California Über Alles

Carly Fiorina In Hospital, Meg Whitman Concedes To Governor Brown

iCarly.Let’s check in with our California Bureau to see what’s going on with all the hawt governor races and Senate races and the Marijuana Legalize It law and other such concerns in the world’s fifth sixth seventh ninth tenth biggest failed economy. First, the Republican lady who destroyed so many lives in California, Carly Fiorina, is in the Hospital! She has some scary infection related to her cancer surgery. It would be a shame if this is what makes her lose to Barbara Boxer, because Fiorina is such a vapid mean-girl dolt that it’s basically unfair to Breast Cancer if her Poor Health trumps the many other reasons she is completely unqualified to serve in the Senate. Also, Meg Whitman accidentally and hilariously made a commercial endorsing Jerry Brown for governor!

First, the surprising hospital news about Fiorina, a week before Election Day:

Carly Fiorina, the Republican candidate for the U.S. Senate in California, has been hospitalized for treatment of an infection, her campaign said in a statement released Tuesday.

The infection is related to reconstructive surgery she had after successfully battling breast cancer, the statement said.


The campaign did not say when or where she was admitted.

The Wall Street Journal adds this: “Campaign staffers wouldn’t elaborate on the terse statement, which also said Ms. Fiorina remains cancer-free after being treated for it last year.”

Despite headlines about Fiorina “surging” in the final stretch, most polls show her trailing Barbara Boxer by between five and eight points. Get well soon, Carly, so you can lose for the original reason of being awful.

As for loser-lady Meg Whitman, it’s best that you just watch this commercial:

Haha, Meg Whitman has never actually voted, so it’s no real shock to hear her describe Jerry Brown’s time as governor as a wonderful period in California history. What’s a governor, anyway?

About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne
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  1. SayItWithWookies

    Jerry Brown had nothing to do with it, Ken — it was the power of the free market making California wonderful all by itself.

        1. SudsMcKenzie

          Is just like a blog, but you actually write things like " in my opinion" and "I laughed out loud".

      1. kenlayisalive

        she can hike up whatever she wants, just so long as it isn't her skirt.

        uuuuugh. Would it be too much to say it probably looks like an elephant with a blonde mustache?

        Too soon?

    1. nicnack74

      Benjamin Franklin is an esteemed founding father. The fact that he's been reincarnated is something to marvel and appreciate. Behold his majesty!

  2. KochFembot

    Carly, when you fail miserably this time, there won't be a big check waiting for you. Get well soon!

    1. Beowoof

      Hey if you get sick under republican rule, we know it is screw you. So Carly, I would like to say get well but since you are republican I will give you what you republicans have for the poor. Screw you.

  3. natoslug

    Hey Meg, one of the reasons I finally came back to California is so I could cast a vote AGAINST you. Glad to see we're fighting for the same things!

    1. bumfug

      Ditto (pardon the expression) – I got back here on the 14th, four days before the voter registration deadline.

  4. Badonkadonkette

    I am deeply conflicted. I want to revel in my hatred of Carly Fiorina for being such an awful, dishonest, mean, petty, shameless human being. Yet I cannot help but admire her strength at beating cancer, and wish her a speedy, full recovery, because though she may be a terrible human being, she is a human being, and I fully believe in the inherent goodness of all people. It's times like these I wish I were Republican.

    1. slappypaddy

      with that display of tenderhearted human compassion, i'm afraid you would never be more than a RINO.

    2. SayItWithWookies

      Just remember that a treatment for cancer is another one of those things that wouldn't be around if it weren't for government funding, which Fiorina would eliminate.

    3. problemwithcaring

      These feelings aren't mutually exclusive. Being an awful, dishonest, mean, petty, shameless human being who is running for office is obviously taking a toll on her body. Let's all wish her a speedy recovery, so that she can spend some time away from national politics being an awful, dishonest, mean, petty, shameless human being at home.

      1. nachoproblem

        India might be a good alternative. I'm all for her doing her thing in good health, but not in my home state if possible.

    4. elviouslyqueer

      Perfectly understandable, and it's a fine thing to wish for Carly's recovery and continued good health. It's also an equally fine thing to wish for her to get soundly trounced in the election so she can enjoy the same unemployment she foisted on thousands of her former employees.

  5. Progressiveinga

    That's Meg Whitman? I thought it was Dwight D. Eisenhower in drag. I was all "our 34th president was a tranny" and shit. Kinda disappointed.

  6. Amaravilha

    My grandmother brought my mother and uncles to California because of Pat Brown's world-class universities. Then Prop. 13 happened. Now I live near Carl Paladino's dog. The end.

    1. BerkeleyBear

      Well, as public universities go the UC is still pretty amazing. Public high schools, not so much.

  7. PublicLuxury

    What a train wreck/crime scene. Voter fraud is already responsible for the drop in republithug support.

    These morans will do anything to avoid reality. HEY… Your mother and father were brother and sister your grandfather is also your father and uncle. Face the truth republiscum and come out of the closet and denounce the single branch genealogy method. The single branch just makes it easier for the Mormons to track you….

    1. BerkeleyBear

      Well, California's pre-existing condition pool just got up and running, so she has that to fall back on (since Cali decided to work with the Feds instead of trying a hail mary over the mandate that won't do shit about the need to expand Medicare and offer insurance to cancer survivors).

  8. GuyClinch

    Looks like Whitman's eBay auction is about to end and she's only gotten a few bids and they're nowhere near meeting reserve. But free shipping to Mexico, apparently. At least for the household help.

  9. marinmaven

    "We wish Carly Fiorina a speedy recovery and hope she is able to return to her normal schedule soon," Boxer campaign manager Rose Kapolczynski said in a statement.

    I echo that. If it was a democratic candidate fallen ill, I am certain republicans would not be as nice.

    Besides, without Carly we would not have the now legendary Demon Sheep ad from the republican primaries where she reveals that republicans are just a flock of sheep and perhaps furries also.

