KNIGHTS OF CAUCASIA  6:30 pm October 28, 2010

Fox News Sets Up Voter Intimidation Tip Line To Protect You From Blacks

by Jack Stuef

For years, ACORN and the New Black Panthers have stood outside polling stations to intimidate US. Why would a good (white) citizen even try to go into such a place? Obviously, they would be murdered on the spot. And yes, although democracy is worth dying for, it’s not worth dying and MISSING A WHOLE SEASON OF NCIS or Ghost Whisperer or whatever the old people watch on their CBS. Thankfully, Fox News is rescuing us from these scary dark-skinned people, by setting up an e-mail tip line of their own so that you can fire up the AOL and alert them that a real, live black person has been spotted in your hamlet this election day.

In a segment on Megyn Kelly’s show today, she explained that the Justice Department “has promised to be on the lookout for what it calls voter intimidation next week.”

In other words, the Justice Department is looking to HIRE SOCIALIST “CENSUS” WORKERS to stand outside the votin’ box and the general store and look at you with their black-people eyes. Thus, it’s important that Fox has its own real voter suppression effort. And perhaps hires some people dressed up as werewolves to scare the people scaring the innocent little conservative white voters. [TPM via Wonkette operative "Beth M."]

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writechic October 28, 2010 at 6:34 pm

I see black people.

guangho October 29, 2010 at 10:08 am

And they're not mowing my lawn or cooking my food or raising my kids. Whatever happened to my country?

edgydrifter October 28, 2010 at 6:35 pm

Spelling your name "Megyn" seems uncomfortably "ethnic" to me. I'd better report her to the proper authorities at Fox just to be safe.

kenlayisalive October 28, 2010 at 6:36 pm

I think her ethnicity is dumb white cunt.

kenlayisalive October 28, 2010 at 7:14 pm

too soon?

savethispatient October 28, 2010 at 7:11 pm

Welsh isn't that much of a 'scary' ethnicity, it just has scary spelling…

Rarian Rakista October 28, 2010 at 7:31 pm

The Welsh might have some toothless ginger inbreds but so does any population with isolated rural communities.

elfgoldsackring October 28, 2010 at 8:15 pm

It's short for "Me gynaecological abnormalities bring all the boys to the yard"

bumfug October 28, 2010 at 7:52 pm

I figured Megyn was like ObGyn except she just fingered herself under the desk. On air.

Tommmcattt October 28, 2010 at 6:37 pm

Lord, I am SO not going to watch that little paranoia-porn clip.

OhNoGuy October 28, 2010 at 9:30 pm

Looks like it's gone now. Lost your chance. Dummy.

ifthethunderdontgetya October 28, 2010 at 6:41 pm

FAUX Nooze: shouting the N-word at a crowded Klan meeting (aka their audience), forever.

kittylittr October 28, 2010 at 7:17 pm

FoxNews will be launching a phone sex line. "To hear Megyn Kelly read Dr. Laura's N word rant, press one. Two hear closeted gay Republicans rail at length and in unsettling detail about homosexual practices, press two."

PublicLuxury October 28, 2010 at 6:43 pm

If I see any brown I leavin' town. Right after I call Megyn Kelly and tell her about the bad brown that seeped into my neighborhood. When are the brown going to learn thei place? Those uppity brown ________

If FOX NEWS fell off the planet I would rejoice.

anniegetyourfun October 28, 2010 at 6:46 pm

Woah. That portion of Megyn Kelly's face looks a bit like Michael Jackson's. Have you ever seen them in the same room together? Have you?

HistoriCat October 29, 2010 at 9:37 am

Wouldn't the world be a better place if Michael and Megyn switched places? You know – he could liven up the FOX newscasts with some singing and dancing. And she would be dead.

Pragmatist2 October 28, 2010 at 6:46 pm

We all know what to do, don't we?
Start calling in about those Te Party Monitors now.

