finally!

Charles Krauthammer Declares a Race War

Arise, ye peasants! NO! ONLY THE WHITE ONES!RACE WAR EVERYBODY! RACE WAR! STEP AWAY FROM YOUR COMPUTERS, GO OUTSIDE, AND SORT YOURSELF OUT BY RACE, because Charles Krauthammer says that’s what’s going on. Krauthammer has been in his cave monitoring the transmissions of the brown people very closely, and that’s how he heard “a radio interview that aired Monday on Univision” in which Barack Obama sent a secret message to the Mexicans: “We’re gonna punish our enemies and we’re gonna reward our friends who stand with us on issues that are important to us.” Krauthammer, who spends day and night trying to uncover new human beings who are his enemies, does not like it when a president calls people “enemies.” And that’s why, in the interests of liberty, we must finally repeal this whole “equality” thing.

This from a president who won’t even use “enemies” to describe an Iranian regime that is helping kill U.S. soldiers in Afghanistan. This from a man who rose to prominence thunderously declaring that we were not blue states or red states, not black America or white America or Latino America – but the United States of America.

This is how the great post-partisan, post-racial, New Politics presidency ends – not with a bang, not with a whimper, but with a desperate election-eve plea for ethnic retribution.

Oh man, you can tell Krauthammer is so goddamn happy about this. Race war, race war, raaaaaaace war, we are having a race war! FINALLY the politics Krauthammer wants. We can decide once and for all who is the best race, by killing one another. (As long as the Jews are on Team White.) It’s either scary or hilarious that it took a single utterance of the word “enemy” by a black man for Krauthammer to jump to this conclusion. He has jumped into a lot of poor conclusions in his life, so this may not be the worst, but c’mon Krauthammer, just TELL US that you want a race war. You don’t have to search for years for evidence the president wants “ethnic retribution” and say “the black man started it!” before you’re allowed to call for a race war. Honestly, that’s all your talk about preemptively invading Arab countries was.

What is the point of a two-party democracy if not to present clear, alternative views of the role of government and, more fundamentally, the balance between liberty and equality – the central issue for any democracy?

Listen to the 1987 Pulitzer Prize winner for commentary, children: There is not a scale between liberty and authoritarianism or a scale between inequality and equality, there is only a scale between liberty and equality. You give brown people the equal right to vote, and our country has less liberty. You give white people the liberty to shoot brown people in a race war, and you have less equality. DO THAT LATTER ONE, AMERICA.

The great balance of democracy is between liberty and equality, and the scales won’t be right until we have all liberty and no equality. [WP]

About the author

Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

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  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    Easy, the Iranians haven't fucked up America as much as Republicans!

  • http://www.wonkette.com RunnyRose

    Krauthammer….*clink* *clink *clink*…come out and playyyyyyyyyy!

    • DeLand_DeLakes

      I believe you mean "Kwauthammuh…come out and pw-aayyyyyyy!"

    • Whatever

      Of course that was said by a WHITE gang (of repugs?), but still apropos

      • CapnFatback

        The name of that gang is the Rogues. Coincidence? You betcha not.

  • Failed_2_Menace

    Race? Why would I race someone who has the unfair advantage of wheels?

  • MadBrahms

    Plea for "ethnic retribution"? Really, Cabbage Hammer? Just because it was on Univision? If he really wanted the Mexicans to rise up, he would've put on clown makeup and gone on a telenovela, anyway.

  • Lucidamente1

    "Mein Führer! I can walk!"

    • MaxNeanderthal

      "I hasten to add that since each man will be required to do prodigious… service along these lines, the women will have to be selected for their sexual characteristics which will have to be of a highly stimulating nature…"

      "I must confess, you have an astonishingly good idea there, Doctor."

      Can The Kraut be unaware of the endless opportunities for satire that flow from his every insane utterance?

  • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    Note: Kraphammer's actually from Canada City. You're welcome.

    • V572625694

      Any possibility of returning him?

      • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

        No way. Same applies to Celine Dion

        • V572625694

          I wouldn’t have dared to ask about The Canuckistani Screecher.

