• May 26, 2012

Tea Party Invades Catholic Church, Reinstitutes Witch Hunts

by Benjamin Frisch  

The Roman Catholic Church is not really known for its progressive tendencies, mostly because of that Nazi Pope and its other irrational hatreds, which are as innumerable as the number of angels that can dance on the head of a pin. Sadly, this is not enough for the true Catholics living in God’s holy light, who happen to share all the most-fun Tea Party tendencies.

  • In the Archdiocese of Boston, parishioners are dissecting the work of a top adviser to the cardinal for any hint of Marxist influence.
  • Bloggers are combing through campaign finance records to expose staff of Catholic agencies who donate to politicians who support abortion rights.
  • RealCatholicTV.com, working from studios in suburban Detroit, is hunting for “traitorous” nuns, priests or bishops throughout the American church.
  • “We’re no more engaged in a witch hunt than a doctor excising a cancer is engaged in a witch hunt,” said Michael Voris of RealCatholicTV.com and St. Michael’s Media. “We’re just shining a spotlight on people who are Catholics who do not live the faith.”

    [MSNBC]

    { 51 comments }

    chascates October 25, 2010 at 1:23 pm

    But the child-raping is still kosher?

    Dr_pangloss October 25, 2010 at 9:19 pm

    It's In The Bible!

    Katydid October 25, 2010 at 1:24 pm

    Jesus Christ on a cracker, these people are nuts.

    Steverino247 October 25, 2010 at 1:24 pm

    What they should be doing is shining a light on the cockroaches in the church that like child fucking.

    obfuscator2 October 25, 2010 at 1:33 pm

    seriously all of these people can just go fucking die in a fucking fire.

    going all huac on "liberals" in the church while simultaneously ignoring and enabling the ongoing existence of a global underground railroad for child rapists. fucking unbelievable.

    HELisforHEL October 25, 2010 at 1:58 pm

    The priest who pushed me out the door faith-wise at 16 (due to his weekly misogynistic rants that he gave as homily) turned out to be yet another typical child-raping asshole. He was just another pedophile that got shifted around from parish to parish until the sh*t hit the fan.
    This whole contingent of bling-encrusted clowns have to go away, forever. Any good works the Catholic Church has managed to do despite the evil political BS running the show is so outweighed by this continued crap.

    albryan October 25, 2010 at 1:42 pm

    Mother Angelica started this a long time ago. The desire to return to 1899 Catholicism before "Modernism"

    Signed,
    Ex-Priest

    Monsieur_Grumpe October 25, 2010 at 1:45 pm

    The Popes-in-training just closed 21 churches in Minnesota because nobody is going. They also just mailed out DVDs telling people not to vote for politicians who believe in gay marriage. Seems like they're more into hating than that loving mankind shit.
    http://minnesota.publicradio.org/display/web/2010...

    OkieDokieDog October 25, 2010 at 1:46 pm

    Wasn't raised a Catholic, so it has always astounded me that women have bought into the misogynist crap of these pigs for effing centuries. Always thought the Nuns were only there to do the dirty work – helping the poor & infirmed. And doing a little beating the crap out of orphans. ;)

    To sum up: Fuck 'em all and the Popemobile they rode in on.

    HELisforHEL October 25, 2010 at 2:02 pm

    You said it.
    I still have friends who buy into it–I just don't get it. Maybe it's like McDonalds–it's comforting in a bland, bad-for-you-in-every-conceivable-way way.

    I have certainly never understood how some jackalope who lives with other boys and has all his laundry & cooking done for him by a bunch of old ladies is an authority on marriage, sex and love…What?

    Gopherit October 25, 2010 at 1:47 pm

    In the Archdiocese of Boston, parishioners are dissecting the work of a top adviser to the cardinal for any hint of Marxist influence.

    HAHAHAHA! His name is Jesus Christ. Is as pinko as they come…..just read anything he said in the new testament. We really need to root that fucker out of what is otherwise a god-fearing bunch of conservatives.

    Gopherit October 25, 2010 at 1:48 pm

    Also, given the political implications of this, can we finally start pulling the Catholic Church's non-profit status and start balancing the budget on their child-fucking backs?

    Monsieur_Grumpe October 25, 2010 at 1:52 pm

    amen!

    obfuscator2 October 25, 2010 at 2:03 pm

    a literal sin tax.

    HELisforHEL October 25, 2010 at 2:04 pm

    Well, no wonder they don't get it. Catholics don't read the bible.

    V572625694 October 25, 2010 at 1:48 pm

    How do devout Catholics keep rejecting the fact that the purpose of their church today is to promulgate child torture and protect its perpetrators, and all the good works are just cover for that, instead of the reverse?

    HELisforHEL October 25, 2010 at 1:51 pm

    “We’re just shining a spotlight on people who are Catholics who do not live the faith.”

    …from my experience, that would include 99.99999999999999999999998% of the Catholics currently breathing.

    Jukesgrrl October 25, 2010 at 11:18 pm

    Every single Catholic I know!

    mumbly_joe October 25, 2010 at 1:52 pm

    I no! Get rid of Catholic Marxism! After all, where in the Bible does it say "Each according to their ability [...] to each according to their need."

    Wait, what? It says that in Acts? About the early Christians? Fuckin' A.

    emmelemm October 25, 2010 at 8:02 pm

    "Where in the Constitution does it say there's a separation of church and state?

    Wait, what? The First Amendment? Fuckin' A."

    Seriously, what is it with these people not actually reading (or understanding) their OWN "sacred texts"?

    PocketsTheClown October 25, 2010 at 1:55 pm

    Silver lining if you kept up your Latin studies.

