DRUDGE (Druge) SIRENS! The following is an “**Exclusive** **Must Credit**.” It has eight asterisks! It must be good! Matt Drudge has been sent an advance copy of George W. Bush’s new book or whatever, and he has REVEALED five or so random parts of it. “The president details how he bonded with Crown Prince Abdullah of Saudi Arabia — and a magical bird!” Wow! George W. Bush found it easier to relate to a really cool bird than human intellectuals? We never saw that coming. Also, it turns out, he thought the was very much in charge of 9/11.
So begins President George W. Bush in the opening chapter ["Quitting"] from the most anticipated book of the season, the DRUDGE REPORT can reveal.
Haha, yes, the most anticipated book of the season, for five elderly conservatives in nursing homes who will have the book bought for them but will not be able to read it.
Arriving angry at Bush’s Texas ranch over the president’s position on Israel and Ramallah, Abdullah quickly decided he wanted to leave.
But the prince spots a turkey on the road — and takes it as a good omen, a sign from Allah!
Ohhhh, THAT’S why Bush had such a great presidency. A turkey. It seemed so strange why those 8 years were so refreshingly good for the country, but it makes sense now. And that turkey is why this next good thing happened:
The president reveals he gave the order to shoot down planes on September 11 — and at first thought the plane in PA had been shot down.
Instant second term right there. Such a brilliant commander in chief, very in charge of the country at its moment of greatest WTF.
Later, at the Pope’s funeral — and after a prodding from his wife that it’s a time to “pray for miracles” — Bush found himself saying a prayer for the cancer-stricken ABCNEWS anchor Peter Jennings.
That one worked too! [Drudge Report]
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The president reveals he gave the order to shoot down planes on September 11 — and at first thought the plane in PA had been shot down.
So, this is a work of fiction.
More like Science Fiction.
Please, like George would have anything to do with science.
Yeah. The "he thought" part gave it away.
A Thousand Decision Points of Light
DecisionTalkingDerision Points
He was listening to the Palin for the first time and saw starbursts and tingles.
Maybe it was just a seizure. Can't really be sure with these wingers, they LUV the kinky shit.
A Thousand Points of Blight.
Ten Thousand Points of Death
So Bush and the Prince bonded with the bird at his secluded Texas ranch; so the hand holding wasn't just for show.
Show me your tom and I'll show you my cock.
COCK GOBBLER!!
This is old news; Prince bonded with bush years ago.
He showed his compassionate side as well – he ordered the airlines to give double miles to passengers on any flight that was shot down.
Yes, good old W, he bonded with the despotic, vile, murderous ruler of the country where the wahhabist maniacs who attacked us on 9-11 came from, and the country whose violently anti-western fundamentalist wahhabbi clerics entirely fund al queada, yes, he bonded with the ruler of the country that spawned and funded the 9-11 attacks, and then he went and killed 300,000 Iraqis in retaliation for his good buddy's people attacking us. Hey, they in the oil bidness, just like daddy and me and Dick and Condi and everyone who is anyone, we oil bidness people stick together.
You say despotic, vile and murderous like they are bad things. For a vile, murderous troll whose primary goals were a) surviving pretzel attacks and b) destroying America, bonding with Abdullah makes perfect sense.
I just love wahhabbi with my California rolls! Good stuff!
Hey, oil is thicker than blood, right?
You know, it just boggles the mind that he could actually be proud of "bonding" with the old villain. And his retard supporters will read that and have no problem with it, but will accuse Obama and every librul, like the troll here today did, of being Muslim sympathizers.
It's great that he took the decisive action of ordering the Shanksville plane shot down. Too bad that he issued that order after it had already smacked into the ground. Also after Dick Cheney had issued the same order, on the presumption (as a former military man, no doubt) that he was in charge. But then, just saying that you spent 9/11 hiding in some Air Force base because you were afraid to come back to DC probably doesn't make for as majestic a story.
And only the heartless Cheney, and he is for realz, would make a presumption of being a former military man since he was a total chickehawk, with "other priorties," when his Vietnam era Draft Board came a callin' and never served a day in the Armed Services.
Actually that was my embellishment — just highlighting Cheney's disdain for the chain of command. Sorry about the confusion.
No, no, I don't think you embellished a thing. SayItWIthWookies, don't you think that in darkness of Cheney's mind he views himself as a "military man," much, much more so than say some pinko like John Kerry?
Still, there was a moment….but then everyone involved remembered Cheney.
