EHARMONY MATCHES  12:10 pm October 25, 2010

New Pals Scalia and Kagan Hang Out At Gun Range

by Jack Stuef

Friends with government benefits
Antonin Scalia was spotted giving Elena Kagan “a lesson” about shootin’ crap at a shooting “club” last week, according to The Daily Caller, which has set up a tin-can telephone at the bottom of Tucker Carlson’s treehouse to receive such tips. Clarence Thomas is gonna be so pissed when he finds out his blood brother was hanging out with that new girl without him! According to eyewitnesses who had their rifle scopes trained on the liberal intruder woman, Scalia was “bending down in order to teach Kagan how to hold the shotgun,” and “the pair were shooting skeet.” Sexy! For their second date, Scalia will do Kagan’s favorite activity, recreationally aborting a fetus and then gay-marrying it to another aborted fetus.

The witnesses saw Scalia at the Fairfax Rod and Gun Club, where he is a member, around noon on Wednesday of last week. He was with a woman who was noticeably diminutive in height, like Kagan, who stands at about five feet three inches. The witnesses, who got a very close look at the pair, say that the woman was the newest Supreme Court Justice.

Sounds like someone played those Where in the World Is Carmen Sandiego? computer games as a kid. They really put together those clues! High five, witnesses!

And also, what exactly is the “Rod” part of this “Fairfax Rod and Gun Club”? Is that about gun-club members going in a room and comparing dicks?

The verdict (HA! THAT’S A JUDGE THING!) here is that Obama’s Supreme Court nominees really try to go through the motions of this whole “empathy with the other side thing.” It’s just like that time Sonia Sotomayor let Clarence Thomas sexually harass her and show her weird boob porn. [Daily Caller]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 63 comments }

JoeMamased October 25, 2010 at 12:15 pm

Oh noes! That hussy stealin' Ruthie's man!

MarionNYNY October 25, 2010 at 1:18 pm

Awww. It's kind of cute. His work-wife Ruthie retired so he's courting her replacement, another nice Jewish girl. It almost humanizes him.

Texan_Bulldog October 25, 2010 at 12:15 pm

I assume the "Rod" refers to a fishing rod, but she should have pulled a Cheney on old Antonin….and then never apologized.

V572625694 October 25, 2010 at 12:17 pm

The fact that you have to essplain the "rod" in "rod and gun club" to Jack this shows ya what an elitist cesspool our Wonkett has become. Noted gun enthusiast David Brooks says so.

Texan_Bulldog October 25, 2010 at 12:26 pm

I had 2 schools of thought when I typed that:

1. Maybe Jack should have hung out some with folks NOT in the A/V club or
2. Jack is obsessed with sex

Monsieur_Grumpe October 25, 2010 at 12:19 pm

I'm sure the thought crossed her mind.

Canmon October 25, 2010 at 12:16 pm

That should put those lesbian rumors to rest.

Fare la Volpe October 25, 2010 at 12:25 pm

For which one?

Oblios_Cap October 25, 2010 at 12:17 pm

Next week they'll go off to play in a softball tournament together!

Bonzos_Bed_Time October 25, 2010 at 12:17 pm

Elena, please, please, please say no if Tony wants to bring Dick Cheney along for a shooting threesome.

Or any sort of threesome actually.

donner_froh October 25, 2010 at 12:18 pm

"Hold the shotgun"–is that what Scalia calls it?

Gopherit October 25, 2010 at 12:18 pm

Nothing like a relaxing afternoon of Scotus shooting Skeetus.

edgydrifter October 25, 2010 at 12:19 pm

Meanwhile, Clarence thinks he can get Kagan to "switch teams" with his beef-log prowess, and Samuel wants to document the attempt from inside Clarence's closet.

Terry October 25, 2010 at 12:38 pm

So that's why Thomas' college nickname was "Swiss Colony"

chascates October 25, 2010 at 12:20 pm

I bet the real tip-off was the black robes they were wearing.

freakishlywrong October 25, 2010 at 12:21 pm

For their second date, Scalia will do Kagan’s favorite activity, recreationally aborting a fetus and then gay-marrying it to another aborted fetus.

