- The United States is experiencing a corruption renaissance, according to the Global Corruption Index! We are now ranked at 19th, which is the lowest score awarded to the United States in the index’s 15-year history. Apparently “lending practices in the subprime crisis, the disclosure of Bernard Madoff’s Ponzi scheme and rows over political funding had all rattled public faith about prevailing ethics in America.” And they said we couldn’t do it! (Well fuck them, whoever they are.) Are you blowing as hard as you can on your Vuvuzela as you read this? If not, why not? It’s party time, people. Responsible/lame people might say, “Party time? But we are all sad and worried.” That didn’t stop the rich people on the Titanic from drinking champagne and using poor people as lifeboats. Just sayin’. [Reuters]
- Saddam Hussein’s foreign minister, Tariq Aziz, has been sentenced to death by hanging. Stay tuned for the cellphone camera video. [NYT]
- Meanwhile, shadowy organizations have funneled a cool $257.7 million into this election cycle, which is a World Record. And also a lot of money is being donated to Arizona’s Mexican Law. Ha ha, we are doomed. [McClatchy]
{ 117 comments }
Watch out, Nigeria. We're coming after you.
"Hello, I am American businessman and have access to large account in Bank of Lagos. I need someone trustworthy who can help me…"
American businessmen are soliciting them for wire transfers?
That's a good idea. We'll let Nigeria come first.
Today, we are all doofy-looking bald CGI characters getting facials from our overlords of corruption.
I do love Lazytown.
I do too. But is Sporticus coming to save us from Robbie Rotten. No, he isn't. He and Obama are just sailing around in that blimp, pumping iron and doing calisthenics while the rest of us have to bribe our public officials just to get the right to buy hobo beans we can't afford.
Chris Hansen wants you to have a seat.
Is it going to end when her breasts start showing, or are they going to get another girl for Sporticus to jump around?
OK, off topic, but I had that dream again last night:
The one where I'm spanking Sarah Palin with a banana peel and Trig is circling us in a little cowboy outfit, riding a miniature white show pony yelling "Bad mommy, bad mommy, spank her, mister, spank her harder!"
Anyone hazzard a guess as to what it means?
To quote Freud "sometimes a banana peel spanking is just a banana peel spanking."
But the show pony? that's seriously fucked up.
Sometimes a white show pony is just a white show pony.
A banana peel? Really? I would have used a crowbar.
I think it mostly means that you need to get out more. In this economy there are plenty of people much more attractive than the SnoBilly who will let you spank them with a banana peel if you let them keep it afterward.
It means you secretly want to be a GOPer corprat donor. From what I understand, that's the Palin 4 diamond option.
So weird. I had a dream last night that I was Trig, but for some reason I was dressed as a cowboy and shouting, "Bad mommy, spank her harder!"
It means you male Wonketters have really really bad taste in women.
am I the only straight dude among the Wonkeratchik that would prefer NOT to fuck, not even hate-fuck, Christine O'Donnell or Sarah Palin or Michele Bachmann or Virginia Foxx? I got enough problems, I don't need another night of "Oh Daddy I'm Through"
Not to mention that none of them are attractive; hell O'Donnell's the only one who looks even moderately good.
Moderately good? If only O'Donnell had been brought up a bit differently, I wouldn't feel out-of-place taking her to an Animal Collective show… & showing her my Merriweather Post Pavilion.
I never got the Snowbilly's supposed attractiveness – and the moment she spoke my lizard brain basically ran for cover. C O'D does nothing for me, and I'm convinced Ginny Foxx is actually a drag artist. Michele scares the shit out of me.
Then again, I have always liked smart, powerful women with big racks. So Nancy Pelosi would be my dream date, I guess.
am I the only straight dude among the Wonkeratchik that would prefer NOT to fuck, not even hate-fuck, Christine O'Donnell or Sarah Palin or Michele Bachmann or Virginia Foxx?
Nope. And I agree with having enough problems without inviting "teh crazy".
