CARTOON VIOLENCE  1:00 pm October 29, 2010

Happy Halloween Midterm Horror!

by Josh Fruhlinger

By the Comics Curmudgeon
Hooray, Tuesday will be the election, for real! Then we won’t ever have to worry about politics ever again, at least until mid-January, when Speaker Boehner orders us all to be rounded up and put in camps for “security purposes.” But until then, here is a fun cutting-edge political observation for you: did you ever notice that Election Day and Halloween are close together? It’s funny because for one of these celebrations we encourage our children to participate in pagan rites and worship demons, and for the other we elect John Boehner speaker, apparently. Also, both events feature monstrous human-animal hybrids, that people sometimes have sex with! Let’s take a look.

Awww, who can forget the sexy year 2008! That’s when America finally got over its silly hangups and said, “You know what? I’ve been telling myself for years that my sexual attraction for that donkey-man in the nice suit is a sin against man and God. But this is the 21st century! I can’t let outdated dogma that tells me that man/donkey-man love is wrong hold me back! I’m going to go over there and ‘vote for Obama’ (i.e., proposition him). I ‘hope’ it will be as erotic as I always dreamed!” Sadly, in 2010, we find that the sex thrill is long gone, and now America reacts with queasy distaste when the sexy donkey man comes back for another go.

But these terrible awkward post-bestiality moments are not the monopoly of the left! No, it seems that one Sarah Palin has a certain regret in her past, possibly involving this sad-eyed moose, who can only stare disconsolately through the window at her, silently, as she trashes all the beautiful memories they had together. I know it can be hard to give up on a lost love, moose-man! But unlike the lame liberal in the last cartoon, Sarah Palin is not afraid to shoot and kill you, so maybe you had best nurse your broken heart elsewhere.

Why not take a cue from the Dem donkey, my moosey friend? He’s left heartbreak behind him and is getting his picture taken for a new online dating service! Of course, first he got drunk and fat and lost a front tooth, and is now looking through heavy-lidded booze-addled eyes at the photographer, who’s going to take only a terrible cell phone pic that will not get him any action on the Internet, and will probably only be posted as a cruel joke. But still, he’s trying, you know?

Uh, where were we … oh, right, Halloween! I think this is supposed to Barack Obama taking one of his adorable daughters out trick-or-treating while claiming not to be a tax and spend liberal, but the fact that he’s wearing a letterman’s jacket was confusing, leading me to initially think he was supposed to be some high school student with a middle school girlfriend or something. He’s wearing a jacket because … that’s the kind of jacket people wear with writing on them, I guess? It’s not exactly a costume per se, is it? Why not a gorilla suit with the text printed on the back? Everyone loves gorillas!

Meanwhile, clean-cut white family men everywhere are having persistent and intrusive erotic dreams about voting for Republicans. Will these dreams become so vivid that they’ll be unable to distinguish the dream world from reality, as in the top-grossing film Inception? Make sure you don’t vote immediately after one of these people, because the voting booth will be all jizzed up.

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Hola wonkerados.

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itsjesuscriss October 29, 2010 at 1:05 pm

Never rub your furry bug. It's a sin, you'll be in rubbing that furry bug.

Mahousu October 29, 2010 at 1:10 pm

Leave Christine out of this!

PsycWench October 29, 2010 at 1:09 pm

I thought cartoons were supposed to be at least a little funny.

Beowoof October 29, 2010 at 1:13 pm

Me too, and to think someone pays these guys for this shit.

CapeClod October 29, 2010 at 1:16 pm

The last one is just downright creepy.

SmutBoffin October 29, 2010 at 1:23 pm

Yeah, what gives? Where was the punchy final panel that brings it all together? Not even a trite statement about how voting makes you feel like a good citizen/free person?

Just a bland endorsement of Teabagging?

Weenus299 October 29, 2010 at 1:34 pm

Leaves to the imagination what kind of craziness is under that guy's overcoat. I imagine he wasted a fucker before he got to his car.

CapnFatback October 29, 2010 at 1:36 pm

Actually, the two bottom panels got cut off, where we see dad and "Uncle Larry" enter contiguous voting booths and employing their "wide stances" before "pulling the lever."

