Win of the Afternoon!If the Tea Party Era has taught us anything, it’s that America’s problems go far beyond common illiteracy. There’s something much stranger and more horrible at work within the shrunken heads and giant bellies of the Teabaggers. They just might be space alien parasites, trying hard to fit in and basically succeeding. Think about it: If a blog comment anywhere else on the Internet included the line, “You do not have a clear worthly Wokette skum,” would anyone even notice?

Apparently in reaction to Wonkette’s unenthusiastic post about the now infamous-yet-bland “Christine O’Donnell made out with some guy a couple years ago” post on Gawker, a commenter who named himself “kublakant” offers this critique, or praise, or maybe a recipe for lemon rat soup:

Christine O’Donnel the only one that can save us Delaware from sin is in Washington. You do not have a clear worthly Wokette skum, your opinions and your sense of humor and the absurd attempt to make something useful of your life you will try to hate it. try to find a job that you are all unemployed, or at least outside the house since occasionallt. This entire blog can be shipped to Afghanistan, no one has lost any

And that shall be our new “catchphrase.” Whenever anything happens, at all, we will yell in unison, “This entire blog can be shipped to Afghanistan, no one has lost any . . . . “

Donate with CCDonate with CC
  • Troubledog

    And nothing of value was lost.

  • bitchincamaro2

    Submit your "I totally jacked off to that comment" comment, here:

    • awesome_dude


    • the_problem_child

      I'm sitting on a towel right now.

      • awesome_dude

        Hey so do you have plans tonight?

    • You're soaking in it.

    • LionelHutzEsq


    • Lascauxcaveman

      Bleeding from that part is not a good sign.

    • Gleem_McShineys

      "no one has lost any "

      WRONG space lizard parasite person!


    • loquacioustunes

      That is like the "Alexis Texas and Belladonna fingering each other while Ron Jeremy spews fountains of jizzum on their faces" of comments.

    • BarackMyWorld

      I hit it….for great justice.

    • I tottaly jacked off to that comment, Also Second Amendment Remedies."

      • LionelHutzEsq

        So that is what that means.

    • chickensmack

      I, and my monitor, are wet with giddy, relaxed elation.

    • Extemporanus

      Does anyone have some duct tape and Neosporin?

    • elviouslyqueer

      Ancient Chinese secret, huh?

    • HateMachine

      That's not funny, my brother died that way

    • GOPCrusher

      All your base are belong to us!

  • Limeylizzie

    Is Occasionallt before or after Yom Kippur?

  • Serolf_Divad

    Very Gertrude Stein… I like it.

  • neiltheblaze

    That has to be a form of aphasia.

  • SmutBoffin

    "Wokette"? Was this email supposed to go to a Foodie blog?

    • glindsey1979

      I hereby nominate "Wokette" as Wonkette's sister site for food-related posts (like how Wonkabout talks about DC locations).

      • glamourdammerung

        I am not sure too many of us have stomachs capable of digesting solid food anymore.

      • OhNoGuy

        Stir fried rat dicks?

        (See how long I've held off using this trope? Time's right though.)

    • Extemporanus

      Weren't the Wokettes Fozzie Bear's back-up dancers?

      • Terry

        Wocka wocka wocka

    • PsycWench

      He had a lisp and thought he was addressing the Rockettes.

      • DoktorZoom

        Wewease Wodney!

  • PublicLuxury

    Meth Lab owner, operator and user?

    Drunken old white guy with a handful of Viagra?

    Christine O'Donnell's puddin' cup man deliriously ranting because his balls are purple and swelled to the size of soft balls from deprivation?

    Ken Layne is that you?

    • LionelHutzEsq

      Any reason it can't be all of the above?

      • PublicLuxury

        Ken Layne is Christine O'Donnell's puddin' cup man???? OMG who'd a thunk it. Scandalized. Horrified, Demonfied

        • HistoriCat

          And yet … strangely aroused.

    • BeWoot

      Josh Fruhlinger. He's all pissed off about the dental coverage.