My sexual fantasies are pretty tame and tend to be restricted to my own species. These creatures are not recognizably part of that species.
Whoa, paintin' with a pretty broad brush there, Terry!
In Sir Ralph's defense, a flaccid, fruit-meatless banana peel is not exactly a raging roger-hammer.
Among other things it means, apparently, there is a cure for Down's Syndrome.
It means you want to fuck Sarah Palin. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
Yes there is.
Only if you're using your own penis.
I thought I had a dream where Bristol was dancing around in a gorilla suit but the next day I realized that I was just watching Dancing With The Stars while waiting for the vodka and Ambien to kick in.
I believe that means you are Todd Palin.
I think it means you should never fall asleep while watching Fox News after consuming gin, Percocet and Indian food.
It means that Palin is the face of corruption in this country.
Wow! What are your nightmares like?
You know this is all Obama's fault.
"..rows over political funding…"
Obvious bullshit — we don't have "rows" in the USA, and our corruption is #1! [Waving foam finger.]
"our corruption is #1! [Waving foam finger.] "
Same as our healthcare!! Best in the fucking galaxy!
Until you have a serious illness!11!!
Just say no!
What? No news of Paultards reenacting American History X? Wonkette, I am disappoint.
Wonkette, I am homosex.
this deserves a separate, sexy post. duh.
I figured that was what was going to happen, yet did not want to jinx it by stating it.
I like how they still managed to make a false equivalence about someone stepping on a person's foot as being "just like" kicking the back of someone's head in.
Lauren Valle. Sounds Mexican to me. Ergo, undocumented. The Paul supporter was just assuming the responsibility our goverment will not, & enforcing our immigration laws, then.
Go back to Mexico, Lauren.
And everybody thought that W. was stupid!
It looks to me like his plan to turn the USA into a third world country with a uber-powerful military succeeded beyond even his wildest frat-boy dreams. All that's left is the inevitable military takeover and the installation of the ruling junta to bring his vile plans to completion.
Imbecile broke everything he ever touched. Including us.
Now freakishly, can you point on the doll to where…
Well, joe, turn the doll over. See, right there..in the ass, where it looks like an orangutan's ass from being fucked up it for eight years. With no dinner, no movie.
And no lube. Which might not have been a problem if he had used his tiny penis instead of a goddam M1-Abrams main gun turret.
The military is already controlling things behind the scenes. O. is taking orders. Worse is yet to come: the Born-agains in the Pentecostalgon will replace the relatively rational Petraeuses.
You know what stops corruption? Lower taxes, less government, and Constitution-ness.
If we just eliminated regulations, the invisible hand of the free market would prevent all corporate corruption!
Yes!
It's utterly unfathomable that the idea of unfettered markets governing themselves has not been completely debunked by now. If a worldwide economic collapse won't do it, what will?
Funny, when I posted my original comment, I went to -1 almost immediately. I guess some people's snark-dar was switched off.
Now, that's not really true; it's been TWO worldwide economic collapses, there's also 1929.
As for the P, it may be that the Brietbarter's snark-dar is on and they're still voting us down. Or their invasions made someone think you were one of them, as they really are so stupid it makes it hard to tell sarcasm from the real thing.
Hell, bank runs and panics were a way of life in the US once Andy Jackson got his wish and shut down the US Bank. Still, since even TR basically funded his campaigns by calling JP Morgan and a few of his friends, and on the other side machines like Tammeny controlled every city service, no one with power really saw a need to regulate anything.
Riley, are those GCI partiers using primitive splurge gunz?
They're not CGI.
So, they're gonna hang the husband of a Real Houswife of DC?
Can you make it so they hang that skanky wife too?
Thanks!!!11!!!
Apparently that muppet is enjoying his repeated facialization.
The Libertarian paradise Somalia better enjoy being tops on the list while it can, cuz we're not stopping! Palin/ Paul 12:Teapocalypse.
