IT'S MORNING IN AMERICA  8:39 am October 29, 2010

Teary-Eyed Meg Whitman Would Gladly Deport Former Housekeeper

by Riley Waggaman

Meg Whitman would deport her own mother.

  • Meg Whitman has finally realized that she can’t buy the Governorship of California on eBay — which really sucks for her, because she has already spent hundreds of millions of her own dollars trying to do exactly that! So on to Plan B: Deport her former housekeeper, the Illegal Mexican Nicky Diaz Santillan! It “breaks her heart,” but Meg Whitman knows that this will solve California’s deficit. Oh and then Meg started barfing about how she wants a “stronger electronic verification system for employers,” because that evil Nicky Diaz Santillan had “a valid California driver’s license” and a “Social Security card,” both of which were probably birthday presents from Jerry Brown. Or maybe they were forged? Is Nicky Diaz Santillan a harmless housekeeper, or a member of the Mexican CIA? Doesn’t matter, deport her! (Jerry Brown supporters should also probably be deported.) It breaks Meg Whitman’s heart, but she really really wants to be elected. [LAT]
  • Joe Miller has accused Lisa Murkowski of lying — lying! Ha ha, just four more days, people. Four more days. [McClatchy]
  • “A judge has ruled that a young girl accused of running down an elderly woman while racing a bicycle with training wheels on a Manhattan sidewalk two years ago can be sued for negligence.” When will little girls realize there are no “training wheels” for Negligence? Sue this toddler and take all her Crazy Bandz and Tamagotchis. [NYT]
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Serolf_Divad October 29, 2010 at 8:44 am

The Meg Whitman "deport my former housekeeper" tragedy is on a par with George shooting Lennie at the end of Of Mice And Men… you know, if George had done it for purely conniving, selfish, power-hungry reasons, rather than as a mercy killing.

ManchuCandidate October 29, 2010 at 8:54 am

But Meg promised me rabbits!!!

Serolf_Divad October 29, 2010 at 9:06 am

We gonna live off the fat 'o the land, Manchu… the fat 'o the land!

CapeClod October 29, 2010 at 9:33 am

One of the reasons I enjoy Stienbeck is how he crafts such wonderful stories out of petty, spiteful characters who are prone to childish tantrums when they don't get their way.

Doglessliberal October 29, 2010 at 9:53 am

I read that book when I was 10, and I still remember how I could not shake that image of a soft broken-necked bunny. That Steinbeck, he could write a bit. I wonder if he had a PhD in creative writing?

Lascauxcaveman October 29, 2010 at 10:57 am

OMG George shoots Lenny at the end?!?


(Just don't tell me what happens to Rosasharn and her baby, or I'll never get around to finishing that book.)

el_donaldo October 29, 2010 at 11:11 am

No, no, it's O.K. Here's where spoilers are good. She gets her tits out in the end!

GOPCrusher October 29, 2010 at 2:40 pm

Next thing you know, someone's going to try to convince me that Rosebud was a sled.

Texan_Bulldog October 29, 2010 at 8:49 am

These 4 more days are going to feel like FIVE AND A HALF YEARS!!, ALAN (sorry, that's for old time Wonketteers). Let's just get this shit over with…

Monsieur_Grumpe October 29, 2010 at 9:06 am

Yes! Let’s get on with the 2012 campaigning. Yay?

elviouslyqueer October 29, 2010 at 9:57 am
Limeylizzie October 29, 2010 at 10:41 am

You'd think his first priority would be a chin implant.

neiltheblaze October 29, 2010 at 10:42 am

That man has the deadest eyes I've ever seen on anyone still breathing.

V572625694 October 29, 2010 at 10:54 am

Sweet Jeebus on a Popsicle stick, you frightened me. No way the human-turtle hybrid could entertain presidential aspirations.

HistoriCat October 29, 2010 at 12:03 pm

You do not deserve a thumbs down but the very thought of McConnell and 2012 campaigning led to give the idea serious consideration.

elviouslyqueer October 29, 2010 at 12:44 pm

I know, I know. But in my defense, Grumpe started it!

