voice" and "Gay Bearrorist". Help me out.

      1. HurricaneAli

        I dunno, still looking at them. But I do like the guy dressed up as Lincoln with the sign, "Christine, I Vote and I Masturbate."

  30. Blendergoathead

    I was actually worried that the Colbert "coming out of the mine" stunt was going to go badly, judging from the looks on the faces of the orange-vested "safety crew."

    But I saw no nipple, so I won't be filing a complaint with the FCC.

  31. lowaltflier

    I'm not the type to be on the computer and watch TV at the same time. So I just came back to say I loved the show.

  32. Radiotherapy

    This will be funny watching the media trying to ignore such an event.
    This just off yahoo: Comedy Central's park permit anticipated a crowd estimated in advance at 60,000.
    Haha, there were 60,000 who couldn't even get on a Metro train.

  33. chickensmack

    Kid Rock. I guess that was Jon Stewart's sop to the conservatives, since they love the talentless hack so much.

  34. DCHatesMe

    Now all these people with signs and costumes have to sit on the Metro together. Haha, sanity is over-rated.

  35. fuflans

    i find it interesting that i can't find any media references to the main rally point that the media is distorting and hurting america (except briefly in NY Times).

    i wonder about this lapse on the part of the media.

    1. natoslug

      How many were at Beck's Scooterpalooza? It'd be interesting to know whether hatred and xenophobia are a bigger draw than humour and sanity.

  36. Jukesgrrl

    Is Riley still missing? I blame Brightfart. HE COULD BE A SEX SLAVE!!!! Somebody call Mariska Hargitay!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  37. Hello !

    Guido Sarduci asking God to show a sign when the true religion was named was a highlight for me. Must be Druidism, since that didn't get mentioned.

    Eat that, Beck!

  38. An_Outhouse

    Arianna Huffington is always to person showing up as the last guest leaves and you're turning off the lights. I would never go anywhere with her.

    1. HurricaneAli

      I think she was on Shouty McShoutshout's show the other night and CLAIMED to be getting on the bus at 5:30 in the am.

  39. natoslug

    If it'd been a Wonkette sign, it would've read "This fucking sign is spelled correctly, too also." Personally, I was hoping for a simple "It's all about the buttsecks."

  40. finallyhappy

    WE saw a teabagger -dressed in a bad "patriot" costume with a Say No to Obamacare sign- unless that was supposed to be a joke

  41. Pragmatist2

    Every time I see Arianna Huffington I think "Lady Gaga without the actual talent " Has she actually ever done anything other than divorce well and major in self-promotion?

    1. carlgt1

      well I thought hers was a story of redemption, i.e. conservative shill who discovers that the little people really do matter?

      1. Pragmatist2

        Honestly I don't think so. I think the rightwing didn't pay any attention to her so she shifted allegiance. Half the stories on the HP are about her and the other half are dreck written by her B List friends. I think she is in it for the fame.

        1. DashboardBuddha

          One of the worst (best?) days for getting my comments on HuffPo deleted occurred when there was a "story" about some appearance by Tony Robbins (i.e. one of his seminars or maybe it was a tv show. I don't care enough to look.). I guess the goderators there had their giant within break through and press the delete button.

          1. Pragmatist2

            That's another thing about her – post an even mildly critical comment abut her on HP and it disappears in a nanosecond. Doubt it? Try it out.

    2. An_Outhouse

      I picture all her buses arriving as the crowd is leaving, she gets off first and says "have fun. I'm off to a dinner date with the Ambassador from Slovenia and two hedge fund managers. Toodles". She completed her volunteer service with the little people and now needed to laugh about it with her 'friends'.

  42. archikvetch

    My favorite poster: "I masturbate and I vote!"
    Entire event: Post-humor and Post-politics. We need one of those pointy headed frenchies like like Leopard or Bernie Henry Levis or Rollie Barfs or Bodiddlylard or to make sense out of the whole shebang!

  43. SheriffRoscoe

    Hey, Asswipe! Where were you when Dubya and Cheney started that pre-emptive war that would pay for itself, but instead became a super massive black hole of idiocracy and crushing debt? Were you on the rah-rah squad at that time? Fuck the deficit, deficits don't matter according to Ronnie Ray Gun and Dickless Cheney. What we want to do is act like buffoons and kill brown people!

    God, you shit-eating cousin fuckers are stoopid.