    1. BerkeleyBear

      Look no further than the death of Obama's grandmother the weekend before the election to know how they'd react. Public milquetoast comments with a well-oiled conspiracy machine running behind and underneath it.

  10. Sepatown!

    I'm going as Meg Whitman for Halloween. With a tri-corner hat I become a serviceable Ben Franklin. After a few drinks, take the hat off, eat the mouse, and I'm Meg Whitman again.

    1. deelzebub

      Seeing as your name is Kevin, I assume you are male. This leads me to say, "shut the fuck up about abortion until you have a vag, asshole".

      1. Kevin Stowell

        'Feeling a little guilty about having killed your own family? You should.


        Shut the fuck up until you have an asshole, vag.

        My point with that link was more about the racism and eugenicist tendencies of the Left. Well, that, and fetus-phobia.

        1. June_Cleaver2.0

          Right-winger, you will never pull off "the left is racist" bullshit. And you own most of the phobias around here.

          1. Kevin Stowell

            "Right-winger, you will never pull off "the left is racist" bullshit."

            Don't have to–it's existential. All the denial in the world doesn't alter truth.

          2. Dashboard_Jesus

            Kevo, you wouldn't know the 'truth' if it smacked you upside the head with a fuckin' 2×4…and by the level of ignorance displayed by your asinine/racist comments spewed forth so far my money says you couldn't explain 'existentialism' if you, Scarah Palin and a million monkeys typed meaningless word salad from your keyboard for a hundred years! moron…also

          3. JMPEsq

            His "existential" probably means "no, black people are dumber than white folk, and I'm just gonna ignore the effects of hundreds of years of slavery followed by enforced segregation and poverty that is still ongoing."

          4. Kevin Stowell

            A common tactic of communists is to fabricate someone else's position and then to criticize them as if that fabrication were true, completely oblivious to how delusional the critic has to be to accept that as reality. My God, you Darwidiots are stupid.

          5. JMPEsq

            "Darwidiots"? Wait, I think Kevin just outed himself as a creationist, which means he's even more of a moron than we thought.

          6. GodHelpUsAll912

            Childish……..sticks and stones….. and you have NOTHING, no facts, not a thing, just name calling. My ….I bet you make sorros proud, I also bet you're one of his star pupils. LOL

          7. JMPEsq

            "no facts, not a thing, just name calling. My ….I bet you make sorros proud"

            I love the irony of these two sentences back to back.

          8. Kevin Stowell

            "His "existential" probably means "no, black people are dumber than white folk, and I'm just gonna ignore the effects of hundreds of years of slavery followed by" hundreds of years more of condescension and government-sponsored slavery.

            That should work as well as tried-and-failed things always work. Well, at least you're about "progress" and not holding people back by treating them as your inferiors in every conceivable way. "Why didn't I not think of that!

          9. JMPEsq

            Oh fuck, here you cretins are again comparing slavery to good government programs you don't like. Yeah, government doing its fucking job is slavery; do you realize how much sense this does not make?

            Will you apologize to everyone who is descended from actual slaves for this evil disingenuous shit?

      2. JMPEsq

        It's funny that these guys like to claim they protect freedom and liberty, yet are so opposed to protecting the freedom to control one's own body. It's almost as if they don't really support freedom at all, or they think it doesn't matter for women.

        Note: if, like Rand Paul, you call yourself "libertarian" but oppose the right to choose, then it is a misnomer, because you are objectively anti-liberty, not to mention an evil fuckhead.

          1. mijowi

            The fed govt should not be involved in abortion in any way. I think that if an abortion is being contemplated it should be the choice of the father and the mother of the child since it takes both of them to create the child. Now if the child is created through a rape then only the mother has a choice in my opinion.

          2. mijowi

            How does the person most affected represent themselves?

            By the way if the two people that are creating the child have no desire to have a child then they should take all precautions necessary so that the child is not created.

            As an option against aborting the child there is always adoption.

          3. Spanky2a

            "How does the person most affected represent themselves?
            Via protection by the government.
            "By the way if the two people that are creating the child have no desire to have a child then they should take all precautions necessary so that the child is not created.

            As an option against aborting the child there is always adoption."

          4. mijowi

            If people are being responsible for their actions and the consequences that result from their action then I would think the abortion would not be a common place solution for birth control.

            I think that when people are acting responsible that there is little need for the govt to be deeply involved in our lives.

          5. Spanky2a

            "If people are being responsible for their actions…"

            Unfortunately, a large number of people irresponsibly employ abortion (at the rate of 3,700/day in the USA) as a form of birth control.

          6. Spanky2a

            That's the underlying issue, which people have attempted to address for MANY decades but have yet to resolve.

        1. GodHelpUsAll912

          Freedom for who? Just you or you think you get to pick and choose who all gets freedom?…..but never mind the freedom of the baby you're killing? Hypocritical? No?
          Go seek help!

          1. JMPEsq

            Sorry, but there's no freedom for a mindless zygote just because it might be a human someday. Embryos aren't babies, idiot.

          2. GodHelpUsAll912

            " Sorry, but there's no freedom for a mindless zygote just because it might be a human someday. Embryos aren't babies, idiot."

            Says who? You? Sorros? Scientists? God didn't give you the right to decide who lives or dies. If you don't want kids you have a choice, close your legs, or get yourself fixed. Go look up the word HYPOCRITE since you're so good at calling names.
            You sound like a student in school that comes here to this swamp site where your mama can't find ya. LOL

          3. JMPEsq

            Why do you hate freedom?

            And really, it's ridiculous to call something human that has no brain, and can't think or feel. But feel free to bring your imaginary friend into this!

