BARACK OBAMA'S ONLY FRIEND  2:47 pm October 26, 2010

Robert Gibbs Is a Sad Tomato

by Ken Layne

Billions in taxpayer dollars wasted on phone sex.Guess who’s tired and depressed? White House press secretary Robert Gibbs! But is it completely his fault that the Democrats may lose their congressional majority next week? Maybe! After all, he kind of looks like a gas station attendant, which is a job that does not exist, and also a hired assassin. This is according to Robert Draper, the journalist, who wrote this about Gibbs: “The smile, affable and empty, could be that of a small-town gas-station attendant or a hired assassin.” But are Gibbs and Obama gay with each other?

The pair’s bond, rooted in Realpolitik and swaddled in masculine affect — “Oh, my God, on the guy level it’s unbelievable, I mean it’s real guy stuff,” says one female associate — is especially manifest inside the White House, where Gibbs’s portfolio extends far beyond the Brady briefing room.

This is a very gay-sounding accusation! Or, you know, everybody speaks and writes in a very vague, stupid way now.

What else is shared by Gibbs and Obama? A deep hatred of the Washington press corps. “Apparently Gibbs can’t stand the press,” writes Draper. Obama also hates the press, especially “cable chatter.” Are they going to kill all the press? (They should!) [GQ]

 
Related video

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 42 comments }

anniegetyourfun October 26, 2010 at 2:51 pm

where Gibbs’s portfolio extends far beyond the Brady briefing room.

If you know what he means.

Limeylizzie October 26, 2010 at 2:51 pm

Any man whose portfolio extends far beyond the Brady briefing room is the man for me.

LionelHutzEsq October 26, 2010 at 3:15 pm

It might not be Obama, but he is making someone very happy with such a big portfolio.

RunnyRose October 26, 2010 at 3:39 pm

Sure, but can it reach the Dick Nixon de-briefing room?

Lucidamente1 October 26, 2010 at 2:53 pm

We still got gas station attendants here in New Jersey, and as for hired assassins, well . . .

vulpes82 October 26, 2010 at 3:04 pm

And Oregon, I believe.

Lucidamente1 October 26, 2010 at 3:08 pm

Gas station attendants, or hired assassins?

vulpes82 October 26, 2010 at 3:14 pm

Both.

horsedreamer_1 October 26, 2010 at 3:26 pm

The meth-lab's not going to protect itself.

Buzz Feedback October 26, 2010 at 2:55 pm

Circle Jerk in the Oval Office. Perfect.

el_donaldo October 26, 2010 at 2:55 pm

Gibbs does not look like a small town gas station attendant at all. I live in a small town in a state that requires full service gas and our attendants are exactly the same South Asian or Russian dudes, high school students, and construction workers on disability that everyone else gets.

Gibbs looks like a Subway manager.

anniegetyourfun October 26, 2010 at 3:02 pm

Ours are meth heads!

kenlayisalive October 27, 2010 at 2:20 am

Hahaa…as a sub shop veteran of many years, I endorse this remark.

Come here a minute October 26, 2010 at 2:57 pm

Robert Gibbs is also a very stupid man. Only idiocy could cause a man who hates the press to work in a job where he is required to take their messages, get them coffee, and be sexually harassed by them.

kenlayisalive October 27, 2010 at 2:21 am

You'd think the pool parties at Biden's pad would make everyone get along, but when everyone's making fun of fat guy in a speedo – well, things just get worse.

DoktorZoom October 26, 2010 at 2:57 pm

Is that your portfolio or are you just happy to see me?

ttommyunger October 26, 2010 at 2:58 pm

OMG! Wait 'till the House goes Republican!!!! Senior Felon-in-Residence Darryl Issa will soon initiate impeachment proceedings against Barry for having gay sex with Gibbs and you know he'll lie about it under oath-so, he's got that going for him, too. Wonder if Chief Chinless Pussyfart Kenneth Starr is available? Too exciting!

V572625694 October 26, 2010 at 3:23 pm

Where'd you find out about Darryl and his arson? No one was supposed to speak of that again!

ttommyunger October 27, 2010 at 11:58 pm

I wasn't referring to the Arson, It was the buttsex thing with the kiddies, dontcha-know!

Lucidamente1 October 26, 2010 at 2:59 pm

Coming to a multiplex near you soon, "Bobby and Barry," the ultimate bromance.

hockeymom October 26, 2010 at 3:01 pm

But is Gibbs the type of assassin who would STEP ON YOUR HEAD before doing the assassinating?
Cause that's what a real man would do.

