Guess who is going to trial (finally)? Yes, renowned Texas cumsicle Tom DeLay! Anyway, he’s white and the trial is in Texas so obviously he will be acquitted or maybe he’ll get off with thirty hours of community service:
Jury selection is scheduled to begin Tuesday in the trial of former House Majority Leader Tom DeLay, who is charged with illegally funneling corporate money to help elect GOP candidates to the Texas legislature.
The Republican was indicted in 2005 on charges he illegally sent $190,000 in corporate money through the Republican National Committee to help elect GOP Texas legislative candidates in 2002.
DeLay, who resigned in 2006, has pleaded not guilty to money laundering and conspiracy. He has said the trial will clear him.
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His prison nickname will be "Cheryl Burke."
Or Bristle.
Or The Nail. Especially when he's getting ass-hammered.
I thought he was "The Exterminator".
AKA Rusty Shackleford.
The jurors in Texas are going to say, funneling corporate money to help Republicans? What's wrong with that? Put him on the Supreme Court!
That does seem to be the main qualification these days.
Since the trial's in Texas maybe he'll get the death penalty. Oh wait, he's white.
Now, Texas executes white people too; if they're poor. Which DeLay isn't, so hm.
What if he bankrupts himself with legal expenditures. Time for some frivolous lawsuits!
You forgot mental illness or retardation. Texas executes whites if they're poor or if they're mentally ill or have severe cognitive or intellectual deficits.
So he's still got a shot.
If we could just lure him into a tanning booth for a while.
Death by bug spray would be appropriate.
If there is a god in heaven, the former majority leader will soon have an ass full of penis.
Yeah, but there isn't, so he'll walk. Laughing.
(my thumb up is pointing at balloons btw)
"will still have"
There, fixed.
Make him put on a pair of size 3 1/2 dancing pumps and prance around a parquet dance floor while the nation watches in horror. No wait, that would be punishment for the nation. My bad.
Didn't he already do that, last year?
Mmmm….Texas cumsicles….the perfect dessert for a meal of Frito pie! (no, really, I love Frito pie).
Meh. Even if he's convicted, the Roberts court will overturn it. The No. 1 concern of the Founders when they wrote the First Amendment was protecting the right to secretly funnel corporate money into political campaigns.
Here's hoping the Hammer gets nailed.
He's innocent! Like Oliver North!
I'm too lazy to look into the boring details, but isn't what DeLay is accused of now perfectly legal after Citizens United?
I think that's his defense.
Ex post facto acquittal. I like it!
(But only for Republicans. If you're a black kid in California doing time for reefer, your ass stays in the can even after they legalize it)
Thumbs up. Repeat.
I've heard that an incompetent lawyer can cause the administration of justice to be set back for months — and that a good one can set it back for years. Delay must have a team of freakin' brain surgeons working for him to have escaped serious jail time so far.
Well done, Sir or Madam, well done.
So Texas has a law against using corporate money in elections. Dang! After the Citizens United ruling, that makes Texas — Texas, for God's sake — look quaint.
Democrats ran Texas for many, many years before Repugs came into power. There are a few good laws left that they haven't gutted or legislated out of existence.
Whether Delay gets convicted probably depends upon if the trial is held in Austin or if he gets a jury of his peers.
Don't forget Tucker!
If he is convicted, it will be because it is a Republican jury who think that he shamed the party by only sending $190K. That is embarassing.
Isn't having to live in Texas punishment enough?
It's a nice place to live but I wouldn't want to visit.
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