BaldarTFlagass October 29, 2010 at 9:29 am

Next Wednesday should be quite interesting here.

elviouslyqueer October 29, 2010 at 10:00 am

To gloss on something imissopus said yesterday, I for one do not welcome our demon-eyed, batshit insane, Constitution rollbacking, Obama impeaching overlords.

imissopus October 29, 2010 at 11:12 am

You say it much more vividly. One thousand whore diamond p-points!

elviouslyqueer October 29, 2010 at 11:28 am

Plus, I got to "verb" a noun. Huzzah! *high fives self*

Doglessliberal October 29, 2010 at 9:53 am

Ah, the old chestnuts are often the best. WALNUTS!!!!!

CapeClod October 29, 2010 at 10:13 am


OhNoGuy October 29, 2010 at 10:51 am

2008 nostalgia? TOO SOON!!

loquacioustunes October 29, 2010 at 8:49 am

"If you hire, knowingly hire undocumented workers, you know, there has to be a penalty for that."

Paging Lou Dobbs!

Katydid October 29, 2010 at 10:32 am

And Meg thinks her penalty should be getting elected governor.

slappypaddy October 29, 2010 at 8:50 am

my heart goes out to weeping meg at her painful dilemma. her story reminds me of the sad and stirring tale of gruppenfuhrer bruno schniffling, who was known for his touching and heartfelt way of weeping every time he had to put a bullet through the base of the skull of one of his loyal yet unfortunately credential-deprived servants as they knelt at his feet, their heads bowed in the shame of having sought to scrape out a living without having all their papers in order. bruno's black boots were so shiny! his heart was so pure! his aim was so true!

Limeylizzie October 29, 2010 at 10:43 am

And I am so moist.

undeterredbyreality October 29, 2010 at 11:01 am

Ha ha–"bruno schniffling"–great name, or greatest name ever?

4tehlulz_lite October 29, 2010 at 8:54 am

If my campaign protects us from [s]my[/s] one mexican maid, then it would have been worth it.

Sgt_Biyatch October 29, 2010 at 8:55 am

A Whitman aide, once a former Rand Paul advisor, later added, "Meg would like for her former nanny to apologize, to be honest with you.” The aide continued, “Santillan's a professional at what she does, and I think when all the facts come out, I think people will see that she was the one that initiated the whole thing.”

natoslug October 29, 2010 at 8:57 am

It's time to set up a penal colony for all these illegals. Ship them to Meg's Forehead.

ManchuCandidate October 29, 2010 at 8:58 am

Why should anyone be shocked about eMeg? She's a corprat execubot. Throwing people under the bus is the norm for them. One has to ask how many lives were sacrificed for her greater ambition and glory?

Hell, look at her "awesome" sons, rapey and ultra douchey. It makes you wonder what crimes they would have done if she actually raised them.

Chet Kincaid October 29, 2010 at 9:37 am

Just looked at the Rapey and Douchey news via Google. If they were browns, we would have shocked and awed Meg's forehead and perforated the asshole sons already.

Katydid October 29, 2010 at 10:35 am

Extra points for "rapey and ultra douchey."" Well done.

fuflans October 29, 2010 at 12:24 pm

nope, nope not going to look at rapey and douchey. just not going to do it.

on the plus side: if they need work, there's likely some random production of 'titus andronicus' in need of tamora's sons.

Badonkadonkette October 29, 2010 at 8:58 am

Steve Doocy knows the young girls in New York like Silly Bandz™.

Badonkadonkette October 29, 2010 at 9:01 am

Just remember, Meg: ¡Si se pueda!

weejee October 29, 2010 at 9:22 am

Or ¡Su ese puta!

MathIsHard October 29, 2010 at 9:06 am

4-yr-old Jimmy: "Do you wanna play doctor?"

4-yr-old Suzie: "MALPRACTICE!!!"