  • BrentKockman

    It's funny* how fuckers like Krauthammer keep referring to their wish-fulfillment fantasies of open civil conflict, for unrest in the streets. Do they think they're the only side with guns? Do they think the browns (and the white blood-traitors that would stand with the browns) won't be shooting back?

    *funny – by which I really mean tragic and horribly grim, and cynical, and depressing.

    What a fucker this guy is. And worse still, this wheelchair bound git wouldn't even be able to march in the streets against his "enemies" at all – he'll have to rely on someone else to wheel him to the front lines.

    • Bluestatelibel

      I think you mean wheel him to the airport so he can catch a flight on Air Canada and get the hell out quick.

      The weird thing is that he thinks the side he's on considers him "Team White."

      • horsedreamer_1

        Plenty of Salvadorans, radicalized by Chuckles's hero Ronald Reagan's involvement in Central America, in DC to make sure Chuck never makes it to the airport.

        MS13, pendejos!

    • Swampgas_Man

      I volunteer to wheel him into oncoming traffic.

      • xsluggo

        Make it bumper cars and we have a deal.

    • OneDollarJuana

      Yah. I'm white and leebrul, and I know lots of white leebruls with guns. And cannons.

      • Kitty_Sanchez

        Also too.

        Red state libruls haz gunz.

        • http://writechic.wordpress.com/ writechic

          Can I borrow one of yours? Ize a red state librul. Just think of it as instituting benevolent gun welfare. Shooting stuff kicks ass. :-)

          • Kitty_Sanchez

            Yew bet yer boots yew kin borry one! Hell, I'll learn ye how to shoot it too.

            Rent yourself some Tarantino / Rodriguez empowered-gun-shootin'-chicks movies and study up. Then come on over.

          • http://writechic.wordpress.com/ writechic

            Awesome! Pulp fiction. Underworld. Check.

          • Kitty_Sanchez

            I'm dead serious here: if you haven't already seen them, watch Death Proof (so fucking satisfying, trust me), and Machete (carnage + political/social angst + cartoonish fun = astonishing win). Seriously. Check 'em out.

      • ShaveTheWhales

        RRs? I wahnt one.

  • V572625694

    He must have conflated the Illegals with his usual buggaboo, the Muslin/Arabs/Enemies of God's Holy Place on Earth, Israel, long may she oppress her neighbors and second-class-citizens (i.e., Muslins).

    Can't think of anything worse than a conflated bugaboo.

    • JoeMamased

      conflated bugaboo

      Is that a euphemism for Christine O'Donnell's vagina?

      • V572625694

        Ask the guy who was kissing-and-telling-but-not-eating her yesterday.

      • LionelHutzEsq

        All words are euphemisms for Christine O'Donnell's vagina or pubic region in general.

        • OneDollarJuana

          Including her "euphemism".

          • Gleem_McShineys

            I hear her Krauthammer is handicapped.

    • Chet Kincaid

      The whole Jewish Neocon thing of "kill Muslims for Israel/cleave unto the GOP's buttocks" is a strategy to maintain their hard-earned Whiteness by promoting Israel as the 51st State on the one hand and embracing the racist fears and bugaboos of the right on the other, so that Jews are permanently removed from the Klan hate list. However, they rightly point out that other Middle Eastern countries tramp on the faces of their citizens to a much greater degree than Israel, and doesn't Saudi Arabia have enough oil money to buy every displaced Palestinian 40 acres and an olive garden? So meh, whatever, go ahead with your white selves.

      • ShaveTheWhales

        "kill Muslims for Israel/cleave unto the GOP's buttocks"

        I rarely donate p, because "izzz schtupid", but I have to give one for that.

      • horsedreamer_1

        I'd take bottomless breadstick baskets over the al-Aqsa Mosque all day, every day.

    • finallyhappy

      Thanks for bringging Israel into this- so Israel oppresses Syria and Lebanon and Jordan? Just proves wonketteers can be as stupid as the Krautie

      • V572625694

        West Bank?

        • ShaveTheWhales

          The occasional major military incursion? How could that be seen as oppressive?

          • V572625694

            Our how about the 1967 scenario: "Well, this 'West Bank' thing you've got here, Jordan…we're just gonna take it. Why, you ask? Because we can."