          4. GodHelpUsAll912

            " And really, it's ridiculous to call something human that has no brain, "

            Is that what they told you to make your GUILTY conscience feel better? LOL My my my you think you have it all figured out eh?
            Yes I DO like freedom….unlike you who likes to KILL babies, but I 'spose MURDER is ok with you so long as communists say so? Who left YOU to decide who should live or die? Who left you in charge of deciding if babies can think or feel, or have a brain as you put it?
            YOU are the one who hates freedom so much you have to kill an innocent baby to make your guilty conscience feel better, and all over a one night fling.
            Seek help.

          5. JMPEsq

            You don't seem to understand the meaning of the word "choice"; the only person who should decide are individual women, who freedom-haters like you believe should be forced to give birth.

            And we do actually know a lot about fetal development, including when the brain is formed and when it actually working, so there's no deciding when embryos can think or feel, we actually have objective proof of that, you idiot.

          6. GodHelpUsAll912

            " You don't seem to understand the meaning of the word "choice"; the only person who should decide are individual women, who freedom-haters like you believe should be forced to give birth."

            No….YOU don't seem to understand the meaning of CHOICE that's why you CHOOSE not to keep your legs closed, and you CHOOSE not to have yourself fixed. Oh…..and let's not forget the CHOICE you robbed the baby of….LIFE.
            You hypocrite. Now go confess of your sins.
            Thumb me down all you want, it won't take your GUILT away, or change the fact that MURDER is NOT something you CHOOSE. It's breaking the law, and one of Gods commandments, Thou shalt not kill. It don't say unless your irresponsible and oops oh I'll just get an abortion. Grow up!
            Freedom is one thing, breaking the law is still criminal.

          7. deelzebub

            Were you one of the cheerleaders screaming for blood and masterbating to "Shock and Awe" when Bush started his choice war with Iraq? Are you for or against the death penalty? Those are also things you choose to or not to support like abortion. If you are against one but for the others, then you are a hypocrite since they also defy the teachings of Jesus.

          8. GodHelpUsAll912

            " If you are against one but for the others, then you are a hypocrite since they also defy the teachings of Jesus."

            Sorry heathen…..if you were one who reads Gods word you would find there were many wars in the Bible. The terrorists attacked us because they can't stand freedoms.
            You terrorist sympathizer. Yeah sorros brainwashed that into you too eh?
            Now regardless of the fancy words that your communists dictating sorros satan worshipers tell you…..there's only ONE judgment day honey, and believe me when I tell you, sorros and obama won't be there to save your butt when God asks you questions. You save your argument for Him.

            Now in the meantime you children go on an keep telling yourself you're all for choices while killing innocent babies because of your own irresponsible pleasures. Go on…..hypocrite.
            This site is nothing more than a bunch of children who can't stand discipline. So according to your theory everyone can just break all the laws in the name of freedom you so much enjoy, yet you can't stand our Military or our Constitution.

          9. JMPEsq

            And if you were one who reads Manwë Súlimo's words you will find that there were many wars in the Silmarillion. The orcs attacked man and elf because they can't stand freedom. Hey, if you're going to try and use a fantasy novel to justify your arguments, try using one that's at least well written and internally consistent.

          10. GodHelpUsAll912

            " Hey, if you're going to try and use a fantasy novel to justify your arguments, try using one that's at least well written and internally consistent. "

            Ughhh you saying the Bible is a fantasy novel? YOU and your bed partner here was the ones who brought God into it.
            Now I'm out of here, go try an find someone else to sink your claws into. I have to go and wash this sulfur off my body.
            I guess I should not turn around as I leave I may be turned into a pillar of salt. ; )

          11. deelzebub

            The terrorist weren't from Iraq, moron. Look into the history of the People For A New American Century. The IRaq war was premeditated before 9/11; 9/11 just gave the Neocons the excuse they were looking for to launch their plans. Notice I didn't say anything about Afghanistan, you know the justified war to protect ourselves.

          12. GodHelpUsAll912

            By the way preacher….actually God said an eye for an eye. LOL
            Do you have any idea what happened to whores in the Bible? Go ahead…..look it up……go on I dare ya! Have a sweet wonderful day now.

          13. JMPEsq

            A bunch of evil cretins try and stone the whore to death until that Jesus guy stops them with the whole "let he who is without sin cast the first stone" speech. Not that the Bible is relevant to anything.

          14. GodHelpUsAll912

            Yeap…out of all the whores 1 was saved…..just think… could be THAT one saved. Ohhhh never mind…..wishful thinking eh?
            If you don't believe in the Bible or understand than I suggest you stop TRYING to take it out of context.
            Man you keep racking up the sins today.

          15. JMPEsq

            Oh no, I'm racking up the sins! Then if I'm not careful, after I die I might – be dead and no longer exist, just like everybody else.

          16. deelzebub

            Funny, as a Christian, I thought God sent Jesus to redeem our sins and that to preach the new Gospels, like "turn the other cheek" and "judge not yest ye be judged", and "He who loves me will be loved by my Father". if you want to disregard the New Testament that makes you Jewish, not Christian.

          17. JMPEsq

            Someone never took civics or history, because abortion has not been breaking the law in any state since 1973.

          18. Kevin Stowell

            "To have a right to do a thing is not at all the same as to be right in doing it." – A Short History of England, Ch.10 Chesterton.

          19. JMPEsq

            And? Not only is that irrelevant, since having an abortion can be the right thing for person to do, it doesn't change the fact that the idiot called abortion "breaking the law", which it is not.

          20. Patriot2Opine

            " And we do actually know a lot about fetal development, including when the brain is formed and when it actually working, so there's no deciding when embryos can think or feel, we actually have objective proof of that, you idiot."

            Mind citing your sources or are you a parrot idiot?

            "conjunction junction what is your function?" Sesame Street.

            Ooops forgot one more thing. Ever study logical fallacies? Just wondering.

          21. problemwithcaring

            Please provide the citation that Sesame Street ever said the phrase ''conjunction junction what's your function."

          22. GreasyRabbit75

            You get to be called a human. Even though you have no brain, and apparently can't think or feel. Too. Also.

          23. GodHelpUsAll912

            I guess we're saved from the communists after all. They have no brains, or feelings, and they damn sure can't think. LOL

          24. Patriot2Opine

            "And really, it's ridiculous to call something human that has no brain, and can't think or feel."

            And all along I thought that progressives were human. Back to the books I guess. For now I will consider progressives failed abortions.

      3. problemwithcaring

        Can I add "shut the fuck up about your fake ass sentiments towards Afro-centricism, until you are as equally concerned about the welfare Black children actually alive on planet Earth" or is that feeding the troll?

        1. problemwithcaring

          Aw – links to all your home skooling tools. How cute. These must be the sites that learned you how love Black fetuses so much. Endearing.

        2. GodHelpUsAll912

          " Can I add "shut the fuck up about your fake ass sentiments towards Afro-centricism,"

          My my who peed in your cheerio's this morning….or are you always this full of rage. I'd have that checked.

          1. problemwithcaring

            Oh, wise troll – you are correct. I am a very fragile person. Your spot on ribbing has me questioning my mental stability. There really is nothing left to do but get this abortion.

            Thanks for showing me the light.

    2. Extemporanus

      Oh, hi there Kevin — it's me, Extemporanus, the perverted Obama-voting clown whose bio so offended the delicate sensibilities of you and your dog-eating pretend Internet girlfriend with all the vowels and underscores and extra chromosomes in their name! How goes it?

      Just thought you should know that your little girls are in need of some new swimsuits — I believe I may have gotten, well, something on them….


      1. Kevin Stowell

        Can't say I know you, anus, so it's unlikely you offended me but I appreciate your concern anyway. Otherwise, I can't imagine what you think you said.

          1. Beowoof

            I would be careful it sounds as if he wants to know your anus. He sounds like the kind of guy who would try that with no lube.

          2. Kevin Stowell

            Your post looks familiar–I seriously think you're confusing me with Patriot2Opine. It's an easy mistake–we're both industrious.

          3. kenlayisalive

            Industrious! Oh yes, real America has moved onto the internet troll economy. Old broken down factories now full of internet trolls trolling away.

            China is fucked.

          4. Patriot2Opine

            Now kenny, perhaps when you grow up and get educated, you may understand concepts like industrious, work, critical thought. Of course as long as you keep reading the tripe of the left you will remain less than… industrious.

          5. JMPEsq

            Now perhaps when you grow up and get to the second grade, you may understand concepts like conjunctions.

          6. Patriot2Opine

            It could be entirely possible that omissions are made with purpose to bait ignorant lords of self importance.

          7. Kevin Stowell

            I believe Leftards call those wetlands or maybe they're referring to their, well, never mind. ;o)

          8. Kevin Stowell

            I had conjunctivitis once. 'Tried to "dot" my own eye and got Regresso-fungus in it. Zat the same thing?

          9. Patriot2Opine

            Oh man, what did you use to clear it up? Pink eye is horrible and if left unchecked it can lead to marxomania.

          10. Kevin Stowell

            It definitely clouds your perspective on reality. Here's how I handled it, "If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell." Matt 5:29. Heh heh heh.

    3. Limeylizzie

      Oh, look it's that complete dick who was all "I have so much money and horses and stuff" well what you don't have ,you ridiculous person , is a vagina, so until you get one you have no right to say what I will do with the contents of my womb.

      1. Kevin Stowell

        You quoted something I didn't say–that makes you a disingenuous moron. A common tactic of Communist character assassination attempts is to fabricate someone else's position on a given topic and then to deride them as if that actually was a position they held. You know, insanity.

          1. JMPEsq

            No, that was him, but he's got you because those weren't the exact words he said, therefore your entire assertion must be wrong. He seems to like to play that game a lot.

    4. 4TheTurnstiles

      Hi Kevin's Towell,

      Tell us about God.

      I always wanted to hear a crazy-talking towel talk about God.

      1. Kevin Stowell

        Exercise a little intellectual vigor–read a Bible. I'm not really qualified to answer that as I'm not a practicing Christian. I realize you're accustomed to others telling you what you believe but quit being so lazy.

        1. 4TheTurnstiles

          Being willing to listen to others isn't laziness, it's a willingness to listen to others. That's part of how democracy works.

          For what it's worth, I've studied the Bible carefully, taken some time with the commentaries and big chunks of Christian culture (ask me about Paradise Lost if you're interested in such things). And no, you won't see me on a streetcorner ranting about my own holiness. I don't believe in these documents as articles of faith, but I do believe in learning about others in a respectful way. Again, democracy, pluralistic society, &c.

          But your rebuttal is presumptuous: I asked about God, not about Christianity per se. What's your position on theology?

          EDIT: when I said "crazy talking" I meant it, because you've been talking crazy here. What if you engaged in a conversation like a normal human being instead of trying to be right all the time?

          1. Kevin Stowell

            I realize my having told you that I'm essentially not a religious person has probably empowered you to believe that you can engage in an act of self-effacement based on religious rhetoric but that's not the case. Might I suggest Roger, Looking4Sanity, or someone who else. Like I said, I'm not qualified nor, for that matter, interested. 'Sorry to pull the plug on what you were just sure was an opportunity to bully but that's just how that is.

          2. Kevin Stowell

            "That's part of how democracy works."

            I'm sure you meant to say in place of "democracy," not that we are one, "dialogue." Basic premise is wrong, therefore you are wrong.

    5. BarackMyWorld

      Let me see if I got this straight…so now the government SHOULD get between a person and their doctor?

    6. JMPEsq

      Oh, and this idiot and his sockpuppets / fellow moron racists are still actively trolling, congratulating each other (and giving each other more p) in the old musical thread. Even though it's many days old.

      1. imissopus

        Holy Christ, they really are. Well I'm sure our overlords appreciate the page views.