OT, CNN is reporting that Clarence Pubey Thomas' former squeeze says he was a binge drinker and pornoholic. Oh noze, can it be so???
Brilliant job, Ginny Thomas!!! Ah the hazards of opening old pube covered coke cans.
It's not like we didn't see this coming…
Was?
Apparently, he's given up the drinking and become really really mean and vindictive.
Indeed. He's become a true repubican.
Someone put together an anthology of reminiscences by all his ex-girlfriends, while you can!
Hell of a money shot, too much Thorazine though.
How many members of Saddams regime are still in the pantry awaiting their moment? Must be a shelf life on this sort of thing, no?
Money shot paid for with under-the-table bribes?
S.H. did not write the kiss-and-tell memoir I hoped for. Maybe Tarik el-Aziz will?
Hilariously, it took LITERALLY three comments before some teabagger attempted to blame Madoff, the Economc Crisis, and Citizens United on Obama and the 111th Congress. Because, yes, that's precisely how cause and effect work: several bad things start happening, and then Democrats are elected, so therefore Democrats caused the bad thing.
I don't ask much from teabaggers- knowledge of basic civics, biology, history, economics, comparative religion, spelling… that stuff is all really a lost cause. But is it really too much to ask that teabaggers perceive time as a linear series of causally related events? But nooo, instead, it's all, "Roosevelt caused the depression", "Obama caused the depression, part II", "Bush kept us safe from terrorists, the whole time", "We are fighting the Soviets in Afghanistan, right now", "Iraq clearly has WMDs because it's the early 90's", and "Democrats are the real racists, because it's actually the 1880's, secretly also" and "What 14th/15th/16th Amendment?"
Fucking TIME. How does it work?!
I didn't follow that. Could you sketch it out on Glenn Beck's chalk board of truth? Facts always seem to come together when you use it.
It's easier to understand if you know that the teatards ancestors had no intimation of cause and effect and confused temporal relationships with spacial ones.:
"Peggy Sue got in a fambily way behind Paw takin' her inna woodshed"
Obviously the teabaggers are all believers in the transactional interpretation of quantum mechanics ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transactional_interp... / http://articles.sfgate.com/2007-01-21/opinion/172... ), according to which the future effects the present as much as the past does.
Maybe it's been Quentin Tarantino behind the Tea Party, all along.
Well, that definitely explains the head-stomping, if nothing else.
Stop using WORDs, man. Pics or GTFO, muslin.
There's nothing wrong with their sense of time. Their clocks are right twice a day.
That muppet facial is just asking to be made into a blingee.
I'm sure they would raise our corruption score if we just slip them something under the table.
Bu-cake-ee!
Shit, I thought Tariq Aziz was Editor in Chief for Fox News? How come they're hanging him? I'd check the link but, frankly, who the fuck wants to register with the New York Times! Can't they just play bushkashi with his head or something interesting to replay over and over and over, like folks jumping off skyscrapers or plunging to their death over the Hudson? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=57QAjpjKulk&fe...
So why the fuck can't they hang Roger Ailes? Let the Mooslim go.
We are the new world leaders in 3 card monte. Thats all we got left since out givmment gave alway all our jobs to Brown People Places.
Corruption is why we win. Mirrors on our shoes. Also.
And what do Denmark, Singapore and New Zealand have in common? Hobbits!
Well, except for Denmark and Singapore, but still.
Outside spending bubble. Dumb richtards think their influencing politics by buying gridlock but getting less action for more money.
Tomorrow's headline:
Iran Dumps "BAGS OF CASH" On Karl Rove
I think the real problem with America's corruption is that people are talking about it now. We had a good run where everyone kept there mouth shut and wouldn't rat on their friends. Now everyone wants their fifteen minutes in the spotlight. Ain't no class anymore. Stay out of the papers, people!
The Teabaggers crowd is already blaming the Obamunists for this trend.
Didn't GWB steal the whole country?
