The basic anatomy of a Ben Quayle ad is as follows: 1) It’s filmed in his dad’s study, and 2) Ben Quayle talks to us while he stalks around the study, acting creepily. But it’s only now that we’ve slowed down the video frame by frame that we realize why Ben Quayle is so creepy: The man’s face alternates every split second between looking like he’s going to murder you and looking like a tremendous doofus.
Murderer:
Doofus:
Serial rapist:
Trig:
Patrick Bateman:
If this man is elected, “Worst President Ever” Obama should seriously worry about Ben Quayle assassinating him. Or spitting up some creamed corn on his shirt, one of the two. [YouTube]
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The guy is a dead ringer for Ted Bundy.
Nope, Tony Perkins, cue the strings, here comes the knife!
Just had a vision of Marilyn Quayle in the Bates' basement. Didn't really tax the imagination much.
Mother, is that you Mother????
Mother! BLOOD!!
"You know what they do to little boys who hurt their mothers!!"
Psycho 2
I was thinking Tom Riddle.
"Pretty women make us buy beer. Ugly women make us drink beer."
Oh, wait. That's Al Bundy. Sorry.
Without the charming personality.
I think so, too. Wonder if he drives a 1970s VW bug without passenger-side door handles. Just saying.
- Patrick Bateman, American Psycho
Laugh all you want, but at least Ben Quayle eats his meat and potatoe.
You people are killing me.
Wonder if he learned Latin, in case he has to visit Latin American countries.
Like a rock. Only dumber.
Rocks everywhere are offended.
As are a variety of early 2000s Chevys.
And Bob Seger.
As are dumb people. Hell, even Trig.
He comes by the deer-in-the-headlights look naturally — it comes from his dad, Robin.
Do we know where Marilyn Quayle is these days? Maybe someone should check the rocking chair in Junior's basement.
She's busy embracing the serpent.
So, that's what the kids are calling masturbation, these days, eh?
I always loved the criticism of her book (I can't remember who said it), that it made you want to roll up a news paper and hit it saying "Bad book! Bad book!"
I vote for the creamed corn scenario.
Why we gotta go to creamed corn?! I like creamed corn. I don't want this AZ douche being any way associated with creamed corn. Let's have him spit up eggplant parm or something like that….
I don't think there was a single sentence in that ad longer than 5 words, until the last few seconds.
They fixed that one in post.
From a purely aesthetic point of view, I feel like I've just been stomped in the head.
Needs more Clem!
Is that why the lighting is so 'moody'? His undies are draining the current?
American Psycho: http://fusedfilm.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/c…
Precisely! Crank up the Phil Collins, add a couple of call girls and dash of Spitzer..chainsaw ready? In 3..2..1..rolling.
a telling sign: not one dictionary in the fucking place.
that's cause they rely on there spell check, weather they think they need it or knot.
ewe knead won!
Pictures 1, 4, and 5 look like something off the back of my Falcon videos.
He does oscillate quite regularly between "smoldering desire" and "twinkish enthusiasm," doesn't he?
I look forward to Quayle and Aaron Schock in next month's release of "Blowvember Rain"
Oddly, it will also feature Slash playing a guitar solo outside a rural church.
Whatcha' trying to say, that he has an incurable case of the gay-face?
I'd hit that.
With a baseball bat. After he broke into my bedroom through the window to rape me.
"acting creepily"? I don't think he's acting.
he's got Kryten* seams down the sides of his forehead.
mother was Marilyn Qualye, father was … a vacuum cleaner?
*http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kryten_(Red_Dwarf)
It's not only a congressional candidate, it's also a cheese slicer!!!
So that's what's so appealing to the ladies at home—and only two easy payments of $19.95!
(Use only as directed. For entertainment purposes only. Character and competence sold separately.)
All of the screencaps look like Trig–the fourth one is just a big more obvious. Dan Quayle has "retard" stamped all over him.
Washington is bearing down on us.
Why is it that all these schmucks who are so afraid of Washington want to go spend the next two to six years there? Shouldn't they be living off the grid in a trailer in the Mojave where no one will bother them? And more importantly, where they will not bother us?
Agree. Why the fuck won't these assholes just "go Galt" already? Jesus. They keep saying it like it's a threat and I keep getting my hopes up…for nothing!
As a corollary , why do the same bastards who say government can't do anything want to go run the government?
To make their dream of incompetent government a reality, natch.
Yeah, no shit. Read Tom Franks' The Wrecking Crew. All that shit that got fucked up in the govt while Bush was in office, like defunding all the regulatory agencies? It was just the way they wanted it to go, they were quite pleased with the results.
Also, "bearing down on us"? Maybe it's just the (somewhat) new father in me, but the birth imagery there is uncomfortable. Does he mean to say that the American public is crowning?
Is that tie a clip-on?
Not exactly. Clipping on a clip-on would have been above Ben's pay grade, and there was no guarantee Marilyn would be around to help out. The "tie" is actually sewn onto the shirt — a pre-fab, all-in-one. A sort of dickie, if you will. Also.
One of the funniest posts yet. Stop ruining people's careers, Stuef.
Do you like Huey Lewis and The News?
Fred Davis also produced the memorable Ben Quayle spot in which the former vice president's baby-faced son — who is running for Congress in Arizona — looked into the camera and declared, "Barack Obama is the worst president in history."
No wonder that guy isn't catching enough passes!
~
Coming from the nitwit son of the stupidest vice-president in history, that's pretty damning.
In one or two split seconds he kinda looks like Dr. Evil's son, Scott.
But then, yeah, the Potatoe up in there shows through.
