barack obama's only friend

Robert Gibbs Is a Sad Tomato

Billions in taxpayer dollars wasted on phone sex.Guess who’s tired and depressed? White House press secretary Robert Gibbs! But is it completely his fault that the Democrats may lose their congressional majority next week? Maybe! After all, he kind of looks like a gas station attendant, which is a job that does not exist, and also a hired assassin. This is according to Robert Draper, the journalist, who wrote this about Gibbs: “The smile, affable and empty, could be that of a small-town gas-station attendant or a hired assassin.” But are Gibbs and Obama gay with each other?

The pair’s bond, rooted in Realpolitik and swaddled in masculine affect — “Oh, my God, on the guy level it’s unbelievable, I mean it’s real guy stuff,” says one female associate — is especially manifest inside the White House, where Gibbs’s portfolio extends far beyond the Brady briefing room.

This is a very gay-sounding accusation! Or, you know, everybody speaks and writes in a very vague, stupid way now.

What else is shared by Gibbs and Obama? A deep hatred of the Washington press corps. “Apparently Gibbs can’t stand the press,” writes Draper. Obama also hates the press, especially “cable chatter.” Are they going to kill all the press? (They should!) [GQ]

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About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne

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42 comments

  1. anniegetyourfun

    where Gibbs’s portfolio extends far beyond the Brady briefing room.

    If you know what he means.

  2. Lucidamente1

    We still got gas station attendants here in New Jersey, and as for hired assassins, well . . .

  3. el_donaldo

    Gibbs does not look like a small town gas station attendant at all. I live in a small town in a state that requires full service gas and our attendants are exactly the same South Asian or Russian dudes, high school students, and construction workers on disability that everyone else gets.

    Gibbs looks like a Subway manager.

  4. Come here a minute

    Robert Gibbs is also a very stupid man. Only idiocy could cause a man who hates the press to work in a job where he is required to take their messages, get them coffee, and be sexually harassed by them.

    1. kenlayisalive

      You'd think the pool parties at Biden's pad would make everyone get along, but when everyone's making fun of fat guy in a speedo – well, things just get worse.

  5. ttommyunger

    OMG! Wait 'till the House goes Republican!!!! Senior Felon-in-Residence Darryl Issa will soon initiate impeachment proceedings against Barry for having gay sex with Gibbs and you know he'll lie about it under oath-so, he's got that going for him, too. Wonder if Chief Chinless Pussyfart Kenneth Starr is available? Too exciting!

  6. hockeymom

    But is Gibbs the type of assassin who would STEP ON YOUR HEAD before doing the assassinating?
    Cause that's what a real man would do.

  7. SayItWithWookies

    What's wrong with hating the press? Everyone at FOX News thinks the media is a gang of horrible narcissistic racists.

  8. vulpes82

    Hate the Washington press?!? Who could do such a thing? They're so noble and amiable and not at all a pack of petty children with the collective IQ of a newt.

  9. magic_titty

    “Oh, my God, on the guy level it’s unbelievable, I mean it’s real guy stuff,” says one female associate.

    He gays up his administration but still sticks with the heteronormative female associates? Way to play both sides of the fence, Barry.

  10. weejee

    Can Gibbs the assassin please shoot Richard Cohen the douche? Since Gibbs is a libtard, he likely won't be sensible and use a .45 loaded with wad cutters, but how about a Spud Gun filled with Bo droppings? Poo, poo, pee doo Dickie doo.

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      Dude is such a badass assassin, he can kill a dude with a Dairy Queen spoon and a band aid and make it look like he choked on a walnut.

      1. BarryOPotter

        Dude is such a badass assassin, he can kill a dude with a Dairy Queen spoon and a band aid and make it look like he choked on a walnut.

        You, sir, are fantastic with the description-thingy! I'm totes biting that line for work purposes… For the FEMA Death Camp Counselor Training Manual I'm putting together. Shit, I said too mu…

  11. bumfug

    It's "Brokeback Briefing Room," the tender story of the bond between two men, swaddled in masculine affect.

  12. slappypaddy

    (i wrote something here but it wasn't very good, so i deleted it. but please allow me to say this: any competent national government will have room for gas-pump jockeys, hired assassins, guy things, and female associates.)

  13. Sepatown!

    I've always thought of him as less sad tomato and more sour turnip, or jivey sugarbeet.

    He just looks like someone who spends a lot of energy on discussing his highest Donkey Kong score. Stratergery.

  14. ColHeightsChic

    I miss Rahm.

    Now Rahm and Barry gaying it up…. that's an image I could use to put O'Donnel's anti-masturbation campaign to shame.

  15. HOFAH

    Eh, let's not be too hard on Gibbsy. He has to spend his days answering questions from the brain trust of Chip Reid, Jake Tapper, Ed Henry and Chuck Toad.

    Oddly enough, former FOX WH correspondant Major Garret was probably the best reporter in the that room.

    And that's saying something.

  16. LionelHutzEsq

    It is at times like this that I wish Democrats had a Tony Snow of Dana Perino who can just stand up there and lie like.., well, a Republican or Fox News Host.

    1. kenlayisalive

      Sad thing is, they hardly have anything to lie about.

      I mean, unless they take credit for the candidacy of Xtine, I'm really going to think they are the most guileless bunch that has ever inhabited the White House.

      I mean, at least sell some arms to Venezuela via Iran or something, you goody-two-shoes motherfuckers. Christ.

  17. BornInATrailer

    Because of the title, I've had "Crush with Eyeliner" stuck in a loop inside my brain for about 2 hours now.

  18. DemonicRage

    We only have–what?–a handful of days before the Obama administration crashes and burns due to voter revulsion and already, what is going on? Some candidate tells the President to take something and shove it. Now this….insinuations that he and his press secretary are playing hide the portfolio. So discouraging!

  19. Negropolis

    Chip and Jake Tapper are THE WORST of the bunch. They make you want to kick them in the teeth, Aqua Buddha-style.

Comments are closed.