Wait a second… Tariq Aziz is a CHRISTIAN: How DARE these Muslins impose their dirty Sharia Law on a Christian.
I thought we took over Iraq to impose American law and justice, not Dearborn, Michagan style creeping Sharia.
We must stage a rescue mission or the Korans will burn!
Heck YEAH! I kinda took a liking to the little feller! Can't we send the Sixth Fleet and a shitload of the top secret stockpile we built-up in Diego Garcia last Spring that we aren't allowed to know about…
If Aziz hangs, we'd better have boots on the ground in Poland within a month or it will prove that this President is soft on terrorism.
A Catholic. The Born-agains don't count them as real Xtns, hence Bush's readiness to kill them
Sharia Law Quiz: If you're caught driving while using a cellphone, do they cut off your HAND or your EAR?
Worse, they cut off your minutes.
My knee jerk soul requires that I say without snark that hanging is barbaric, regardless of who is being hung.
Some of us are glad to be hung. Or our wives are glad we're hung, anyway. Being hanged? Not so much.
Gross observation of the morning (or maybe the first of several): The look on the bald character's face is something like, "Hey, this smells like semen!"
"Are you blowing as hard as you can on your Vuvuzela as you read this…."
Nope, but I'm tooting the shit outta my rape whistle.
USA! USA!
Wait, we just reached the new level of corruption? Because the subprime lending crisis, the false foreclosures, the Madoff scandal, et al. all happened / began a while ago, we've just only recently learned their full extent.
I've caught bits of that show a few times when staying with relatives with small children, and not being a child, a stoner or a pedophile, it's just really fucking creepy. Those puppet-men are some of scariest shit on TV.
I think it's totally unfair that Tariq Aziz is being hung, while Ari Fleischer, Dana Perino and Scottie McMarshmallowhead walk the earth as free citizens.
After all, they were all doing the same job but their bosses lies did far more damage to the world than Tariq Aziz's bosses lies did.
Ari Fleischer WALK? Since when do gastropods leave no slimy trails as they slither about bottom-feeding with the other slime molds, mollusks and disgusting critters along K-Street? If you managed to get a rope around what passes for a head on these things, they'd simply poop-out two or three more writhing, gnawing maws… like that disgusting Maglalang thing!!! Man,
Quite true.
I'm not blowing any vulvas until we're #1! USA FTW!!!1!!
If the opportunity arises, manufacture an excuse.
Today we are all portly bald dudes getting jizzed in the face.
Jesus! Puppet facials! Only at Wonkette.
Only at Wonkette.
Or, y'know, Saturday morning kid's TV….
YER GRAFIX NEEDS MOAR PEDOBEAR!
Lazytown is a pedophile's fantasy city. Excellent fodder for gifs @Wonkette!
On today's Lazytown, we learn that exercise and healthy food improve both your volume and distance!
I blow my vuvuzela all the time. While I'm at work, when I'm watching a movie at a theatre, when I'm reading a book at starbucks, when I'm on the toilet, when I'm fucking my wife etc. Other than my wife leaving me, being fired, and not being allowed into any theater or Starbucks in a 30 mile radius I say it was worth it.
America, F#@K YEAH!
What you going to do when we come for you now,
it's the dream that we all share; it's the hope for tomorrow
Someday, when its far, far too late, even the teabaggeratti will come to realize the neo-robber barons on Wall Street dont really give a fuck about them and the rest of Merika. Their only god is green and they'll screw over anybody or any country to make more. However it is amazing the greatest financial scandal in history has resulted in 0 convictions, except for a the few ponzi schemes. Meanwhile Angelo at country wide gets a slap on the wrist and pays a fraction of what he stole.
The T-tards hope to become robber barons. They are too dumb to realize that they are just tools, like the waiters on the Titanic.
Now I've over-inflated my wife. This is all your fault Riley.
I bet O'Donnell has some moves that would knock your socks off in bed. Probably involves one of her girlfriends from the old coven, too.
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