David Vitter Still Refusing To Say He Broke Law With Prostitute Diaper Fun

by Jack Stuef

Breakin' the law, breakin' the law!David Vitter’s Democratic opponent is going to lose to him on Tuesday, so at this point, the only thing he can really do is say, “C’mon Louisiana, you’re going to vote for the guy who buys hookers to dress him up in diapers? Really?” David Vitter is still going to debates with this man, so he has to hear questions from the moderators like, “So, buying hookers: Illegal, right?” And David Vitter will not respond. But we ask you this: If David Vitter broke the law, which law did he break? Did he break the law against loving Louisiana and its nurturing bayous too much? GUILTY AS CHARGED! Did he break the law of cosines? Perhaps, depending on the angle of his Huggies. Did he break natural law? No, because that thing he did is how humans make babies and also how they keep babies from making a mess. Well, then, did he break the law of babies? Yes.

During an exchange with debate moderators, Vitter was asked multiple times whether he violated the law when he committed what he himself described three years ago as a “very serious sin.” [...]

One moderator, Greg Meriwether of WAFB-TV, followed up: “Can you look the camera right now and talk to the voters and tell them did you violate the law?”

“I just did look in the camera,” the senator replied. “I just did …”

“Did you violate the law? Yes or no, sir,” Meriwether interrupted.

Vitter’s response: “Again, you can ask those questions. You can look back 10 years. You can stay fixated on that. My job, I believe, is to look forward on behalf of the people of Louisiana.”

If you don’t look back at your past, it’s impossible that you ever committed a crime. Case closed. Or at least it will seem that way until Sam Waterson reads his poem at the Comedy Central rally tomorrow. And then we will know David Vitter has broken God’s law, better known as Law & Order. [Politico]

 

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{ 64 comments }

Not_So_Much October 29, 2010 at 3:12 pm

Somebody is clearly asking for a spanking. A dirty, naughty, bare-bottomed spanking.

Then a lovely scented powder to protect against chaffing and a fresh didy.

GeoffPeterson October 29, 2010 at 4:01 pm

Let me know when Christine O'Donnell asks for a spanking.

Boredw/Gravity October 29, 2010 at 3:13 pm

Those debate monitors were just pampering him.

Beetagger October 29, 2010 at 3:13 pm

Vitter: Fap, fap, fap, fap

V572625694 October 29, 2010 at 3:13 pm

His wife is twice the man he is.

Extemporanus October 29, 2010 at 3:39 pm

I will never understand what Allison Janney sees in the guy.

vulpes82 October 29, 2010 at 3:14 pm

OMG, those CLOTHES! Not only does his wife have to deal with a philanderer who shits with prostitutes for fun, but she's also blind, apparently. (Either that or there is a big cat species somewhere with turquoise splotches on its pelt I don't know about.) And his jacket totally doesn't fit him.

widestanceroman October 29, 2010 at 3:28 pm

His pants look a little full in the seat, too. . .

ottercliff November 2, 2010 at 9:29 am

She would look better in a nice conservative brown pantsuit.

Lucidamente1 October 29, 2010 at 3:15 pm

"As you stand here, Senator, can you look into the camera and say that you have no stains on your record?"

Ramon X October 29, 2010 at 3:18 pm

Here's what I have to say to Diaper Dave: try to find a job that you are all unemployed, or at least outside the house since occasionallt.

Take THAT!!!

SmutBoffin October 29, 2010 at 3:19 pm

I myself have broken the Law of Cosines. I was young, okay, and I dabbled in differential geometry…

walstib October 29, 2010 at 3:22 pm

Vitter: It is not illegal to poop. It is not illegal to enjoy wallowing in said poop. It is not illegal to enjoy having a young lady watch this. It is not illegal to have the sexytime whilst wearing a diaper full of poop with said young lady. These are FOUR clear examples of me NOT breaking the law. So fuck off, I gotta poop.

Gratuitous World October 29, 2010 at 3:22 pm

"i just did…" awww…sounds like somebody needs to be changed.

neiltheblaze October 30, 2010 at 6:25 pm

And spanked, because he's been a naughty boy!

magic_titty October 29, 2010 at 3:24 pm

"…My job, I believe, is to look forward on behalf of the people of Louisiana.”

The moderator should have followed up: "So do you look forward to banging more hookers, or…?"

mildlysore October 29, 2010 at 8:16 pm

In all fairness, if he looks back he turns into a pillar of salty rat dicks.