SayItWithWookies October 26, 2010 at 3:04 pm

What's wrong with hating the press? Everyone at FOX News thinks the media is a gang of horrible narcissistic racists.

vulpes82 October 26, 2010 at 3:05 pm

Hate the Washington press?!? Who could do such a thing? They're so noble and amiable and not at all a pack of petty children with the collective IQ of a newt.

freakishlywrong October 26, 2010 at 3:06 pm

Robert Gibbs Is a Sad Tomato

Uhhh..Boofuckinghoo?

magic_titty October 26, 2010 at 3:07 pm

“Oh, my God, on the guy level it’s unbelievable, I mean it’s real guy stuff,” says one female associate.

He gays up his administration but still sticks with the heteronormative female associates? Way to play both sides of the fence, Barry.

Progressiveinga October 26, 2010 at 3:46 pm

And have you see FLOTUS's arms?

freakishlywrong October 26, 2010 at 3:08 pm

And please define this thing they are calling " the press".

weejee October 26, 2010 at 3:08 pm

Can Gibbs the assassin please shoot Richard Cohen the douche? Since Gibbs is a libtard, he likely won't be sensible and use a .45 loaded with wad cutters, but how about a Spud Gun filled with Bo droppings? Poo, poo, pee doo Dickie doo.

BaldarTFlagass October 26, 2010 at 3:28 pm

Dude is such a badass assassin, he can kill a dude with a Dairy Queen spoon and a band aid and make it look like he choked on a walnut.

BarryOPotter October 26, 2010 at 4:49 pm

Dude is such a badass assassin, he can kill a dude with a Dairy Queen spoon and a band aid and make it look like he choked on a walnut.

You, sir, are fantastic with the description-thingy! I'm totes biting that line for work purposes… For the FEMA Death Camp Counselor Training Manual I'm putting together. Shit, I said too mu…

bumfug October 26, 2010 at 3:08 pm

It's "Brokeback Briefing Room," the tender story of the bond between two men, swaddled in masculine affect.

slappypaddy October 26, 2010 at 3:09 pm

(i wrote something here but it wasn't very good, so i deleted it. but please allow me to say this: any competent national government will have room for gas-pump jockeys, hired assassins, guy things, and female associates.)

Sepatown! October 26, 2010 at 3:09 pm

I've always thought of him as less sad tomato and more sour turnip, or jivey sugarbeet.

He just looks like someone who spends a lot of energy on discussing his highest Donkey Kong score. Stratergery.

ColHeightsChic October 26, 2010 at 3:13 pm

I miss Rahm.

Now Rahm and Barry gaying it up…. that's an image I could use to put O'Donnel's anti-masturbation campaign to shame.

johnnyzhivago October 26, 2010 at 3:30 pm

New Jersey does have Gas Station Attendants, since it is illegal to pump your own gas here. However, to get the job, you have to belong to Al Queda.

HOFAH October 26, 2010 at 3:52 pm

Eh, let's not be too hard on Gibbsy. He has to spend his days answering questions from the brain trust of Chip Reid, Jake Tapper, Ed Henry and Chuck Toad.

Oddly enough, former FOX WH correspondant Major Garret was probably the best reporter in the that room.

And that's saying something.

LionelHutzEsq October 26, 2010 at 4:00 pm

It is at times like this that I wish Democrats had a Tony Snow of Dana Perino who can just stand up there and lie like.., well, a Republican or Fox News Host.

kenlayisalive October 27, 2010 at 2:31 am

Sad thing is, they hardly have anything to lie about.

I mean, unless they take credit for the candidacy of Xtine, I'm really going to think they are the most guileless bunch that has ever inhabited the White House.

I mean, at least sell some arms to Venezuela via Iran or something, you goody-two-shoes motherfuckers. Christ.

BornInATrailer October 26, 2010 at 4:49 pm

Because of the title, I've had "Crush with Eyeliner" stuck in a loop inside my brain for about 2 hours now.

DemonicRage October 26, 2010 at 5:03 pm

We only have–what?–a handful of days before the Obama administration crashes and burns due to voter revulsion and already, what is going on? Some candidate tells the President to take something and shove it. Now this….insinuations that he and his press secretary are playing hide the portfolio. So discouraging!

Jukesgrrl October 26, 2010 at 7:29 pm

I wonder if they can hear Pierre Salinger laughing at them all the way from Arlington Cemetery.

Negropolis October 27, 2010 at 12:33 am

Chip and Jake Tapper are THE WORST of the bunch. They make you want to kick them in the teeth, Aqua Buddha-style.

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: