Liveblogging the Comedy Central Rally Thing From the National Mall

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A stage, some people, you get what's going on here.As the world knows, one of those stations on the teevee reserved some of the green areas of the National Mall on which to have a comedy concert thing, and this is happening right now. If you decided you did not want to go to this thing and be forced to stand among the unwashed liberal teevee-watching elites, your Wonkette is now here with LIVE TEAM COVERAGE to accompany you watching this on teevee or your computer or whatever. (And if you are at the rally and somehow reading this, go ahead and tip us at the usual e-mail with whatever odd photos you have taken or with descriptions of whatever weird stuff is going on in the crowd that we don’t see in our Media Bubble.) Currently famed Jimmy Fallon house band The Roots are performing the “pre-show” with John Legend, just as they did at Glenn Beck’s rally, so we guess we should start this liveblog thing.

12:35 PM — It would appear that people are still playing music. Is this why all these people showed up to this event, so they could see the specks that are The Roots half a mile away?
12:40 PM — The music is over and “the MythBusters” are here? To make some announcements? What is this? Everyone in the crowd is like, “This is the wrong teevee channel, you guys.”
12:44 PM — Oh, “the wave,” right. HOW DARE THESE PEOPLE MAKE THE WAVE POLITICAL?
12:45 PM — Entertaining.
12:48 PM — “Give yourselves a round of applause.” Isn’t that always the problem with Daily Show audiences?
12:50 PM — They are commanding people to laugh? What the hell is this?
12:55 PM — Did Obama force them to do this thing, to get the children more interested in learning science than learning political satire?
12:56 PM — Oh, Jon Stewart is here. Dressed as a dad trying to look cool at a funeral.
1:06 PM — There are a lot of people at this thing! It’s true!
1:09 PM — Riley is supposed to be sending in updates of things he has seen inside this crowd. But apparently he has died from witnessing comedy being mixed with politics.
1:14 PM — And 200,000 young people pull out their cell phones to Google “Father Guido Sarducci.”
1:23 PM — So The Roots are just going to stand around back there the whole time? Sam Waterston does look like he could jam with them, though.
1:26 PM — Sam Waterston went and quickly put on a beard and sunglasses and is now playing with The Roots.
1:30 PM — Cat Stevens, Ozzy Osbourne, and The Roots. Who would think they would be the ones RUINING AMERICAN POLITICS together?
1:36 PM — Great performance by those Coors Light jingle writers.
1:44 PM — Timothy Noah is angry that Armando Galarraga is making fun of Teabaggers. Hey pitch, that’s not how you change their political opinions!
1:47 PM — Yes, Riley has almost certainly died. Liveblog ruined.
1:51 PM — Newell notes there are still a whole lot of people trapped on Huffington Post’s buses, which were, umm, very late, obviously. Haha. Whoops:
Fail, or whatever they say on the Internet these days.
1:56 PM — This is all rather entertaining.
2:08 PM — Via Sara Benincasa, people still waiting to get into this thing:
Whoops.
2:15 PM — Yep, there are still a lot of people at this thing, if you were wondering.
2:17 PM — Thank you Kid Rock, who only performs at huge special events with very large crowds, from what we can tell.
2:18 PM — This may be more than 5 minutes of Sheryl Crow. Hurry up and withdraw that permit, NPS! They broke their promise!
2:25 PM — James Urbaniak may have figured out where Riley is: Timothy Noah FREAKED OUT about this rally and KIDNAPPED HIM. Noooooo!
Mea culpa should be up on Slate soon, right?
2:29 PM — Haha, a crowd of hundreds of thousands just applauded Islam on the National Mall. This whole thing was worth it just for that.
2:34 PM — Oh, Riley is alive. Huffington has finally arrived on her bus and walked by him in the press area. “With a crew of goons. What a monster.”
2:42 PM — Uh oh, SERIOUS PART.
2:50 PM — And the “Is Jon Stewart going to run for president?” machine we will have to hear now is starting to howl into gear in the media tent.
2:59 PM — And it’s pretty much over. Have fun trying to get out of this thing, rally goers!
3:05 PM — Stay tuned for more photos and accounts and such of this event from Team Wonkette. Maybe on Monday? Enjoy your Saturday, America.

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Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

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