Why did your Wonkette attend the National Italian American Foundation’s 35th Pasta Gala last Saturday? Honestly, all we wanted was a photograph of Yogi Berra that we could give to our grandparents. Did Yogi Berra even show up, though? Of course not, so we had to hang out with Scalia and his saggy neck fat instead. It wasn’t all bad, though: We got to sing songs with him! Videographer Extraordinaire Liz Glover has put together a fun sing-along movie for you to watch. It’s mostly just Antonin Scalia singing his favorite tune from The Godfather: Part II soundtrack, but there is also a wonderful clip of your Riley Waggaman running up to Scalia and saying, “It’s very nice to meet you, Mr. Alito,” and then shaking his hand. Someone had been drinking that night!
You can’t actually hear us call Scalia “Mr. Alito,” but we promise you that is what we called him. Oh well. Just listen to Scalia’s beautiful baritone/whatever. (Ha ha, he clearly does not know the words to his favorite Italian song!)
Anyway, we didn’t have “VIP passes” to this so-called gala, and all the famous people were roped off behind a special elitist VIP curtain during the “reception.” And when we tried to sneak in the Secret Service almost murdered us. Why are Italians so classist?
As always, thank you to the amazing Liz Glover!
{ 68 comments }
"Why are Italians so classist?"
Italians. Romans. Roman Empire.
"Why are Italians so classist?"
Also, -somebody- has to keep the goddamn Irish in their place.
The Italians are stepping in for the British?
Say what you will about those Romans, at least their empire lasted a full 200 years at its peak. The U.S. didn't even last 40 years at its peak. I just can't figure out how exactly we're going to be finished off, though. Civil war? Revolution? Slow decline into Russian-style oligarchy?
"Slow decline into Russian-style oligarchy?"
Aren't we kinda already there?
Before the empire, they also managed to keep a democracy (of sorts anyway) for nearly half a millennium; we haven't been around half that time, and have our own group of brown-shirted optimares threatening violence to subvert rule of the people.
Civil war? Revolution? Slow decline into Russian-style oligarchy?
All of the above.
Let the Eagle Soar!
Scalia's Pagliacci costume has way too much make-up.
Secret Service? You sure it wasn't just Scalia's private goons? That's the non-socialist way to provide security. Welcome to The New Normal©™.
And what's Scalia doing at this identity-politics conclave of professional whiners? Guess what, Tony: Italian-Americans are doing just fine, and don't have to run around acting all butt-hurt about "Jersey Shore." As en example: odious as you are, no one suggests you're unqualified to be on the court because of your heritage. You're unqualified because you're a douche bag corporate tool and a bigot.
It was the Opus Dei Hit Squad.
Or Jesuit ninjas — "Soldiers of Christ."
They debate theology with you until you die.
Then you come back from the dead, and run for Senate Zombie.
What with the NY Post's goons hunting down Palidino's daughter, Joe Miller's goons cuffing a reporter and this Scalia dang wall of goons, the goon economy is the one bright spot in our national fortunes. U-S-A! U-S-A!
You're lucky. The year I was there all I got to see was Annette Funicello. Actually, I win.
Absolutely- You saw Annette- that is so much cooler than seeing a fat bad justice. I remember Annette from the Mickey Mouse club(the real one before future whores like Britney got accepted)
Nobody knows the words to our national anthem. And Antonin 'Alito' is no Robert Byrd when it comes to warbling.
We'll always have the sweet sweet sounds of Orin Hatch.
Nice tie, Riley! Is that a clip-on?
You should have grabbed the mike and said " I'm taking Ms. Scalia's suggestion. I've prayed on it and I'd like to apologize for allowing the justice to take the heat for my false claim of child rape. It was like 20 years ago and it was mostly consentual. Sorry S-man!"
At the National Italian American Foundation’s 35th Pasta Gala anyone is allowed to privately ask Judge Scalia for a "Favor".
At the 25th Pasta Gala, George W. Bush asked the judge for a Special Favor related to the impending 2000 presidential election.
Chris Berman was doing the halftime highlights on ESPN last night, how the hell could he be two places at once?
How did you get VIP passes? Riley Waggamano?
Arthur Fonzarelli.
Asshole Profundo
Yeah, ask Action Jackson. Well, I guess you'll need to go to Xtine OD cause the asking will require a little witchcraft or seance-stuff.
Where did he touch you Riley?