    1. SimonGirty

      Yoo hoo… Mr. brain-damaged person. I think you might just have the wrong person? Put down that ether and crankpipe and try read very carefully to cipher-out why a few actual progressives and, god-forbid, leftists who have actually work alongside working-class people (who's entire planet's been ravaged by the very people they continue to vote into office… well except when the monsters are simply installed, like W.) And yet again: like when Nixon got a fucking landslide; when the worst asshole in American history (since Jackson) beat Carter (who'd have us rich right now, selling PV to the Germans and Chinese; windmills to the Russians and British; Biomass diesel plants to Africa and South America and Cold Fusion Nuclear plants to everybody right now.) What did these elections all have in common? Smug, snide, NPD ridden, silly-ass little self-obsessed, didactic petit-bourgeois rich bitches not noticing how counterproductive their projection, callous specious assumption, baseless non-sequitors and generally facetious demeanor actually helped put the Reagan in office in the first place. I loved to watch Jon's show as my basic TV news source during Dubya's hellish Theocratic Kleptocracy. John walked a very fine line; where, yeah you knew he didn't really believe the couple bones he threw in to satiate the Falangists in his audience… but it seemed almost sweet and understandable that he'd actually bother. As Cheney parted-out the oldest surviving Federal Republic to line his friend's pockets and hopeless American kids were sent by their parents to kill folks defending their (American installed or backed) petty dictators or maniacal madmen jihadists, so Halliburton, KBR, BP could steal their oil and poppies to sell to the world for the benefit of the 403 billionaires now in the US… and those overseas, like the News Corporation's owners.) Jon's show would somehow manage to find and disclose actual news stories, totally neglected or spun 180 degrees by the other news sources. The worse and worse CNN, NBC, CBS, ABC… got; it didn't matter… because Jon's show was actually doing better journalistic coverage of stories gleaned from foreign agencies and blogs like this, that compelled grudging treatment by the others. That's why some of us were disappointed in the Rally. Not just because some black folks felt, here we go again; because some working-class whites saw immediately the deepening rift between the left and the wishy-washy self serving, Cayenne-schlepping liberals; but because we actually hoped for the lovely little speech he gave at the end to be preceded by something that would actually affect a few of the races here and there. That this was the last big thing before the election to show the difference between us and the Bible-thumping Nazi vermin we're up against… and it weren't shit.

        1. SimonGirty

          Quick, who's quote: “The man who listens to Reason is lost: Reason enslaves all whose minds are not strong enough to master her”

  44. not that Dewey

    Chris Jansing on MSNBC just claimed that there were "tens of thousands" in attendance. I suppose that is true, in a way, just as the Earth is "dozens of feet in diameter".

  45. Crank_Tango

    Look fuckstick, I could not possibly give less of a shit what the fuck quotes you spew or what side you purport to be on.

    But here is a quote for you: "Say what you got to say, that's all, then shut yo' dang pie-hole."
    Mr. T

  46. kapish

    I really enjoyed the rally – in spite of too much contrived schtick between Colbert & Jon for my taste. Jon's message was right on. It was great to see Mavis Staples again. When Jon Stewart said there would be one last song, I knew it would be the Staple Singers' "I'll Take You There". I used to go to hear Mavis sing in church with her family (The Staple Singers) when Mavis was still in her teens. She still sounds great.

  47. user-of-owls

    I missed the whole shebang, but I infer from the comments that:

    -the rally was organized by anarchists
    -there was a disturbing number of self-propelled humans actually behaving like bipeds
    -Tony Bennett sang the Horst Wessel Lied

    Is that about right?

      1. finallyhappy

        No way was it overwhelmingly male- except for the performers. I guess the best solution she has is to make up crap about the rally

  48. SheriffRoscoe

    Look, dude. Don't come in here and post links to HumorlessLiberal dot com, or whatever the hell that article was supposed to be. And your original post, which I just happen to have gone back and reread (to make sure I got every laugh that you packed into it,) remains barren of inspired, clever wit. The last thing those of us who enjoy reading Wonkette want is for it to become a "mom's basement" of boring, dull, annoying quasi-liberals.

    If you thought the Sanity Rally was a flop, then go ahead and leave a comment, but try harder next time. "…Is it just me, or is this embarrassing and pathetic mess bringing anybody else down?…" If you'd gotten in the word 'poop' somewhere, you would have totally rocked, but instead you just sucked.

  49. CrankyLttlCamperette

    Having had the great joy of blowing out my knee last week, I hobbled my way to the ADA section so as not to stand for the whole time. Total scooter count: 6 (yes, I counted). And the scooter-riders all had some kind of obvious disability that plainly necessitated scooter usage. And not a single Double Down to be seen…

  50. Crank_Tango

    ZZzzzZZzzzZZzzz… right back at you, you boring fart-sniffing fuck. take it over to huffpo where you belong.

  51. Chet Kincaid

    Reading the summaries of the MSM "reviews" of the event and Stewart's closing speech, it's the same tone-deafness as after Colbert at the Correspondent's Dinner: they just don't get that they're the butt of the joke and the ones in need of an ass-kicking for a performance review.