  • MistaEko

    "no one has lost any" can be used like the "I accidentally 220 MB of of memory" meme, right?

    • LionelHutzEsq

      All your Wonkette are belong to us!

      • BarackMyWorld

        Beat me to it, you worthly skum!

  • Toomush_Infer

    Really, was this one of my Community College students…? It's just so hard to figure out which one…

    • Hey I resemble taht remark, I can spellz gud. I no how two do stuff.

    • DoktorZoom

      I read a student paper that referred to Michelangelo's masterpiece, "the sealing of the Sixteenth Chapel."

      • HistoriCat

        The original film is a cult classic but the new remake is complete shit.

      • I though Geraldo unsealed the Sixteenth Chapel live on CBS back in the 80's…

  • glamourdammerung

    And yet they still somehow manage to be more coherent than the Breitards that are organizing trolling runs here.

  • PublicLuxury

    I'd hit that.

  • savethispatient

    When this blog is shipped to Afghanistan, I will worry about the latency and up-time. I mean, server costs can be expensive, but I fear Afghan hosting services may not be very reliable, Ken. But who knows, give it go.

    • BarackMyWorld

      We hav 2 fite them over their, so we don't hav 2 fite them ovr hear!!!

    • elfgoldsackring

      On the upside, I hear they make awesome poppy seed cake over there.

      • OhNoGuy

        Can't stop eating it.

      • Crank_Tango

        hash! hash! hash! etc. etc. etc.!

    • BaldarTFlagass

      On the other hand, I know where all the good bars and "Chinese Drilling Establishments" in Kabul are! Maybe I can get hired to write the Wonkabout Kabul Edition.

      • HistoriCat

        I'm already tormenting myself by reading Arielle's restaurant descriptions and thinking "man, am I hungry." No way am I going to read your Chinese Drilling articles.

  • fuflans

    baggers. the abstract expressionists of the political blogosphere.

  • OneYieldRegular

    If I'd written that, I wouldn't be complaining to Wonkette. I'd be hunting down every teacher I ever had.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      It's not always fair to blame the teacher. Many underfunded school districts just don't have the resources to identify special needs students in time to help them.

      – A Wonkette Public Service Announcement

      • OhNoGuy

        We just grab some baseball bats and go door to door, looking for them.

        Slower Delaware Bored of Eduja, Edjak, never mind, just us guys here in Delaware.

      • Terry

        Sure, but then ther are the kids who cut class to do drugs in the woods. I'm voting that this person fried brain cells rather than having been born with less than usual.

      • OneYieldRegular

        I do know that, and have great love for teachers, even some mediocre ones. So I also wanted to write: "and every politician who's ever advocated cutting education funding," but I couldn't get it to rhyme.

    • reliefsinn

      Every teacher that person ever had has committed hari-kari by now.

    • LionelHutzEsq

      You forgot the obvious: Home Schooled.

      • deelzebub

        it's spelled hom skuled

    • Barrelhse

      And what would you do when you found her?

  • PublicLuxury

    Christine is going to give the Congresscritters a cleansing bath? What a cock tease…

  • hankkissinger

    It's like the "all your base are belong to us" screed of 2010.

    Make our time, indeed.

  • finallyhappy

    It sounds like someone for whom English is not a first language but I am not sure what the first language would be- Wookie? Stupidstan?

    • Fare la Volpe

      It sounds beautiful in the original Klingon.

    • PublicLuxury

      Dumbfukistan. They learn them buhbays good

    • PsycWench

      I think English is maybe the fourth or fifth language and learned entirely off reading the English version of instructions for assembling cheap toys.

  • Fare la Volpe

    Huh. Well it's good to know Kevin is diverse in his trolling targets.

    • Kitty_Sanchez

      I'm kindof a newbie here. Who's Kevin?

      • Fare la Volpe

        Kevin Sowell. Troll. You can point him out by his frequent (unironic) word salading.

      • transfatz

        Ever read Kipling's "Road Song of the Bandar Log"? That's Kevin.
        He arrives with his au pair di_da_is_alpha who can actually write and read when politely engaged on the subjects of caliber, bullet penetration, expansion, knockdown power, muzzle energy etc.

