cocktober surprise

Some Weird Guy Says He Got Naked With Christine O’Donnell Once

Sexy Insect!Who is mackin’ on Christine O’Donnell here in this crappy bar somewhere with Philadelphia Eagles posters on the fake paneling? Why is she rocking the “sexy insect” costume? Didn’t she know Halloween is for Witches? Well, whatever masturbating happened on this night was of the “mutual” variety, according to the anonymous author of this Gawker post about having a “one-night stand” with Christine O’Donnell, America’s sexy 41-year-old Delaware Water Witch.

One good thing about Wonkette’s amicable divorce from Gawker Media a couple of years ago is that now we can act “above it all” when, say, Gawker posts some puerile thing about Christine O’Donnell not waxing her ladyparts — but then we post the same thing anyway! And then we can call Gawker tacky, for posting such things. Haha, what?

Anyway:

Sexy Lobster!

Christine was a decent kisser, but as soon as soon as her clothes came off and she was naked in my bed, Christine informed me that she was a virgin.

“You’ve got to be kidding,” I said. She didn’t explain at the time that she was a “born-again virgin.” She made it seem like she’d never had sex in her life, which seemed pretty improbable for a woman her age. And she made it clear that she was planning on staying a virgin that night. But there were signs that she wasn’t very experienced sexually. When her underwear came off, I immediately noticed that the waxing trend had completely passed her by.

Obviously, that was a big turnoff, and I quickly lost interest.

Obviously? The global population problem could’ve been solved very easily in about 1998 had all of Earth’s Men been like this guy, right? “Yucky yuck, pubic hair. I only want sexytime when the lady looks like a seven-year-old girl.”

Jesus christ, everything and everybody is just gross. Including Wonkette, for posting this. [Gawker]

About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne

Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • http://www.ghostnote.net Buzz Feedback

    Nobody likes to dig a raisin out of shag carpet.

    • Texan_Bulldog

      Never heard that one before. That's why I love the Wonkette–so damn educational!

    • OneDollarJuana

      Didn't know you were into coprophilia. Or maybe coprophagia, since you compare dingleberries to raisins.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      It's just that my nose is so darn ticklish.

    • Not_So_Much

      'Born-again virgin and impenetrable murkin = teh butt secks?

    • FearofaBlackReagan

      Respect the 70s pubes. I mean really, it's probably the only redeeming feature of the poor woman.

    • MaxNeanderthal

      More like canyon running in Tasmania (that's a triangular heavily forested area in the southern hemisphere, subject to abrupt temperature changes).

      • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

        Hence the common cry of Australian blokes to their lasses: "Show us your map of Tazzy!" Or at least I've been told this happens.

        • elfgoldsackring

          More often to random lady passers-by, but yeah, it's true.

    • http://writechic.wordpress.com/ writechic

      Ew.

    • JustPixelz

      um … I do. unless you meant that literally.

  • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    All I learned is that Xtine is a giant cocktease.

    • SwarmOfBees

      Theory: girls named Christine are teases. My freshman college roommate was the WORST cocktease ever. Her name: Christine.

      COINCIDENT?!

      • BaldarTFlagass

        There are exceptions, evidently. My aunt Christine was the town pump, 5 or 6 marriages, 5 or 6 kids. The funny story was she took some guy home from a bar to my cousin's guest room, lights went out and she hears this "rrrriiiip" sound, asks the guy what was that?, Oh, I'm just taking off my leg [evidently held on with velcro]. She would kill my cousin if she found out I knew that story.

    • An_Outhouse

      Kochtease. She expects wingnut welfare for her services.

    • Ruhe

      The whole story seems phony to me. If the woman you're with informs you, after denuding, that intercourse isn't on the menu but anything you can do to get her her orgasm is ok…? Would you really stick around for that…with Christine? Maybe if she were really gorgeous or you were really desperate or fifteen, maybe, but it doesn't ring true to me.

  • DonnyKerabotsos

    She's wearing ladybug costume!!I find that curiously hot!!!

    • Flat_Earther

      Are you thinking about pulling it off her thorax and maybe finding some honey?

    • PublicLuxury

      A bug fucker. Oh honey, they make appendages you don't have to settle for substandard insect sex.

      • MaxNeanderthal

        Can we fast forward to the point where her partner chews her head off whilst they're still copulating?

    • JustPixelz

      she's kinda cute. until she opens her mouth. OH WAIT, there's a picture. She's kinda cute with her mouth open too.

  • Gopherit

    These kids and their fear of pubes. There are plenty of reasons to be turned off by O'Donnell, but having a tended lady garden isn't one of them.

    And no one says she wouldn't be fun to party with, but being a senator? Are you fucking kidding me?

  • Texan_Bulldog

    Looks like she's in Wayne & Garth's basement.

    Guys have sex with cows & freaking plastic dolls, but her unwaxed nether region turned this guy off? Unless all that hair was hiding a dick, I call total BS….

    • ph7

      I dunno – I can relate. You know it's a cow when it's a cow, and a doll when it's a doll. But in 2007, the last thing you expect to find when the panties come off is a cameo from a 1970's stag film. It startling. It's a red flag. Trust your instincts!

      • SwarmOfBees

        You haven't pulled off many panties have you? Well, panties you didn't have to pay to pull off.

      • Weenus299

        1970s stag films are hot. Don't know what your source material is, but diving into the Great Wilderness pleases me immensely.

    • MistaEko

      Christine was a decent kisser, but as soon as soon as her clothes came off and she was naked in my bed, Christine informed me that she was a virgin.

      “That's OK because I can already feel the onset of whiskey dick,” I said.

      fixed

  • SmutBoffin

    Would that be a "pubic pudding cup"?

    • CapnFatback

      Pudding-cup beard + "waxing trend had completely passed her by" = serious Velcro lovin'.

    • MaxNeanderthal

      Nope, still just a beard…..

  • facehead

    Just when I was getting over my bedbug nightmares …

  • V572625694

    Went over to Gawker and looked, and began to wish the photog knew something about red-eye reduction. Or else she's just that scary, like a Fiorina demon-sheep. But pudgier, and cuter.