Is 'bonded' what the oldsters are calling mutual masturbation these days?
bon
dedI for one can't wait for the pretzel-choking chapter. I'm dying to know how Cheney crammed that pretzel down Bush's throat.
by telling him he was taking his temperature? just like with all the other cramming?
perhaps it was no ordinary pretzel. maybe it was a penis-shaped pretzel. one with erectile function. engorged with hot manliness. and attached to Cheney.
Cheney did it? I always thought that it was Laura that was trying to off him.
A top Bush source explains: "You will find the president strong, loving life, and ultimately at peace with the decisions he made."
In other words, he never really had a clue.
"loving life" — just like the 3000 Americans who died on 9/11 under his watch. Or the 5000 soldiers who died in battle following his orders. and the tens of thousands of Iraqis.
"loving life" like the widows and orphans and bereaved parents he left in his wake.
Perhaps your Fox News feed has been cut off. There were NO terrorist attacks on American soil until the Kenyan usurper snuck in.
I thought it was all Bill Clinton's fault….
Well said.
At peace with the decisions he made since they were primarily about breakfast, lunch and dinner and when to use the restroom. Cheney "took care" of the boring stuff for him so he could get in his daily bike ride and 3 square meals and at least 9 to 12 hours a day of sleep and 3-4 hours of television. I'll bet he never missed a meal, bowel movement or bike ride. And still he managed to keep right on top of things, really.
Hey, when you've never been wrong it's easy to be at peace with your decisions. I believe that's decision point number one.
I like how the "Drudge Report" could be named after its proprietor, or its audience
or the experience of reading it.
Or it's content.
Bush's prayers did as much good for Peter Jennings as his "liberation" of Iraq did for the Iraqis.
"Magical Bird" = "Karl Rove in a chicken suit"
I feel like weeping because this man ,who was such a disaster for the country and left it in such chaos ,has become somehow charmingly retro and our Hopey who has tried to get things put to rights, albeit not every single thing we may have wanted, has been demonized and mocked and called every name under the sun . If I drank, I would be pouring myself a stiff one.
Christine's exbeau has a stiff one for ya. Make sure you mow the lawn.
"Are you going to drink that? Because, I will."
No, I was just pouring it out, so help yourself.
Thank you!!!!
No, I don't want another drink. But I will have the same one again.
I can't add a single thing to this. Perfectly stated. You echo my thoughts perfectly.
ever since Pastor Handlebars whetted my appetite for book-burning, I've been eagerly anticipating this release.
I thought he called his book "If I Did It."
We'll rescue your p-score!
I was expecting it to be called
"Everybody poops, also"
Nope, that was the touchdown scoring murderer. But the Juice's side kick just drove slow. He din't shoot nobody in the face.
From 911's "Day of Fire" to "Katrina" to "Financial Crisis", Bush explains how he returned to his faith, time and time again.
Translation: Bushie prayed "Please Lord, don't let me fuck up again. Please Lord, don't let me fuck up again."
Stupid is as stupid does, George. Momma has a way of 'splain' things to me.
"please daddy reagan, make the tax cuts work this time!"
Please Lord. don't let me fuck up again. An I promise this time I'll quit drinkin' for good.
Those who can't do, pray.
That explanation by Bush is stronger argument for atheism than anything a team of PZ Meyers could ever concoct.
and finally an answer to the timeless question of 'why the Sharia turkey crossed the road'
Bush: What Christine O'Donnell refuses to groom, Yep, I just called him a pussy.
Would that be 70's bush?
Haven't read the reviews, but I'm guessing the rewriting of history will be breathtaking. And it will not be questioned.
The Texas Board of Education is involved? I didn't know they had moved to contempory porn.
Please, please, please tell me you're making all of this up.
But I know you aren't.
If we send 5 turkeys to king Saud can he allow women to drive or be seen in public without a man? What if we dressed the turkeys like belly dancers? What if we sent him 10 turkeys, could he stop funding terror? Could he at least pretend that the USA is not his oil-bitch? No? Didn't think so.
On a day when Karl Rove hammers Sarah Palin for having insufficient gravitas to warrant the presidency, this is a fine reminder of the sort of heavyweight he considers worthy of the role.
Why do you think the GOP begged him to change the original publication date from September until after the elections?
I can't wait for Rove to crit Palin and hear all where highpitched whining about being attacked. Oh I am draggin' out the lawnchair and poppin' the top on a brewsky on that day.