        • Yeah, but not on any other subject. He's like Neilist without the charm or sense of humor.

  • EdFlintstone

    De-evolution is no longer just a theory.

  • These people…how is that they can't spell Wonkette, O'Donnell, or occasionally, but have no trouble mashing out Afghanistan correctly? Must be all the war porn they read on Redstate and wherever.

    • problemwithcaring

      Right? At first I was thinking, well spell check can't save someone from proper name misspelling and bad grammar, but "skum"? Come the fuck on.

    • Kitty_Sanchez

      Easy to explain: they'll trip you up by occasionally getting something right, but it's not a sign of hidden intellect — it's just a random accident.

    • DoktorZoom

      Could be it's so massively hard that they cut and paste it, rather than attempting to type it themselves?

  • chascates

    We now have proof what a million monkeys pounding away on computers can come up with.

    • Fare la Volpe

      Christine O'Donnell?

    • More proof that the conservative blogosphere is reaching Trig levels of sentience.

    • Jerri

      Proving that it is indeed the blurst of times.

    • OhNoGuy

      How do you do that? 2 hours before me and right below me? Are you looking over my shoulder in an alternative universe?

  • smokefilledroommate

    I will always try to hate it.

  • CapnFatback

    Afghanistan, eh? Oh, yeah, well, I got one thing to say to you, pal: "Read, maybe you learn something."

    (Tweaked and shamelessly replugged.)

  • This entire blog Teabagger can be shipped to Afghanistan, no one has lost any…

    And nobody would miss 'em either…

  • OkieDokieDog

    Oh my. Ouch. Well I guess “kublakant” really told you off.

  • Kitty_Sanchez

    Movin' to Afganistan,
    Gonna be a worthly Wokette skum.

  • Obviously it must be said: today we are all Wokette skum.

    • bagofmice

      I thought we were a cunt-squad?

    • transfatz

      Shameless p-point whore! *jealous*

      • I understand that when I hit 90 I get a set of steak knives.

        • BaldarTFlagass

          Three days since I hit that vaunted mark, Ed McMahon still hasn't shown up at the house with my Ginsus. Or the giant check.

  • He was jealous that all of the good jokes about pubic hair grooming had already been made. That's what the conversation was about, right? O'Donnell pudenda?

    • DoktorZoom

      And pudend-cup beards.

  • EdFlintstone

    Kublakant is obviously upset, he's a big bush fan.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    I am humbled by his/her/its writing. I think this now makes me the humblest person in the world.

  • jus_wonderin

    I swear that passage reads like one of those spam mails that gathers a bag of words and then throws them into the body text to simulate a real email that can get past the spam filter.

    Ken, do NOT click the links that accompany the email. You will then be deluged with offers for "the little blue pill" and have nightmares of Bob and Liddy Dole.

  • Limeylizzie


    • Barrelhse

      I thought that was with a "C."

    • transfatz

      Kublakunt: A stately pleasure dome. Caverns measureless to man.

      • deelzebub

        If it's that cavernous, it can't be very pleasurable.

  • HempDogbane

    “You do not have a clear worthly Wokette skum”

    Well, do you?

    • Fare la Volpe

      Does it to you?

    • Extemporanus

      Fucking Scientologists…

    • transfatz

      My Wokette skum has been somewhat cloudy of late. Could I have Joe Miller discharge?

  • JustPixelz

    Could be Afghanistan will lead to some improvements.

    Will wonkette be the Kandahar Gossip? Will the logo be a burka wearing glasses underneath? What will Cord's column be called?

  • slappypaddy

    as much of this shit as shows up in wonkette's purview, i'm beginning to wonder if it's all being generated by a single perverted idiot savant locked away in some basement somewhere, being fed corn syrup, cheetohs, carefully rationed doses of meth, and thimbles full of everclear and as long as he keeps the weird ramblings and rantings churning out.

    no, it's not me.