  • problemwithcaring

    Anonymous Gawker poster = Ross G. Douchebag? I know I am not the only one thinking it.

    • MaxNeanderthal

      Confidence is high, I repeat confidence is high, that that's a fucking certainty….

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Is it the same guy who shagged the SC governor or senator wannabe Sikh-chick? Dude gets around.

    • Chet Kincaid

      He'd be the Little Big Man or Zelig of Tea-Lady fuckers. Don't know if I'd pay to see that movie or not.

  • CapeClod

    Didn't the part about "I don't intend to have sex tonight" sort of turn him off as well?

    • Kidneys4Sale

      Well, since only "Yes means Anal" I'm sure he was a bit disappointed…

    • SwarmOfBees

      I'm sure he just saw that as a challenge.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        I would think so. A gentleman assumes a lady wishes to be wooed, persuaded, so as to give the resisting lass a chance to not to appear to be too forward. Thus he can attend to her honor, as well as the (eventual) busy-making.

        • MaxNeanderthal

          She offered her honour, he honoured her offer, and all night long, he was on her and off her……..

          • Lascauxcaveman

            My grandmama first told me that one when she was about 70. I was 12 or 13, so I guess I was old enough for the R-rated quips by that time. It's still one of my favorites.

    • Not_So_Much

      Depends on whether he was Republican (or Ben Roethlisberger).

  • elviouslyqueer

    Poor Christine. Every time she tries to get ahead, she totally muffs it.

    • MistaEko

      Her campaign has no idea what to do when the situation starts getting hairy.

    • SwanSwanH

      Yeah, but this one really sticks in your throat.

    • MaxNeanderthal

      Oh Shit, you just made me lose control of my sphincters…

  • freakishlywrong

    I feel soiled just reading that…

  • http://iwastoldtheredbeponies.wordpress.com kittylittr

    That was the worst Penthouse letter ever.

    • tcaalaw

      Guccione's not around to vet them anymore.

    • http://fontofliberty.blogspot.com/ Rarian Rakista

      It read more like a Reader's Digest story till the last few paragraphs.

      • kenlayisalive

        "Humor in Uniforms"?

  • PublicLuxury

    Born Again Virgin… ???

    If you pray hard enough and long enough God will send you a brand spankin' new hymen. Let's do it. Does it work just once or can I be a Born Again Virgin every night? Boy what fun that would be… a little messy but what the hell.

    this sounds a little Ralph Reed-y to me.

    • Gopherit

      Plastic surgeons can give you a hymenoplasty……to relive that painful and humiliating moment. That's the kind of kink I can believe from Christine.

    • Flat_Earther

      Reed is busy praying the gay gay out.

    • GunTotingProgressive

      Watch "True Blood." One of the characters got turned vampire as a virgin teenager. It always grows back.

    • zhubajie

      "God will send you a brand spankin' new hymen"

      courtesy of the surgeon.

  • magic_titty

    Who's Afraid of Virgin(ia) Woolf?

    • Gleem_McShineys

      Apparently if the Woolf is covered in lustrous fur, that guy is.

  • Bonzos_Bed_Time

    A waxed lobster must be an euphemism for something, somewhere.

    • OneDollarJuana

      Speaking of euphemisms, there is a children's book titled "Max and the Chocolate Chicken". :o

  • grendelg

    There's a difference between a well tended garden and an overgrown delinquent lot.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Maybe that's where my pruning shears got off to…

    • Doglessliberal

      Yes.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      If a girl can't wear a standard issue bikini, she ought to do some trimming. Especially if she looks good in a bikini.

    • PublicLuxury

      Are you saying it was, "There's Jimmy Hoffa," overgrown? Why do you think it was called a bush?

    • http://fontofliberty.blogspot.com/ Rarian Rakista

      Once you have more hair on your thighs and tummy than your landing zone, its time to invest in some sort of hair removal device.

  • prommie

    Wow, just fucking wow! I take extreme umbrage, though, at the little prick's turning up his nose at an unshaven bush. Dammit, I come from those long-ago times, and I have never seen a shaved or waxed bush, dammit, I missed out on this modern "bushless" craze. Smug little fucker, like there's something bad about a little 'lap jungle" going on down there.

    • the_deliverator

      I will agree on that. i would like to know if he's all shaved and purty down there.

    • twogoats

      You can't be older than me. Can I just say, if I'm visiting the house, I might notice the landscaping, but I ain't gonna refuse to go inside if the hedge isn't trimmed.

      • Doglessliberal

        Ah, but sometimes the hedge is so overgrown that you cannot find the door. Trimming is always a nice thing to do for your visitors.

        • twogoats

          Nice and those little touches are always appreciated, but after closing time sex presumes some willingness to put up with challenges.

          • Doglessliberal

            True, and as the comment below notes (re: Boy Scout costume), he is clearly a pedophile.

          • V572625694

            And a pubic pedant.

        • the_deliverator

          so you're a big fan of the vajazzling? a little shiny here and there to catch the eye?

          • Doglessliberal

            No, those are garden gnomes in a lovely landscape. Not to my taste. I could see a tattoo (a nice, small pretty one in that general area, not HELLO SAILOR with an arrow), but nothing more.

          • the_deliverator

            ok the garden gnomes thing made me snort my coffee.

          • Ducksworthy

            Or like St. Sarah's trash stamp "Insert Coins Below"?

          • http://fontofliberty.blogspot.com/ Rarian Rakista

            More like those mirrored balls they sell at home depot that my crazy cat lady neighbor has installed throughout her front yard so it looks like a blinding alien landing zone as you walk by.

        • BarryOPotter

          Existentialism on Wednesday, pubic styling on Thursday. Wonkette: it's what the world needs more of.

          • Doglessliberal

            So much how I feel. My spousal unit and I were noting the other evening how Wonkette has the most erudite group of people out there. The body of collective knowledge is pretty amazing. I forget what inspired the discussion but I think it was something about 19th c. Naval history.

          • prommie

            Yes, but we're also fucking crude and kinky too, never forget that!

