New Clarence Thomas Lady Confirms Clarence Thomas Was Gross

  overruled

This guy likes your boobs.Lillian McEwen used to date Clarence Thomas (EWW!), but according to the Washington Post, she didn’t get the chance to testify at his confirmation hearings even though he never raped her. She is now “breaking her silence,” however, because she is “shopping to publishers” a memoir heard about that weird thing his wife did to Anita Hill. Anyway, McEwen was a work colleague in addition to dating him, and she says he was “obsessed with porn” (did he have an early copy of the Internet?) and liked “large breasts.” Does Clarence Thomas also like ladies who write memoirs about him? Because this lady is siiiiiiingle! (EWW!)

“He was obsessed with porn,” she said of Thomas, who is now 63. “He would talk about what he had seen in magazines and films, if there was something worth noting.”

Eww.

“He was always actively watching the women he worked with to see if they could be potential partners,” McEwen said matter-of-factly. “It was a hobby of his.”

And Clarence Thomas would show them stuff he got at the local “hobby shop.”

 
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McEwen recalls writing Thomas a short note before the confirmation hearings, curious about what she should say if she were quizzed about their relationship. She said Thomas preferred that she would take “the same attitude of his first wife,” who never talked publicly about their relationship.

Act like the first wife. Just always act like the first wife.

Clarence Thomas is probably a lot more mellow now. Who does he hit on, Ruth Bader Ginsburg? No, he just hangs out with Scalia, probably, watching ever-weirder porn. [WP]

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About the author

Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

View all articles by Jack Stuef

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143 comments

  1. Bluestatelibel

    He was obsessed with porn and was always looking at women in the workplace as potential partners–OMG, kind of like about 99% of the males I've worked with, so fail. I don't see how this really adds anything.

    1. ph7

      It's easy to be obsessed with porn now, without little or no effort. But in the 80's, porn obession required special vigilance: you needed VHS tapes, VCR players, secret storage, and a TV, usually in a less than private living room setting. And, you had to travel to some seedy sections of town to find good source material.

    2. Doglessliberal

      This is just more proof of outrageous fuckedupedness. The fact that he overtly harassed women in the workplace and now is on the highest court, for life, charged with interpreting Title VII, is just pretty heinous.

    3. i_AM_ready

      Do you tell the women where you work about your favorite porn and ask them how big their breasts are? If you do, you'd better stop if you want to keep your job.

      1. OhNoGuy

        How about if you really don't want that job and would rather be on the Supreme Court? Would it be OK then? I think the Roberts court sez "u betcha!".

    1. LionelHutzEsq

      You are showing your age. It's from the 70s, when giant forest of pubic hair used to dominate the American wilderness. So thick, a team of men could get lost for days in them.

      And then came the 80s and Reagan, and like most of our National Treasures, they were sold off and destroyed by corporate interest. And cocaine. Lots and lots of cocaine.

      1. Chet Kincaid

        It was as if an enormous, receding glacier had denatured the Continental Divide. I blame Brazil.

      2. prommie

        Ah, I was just joshing, pretending to be a young, I am old as methuselah, and I simply cannot believe this new fashion trend with the shaving, waxing, and otherwise de-thatching, I am bemused, and bitter, very bitter, as well, that this came after my days in the sunshine had ended.

        1. prommie

          As explained above, I am a survivor of the trek through the jungle days, and I have seen that shot, and my God, that is one hairy woman, you just know she has to wax her arms, and face, and everything, you don't grow that kinda ginormous crotch-afro unless you have the genes. She may actually be part bigfoot.

  2. Troubledog

    According to Breitbart, Alito was a goat fucker and a child molester, so as long as Clarence is only sexually harassing adult human women, everything should be fine, also unlimited campaign spending, the end.

  3. Wadisay

    “He would talk about what he had seen in magazines and films, if there was something worth noting.”

    Nice to know that he only focused on the key stuff, like, "Say, I recently saw a movie in which that Jenna Jamison was emphatic about wanting to be fucked harder."

    1. GeoffPeterson

      I was wondering what might be "worth noting" in a porno. It's not like he was discussing legal journals or something.

  4. SayItWithWookies

    It's not that Clarence Thomas was a porn-obsessed creep with no boundaries — it's that he was so vehemently opposed to affirmative action that he felt it was his duty as an employee of the EEOC to routinely sexually harass his colleagues as a way of leveling the playing field.

        1. Doglessliberal

          Yeah, except you'd end up in trouble and he would skate. Harassing perjurers apparently always triumph. We need a stealth commando unit of militant and insane lesbian monkeys to take this one on.

          1. mog253

            Yes, Yesssssssssss (stroking white Persian cat and steepling fingers), insane lesbian monkessssssss.

    1. JMPEsq

      He's the perfect Republican appointee; when there's a set of laws they don't like, such as preventing discrimination or regulating say drilling for oil, put someone in charge of enforcement who won't do shit to make anyone comply with the law.

    2. Toomush_Infer

      Thanks, 'cause I had fuzzy memory there for a moment, thinking: porn, big boobs, hitting on Anita Hill, why didn't we like this guy again…?

  5. freakishlywrong

    Jack, alt-text is making my boobs buzz, they know when they're being looked at. "Pervdar" we call it.

  6. chickensmack

    Wow, I think I've read that book she's shoppin' in one page. No need, honey; Long Dong and Coke and Pubic Hair. Thanks, but no thanks.

  7. PalinPussyPower

    I call shenanigans. He's conservative and self-loathing, so this woman's story about his interest in tits and porn doesn't fit. If she had said "young Asian boys" and "abnormally large nutsacks" I might buy it. You're not pulling a fast one on me, lady. Just you wait, Ginny's gonna call you any minute now and set you right.

    1. Doglessliberal

      Ah, but apparently, he was also obessed with the women's skin tone, so the self-hating thing manifested that way.

  8. SecretMuslin

    She couldn't have "broken her silence" before this horrible sock puppet was confirmed to a lifetime appointment to the Supreme Court?

      1. Lascauxcaveman

        Naw, the Judiciary Committee came right out and said they'd only let one former woman colleague come out and dish the dirt (even though many more came forward), so everyone agreed on Hill, probably because of her dignity and gravitas. After Anita's testimony, this other lady at the time probably thought "WTH, I don't have anything to add to that. And besides, for a pervy boss and ex-boyfriend, he wasn't really such a bad guy, just a little creepy."

        1. Doglessliberal

          She is talking to the press now, she could have then. Sorry, but his sitting on the Court is a travesty.

          1. Lascauxcaveman

            Part of what I'm saying is she wasn't mad at him back then. And she's not especially mad now, she's just taking this whole Ginny's voicemail thing to get her 15 minutes in the spotlight. Doesn't mean she's lying.

          2. Doglessliberal

            And part of my point is that she, who is a lawyer, knew or should have known full well that what he did was harassment, and it didn't give her pause to think "gee, maybe he shouldn't be a S Ct Justice"? Further, she also sat there silent while Anita Hill was savaged when she could have added support for the testimony. And she now sees nothing wrong with anything she did and is talking to sell her book. She is a pathetic human being.

          3. Lascauxcaveman

            I think I remember news articles about other women Clarence working with saying stuff that basically backed up Hill.

            Maybe she was one of them? Maybe the media said "Well, we're not that interested"? Admittedly, I can't remember that much about the whole deal, it was a long time ago and Wonkette was not there to pique my interest in the dirty underbelly of politics.

          4. OhNoGuy

            "She is a pathetic human being." Because she saw no way to bill multiple hundreds of dollars per hour, she decided to say nothing.

            Thank you for helping pave the way for our modern, soulless SC.

      1. Extemporanus

        Back in 1993, Sandy caught Dave jerking it to a cameo brooch in the Supreme Court cloakroom.

        God, she was such a fuckin' cock blocker…

        1. LionelHutzEsq

          But get her a little drunks, and suddenly your in a three-way with Ginsberg in the cloak room.

  9. Allmighty_Manos

    Gross stories about Clarence Thomas and creepy porn. All we need is a crumbling USSR and Terminator 2 on the big screen and we've got a totally early 90s weekend going on.

    1. OhNoGuy

      Apparently, being a liar is now a requirement for confirmation. If they told the truth, no one except the Confederates would vote for them.

    1. mog253

      Nah, Ginny will just pour more wine, drop to her knees……and continue to pray that bad people will leave St. Thomas alone.

  10. SarcasticNymph

    In light of the recent Thomas news, my wife revealed that she seriously considered naming our daughter (born 1992) Anita Hill ..lastname.. She still shakes with anger when that episode is mentioned.