    • elfgoldsackring

      So what are you suggesting this savant is actually good at? Fingerpainting masterpieces using its own excrement?

      • neiltheblaze

        You laugh, but his Last Supper is amazing.

        • transfatz

          I just had to put the power washer into my ear.

          • neiltheblaze

            Always glad to help.

    • Gleem_McShineys

      This sort of sounds like a pretty cool gig, all things considered. Do I submit my CV to Breitbart, or Crossroads Media?

  • Extemporanus

    Worthly Wokette Cunt Skum Brigade, assemble!

    • bagofmice

      Now THAT's what I'm talkin 'bout.

    • elviouslyqueer

      Form of: vagina dentata!

      • Extemporanus

        Shape of: a dildo mallet!

    • transfatz

      Occasionallt Text Ho!

  • BarackMyWorld

    Everyone look under their chairs…I'm giving out "thumbs up" whore diamonds on this thread, Oprah-style!

    YOU get a Thumbs-Up Whore Diamond! YOU get a Thumbs-Up Whore Diamond!

    YOU get a Thumbs-Up Whore Diamond!

    YOU get a Thumbs-Up Whore Diamond!


    • CalamityJames

      Dammit! I'm not in the live audience!

  • LionelHutzEsq

    Clearly the poster was overcome with lust when thinking of Christine O'Donnell and dear ol' Wonkette, and had to rub one out before finishing his/her post.

    And to think what was lost because of that lack of control. Why, it makes you

  • elfgoldsackring

    Shittiest voice transcription software ever, or scarily accurate?


    In Washington did kublakant
    A sinful Capital-dome did see
    Where Potomac, the dirty river, ran
    Through caverns measureless to man
    Down to a sunless sea.

    • Amo_of_Bogio

      Coleridge vs. illiterate word salad – wins the internets.

      • OhNoGuy

        No, no, no. Kublakant was written by Calvin Coolidge, not this Coleridge jag-off. Get it RIGHT!

        • DoktorZoom

          "Calvin Coleridge" would make an AWESOME internets pseudonym.

    • ReturnToMetal

      I applaud and bow. A masterwork.

    • Barrelhse

      But what did Xana do?

    • 4TheTurnstiles

      Weave a circle round him thrice
      And close your eyes in holy dread
      For he on Thorazine hath fed
      And drunk the milk of Pair-o'-Thighs.

  • kenlayisalive

    Wow, I wish I could be that drunk by the end of work day.

  • V572625694

    NO ONE has lost ANY!
    No one has lost ANY?
    No…one has lost. Any?
    No! One has lost any?
    No. One has. Lost any?

    • DoktorZoom

      Maybe it's at a video store?

      No one has Lost! Any?

    • ReturnToMetal

      NO ONE HAS! Lost any?

      I don't have the Excedrin to allow me to wrap my head around this one.

    • el_donaldo

      I LOVE the Talking Heads.

      • V572625694

        Thinking more of Pynchon: “You never did the Kenosha Kid?”

  • JackObin

    I've noticed there are not enough fat, stupid people here in god's country.

  • Rev_Lemonjello

    And written with the eloquence of an Uzbeki immigrant.

  • Neilist

    Mr. Layne.

    As Wonkette's Conservative (Bad) Conscience, I must admonish you for that "story."

    For shame, Sir. For shame!

    There are so many things wrong, so many things that violate Wonkette's Code of Ethics and Journalistic Thoroughness.

    First, and most important: No NUDE photographs. The Red-Eyed Demon From Hell look is okay. But did you notice that she's STILL wearing clothes? We want SKIN in here, Mr. Layne. S-K-I-N.

    Second: This line: "I won't get into the nitty gritty details of what happened between the sheets that evening."

    Damnit, man, any editor worth his salt would have stayed on this subject until he had details (invented or otherwise), to equal those of that classic of American literature and reportage, "I Fucked Ann Coulter In The Ass — HARD!" Have you no sense of your obligations to your readers? Have you?