          • http://fontofliberty.blogspot.com/ Rarian Rakista

            Intelligent people often tend to be more risqué in their speech but can do so cleverly in a less pejorative way than your average Joe.

            We make fun of people's opinions more often than how they look, that makes us better people.

          • MissTaken

            Wasn't there just a study saying us libtard elites are born with teh kinky sechs gene? I could swear that was on my Wonkett's this week. Or maybe I just imagined it while pruning my own garden in anticipation for the weekend.

          • Weenus299

            Sweet GOD JESUS, that Alfred Thayer Mahan Gets Me Soooo Hot.

          • Neilist

            Mahan always waxed his straits.

        • BaldarTFlagass

          You kids these days want everything handed to you on a fucking platter! No sense of adventure! What the fuck happened to the Wonkette I used to know? Where's the spirit? Where's the guts? This could be the greatest night of your lives…but you're gonna let it be the worst! "We're afraid to go with you, Baldar. We might get pubic hair stuck in our teeth." Just kiss my ass from now on!!

          • Weenus299

            Hear hear! Even the Pilgrims were not afraid to tread into the Great Wilderness!

          • mayor_quimby

            Dude, you do NOT eat out the older, drunk, plastic costume wearing broad who shows up at your house unsolicited! That is a recipe for trouble, but he shoulda worn the thickest condom he owns and gotten down to business.
            How much better would his story have been if it ended "but i didn't give a fuck, I put on my man pants and rode her until she squirted and ruined my sheets"
            Then we would get to make her deny being a squirter (disclaimer: Some of my best 'friends' are squirters, for obvious reasons).

      • Extemporanus

        If there's a bustle in the hedgerow, you're not alarmed now?

        • PhilippePetain

          Man, I've passed on saying it before, but your little asides make my fucking day.

          • Lascauxcaveman

            A little spring-clean for the May Queen too much to ask for?

          • Extemporanus

            Props for rockin' the setup, LC!

          • Lascauxcaveman

            You set 'em up, I'll knock 'em down. (If I seem 'em. That one seemed obv.)

          • BarryOPotter

            Absolutely!

          • Extemporanus

            I'm not sure whether I should offer my thanks for that comment, or my condolences for the fact that your days are so fucking horrible that my little asides are considered a highlight.

            Regardless, I shall keep you in my thoughts going forward, my friend, and endeavor to provide you daily with words sufficiently witty enough that you might find the strength to somehow soldier on.

        • Doglessliberal

          Does anyone else hear "Stairway to Heaven" and think about awkward middle school dance moments when the slow song came on? It was that one every time. Or Lionel Richie's "Hello."

          • PsycWench

            Donna Summers "Love to love you Baby"! In middle school it produced awkward moments (with love interests AND parents) normally associated with douche commercials.

          • prommie

            Mom, can we talk about stankpuss?

        • kenlayisalive

          I'm thinking it's not the overgrowth that got him, but the aphids.

          • Toomush_Infer

            perhaps she needs to see a Horticulturist…zee bugs in zee bush….?

        • Chet Kincaid

          Your usual impeccable timing!

      • prommie

        The worst, the very worst moment, when you do finally realize that you are not "young" anymore, it is when you find that first gray pubie. Oh, its a sad day, a truly sad day, at that moment, you know, that no hotchick will ever look at you again as anything but a creepy old man.

        • Beetagger

          I respect my inner creepy-old-man. Since I am one externally as well.

        • GOPCrusher

          You say creepy old man like it's a bad thing.

        • PhilippePetain

          Wait, the PUBES go gray too???? Fuck.

    • Flat_Earther

      They taste the same…

      • BaldarTFlagass

        Plus: Nature's Dental Floss!

        • PhilippePetain

          Doubles as nature's epicac.

      • http://www.ghostnote.net Buzz Feedback

        Like a penny?

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Man, when Guccione started showing even just a hint of the bush in Penthouse back in the early 70s, it was traumatic. I made Alexander Portnoy look like, well, Christine O'Donnell

  • PhilippePetain

    This guy is probably a wingnut too, right? So the whole "Not Able to Get It Up With Grass On the Field" thing probably makes a bit of sense.

  • Flat_Earther

    Did he buzz-off or did he get to poke her with his stinger?

  • chickensmack

    I'm calling bullshit. What man gets that close to sex with anyone that says "virgin" during the hot moments, then clamors away in revile and disgust?

    • HistoriCat

      Really, how much sexy time do you have on a regular basis if you can say "ew, pubes" and just walk away from the nudity? OK, so she said she's not having sex … then she takes off her underwear? I would call that a signal which needs to be explored in more depth. The football game is not over at the two-minute warning.

      (Gah – I've resorted to sports metaphors. Someone help me!)

      • chickensmack

        You'd think that Christine O'Donnell — worldwide spokesperson for everything Christian, wholesome and cloying — would be ripe for picking, if the only thing that gets accomplished would be to prick her bubble of pretension and hypocrisy.

        That's the other reason I'm calling bullshit; even from miles away I'd almost swear to her near-virgin status, just because every Christian has to claim some kind of oppression to gain supporters.

      • http://fontofliberty.blogspot.com/ Rarian Rakista

        I am in my 30's and I have dated women who have been shaving their pubes for 15 years. One I took camping this summer for a week had never even had allowed peach fuzz to form before, she was 25. She kept feeling down there and smelling her hand, it was weird it was like watching someone go through puberty.

    • http://writechic.wordpress.com/ writechic

      Repubicans?

      • chickensmack

        Good point! Maybe he didn't boink her because he didn't see a peen.

  • Barrelhse

    Jesus, what would this guy do if he had the Bush twins?

    • chickensmack

      Oh, that's waaay too much Bush for him. "Get out, you cracker eatin' bitches!"

    • Not_So_Much

      Drown in second-hand cosmo vomit and cheap Hello Kitty body-spray.

      • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

        Though I can only give you one thumbs-up on Wonkette, know that I am giving you a thousand in my heart for that comment.