      • Beanball

        The Gaza Strip in Sinai? Egypt.

  • http://littlewanking.blogspot.com/ harry_palmer

    "He has jumped into a lot of poor conclusions in his life, so this may not be the worst"

    There's family tradition for diving headlong into the shallow end. One of his ancestors dove into a shallow gene pool and broke a chromosome.

    • smokefilledroommate

      If only he had a Jump to Conclusions Mat prior to that poor, life-changing decision.

  • i_AM_ready

    Another day, another embarrassing column in the Washington Post.

    • neiltheblaze

      I think you should give them more credit than that. They have two sometimes three embarrassing columns a day.

  • natoslug

    I'm sorry, but if he refuses to stand up for what he believes in and give this fight some legs, I'm not participating in his race war. This kind of egging on only cuts the white power movement off at the knees, crippling any chance of winning. And in case I was somehow too subtle, shut up you crippled cripple crippled fuck. Damned gimpy cripple.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      I've seen a lot of spinals, Dude, and this guy is a fake. A fucking goldbricker. This guy fucking walks. I've never been more certain of anything in my life!

      • BrentKockman

        and he steals money from needy fucking orphans

      • GOPCrusher

        And kicks puppies!

        • natoslug

          Or at least rolls over them once or twice before biting their heads off.

          • Beanball

            And makes invalid arguments.

  • Badonkadonkette

    Those Krauts, always with the race wars.

  • ph7

    A guy named Charles trying to start a race war?

  • http://gratuity.wordpress.com/ Gratuitous World

    as a secret muslin and half-white half-american, BO actually refers to the Iranians as "Frenemies."

    does that work for you, asshat?

  • SayItWithWookies

    My prediction: The Dems lose 60 House seats, eight in the Senate. Rangers in seven.

    It's okay everybody — he's clearly just kidding.

  • Beetagger

    I read that Charlie is a board certified psychiatrist… Maybe they meant diving board….

    • zhubajie

      Certified Rand Paul style?

  • smokefilledroommate

    God, what a bitter asshole. Must be the 'walk envy'.

  • JMPEsq

    Damn that Obama; he promised to reach out to the other side, but now has turned his back on bipartisanship. Why would he do this? It's not like the other side responded by spitting in his face and reflexively filibustering and attempting to block every single thing he proposed or anything.

  • SexySmurf

    Krauthammer has a really bad case of Gay Face.

    • petehammer

      Or good, depending.

  • Extemporanus

    FRIDAY WONKETTEER CHALLENGE:

    Eviscerate Charles Krauthammer's inane, race-baiting op-ed without once mentioning that he is an evil fucking impotent idiot who overcompensates for his own inability to piss standing up by writing hateful diatribes that are as detached from reality as his pathetic not-so-wet dream that he might one day once again feel something when that big, strong black man he obsessively fantasizes about fucks him up his bed sore-riddled ass.

    DAMMIT!

    I lose…

    • widestanceroman

      You have given me mean-ness envy. I am in awe. Thank you.

  • schvitzatura

    National Movimiento Estudiantil Chican@ de Aztlán (née MEChA) loves the love from St. Chuckles of the Steel Wheels.

  • HateMachine

    Race war? FUCKING FINALLY!

  • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

    I'm sure Cabbage Patch is equally offended by Sarah Palin's language when she says things like "Don't retreat, reload" or Sharron Angle suggesting "Second Amendment remedies" if the Repubs can't control everything or that Repub candidate down in Texas saying that golly gee it sure would be a shame to have an armed insurrection against the government but that option is on the table.

    Cabbage Patch? Are those crickets I'm hearing or do your wheels need some WD40?

    • glamourdammerung

      I am sure that is somehow "different".

    • GOPCrusher

      Considering that "Obama is racist against white people" has been the rallying cry of the Tea Bagger Movement for the last eighteen months, I figured that we are already in a race war.

  • Hello !

    Krauthammer, who spends day and night trying to uncover new human beings who are his enemies,…

    Shouldn't be too hard a job… every human should be his enemy.