Allmighty_Manos October 29, 2010 at 9:08 am

As shitty as next Tuesday will be, I know I will find some solace in watching Whitman's $180 million dollar campaign crash and burn.

Serolf_Divad October 29, 2010 at 9:48 am

Meg Whitman, Karly Fiorina, Chrsitine O'Donnell…

It'll be an isolated little bit of joy watching them go down in flames.

Watching Joe Miller lose will be a bittersweet pleasure, too… though only bittersweet, as it will probably mean the election of Lisa Mrukhowthefuckdoyourspellitowski.

the_onceler October 29, 2010 at 10:09 am

Can I haz the dream of Scott McAdams winning in Alaska?

V572625694 October 29, 2010 at 10:57 am

Sorry, no. Dreams are scholiast. The new pols are realistic in their desires to end Medicare, roll back the Constitution, and deport all the Mexicans. These things can happen; that's why people vote for Republicans.

Plus: jerbs!

Negropolis October 30, 2010 at 4:50 am

Party like it's 1910, bitches!

JMPEsq October 29, 2010 at 11:35 am

Here's some good news: Miller's now dropped to third, so people's inability to spell Murkoski may be helping McAdams instead.

James Michael Curley October 29, 2010 at 11:36 am

Thousands of wite in ballots are thrown out every election, especially with scanners, when the voter merely writes in the name but doesn't fill in the Write In circle. The ballot goes through the scanner but doesn't get flagged as a write in. Additionally, when viewed with people eyes, the rules often require discounting the write in ballot if the circle is not filled in.

McAdams is now polling six points ahead of Miller and seven points behind Murkowski. If one out of 14.5 ballots for Murkowsi is discounted, McAdams wins.

GOPCrusher October 29, 2010 at 2:46 pm

OT but Palin has been busy stumping for Miller again, which could explain why Miller is losing traction in these final days. I think the most telling part of the article is the fact that Lisa Murkowski also refuses to say that Bible Spice is qualified to be President.

JMPEsq October 29, 2010 at 10:12 am

Great job wasting her own money there; as with Romney, not to mention Whitman's California failed CEO compatriot Fiorina, it's nice to see rich asshats throwing away their fortunes like this.

Come here a minute October 29, 2010 at 11:16 am

She should be sued by her heirs for negligence.

Negropolis October 30, 2010 at 4:51 am

I'm almost peeing myself.

James Michael Curley October 29, 2010 at 11:42 am

Don't forget Linda (Kick em in the crotch) McMahan who is now polling 14 points behind Bluementhal. She of the "I'll spend all it takes to win"

Mahousu October 29, 2010 at 9:10 am

[Juliet Breitman] was three months shy of turning 5 when Ms. Menagh was struck, and thus old enough to be sued.

See, that makes all the difference. Suing a 4-year-old would be ridiculous, but this hussy was four and three-quarters.

In fact, running down old ladies with your training-wheel bicycle is a well-known gang initiation rite. If the justice system can't step in and stop her now, how are they going to manage it when her training wheels come off?

BaldarTFlagass October 29, 2010 at 9:14 am

"What are you rebelling against?"

"Whaddaya got?"

V572625694 October 29, 2010 at 10:58 am

Five whore diamond/thumbies for "The Wild One" reference.

Zvi_Bleindmeis October 29, 2010 at 9:35 am

Try that little twat as an adult, goddammit!

x111e7thst October 29, 2010 at 9:10 am

Deport that illegal alien to MARS!

Monsieur_Grumpe October 29, 2010 at 9:13 am

OT. Sorry. I came across this last night.This graph should be printed out on sand paper, rolled up and inserted in ass of every Republican.

BaldarTFlagass October 29, 2010 at 9:27 am

"Obama is Creaming Bush"

Oh, the places this could go.

bitchincamaro2 October 29, 2010 at 9:33 am

That's one of those "bikini" graphs that always gets the attention of grumpe ole Wonketteers like you. (I think 50 grit should suffice, btw.)