    Third: "Christine informed me that she was a virgin." That sentence clearly implies that, in Ms. O'Donnell's view, oral and anal sex don't count. But did you ASK? I can assure you, sir, that these issues count to US, your readers.

    Do your job, Mr. Layne. You, too, can be replaced.


  • aguacatero

    As Dwayme and Garf would say, "We're not worthly! We're not worthly!"

  • kublakant

    How dare give me the day worthly Wokette skum victory. How dare call me a teabagger Internet Trolls I have met. My useless degree in English are spelled the name mistakenly coherent position of all I write. Then, Chinese, Basque and English translation using Google Translate. Thank you interesting comments, rectal prolapse, you libtard differences.

    • the_problem_child

      Wokette skum is Internet Trolls I have met.

      -A libtard difference.

    • OhNoGuy


    • DoktorZoom

      You had me at "rectal prolapse."

      • Extemporanus

        So kublakant had you in the end?

    • CapnFatback

      Say, what happened to the Kublakant Allen Greene post in this thread that was mysteriously in a different voice (i.e. almost perfectly coherent)? Hmmm . . . now why would that have been deleted?

    • elviouslyqueer

      Um, Sarah? You're butt-tweeting again.

    • GOPCrusher

      Rectal prolapse? I LOL'd

  • neiltheblaze

    Who am us anyway?

    • OhNoGuy

      Sam, I am.

      Kind of like, "Call me Ishmael" if you're under the age of 6.

      • Barrelhse

        Christ, I thought you were 'Enery the Eighth.

  • rocktonsam

    "Wokette Skum."

    Dibs on the tee shirt concessions.

    • HOFAH

      "You will never find a more wretched hive of skum and villainy"

      Do you think the alternate spelling of scum will be enough to keep George Lucas and his lawyers away?

  • gvvt

    My god, I feel he was speaking directly to me. I see. I see. I HAVE INDEED NOT A CLEAR WORTHLY SKUM! Ship me off to Afghanistan!! I HAVE NOT LOST ANY!!!!!

  • HAL_9001

    So, clearly, the Penthouse letter was written by a 25 year old Republican operative with a degree in creative writing to create sympathy for COD among Democrats and prove to Teabaggers that even under most trying circumstances (drunk, naked, with a sexy Boy Scout) she remains re-virgined.

  • murkwski

    now i'm curious – how're you going to yell " . . . ."?

  • NorthStarSpanx

    A Teabagger's rational plea to stem the arterial bleeding of Joe Miller's Senate run:

    Ahh, nothing like the stench of snark from a leftist! It’s people like this author that make Americans so so happy to see people like Joe Miller stand up. Joe may be a horribly flawed candidate, and arguably a flawed man, but BY GOD ABOVE HE IS NOT A PROGRESSIVE, AMERICAN HATING LEFTIST!

    Here’s a little snark from an American….. Where the bleep do leftist progressives come from? Is it public education, dumb parents, failed churches and communities, poor history lessons, hatred for freedom, need to be controlled and controlling, mind numbing media propaganda…. etc etc etc.??? How does one come to view the world w/ such venom for Limited Government, such hatred for State’s Rights and Individual Responsibility, such contempt for Free Enterprise and Private Property and such disdain for American Exceptionalism? How? The leftist progressive view IS NOT compatible w/ the American mindset. What part of Don’t Tread on Me and/or Swim at your own risk is so hard to understand? Just exactly how does one come to think the Federal Government has the authority to tell me what kind of light bulbs to buy or what kind of toilet to put in my house? How can anyone think for even a second that I am responsible for some cat in Peoria’s healthcare? Etc etc. It’s disturbing. How does one form that mindset and then have the gall to think an American is gonna be nice to them? There is no moral requirement to tolerate progressive leftists’ policies in the Federal Government ergo there is no moral requirement to be nice to a leftist. Thinking more steeped in Marx and Mao than Jefferson and Adams, and welcomed and championed by Chavez and Castro is NOT welcome in this land. Yes, leftists DO have the RIGHT to spew hatred for America. But don’t ever forget, Americans have the RESPONSIBILITY to tell them to go to hell.

