Everyone knows that Al Franken and his lawyers stole Norm Coleman’s landslide victory. Never Again, says the GOP (they are never going to let Norm Coleman run again). But also they are never going to let another comedian from Minnesota become senator. Introducing: No More Frankens dot com! “The only way to prevent more Al Frankens is to win and win big … There is no margin for error. Will you help us?” Yes, okay. Will this be the usual “get out the GOP vote” deal? You know, telling minorities that election day is November 4? Obviously, yes. But also, a small five thousand dollar donation can buy four thousand votes for the GOP! Your Wonkette just donated “Norm Coleman.”
How many votes does “Norm Coleman” buy? Hopefully lots and lots! We are not very good at Maths, but how does this dollar-vote currency exchange work? One thousand dollars buys eighteen hundred votes, but five thousand dollars only gets you four thousand votes? That’s wack.
Hasn’t the US Chamber of Commerce already bought the Republicans all the votes they will ever need? [No More Frankens]
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How many voters can 5000 Goldline Golds buy?
Hell, I can top this. Send me $5000 and I'll vote 5000 times myself.
Norm Coleman has already lost to a wrestler and a comedian. He should go for the trifecta and run against Prince next.
He'd lose to Kirby Puckett.
thanks for that, I hadn't thought of Kirby in a while so just spent the last hour watching Kirby videos on the YouTubes, good times! (ok so I don't have much of a life? BTW, I'm a long-time fan but only recent Wonkette commenter and have enjoyed/ appreciated your excellent comments over the years!)
The only other option is an aging quarterback with a bad ankle and a 3 1/2" dick – but, due to the creepiness factor of his alleged transgressions – I would bet that the QB in question is a rebublican!
also, he does have a limbaughesque taste for prescription opiates, also.
No more Franklins? Give me a couple of Grants, then.
Gob: It ain't easy being white
Franklin: It ain't easy being brown
Gob: All this pressure to be bright
Franklin: I got kids all over town
I need $5000 for a Franklin CD.
I’m impressed! These are VERY reasonable rates. Votes would cost 3 times as much in Illinois. How do they do it? Out sourcing?
What's the exchange rate for whore diamonds?
How does the money insure that Republican voters get to the polls? Do they pay to charge up their fat scooters?
forklift rentals to get voters out of their houses, gilbert grape's momma style
Sssssssss! The Lizsssssard Peoplesssss Will Not Be Denied Ssssssss Their Victoryssssssss!!!
How much for p votes? I'm getting a cash bonus plus two pay raises this year and would like to have a 4-digit p rating (plus or minus; I don't give a fuck).
I gave you thumbs up. Please send money. Cash, used bills, no sequential serial numbers.
I gave you a thumbs up. I only take PayPal, thanks.
Thumbed up as well. I'll take my payment in weed, please.
Do you have any Glenn Beck foodinsurance.com apocalypse backpacks with which to barter?
I have 88p. Another 12p and I'll have a quid – enough for a pint of Harp!
So the Republicans are still being sore losers and making baseless accusations of cheating; I guess they figure it's revenge for all the talk of Bush cheating in Florida in 2000, but that time there was actual, you know, evidence.
No More Bush!
And you know what I mean.
This is bad news for Christine O'Donnell.
And Kay Parker
It's not a Victory Thermometer, Riley. It's a Victory Cigarette.
That Boehner will smoke after he is done fucking all of us in January
Why is it that $50 buys 60 votes and $5,000 only buys 4,000? Split that $5,000 into 100 units of $50 each, and it would buy 100 sets of 60, or 6,000 votes. Seriously, guys, learn some math.
No Child Left Behind
No Math Brought Forward
So much for economies of scale. The GOP seriously knows nothing about economics.
This is Republican math. The same as an employee making $40,000 a year should pay $6,000 in Federal taxes while a corporation making $1 Billion a year should pay $0 in Federal taxes…
Do they accept pubes? Because Christine is really hurtin' at the polls right now
My understanding is she already has enough in that department.
Landslide!!!
I only carry Ameros. I guess they're shit outta luck.
Math is for elite liberal nymphs.
$5,000 for just 4,000 votes? WTF? Did these people learn NOTHING from NPR pledge drives?
They don't watch NPR. Duh.
Thank you for reminding me of Norm Coleman, I needed a good belly laugh this morning. I can't think of Norm without remembering how George Galloway dismantled his narrow ass in front of the world in our own Senate Chambers. I think this was the only hearing Norm's Committee on Investigations convened; and it was an unmitigated disaster for him and the GOP, by extension. Haven't seen it? Google "coleman,galloway" , grab some popcorn and enjoy.
You see? You see what I've been saying? THIS is what the Founding Fathers intended. One dollar, one vote. We should applaud these brave souls for stating the fact even more bluntly than Citizens United could: those with the most money DESERVE to rule over those with less, because they are better people by virtue of having more money! Zek/Lumba 2012!
I refuse to donate my millions until I can get a title. Being rich is not enough – I want to be a Duke or something, so I can lord it over the peasants.