  52. Chet Kincaid

    Stewart's speech was very moving, and I understand the impulse to bring down the level of name-calling and demonization. There doesn't seem to be much useful purpose in the Olbermanns and Ratigans of the world descending to the same level as the Becks and Hannitys. And his critique of the media, who don't seem interested in pursuing and determining actual facts, was perfect.

    But the important part, and the logical conclusion, is that if the media actually did pursue the truth, the teabaggers and wingnuts would be determined to have no credibility nor much sanity. And it would be hard to treat them with civility or elevate their malarkey to the level of a "debate" if the media did their job and exposed them for what they are.

    Is the idea that you have to bring down the level of vitriol before you can bring people around to the idea that some of the people in the "debate" don't have their marbles? That's noble and all, but I think Stewart makes the same mistake as our Barry in that regard: there has to be a timely and decisive understanding of when "come now, let us reason together" no longer works.

    And I also believe Stewart creates the same kind of false debate he criticizes the media for, if he is suggesting that there is an equivalent amount of insanity on "both sides." It's not like there were a bunch of signs from "sane conservatives" criticizing "insane liberals" out on the mall. Or was taking that stance the price of trying to get his message out through the MSM? If so, they don't seem to be listening.

    1. imissopus

      One of the problems here is that the media now includes Fox News, which pumps up the ridiculous malarkey and the more the rest of the media ignores all the bullshit on Fox the louder the right wing screams, the harder they disbelieve anything the allegedly liberal MSM says. In other words, how do you have a debate when both sides can't even agree on what constitutes reality?

      Remember during the healthcare debate, when Obama spoke at some Republican House caucus lunch in Baltimore and told them that if they were going to continue to characterize HC reform as a Bolshevik plot, than they were leaving themselves very little room to maneuver? Well, they kept up with that line and it seems to have worked, at least enough to get them the House back this Tuesday.

      This is all a way of saying I think you're spot-on, and I despair that anything can be done about it.

      1. GOPCrusher

        The one that burns my butt, is Mitch McConnell comes out and publically states that he is going to use the next two years to do whatever it takes to make sure that Obama is a one-term President.
        Really, Yertle The Turtle? I don't remember you showing any level of sackatude even as recently as this summer. Now you want to get all bad ass?

  53. nachoproblem

    So in your mind, funny means impenetrable loquacious ramblings about your agenda? Good to know, because we can safely ignore it then.

    Must've sucked to find out this rally was not all about you, eh.

    1. SimonGirty

      Shit, you mean it ain't Jonathan Stuart Leibowitz what wuz goin round VEETnam on his liddle plastic swifboat a'whuppin, an a'shootin, an' a killin every 'Merikan in sahyts? You don't think it's the hair thing that confused me, do ya?

  54. MrsBiggTime

    Maybe you should have made the Chicago satellite rally. High point was when the MC cut the feed from DC so the crowd could watch some lame musicians called BC. Crowd reacts (boo!) and then Scary Security Lady get on stage and calls the crowd "rude fuckers" who should have been nicer to the lame musicians and bloggers on stage, because there were children there. Just for fun on the way home we stomped the shit out of some wino on Michigan Avenue, because he was obviously insane and we were, after all, restoring sanity.

  55. nachoproblem

    At least it proved what it says on teh Facebooks: This pretzel can get more fans than Glenn Beck.

  56. hooray4anything

    They'll probably do what they usually do with Stewart and pretend to be "hip" to it and laugh along with it and then get back to doing everything that he makes fun of. Except this time they might ruffle his hair a bit and tell him how cute he is. Followed by a five minute discussion on how it's bad news for Democrats

  57. BarackMyWorld

    Not that Crossfire wasn't terrible, but in its defense….at least it got people with differing opinions to talk to each other and appear on the same show. Nowadays you can't even get them on the same network.

  58. axmxz

    Conquer what, though? The cable news networks are dividing amongst themselves an ever-shrinking pie. The average age of their viewers is over 60.

  59. Sue4466

    Maybe Crossfire was better than what's going on now, but that's saying vey little. Shows like Crossfire helped create the perception that there are always exactly two sides to every issue, no more and no less. One is the liberal position; the opposite of that is the conservative one; never the twain shall meet. Both "sides" are equally valid and entitled to be aired without any fact checking or editorial judgment while so called journalists stand on the sidelines wondering "if only there was some group whose job it was to report on facts so people would know whether one side is right or telling the truth." Instead, the win goes to whoever shouts the loudest. Mr. Hannity, meet Mr. Colmes.

    Crossfire was a precursor to today's mindbending stupidity and helped usher it in. I'm glad it's dead, just wish it had died sooner.

  60. BarackMyWorld

    That was really well put.

    All I am saying is that I'd rather live in a world with "Hannity and Colmes" than just "Hannity," but I'm also glad those are not the only two choices.