That will be "Breaking News" on the Fair and Balanced channel.
CNN will follow with: "Is gay marriage for aborted feti in the Constitution, or not?"
MSNBC will just blame the whole controversy on Obama due to his "aloofness" and his inability to connect with Real 'Muricans. (Because he's black).

mrbubb October 25, 2010 at 12:47 pm

Pretty sure fetus is a fourth declension noun, which makes the plural "fetus", but probably "fetuses" will do. Or God's little republicans, whichever.

freakishlywrong October 25, 2010 at 1:08 pm

I was going for the "Cletus" model. Multiple rednecks/teatards are "Cleti"..

bumfug October 25, 2010 at 12:24 pm

Kagan spent the rest of the day making "half-cocked" jokes about Scalia and laughing her ass off.

Mindblank October 25, 2010 at 1:29 pm

It's true that his shotgun wasn't Full Choke.

RedneckMuslin October 25, 2010 at 12:24 pm

Didn't Jimmy Cagney call a pistol a rod?

A Rod, isn't that an overpaid baseball player?

SecretMuslin October 25, 2010 at 1:28 pm

A Rod is an overpaid baseball player that will, thankfully, be watching the World Series from the comfort of his sofa.

RedneckMuslin October 25, 2010 at 1:53 pm

Shee, the dame's got a hold of my rod, shee. The dirty rat, shee.

SarcasticNymph October 25, 2010 at 5:18 pm

sofa enormous ego

neiltheblaze October 25, 2010 at 12:28 pm

For her next lesson, Samuel Alito will guide Kagan through the finer points of State of the Union etiquette.

Lucidamente1 October 25, 2010 at 12:28 pm

Clarence Thomas rents “Fairfax Rod and Gun Club IV” at least twice a month.

horsedreamer_1 October 25, 2010 at 12:53 pm

Pull!

mumbly_joe October 25, 2010 at 12:34 pm

I always suspected Scalia was a lesbian. How will Scalia manage to rule against DADT, with this obvious conflict of interest?!

RECUSE YOURSELF.

slithytovesss October 25, 2010 at 12:35 pm

I notice Elena doesn't wear a bib on the front of her gown like Ginsberg. She's missing that oh so feminine touch.

nappyduggs October 25, 2010 at 1:25 pm

You mean the feminine trait of swallowing over spitting?

Tundra Grifter October 25, 2010 at 2:34 pm

Looks to me like she just forgot to take off her napkin after eating lunch.

seppdecker October 25, 2010 at 4:43 pm

I love Ginsburg, but that looks so lame, lamer than wearing a long black robe and almost as lame as Rehnquist having stripes sewn on his sleeves to show that he was team captain of the Supreme Court.

LionelHutzEsq October 25, 2010 at 12:36 pm

Scalia taught a firey Latinia how to shoot a gun?

There is no way this ends well.

JMPEsq October 25, 2010 at 12:41 pm

No, the lesbian; he still thinks Sotomayor is the SC cleaning lady.

LionelHutzEsq October 25, 2010 at 1:32 pm

Damn, Commies all look a like to me.

HELisforHEL October 25, 2010 at 1:46 pm

Actually if she Cheney'ed his *ss, it would end very very well.

Mumbletypeg October 25, 2010 at 12:36 pm

I'm glad to see — though it's hard to clearly tell for sure if that's Sotomayor on theback row/ far left? — that the doily-bib is finally phasing-out with these most recent swearings-in.

Lascauxcaveman October 25, 2010 at 12:37 pm

Hell, even I'd shoot skeet with Scalia. It's that fun.

Pull!

But I'd rather go bird hunting with him, if you know what I mean.

Sgt_Biyatch October 25, 2010 at 12:42 pm

I have a whole new level of respect for Elena Kagan. The self restraint necessary to avoid shooting Scalia repeatedly must've been excruciating.

DCHatesMe October 25, 2010 at 12:44 pm

I remember when Wonkette was the DC gossip blog. Tucker Carlson is so cool now.

Zvi_Bleindmeis October 25, 2010 at 12:46 pm

(Rod and Gunnar?)

This is a pet peeve of mine. The gay-haters say, "It's Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve."

Well, guess what, assholes. You're half right. It would never be Adam and Steve. It would be Adam and Stephen.

JustPixelz October 25, 2010 at 12:46 pm

With some bad aiming, we could have seen a re-enactment of "Bush v Gore".

weejee October 25, 2010 at 12:46 pm

So now she knowz what to do when Anton-eee-oh-nee says PULL.

mrblifil October 25, 2010 at 12:47 pm

I always cry at aborted fetus weddings.