    Go Joe Go!

    • I remember that episode of The Waltons. God, John-Boy could be such a dick.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      *points and says HA HA like Nelson Muntz*

  • ReturnToMetal

    This reminds me of the "death threat" Hugh Laurie received on the fourth season of "A Bit of Fry and Laurie," (sent, as it turned out by 'm'colleague' Stephen Fry). Trouble is, this one was sent in jest, not by an actual crazed lunatic.

    The "death threat."

    "Dear Sir or Madam,

    You are a cow son bastard sucking mental. You die heavily in throat ripping everywhere. Don't like the Queen, this country. (Spelt wrong.) For tear out lungs and replace with portable clothes. [Yes, Please] National Service, who is she? Stripping scrotum through eary leery pastures of deep smell.

    (Signed) M. Pontillo"

    BTW: The bit is pretty funny, too. Turns out Stephen sent the letter trying to keep Hugh from doing his weekly song. When it doesn't work, Stephen's reply is, "That's 30 pence package and postage down the drain."

    I don't mean to sound like a commercial, but if you like Hugh in "House" or Hugh and Stephen in such things as "Jeeves & Wooster" and the "Black Adder" series, you'll love "A Bit of Fry and Laurie," Fry and Laurie's BBC TV show from 1987-1990, available on DVD. (Damn, I do sound like a commercial.)

  • Jukesgrrl

    Yes we kant.

    • AddHomonym

      Categorically, imperatively, we kant.

  • HAL_9001

    So clearly, this Penthouse letter was written by a 25 year old Republican operative with a degree in creative writing to get the Democrat sympathy vote while reassuring Teabaggers that even in the most dire of circumstances (drunk, naked and in the company of sexy Boy Scout) COD remains revirginated.

  • el_donaldo

    oh, yes, 29 plus whore diamond stars for Gravity's Rainbow references these days.

  • transfatz

    Probably not.
    That wave of sympathy can sure get the towel wet though.

  • lochnessmonster

    Just imagine their post AFTER they begin drinking.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Does this mean we are supposed to go and give old kubla a thumbs up? Because I did.

  • whuzzat

    The syntax in these emails resemble many posts on, therefore, either teabagger pets have joined the rantfest, or someone is not getting enough corn syrup in their diet before they owlishly peck at the qwerty.

  • GunTotingProgressive

    Wow, and I was the first to reply with a "WTF" comment… How much pee do I get for that?

  • Doglessliberal

    Oh, Ken, just when I think you have given us the batshittiest comment, you come up with one that makes it look sane. I heart Wokette, even though I work outside the home more than occasionallt.

  • BlueinVA

    It's free verse. Just needs a little re-formatting, is all:

    Christine O’Donnel!
    The only one that can save us
    From sin
    Is in Washington.

    You do not have a clear worthly Wokette skum!
    Your opinions, and
    Your sense of humor, and
    The absurd attempt to make something useful of your life —
    You will try to hate it…
    Try to find a job that you are all unemployed
    Or at least outside the house…
    Since …

    This entire blog can be shipped to Afghanistan
    No one has lost

  • HistoriCat

    Immanuel Kant and Kublai Khan? That's an odd couple.

  • notreelyhelping

    Jandek, is that you? Clearly a missunderstoods genuis at wrok:

    Christine O’Donnel
    the only one that can
    save us Delaware
    from sin is in
    Washington you
    do not have a clear
    worthly Wokette
    skum your opinions and
    your sense of humor
    and the absurd
    attempt to make something
    useful of your life
    you will try
    to hate it try
    to find a job
    that you
    are all unemployed
    or at least
    outside the house
    since occasionallt
    this entire blog
    can be shipped
    to Afghanistan no
    one has lost

    • Barrelhse

      glazed with rain

      beside the white

  • LakeLucilleLoon

    Trig, is that you?

    • Barrelhse

      I love a chance to make fun of Trig. But I always liked spaz jokes, too. I'm very open-minded that way.

  • Worthy Wokette Skum

    I am obliged to disagree.

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