That "neck-fat" as you call it is in reality more akin to a camel's hump.
It's where he stores his conserviosity and it would probably be best for all involved if, the next time you see it, you just took some scissors to it.
Also, I wish there were such a thing as Wonket Petty Cash. Youse guys could have payed the band to play the theme from Super Mario Brothers and watched Scalito try and jump on top of everyone's puttanesca.
"It's a-me. Vaffanculo!"
I can't believe there's not a single post inquiring about who that woman is the camera fixates on, rocking back and forth during the anthem.
And I may be first in line with the inevitable: Where's Snooky?
Don't know who she is, but she's unquestionably Italian.
The dinner conflicted with Snookie's tanning salon reservations.
Which woman are you talking about? Giuliana DiPandi or Mike Piazza?
The singing wasn't bad, but Nino's mind was clearly elsewhere — perhaps on the magnificent porn lent to him by Justice Thomas.
Play Ball!!!!!!!
Most of those Italian-Americans, had they been around when Garibaldi was liberating Italy, would've had him hanged. My fucking heritage.
Hey. We've still got Michael Parenti.
Waggaman…Waggaman…sounds Jewish to me.
Shar-i-a don't like it!
Rock the cash bar, rock the cash bar.
Riley, I'm disappointed that you didn't try and knee old Waddlebutt square in the nuts so he could hit the screechy point of the "Free-EEEEEEEEE." Maybe next time, m'kay?
The words to Scalia's favorite Italian song:
Giovinezza, giovinezza,
primavera di bellezza:
nel Fascismo è la salvezza
della nostra libertà
When the stank hits your eyes
Like a skunk in disguise
That's Scali~a
When democracy's nice
But BP gets more rights
That's Scali~a
Win.
But here's the big question: was Carl Paladino there? If so, did he show off any horsefucking porn?
He prefers to call them "family albums."
Those Italians can get pretty handsie, they didn't do anything funny to Waggleman did they?
Scalia did. It's called "judicial activism."
Breitbart left his scent on Riley so everyone knew he was out of bounds.
Confusing Kagan with Sotomayor, confusing Scalia with Alito… what next, confusing Ginsburg and Thomas?
I think there's a bigger risk of confusing Thomas with Larry Flynt.
Watch it, Ginny will call you and ask for an apology.
In 20 years.
What brand of shoe polish does Scalia use to achieve that excellent hair color?
Cause I'm grayer with each passing day and could use the help.
I believe that color is called "Reagan."
Ti amo molto.
Have you ever been around Italian peasants? Watch Jersey Shore, when it comes to a noxious peasantry, Italy has them all beat, classisim is the only rational response, its a self-defense thing.
You are my hero, sir.
I have a request, "SHUTTA UPPA YOU FACE-AAH! "
I'm confused- what is Harry Potter doing at the Italian American dinner.
His agent told him the gig was to quickly apparate in the Italian Chamber of Dinning, grope a Death Eater, turn, smile for the camera, mad dash to the portkey, and BOOM! Harry "Waggaman" Potter is p.a.i.d. paid, biyotch!
Neverthenever, the contract is void since Our Man Riley failed to don the Top Hat of Horchow, as stipulated. Hey, man, you don't read the fine print, not my friggin problem, aight? No giddahduheeya, Harry.
You know I read a lot. Especially things that have to do with history. I find it fascinating. In fact, I don't know if Riley knows this or not, but Italian Americans were spawned by Messicans.
It's a fact. Italian Americans have messican blood pumpin' through their hearts. You see, hundreds of years ago, Italians moved to New York City. But New York City already had Puerto Ricans living in its slums. But the Dago men loved the Puerto Rican women so much and did so much fuckin' with them, that they changed the blood-line for ever. So dark hair and dark skin changed to darker hair and darker skin. It's a fact. It's written. So Scalia's great, great, great, great, great- grandmother was fucked by a Puerto Rican woman, and spawned a half-Latino kid. That is a fact. Now tell me, am I lyin'?
Alito? I thought that was Ruth Bader Ginsburg. Oh sh-t, I'm stoned again.
Why would any normal person want to fuck up a perfectly good Saturday night by going to this assload of boring?
Wow, I didn't even know they made NeckNutz!
I can remember back in 1986 then Chief Justice William Rehnquist was at some retreat in West Virginia (Greenbriar?) leading a sing a long of such songs like "I'bd workin' on de railroad."
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