Washington Post Blows All Its John Boehner Boner Puns In One Profile

The Post ran a profile piece about John Boehner today, because pretty soon he will be third in line to the presidency. That would be fine, but they totally wasted all their good boner puns before he even became Speaker. C’mon, Post! You don’t have to make the title a pun. “The rise, fall and rise of John Boehner”? That sort of thing should be saved for his inevitable first admission of an affair with a lobbyist. And then there’s this: “Just before Thanksgiving 1998, John A. Boehner hit bottom. The Ohio congressman, once a comer in the Republican Party, was unceremoniously removed from his post in the House leadership.” “Bottom”? You’re really reaching for a gay thing there, Post. And just throwing “comer” in there too? It’s the second sentence, for crying out loud. The rest of the article is about Boehner crying and about how nothing will get passed in Congress once the GOP takes over the House, so they should have realized Boehner puns should be saved up to be used in the next year or so, when there will be no Congressional news at all.

That night, Boehner commiserated with his closest friends at Sam and Harry’s steakhouse in downtown Washington. He kept a brave face over glasses of red wine, until Republican Rep. Tom Latham of Iowa rose to toast his best friend. That’s when Boehner, who is prone to tears (it drives him crazy, but he can’t help it), lost it.

“Everybody in the whole room cried,” he said.

Aww, that’s when John Boehner lost his leadership job. He was so sad he didn’t have a cool title anymore.

And then there’s the usual stuff about how Boehner won’t be letting anything get passed without a Republican to sign it into law.

And the old “John Boehner only hangs out with lobbyists” stuff that still nobody can even be bothered to feign interest in.

Boehner has long drawn attention for his close relationship with lobbyists. His largest corporate donor over the past 20 years is AK Steel, an Ohio company whose lobbyists helped launch his political career in the mid-1980s. He has also accepted large checks from the financial services and insurance industries.

“I talk to everybody all the time,” Boehner said. “The question is not how close I am to them, the question is whether the people agree with what I’m doing.”

See, John Boehner talks to some people who aren’t lobbyists too! So it’s okay. Just like some people have a token black friend they are proud to have, John Boehner is proud to have a token friend who is not a lobbyist.

And to answer his question: Yes, obviously the lobbyists agree with what he is doing. Otherwise we would see him standing with his suitcases alone on a street corner outside the lobbyist’s house where he lives, crying. [WP]