    • V572625694

      That's the way Krauthammer rolls.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    And in preparation for the race war, Charles is having Q outfit his wheelchair with all the same cool shit he put in 007's Aston Martin DB5, including the oil slick, machine guns, and missiles. No ejection seat, however.

  • MuslinMosk

    I hope the Asians let me side with them. I hear they have those giant mecha death robots now. I saw it in a cartoon.

  • http://www.wonkette.com RunnyRose

    "He has jumped into a lot of poor conclusions in his life…"

    Well, not lately, he hasn't. You know, to be fair and all.

  • fuflans

    This entire blog can be shipped to Afghanistan, no one has lost any

    • Worthly Wokette Skum

      Clearly

      • Gleem_McShineys

        Wait I think I've lost feeling in my

  • elpinche

    Good lord, he's awful. Kraut should thank WaPo for their disability and diversity hiring standards, otherwise he'd be trolling HuffPo between catheter changes.

    • x111e7thst

      You think he has an indwelling catheter and a leg bag? I would have guessed that he has a nurses aide shove a Mentor Self-Cath 16" up there every couple hours just so someone else is forced to touch what is left of his dick.

  • obfuscator2

    1, 2, 3, 4, chuck declares a race war!

  • Radiotherapy

    The only thing worse than Capn Crunchneck's vile comments would be if this were the last post before the weekend again.
    Either way, I'm headed to the Big Hunt.

  • MistaEko

    Chuck et al: HE'S A RACIST! HE'S A SOCIALIST! HE'S SUBVERTING THE IDEA OF A CONSTITUTIONAL REPUBLIC! BLOCK EVERYTHING WITH THE EXPLOITATION OF A SENATORIAL RULE!

    Obama: Fucking A. I can't work with these people.

    Chuck et al: WHAT HAPPENED TO POST-PARTISANSHIP!???!?!?

    • petehammer

      HE SAID HE WAS POST-RACIAL BUT HE'S CLEARLY STILL BLACK!

  • OkieDokieDog

    The official memo about the race war will be on Glenn Beck's Magical History Tour whiteboard thingy. Stay tuned…

    This too; also someday soon, Trig will use his special Jebus powers and heal the Kraut and then Sarah Palin and the Kraut will be ChaChaing on Dawncing with the Staws. Set your VCR NOW!

  • doxastic

    The worst part of a race war is how hard it is to switch sides…

    • GuyClinch

      This is what makes Obamar so slippery!

    • OneDollarJuana

      Kiwi shoe polish. Comes in black AND white! And cordovan, too, if things get weird.

  • widestanceroman

    If Chuck was a real man, he'd get up out of that chair and earn some lawn-mowing money for legs that don't hang uselessly beneath him.

    Also, that photo has NEVER failed to put a smile on my face.

  • metamarcisf

    I have as much of a sense of humor as the next guy, but when you write that "Krauthammer has jumped to a lot of poor conclusions in his life", that's going too far! Is nothing sacred? Besides, that was my line. Now I've got to come up with something else. I'm thinking…

  • BklynIlluminati

    about fucking time i couldn't wait anymore to pop a cap in your white asses

  • FearofaBlackReagan

    Haha. Yes, Krauthammer, it's all true. We are going to eat your crippled ass alive.

  • PalinPussyPower

    Race war? I'm down with it. One thing: there might be a little defection going on. I'm not fighting with the rest of those asshat teabagging whiteys, but I'll take up arms for the brown man. How ya like me now, Krauttie? It's not so fun to incite armed insurrection when you're holed up in that bunker with Cletus and his brother-cousin Chet, is it?

    • HistoriCat

      He's got real purty mouth and we aint gettin' outta here any time soon …

      • Kitty_Sanchez

        You know what? The more I think about it, the more I'm feeling like, "Yeah! Let's go, motherfuckers!" I live down south, and I have guns too.

      • Gleem_McShineys

        Advantages: Can't run away
        Disadvantages: You have to set the brakes when you mount him

  • LionelHutzEsq

    Well, we are already over due for the genetic wars of the mid-90s. I guess if the evil little gnome of Conservatism calls for a Race War forty years after Charles Manson, we can fit that in also.