Compared to Paiin Bush is fucking Einstein. And a workaholic – not only did he finish his term as Gov, but TWO terms in the WH. Mama Griz would be shittin bricks at the prospect of 12 yrs of CONTINUOUS employment. Surely she'd have to take a breather somewhere along the line for a book tour or two….
"Decision Points" Ah, cuz he was the decider, I see what they did there. I almost thought the title was pointless.
Yeah, what about the pointy part?
Working title was Decider Things, how did you guess…?
I assume someone has already made a "thousand points of dark" or some such.
Pointy head.
I don't think Molly Ivens would be surprised over seeing turkeys in the road when the Bushies are around. Prescott is herr Truthahn, George H.W is the Gobbler, Jeb is Deepfried, while Shrub is Wild Turkey.
If decision points were p-enis points, George would be in the red BOOOOYAAAH
SNAP
"One Halloween, he pulled down Laura's panties and momentarily thought he had Osama Bin Ladin within his grasp."
But once he saw that the Brazilian wax trend had passed her by (and that she is as sexy as a sled dog,) he lost interest.
And thus concludes this evening's gripping retelling of how President Bush allowed Osama bin Laden to slip through his fingers at "The Battle of Laura Bore Ya".
Be sure to tune in next week, dear listeners, when we vividly recount the heroic yet misguided efforts George W. Bush undertook to single-handedly pull Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein out of Laura Bush's dark, dusty spider hole.
Ben Franklin would be proud of the turkey praise.
All this happened while he was playing tie me up, tie me down with Condi and a goat…
The reading of "My Pet Goat" was a code designed to give Rice a message about their next tryst
Conservative websites are so relieved now to have a new book to give away free, other than the old Sarah Palin crap.
Though, Regnery still has a lot of copies of the Wasilla Wannabee's coloring book stored in trailers in New Jersey to get rid of. But you're right, Dubya's book will have the newly minted and piquant stench of exculpatory war criminal lies to give it that fresh-scrubbed, newness our Republican Volksbund love so much.
Surely this book will be shelved in the library as "fiction".
Looking forward to the Amazon comments on this one.
That decision is supposed to represent the hard choices a president sometimes faces. But Bush and his apologists seem to revel in it — like he was man enough to give the order. And yet … and yet … he was ordering the military to kill U.S. citizens on U.S. soil. Collateral damage. Friendly fire.
I wouldn't be surprised if his dad told Cheney, "Look, if things get rough, you start giving orders, you understand?"
You do know that when a Christian says "I'm praying for you" it kind of means the opposite. Same with "Bless his heart".
… blah, blah, blah some lame excuse about Ramallah or something.
The real reason: That cock-block Laura was there! I mean c'mon Georgie Boy, you'd promised me some alone time. We barely had a moment to hold hands…
Of course I won't buy his book but in a parallel universe JW does buy it just to pee on every single page. And I will relish the extra vodka it takes create that pee.
"Drudge Report Leaks Dumb EXCLUSIVES From Bush Book "
I contend that the word "Dumb" is unnecessary here.
You have my agreementness on the unnecesarynessnous of it as well.
I assume it's to differentiate it from the books written by his father, mother, wife, daughter and dog. Those are all relatively smarter Bush Books.
An excellent point – at least insofar as the dog is concerned.
I bet Bush originally called his book "Decider Pointage." I'm sure of it.
Later, at the Pope’s funeral — and after a prodding from his wife that it’s a time to “pray for miracles” — Bush found himself saying a prayer for the cancer-stricken ABCNEWS anchor Peter Jennings.
I guess Dubya just figured that life is a mystery, everyone must stand alone, Peter Jennings would hear him calling his name, and it would feel like home.
LOL
By the way… fuck GWB. Cheney too. And all the assholes who are going to win on Tuesday. Ok. Done.
Is a braille edition of Bush's book scheduled for release?
I'm interested in knowing what it feels like to be the most incurious, unqualified, immature, oblivious, mendacious, impetuous, unindustrious, disinterested, disastrous, self-delusional useful idiot to ever fail upward so goddamn smirk-tacularly to the highest office in the land that any living American has ever fucking seen.
In other words: FUCK THE MOTHERFUCKING RANGERS! GO GIANTS!!
Hooray! One of the Red Sox's discarded short stops just hit a home run! Giants up 1-0!
Tax cuts for the wealthy, two wars, strong words spoken into a bull horn at "Ground Zero," pleas that Social Security be "privatized" shortly before the Stock Market totally tanked. What a legacy! No wonder people are setting their alarm clocks to get to the polls early to sweep the tide back to these Decider moments of splendor!
