Could it Happen??Are you headed to Washington for the big comedy rally we are having in lieu of possessing any grand ambition, moral beliefs or personal dignity? Hooray, hope you like Sheryl Crow a lot! Also: Hope you don’t get shot by the armed & dangerous lunatic firing on anything he thinks is a U.S. Marine or U.S. Marine-affiliated facility. Oh yeah, and this weekend’s the big “Marine Homecoming,” meaning some 30,000 Marines and Marine-affiliated persons will be everywhere in and around DC. And law enforcement officials would like you to know there’s a chance this current or former Crazy Marine might want to shoot all the other Marines, in Washington, this week.

One great thing about “ex-military” in America is that they invariably start shooting shit up within America. From the historical tragedy of Rambo to Timothy McVeigh to that terrible “car sniper” who killed people all over the Washington metropolitan area a few years back, we can almost always count on our veterans eventually turning against us — because it turns out that being sent into hell-zones like Vietnam or Afghanistan or Iraq and being told to kill all the humans has a long-term detrimental effect, on the brain and soul.


Several shots were fired at the National Museum of the Marine Corps overnight in Triangle, Va., according to Prince William County Police. The shooting incident apparently occurred between 9 p.m. and 6 a.m., just hours after the FBI linked Tuesday night’s shooting at a Marine recruiting center in Chantilly, Va., with two similar cases in the commonwealth — including an earlier incident at the museum.

Investigators believe the person shooting has some type of issue with the Marine Corps and they are working under the assumption that he is or was a member of the Marines.

In the wake of the shootings, security is being stepped up for Sunday’s Marine Corps Marathon. The Pentagon was the most prominent target, and more than 30,000 marathon runners will be speeding right by the Defense Department headquarters on Sunday.

FBI agent John Perren said, “We’d like to know what his grievance is and how we can try to resolve it. We’d like to hear his side of the story.” And then he pretended to cough and mumbled into his hand, “And then we’d like to shoot him.” [NBC Washington]

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  • Doglessliberal

    If they cancel the MCM over this, 30K pissed runners who have spent months training are going to be a lot more dangerous than this one moran.

  • Tommmcattt

    30,000 Marines and Marine-affiliated persons will be everywhere in and around DC this weekend

    I'm assuming that as you have both wife and child you are straight and have no idea how amazingly hot that sounds.

    I am buying a plane ticket immediately.

  • Crank_Tango

    If it's a white former marine it won't be terrorism, but heroism.

    • BarryOPotter

      "…won't be terrorism, but heroism" hatriotism /fixed.

  • JMPEsq

    Some Marines also go on to commit treason by, say, selling weapons to state sponsors of terrorists to fund armed insurrectionists and then lie under oath about it. Just as an example.

  • Bonzos_Bed_Time


  • SayItWithWookies

    Marines, nothing — the shooter outta be scared of all those tough-talking chickenhawks in DC. According to them, they're quite the badasses, and are always missing out on opportunities to prove it. I'll bet Billy Kristol is saddling his hobbyhorse as we speak.

    • BarryOPotter

      To bad all the little chickenshits are leaving town because, uh, something came up in Witchta…

  • I predict a lot of fast times.

    • If it were earlier you would have won the morning.

  • SnarkoMarx

    They're ready to eat their own guts and ask for seconds.
    Personally, I'm a little worried about Leonard. He talks to his rifle.

    • SayItWithWookies

      That's not out of bravery — that's just because the MREs suck.

  • chascates

    Once a troubled Marine with PTSD always a trouble Marine with PTSD.

  • bumfug

    There's the beginning of the cops' favorite three-part scam:
    (1) "We wnat to hear your side of the story."
    (2) "We can't help you unless you tell the trurh."
    (3) "Thanks for the confession, sucka!"

    • Now just come on down to the station so we can 'talk' about it…

    • Yeah, they did that to a father holding a gun to his son's head at a dealership down the street from where I worked. When they lied to him about the SWAT team backing off so he could come out, he put the gun back to his son's head and that's when the SWAT team killed them both.

      Never call the cops.

  • lochnessmonster

    We are so lucky to have an FBI complete with a Captain Obvious! A better crime fighter can't be found…

    • HOFAH

      That would be Captain Obvious of the SS Duh!

    • easynewz

      Or Captain Hindsight…

  • Lucidamente1

    At least the shooting wasn't at the National Postal Museum. Then we'd really be screwed.

    • It would take forever to work out the overlapping jurisdictions on who gets to shoot who and where.

  • “We’d like to know what his grievance is and if it's something like having served too many tours or not receiving benefits for his PTSD, how we can try to placate him without really having to resolve it."

    • Redhead

      And we'd like to get to him before anyone else does so we can cover up the fact that it's due to not receiving PTSD treatment or any kind of decompression/reintroduction into society once he returned.

  • Where do you even start looking for motive when the Marines actually BOAST about making trouble from the halls of Montezuma to the shores of Tripoli???

  • Push_Harder

    Has anyone seen Dick "The Shooter" Cheney lately?

  • V572625694

    Uh, Ken, hate to take the edge off your excellent ANTI-TROOPS rant, you unpatriotic rotten doctor Commie rat, but "Rambo" was a (very, very terrible) work of fiction in both cinematic and treated-wood-pulp formats.

    I heard a security expert on the teevee say that the shooter might be someone who has something against the Marine Corps. This is why they make the big $$$$!

    • I call BS. I mean, if it was FICTION would they have made all those sequels??

      • Exactly! If it was so made-up, how come it was so popular??

        • Gunner Asch

          Yeah! Like Fox – popular, so gotta be true.

    • Crank_Tango

      First Blood was a documentary and it was filmed in real time. I dunno about Rambo tho.

    • Gunner Asch

      My Trucknutz are on the guy being someone who flunked out of basic or was kicked out for some sort of malfeasance.

      • CapeClod

        Or turned down when he tried to enlist because he was even too crazy for the Marines.

  • magic_titty

    Did the FBI guy really say he wants to *negotiate* with the terrorist Marine dude? Well, I'll be…

  • Kevin Stowell
    • natoslug

      Try Craigslist. I don't think any of the guys here are interested in fucking you.

      • Kevin Stowell

        So far, only you, it appears. What's Craigslist?

        • natoslug

          Whoah there, big guy — I don't think it'll work out. My standards still include two tits, a hole, a heartbeat, and you've got to be pretty on the inside. I suppose technically that means trannies are okay, but soulsucking 'baggers not so much.

          As to Craigslist, you might want to look around on the interwebz a bit. Or was that supposed to be humour? And with that, good day to you sir.

          • Kevin Stowell

            How do you suck a soul?

          • Spanky2a

            Liberals support a lot of clinics for that procedure.

          • Kevin Stowell

            You'll pay for that, Spank. LOL

          • according to liberals, it apparently involves knee pads.

          • Kevin Stowell

            "Hope they don't forget their helmets!

    • SayItWithWookies

      Hmm — so the post is about Marines and violence, and your response is a link about sex with boys. I'd suggest you stay away from schools and playgrounds, but you're probably already legally required to do that, so nevermind.

      • Kevin Stowell

        Just showing the same thematic disconnects that most posts on here show. Notice it even, eventually, alluded to peri-anal things. The epitome of a WonkTard post. Why all the hate? Got industry?

        • SayItWithWookies

          Lame after-the-fact justification that seems pulled out of a hat because it doesn't apply, followed by anal reference, disguised with redirect to smarmy "I'm ironic like you" appeal, capped with a lure to talk about you instead. Are you an actual functioning adult? Because I stopped associating with people with as many Freudian issues oozing out of their normal human communications as you have after about high school — is it difficult living in the real world, or do you have your own home business and order pizza a lot?

          • Kevin Stowell

            Translation: Wuh, wuh, you're a bigger poppyhead!

            Struck a nerve, huh? The truth is like that. Good night.

          • SayItWithWookies

            Another anal reference plus projection (yeah, you struck a nerve, bigshot).
            Say goodnight, Idi.

          • Kevin Stowell

            Still over your head? How much more do I have to Wonk down my posts for you to understand them?

          • di_da_is_alpha

            Poopyhead? Hey, where is that "user-of-parrots" ? He really went off the deep end last week and hasn't been back since. I wonder if he's the one doing all the shooting?

      • DCHatesMe

        1. The Pentagon does have problems with kiddie porn on the puters.
        2. The shooter and Kevin Stowell both have weird grudges and act like terrorists.

        No thematic disconnects.

    • tiger_tree

      So did we pick up a troll infection from Big Andy's Rest Home for Community College Dropouts?

      • Kevin Stowell

        Yet you couldn't resist engaging me. Thanks for letting me reside in that vacuum you call your brain.

    • I found a great video for you.
      (I know, it's off topic, sorry)

      • Kevin Stowell

        That was good, Rog. Sometimes, it's easy to lose track of the number of affronts to the sensibilities of people who aren't idiots. Thanks for that.

    • BarackMyWorld

      Kevin Stowell is just taking advice from Don Draper:

      If you don't like what is being said, change the conversation.

      Of course, in rational discourse, this is known as a "red herring," but still…

      • Kevin Stowell

        That implies that I read the above hit piece and was actually discussing it with anyone. What I was doing was far simpler than that– I was just poking a bunch of extremely excitable haters who wear their anti-intellectual vulnerabilities on their sleeves.

        I just took advantage of that by exercising sufficient independence of thought that I chose my own topic. That you wouldn't understand that is not surprising given how absolutely incapable of that kind of independence of thought the average WonkTard is.

        BTW, who's Don Draper?

        • BarackMyWorld

          You should know what's being discussed simply from the headline, so I stand by my comment.

          Also, congrats on living under a rock.

          • Kevin Stowell

            I'm sorry–what? Standing by your incorrect assessment of my actions? WonkTard genius, right?

          • BarackMyWorld

            Your vehement disagreement to me for saying something that's not a particularly inflammatory accusation implies you really don't care what is being said, you just want to argue. That's a good definition of an internet troll if ever there was one.

            I mean, consider this:
            1) If you didn't read it, then how did you know it was a "hit piece"?
            2) If you weren't trying to change the subject, then why post something that was completely irrelevant to what was being discussed?
            3) Saying you are showing "sufficient independence of thought that I chose my own topic" seems to imply that you already knew what the thread was about, since you'd have to have at least some idea what you were changing it from in order to know if a change was actually occurring.
            4) Whether you assumed the point of the article or not, you've already revealed that both you disagree with it (calling it a "hit piece") and you would rather talk about something else (posting an irrelevant link to invite discussion, then asking "Why all the hate?").

            Having said all that, I think the real question: Why is it do you always wait until a thread is a day or more old before starting shit with everyone?

  • This story is the shits. Must be Montezuma's revenge.

  • natoslug

    There's going to be a hell of a lot of DDR3 flying everywhere when I finally snap.

  • Worthly Wokette Skum

    Just think of them as Colbert's security detail.

  • V572625694

    Slightly OT, but may I point out that the way Obamar's taking credit for the Yemeni toner-bomb takedown is a bit craven and plays right into the hands of the be-afraid-all-the-time lobby?

    • SayItWithWookies

      No I don't think it's craven to take credit for what you've done. Day in and day out during the presidential campaign, Obama was hammered based on the supposition that his policies would make America more vulnerable and that he would surrender to the terrorists. Of course it was baseless propaganda, but it's important to point out that he is keeping the country safe by application of constant vigilance, and also to point out that these bombs never got into the country. I'm not inclined to toot my own horn either, but I also am not accountable to an electorate with a five-second attention span.

  • Thedongsofwar

    I love Cheryl Crow goddammit.

    • Then you must learn to spell her terrible name, so you can buy all of her terrible records.

      • V572625694

        What are these "records" of which you speak, Old One? Music is something you just steal these days, right?

      • LionelHutzEsq

        Ken, you tried to hit on her at a Vegas bar and got turned down, right?

      • Ironic that you would be so concerned with spelling when you are passing off speculation and innuendo as proven fact. You are an anti-American shill.

    • Kevin Stowell

      Snack bar's to close to that one-sheet shitter.

  • anniegetyourfun

    "Next on Fox: Should Jon's Stewart's little "rally" be canceled? What if a Marine is shot while attending? Can Jon Stewart live with the blood of a US hero on his hands?"