  • Dr_Zoidberg

    Wait, which side do I line up on?! I'm white, black, and Native American!

    Oh god, the confusion!

    • http://themysterydance.blogspot.com/ OCKerouac

      I think that's when you try and get a gig as a lead singer for Rage Against The Machine.

    • Extemporanus

      You're a newspaper?!

      • http://wonkette.com Zvi_Bleindmeis

        Or a nun falling down a flight of stairs. (Dude, you are OLD.)

    • Chet Kincaid

      "#77…Lining Up In The Neutral Zone…the ball will be moved all the way back to the reservation and/or ghetto…4th down."

    • petehammer

      You fight on the non-white side, but reduce your aim by 1/3.

    • ChuckieJesus

      You can join me and the other Halfricans and People of Questionable Ethnicity in confusing the hell out of the White Warriors. They'll just think we're Mexicans, anyway.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    At least now Kevin will get his chance to finally inflict some pain again.

  • DataSnake

    A democrat encouraging people to vote? Charlie won't stand for that!*

    *or anything else…

  • Allmighty_Manos

    It seems like half of Krauthammer's columns these days read like they were written in dingy basements decorated with German war flags, firearms and bud light neon signs.

    • http://themysterydance.blogspot.com/ OCKerouac

      …the other half are written in said dingy basement's bathroom.

  • Badonkadonkette

    He has jumped into a lot of poor conclusions in his life

    What the fuck, Jack, you calling for a differently-abled war?

  • Come here a minute

    Sorry, Charlie, Jews are always, always on the nonwhite side.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    After he gets to the bottom, he'll go back to the top of the slide where he can stop and turn and go for a ride, then he will get to the bottom and see Rand Paul, hollering about the unconstitutionality of the Americans with Disabilities Act, so maybe he won't be able to get back to the top of the slide after all.

    I've got blisters on me fingers!!

    • ShaveTheWhales

      A dab of superglue, John.

  • Kitty_Sanchez

    What Obama probably said on that mysterious furrin teevee station, in Messcan-talk: "We need as many hard-working, middle-class voters as we can reach to stand with us so we can defeat our opponents and continue working to restore fairness to all Americans who work hard and play by the rules."

    What Krauthammer reports, using Babel Fish and a righttard thesaurus, with filters set on BROWN-SKIND PPLS WANNA TAKE OUR STUFF & LIBERTY THINGS! and LIBRULS R PUSSIES & LOVE TERRRISSS: "'We're gonna punish our enemies and we're gonna reward our friends who stand with us on issues that are important to us,' " and "…This from a president who won't even use 'enemies' to describe an Iranian regime that is helping kill U.S. soldiers in Afghanistan."

    Wow! That's a lotta red meat for the rightwing outrage junkies, packed into the opening graf of Krauthammer's pre-election pep talk / white-guy-persecution-anthem. Give him credit — he's not very sophisticated about it, but he's effective. Is that why he's a WaPo / D.C. Very Serious Person?

    • metamarcisf

      Charlie objected to the phrase "stand with us"

      • Kitty_Sanchez

        Oh, crip — he's a crapple. I forgot.

  • http://themysterydance.blogspot.com/ OCKerouac

    Poor little Charlie would have a hell of a time passing the SATs if he thinks Liberty and Equality are opposites…

    • LetUsBray

      Well, my Teabaggistani-English dictionary glosses 'liberty' as 'when white guys with money get to tell everyone else what to do'.

      Anyway, doesn't SAT refer to what Hammer of the Kraut has done since ever he leaped without looking first?

  • http://iwastoldtheredbeponies.wordpress.com kittylittr

    It always brightens my day when Wonkette writes about the Krautster.

    I must ask, however, if your Photoshop Department has ever attempted to put that chicken in a wheelchair? Because that's the only way it could be any funnier.

    • GuyClinch

      That picture wasn't Photoshopped, is the thing.

      • GOPCrusher

        Krauthammer is really a beer can chicken?
        I haz a sad.

    • Kitty_Sanchez

      Check over at Sadly, No! They have an awesomely spiteful and clever photoshop artist.