  • neiltheblaze

    And another thing – how does it rise to the level of "one night stand" if you haven't gotten past third base?

  • PhilippePetain

    Ho-vember is right around the corner?

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "And she made it clear that she was planning on staying a virgin that night."

    Hey everyone, we're gonna have butt sex!!!

  • http://gratuity.wordpress.com/ Gratuitous World

    october furrprise

    • MaxNeanderthal

      I thought beavers stayed under the ice all winter?

  • forgracie

    It's not the garden that turns me off–it's that big backyard she's got.

    • BarryOPotter

      Ain't no party
      Like a backyard party
      So come on, let's party tonight!

      I'm Barry O'Potter, and you know that I most DEFINITELY approve this message!

  • Lucidamente1

    I hate to tell you this, but the guy who wrote the Gawker post is Pat Toomey.

  • slappypaddy

    so that was halloween, she dressed up like a ladybug, what was that? and okay, so, she gets naked in the bed with this guy, tells him she's a virgin and plans on staying that way–what the fuck, so to speak. but it's okay, as far as can tell, because it seems like she went home with a perhaps-not-quite-hetero fellow. i mean, excuse the fuck out of me, and my sex with strangers days are way behind me, but when i went home with a woman, and she got naked in bed with me, there was never any doubt in my mind what the morning state of any residual virginity was going to be, metaphysical or corporeal.

    and he didn't follow through because she's a little furry? nah. nah. i smells me a rat, fellow wonketties. something about this story just ain't straight. and i don't mean because the supposed fellow supposedly didn't bone her because of her lack of depilation. there's not a straight man i know who would refrain from fucking because of that, and he wouldn't use it as a measure of the lovely lady's sexual experience, either. nah. we're being lied to. gawker's being played. that post was probably written by some 24-year-old democratic campaign worker with a degree in creative arts from sarah lawrence.

    • el_chupacabra

      i think it more likely he used the pubes-excuse as a remedy for his sex-fail. Now, i'm suspect of any person who climbs into bed in such a situation, gets nekkid, then makes such an announcement. That's usually an invitation to be convincing and good at foreplay or whatever. This dude (if he and this situation exist) either has some other…er…shortcoming that he fails to mention, or is… no. That's gotta be it. She get's nekkid, he gets nekkid, THEN she announces it's a no-go. sounds like we're addressing the wrong nether region.

      • PhilippePetain

        Yeah, my first thought was, absolutely – whiskey dick excuse.

        • GOPCrusher

          Or premature ejaculation

        • phaVoom

          or needle dick. And then she pointed and laughed herself hoarse until the dear little thing flatlined.

    • Gleem_McShineys

      I totally agree with your interpretation 100%.

      Perhaps, though, there is an excuse that would have taken away all bragging rights for this event… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l7TWLxCIgwE

    • sezme

      I'm with you, brother. This one makes no sense. More likely someone came across a stash of Christine O'Donnell ladybug photos and decided to make up a little story. Either that or to give him a little leeway, perhaps she's a bonobo from the waist down.

    • Neilist

      Couldn't agree more, Slappy. We need more good, solid investigative journalism in the spirit of "I Fucked Ann Coulter In The Ass – HARD!"

      Should have won the Pulitzer Prize for political reporting.

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ donner_froh

    I went to the Gawker post and now really wish I had skipped it. No wonder he was freaked out by a naked adult woman:

    "The costume that I wore for the Halloween a year before—a boy scout's uniform that belonged to a friend—was still sitting in my closet."

    The guy must be at least a Republican Party state chairman by now.

    • Doglessliberal

      That does answer a lot.

    • Mindblank

      Can't be. He's an anti-Furry.

    • Vinnie Saltine

      actually, it wasn't a Boy Scout costume…he was a Boy Scout LEADER! And Damn was he pissed when he found out that his friend brought home the wrong Chris O'Donnell.

    • http://fontofliberty.blogspot.com/ Rarian Rakista

      The "friend" is probably in a 1000 pieces wrapped in plastic and hidden behind the laminate wood walls of the basement he obviously lives in.

    • BarackMyWorld

      I doubt that, since he obviously never liked Bush.

  • JMPEsq

    She got naked but was intending to stay a virgin that night? Sounds like someone believes in the old Catholic schoolgirl's oral sex isn't sex rule.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Catholic girls, how do they go?
      With a tongue like a cow
      She could make you go "wow!"

      • DoktorZoom

        Now that you mention it, Christine O'Donnell DOES look just like a Telefunken U-47…

  • PalinPussyPower

    If that's all it takes to make a man go limp then I'm putting a merkin in my "Ben Quayle Anti Rape Kit".

    That 70s porn bush better not be making a comeback. I lasered that shit off.

    • prommie

      Hey now, how YOU doin?

    • FearofaBlackReagan

      It is. Sasha Grey and all the trendy pr0n girls are sportin' the triangle these days (still shave the labes though).

      • Whatever

        Which in my most humble opinion is the perfect compromise between the 70's/80's lost in the bush and the 90's/00' seven years old is how adults should look, look.

        Besides I'm getting old and my eyesight is going so it's nice to have something "pointing" the way.

  • Extemporanus

    Don't let their prim little name fool you — ladybugs are the biggest whores in the whole insect world.

    I had an orgy with a swarm of them last weekend, and every single one of those six-legged sluts was totally into hind-gut-to-mouthparts.

    • SmutBoffin

      I was gonna get with this hot ladybug last weekend, but the "lady"bug turned out to be a "ladyboy"bug with a good makeup job…

      • BaldarTFlagass

        Always look for the Adam's Apple. Sure giveaway.

        • kenlayisalive

          Yeah, but once you're far enough down their throat to feel the adam's apple, the deed is pretty much done, wouldn't you say?

    • DoktorZoom

      Does this mean I should add The Ladybug Centipede to my Netflix queue?

  • marionetta

    Ewww.. All I can say is Ewww.

  • loquacioustunes

    When her underwear came off, I immediately noticed that the waxing trend had completely passed her by.

    Both the "waxing trend" and the "whacking trend" have completely passed her by.