Monsieur_Grumpe October 29, 2010 at 9:45 am

I'm feeling mean today. Fuck accuracy.

marinmaven October 29, 2010 at 9:19 am

Way to throw the woman who raised your kids and took care of your house so you can make billionty dollars. Only a fraction of it could have gone to a really good immigration lawyer to help her employee get legal. That is if she had a shred of decency. I hope she goes the way of Adrianna Huffington's ex-husband, where she spends all her money only to be crushed and defeated at the ballot box. *Sniff* It would "break my heart" but somehow I will muster the strength to carry on.

the_onceler October 29, 2010 at 10:09 am

will she then come out of the closet like Huffington?

imissopus October 29, 2010 at 11:05 am

In Meg's defense, her kids did turn out to be enormous douchebags.

James Michael Curley October 29, 2010 at 11:54 am

A good immigration lawyer like Christine O'Donnell?

Never met an immigration lawyer who defended a legal immigrant. Most of the cases are the poorest immigrants and the lawyer gets the fees for the defense from Uncle Sam. Then, if they lose, they protract the cases endlessly, incurring more fees paid by Uncle Sam.

If Cristine O'Donnell were not such a joke she would be a screaming dangerous, "I got mine from the Feds, you can't have yours." hypocrite.

OTmasturbatoryH, she is both.

lumpenprole October 29, 2010 at 12:44 pm

Huffington's good, but I've been thinking of Al Checchi all year.

Tundra Grifter October 29, 2010 at 9:19 am

I believe there was an (unfortunately) brief period of time when folks without stinking papers could obtain a California driver's license legally.

Yes, sanity broke out and the powers that be found an advantage in having drivers actually knowing the law – and having proper insurance.

I know the right wing nutz yelled about the forged driver's license that made Mrs. Whitman's case a stone cold lock – but I think that's just another lie.

Doglessliberal October 29, 2010 at 9:57 am

I wonder how many morans who rail against health care reform screamed about people (brown ones) driving around without insurance?

DaSandman October 29, 2010 at 9:23 am

Wait a sec, why don't we start deporting billionaire bulldog faced bottle blonds who can't control their own children? Caring and responsibility start in one's own mansion.

weejee October 29, 2010 at 9:25 am

Sell Meg on eBay to some North African Bedouin.

BaldarTFlagass October 29, 2010 at 9:43 am

Maybe lease her fivehead out for use as a solar power collector panel.

BeWoot October 29, 2010 at 10:35 am

Her Buy It Now price is a little steep. Plus, bedouin the Megster is really punishment, not pleasure.

Tundra Grifter October 29, 2010 at 12:25 pm

Wasn't that a Sean Connery movie? I'd still take Brooke Shields over Meg Whitman.

Oops! It was Candice Bergan.

I've been to the zoo – you don't want to be downwind from the Lion.

bitchincamaro2 October 29, 2010 at 9:29 am

"If Jerry Brown is the next governor of California, a Democratic governor with a Democratically controlled Legislature, you won't recognize California in two or three or four years," she said.

Wait. I thought passage of Prop 19 was supposed to be responsible for that. Oh, I get it. "Brown" is down for the "browns". Uh huh.

the_onceler October 29, 2010 at 10:11 am

I betcha that the Republicans will start a recall petition in a about 6 months. If that happens, I demand credit for calling it!

GeorgiaBurning October 29, 2010 at 6:36 pm

They're already working on it. Cockroaches never sleep. If Meg is smart she'll stash a million or ten just in case.

OCKerouac October 29, 2010 at 1:06 pm

I simply cannot image what California will look like if it is allowed to become a bastion of liberalism…

Wait… Meg knows she's not running for Governor in 1910, right?