    • straighteight

      An excellent depiction of the Crip Creeper via the aforementioned Sadly, No!:
      http://www.sadlyno.com/archives/28805.html

  • June_Cleaver2.0

    I wish Krauthammer could be the beneficiary of Republican policy. That way, when the Republicans take over, Krauthammer won't be able to attend any of the meetings Rand Paul will call on the second floor. When the browns come to whip his butt, he'll finally know what it feels like to fend for himself.

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    Is Cabbagehammer telling us that it's a race to Jewz sides? Or is it a choosey e-racer? Or is it a racy choozer? Or is Cabbagehammer the Choozer, like Shrub was the Deecider? Or maybe Chuckie is a smoozie, choosey, racist?

    I vote for the latter.

  • JMPEsq

    How is the two-party system supposed to balance between liberty and equality when one party at least somewhat supports both of them, while the other supports both authoritarianism and neo-feudal economic aristocracy?

  • chickensmack

    Two things: if it's on Univision, I don't envision Krauthammer capable of understanding spanish. If he knows the language un poco, there's a chance something got lost in translation anyways.

    Second: Krauthammer, have you noticed that — during an election season — there's a shitload of hyperbole?! Calm the fuck down.

    • Kitty_Sanchez

      Your first point was exactly my first thought. Seems kinda obvious, huh? (See 6 or 7 comments upthread.) Here's what kills me: If you look at the comment thread of his WaPo piece, you'll see that it doesn't matter. He's got it MADE. When your audience is a bunch of reactionary authoritarians, any hateful, hackneyed, confirmation biased crap will do. It's sickening that Kraut is considered one of D.C.'s respectable "old guard."

  • http://www.wonkette.com ChurchofRealism

    That's just how he rollz, wait..what?

  • prommie

    Liberty is the opposite of equality?

    • HistoriCat

      Yes! If I'm forced to deal with brown or black skins like they were people then my freedoms are being repressed. It is my god-given right to treat them as the subhumans they are – that's what Liberty is all about.

    • Kitty_Sanchez

      Of course. And charity is the opposite of diligence, because every educated conservative knows the Old Testament beats the shit out of those lame pussies Aristotle and Plato, or something.

  • JMPEsq

    A self-ordained professor’s tongue
    Too serious to fool
    Spouted out that liberty
    Is just equality in school
    “Equality,” I spoke the word
    As if a wedding vow
    Ah, but I was so much older then
    I’m younger than that now

    • ShaveTheWhales

      Me too.

  • 4tehlulz_lite

    You know who else wanted a race war….

  • fuflans

    whew! it's a good thing bush, cheney and rumsfeld never talked this kind of smack.

  • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

    If anyone is interested, here is the transcript Univision provided:
    http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/washington/2010/1

    It would be interesting to hear the audio. I think what Obama is doing is saying that if Latinos don't turn out in this election, Republicans will dismiss their importance and feel free to pursue more draconian policies on illegal immigration. Whereas if Latinos vote and the vote swings some elections to the Dems, the Republicans will think they may need to tone down the rhetoric to attract Latino voters in the future.

    Admittedly he might have made the point sloppily. But it's also possible whoever typed the transcription left out an important comma or quote marks.

  • LionelHutzEsq

    No wonder he got no where with her, he has no pudding cup beard!

    • Kitty_Sanchez

      But his whole head looks like a pudding vat.

  • sezme

    A race war? Finally! I was getting tired of the punic pubic wars

  • Lucmee

    This is the same guy who was spewing about the "peasantry" rising up to bite the Dems last week. He got away with calling the middle class (or everybody who's not him) peasants… So how can his views on minorities be much better? He's always struck me as an insufferable prig anyway.

  • OneDollarJuana

    Krauthammer in a race. Funny image.

    • horsedreamer_1

      Even Eunice Kennedy Shriver would have had a difficult time wishing Chuckles well. She would have — she didn't have a vindictive bone in her buddy — but she wouldn't have liked it.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Ugh, I go to ONE meeting, come back, and y'all have already done all the good Krauthammer evisceration. DAMMIT. Oh, and PS Jack, you're welcome, also too as well.