    Gratuitous World October 25, 2010 at 1:55 pm

    i'm just glad they retain their tax-exempt status so they have the money to pay lawyers and Ron Johnson to indemnify their hierarchy against any ramifications from enabling rapists.

    glamourdammerung October 25, 2010 at 1:56 pm

    "I am now as before a Catholic and will always remain so."
    - Adolf Hitler

    MiniMencken October 25, 2010 at 4:23 pm

    Cool quote. The old Adolf also told Martin Borman "The heaviest blow that ever struck humanity was the coming of Christianity. Bolshevism is Christianity's illegitimate child. Both are inventions of the Jew." A Führer can change his mind, I guess.

    glamourdammerung October 25, 2010 at 4:41 pm

    There is a ton of quotes from Hitler about restoring honor and putting "God back in the government".

    LionelHutzEsq October 26, 2010 at 2:27 am

    But wait, that is what Glenn Beck says……, Hmmmm…..

    Pop_Socket October 25, 2010 at 2:05 pm

    At this rate it's only a matter of time before they give women urine tests on the way into church to check for illicit birth control pills.

    SayItWithWookies October 25, 2010 at 2:09 pm

    Gee, how much you wanna bet that the Catholics up for purging due to their not supporting pro-life causes sufficiently are the same ones who've been deploring the church's culture of hiding their vicious abuses against children? Pope Ratzi really picked a great time to clean house — he can kill two birds with one stone now.

    Come here a minute October 25, 2010 at 2:14 pm

    “We’re no more engaged in a witch hunt than a doctor excising a cancer is engaged in a witch hunt."

    However, just FYI, the if-it-floats-it's-a-witch test works pretty well.

    Lascauxcaveman October 25, 2010 at 2:18 pm

    I'm seeing a lot zero pees out there. You guys have pissed off some lurking Catholic with all your mean, snarky comments.

    elviouslyqueer October 25, 2010 at 2:19 pm

    As I recall, Jesus didn't say "Do unto others before they do unto you." Catholics, YUR DOIN IT RONG.

    imissopus October 25, 2010 at 2:38 pm

    So the Catholic Church, like Starbucks, expanded too quickly?

    JMPEsq October 25, 2010 at 3:20 pm

    That, and people probably figure their children can be safe inside a Starbucks.

    real_dc_native October 25, 2010 at 2:47 pm

    An inquisition? What could be more Catholic than that? At least they're not persecuting Jews – right now – yet.

    JMPEsq October 25, 2010 at 3:29 pm
    metamarcisf October 25, 2010 at 4:06 pm

    NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition!

    real_dc_native October 25, 2010 at 4:29 pm

    Yes, I knew someone would go there. What I meant to say though is that at least they haven't started with the Jews this time. Though some people confuse Jews and Marxists. This in spite of the fact that Stalin loved that cute czarist tradition called the pogrom.

    mavenmaven October 25, 2010 at 4:01 pm

    Probably a bad freudian slip to mention "witch hunting", since that seems to be their popular sport now in Africa (not to mention the role of the Catholic church in Rwanda) http://www.afrol.com/Countries/Rwanda/backgr_cros....

    4tehlulz_lite October 25, 2010 at 4:16 pm

    >In the Archdiocese of Boston, parishioners are dissecting the work of a top adviser to the cardinal for any hint of Marxist influence.

    They're checking to see if he's kenyan?

    real_dc_native October 25, 2010 at 4:30 pm

    No Keynesian.

    JMPEsq October 25, 2010 at 8:00 pm

    Apparently, some members of the Catholic community follow the teachings of a radical socialist communist who believed the rich should give away all their possessions to aid the poor.

    MiniMencken October 25, 2010 at 4:17 pm

    With a few noun changes, this Hitler quote would work for the RealCatholic.TV shedders of light: "Was there any form of filth or profligacy, particularly in cultural life, without at least one Jew involved in it? If you cut even cautiously into such an abscess, you found, like a maggot in a rotting body, often dazzled by the sudden light – a kike!"

    GOPCrusher October 25, 2010 at 4:27 pm

    Wonder at what point, the wingnuts will figure out that the whole ideological purity concept is a bad idea?

    transfatz October 25, 2010 at 10:22 pm

    Being wingnuts, just slightly after they are at the point of the knife.

    lochnessmonster October 25, 2010 at 5:30 pm

    And God told them they should be prying into other peoples lives and become judge and jury instead of Him? Can't buy that one.

    Jukesgrrl October 25, 2010 at 11:25 pm

    But … but … but … God's busy deciding which NFL multimillionaire should receive His favor this week.

    bringmeanaxe October 25, 2010 at 6:43 pm

    As Bill Maher says, religion is just ego masquerading as humility.

    transfatz October 25, 2010 at 9:50 pm

    Even before I knew about sex I was warned about the priests. I was terrified that father O'Bugger would do something bad to me that I knew nothing about. It was going on in every diocese I lived in. All the boys were afraid. I couldn't exit this sewer fast enough as a teenager. Forget tax status. I think that all the priests should be arrested and that anyone who still believes in this mumbo-jumbo should be institutionalized.

    Jukesgrrl October 25, 2010 at 11:21 pm

    Sen. Joe McCarthy a Catholic. BTW, I'd double your p for that rant if I could.

    slowhansolo October 26, 2010 at 12:02 am

    For me, the trauma came from never, in 12 years, being sufficiently winsome to attract that kind of attention.

    Pragmatist2 October 26, 2010 at 1:53 pm

    This is just wrong. The Catholic Church is a Big Tent – with some pretty kinky carnys inside.

    Comments on this entry are closed.

    Previous post:

    Next post: