Michelle was up to her usual hijinx last week, sending out e-mails reminding America to vote in that upcoming election thing, taking another busload of children around the White House vegetable garden, and wearing nice clothes. Apparently, that last thing is very important to some people at the Harvard Business Review, who decided to write some hoity-toity nerd-speak about our FLOTUS’ effect on stock prices and market variations and blah blah blah. At least they also drew pictures, to demonstrate how anything our FLOTUS wears instantly turns to gold.
It all began when she put that green J.Crew glove on the Lincoln Bible, and Preppy Jesus smiled down from the Heavens, in his khaki pants.
Professor David Yermack of NYU’s Stern School found that following 189 public appearances between November 2008 and December 2009, Michelle Obama created $2.7 billion in cumulative abnormal returns—value over and above normal market variations—for fashion and retail companies associated with the clothes she wore.
This probably sounds like good news. But in reality, Michelle is not simply accessorizing her way to a better economy. She is actually picking the clothes she likes, and then not picking clothes she doesn’t like, to punish the fools who created them.
Obama’s effect is partly a redistribution of value. While the brands she chooses gain value, investors punish a competitive sample of companies who make and sell clothes she doesn’t wear.
Fashion designers everywhere are now cowering in terror, building shrines with their Vogue magazines and praying to Heidi Klum that Michelle will decide to come shopping. One such fashion person is Tommy Hilfiger, who is famous for clothes with his little flag on them. And also sweatshops.
Tommy Hilfiger had a message for First Lady Michelle Obama on Wednesday night: He’s available to dress her. Hilfiger issued the offer to the First Lady at a charity fashion runway event to benefit the National Capital Chapter of the National MS Society.
“I’d like to dress her up,” he said of Obama. “She leans toward my casual clothes. I don’t think she knows I make dressy, formal clothes.”
Get in line, Tommy Hilfiger. There is at least a three-year wait to play dress-up with our FLOTUS. [Harvard Business Review/WWD]
Blair Burke (blairelinor@gmail.com) obsessively follows Michelle Obama’s every move for “The FLOTUS Files,” which appears every Monday here at your Wonkette.
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"…redistribution of value"? Here we go again.
Nice offer, Hilfiger — I'm sure my FLOTUS would look lovely in a floor-length formal red-white-and-blue sweatshirt with "TOMMY" emblazoned across the front. Go back to the early 90s where you belong and enjoy the wailing and gnashing of teeth.
Were it not for Snoop Dogg just cold flossin' the TOMMY gear on SNL back in the day, Hilfiger would be still be hawking his low-rent Ralph Lauren knock-offs out of the trunk of a rented Lexus in the Hamptons during the off-season, rather than chillaxin' in his Fire Island estate's cum-clogged hot tub with a pathetic posse of wigger White Party rejects.
Hilfinger's daughter was on an Mtv reality show a while back. I think it was called Rich Girls, something along those lines. She was a snotty brat, of course, but he came across as actually normal. I recall one conversation between the two of them where he was asking why she didn't wear his brand clothes, that she could have them for free. She has a teen response that may have involved eye rolling, iirc. He then gave her a lecture about working his way up the hard way, that she need to appreciate what she has and treat her belongings better. Fell on dead ears, of course. It was a good classic Dad lecture, well delivered.
The First-Lady's-fashion theory of the stock market works just as well as any other method of stock predictions; the whole things just a more sophisticated version of the Vegas slot machines.
BUT WHAT ABOUT HER EFFECT ON HUGE SWEET POTATO FUTURES?!???!
In order to be fair to all fashion designers, Michelle should be required to parade around naked until the end of her term in office.
That's exactly what she does, in my mind.
See, I'm guessing you have the advantage of nevers having attended Harvard. Me also. As such, we can say, HOTT, HOTT, HOTT, that Barry got a HOTT wife. If we were all Harvard Business school (alma mater of W) we'd have to be all sublimating; like the intecizes of her hawtness with the tranference of the data points of her wowzerness is best illustrated in Chart #1.
I am now officially glad they rejected my flabby cheeks.
That's why she married Barry — he just laid a little Barry White on her, and was in. No white dude can pull that off, even with a B-school sheepskin.
Based on the way I've seen Barry look at her, I think he agrees with your assessment.
Our FLOTUS is FINE!
Well, that's because Michelle has style and taste. Unlike, say, Sarah Palin, who proudly sports Naughty Monkey FMPs, sweats prominently embossed with "Juicy" on their ass, the latest line of Wal-Mart couture, and Joe Arpaio's pink undies.
Our beloved FLOTUS & SLOTUS are in C'Addle today digging for calms for Patty Murray. What rain gear from REI or Eddie Bauer will Michelle be wearin'.
I often dig for calm, but I rarely find it. I lean toward hysteria, especially when the election polls come in.
That was a C'Addle speak typo from too much listening to Iver's Acres of Clams mantra to *Keep Clam*, only bassackwards.
Well, just pull my Hilfiger.
Beavis and Butthead beat you to that line.
For yourself or for the woman?
Both.
♪♫ See my niggas don't dance,
See we just pull up the pants and,
Do the Roc-a-way,
Now lean back, lean back, lean back, lean back… ♪♫
I really like Blair's posts, but I'd also like to hear from Tootie on this one.
Why not just make a FLOTUS doll in several sizes — Barbie, Mini-Barbie and uh Life Size for Adults — plus all the fashions and accessories. That should jump start the economy right there. Plus think of what it would do for the youtube.
“I’d like to dress her up,” [Hilfinger] said of Obama…
… speaking for the entire adult male population of the US, and half the female.
How we trivialize women of accomplishment. Here is a trained attorney who is ernestly trying to combat childhood and adolescent obesity but does the populace pay attention? No, we have to discuss the designers of the clothing that she wears. How soon will my Chinese brothers call in the mountain of debt that they hold and turn us into a deserving colony of slaves, so that this madness can end?
Ok, You can have that. I'll take the trivialization part. We'll make a great team.
Once a black nationalist, always a whitey hater. Is there any industry this wonder woman of revolutionary ideology will not manipulate for her own devious ends?
She's a little preoccupied designing a White House bong collection at the moment. It's so hard to be born in the 80s…
/// "It's so hard to be born in the 80s… " ////
Especially with that "Roe V Wade" thing.
"Professor David Yermack of NYU’s Stern School found that following 189 public appearances between November 2008 and December 2009, Michelle Obama created $2.7 billion in cumulative abnormal returns…"
Sooo….??? People saw what she was wearing and rushed to 'return' similar purchases out of fear of looking like the First Wookie? Fatty needs to take her own advice before she preaches to the rest of us about obesity. Go green Michelle, smaller clothes make for a lighter 'carbon footprint' (for those idiots who buy into that crap…)
Fatty? You gotta be kiddin. Don't make me cut a bitch. She can kick your ass five ways 'til Tuesday.
"anything our FLOTUS wears instantly turns to gold"
I'll buy that.
Shorter – "NYU professor discovers that higher visibility results in more commercial activity." When a famous person looks good in a certain article of clothing, don't sales usually go up? Especially if it's something the populace isn't really paying attention to?
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