If I'm remembering Sunday School correctly.

SayItWithWookies October 29, 2010 at 3:24 pm

Laws were broken. Prostitutes were hired. Slashy-rapey aides were kept on the payroll in the role of women's issues consultants. There — satisfied?

OCKerouac October 29, 2010 at 4:43 pm

I think David Vitter expects the law to apologize to him for getting broken. Doesn't the law know he has a bad back?

anniegetyourfun October 29, 2010 at 5:06 pm

Look, he's sorry that it came to this to this, OK?

Guppy06 October 29, 2010 at 4:57 pm

And madams "committed suicide."

Come here a minute October 29, 2010 at 3:27 pm

“Can you look the camera right now and ask ‘D.C. Madam’ Deborah Jeane Palfrey for an apology?”

weejee October 29, 2010 at 3:28 pm

♫ I scoffed the law, it wuz raw fun
I scoffed the law, it wuz raw fun ♫

bumfug October 29, 2010 at 3:28 pm

"It's not like I was the one lying face up under the glass top coffee table watching the poop emerge and fall toward my face. THAT would be sick. I pooped into a diaper, out of sight, so you should vote for me."

smokefilledroommate October 29, 2010 at 3:29 pm

“Did you violate the law? Yes or no, sir,” Meriweather interrupted.
"Blow me where the Pampers is," replied Vitter, staring straight into the camera.

Ruhe October 29, 2010 at 3:29 pm

Snark all you want but you gotta admire the balls on this fucking guy. How do you even show your face in public once this sort of thing gets out, let alone proclaim yourself the once and future Senator from Louisiana? While the rest of us buy them, David Vitter was born with Truck Nutz.

V572625694 October 29, 2010 at 3:36 pm

With Larry Craig setting the example for shameless, un-self-aware hubris, it's hard for anyone else to measure up.

Ruhe October 29, 2010 at 3:45 pm

I don't know. If Craig cops to his crime he's admitting he's gay. Difficult position in Republican world to be sure but in the real world it's like, meh, a gay man. But having it come out that you like to poop in diapers while a hooker watches? Big brass balls, I tells ya.

GuyClinch October 29, 2010 at 3:29 pm

And if voting for Vitter is wrong, then I don't wanna be wrong.

x111e7thst October 29, 2010 at 3:29 pm

Leave Vitter alone. He was pooping in a diaper for all of Louisiana's common people. For all those too poor to afford a prostitute to change THEIR diaper. The man is practically a saint.

LionelHutzEsq October 29, 2010 at 4:14 pm

David Vitter could have chosen to just shit on a prostitute. But did he? No! He made the responsible choice and wore a diaper.

Jukesgrrl October 29, 2010 at 3:29 pm

"Again, you can ask those questions. You can look back 10 years."
So, in other words you've been diddling in your diapers for ten years now?

I'd also like a follow-up question, sir. How much of the kids' college fund has been depleted in the pursuit of this foul indulgence?

Lucidamente1 October 29, 2010 at 3:31 pm

Laugh all you want, but at the least the people of Louisiana will have a strong advocate for harsher pooper scooper laws.

JMPEsq October 29, 2010 at 3:33 pm

The police and prosecutors always back off when someone they suspect of a crime points out that it was in the past and it's to move forward, not look back.

ManchuCandidate October 29, 2010 at 3:33 pm

If David Vitter has to fuck hookers and poop in diapers so that Louisiana remains at the bottom in education and suckle from the Fed teat then he will continue to do so.

V572625694 October 29, 2010 at 3:40 pm

Mississippi salutes Louisiana! New state motto: "At least we're better than Louisiana!"

An_Outhouse October 29, 2010 at 3:33 pm

Its not illegal if you wear a diaper.

EdFlintstone October 29, 2010 at 3:35 pm

Stay classy Louisiana and your god fearing, church going, values voting, hypocrite voters.

Radiotherapy October 29, 2010 at 3:37 pm

…and Question Number 2….

superdave October 29, 2010 at 3:40 pm

"And the diapers? What is up with that?"

zhubajie October 29, 2010 at 6:46 pm

Are they made-in-America diapers?

BaldarTFlagass October 29, 2010 at 3:43 pm

So, if I understand his logic, if I committed a crime in the past, I won't be punished for it as long as I am looking to the future? Wow.

