it's morning in america

Teary-Eyed Meg Whitman Would Gladly Deport Former Housekeeper

Meg Whitman would deport her own mother.

  • Meg Whitman has finally realized that she can’t buy the Governorship of California on eBay — which really sucks for her, because she has already spent hundreds of millions of her own dollars trying to do exactly that! So on to Plan B: Deport her former housekeeper, the Illegal Mexican Nicky Diaz Santillan! It “breaks her heart,” but Meg Whitman knows that this will solve California’s deficit. Oh and then Meg started barfing about how she wants a “stronger electronic verification system for employers,” because that evil Nicky Diaz Santillan had “a valid California driver’s license” and a “Social Security card,” both of which were probably birthday presents from Jerry Brown. Or maybe they were forged? Is Nicky Diaz Santillan a harmless housekeeper, or a member of the Mexican CIA? Doesn’t matter, deport her! (Jerry Brown supporters should also probably be deported.) It breaks Meg Whitman’s heart, but she really really wants to be elected. [LAT]
  • Joe Miller has accused Lisa Murkowski of lying — lying! Ha ha, just four more days, people. Four more days. [McClatchy]
  • “A judge has ruled that a young girl accused of running down an elderly woman while racing a bicycle with training wheels on a Manhattan sidewalk two years ago can be sued for negligence.” When will little girls realize there are no “training wheels” for Negligence? Sue this toddler and take all her Crazy Bandz and Tamagotchis. [NYT]
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Riley is an "internet blogger." He has written for such internet websites as True/Slant and the terrible Brangelina gossip emporium "The Huffington Post." Riley lives in northeast DC, near H Street. Maybe you do too and want to hang out?

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117 comments

  1. Serolf_Divad

    The Meg Whitman "deport my former housekeeper" tragedy is on a par with George shooting Lennie at the end of Of Mice And Men… you know, if George had done it for purely conniving, selfish, power-hungry reasons, rather than as a mercy killing.

    1. CapeClod

      One of the reasons I enjoy Stienbeck is how he crafts such wonderful stories out of petty, spiteful characters who are prone to childish tantrums when they don't get their way.

      1. Doglessliberal

        I read that book when I was 10, and I still remember how I could not shake that image of a soft broken-necked bunny. That Steinbeck, he could write a bit. I wonder if he had a PhD in creative writing?

    2. Lascauxcaveman

      OMG George shoots Lenny at the end?!?

      HELLO – HOW ABOUT A SPOILER ALERT!?!

      (Just don't tell me what happens to Rosasharn and her baby, or I'll never get around to finishing that book.)

  2. Texan_Bulldog

    These 4 more days are going to feel like FIVE AND A HALF YEARS!!, ALAN (sorry, that's for old time Wonketteers). Let's just get this shit over with…

        1. V572625694

          Sweet Jeebus on a Popsicle stick, you frightened me. No way the human-turtle hybrid could entertain presidential aspirations.

        2. HistoriCat

          You do not deserve a thumbs down but the very thought of McConnell and 2012 campaigning led to give the idea serious consideration.

      1. elviouslyqueer

        To gloss on something imissopus said yesterday, I for one do not welcome our demon-eyed, batshit insane, Constitution rollbacking, Obama impeaching overlords.

  3. loquacioustunes

    "If you hire, knowingly hire undocumented workers, you know, there has to be a penalty for that."

    Paging Lou Dobbs!

  4. slappypaddy

    my heart goes out to weeping meg at her painful dilemma. her story reminds me of the sad and stirring tale of gruppenfuhrer bruno schniffling, who was known for his touching and heartfelt way of weeping every time he had to put a bullet through the base of the skull of one of his loyal yet unfortunately credential-deprived servants as they knelt at his feet, their heads bowed in the shame of having sought to scrape out a living without having all their papers in order. bruno's black boots were so shiny! his heart was so pure! his aim was so true!

  5. 4tehlulz_lite

    If my campaign protects us from [s]my[/s] one mexican maid, then it would have been worth it.

  6. Sgt_Biyatch

    A Whitman aide, once a former Rand Paul advisor, later added, "Meg would like for her former nanny to apologize, to be honest with you.” The aide continued, “Santillan's a professional at what she does, and I think when all the facts come out, I think people will see that she was the one that initiated the whole thing.”

  7. ManchuCandidate

    Why should anyone be shocked about eMeg? She's a corprat execubot. Throwing people under the bus is the norm for them. One has to ask how many lives were sacrificed for her greater ambition and glory?

    Hell, look at her "awesome" sons, rapey and ultra douchey. It makes you wonder what crimes they would have done if she actually raised them.

    1. Chet Kincaid

      Just looked at the Rapey and Douchey news via Google. If they were browns, we would have shocked and awed Meg's forehead and perforated the asshole sons already.

    2. fuflans

      nope, nope not going to look at rapey and douchey. just not going to do it.

      on the plus side: if they need work, there's likely some random production of 'titus andronicus' in need of tamora's sons.

  8. Allmighty_Manos

    As shitty as next Tuesday will be, I know I will find some solace in watching Whitman's $180 million dollar campaign crash and burn.