        And now back to Kevin Stowell's Nightly Trolling & Fapping Because He Apparently Is Desperate For The Attention & Smug Self-Satisfaction Thread, already in progress.

        1. JMPEsq

          How many posts can one ass troll, before he is forever banned?
          The answer, my friend, is blowing in Ken's mind,
          The answer is blowin' in Ken's mind.

          1. kenlayisalive

            It does, I looked it up. There is a WordPress plug in. Honestly, I think it is the only way I'll ever extricate myself from last week's Troll Day – aside from just quitting my day job.

            Seriously, there is like five trolls a day on me now. If "Labyrinth" was some kind of intellectual gangbang porno, that'd be my life.

          2. GodHelpUsAll912

            " How many posts can one ass troll, before he is forever banned? "

            We Patriots ask ourselves the same question on you – sorros worshiping, anti American, communist lovers. Only ……it's that "Freedom" thing you hate so much that keeps you here.

          3. GreasyRabbit75

            Now you know freedom of speech is applicable only to liberals, just like that pesky Constitution.

          4. Kevin Stowell

            Good morning, GHUA. Isn't it funny how these geniuses define "freedom" essentially as licentiousness and the absolute abdication of personal responsibility? If living like a child is the avenue to happiness, why are these people so hateful, angry, etc.?

          5. JMPEsq

            Uh, so I guess you didn't see Kevin's original spewing, attacking basic freedom to bodily autonomy? He's just proven himself to be objectively anti-freedom.

      2. BaldarTFlagass

        So, these troll things, I have never encountered them here during my normal work/surf hours. I guess that, like Edgar Winter, they only come out at night, when I am home punishing the rum? And I guess that, like Edgar and his brother Johnny, they are really really white?

        1. GreasyRabbit75

          "I have never encountered them here during my normal work/surf hours."
          Well, now you have. Your industriousness knows no bounds.

          "they only come out at night, when I am home punishing the rum"
          Um,I think you meant to type "flogging the dolphin", "polishing the bishop", etc.

          "they are really really white"
          You say that like it's a bad thing. I am all for racial diversity and harmony, but I won't apologize for what I am. That's a lib thing.

          Too. Also.

          1. Kevin Stowell

            "polishing the bishop"

            That's hilarious–ROTFLMAO.

            'Hope Father Soros doesn't get wind of that.

          1. GodHelpUsAll912

            " They mostly com out at night. Mostly. "

            Why are you here then? It's daytime….the light must be killing your eyes eh?

          2. BaldarTFlagass

            Hey! Me too! I'm so good at my job I can fuck off here at Wonkette half the work day. And you're gonna love the fact that I work for the Department of Defense. Your tax dollars at play!!! AHAHAHAHAHA!!!

            Got any more cool masturbation metaphors, MENSA? You're a clever one!

          3. GreasyRabbit75

            I've gotta admit it's a little disheartening to know that, yes. On the other hand, it is nice to know that the DoD is allowing Moron-Americans to finally enter the workplace; everyone deserves a chance for gainful employment. Glad that affirmative action is still working for us. Shave off about 20 more IQ points and you will be eligible to be an 0bama advisor.

            As for the masturbation metaphors—yeah, I think I've got a couple more: beatin' the Baldar, flicking the Flagass, stroking the liberal……

            Too. Also.

          4. BaldarTFlagass

            I like it! Nice little thumbs-up circle-jerk you guys got going on here with each other on this otherwise dead thread. Better go get a rag to clean the spooge off your keyboards/monitors, high five and pat each other on the back, then head back to your right-wing sandbox and puff out your chest about how you came over here on a commando raid and wiped the floor with/pwned the libs. Then come on back and play in the newer threads, where you'll actually get some exposure instead of being limited to playing adolescent name-calling games here with the latecomer and giving each other thumbs-up. You're so special! We're lucky to have you here!

          5. GreasyRabbit75

            Did somebody get his widdle feewings hurt? So sad. This thread can't be too dead. You idiots are still posting on it too. Commando raid, my ass. Consider this an occupation, douchebag. And you are so funny to be whining about name-calling on this site; surely you have seen the numerous references to "teabaggers", "poopyhead", etc., not just on this site, but on the Big sites as well. Not so great when you get some names thrown back at you, huh? Grow up, junior. If you wanna whine about the "thumbs up circle-jerk", you need only look at the posts above and below the initial KS post here. You turds are no better, although I suppose you think making jokes about cancer survivors is classy. I would expect no better of you.

            BTW, I notice you didn't deny being a Moron-American. That's good. Be proud of your heritage.

            Too. Also.

          6. Kevin Stowell

            Ha ha ha. Pigs with rings in their noses telling us we need to go to newer threads to get some attention.

          7. Kevin Stowell


            That's the feminine-gender, slang form of, essentially, "dummy," south of the border. Why all the hate for short, brown-skinned people?

          8. Patriot2Opine

            I believe I just heard a rocket blaze overhead. sniff, sniff, that is wood burning in camp libo.

    7. Dashboard_Jesus

      Dear 'Kevin', as a medical doctor I can tell you that 60-80% of fertilized human embryos are never implanted in a woman's uterus (for various physiological reasons that I won't take the time to explain to a moron like you) and are therefore naturally 'aborted' by being washed out of a woman's body with the normal menstruation/ urination process, so the ONLY logical conclusion one can come to is that GAWD is the world's #1 ABORTIONIST! Looks like the 'Kevin' decided to go FULL RETARD on this one, yes? also :)

      1. Kevin Stowell

        As a moron, you would know enough about a woman's urinary function to know that urination won't abort anything unless a woman carries her children between her labia major or labia minora. Kinda pointless to have a vagina then, isn't it, "Doctor?"

        It seems logical to me to assume that you've never been laid given how unfamiliar you are with a woman's anatomy. Apparently it is the med-school Wankettes who don't "got science."

        There are all sorts of pictures/depictions of the "plumbing" on the net which might help you figure out what med school failed to teach you. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! What a rube!! Now, leave me alone–I have some rockets to launch. Ha ha ha ha ha!!!

        1. Dashboard_Jesus

          dearest KevStool, as a proven retard you wouldn't have the slightest understanding of the human physiology cuz if'n you did, you might begin to realize that your particular brand of mental retardation is most probably genetically based, therefore you ain't responsible for all the ignorant comments spewing forth from your cranial cavity, which appears to be quite devoid of functioning neural tissue (I'm sure it's hard for you to understand complex bodily functions when your cranium is embedded so deeply into your rectum, or in layman's terms, you're up to your eyeballs in your own feces!) …also :)

    8. GOPCrusher

      Wow. A Carly Fiorina setting up a "I got my ass kicked by Barbara Boxer because of an infection" excuse post, really drew in the mental midgets, and I missed it again?

    9. PalinPussyPower

      I went on a date with Kevin. Or a guy exactly like him. All dumb douches look the same to me. Anywhoozle he was grilling me during our first meeting about whether I had ever had an abortion. I hadn't. But I lied and told him that I had already had several, and to not be intimidated about having unprotected sex because I wasn't afraid of a little scrape scrape. Typical douchebat, he was more than willing to get down to business which I artfully avoided by faking a surprise yeast infection. Ah, Kevins of the world. You're so lame.

        1. PalinPussyPower

          It's ok sweets. Don't worry your chubby little head about it. I have spent a few moments on the types of sites you boys frequent, and I know it's difficult for you to keep up on sites like this one. The very fact that you feel like posting some anti-abortion screed in a post about the state of California election politics shows the extent of your abilities. I've met your women as well. They're…charming. Don't fret though. You may not be bright, you may not be successful at much of anything, you may not be attractive, or physically fit, or socially adept, but at least you entertain the rest of us. Thoroughly. And for that, we salute you!

        2. Patriot2Opine

          He, he, he, schizophrenia is rampant here. With handles like PPP, this one seems to have another type of envy. Oh, and the comment about entertainment. I guess they haven’t figured that out yet either.

          1. PalinPussyPower

            Adding "comma usage" to the list of "Things Right Wingers Haven't Mastered". Y'all are making this list extra super long! Go, you! Way to own it! I really admire how high you fellas set your sights. It's not enough to just be a little dumb, and quasi-literate. You take it all the way baby! If only we libtards could show that level of dedication to something other than academia and social justice. You really show us how it's done.

          2. Patriot2Opine

            Please school me. Bring me to my knees with that superior intellect. You seem to have the market cornered and being so progressive I figure you are willing to share. Do tell.

          3. PalinPussyPower

            Aww, sugartits, I'm sorry. Aside from snarking on you on a warblog, I'm really not all that interested in consorting with your type. It's not that I believe your stupidity and general ignorance are contagious or anything like that. It's just that the amusement factor of fucking with someone so inferior wears off quickly, and if your fifth grade teacher couldn't teach you proper punctuation usage, there's little chance that I'll do so in the few fleeting moments where you've captured my attention. But big kudos and a pat on the head to you for recognizing and acknowledging that as a whole, progressives do have a superior intellect to you! It's charming that you're almost self-aware. Also, too, such as.

          4. Patriot2Opine

            Oh shucks. I thought you would be a willing mind hump. You seem so feckless. Sorry I don't have time for you as I am off to have my knuckles shaved. It seems I have been hanging around here so much that I have started to drag them.

  11. SaintRond

    She's not in hospital for an infection. I know, because my girlfriend is at the same clinic being treated for delerium tremons. And she called me by cell to tell me she saw Fiorina eating her own feces out of the toilet and crying. Apparently, she's very upset. And angry too.

    Peace… God bless.

    1. GodHelpUsAll912

      " Spreadsheets shall save our economy! Spreadsheets and PowerPoint! "

      Well hallelujah…..we're saved! When does this start?

  12. DaveJ

    In any event, I eagerly look forward to Philip Seymour Hoffman's amazing portrayal of Meg Whitman in the eventual biopic.

    1. SayItWithWookies

      It better not begin like Before the Devil Knows You're Dead did — sex scenes are not obligatory in political movies.

  13. deelzebub

    Also,there is no racism in abortion. If people of one race have more abortions than people of another, that might have something to do with the income disparities that are a legacy of the racism on the Right.

    Fetus-phobia, really? Let's talk about what is scary about fetuses….ectopic pregnancies, preeclampsia, fistulas, gestational diabetes, post-partum depression, post-partum neurosis, labor-related strokes and heart attacks, the fact that childbirth is still one of the leading causes of death for women in the world…are we done, because I could go on longer.

    1. mumbly_joe

      As above.

      And that's not even discussing other medical conditions that pregnancy aggravates or renders virtually untreatable: I happen to work in a cancer hospital, in the department that specializes in women's cancer, and I can tell you: it's very, very possible to develop cancer while pregnant, and if you do, your options are still limited to a)invasive surgery, b) ionizing radiation, c) pumping poison either into your bloodstream or directly into your abdomen, or most likely, d) two or more of the above, in order to prevent recurrence in a year's time. Oh yeah, plus a whole bunch of CTs and/or PET scans. You can imagine how fetus-friendly those treatment options all are, yet dickweeds like Mr. Trollface here, thing that all women should be forced to gamble their own lives away along with a fetus's, by refusing treatment for 9 months.

      Fun fact: when a pregnant woman dies of cancer, her fetus usually dies, too. Also, any other children she might have are now motherless. But, of course, that shit's never part of the "family agenda" these people peddle.

  14. Kevin Stowell

    I "tossed" one about 17 years ago, myself–he was in his 89th trimester though. He was just as uncivilized as you. Same self-absorbed, it's-all-about-me attitude you have and, just like you, he was wrong.

    1. deelzebub

      Wow, the person thinking they have the right to control someone else's morality and health accusing me of being self-absorbed. What makes you think that every abortion is a selfish decision? I would tell you to ponder that, but I'm sure you are the typical sociopathic narcissist that all libertarians are and are therefore incapable of basic human empathy.

      1. Kevin Stowell

        Why do you think you have to attribute statements to me that I didn't make? Is that really the only hope you have for "rationalizing your contempt for people "not like you?"

    2. Dashboard_Jesus

      looks like *somebody* has the same 'I'm a stupid fucking white man who can never have a baby so shut the fuck up', self-absorbed, it's-all-about-the fetus, mentally retarded, brain dysfunction goin' on here…sweet holy jeebus you MUST be the most ignorant moron ever to grace the Wonkette! also :)

  15. Tommmcattt

    Brown is beating Whitman with a two-by-four in this race, and man, is it a beautiful thing. Talk about rope-a-dope.

    You can say what you like about ol' Moonbeam, but he is the consummate politician.

    1. Tommmcattt

      When is the "too soon" cutoff for lady-cancer jokes, anyway? Jeez, all these rules.

      I am oppressed by taste and basic human decency every day of my life.

      1. Limeylizzie

        I am of the firm belief that if you have suffered from something, alcoholism, cancer, abuse in any form, or ,in my case epilepsy (sexy), then you can make fun of it freely.

  16. notreelyhelping

    Great. California Democrats will figure this one's in the bag, stay home to smoke a bowl and watch the sun shine on the water, and Brown, Boxer, and dope will be doomed.

  17. philpjfry

    I would agree with your comment about Fiorina loosing because she is awful and deserves to, but since when has being awful guaranteed someone would loose? awww I made myself sad.

  18. mrblifil

    I liked California 30 years ago too…X, Jello Biafra, TSOL, the mature period of The Weirdos output, Black Flag with Dez, Ramones at the Hollywood Palladium, Bad Religion …I don't remember seeing Meg at any of those events but maybe she was going through a Bauhaus phase…

  19. axmxz

    Get better soon, Carly. Or else for the next six years, Boxer will have to listen to 'You only won because the other chick dropped out'.

    1. GOPCrusher

      Carly is just setting up for the Republiklan Nomination for president in 2012. She can say she is more Mavericky than Bible Spice, by claiming that she quit even before the election.

  20. transfatz

    So many cancer treatments result in or depend on immune suppression. Any infection, no matter how trivial to a normal immune system, can be deadly. I don't much like Carly. I want her to lose the election but my heart does go out to her on this matter. Good luck.

  21. Terry

    "the Republican lady who destroyed so many lives in California "

    Her HP layoffs went well beyond California. There are a slew of people in Detroit* and other cities whose jobs were sent to India directly because of her.

    * HP bought EDS from GM and laid off the American programmers and managers in a series of waves.

  22. mijowi

    What way is better:

    Being able to provide for ones self through their time, effort, and hard work


    Having the govt provide everything for them

    1. PalinPussyPower

      That's a trick question, right? I mean I've always worked and paid disproportionately into this country's system so right wing states could suck off the collective teet. But I'm more than happy to fulfill the right wing prophecy and cash in some food stamps for lobster and a bottle of Opus One. What lesson am I supposed to take away here? Elect Meg & Carly and all my dreams will come true?

      1. mijowi

        If you want a lesson then think about how much our govt interferes with our economy through taxes and regulation and the effects of those same taxes and regulations.

        I do not see the right wing states suck off of anything. Any system where the states contribute to one fund and then it is redistributed to other states because they have more people is wrong. How about this for a novel idea let each state take care of their own. How about the states getting the tax dollars to take care of the poor, education, retirement, medical, etc…. as the citizens of that state decided? We all have seen how well it is working out where the fed govt is control of social security, education, etc…. It is time to change how we are correcting these problems and throwing money at them is not going to correct them.

        The more people that are self dependent the better for all in our country. the old saying still rings true today:

        Give a person a fish and you will feed them for a day, but if you teach this person to fish you will feed them for life.

        1. imissopus

          I do not see the right wing states suck off of anything. Any system where the states contribute to one fund and then it is redistributed to other states because they have more people is wrong.

          That's not how it really works. If anything, states with a higher population are more likely to receive fewer dollars from the federal government because they have such a large tax base. For example, I live in California. For every dollar we send to the feds in taxes, we get back something like eighty-six cents' worth of services. Whereas a state like, say, Alaska, with a much smaller population, gets back something like $1.25 worth of services for every federal tax dollar they send to Washington. It's those higher-population "blue" states that are mostly supporting the poorer, low-population "red" ones. The irony is that it's the red ones that are mostly pushing the smaller government politicians in next week's election, screaming about the intrusive feds, and so on.

          It's fine with me if we do it your way, as long as no one complains later on when their states have to shut down a shit-ton of services because they are not getting those sweet, sweet handouts of my federal tax dollars. And they will start screaming. States are constitutionally required to balance their budgets, which is why they so often turn to the federal for financial handouts. So when the poorer states can't find the money to pay senior citizens their social security (forcing them onto the streets or into charity homes) or poor people their Medicaid (forcing local hospitals to push the costs of caring for the poor onto the people who can afford it) I hope you will not come crying to me, but will instead tell those lazy seniors to go find jobs at McDonalds or something.

          I'm dead serious about this, by the way. I'm tired of being called some sort of bleeding-heart retarded liberal simply because I don't object to helping people who, by necessity or choice, live in tax-negative states. Hell, I'll vote for Carly next week IF the folks who are always screaming about the intrusive federal government promise me upon pain of slow and agonizing death by starvation that no matter how bad things get for those in the red states, they will not come whining to me when that federal spigot has been turned off and they realize how much help that whole socialist redistribution-of-taxes scheme actually has been for them.

        2. Kevin Stowell

          Good morning, Mijowi, I hope you're not here, risking being tainted because of anything I've done.