I'm sure something can be arranged for the right price. Oh, and if you're looking for some indulgences, head to your local Justice Mart — they're having a sale on "get-out-of-assault-with-a-deadly-weapon-free" cards this week.
You do not have a clear worthly Wokette skum
Yes you do!
The last time I checked, a case of Little Debbies Cupcakes cost a lot more than $1.25, so I don't see how this is going to work with the GOP base.
Vote early, vote often, tell your friends..
I'd buy *that* for a dollar.
"We are not very good at Maths"
Apparently they aren't either. If I make two $1000 donations, I'll get nearly as many votes as a $5000 donation. I thought things were cheaper when you bought in bulk.
And when you're buying Teabaggers, you're clearly buying in bulk.
This is I think the second time I've noticed Riley using "maths". Is he a sekrit Englishman?
They don't accept non- English pupils a Hogwarts. So, yes.
Not if you do your math using the invisible left hand.
Well, the truth is, after plying a teabagger with several thousand gallons of mayonnaise and corn sugar, the freight charge to get them to the polls starts working against you.
"yourself and 4 friends"
You know a Republican with 4 friends?
Now I know how GOP talking heads arrived at the idea that cutting taxes increases government revenues: Substitute Jesus magic for acual math.
Some Galilean fisherman took a bath because of someone else's charity that fateful day.
It's 50% rhetoric, but Repubicans seem more partial to the argument that elections are about scheming. Franken cheated. ACORN is bribing people. Voter fraud is rampant. Illegal immigrants are voting everywhere. Or a variation: Where's the birf cert?
And Demoncrats seem more partial to the argument that money flat out buys election results — the ad you mention not withstanding — as with Citizens United.
It's a shame because it says the election is illegitimate, the winners didn't really win, it devalues the actual votes. And it doesn't help that every fucking ad I see on TV is about how the other guy is an extremist who makes bin Laden look like a reasonable fella.
Especially with the "ACORN!" screaming, sometimes the wignut claims that someone was elected illegitimately seem to come down to, "they only got elected through votes of black and brown people, who shouldn't be allowed to vote".
Saw an ad for dog catcher, where the one candidate accused the other of supporting Obamacare and the cutting of 500 billion dollars from Medicare.
Riley, I think you have it wrong. The "other" donation field is for in-kind rather than monetary donations. They are looking for things like pickled pigs feet, Red Man, and flammable crosses to lure people to the polls. I think I'll donate two barrels of grandpa's ole moonshine. That should bring them down from the hills and into a voter booth.
How much for a Christine O'Donnell autographed butt plug?
Have the Republicans found a suitable lost-by-a-cunt-hair-to-a-clown jerb for Coleman yet? Sinecure at some think tank? Okay, nothing to do with actual elections, which he's failed to demonstrate much aptitude for winning. Maybe when Michale Steele gets back from his get-out-the-vote visit to Pelau and American Samoa, he can find something for little Normie.
Hey, Michael Steele was actually in my district yesterday, campaigning for the guy who came out against slavery last week! (I don't know how the GOP can still back a guy who is so opposed to property rights guaranteed by the Constitution.)
Hey now, Coleman did once manage to defeat a decrepit old man after his real opponent died, so there's that.
I forgot Coleman’s (probably) a Jew, and therefore ineligible for admission to the Cato Institute country club or similar libertarian fun zones. Einstein, Freud, Marx: nevah forget the Three Jews who Ruined the World.
NO MORE FRANKENS We Can't Just Win. We have to win BIG!
Um, except for the fact that you didn't actually "win" that election, and Franken did.
Also too, Franken seems to be turning out to be a pretty good Senator, even if a little sketchy during hearings.
No more Frankens? What am I gonna eat for breakfast, Colemanberry? Fuck that cereal. The prizes inside totally suck.
You gotta go out to the 'burbs to get a good deal on a Republican.
Elk Grove Village, specifically, also.
Only vote fraudster I ever met was a Repub from the EGV. He was Italian, though, so I'm sure the Goopers would chalk the sliminess to that, not being a cheating Henry Hyde voter.
The only way the Republicans can win big is if they machine gun people on their way to the polls. You know, take a page from the play book of their spiritual brethren, the Taliban.
http://tinyurl.com/27mv2g9
Yeah I'm totally over the smarmy over educated high brow comedian schtick. I like my Senators overtanned smoking and dumb
So if I'm understanding this correctly, I should STOP building my DNA replication Al Frankin Army to run for various elected offices throughout the country? How about if I replicate thousands of Dana Carveys instead?
I just voted from Lagos!
Are you there to collect the dead oil executive's $100,000,000 a complete stranger offered to give you?
This makes no FrankenSense.
Gold!
"Hey guys, can I join?"
>"No, this is the 'No Homers' club"
"But you let Homer Guyle join."
>"We're the no HomerS club. We're allowed to have one"
"Aww…"
Apparently noticing how stupid their math looked, they have no changed $5000 to 10,000 votes. Anyway, I'm donating "lizard people."
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