    1. Serolf_Divad

      Meg Whitman, Karly Fiorina, Chrsitine O'Donnell…

      It'll be an isolated little bit of joy watching them go down in flames.

      Watching Joe Miller lose will be a bittersweet pleasure, too… though only bittersweet, as it will probably mean the election of Lisa Mrukhowthefuckdoyourspellitowski.

        1. V572625694

          Sorry, no. Dreams are scholiast. The new pols are realistic in their desires to end Medicare, roll back the Constitution, and deport all the Mexicans. These things can happen; that's why people vote for Republicans.

          Plus: jerbs!

      1. James Michael Curley

        Thousands of wite in ballots are thrown out every election, especially with scanners, when the voter merely writes in the name but doesn't fill in the Write In circle. The ballot goes through the scanner but doesn't get flagged as a write in. Additionally, when viewed with people eyes, the rules often require discounting the write in ballot if the circle is not filled in.

        McAdams is now polling six points ahead of Miller and seven points behind Murkowski. If one out of 14.5 ballots for Murkowsi is discounted, McAdams wins.

    2. JMPEsq

      Great job wasting her own money there; as with Romney, not to mention Whitman's California failed CEO compatriot Fiorina, it's nice to see rich asshats throwing away their fortunes like this.

      1. James Michael Curley

        Don't forget Linda (Kick em in the crotch) McMahan who is now polling 14 points behind Bluementhal. She of the "I'll spend all it takes to win"

  9. Mahousu

    [Juliet Breitman] was three months shy of turning 5 when Ms. Menagh was struck, and thus old enough to be sued.

    See, that makes all the difference. Suing a 4-year-old would be ridiculous, but this hussy was four and three-quarters.

    In fact, running down old ladies with your training-wheel bicycle is a well-known gang initiation rite. If the justice system can't step in and stop her now, how are they going to manage it when her training wheels come off?

    1. bitchincamaro2

      That's one of those "bikini" graphs that always gets the attention of grumpe ole Wonketteers like you. (I think 50 grit should suffice, btw.)

  10. marinmaven

    Way to throw the woman who raised your kids and took care of your house so you can make billionty dollars. Only a fraction of it could have gone to a really good immigration lawyer to help her employee get legal. That is if she had a shred of decency. I hope she goes the way of Adrianna Huffington's ex-husband, where she spends all her money only to be crushed and defeated at the ballot box. *Sniff* It would "break my heart" but somehow I will muster the strength to carry on.

    1. James Michael Curley

      A good immigration lawyer like Christine O'Donnell?

      Never met an immigration lawyer who defended a legal immigrant. Most of the cases are the poorest immigrants and the lawyer gets the fees for the defense from Uncle Sam. Then, if they lose, they protract the cases endlessly, incurring more fees paid by Uncle Sam.

      If Cristine O'Donnell were not such a joke she would be a screaming dangerous, "I got mine from the Feds, you can't have yours." hypocrite.

      OTmasturbatoryH, she is both.

  11. Tundra Grifter

    I believe there was an (unfortunately) brief period of time when folks without stinking papers could obtain a California driver's license legally.

    Yes, sanity broke out and the powers that be found an advantage in having drivers actually knowing the law – and having proper insurance.

    I know the right wing nutz yelled about the forged driver's license that made Mrs. Whitman's case a stone cold lock – but I think that's just another lie.

    1. Doglessliberal

      I wonder how many morans who rail against health care reform screamed about people (brown ones) driving around without insurance?

  12. DaSandman

    Wait a sec, why don't we start deporting billionaire bulldog faced bottle blonds who can't control their own children? Caring and responsibility start in one's own mansion.

    1. Tundra Grifter

      Wasn't that a Sean Connery movie? I'd still take Brooke Shields over Meg Whitman.

      Oops! It was Candice Bergan.

      I've been to the zoo – you don't want to be downwind from the Lion.

  13. bitchincamaro2

    "If Jerry Brown is the next governor of California, a Democratic governor with a Democratically controlled Legislature, you won't recognize California in two or three or four years," she said.

    Wait. I thought passage of Prop 19 was supposed to be responsible for that. Oh, I get it. "Brown" is down for the "browns". Uh huh.

    1. the_onceler

      I betcha that the Republicans will start a recall petition in a about 6 months. If that happens, I demand credit for calling it!

      1. GeorgiaBurning

        They're already working on it. Cockroaches never sleep. If Meg is smart she'll stash a million or ten just in case.

    2. OCKerouac

      I simply cannot image what California will look like if it is allowed to become a bastion of liberalism…

      Wait… Meg knows she's not running for Governor in 1910, right?

  14. PublicLuxury

    I heard Meg whisper to her aid, "When are the brown going to learn their place?" Meg's Latina aid quickly called INS and turned Meg in for being an illegal alien of mutant form. Meg has been sequestered in an underground facility located deep in the mountains of Wyoming.

  15. chickensmack

    Why do Republicans have this continuing penchant for hiring illegals? Didn't they learn from the Democrats who stopped doing this shit back in the 90's?

    1. imissopus

      To be fair, Meg never so much as voted in the '90s so she probably wasn't paying attention to what the Dems were doing as far as hiring the help.