Also and too – Katrina, the post-9/11 "Go shopping" advice, the firing of US Attorney Generals for political reasons, wasting the surplus, and creating the Dept. of Homeland Security, off the top of my head.
Condi's already on her book/redemption tour. The damage they reaped on America will soon be all be misremembered as Obama's fault.
You kid, but there are plenty of fucking idiots out there who are dying to vote Republican again. You know, cause it's all the commie nazi colored boy's fault. Want change, HERE'S A DIME!!!!! I would, btw, love to help them, but alas, murder isn't one of my (many) faults….
And that, boys and girls, is why we kill, stuff, roast, and eat turkeys on Thanksgiving. The turkey signifies cooperation and progress, and we need to gun those fucking ideas down and digest them after smothering them with gravy.
Does his memoir mention him reading the Presidential Daily Briefing titled "Bin Ladin Determined to Strike in U.S." on August 6, 2001 and telling the CIA briefer, "All right. You've covered your ass, now", before going fishing for the rest of the day?
I find it hard to believe that the Bush presidency really happened. It seems like a weird nightmare from long ago already.
Sooo… muslins think random birds are Allah saying "we cool." I hope they at least tried to do something with this valuable intel down in Gitmo.
How did the Saudi pooh-bah "arrive angrily"? Is this something you can only do on a magic carpet? I arrive angry wherever the airlines take me, particularly US Airways, but I'm angry at the airlines for the contemptuous treatment, shitty "food" substitutes and irascible harridan flight attendants. Plus they haven't had a Martini available at the in-flight "bar" for 15 years.
I realize that you Communist Pinko Liberal SCUM (or perhaps, more appropriately, SKUM*) hate all the Greats from the GOP Past.
But you have to give old Richard Milhouse Nixon credit for one thing.
He had the decency to wait a few more years before attempting his comeback.
Unlike this Incompetent, Smug Shithead.
[I would have been willing to bet that, if on 9/11 "Shrub" had jumped in his Texas Air National Guard F-102 Delta Dagger to make an intercept, as per the President in "Independence Day," the A-Rabs who commandeered Flight 93 would have shot him down . . . with a potato(e) gun. ]
(George: A word to the Wise: Fuck off and DIE, you COCKSUCKER.)
Lt. Neilist, Call-sign "Crotch Rocket"
USAF – Ret.
Wonkette Air Combat Maneuvering School (Our Motto: Blast 'Em In The Ass!)
Nellis Air Force Base
Nevada
(Just downwind from the Smoking Crater of Radioactive Slag that is Sharron Angle's Vagina)
* Neilist: Slave to fashion.
Just downwind from the Smoking Crater of Radioactive Slag that is Sharron Angle's Vagina
Dammit Neilist, stop making me laugh. I don't want to start to like you.
No one else does. Why should you?
But seriously, Angle's hole is bigger than that left after the Sedan Test.'
And that's ENORMOUS:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sedan_%28nuclear_tes...
Although, it's safer to be downwind from the Nevada Test Site than it is to be downwind from Angle's "Lady Parts."
I wish someone would explain how an illiterate drunk obtained degrees from Yale and Harvard, and how that same drunken illiterate was allowed to write a book.
If I'm not mistaken it's a cornerstone of the Truther movement that Flight 93 was shot down. So watching Truther heads explode for the next few days should be fun.
The Political memoir/historical rewrite. Keeping unemployed hack writers in geld since Moses.
I can't get past an image of how pleased he must have been when he heard what the title of his book was going to be. Can't you see him? All smug, staring off into the middle distance for a few moments while the poor, harried publishing minion tasked with sharing the news waits, part proud of herself for coming up with it, part consumed with self-loathing for the same reason. Then George–after consulting with the cartoon monkeys dancing in his head and thinking about how different his life would have been if he'd gotten to be a high school gym teacher like he always wanted–does that jerky-jaw thing he always does, claps his hands, slaps the poor bony publishing lady on the back and repeats it out loud, quietly at first and then louder, more confident until his shouts of boyish glee manage to raise Laura out of her Xanax coma.
I fucking hate that guy.
I never would have guessed.
She's not a witch – she's a human pubic area! Which makes me wonder if she has hairy nipples, too. You know, those gals with gash hair you could quilt usually have those wiry motherfuckers around their nipples too. Think she plucks them? Did Gawker dude comment on that?
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