Limeylizzie October 28, 2010 at 6:46 pm

Umm, what if you live in Harlem…I would be calling till my tiny white fingers were nubs.

chascates October 28, 2010 at 6:47 pm

I've seen reports of ILLEGALZ canvassing voters so it's obvious that hordes of our home-grown people of color will be out in force to ensure the continuance of those welfare Cadillacs and such. And I'm behind them 100 percent.

Texan_Bulldog October 28, 2010 at 6:49 pm

Does this mean they think Juan Williams gets to vote?

kittylittr October 28, 2010 at 7:12 pm



Lascauxcaveman October 28, 2010 at 6:51 pm

How much work would it be to organize a campaign of fraudulent tips regarding burly White Tea Bagger types intimidating the hell out of black and brown voters at polling stations across battleground states? Not much I'm thinking.

The more creative among you h0axrs could even produce camera phone vids of white-on-brown mob violence (head stomping is trendy these days! Ha! Better yet, lynchings!)

Anyway, send all this stuff to the FOX tipline; see if ANY of it makes it on their reports. It'd be a fun way to kill time for after you've voted and you're sitting around bored, waiting for the results to come in.

SmutBoffin October 28, 2010 at 6:58 pm

I would encourage everyone to email this address continuously, forever, and give lurid accounts of how you were prevented from voting. Ideas include:

"They wouldn't let me vote because I wasn't wearing a daishiki!"
"They wouldn't let me vote because I didn't know the secret ACORN password!"
"They wouldn't let me vote because I was drunk and took a dump in the booth!"

SmutBoffin October 28, 2010 at 7:02 pm

I would do the opposite and send in tips of lurid and hilariously blatant intimidation by blacks, muslins, and ACORNs. Examples include:

"They wouldn't let me vote because I wasn't wearing a daishiki!"
"They asked for my ACORN ID and password, then touched my naughty places!"
"I was drunk and took a dump in the booth, so they kicked me out! What happened to FREEDUM!?!?"

imissopus October 28, 2010 at 11:49 pm

"They disqualified my ballot because I got Cheetoh dust on it! I want my country back!"

Monsieur_Grumpe October 28, 2010 at 7:24 pm

I should have read all the posts before I wrote mine. Great minds blah blah blah. If we ever meet, beers are on me.

savethispatient October 28, 2010 at 8:10 pm

They're obviously just using it as a way to prep their excuse for if the Republicans don't win back both the House and the Senate – WE WOZ ROBBED! VOTER FRAUD!

imissopus October 28, 2010 at 11:50 pm

Oh God yes, they've been laying the groundwork for that since 2008.

GOPCrusher October 29, 2010 at 12:46 pm


Rarian Rakista October 28, 2010 at 6:53 pm

My Grant Aunt Ruth was wheeled down from the old folk's home to the polling station in the elections in 2008 — even though she can't remember her children's names — and as usual voted straight ticket Republican. When her daughter asked her why she voted for McCain, she said to keep that Negro out of the White House, classy lady.

This year she got an absentee ballot because Fox News has scared her away from her polling place because she think she saw a black person there in 2008 — this is in the middle of Appalachia, so highly unlikely.

OneYieldRegular October 28, 2010 at 6:54 pm

Ah come on, Fox – you can do better than that. Where's the Fox 'n' Friends Head Stomping Squad?

I'm beginning to think the Confederacy actually won, but we're just now finding out about it.

Banelm October 28, 2010 at 7:50 pm

Yeah they more or less did. See, we won the fighting, then we let them vote on who won, every four years, like unlimited do overs.

OneYieldRegular October 28, 2010 at 10:50 pm

I think that's the most accurate and concise summary of the political dynamics of this country that I've ever read.

KathrynSane October 28, 2010 at 6:54 pm

Help, help! I'm being repressed!

Troubledog October 28, 2010 at 6:56 pm

I thought we were an autonomous collective!

Banelm October 28, 2010 at 7:54 pm

You're fooling yourself, we're living in a dictatorship, where the working classes are exploited by the aristocracy, hanging on to outdated imperialist dogma.
If there's ever gonna be any progress…
….But first I'd better see to this mud.