    2. Negropolis

      Republicans learn? They don't need to learn, anything. They have money. Learning is for suckers who can't buy their way out of their fuck-ups.

  16. mrblifil

    Stay away from 87-year old ladies strolling on the sidewalk, kiddies, and if they lay out a big plate of apples on Halloween, check for razor blades.

  17. JustPixelz

    It only "breaks her heart" because she knows this woman. (Or maybe because she got caught. Or maybe because she now has to pay retail for her housecleaning.) The "stronger electronic verification" would only mean that Ms Whitman's would have kicked Ms Santillan out sooner, with less heartbreak for at least one of the women.

  18. Monsieur_Grumpe

    “He (the judge) concluded that there was no evidence of Juliet’s “lack of intelligence or maturity” or anything to “indicate that another child of similar age and capacity under the circumstances could not have reasonably appreciated the danger of riding a bicycle into an elderly woman.””

    This judge has never been around a 4 year old much less a 4 year riding a bike with training wheels. Stopping is a concept that some adults never master.

  19. JustPixelz

    Hey Meg! Turn those lemons into lemonade. If people could sell their citizenship on eBay, the immigrants could just buy their way in. Or maybe some billionaire lady could pay the auction price. Who would sell their right to live here? Retirees who always wanted to travel.

  20. Kevin Stowell

    "she has already spent hundreds of millions of her own dollars"

    Unlike your average DemoKlanPerson, she must have been very industrious.

  21. HurricaneAli

    This does not make me want to vote for Meg Whitman, no sir. Because if I vote for her she'll blame me for when the California economy goes further into the crapper. Even if I lived in California I would not vote for this woman.

  22. JMPEsq

    Does the old lady realize that most four-year-olds don't actually have any assets? Maybe she can garnish the kid's allowance.

    1. Guppy06

      The old lady in question is dead. Being old, the fall required hip surgery, and she died three weeks later.

  23. Failed_2_Menace

    Somewhere, Orly Taitz shakes her head while reading of Whitman's naivete in her morning paper, and bellows through a maw full of French toast, "SHOO HAB ASSED FOAH WONG FOAM BOOF SUTTIFIKATE!"

  24. Sue4466

    In the article, Whitman says "On Nov. 3, no one's going to care about Nicky Diaz."

    Except maybe Nicky Diaz and her family.

      1. Sue4466

        and then mumbled "Hell, it's not like I ever thought about the help before that Gloria Allred bitch dragged her out into the spotlight."

    1. Negropolis

      When I heard her say that on the television, I quite literally winced. Everybody latched onto the first part of her interview, but I thought that line was the most damning quote of them all. It just shows what kind of sociopath she is.

      1. Sue4466

        Because people are only important to the extent they affect her lives. And she's really complaining that Allred brought this woman forward. She said something to the effect that Allred is the one who created the problem. This is a woman who campaigns about the evils of "illegal messicans" but the problem is not her breaking the law or her own hypocrisy, it's that it was brought to light. But then she says the woman should be deported because the law is the law and must be respected. That is some twisted fucking thinking that essentially boils down to the law is the law only as applied to "those people," but not richie riches like Whitman.

        I am not surprised by this. I'm just appalled (again) that the media isn't really concentrating on the true pathology.

  25. el_chupacabra

    Can i sue the babies in those strollers that self-important asshole super-moms plow through me on sidewalks with? Cuz they's clearly drivin'

  26. OCKerouac

    Poor Meg. She should have hit the Buy It Now button instead of getting into a bidding war. At least she can flame Governor Brown with negative feedback.

  27. OCKerouac

    In her defense, I am the proud owner of a handful of two-tone collections on vynil thanks to the power of E-bay.

    Wait… Does that make me a Meg Whitman success story?

  28. DemmeFatale

    I also love it when they do the "I'm not a politician, but business-person" shtick, cause big swinging dicks are known for consensus building and compromise.

    (Like we didn't already suffer enough from 8 years of that idiot bidnessman from Texas!)

  29. zhubajie

    Does the housekeeper know where the bodies are buried? Can she write or dictate or channel or something a kiss-and-tell book? She looks a lot more attractive than Whitman; did Mr Whitman thinks so to? I'm sure there's all kinds of gossip and scandal she could give us.

  30. PhillipMarlowe6

    In that picture of Meg and the Latinas, the second one from the left looks awfully Asian.
    Just saying.

    For us Marylanders, will Bobby Ehrlich be hiring any Philly homeless dudes this election?

  31. NotMother?

    Political consultant from Arnold's campaign: $90,000/month
    Spokesperson from McCain campaign: $20,000/month
    Hair and makeup: $8.95
    Blowing $160,000,000 to plaster California with attack ads for months and losing in a landslide: priceless

  32. CaptainSwing2nd

    She wouldn't have even had to actually hire Ms. Fiorina – The mere threat of doing so would have been enough to turn Beavis and Butthead into the Von Trapp children.

    "Now listen up, ya' little turds. One more peep and I pick up the phone… and you all know what she did to Hewlett Packard."

Comments are closed.