Extemporanus October 25, 2010 at 2:27 pm

♪♫ It's a fetus bride when you've already paid… ♪♫

nappyduggs October 25, 2010 at 12:47 pm

Aww, c'mon, Leni! I can't believe you fell for this. I remember when I was an awkward girl of fifty…oh, scratch that. I remember when I was an awkward Nappy and would agree to do just about anything with a fella if he'd pay some attention to me. But, like so many Eighties' movies, they were always using me in lieu of/to get back at the hot, popular girl, in this case the sexy, illegal Mexirican Sonia Sotomayor. He' still really bitter about her not going all Lady and the Tramp on a churro with him, now he's trying to put some buckshot in her nalgas, andwants to use you as a pawn. Stay home with a nice, thick law journal or Nicholas Sparks novel. Your prince will come….

JustPixelz October 25, 2010 at 12:53 pm

My book report

"The Hunt for Red Sonia" by Antonin Scalia is the story of a man named Tony who thinks a woman named Sonia is a red socialist. To learn the truth, he starts spending time with her. Like in Sandra Bullock movies, she doesn't have a boyfriend even though she is "super foxy". But the man discovers she is really more than super foxy. She is also super smart. The book ends at the shooting range which has lots of symbolism.

This is a good book that I recommend for anyone who is interested in hunting.

horsedreamer_1 October 25, 2010 at 12:54 pm

Kagan's just training for her Birthright trip & service in the IDF.

chicken_thief October 25, 2010 at 1:05 pm

Hmm. Be interesting to see how Kagan votes on the next 2nd Amendment issue to be argued….

Pop_Socket October 25, 2010 at 1:09 pm

Scalia is just prepping her for a hunting trip with Dick Cheney.

chicken_thief October 25, 2010 at 1:10 pm

On another subject, just wtf is "weird boob porn"? Does it mean "weird boob" porn – like three nipple shit? Or weird "boob porn"?

Either way, can I get on the Clarence Thomas/Carl Palidino email list?

Guppy06 October 25, 2010 at 1:15 pm

Why do half the comments think this is about Sotomayor?

Dyke, spic, what's the diff?

Beowoof October 25, 2010 at 1:21 pm

My observation would be the she doesn't appear to have the boobs in quite the size that Clarence prefers so he probably chose to stay home and bang that cow he is married to.

Mindblank October 25, 2010 at 1:26 pm

Guess she's part of the Old Boy network, now. The skeet has hit the fan.

Winnie_Cooper October 25, 2010 at 1:37 pm

So, basically, Scalia is creeped out by Virginia Thomas and is shopping around for a new Supreme Court BFF.

horsedreamer_1 October 25, 2010 at 2:27 pm

Yes, but if the Godfather has taught us anything, it's that Jews & Italians cannot get along. Just look how Michael had Moe Green done!

Extemporanus October 25, 2010 at 2:17 pm

"Leave the gun. Take the rugelach."

Tundra Grifter October 25, 2010 at 2:33 pm

I don't care how you cook 'em, Skeet always taste terrible.

Why bother shooting anything you're not going to be able to eat?

Although they are probably the one thing The Gov'Nor could actually clean.

NorthStarSpanx October 26, 2010 at 9:37 am

Oh, I can see it now, Todd calling around frantically around the Valley for anyone with some extra skeet in their freezers for Sarah's next publicity seeking casserole.

Neilist October 25, 2010 at 2:37 pm

YESYESYESYESYESYESYESYES!!!!!!!!

No, that's not what you think it is. I was quoting Molly Bloom's soliloquy from "Ulysses."

Gesh. You Liberal Communist Pink SCUM are sooooo quick to stereotype.

Neilist
NRA Wonkette/Celtic Literature Desk,
Lesbian Outreach Department

Not_So_Much October 25, 2010 at 2:39 pm

As long as Clarence got dibs on sniffing the gun stock first, he was probably ok with Scalia dating outside the party. Tho' Ginny will have to spank his naughty ass later…

bbqboy October 25, 2010 at 3:24 pm

" The witnesses, who got a very close look at the pair, say that the woman was the newest Supreme Court Justice."
I suspect that his breasts are bigger than hers.
But testicles, I'm not sure about. She could be hung like a horse.

Schmannnity October 25, 2010 at 7:49 pm

Skeet skeet skeet. All these bitches crawl

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