How dare you talk about the TP'ers intellectual torchbearer with such disrespect! He will destroy you — WITH HIS BRAIN. We cannot comprehend the mighty power of Quayle thoughts. He makes Glenn Beck look like a itty-bitty cry baby.
Some people bend spoons with their mind, yet I don't think Ben here could bend a wet noodle with both arms.
Vitter wears them for fun – this guy just has a condition.
Somebody had sex with Dan Quayle?
Somebody, or some reptiloid?
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_6-IIXAF5HOE/SnACTn9xg8I…
~
Holy crap! What was that??!
Sigourney Weaver used to be so much hotter.
You can get that exact tie for $3.99 at 15th and K.
A couple of blocks away – late at night – you can find someone who looks just like Ben Quayle. Cash only.
Fascinating analysis, Jack. I see a blend of Cosmo Kramer and Kenneth Bianchi, without any of the charisma.
Books in the "library" look like they haven't been touched in years–why am I not surprised.
It's the gene pool, stupid!
Are those 'lectric undies the kind that hook around the thighs and are shaped like a naughty butterfly? Less stinulation is needed.
I thought Carly Fiorino stopped running the demon sheep ads…
if it had been ben quayle instead of christian bale that DP would have had his head stomped.
He just wants to give you a harmless pod.
You do want the pod don't you?
I thought Glenn Beck was the dying Teatard. This clown not only has the personality of a wilted flower but looks like he's got the AIDS and the cancer. If there was any less of him he'd be a freakin hologram.
And massive tax hikes?! Or record or whatever he said. There was that $250 billion or so tax relief in the stimulus….. did I miss something?
Yeah, he obviously don't have teh diabeetayz and teh obesitay, like Real Murkins. Elitist!
Don't confuse Beaver Cleaver there with facts.
Yeah. You missed the douchiness of Republicans Were have been the last 150 years?
So what you're saying is that Ben Quayle held down Trig so Patrick Bateman could get his rapey on, and then asked Trig for an apology for starting it anyway?
Makes sense to me. DOES IT TO YOU?
Trig IS a professional, you know.
The Yiff is strong in this one.
Too bad that they already remade "Psycho" with Vince Vaughn. This guy would be perfect to star. And who is it that the government made weak by making someone else strong? Is that "code" for all benefits now flowing to Minorities?
"And who is it that the government made weak by making someone else strong? "
Lockheed, Boeing, Northrop Grumman, Exxon-Mobil were all made weak. The Other was made strong. Oh yeah, and the army. Army Strong!! Hulk destroy!!!
Dear gods, this mongoloid fuck looks like a prepubescent linebacker.
- Arizonan Psychoe
Jack gives great alt-text. This is the worst hay fever headache day yet (though I've gone through every sinus remedy known on planet earth) and finally dipped into the narcotic cough syrup for a night cap, topped off with a half a Lunesta. While the sleep/high/groggy kicks in (whoops. There it goes. You can't believe the typos I'm correcting. Forgive me if a few slip through) I thought I would say nitey-nite to my bffs, the potty-mouthed, highly educated losers affectionately know as the wonkeratti.
I was hoping that Ken had done one of his Dear Shit fer brains posts, since those bring out the best (the worse in the real world. If the real world still exists in this moronic country) in wonk vitriol, but I will have to settle for the serial killer/dumb-dumberer person in these creepy videos. How apt he is the spawn of Dan "learning Latin is important because it's spoken throughout Latin America" Quayle.
This guy reminds me of the pasty white creeps who wear jackets and ties to class in college and stare at you in the library, assuming you will notice his corporate, dressed for success look means he is going to be the CEO of a major defense contractor one day and be in charge of making really cool, scy-fyish weapons when really, all he wants is to get laid because he never has before. The end. That's all I got.
He's also kind of sexy. In a repulsive and creepy way, of course.
This man-boy looks like an honest-to-god cartoon caricature brought to life. I am not kidding.
- Arizonan Psychoe
As someone who works in the industry, whoever directed this ad made some serious flaws. First of all, having Quayle walk slowly and creepily toward the camera is exactly the kind of menacing shot you would create for a horror movie. The other big flaw is the extra shadows. Like the Christine O'Donnell "I am not a Witch" ad, it was an obvious mistake to put her in front of a very dark background.
He looks a lot like his mom, whose mouth looks like something out of "Jaws." But he's got his father's eyes.
Yes, his father's pale, empty, vacant, souless eyes, bless his heart.
The eyes are a window into the soul. Horrible.
Why do these guys keep harping that they want the government to give us jobs but they don't want they government in our lives? How does that work?
Magic, my friend. Jesus is magic.
This could be Ben Quayle's quote:
"We realize that more and more Americans are starting to see the light there and understand the contrast. And we talk a lot about, OK, we're confident that we're going to win on Tuesday, so from there, the first 100 days, how are we going to kick in the plan that will get this economy back on the right track and really shore up the strategies that we need over in Iraq and Iran to win these wars?"
He is mighty creepy.
I'm sorry Mr. Quayle but isn't the entire governing philosophy of the GOP making White 'Muricans stronger at the expense of non Christian non Whites?
Who has a study like that? Or even has a study to begin with. It looks like something Pete Cambell's dad would have.
good news,there's Fashionable.
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GET OUT OF TIM JAMES' STUDY!
I don't remember if Quayle is replacing Franks or Shadegg, but he will actually be an upgrade on either, no matter how horrifying he is. Think about that for a bit, willya?
Ben Quayle just needs to go return some videotapes.
I am STILL laughing at this. I love, Love, LOVE you, Jack Stuef.
Has anyone ever noticed Marilyn Quayle looks exactly like Cotton Mather. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cotton_Mather
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