Lucidamente1 October 29, 2010 at 1:27 pm

True that. Google its author, Chuck Asay, and you'll get links to an assload of similar fucktardery.

V572625694 October 29, 2010 at 1:38 pm

The weird thing is that Asay (who got his start w/the ultra-wingtard Colorado Springs Galoot-Pornograph is actually a decent artist in terms of composition, line weight, etc. But his mind: ew.

Beowoof October 29, 2010 at 1:16 pm

Well the latest in conservatard/teatard/'republitard humor is upon us. Well at least there are no dead monkey's shot by cops with the White House as a back drop.

If these teatards such as Sharron Angle do get elected the retards oh wait, the intellectually challenged will get exactly what they deserve, which wouldn't really bother me except as a middle class type I am going to get it to, which gives me a sad.

binarian October 29, 2010 at 2:00 pm

If we vote for damn foolishness, damn foolishness is what we'll get.

4tehlulz_lite October 29, 2010 at 1:16 pm

I imagine if i was a racist twat, I would delude myself into thinking that I could toss out all the jews, women, and blacks by voting in one midterm election.

Pop_Socket October 29, 2010 at 1:18 pm

That is one Plugger worthy Dunlap spare tire on the poor ugly midterm donkey. Unless it's a lady donkey, in which case it is even worse.

harry_palmer October 29, 2010 at 1:20 pm

Will these dreams become so vivid that they’ll be unable to distinguish the dream world from reality, as in the everyday lives of the teabaggers who think Bush kept us safe from terrists/ didn't create an economy-destroying housing bubble/ didn't bail out his bankster cronies and balloon the deficit (after having handed out the Clinton surplus to his rich buddies) before slinking out of town? Yes, let's fire Pelosi et al and hand the government back to the people who enabled all that and more!

slappypaddy October 29, 2010 at 1:20 pm

'…mid-January, when Speaker Boehner orders us all to be rounded up and put in camps for "security purposes.”'

what did you think those fema camps were really for, my pretty? congress approved the funding, doncha know.

RunnyRose October 29, 2010 at 1:23 pm

So on the one where the donkey is getting his picture taken…is he supposed to have a gold tooth? I would normally take that to mean the illustrator is attempting to portray the donkey as black. But, with a gut like that, shared by 95% of overweight (white) teabaggers, I'm just not sure. I'm terribly confused by this drawing, which is one level higher than my normal day-to-day level of confusion.

CapnFatback October 29, 2010 at 1:23 pm

The husband in the last cartoon manages to tie his tie, drink his coffee, put on jacket, and leave his house within the boundaries of a six-sentence conversation. Either this family is speaking at 16 RPM or . . . waitaminute! The Flash is real and he's a Teabagger!

SmutBoffin October 29, 2010 at 1:29 pm

The 'toonist left out a lot of intermediate panels, where the family sits in awkward silence, praying to God that good ol' Dad doesn't go off on another Teabagger rant, then beat them because Obama makes his Conservative weanus feel small.

Negropolis October 30, 2010 at 4:29 am

Yep, in one of the panels, you see the kids and wife — scared as shit — removing all of the sharp objects in the kitchen and one of the children going upstairs to hide the handgun.

Lascauxcaveman October 29, 2010 at 1:26 pm

@ Chuck Assey – My dreams are a whole lot more interesting than yours. (But I'm sure as hell not going to discuss them in front of my kids.)

TanzbodenKoenig October 29, 2010 at 1:30 pm

Sobriety is for quitters. Huff, huff and away my friend! Hopefully you'll go into a coma and miss the political trainwreck that will comprise the next two years

Weenus299 October 29, 2010 at 1:31 pm

The sawed-off shotgun hidden underneath that fake-white-dad's overcoat is artfully drawn, as well.

waitforsugar October 29, 2010 at 1:32 pm

I haven't felt this awful since we saw that Ronald Reagan film.

mdotsota October 29, 2010 at 1:32 pm

I'm sorry, that last one is just waaaaay too subtle. I don't really understand the point.