PublicLuxury October 29, 2010 at 9:30 am

I heard Meg whisper to her aid, "When are the brown going to learn their place?" Meg's Latina aid quickly called INS and turned Meg in for being an illegal alien of mutant form. Meg has been sequestered in an underground facility located deep in the mountains of Wyoming.

chickensmack October 29, 2010 at 9:33 am

Why do Republicans have this continuing penchant for hiring illegals? Didn't they learn from the Democrats who stopped doing this shit back in the 90's?

imissopus October 29, 2010 at 11:08 am

To be fair, Meg never so much as voted in the '90s so she probably wasn't paying attention to what the Dems were doing as far as hiring the help.

Negropolis October 30, 2010 at 5:00 am

Republicans learn? They don't need to learn, anything. They have money. Learning is for suckers who can't buy their way out of their fuck-ups.

chickensmack October 30, 2010 at 4:03 pm

I am SO stealing this.

mrblifil October 29, 2010 at 9:37 am

Stay away from 87-year old ladies strolling on the sidewalk, kiddies, and if they lay out a big plate of apples on Halloween, check for razor blades.

JustPixelz October 29, 2010 at 9:39 am

It only "breaks her heart" because she knows this woman. (Or maybe because she got caught. Or maybe because she now has to pay retail for her housecleaning.) The "stronger electronic verification" would only mean that Ms Whitman's would have kicked Ms Santillan out sooner, with less heartbreak for at least one of the women.

OCKerouac October 29, 2010 at 1:08 pm

Does 'stronger electronic verification' sound to anyone else like a call for all browns to wear shock collars?

GOPCrusher October 29, 2010 at 2:51 pm

They're going to anyway, if Rand Paul's electric anti-immigration fence is going to work.

Monsieur_Grumpe October 29, 2010 at 9:41 am

“He (the judge) concluded that there was no evidence of Juliet’s “lack of intelligence or maturity” or anything to “indicate that another child of similar age and capacity under the circumstances could not have reasonably appreciated the danger of riding a bicycle into an elderly woman.””

This judge has never been around a 4 year old much less a 4 year riding a bike with training wheels. Stopping is a concept that some adults never master.

chascates October 29, 2010 at 9:42 am

If they don't comport you must deport.

JustPixelz October 29, 2010 at 9:44 am

Hey Meg! Turn those lemons into lemonade. If people could sell their citizenship on eBay, the immigrants could just buy their way in. Or maybe some billionaire lady could pay the auction price. Who would sell their right to live here? Retirees who always wanted to travel.

imissopus October 29, 2010 at 11:09 am

After Tuesday, probably about half the people on this board.

OCKerouac October 29, 2010 at 1:10 pm

Meg's newest business venture E-migration…

Mindblank October 29, 2010 at 9:45 am

Mean bitch cries crocodile tears. "This will hurt me more than you!" Bite my ass, lady.

Buzz Feedback October 29, 2010 at 9:45 am

Do they refund your insertion/final value fees when you deport your illegal housekeeper?

Kevin Stowell October 29, 2010 at 9:52 am

"she has already spent hundreds of millions of her own dollars"

Unlike your average DemoKlanPerson, she must have been very industrious.

HurricaneAli October 29, 2010 at 9:55 am

This does not make me want to vote for Meg Whitman, no sir. Because if I vote for her she'll blame me for when the California economy goes further into the crapper. Even if I lived in California I would not vote for this woman.

JMPEsq October 29, 2010 at 10:00 am

Does the old lady realize that most four-year-olds don't actually have any assets? Maybe she can garnish the kid's allowance.

Guppy06 October 29, 2010 at 10:20 am

The old lady in question is dead. Being old, the fall required hip surgery, and she died three weeks later.

Gleem_McShineys October 29, 2010 at 4:12 pm

So you can't take it with you, but you can get it from some whippersnapper later?

Failed_2_Menace October 29, 2010 at 10:37 am

Somewhere, Orly Taitz shakes her head while reading of Whitman's naivete in her morning paper, and bellows through a maw full of French toast, "SHOO HAB ASSED FOAH WONG FOAM BOOF SUTTIFIKATE!"

Sue4466 October 29, 2010 at 10:56 am

Of course she can be deported now. Whitman's already hired her replacement.