  61. Neilist

    Sue4466:

    You Communist Liberal Pinko SKUM VIXEN!

    Marry me, and bear my children.!!

    Together we can raise a whole litter of irritating, irascible, heavily armed little Assholes!!!

    Neilist
    A Man In LOVVVVVVVVVEEE

    P.S. Unless you're a guy, that is. None of that homo stuff for Neilist.

    P.P.S. Well, unless you're a Lipstick Lesbo with a hot girlfriend who likes threesomes. One must be reasonable about these things.

  62. Sue4466

    I get that. This is just a subject that drives me batty. Stewart has been providing a model for what journalists should actually be doing for years now and they still don't get it. I think Brian Williams is a likable guy, but a month or so ago he actually said in a profile about Stewart that journalists admire Stewart's ability to do what he does. Well, why the fuck aren't journalists like Williams doing the same thing, albeit without the humor? What, if only they had nightly tv shows they could get it going? Several years ago Stewart told a group of journalists his "trick" to catching politicians in lies: an intern, a stack of video tapes, and a vcr.

    They could do it, they chose not to. My guess is it's to avoid upsetting their access even though access serves no journalistic purpose when it is valued over actual reporting. Instead, they just transcribe two opposing opinions and call that news. So everything is a matter of opinion and nothing is true. That a so-called fake news show gets this and "real" journalists don't is appalling. That people keep tuning in as if it is news is even more so.

    Sorry, jumping off soapbox now.

  63. Sue4466

    I don't think it's (just) about ratings. I think it serves political and corporate interests to keep people distracted and fighting over things that really do little to affect their lives (whether two guys get married) and also to keep them ignorant of what the facts really are. And news has fallen more and more under corporate control. How about a news story–on the teevee not just in newspapers or magazines–about how hard it is to get by on the minimum wage, how layoffs cause a surge in stock prices, how jobs were cut at rates higher (even double) the losses in productivity and that now that profits are up the jobs still aren't coming back (workers are being asked to do more and businesses are holding onto profits giving lie to the idea that they'd create more jobs if they just had more money, i.e., tax cuts); what happens in labor markets that don't have a minimum wage, or what it's really like to do work as a migrant farm worker. Colbert covered migrant farm labor on his show as satire, but it also included some revelations for some people. He appeared before Congress and the media didn't cover the substance of what he was talking about or the "Take Our Jobs Please" program, it was all a story about how whether Colbert's appearance marred the dignity of Congress (as if), whether he was sufficiently serious or unserious. And then back to some more stupid shit Jan Brewer or Sharon Angle or some other right wing asshole said about undocumented workers paired with statements by MALDEF and others in response. The story about Meg Whitman's housekeeper exposes her hypocrisy and her heartlessness, but a story about what happens in deportation proceedings, the absence of real due process, would be a story that actually informs people about what's going on. That was covered in The Nation, but it sure would be nice if we could inject some, uh sanity?, into cable and nightly news.

    But we don't get those stories because (a) it costs more to do real journalism; (b) "journalists" are so worried about being called liberal and facts have a liberal bias; (c) they don’t want to cause any disruption to their access by actually calling people out, (d) every "news" story is really just a story about politics so only political opinion matters, and (e) these types of nonstories serve a larger purpose of keeping people distracted and uninformed so we’re fighting amongst ourselves and not noticing as our government begins to run for corporate and monied interests. It’s always been about that, but journalists were supposed to be on the side of exposing it.

  64. Neilist

    Gesh.

    If anything that ASSHOLE Neilist said is best you've gotten this week, you need to circulate with a different class of people.

    Or get a gun.

    What to borrow one of mine?

    :::Fondling M-16 in what is clearly a subliminal mating gesture:::

    (Not a homoerotic one, though. None of that stuff . . . unless we're talking about a Heavily Armed Lipstick Lesbo, that is.)

  65. Carrabuda

    I've got another reason the media don't rock the boat: Their bosses don't want the controversy. These news shows (which, if popular, can be re-aired) are now commodities, with ad rates the equivalent of a trading price. The network bosses want to keep their ad rates high, so they dare not offend advertisers; consequently they make "harmless," brainless segments that can't come close to blurting out the real facts. (This is why there are so many pop-culture "news" shows – it's the perfect distraction from Real News.)

    I used to be a megacorp journo, and the avaricious timidity of my corporate overlords just kept on astonishing me. (I have seen the error of my ways, glory hallelujah – I changed careers a couple of years ago.)

  66. Sue4466

    I agree completely. News is about making profits and selling ads. Can't alienate the advertisers by mentioning the truth.

    You know, it is really odd that news shows are repeated. Truly bizarre if you think about it.

  67. HistoriCat

    I gave you a thumbs up – now ask yourself if it's for you p-ness quote or out of pity. (OK, doesn't really matter, does it?)

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