    • BarryOPotter

      No 'wax on, whack off' for Ladybug O'D.

  • Eve8Apples

    Now that we know Christie doesn't mow the yard, I wonder if Boehner bronzes his schlong.

    • Ducksworthy

      Now that's an Ewww! worthy though. And does he bronze it thinking about Xtine, or Sarah or, as I suspect, Karl Rove.

    • http://fontofliberty.blogspot.com/ Rarian Rakista

      It probably looks like a sad little carrot.

  • 4TheTurnstiles

    This is some sad shit right here. Now I want to buy her an ice cream cone.

  • widestanceroman

    With an un-Welcome Mat placed at the front door, isn't it the born-again virgin's method to direct deliveries to the service entry around back? Is that not the pledge they take?

    • MaxNeanderthal

      Flinging a bratwurst down the Alaska pipeline won't plug the leaks….

  • twogoats

    yeah, and her cat gets real cold in the winter

  • GeoffPeterson

    So when does the awkward sex anecdote about Sharron Angle come out?

    • problemwithcaring

      Please sir, if you don't mind. It's the lunch hour on the West Coast.

    • widestanceroman

      That was uncalled for.

    • neiltheblaze

      I fail to see how any sexual anecdote about Sharron Angle could be anything less than awkward. Stomach churning, also.

      • widestanceroman

        Between her overbite from hell and her Trig Palin eyes (you've seen them, it's not nice to say, but it's true), sex jokes about her seem past even the worst of the worst Wonkers.

    • http://wonkette.com Ken Layne

      Do Not Want.

    • BarryOPotter

      Geoff, there are certain topics one simply does not discuss in polite circles: the pubic stylings of DE senatorial hopefuls, the extent of Bo(eh)ner's bronzing or anything to do with the dreaded SharrAngle Muff Monster being three one. Please make note of this, and have a wonderful day.

    • elviouslyqueer

      Have you no sense of decency, sir, at long last? Have you left no sense of decency?

      • Chet Kincaid

        That right there is funny.

  • Allmighty_Manos

    I'm pretty sure Ralph Reed wrote this.

  • Pragmatist2

    I WILL NOT believe this until I see photos.
    Video would be better.

  • twogoats

    Intern Riley, Jack the Steuf, pretenders. That boy Layne knows how to get a comment string rolling.

    • Doglessliberal

      Ken, I think this one goes into the record books for, well, for something. Well done, sir.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Pretty sure Ken got this one because he's the only here who bothers to read Gawker.

  • Come here a minute

    I concur with all the commenters using some version of the expression "ugh!"

    And even though Christine O'Donnell seems like the type who believes that all press is good press, I don't think this will have much effect on the election results.

    • kenlayisalive

      Unless, of course, she jams a giant handful of her pubes into every voting machine.

  • twogoats

    Also, can I note Mr. Layne's genius in putting up a post about how all the white women wonkettes are genetically slutty just before he want to gather a big crowd for his Halloween party?

  • Limeylizzie

    Wow, what's with all the hatred of pubic hair? That waxing, Brazilian shit is painful , a tasteful trim is just fine, but come on as if women don't have enough craziness to keep up with the weight thing and the nails and the clothes and the make-up….Harrrumph.

    • waitforsugar

      not to mention having to use muslin strips.

      • Limeylizzie

        Or the hot sugaring thing, or the threading, which is excellent for the eyebrows btw and available in Harlem for $6, but not on the puss.

        • the_deliverator

          i had my eyebrows threaded. I am trying to imagine doing the pubes that way… it'd take FOREVER!! also, i love that this thread has COMPLETELY degenerated into shaved or full bush discussions.

          • Limeylizzie

            Yes, but it would be so precise and I bet you could get some cool shapes going on, but it would hurt. I bet all the male Wonketteers are feeling queasy about all the bush chat!

          • Limeylizzie

            Yes, but it would be so precise and I bet you could get some cool shapes going on, but it would hurt. I bet all the male Wonketteers are feeling queasy about all the bush chat!

    • ph7

      The rabid defense of bush here has me confused. Is it generational? Is there a politic statement behind bush of which I'm unaware? I realize all diners are welcome to feast at the smorgasbord of sexual preferences, but isn't shaving down a standard daily ritual these days? My GF goes through razors quicker than I do…

      • Limeylizzie

        Not standard at all in Europe. I think it became very common in US about 10 years ago, it will swing back I am sure, and shaving is just dreadful it makes it itch .

        • prommie

          The shaving, it leaves those red bumps, and pimply-looking things, and then there is stubble, whereas, regular old pubie hair is actually very very soft, and comforting to stroke, its like having a pet poodle.

          • Limeylizzie

            I agree, I like my pubic hair, it's a really pretty colour and the shaving is hell on your skin.

          • the_problem_child

            The pimply-looking things are probably ingrown hairs, from, you know, shaving.

          • the_deliverator

            I like you! The shaving, the waxing, depilators, anything like that makes me all ugly down there. so there is a nice big, 70's porn bush. otherwise i itch like Al Bundy.

      • sezme

        Completely generational, my boy. In my day, teenage lads would cream themselves looking at luxurious bush in the various smut mags. And having grown up craving the sight of it, the sight of hairlessness does nothing at all for me, except remind me of some nine-year old girls I had fun with when I was also nine. Anyway, unless you're a gynecologist and have managed to see a broad sampling of non-porn model twattage, you have no idea what's 'standard' do you?

        • JMPEsq

          I guess it is, and started more like fifteen years ago; I can't say I've ever seen one for real that wasn't at least tightly trimmed, and the really hairy stuff from old porn just looks bizarre to me.

          • prommie

            I grew up slobbering over damp porn mags in the woods, a pic of a of lap-afro was the ne plus, back then, but, I have to say, the legendary Demi Moore Horror Photo From Hell, it shocks even me. Considering the timing, I am starting to wonder if she herself, with that photo, inspired the modern shave-wax-bushless era? Like, the nation as a whole recoiling in horror to the other extreme?

      • OhNoGuy

        I say there's no adventure if you don't have to find your way through the jungle. Although a friendly native guide is a plus.

    • Doglessliberal

      I have a thingy that sort of pulls the hairs out (I guess like an Epilady. A Pubilady?) that works well. The waxing and shaving give me terrible rash/razor burn. But again, we are talking landing strip here, not barren field.

      • sezme

        Jesus, that pulling thing sounds positively medieval.

      • Limeylizzie

        I am with you on the landing strip thing anything more shaved off than that just looks as if you haven't had your first period yet.

        • Whatever

          THANK YOU!!

    • Tundra Grifter

      One thing we know for sure – Ms. O'Donnell has "enough craziness" all sewn up.

  • bumfug

    Tomorrow Meg Whitman's poolboy reveals that he lost his boner because she looks like a thumb with a bad wig.

    • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

      Lordy lord lordy, since Meg's fat ugly face has been on every TV for the past year, California's birth rate has hit a dramatic new low.

  • Failed_2_Menace

    If there's grass on the field, play ball.

  • itsjesuscriss

    Shaving or waxing 'down there' means that your hands might come in close contact with that which shall remain unnamed. The close proximity to the privates makes masturbation a certainty after such a manicure, therefore, it is best to let it grow wild and scented like God intended.

    • http://wonkette.com Zvi_Bleindmeis

      Wax it and you're already playing with it.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    I can’t believe I’m siding with O’Donnell on this matter. Don’t fear the fur pie boy.

  • Limeylizzie

    Well, would you shave yours off, it'll make you cock look enormous..honest.

    • bagofmice

      It does.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Don't need help in that department, last time I checked. But thank you for your concern.

    • prommie

      If the cock looks enormous, but noone is there to see it, does it still look enormous?

      • DoktorZoom

        I see we're back to existentialism again…

    • OhNoGuy

      I keep all sharp objects at a distance. Couple miles, preferably.

  • V572625694

    But to be there for, and deliverer of, the first orgasm…priceless!

    • Doglessliberal

      Ah, but see, my point is, she is too uptight to have one. It is not all physical. If she has this big a guilt/icky thing going on about sex, you could use the Super Premium Rabbit 1000 and her cat would not meow.

      • CalamityJames

        Typical. You're not even gonna offer a link. Sheesh! Guess I'll mark grandma off the xmas list.

        • http://fontofliberty.blogspot.com/ Rarian Rakista

          I'm pretty sure anything called "Super Premium Rabbit 1000" would be a street legal vehicle of some kind, so what you meant to say was.

          " Grandma drove down the street on her 100 horsepower dildo, delighting children and adults alike with her screams of joy and terror "

          • CalamityJames

            Gawd, I love that song.

      • V572625694

        You think you know something about women after xx years…like making money picking stocks, it turns out to have been luck rather than skill.

      • zhubajie

        Give'er the tongue. She's probably only virgin in some technical sense, anyway.

  • Gleem_McShineys

    If he was a bent-dick Republican as some have suggested, couldn't he just have imagined her as a Furry in a very tiny Chewbacca costume, and still got his yiff on?

  • teebob2000

    I'd squish it.

  • chicken_thief

    Hey, Gawker dude – PUT ON YOUR MAN PANTS! Jayzus Key-riste, you passed on the party because the lawn wasn't mown to your specs?!!! If you didn't have a ragin' throbbin' bone by the time she even got to the skivvies you be one gay mofo. Even if it looked like Fidel Castro eatin' a pork chop it wouldn't have fazed a real hetro.

    I think that whining about the bush is just a subterfuge. I think he was really turned off by the absence of a cock…

    • straighteight

      Oh Lord, "Fidel Castro eatin' a pork chop…" That's going to be hard to top. I'm going to remember that one.

  • BarackMyWorld

    I feel the need to pin this down…

    The guy doesn't say when this happened, but says he was 25 at the time (Oct. 31st of whatever year it was), and there's a 14 year age gap between them when he learned several months ago how old she was. That'd make her between 38-40 at the time, given that their birthdays probably don't line up perfectly, and so she could've been 38 or 39 when this happened. She's only 41 now. On Oct. 31st, 2008, Christine was a candidate for the U.S. Senate, I don't think she'd have time to be doing this so close to the election.

    So either this happened just 3 years ago, or the story is bullshit.

    • JMPEsq

      According to the Gawker article, it was three years ago, so 2007; he also says she mentioned her earlier failed primary run.

      • BarackMyWorld

        Oh, look, it says it right there in the italicized print right next to the first picture…

        I must have missed that part when I was reading trying to wrap my brain around the fact this douchebag could've hit that but didn't….not because she was drunk, but because she had pubic hair.

  • Extemporanus

    Alright, pubetards, I think it's about time for a little palette cleanser:

    "Just Buggin'", by O'Donnell-gang banging early-80s hip-hop sensation, Whistle!

  • natoslug

    All I care is that it be clean, warm and naturally-scented. I don't care what sort of 'do it's sporting.

    • Limeylizzie

      Then you, sir or madam, are more than welcome to a seat at my table.

      • natoslug

        Why thank you. I knew having my standards set to Warm, Wet and Willing would benefit me some day.

    • Limeylizzie

      Then you, sir or madam, are more than welcome to a seat at my table.

    • phaVoom

      so corn rows are okay?

      • natoslug

        Okay, corn rows and cum-dreads would be a little much. Anything short of either of those though . . .

        • Gleem_McShineys

          "Cum-dread"

          Feelings of fear Wonketeers may suffer from all the conjured mental images from this very comment thread popping unannounced into their minds at the most inopportune cresting moments of passion.

  • elpinche

    I always read O'Donnell posts on Wonkette while sitting on a towel.

  • bigdupa

    born again virgin = oral or gtfo

  • HOFAH

    Words cannot express how ashamed I am for having read that and laughed my self silly.

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    But aren't waxed pubes really waning, or do I have a confused over moonings?

    • Extemporanus

      You were on quite a crescent roll there, Weejee — gibbous some more!

  • MistaEko

    -Daddy, why are you always so sad and so happy when it's Campaign Season?
    -Well, honey. It's because campaign season is a very special time of year. You see, in seeking to determine who our leaders should be, we learn hilarious things about a lot of people. And that in turn makes us realize what terrible terrible people all of us really are. And while that sometimes makes us sad, it also makes us very very happy in a way.
    -oh….Daddy, can EVERY season be campaign season?
    -….well, now that's a wonderful thought….maybe we could…as long as we keep campaign season…in our hearts.

    /cinematic pan up to the night sky

    • chickensmack

      So who wants to play the part of Jesus in our little holiday Campaign Pageant, so they may die for our collective redemption — again?

  • http://stevenadamswv.com @stevenadamswv

    She's not bad looking though, if you can get beyond the crazy.

    • elpinche

      Nothing a little a jagermeister and a gym sock can't help. Yeah, that maybe sexist but we are on the 2nd page of an O'Donnell post.

  • jodyleek

    Looking forward to pics from the upcoming Wonkette All Hallows Eve Extravaganza with sexytime Ladybugs sporting huge, hairy bug vaginas.

    • chickensmack

      Would you call that a "bugina"?

      Layne started it.

      • OhNoGuy

        What do you spray on a "bugina"? Never mind, never mind. I got it now.

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ donner_froh

    "There's nothing in the Constitution about slick genitalia".

  • mereoblivion

    "You've got to be kidding," I said.

  • Toomush_Infer

    I know…it's just like the time back in the seventies, when I was getting it on with, um, Farrah Fawcett and, um, Demi Moore…like a sea of fleece…. and I was just grossed and, well, had to turn them down…

  • MistaEko

    I'd also like to just note that this thread is ten times more awesome than the Gawker one, so thanks again for being beholden to no overlords, Ken.

    • loquacioustunes

      Most of the Gawker thread is made up of confused commenters like me wondering why the fuck this story was cross posted on Jalopnik.

  • http://www.wonkette.com Dr_pangloss

    It's ok fair Wonkette. Your favorite mama grizzly is bare down there. Hookworms, also.

  • elpinche

    It's all over when she starts to snap her fingers and the gimp comes out of the box.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Two's company, three's an MMF menage, eh? No problem, as long as she agrees to put her hand down there to make sure our genitalia don't touch during the DP.

  • DarwinianDemon

    Is it just me or does the guy come off as some sort of weird peter pan wannabe in this letter? NOES PUBIC HAIR! I AM A BOYSCOUT FOR HALLOWEEN!

    • waitforsugar

      I hadn't thought of Peter Pan Man: http://www.pixyland.org/peterpan/

      • DarwinianDemon

        Guess Christine wasn't his Tinkerbelle :cry:

      • loquacioustunes

        I clicked on your link and, even though I'm already drinking, I needed to pour another glass of elitist liberal red wine. HOLY SHIT. This guy is something else, huh?

        • Jerri

          Every time I see that guy's picture I get a flash of Z-Man freaking out at his gathering.
          His wedding story is kind of sweet though. (I have a soft spot for stories of weirdos finding each other.)

  • BrentKockman

    This guy's disappointing story helped me finally figure out what that dreadful, pit of my stomach feeling is that I get when I think about Christine winning this election. Blue balls.

    And that's what feeling I hope her supporters get when she loses.

    • Vinnie Saltine

      Those are "red, white, and blue balls" you betcha!

  • EdFlintstone

    She should have hooked up with Clarence Thomas, a pube fan if there ever was one.

  • BarackMyWorld

    Christine immediately came up with an idea. She pointed to a cardboard box in the kitchen—the kind that 12-packs of Coca-Cola come in—and told him to cut a hole in the middle and put it on top of his head. We weren't sure what she was suggesting.

    "You can go as a cokehead!" she said, bursting into laughter.

    Such imaginative thinking! They should put that story in her campaign ads.

    • glindsey1979

      You know, I have to admit… that is extremely clever. Her talents are obviously being wasted on politics, when she would be doing FAR better as a comedic writer.

      • OhNoGuy

        Are they hiring over at "Three's Company"?

  • guavdna

    Looks like a bunch of people can't imagine that there is any straight guy out there that has aesthetic standards—after all, "guys fuck cows and inflatable dolls," therefore any man will fuck anything, including any chick with a gigantic rainforest between her legs.

    Guess what—lots of guys don't fuck cows. Or blow up dolls. Or just any woman that will have him. Some guys actually like certain things, and dislike other things. Is a hairy bush a good reason to be turned off by a woman? Sure. Are gnarley teeth, bad breath, or an extra 50 lbs a good reason to be turned off by a man? Sure. Male pattern baldness is "natural," but there are many women not turned on by balding men—and I don't blame them, being a balding man myself.

    Welcome to "preferences." We all have them.

    • problemwithcaring

      Personally, it's the "obviously" that makes my bush start to tingle.

      Even considering a statement like "some women find bald guys to be sexually repugnant," no one would so causally suggest that it is a mainstream notion. Baldness is hereditary, so domeheads are fucking somebody, somewhere.

      • guavdna

        You're absolutely right—the "obviously" is pretty lame, because it's not obvious at all.

  • kublakant

    Christine O'Donnel the only one that can save us Delaware from sin is in Washington. You do not have a clear worthly Wokette skum, your opinions and your sense of humor and the absurd attempt to make something useful of your life you will try to hate it. try to find a job that you are all unemployed, or at least outside the house since occasionallt. This entire blog can be shipped to Afghanistan, no one has lost any

    • GunTotingProgressive

      I haz a confused.

      • http://wonkette.com Zvi_Bleindmeis

        Kublakant's a little confused, too. There are a few bats up in that stately pleasure dome.

        • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

          Authentic Delaware gibberish!

          • OhNoGuy

            Someone found the Quaaludes! Any left? Didn't think so.

    • loquacioustunes

      TonyTheTiger?

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

    Proving yet again: cunts get all the attention.

  • Kitty_Sanchez

    This is a 25-year-old single male, in bed with a naked woman he considers attractive, and his unit deflates because her lady parts don't look like the naked porno ladies he's seen on his computer?