    I don't begrude Thomas his porn, but every corroborating detail to Anita's story needs to be made as public as possible, as soon as possible.

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      … since Clarence denied everything at the confirmation hearings. Which means the future Justice was lying, unless Anita and all those other ladies were.

  11. metamarcisf

    Today's best headline (RedState):

    "Church, State, and the First Amendment: What Coons Need to Know"

    1. Terry

      Have you been trolling on the bagger blogs again? Your p score appears to have taken another nose dive.

      1. Lefty_Lucy

        Every time I see his bloody p score come staggering up the scroll I think of Jake LaMotta cracking jokes and slumping in his corner before heading out for another round.

  12. Lucidamente1

    Of course he hangs out with Scalia: which of the justices do you think has the biggest tits?

    (Historical note: only William Howard Taft's were bigger.)

  13. PsycWench

    The article referred to Thomas and McEwen as having a "freewheeling sex life". Wonder if that's like a Big Wheel or something.
    She also mentioned him as being interested in women who were young, attractive and black. No wonder his wife is pissed.

      1. PsycWench

        Thanks a lot, I have been trying to suppress the "freewheeling sex life" images since 9:30 am and that did not help.

  14. Not_So_Much

    So, is the bottom line here that Happy Jack/Clarence was who sent the horse-fucking videos to Carl Paladino?

  15. Badonkadonkette

    I admire Lillian McEwen's sense of principle. She stayed silent while Anita Hill endured humiliating and grueling questions about her character for her testimony about Thomas' obsession with porn, his comparing himself to male porn stars, his affinity for Pube 'n Cokes, and his animal/orgy fetish. But when Thomas' wife got involved – man, that was just some weird shit.

    1. Terry

      The Post article said that McEwen was willing to testify, but wasn't called as her relationship with Thomas wasn't professional.

      When you think about it, you could justifiably say that Thomas has probably never had a professional relationship with any of the women with whom he worked.

  16. edgydrifter

    If I were married to a lantern-jawed psychopath, I might spend a lot of time scanning the office for potential "partners" too.

  17. neiltheblaze

    Don't worry Lillian, it will be 19 years before Ginni Thomas calls you on a Saturday morning at your office.

  18. Extemporanus

    That is the photo of a man wracked with internal conflict over an inescapable moustache scent he finds simultaneously repulsive and arousing.

  19. MistaEko

    what he had seen in magazines and films, if there was something worth noting

    What exactly makes a porn scene noteworthy enough to discuss it at a watercooler?

    Not noteworthy: Anything from Milf hunter.

    Definitely Noteworthy: Raylene, Jenteal, and Janine in the infamous double dildo scene in WTBA 8! Creative, physically demanding, and downright artistic!

    1. JustPixelz

      I recommend the documentary film "Who's Nailin' Paylin?". It has a lot of thought provoking scenes about Russian soldiers and a lonely woman in Alaska.

  20. JMPEsq

    Clerks, he hits on clerks; the Supreme Court offices are filled with young, ambitious recent law school grads, many of whom today are nubile females.

  21. CapeClod

    I wonder if Justice Thomas would like to end this issue by voluntarily offering to disclose the browser window history of his personal computer.

  22. Fare la Volpe

    Please, Wonkette, for the love of God, stop talking about anything even remotely related to Clarence Thomas' sex life. Every time you do, I get an image of a bloated, wart-covered blood sausage with hairs sticking out of every available pore and a switchblade on the end coming at my face like a cruise missile. It haunts my nightmares and drives up my therapy visits. Just stop it.

    1. elviouslyqueer

      I'm still trying to recover from yesterday's NPR Juanapalooza, wherein I kept conjuring images of Juan Williams fellating Bill O'Reilly. Years of therapy, Wonkette. YEARS.

      1. drrty_martini

        You guys are WEAK! I'm adding all this to my spank bank, along with Sharron Angle’s acceptance speech on November 2nd

    1. Rotundo_

      Yeah, the image of Antonin and Clarence in lederhosen singing ba-da-bee-doo-day-o-ba-bop-da-bop(googles scat porn, gasps audibly).

      Oh, I see.

      Yes that makes sense too. It's gonna take a lot of beer to kill those brain cells.