Zvi_Bleindmeis October 28, 2010 at 8:45 pm

Dennis, there's some lovely filth over here….

OhNoGuy October 28, 2010 at 9:42 pm

Call Christine O'Donnell!!

Sorry, she's repressed , too. Also.

(first time I did that, admirable restraint, huh?)

writechic October 28, 2010 at 6:55 pm

In Birmingham, Alabama where teh blacks are 70% of peeps, Fox News looks down on the city from Red Mountain with the Eye of Sauron, and its scary.

EdFlintstone October 28, 2010 at 6:56 pm

I'm just shocked they had a black person front and center on the voter fraud billboard.

Buzz Feedback October 28, 2010 at 6:57 pm

Hello, Fox? I'd like to report an actual Meg Whitman sighting at the polls.

jus_wonderin October 28, 2010 at 7:05 pm

LOL. I think we'd sooner witness a UFO landing on the White House lawn.

Limeylizzie October 28, 2010 at 7:12 pm

Or landing on her forehead.

jus_wonderin October 28, 2010 at 7:18 pm

I'd get my ramp lights out and guide them in…if only.

kittylittr October 28, 2010 at 7:00 pm

I don't know about you, but I plan on observing a lot of voter fraud at precincts near and far, and I am going to get busy and start observing it right now hourly to FoxNews, and I am observing it most especially in those places that don't have early voting going on yet. Because it's RAMPANT there, I tell you.

Monsieur_Grumpe October 28, 2010 at 7:02 pm

A tip line strikes me as an excellent opportunity for mischief. But I'm not encouraging anybody because that would be wrong.

thecryingeagle October 28, 2010 at 7:52 pm

I am going to have the best election day ever. Thanks, Mr. Murdoch.

JustPixelz October 28, 2010 at 8:05 pm

Dear Fox:
I am only recently arrived in America from Mexico. For the past two weeks I have voted and voted and voted. But the black panthers won't pay me the Acorn money they promised. Isn't that fraud?

jus_wonderin October 28, 2010 at 7:02 pm

Hey Fox!! I've got a tip for ya…right here. <<points at crotch>>

kittylittr October 28, 2010 at 7:02 pm

My polling place is a megachurch. Who do I email to report that?

jus_wonderin October 28, 2010 at 7:17 pm
Jukesgrrl October 29, 2010 at 12:22 am

You must live in Arizona.

Groupshrug October 28, 2010 at 7:06 pm

I don't remember Faux News having a problem with the Supreme Court deciding that GWB was a the next POTUS in 2000 and all the shenanigans that took place to make that happen…

fuflans October 28, 2010 at 7:07 pm

anybody at foxnews feel like talking to the moveon lady in kentucky?

Toomush_Infer October 28, 2010 at 7:11 pm

Since it's so close to Halloween, this year I plan on going to vote as Al Jolson…

jus_wonderin October 28, 2010 at 7:16 pm

Off topic: How many are going to the "Restoring Sanity" rally? I want to go to make sure there is a good showing but I am on the fence. My airfare would be nil (I have a friend with AA. Not that AA, though maybe I should have a friend with that AA too.)

Edit: And I want to buy some cool things at this National Mall I've been hearing about.

finallyhappy October 28, 2010 at 7:28 pm

My daughter and I will be there- we live here. The Mall is awesome- there is a giant Limited and all of the Old Navy/Gap/ J Crew stores too. The food court sucks though,

thecryingeagle October 28, 2010 at 7:58 pm

It is going to be huge and because of the socialist Americans with Disabilities Act the whole Mall is accessible on your Rascal. No Cinnabon though.

LionelHutzEsq October 28, 2010 at 7:32 pm

Dear Megyn Kelly,

I never thought it would happen to me, but the other day I went to my local polling place in an attempt to vote for the Constitutional candidate. But, to my surprise, when I got there, there was a big black man also in line.

He gazed at me with those swarthy brown eyes, hazy from years of crack use, but still containing that animalistic magnetism of the jungles of his origins. He leaned in close, and whispered in my ear "Hey baby, you want to get it on?" As he brushed my hair back from my eyes, I was overwhelmed with a desire I had never felt before. I knew I had to vote for the Socialist, or something bad would happen to me. Something very, very bad.

So we went into the booth together, and I gave a tug on the leaver, letting free all of the jungle energy he had built up. At the time I was thrilled, but now, as I look back on it, I feel shame that I let this animal lead me away from the path of voting Republican that God, Christine O'Donnell and FOX News wanted me to follow.

Thank you for bringing this issue to light.

–A Long Time FOX Viewer

loquacioustunes October 28, 2010 at 7:47 pm

My adopted little brother, who is half black and half white, is about to have a baby with a white girl. We should tell Megyn that and then stand back as her head explodes.

LionelHutzEsq October 28, 2010 at 8:03 pm

Dear God, the child can spend its entire life intimidating itself from voting!

loquacioustunes October 28, 2010 at 8:05 pm

I know, poor little guy, right? I've told my brother to hide the mirrors so that he doesn't scare himself.

elfgoldsackring October 28, 2010 at 8:22 pm

Whoa, now I need a cigarette. Or maybe a fat brown stogie…

HempDogbane October 28, 2010 at 11:35 pm

Always carry a towel to sit on in an emergency.

donner_froh October 28, 2010 at 7:39 pm

I wonder if anyone from Delaware will email Fox News to report that Christine O'Donnell is trying to intimidate voters by flashing her fur covered ladyparts.

loquacioustunes October 28, 2010 at 7:46 pm

I'll bet Megyn has a swastika shaved into her pubes. Nick Denton should send someone to investigate.

LionelHutzEsq October 28, 2010 at 8:04 pm

I'm willing to investigate. But, then again, I am a very, very lonely man.

loquacioustunes October 28, 2010 at 8:10 pm

I choo-choo-choose you.

jakegittes October 28, 2010 at 7:47 pm

[Turn off Snark]:

Here in San Diego, we have a local right wing radio personality known as Roger "Former Mayor and Felon" Hedgepock. Frequently, he substitutes for Limbaugh. This past week, I was listening to his show and got sick and tired o.f what now is the right wing talking point about election fraud. These types of accusations are now running rampant. Why? I don't know. Maybe because the Rethugs are anticipating some electoral disappointments here and there next week.

But I got sick of hearing guys like Hedgecock say stuff like, "I wonder how many illegal aliens will be voting in California in the upcoming election."

So, I decided to call in. Amazingly, I got right in and spoke with the screener. Here is a rough estimation of the dialogue:

SCREENER: So, what do you want to speak about with Roger today.

ME: I want to talk with Roger about how recently when I went to my mailbox to pick up my mail, an illegal alien was lying in wait and stole my Mail-In Ballot from me.

SCREENER: How do you know he was an illegal alien?

ME: Because he was brown.

SCREENER: Okay. I know where this conversation is going.

ME: (Right before the screener hung up on me) GO FUCK YOURSELVES.

I never did get to speak with our former felonious Mayor.

Negropolis October 28, 2010 at 11:53 pm

They are evolving!

bumfug October 28, 2010 at 7:55 pm

"Hello, Fox? I'm calling from Seaford, Delaware and my neighbor said he was going to go vote for Coons. I'm not a racist but that scared me."

LionelHutzEsq October 28, 2010 at 8:05 pm

Worse, my friend from Delaware said that he had a spell cast on him so he could not vote for Coons. Also, he grew a pudding cup beard. Also.

loquacioustunes October 28, 2010 at 8:11 pm

Racists generally have a problem voting for coons.

BarackMyWorld October 28, 2010 at 8:10 pm

Mark my words…someone next week will claim the Republicans got a victory only after ACORN disbanded, and that proves that ACORN rigged 2006 and 2008.

Whatever October 28, 2010 at 8:43 pm

ok, some come the 2nd, we all call them. We all tell them we're intimidated. and DNS them with voter fraud

Kitty_Sanchez October 28, 2010 at 9:28 pm

Why wait? Early voting is going on all over the country.

Oh, heck–forget about voter fraud. Email 'em a few thousand times just to say "Hey!"

Janinthepan October 28, 2010 at 9:34 pm

On the other hand, there will be cases where people will be intimidated at the poles by scary teabaggers, or told that they have to vote provisionally, and I will be fielding those calls all Tuesday!

writechic October 28, 2010 at 9:44 pm

Dang. My user reputation score is lower than everybody's. I'm like the slut of commenters. Cool.

Lascauxcaveman October 28, 2010 at 9:56 pm

Hardly. The sluts around here are all +100p.

writechic October 28, 2010 at 9:59 pm

Hey. I'm just using English. If your reputation is low, you're a slut in regular unfancy people talk.

Kitty_Sanchez October 29, 2010 at 12:11 am

Wait'll you get a load of the guys with negative pee. They troll the moron sites like Dimbart's and load up on the negatives, then they come back here and strut around, all bloody, showing off their battle wounds. It's really kinda cool.

writechic October 28, 2010 at 10:00 pm

Goddamn it, you made my reputation points go up. Boo you.

HempDogbane October 28, 2010 at 11:38 pm

But you're an Ethical Slut.

metamarcisf October 29, 2010 at 12:42 am

Don't lose heart. Just stick around for the Friday afternoon Krauthammer joke of the week contest. Last week's winner, well, shoot, you had to see it. Just imagine Lou Gehrig in a moomoo.

SarcasticNymph October 29, 2010 at 1:47 pm

Just tell us where the first baseman touched you, Bossie.

Lascauxcaveman October 28, 2010 at 10:28 pm

I think that happens to me everytime someone with a bigger pee than mine deigns to reply. Fortunately, it doesn't happen too often.

If you want to make your pee go back down again, go back and delete your comments with the highest pee. It worked for me.

Or just go type something sane, non-racist and coherent on one of those Breitbart blogs, if you're in a super-duper hurry.

imissopus October 29, 2010 at 12:05 am

Any Dems that do win next week, the Rethugs will scream "fraud" and contest the results in court and demand various secretaries of state not certify election results until lawsuits are resolved, thus keeping some Dems from being seated for a few months. Bank on it.

Lascauxcaveman October 29, 2010 at 1:07 am

You're probably right.

Fuck you.

imissopus October 29, 2010 at 2:07 am

Believe me, I won't be back here bragging about it.

I think I'm going to console myself by sending a couple of hundred emails to the Fox tip line: "Dear Fox, my polling place did not have separate 'coloreds only' voting booths. Now I'm not a racist but seeing Them at the polls made me think they'd get mad if I voted for the white fella. Unleash the Malkin!"

LionelHutzEsq October 29, 2010 at 1:59 am

Hell, the Republicans will scream fraud and march out video of a black guy even if they win the seat. Need to set up the meme for next year.

Negropolis October 29, 2010 at 2:19 am

Maybe that's what I'll be for Halloween, a New Black Panther Party member, and then simply forget to change clothes until November 3rd. Either that, or the Rent is Too Damn High guy who may as well be a New Black Panther as far as the anyone's concerned.

Blaxploitation is the best xplotation.

Left_Leftie October 29, 2010 at 2:34 am

You said what I was thinking. That throw-away line at the end of the clip is what got me thinking. They're going to challenge the absentee ballots.

Fferret October 29, 2010 at 12:37 pm

As a former socialist Census worker (I was a Crew Leader for the Decennial Census,) I'm going to go right out and grease up my AK-47 to be ready for Tuesday! Oh wait. I'm an election judge. Guess I'll have to use the Glock my Election Board provided then.

MistaEko October 29, 2010 at 2:17 pm

Dear Fox News,

I don't believe it. As I approached my polling place, 2 Girls (apparent members of ACORN, 1 of them holding a cup) told me to turn around and go home or be scarred for life. I refused, and what they did next caused me to run home in panic. Thankfully, I recorded it and have a link here…

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