  • chascates

    “We’re gonna punish our enemies and we’re gonna reward our friends who stand with us on issues that are important to us.”

    Isn't that what everyone in pro-Israel lobby says?

    • zhubajie

      No, it's the basic principle of management.

  • Kitty_Sanchez

    Yay! Oh! Yeesh! Based on the entitled, sexist vibe of his tell-all, I would never have guessed the guy looked like such a baby-butt-faced git. I kinda took it for granted that Christine was a party girl who went after hot-lookin' dudes.

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ donner_froh

    Whoever taught Krauthammer to type has a lot to answer for.

  • moralturpentine

    Ray: What about the Vietnamese?
    Jimmy (waxing indignant): The Blacks!

  • http://twitter.com/petegaines petejayhawk

    In fairness, Krauthammer isn't jumping anywhere unless there's a curb or stairs.

  • http://wonkette.com Zvi_Bleindmeis

    Excellent post/essay, Jack. There's nothing quite like pulling down the pants of an intellectual fraud who's dead inside and butt-fugly outside, eh?

    • Gleem_McShineys

      Some of his outside is dead, also too.

  • http://wonkette.com Zvi_Bleindmeis

    I actually think that "meanness envy" is an ad-homonym attack.

  • lochnessmonster

    I thought only congress could declare war not Howdy Doody.

  • Naked_Bunny

    If you let brown people fight the race war by voting, then the next thing you know you've got naked Wookiees showing up at your door in AT-ST walkers and giant fishmen blowing up your Death Star a.k.a. Wall Street.

  • Lucidamente1

    Careful Wonketteers: Krauthammer is hotter than ever in Lower Wingnuttia, having won (in their minds) a round of gotcha with Nina Totenberg.

  • zhubajie

    "What is the point of a two-party democracy"

    To use and abuse us ordinary people more thoroughly?

  • TanzbodenKoenig

    "…for Krauthammer jump wheel to this conclusion."

    There, fixed that for you

  • ttommyunger

    Whenever Kraut-Boy utters a new idiocy I just close my eyes and imagine him in his piss-stained bed late at night when the demons come; pounding that limp little goober furiously trying to get some sensation out of it other than utter numb despair and hopelessness… Could be that's why he's so fucking hateful. I certainly hope so.

  • zhubajie

    In all seriousness, race, etc., civil war is probably coming to the USA. Plan your escape! Learn Spanish or Hindi or something.

  • petehammer

    "Up to"?

    • ShaveTheWhales

      Well, from his position, pretty much every cock is "up to".

  • BarackMyWorld

    This is how the great post-partisan, post-racial, New Politics presidency ends – not with a bang, not with a whimper, but with a desperate election-eve plea for ethnic retribution.

    WHAT…THE…FUCK????

    I think it is time Dr. K diagnosed himself with paranoid schizophrenia, prescribed himself some zolafren, and was done with it.

  • HempDogbane

    But George Will said the enemy was blue jeans. I wish these guys could get their shit together.

  • neiltheblaze

    So that's what a grown man afraid of unshaved lady parts looks like.

  • Beanball

    In point of fact, Krauthumper is way off base: the classic Liberal Enlightenment argument, since at least Burke, is between "liberty and freedom," not "liberty and equality." Many many dissertations have been written on the distinction; it's a course in law school and poly sci classes and is the basis of the libertarian philosophy vis a vis social responsibility and/or statism (or some similar rot).

    Anyhoo, Krauthumper is disingenuousness on wheels, in case you hadn't noticed.

  • PublicLuxury

    Yooooo Hoooo, Charlie? Charlie? Charlie Manson your dream just may come true in YOUR lifetime if Krauthammer has his way. Your Family will all be vindicated. You'll be released to cruelly slaughter randomly, have frequent unprotected sex, and use illicit drugs recreationly while rejoicing in your success. ____Pssst, question? Why didn't you work Krauthammer over a bit when you were running free and wild? Is Wisdom and Wit still in print?

  • http://wonkette.com/ outragedcitizen

    I will never ever be able to see Krauthammer again with wondering if he had a beer can shoved up his butt.