    Perhaps the reason he didn't have fun that night can be found in that closet he keeps that boy scout "costume" in, hmm?

  • Mindblank

    Poor Christine. It must be hard to be a born-again virgin for the fifty-first time.

  • Ruhe

    I know it's wrong to try to guess someone's sexual preference based just what you can see of their face (just a sliver) in a few photos but nonetheless I'm suspicious. Is anything like a "dog fight" practiced in the Republican Down Low community?

  • http://www.marionstein.net MarionNYNY

    Being pair-bonded and too old for hookupnation, I am seriously appalled to discover that all it takes for an allegedly hetero 25 year old boy to lose interest is the sight of pubic hair. In my day, I would have chalked it up to a touch of the gay. As for Christine, if there's no chance of her actually doing damage in the Senate, then I can safely feel sorry for her because this is pretty pathetic. Are all republicans stuck in some weird phase of adolescence? I'm going to take a shower now.

  • OhHellToTheNo

    This is obviously Jamie O'Keefe.There's probably a video and Dimbart will explain it all away.

  • piker62

    This ain't gonna change nothin' about nothin'.

  • Extemporanus

    SHOCKING VIDEO: Internationally acclaimed actress Isabella Rossellini re-enacting Christine O'Donnell's previous eight Halloween Night sexual encounters!

  • SudsMcKenzie

    Today, we are all "some weird guy" who got Chrisine O'Donelle nekked

  • SudsMcKenzie

    Today, we are all "some weird guy" who got Christine O'Donnell nekked

  • Vinnie Saltine

    Isn't Halloween a special night for witches? What is she doing hanging out a dive bar?

  • OzoneTom

    Would it be ironic if her "au naturel" fans put her over the top?

  • loquacioustunes

    Pics or GTFO, generally, the lot of you!

  • Vinnie Saltine

    This article prompted Carly Fiorina to say, "God, what's with that hair?"

  • http://www.legaldiversions.blogspot.com proflazlohollyfeld

    Boy, some of the Gawker commenters are quite offended. It's a good thing Anonymous left out all the details about felching. That would have really gotten their slim-fit dungarees in a bunch. Felch.

    • LetUsBray

      Thumbs Up for the gratuitous re-statement of "felch". Felch.

  • Tundra Grifter

    It's often interesting to learn if the drapes match the carpet.

    We just don't expect the carpet to be wall-to-wall.

  • 738838

    She has the nicest set of teeth I have ever come across!

  • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

    And I thought the hedge maze in The Shining was scary.

  • BarackMyWorld

    I did a chick three years ago who wore that exact same Halloween costume. Now, I didn't get her on Halloween itself, but I did have sex with her, and she did wear that costume, so that puts me ahead of the pubophic twit that sent this to Gawker.

  • LibrulEleet

    If she can't be trusted with basic crotch grooming, how can she be trusted with public policy?

  • Neilist

    Mr. Layne.

    As Wonkette's Conservative (Bad) Conscience, I must admonish you for that "story."

    For shame, Sir. For shame!

    There are so many things wrong, so many things that violate Wonkette's Code of Ethics and Journalistic Thoroughness.

    First, and most important: No NUDE photographs. The Red-Eyed Demon From Hell look is okay. But did you notice that she's STILL wearing clothes? We want SKIN in here, Mr. Layne. S-K-I-N.

    Second: This line: "I won't get into the nitty gritty details of what happened between the sheets that evening."

    Damnit, man, any editor worth his salt would have stayed on this subject until he had details (invented or otherwise), to equal those of that classic of American literature and reportage, "I Fucked Ann Coulter In The Ass — HARD!" Have you no sense of your obligations to your readers? Have you?

    Third: "Christine informed me that she was a virgin." That sentence clearly implies that, in Ms. O'Donnell's view, oral and anal sex don't count. But did you ASK? I can assure you, sir, that these issues count to US, your readers.

    Do your job, Mr. Layne. You, too, can be replaced.

    Neilist

  • Chet Kincaid

    Wow, already #1 on the most-commented list! (I don't count the post actually listed as #1 because of the troll invasion.)

    Well, history muffs, this musky, tangled forest of wet and wild opinions must henceforth be known in the annals of Wonkette as The Pubic Wars.

  • Neoyorquino

    Unshorn thatches aside, who gets naked to *not* have sex?

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ donner_froh

    One good thing about Wonkette’s amicable divorce from Gawker Media a couple of years ago is that now we can act “above it all” when, say, Gawker posts some puerile thing about Christine O’Donnell not waxing her ladyparts

    Another good thing–a really good thing–is that I don't have to look (or try to avoid looking) at those creepy "Gawker Artists" whenever I log in to Wonkette.

  • zhubajie

    Should've suggested the buttsecks. Probably she's a virgin in the same way as the cherry-girls in PI wh*re-houses are.

    Anyway, what's she stripping for if not something sexual? Comparing pubic hair colors?

  • ppshopping

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  • Terry

    Gentlemanly discretion is truly dead, isn't it?

  • prommie

    That "obviously" was most obnoxious, was it not? An anti-furburgerist? This is hirsutism! Razor discrimination, waxism, anti-beaverist hate speach, dammit!

  • JMPEsq

    Or he didn't want to get hair stuck in his teeth, which is kind of nasty.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Hope his kids don't have any pet rabbits.

  • PhilippePetain

    I'd feel way worse for her if she wasn't trying to inflict her sad-panda neuroses on the rest of the country.

  • Serolf_Divad

    They don't kiss and tell*

    *unless they can sell what they tell.

  • Serolf_Divad

    Yeah, teh sad does kinda tend to slip away when you snap back to reality and remember how it is we got here in the first place.

  • Whatever

    oh, christ, just pick'em out.

  • http://fontofliberty.blogspot.com/ Rarian Rakista

    Its like wearing a beard/Russian hat, it keeps your ears/face warm while you are down there.

  • http://fontofliberty.blogspot.com/ Rarian Rakista

    LinkedIn should totally allow Sex Workers to network.