  • Extemporanus

    In the maniac's defense, that know-it-all musuem was totally asking for it.

  • LionelHutzEsq

    Look, Ken, I'm not a bigot. You know the kind of comments I've written about the civil rights movement in this country. But when I get on the plane, I got to tell you, if I see people who are in Marine garb and I think, you know, they are identifying themselves first and foremost as Marines, I get worried. I get nervous

    • pdiddycornchips

      That's just sad. Most are just poor kids who are on their way home or coming back from leave. They wear their uniform because they're proud to be marines and they probably don't have a lot of civilian clothes. They earn less money than most of us spend tipping waiters every year. Let's cut them a little slack.

      • ShaveTheWhales

        Mmm, google "Juan Williams" or possibly "sarcasm".

      • Iam_Who_Iam

        If you had posted your defense of those kids anywhere else on this thread I'd of been with you, cuz even though I know we're a snarky group I've been uncomfortable with all the Marine bashing comments (and police bashing, and yeah, I know, nothing but puppies are sacred here on Wonkette). It's just unfortunate you didn't get the reference and took your stand here.

        And while I'm posting, I bet if those kids get whiff of that shooter this weekend none of us are gonna have to worry about him anymore. Seriously, how stupid do you have to be to mess with a bunch of Marines?

        • DoktorZoom

          Now hang on a damn minute. Many of us HATE puppies, especially the ones with big eyes, waggly tails, floppy cuddly ears, and soft fuzzy little tummies.

          • Iam_Who_Iam

            So you say but I tried feeding puppies to the poors and I got negative pee'd like I was some crazy Marine defender. Hell hath no fury like our Wonkettes scorned.

            I'm throwing the gauntlet down buddy, gut a puppy on one of the fresh posts and see what happens. Godspeed brother, your bravery will not be forgotten.

    • Iam_Who_Iam

      We have got to figure out a way to cash in our pee points so we can give comments like yours a x10 bonus pees if we want. If we could do that I'd of given you x20.

      I have been trying to rephrase that comment to demonstrate the bigotry of it but nothing I came up with was nearly as good as yours. I'm doing the copy and paste thing and releasing your post into the interwebs. I imagine someday in the future some talking head will be taking credit for your quote.

      Mind you, this won't be entirely my fault as I will give you due credit, but weird shit happens out there in the great beyond.

  • LionelHutzEsq

    HARTMAN: Do any of you people know who Charles Whitman was? None of you dumbasses knows? Private Cowboy?

    COWBOY: Sir, he was that guy who shot all those people from that tower in Austin, Texas, sir!

    HARTMAN: That's affirmative. Charles Whitman killed twelve people from a twenty-eight-storey observation tower at the University of Texas from distances up to four hundred yards. Anybody know who Lee Harvey Oswald was? Private Snowball?

    SNOWBALL: Sir, he shot Kennedy, sir!

    . . .

    HARTMAN: All right, knock it off! Two hundred and fifty feet! He was two hundred and fifty feet away and shooting at a moving target. Oswald got off three rounds with an old Italian bolt action rifle in only six seconds and scored two hits, including a head shot! Do any of you people know where these individuals learned to shoot? Private Joker?

    JOKER: Sir, in the Marines, sir!

    HARTMAN: In the Marines! Outstanding! Those individuals showed what one motivated marine and his rifle can do! And before you ladies leave my island, you will be able to do the same thing!

    • V572625694

      Also a work of fiction — based on an excellent novel in this case, called The Short Timers by Gustav Hasford. R Lee Ermey, who played the hilariously, creatively obscene DI (and House's father on the teevee) really was a drill instructor in the Corps.

      Come on, people: wasn't there enough real monstrous behavior at My Lai and elsewhere so we don't have to conflating these bugaboos?

      • LionelHutzEsq

        I don't think a quote from the trial of Lieutenant Calley would be quite as funny. Plus that was the Army. Marines don't fuck up like that.

    • From the Halls of Medicine
      To Montezuma's revenge
      We'll fuck shit up like no one else
      And blame it on Stonehenge

    • Outstanding shooting, Private Pyle! I may even allow you to serve as a rifleman in my beloved Corps!