OneDollarJuana October 29, 2010 at 3:46 pm

Still the Deep South cannot figure out for the life of them why the rest of us believe they are intentionally stupid and mean.

Failed_2_Menace October 29, 2010 at 3:50 pm

If ever the secret recordings of his indiscretions are played in an open hearing, I look forward to the 2010 tape in which he grunts, "I had Mexican for lunch, so get ready for your own personal oil spill, honey!"

SaintRond October 29, 2010 at 4:00 pm

He's a pooper all right. And once a pooper, always a pooper.

Worthly Wokette Skum October 29, 2010 at 4:01 pm

Change is in the air!

SaintRond October 29, 2010 at 4:02 pm

His campaign manager should just say all that pooping was simply an historical Hitler sex reenactment. You know, with the glass table and all? Lots of people do it. And it's a great way to bond with your son.

LionelHutzEsq October 29, 2010 at 4:18 pm

David Vitter also announced that he feels this whole Al Qaeda thing is overblown:

“Can you look the camera right now and talk to the voters and tell them did Al Qaeda violate the law on 9/11?”

“I just did look in the camera,” the senator replied. “I just did …”

“Did Al Qaeda violate the law? Yes or no, sir,” Meriwether interrupted.

Vitter’s response: “Again, you can ask those questions. You can look back 10 years. You can stay fixated on that. My job, I believe, is to look forward on behalf of the people of Louisiana.”

gurukalehuru October 29, 2010 at 4:22 pm

It all goes back to the Army-McCarthy hearings and that famous "Have you no shame?" moment. It seemed great at the time, it solved the problem temporarily, but the long term effect was that any Republicans who had the capacity to feel shame were weeded out, began to fall by the wayside, and we are left with what we have today.

HistoriCat October 29, 2010 at 4:34 pm

A steaming pile of shitty Republicans?

chascates October 29, 2010 at 4:40 pm

I can understand that the residents of Louisiana don't have a problem with a lying, philandering asshole but why is his wife still with him?

JMPEsq October 29, 2010 at 5:20 pm

Depends.

DaSandman October 29, 2010 at 4:57 pm

Diaper, we hardly know ye…

donner_froh October 29, 2010 at 5:03 pm

It's OK for right wingers to go back to Barrack Obama's birth and early education (Kenya, Indonesian madrash and suicide bomber academy) to dig up stuff to lie about but for all Repubs everything they ever did, including felonies, other than honorable discharges from the military and general mopery is off limits.

No double standard there.

JMPEsq October 29, 2010 at 5:20 pm

You haven't been paying enough attention to Joe Miller; questions about honorable discharges from the military are verboten too.

Maman October 29, 2010 at 5:05 pm

You can't ask your wife to participate in that kind of fetish. It would make her impure. So really, he screwed hookers for his family.

__kth__ October 29, 2010 at 5:10 pm

I'm pretty sure the "dead girl or live boy" theorem has been conclusively disproven; a Republican could get caught fucking a dog and the "family values" crowd would still vote for him in droves.

zhubajie October 29, 2010 at 6:48 pm

Is banging hookers illegal in Louisiana?

PublicLuxury October 29, 2010 at 9:28 pm

Apparently, it is expected. Clinton's bj is an abomination

zhubajie November 4, 2010 at 9:20 am

Clinton's big sin was not jumping ship when the other SouthernDemocrats did. If he'd played for the other team, all his friendswould have been his enemies, and all his enemies would have been hisfriends.Like Grover Cleveland, in a hundred years, he'll be remembered for asex scandal, nothing else.

PublicLuxury October 29, 2010 at 9:27 pm

The republitards are all worked up over Clinton's blow job. Rand Paul brought it up in his campaign. But these losers don't find on thing wrong with Vitter's diaper and hooker and misogynistic employees. These people need to STFU and go home.

ShaveTheWhales October 29, 2010 at 10:49 pm

See, Slick didn't pay for it, so it wasn't free enterprise (Peace be unto its name).

Vitter, on the other rectum, depended on the kind huggies of economically-motivated strangers, who pampered his pimply butt in exchange for tax-free (only silly people call it "illegal") remuneration. David Vitter is NOT an enema of free enterprise.

Wait..

neiltheblaze October 30, 2010 at 6:34 pm

I had no idea the good voters of Louisiana could be so shockingly permissive.

aious November 3, 2010 at 4:03 pm

I love how Vitter was a leading voice during the Clinton scandal

Typical Republican that are the most hypocritical group on this planet

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