          1. mijowi

            Well hello there Kevin, I saw some talking about this site and decided to explore. I just love the warm recption from the natives, it making me feel all warm and fuzzy. Don't worry about me being tainted, it will take alot more then what they can throw to taint me.

          2. Kevin Stowell

            I apologize for not recognizing you innate capacity for self-determination and personal responsibility–it's not hard to forget those things genuinely exist in others if you spend enough time here. Warm fuzzies–heh heh. ;o)

          3. Dashboard_Jesus

            'warm reception' indeed, sorta like the feelin' you get when pissin' down yer own leg, eh? (or in KevStool's ear?) What, you 'tards don't get enough lovin' over at RedState so ya gotta troll on over to fling feces all over yerselves like rhesus monkeys?

      2. Kevin Stowell

        Teat. "But" is a conjunction. The superior English skills, you were bragging on earlier, are breaking down.

          1. Kevin Stowell

            Wrong about "but." If you're right, and you're not, what is it conjoining at the beginning of a sentence? Got grammar? Clue? Logic? My work here is done. You may go in peace to love and service yourself, Onan.

          2. CapnFatback

            It does seem odd that someone who frequently includes hyperlinks in his posts would opt not to visit links offered to him for evidence.

            Also odd, as Mr. Stowell presents himself as one with intellectual curiosity, is that he would opt not to do more independent research on the subject, which would turn up copious web sites (not to mention grammar handbooks) to support the use of coordinating conjunctions at the beginning of the sentence.

            Continuing in an odd vein is his failure to recognize how many–if not all–celebrated writers have used coordinating conjunctions to begin sentences. Virginia Woolf, for example, was quite fond of doing so. And the very first essays I found from the following couple of hacks contain sentences that begin with coordinating conjunctions.

            George Will

            And the Puritans would not have been amused if they had known that in 2010 most of Connecticut's residents would be descended from Catholic immigrants.

            Dinesh D'Souza

            So here is a concrete way in which liberal foreign policy handed radical Islam control of its first major state.

            Odd, yes, to be so sagacious yet to deny the linguistic truth that language is organic, fluid, and dynamic and that usage patterns change. Odd not to realize that grammar rules describe–not prescribe–usage. Odd to assign such power to a period that it somehow manages block a logical and syntactic connection. Odd to forget about "coordinating adjectives" like "therefore" and "however" that are most often found at sentence beginnings. Or, oddest still, that the actual author of this "sentence":

            So, you see, for you to hate me because I'm rich.

            would deny that one can start sentences with coordinating conjunctions and be grammatically kosher.

            I'm giving him credit and am assuming that he's simply being a contrarian, as the other option, that he has the mental countenance of a petulant child, given his professed age, is just too sad to contemplate.

          3. imissopus

            One could argue that contrarianism and the "mental countenance of a petulant child" are not mutually exclusive states of being. You phrase it in a classy fashion, though. I would have just gone with "ginormous poopyhead."

            Shall we meet back here sometime tomorrow to examine the mocking bon mots that I'm sure our trollish visitor will have shit out all over the Wonkettes?

    2. natoslug

      I call bullshit. Why does it have to be one extreme or the other? Are you incapable of nuance? And what exactly does this have to do with Meg Whitman, Carly Fiorina, cancer or buttsecks?

    1. JMPEsq

      Huh, I didn't realize this was Wikipedia. Anyway, I'm surprised you haven't heard about it but for many, many decades many priests have been raping children and the Church has been covering it up and enabling it.

      1. Kevin Stowell

        I didn't realize you were referring to child abuse–you were pretty incoherent in the two or three posts prior to this.

        If you are a fair- and open-minded person you will be equally as concerned about the child molestation in the government schools rather than single out Catholic schools to justify your anti-Catholic hate:

        You may now, go in peace to love and serve your lord, government.

  23. imissopus

    That might be the most honest post I've ever seen any right-leaning person leave here on Wonkette, and I thank you for it. But I don't have faith that very many people would feel as you do.

    I also think your point on moving from state to state is not that simple. What about someone who wants to retire to another state from the one where he or she spent an entire working career? Arizona and Florida have a disproportionate number of retirees, should those two states be responsible for caring for all those seniors at the expense of the needs of younger generations? What about someone whose company transfers them from one state to another? Or who can't leave a state even if they want to because they can't find another job elsewhere? Or who have family nearby and don't want to move farther away? There are a million reasons why people stay in one place.

    As to your statement about the federal government forcing you to help others without any say-so on who it is helping: your vote is your say-so. But no matter what, you throw your taxes into the kitty and trust that the elected officials will figure out what to do with it. If the majority of those elected have different priorities than you or the guy you voted for, that is not immoral…it's just life. The problem is that people in this country like to call it a lot of other things that it is not (fascism, communism, socialism, etc.) That's intellectually dishonest, and it's that dishonesty that probably motivates 90% of the left-leaning venting you'll find us libs doing on this site. It's probably the same thing only leaning to the right on sites like Breitbart's.

    1. mijowi

      You are right it would not be simple but it is doable. If a person worked in one state all their life or in multiple states for that matter what they have paid for to the state for entitlements should still be their regardless of where they decide to life out the glory years of their life.

      If some one moves from one state to another willingly or due to a company transfer they would have to abide by the state they are now living in.

      Yes there are a million reasons why people are willing to stay in place, but that is their free choice. If they do not like what is happening in their state they are free to move or work to change what is happening in their stay.

      I disagree about my vote being my say so on how my taxes are spent, my vote is for what direction or country as a whole is to be heading in. Some times it is heading in what I think is the right direction and some times it is not.

      Trusting elected officials in our federal govt to appropriate our tax money is some thing I disagree with. How does a person that is living DC understand the problems that are being faced by the people in PA? How does the representatives from PA understand what the problems are in CA? This very thing is why I think the states should govern the people living with in their state lines and the Federal govt should deal with the issues that are of foreign and defense in nature.

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