      Now that I think about it, has anyone seen Vincent D'Onofrio lately?

    • fuflans

      i first read 'cartman' and wondered where on earth this was going.

  • OT, but all the advanced degreed burger flippers at a MickyDees in Canton, OH got a Repube how-to-vote pamplet that said vote this way or yer job is toast.

    Oh I hope someone in the Ohio AG's office takes a legal blowtorch to that asshat owner's privates.

    • Yet another non-apology apology: "For those that I have offended, I sincerely apologize."

      Dude, forget about offending people. You violated the law and obliquely threatened the livelihoods of a bunch of people you're probably paying minimum wage or not much above that. Even if it somehow wasn't illegal you'd think it would be common sense that that's a dick move. Geesh, consider yourself lucky if your employees refrain from dunking you in the deep fryer and serving you up as chicken McNuggets.

      • di_da_is_alpha

        Blow torch? Dunk in the deep fryer? How tolerant. God forbid dunking terrorists in water, though.

        And get a clue as to how the minimum wage law doesn't work. Same thing for rent control. This requires some knowledge of the laws of supply and demand, and how, where the two meet, an equilibrium is established. Outside forces screw it up by imposing false floors and ceilings which create surpluses and shortages.

        But I keep forgetting that what really matters is how one FEELS. "I care, so I'm a better person than you." It was like all the "feel-good-ism" that was the whole USA for Africa boondoggle. Tons of grain rotting at the docks and the people still starving. ""Fuck trying to fix the root of the problem, lets just throw money at it and maybe it will go away. Even if doesn't, I feel good about myself, because I care."

        • Kevin Stowell

          "No caring ever fed a hungry chow."

          Jocelyn Clinton

          • di_da_dada_idi, do trolls think in lorem ipsum? There is, perhaps, a subtle difference between a "legal blow torch" and a physical old-school pipe sweater. Such difference is at the core of what is known as a metaphor, and "legal blow torch" likely falls in the area of exaggerated metaphor.

            But satire, like beauty and banality, is in the eye of the beholder (I let the readers decide whether to put one or both of the di-da_dada_idi_duo in the former or latter of the b & b pair).

            On behalf of my dear feathered colleague, I close this post with:


          • Kevin Stowell

            You shore do speak purdy, Paw, fer someone speaking bullshiteese.

          • di_da_is_alpha

            Where is the user-of parrots? He flipped his lid last week and has been absent ever since. Hope he's not here in Washington State filling out some unused ballots that will be "found" at a later date. I think he might be the one shooting up buildings back east. He did wig out pretty hard.

            Wow, ya got me on my failure to recognize left-wing satire. But you guys never do that to folks on the right, huh? Now how about those supply and demand curves? Got anything to say about that?

  • neiltheblaze

    It's a testament to the New Armed Forces that the Marine Corps is so sensitive to this man's tender and injured feelings. I am touched.

  • rocktonsam

    Will there be metal detectors at the rally?

    Someone said this rally could be again an Altamont,also.

    • Iam_Who_Iam

      I confess, I had to look that up. I can't imagine how anyone would expect a bunch of folks showing up for a happy rally of reason would turn into a thug fest but I keep forgetting all those drugged up liberals are a dangerous bunch. Thank God I couldn't afford to make the trip to D.C. Just another of the Lord's little miracles given through poverty, also.

  • Neoyorquino

    "Lighten up, Francis."

    I know, (Stripes) army reference and not marines, but I thought it apropos.

  • SmutBoffin

    Are you saying my "Marine Sergeant" Halloween costume is a bad idea?

    • mildlysore

      That depends. Is it "Sexy Marine Sergeant?"

  • MistaEko

    Hope you can bob and weave after Mile 17, suckers!

  • Pragmatist2

    I defend his 2nd Amendment right to express his 1st Amendment views using at least a 3d of his ammo and I hope he goes 4th and, if caught, takes the 5th.

  • 4TheTurnstiles

    OT but very much worth the time while you're stuck at home avoiding the gunfire:

  • Plowmon

    The Barbary Pirates better have a good alibi…

  • fuflans

    hey! where's Neilist?