Monsieur_Grumpe October 29, 2010 at 1:52 pm

You must read between the lines. Up front it looks like Leave it to Beaver only whiter but notice that the Dad looks nothing like the kids. Also everyone is smiling in the morning which is one of the symptoms of a brain wasting disease. Also the kids don’t have a cell phone or an I-Pod glues to their so they’re probably a little slow and peddle to school on 3 wheeled bikes or more likely are home schooled by the brain damaged mother who will be passed out from Nyquil and Lemon Pledge by noon. This not a happy home just an average American family.

Kidneys4Sale October 29, 2010 at 2:24 pm

Blue Velvet, also.

bitchincamaro2 October 29, 2010 at 1:33 pm

Teabagger jizz. What is that? Miracle Whip and bile?

mdotsota October 29, 2010 at 1:34 pm

No, it's just pure uncut gravy.

mrblifil October 29, 2010 at 1:33 pm

Same old tax and spend liberal Democrat…

Except they left out the part of his mixed-race heritage! THAT'S WHERE THE HUMOR RESIDES!

SayItWithWookies October 29, 2010 at 1:39 pm

So what do people who are against taxing and spending do? Maybe they all get together in their Amish garb and raise a barn? Or roll up their sleeves and start doing the real work of government for free? I wanna just once see these motherfuckers promise not to tax or spend when they get elected.

AutomaticPilot October 29, 2010 at 1:58 pm

They prefer to borrow and spend, as in "from the Chinese" and "for the baseless Iraq invasion."

BaldarTFlagass October 29, 2010 at 2:35 pm

Given what we know about the behaviour of many of our patriotic contractors, should that not be "borrow and steal?"

AutomaticPilot October 29, 2010 at 2:51 pm

Excellent point – I stand corrected!

OCKerouac October 29, 2010 at 2:54 pm

…and then when the bills come due we use the army (that the foreign loans paid for) to bomb them back to a century when America was the world's greatest super power. It's BRILLIANT! And SOCIOPATHIC!

elviouslyqueer October 29, 2010 at 1:45 pm

"Ugly meter app," eh? Oh, I get it; it's a "Hot or Not" reference. So timely and up on the latest trends, these cartoonists!

OCKerouac October 29, 2010 at 2:58 pm

It's not the cartoonist's fault. I'm sure this was just a repost of a cartoon drawn during the 1998 mid terms.

Wait, no. Then the donkey would have a grey pompadour and an erection instead of big ears and a gold tooth…

natoslug October 29, 2010 at 1:57 pm

Yessir, this country should be in GREAT shape once we toss out the tax and spend dems and get in some good god-fearing spend and spend repubs. Fiscal responsibility is for pussies.

lulzmonger October 29, 2010 at 2:09 pm

The moral is: never EVER let a cartoonist into a pet store.

Extemporanus October 29, 2010 at 2:10 pm

Welcome back, Josh!

Your alt text is ten times funnier than every single one of those dumb-ass drawings.

Swampgas_Man October 29, 2010 at 4:10 pm

WHAT alt-text? I been hovering over the pics w/ my cursor for 10 minutes and haven't seen nothin'!

gurukalehuru October 29, 2010 at 2:26 pm

Hey, Chuck That is NOT America

Failure_Artist October 29, 2010 at 2:30 pm

Man, what did Sasha or Malia do to not be allowed to trick or treat?

lowaltflier October 29, 2010 at 2:40 pm

“Of course, first he got drunk and fat and lost a front tooth, and is now looking through heavy-lidded booze-addled eyes at the photographer, who’s going to take only a terrible cell phone pic that will not get him any action on the Internet, and will probably only be posted as a cruel joke.”

Josh, have you been spying on me.

Naked_Bunny October 29, 2010 at 6:12 pm

Dad had a great dream about "being in the voting booth" because he was meeting Larry Craig there.

Rasvar October 29, 2010 at 9:31 pm

No politics until mid-January?!?! You have to be kidding! I thought the deadline for filing for the GOP nomination for President in 2012 was November 4th.

Negropolis October 30, 2010 at 4:36 am

A moose would NEVER stick its head in through any window in a residence where Sarah Palin's staying. Surely, she'd shoot it in the face — or from a helicopter she rented from with the money Bristol wins on Dancing With the Stars, 'cause you know that Bristol ain't never seein' a penny of that money.

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