Sue4466 October 29, 2010 at 10:57 am

In the article, Whitman says "On Nov. 3, no one's going to care about Nicky Diaz."

Except maybe Nicky Diaz and her family.

the_onceler October 29, 2010 at 11:40 am

they are "illegal aliens", so they are not human. so they do not have feelings.

OCKerouac October 29, 2010 at 1:14 pm

Whitman went on to explain "Especially me."

Sue4466 October 29, 2010 at 1:19 pm

and then mumbled "Hell, it's not like I ever thought about the help before that Gloria Allred bitch dragged her out into the spotlight."

Negropolis October 30, 2010 at 5:06 am

When I heard her say that on the television, I quite literally winced. Everybody latched onto the first part of her interview, but I thought that line was the most damning quote of them all. It just shows what kind of sociopath she is.

Sue4466 October 30, 2010 at 9:04 am

Because people are only important to the extent they affect her lives. And she's really complaining that Allred brought this woman forward. She said something to the effect that Allred is the one who created the problem. This is a woman who campaigns about the evils of "illegal messicans" but the problem is not her breaking the law or her own hypocrisy, it's that it was brought to light. But then she says the woman should be deported because the law is the law and must be respected. That is some twisted fucking thinking that essentially boils down to the law is the law only as applied to "those people," but not richie riches like Whitman.

I am not surprised by this. I'm just appalled (again) that the media isn't really concentrating on the true pathology.

Sue4466 October 29, 2010 at 11:45 am

<smacks head> How could I have forgotten that?! silly me.

el_chupacabra October 29, 2010 at 12:12 pm

Can i sue the babies in those strollers that self-important asshole super-moms plow through me on sidewalks with? Cuz they's clearly drivin'

OCKerouac October 29, 2010 at 1:02 pm

Poor Meg. She should have hit the Buy It Now button instead of getting into a bidding war. At least she can flame Governor Brown with negative feedback.

OCKerouac October 29, 2010 at 1:13 pm

In her defense, I am the proud owner of a handful of two-tone collections on vynil thanks to the power of E-bay.

Wait… Does that make me a Meg Whitman success story?

GOPCrusher October 29, 2010 at 2:54 pm

Carly would have tanked the house and sent the children to India.

DemmeFatale October 29, 2010 at 5:25 pm

I also love it when they do the "I'm not a politician, but business-person" shtick, cause big swinging dicks are known for consensus building and compromise.

(Like we didn't already suffer enough from 8 years of that idiot bidnessman from Texas!)

zhubajie October 29, 2010 at 6:15 pm

Does the housekeeper know where the bodies are buried? Can she write or dictate or channel or something a kiss-and-tell book? She looks a lot more attractive than Whitman; did Mr Whitman thinks so to? I'm sure there's all kinds of gossip and scandal she could give us.

PhillipMarlowe6 October 29, 2010 at 7:16 pm

In that picture of Meg and the Latinas, the second one from the left looks awfully Asian.
Just saying.

For us Marylanders, will Bobby Ehrlich be hiring any Philly homeless dudes this election?

NotMother? October 30, 2010 at 4:37 am

Political consultant from Arnold's campaign: $90,000/month
Spokesperson from McCain campaign: $20,000/month
Hair and makeup: $8.95
Blowing $160,000,000 to plaster California with attack ads for months and losing in a landslide: priceless

Negropolis October 30, 2010 at 5:10 am

I love the GOP's "don't ask, don't tell" when it come to the issue of immigration.

kenlayisalive October 31, 2010 at 1:42 am

I guess it is just back to punching hapless ebay employees now.

CaptainSwing2nd October 31, 2010 at 3:36 am

She wouldn't have even had to actually hire Ms. Fiorina – The mere threat of doing so would have been enough to turn Beavis and Butthead into the Von Trapp children.

"Now listen up, ya' little turds. One more peep and I pick up the phone… and you all know what she did to Hewlett Packard."

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