  • pdiddycornchips

    you know how much it would suck to survive Iraq and Afghanistan and then get shot buying a latte at Starbucks just because you're in uniform? My weekend prayers to my heathen gods will include the marines. Semper Fi bitches.

    • Iam_Who_Iam

      Bonus pee points to you and to your heathen gods.

  • Barrelhse

    Pack a heater, it's the Amerikan thing to do.

  • Where's the Winnebago!?!

  • Who left a bowl of kibble out for the troll? People, rule number one of troll care: if his ex-wives and estranged children have given up on feeding him, there's no reason for us to pick up the torch. Plus the attention is like an aphrodisiac; he'll spend all weekend splattering troll jizz all over the Wonkette and we'll have a hell of a clean-up job Monday morning.

    • di_da_is_alpha

      Just by mentioning our presence you feed me, Picklepuss. Have a nice weekend.

      • di_da_is_alpha

        You serious, jackass? Look at the shit this site posts, and the comments from the regulars. I found the "Liberal Gene" post to be very educational in the study of progressive mentality.

    • GreasyRabbit75

      It's fun living in your head, even though the view sucks and something smells funny.

  • di_da_is_alpha

    /// " …. but who the fuck cares about pee?" ///

    Obviously you do, or you wouldn't be talking about it, jackass.

  • di_da_is_alpha

    Three guys are standing in line to go into the offices of Guinness World Records. The first guy turns to a crowd of interested onlookers and says "I've got the worlds biggest feet." He goes into the office and comes out a minute later, big grin on his face, pumping his fist in the air. "I'm number one !!" he shouts and the crowd cheers.

    The next guy turns to the crowd and says, "I've got the worlds longest ear hair", then he enters the office. A minute later he returns and the crowd cheers as he screams, "Yes, I'm in the record book !!", turning his head from side to side so the approving spectators could see the massive growth protruding from his auditory canals.

    The third man turns to the crowd and says " I have the words smallest penis", then he too goes into the office, but when he comes out a few minutes later the hoopla quickly dies down, for the man's chin is resting on his chest, and his shoulders are slouched. "What happened?" someone shouts.

    "I didn't make it" the man says, dejectedly. Then he adds, "Just who is this Keith Olbermann, anyway?"

    How was that, LionelHutzEsq ?

    • LionelHutzEsq

      You are one of the fourteen year olds that Limbaugh sleeps with?

      • GreasyRabbit75

        Ooooooh…..kick-ass comeback. No, reeeeeeeaaaaaaalllly. Too. Also.

      • Kevin Stowell

        Airing fantasies today, are you?

      • di_da_is_alpha

        Projection? How about this guy? You a fan of his?

        It's probably not really Obama's fault, we should blame Frank Marshal Davis.

        • lulzmonger

          SRSLY? You're going with "Dems=Pedos" as a comeback?

          Talk about leading with your chin.

          "No, please, Br'er Troll, I'm begging you – stop smashing me in the boot with your nuts!"

          • di_da_is_alpha

            Was Frank Marshal Davis a conservative? I wonder who NAMBLA members are more likely to vote for, progs or conservatives? (not really)

            So why did Obama make Kevin Jennings "Safe School Czar" ??

  • VinnyThePooh

    He was just cleaning his weapon.

  • JackObin

    Semper Retardus!

  • Duuuuh

    Or in the case of the left…. Semper vado ut iudicium

  • Duuuuh

    LOL….. veritas vulneros

    • Duuuuh

      Liberals always hide when they cannot engage intelligently…. and that needs no Latin translation for you to have to study to get the meaning. It is only stark reality and an indication of coming to a very sad conclusion…

      Cancel or Allow

  • Why do we assume it's a Marine at all? Why is this article written like it's a proven fact when it's not even good speculation?

    • HurricaneAli

      Right! This is armed forces profiling in its most evil manifestation! You could call it SWJ, or Shooting While Jarhead.

    • Kevin Stowell

      You have to consider that the WonkTards have their own language and you may not be able to understand their "nuance" or 'context." Maybe this will help but you have to substitute the term "group-thinking WonkTard" everywhere you see "twins":

  • jeje82
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