  23. BTWBFDIMHO

    Justice Thomas, as a member of the Tit Party, is against Big Bras because tits, like corporations, have a First Amendment right to free speech.

  24. Terry

    "She said Thomas preferred that she would take “the same attitude of his first wife,” who never talked publicly about their relationship. "

    Jaysus, that must have been a creepy phone call. "I prefer that you take the same attitude as my first wife and not talk about our relationship." That sentence begs to be read in a Tony Soprano accent.

  25. chascates

    “He was always actively watching the women he worked with to see if they could be potential partners,” McEwen said matter-of-factly. “It was a hobby of his.”

    So I have something in common with a Supreme Court justice after all.

  26. Lucidamente1

    Now all we need is for John Doggett (a porn name if I ever heard one) to show up and the freak show will be complete.

    1. i_AM_ready

      YES! He was the guy that Biden eviscerated, right? Testified at 3 a.m. about how Anita Hill flirted with him, the point being that she was a slut? And Biden started asking him questions like, "You're quite the ladies' man, huh? How many women come on to you in an average day?" And Doggett just wilted as his big moment in history didn't turn out the way he expected it to.

  27. OneYieldRegular

    Now that the juicy bits are out there gratis, is there any possible reason ANY one should buy this "memoir"?

  28. SaintRond

    That piece of shit perjurer is a judicial sadist who gets his nut off every time he renders a decision, so he's advanced way beyond needing porn to get his kicks.

  29. BklynIlluminati

    Typical day in Mr. Thomas' office…..

    Hey pssst you like gladiator films? Do you know what a Yif is….or hey how about german scheisse video? Come check this out

  30. V572625694

    Me too. But "always actively watching the women he worked with to see if they could be potential partners" is pretty weak sauce to sautee Justice Thomas in. Not that he isn't a hateful hypocrite and pornhound.

    1. i_AM_ready

      Yeah but the Post article also says:
      "Thomas would also tell her about women he encountered at work. He was partial to women with large breasts, she said. In an instance at work, Thomas was so impressed that he asked one woman her bra size, McEwen recalled him telling her."

      That's extremely creepy behavior. Can you imagine how you'd feel if someone talked to you like that at work, especially if he was in a position of authority over you?

      Sorry for ranting, but Thomas is really evil. Sometimes he writes lone dissents that are too mean-spirited even for Scalia. E.g. he says the Constitutional ban on cruel and unusual punishment is not violated even if a prison works inmates 19 hours a day, feeds them rancid meat, has rats that bite them at night, etc. He says the Constitution would only come into play if the judge's sentencing order said, "Defendant X is hereby sentenced to eating rancid meat for 10 years," etc. Otherwise, the conditions are not officially "punishment"; so it's just a matter of "shit happens."

      Not to mention Bush v. Gore.

    2. OhNoGuy

      You don't sautee ANYTHING in a sauce. You sautee first and THEN make the sauce. May Julia Child smack you on the head with a hot cast iron skillet. But you are right about Clarence.

  31. Jukesgrrl

    Breaking News! Recently found in ancient back pages of the Washingtonian:

    SWF Seeks Capitol Partner
    Me: I'm a busty blonde with junk in the trunk. Turn-ons: Porn and ultraconservative politics. You: An up-and-coming (wink, wink) DC power-lawyer with enough time off in the summer to rock a Winnebago every weekend. Age, race, weight, IQ are no issue as long as you can help me interpret the Constitution STRICTLY (and I do mean strictly, Daddy). Did I say I liked porn? Extra points if you own a tri-cornered hat.

    1. Troubledog

      Maude Lebowski: Lord. You can imagine where it goes from here.
      The Dude: He fixes the cable?
      Maude Lebowski: Don't be fatuous, Jeffrey.

  32. mildlysore

    Nor have I ever casually discussed, with a female coworker, scenes "worth noting" in the porno I rented last night. That shit's between me and my Beta Max.

    1. finallyhappy

      All I want to know is what special friend in the Senate was grabbing David's thigh during that dinner? Did we ever find out?

  33. voodooeconomics

    I can picture Old Uncle Thomas sitting there on his desk with the 'scope" out checking the ladies big breastesessss and deciding with his "scope" support who to attack next..
    Total Republican judgeship material right there and there..

    1. OhNoGuy

      This is Daddy Bush's joke on the Negro's. "Look we got the best there is and he's still no damn good". Lee Atwater just sat up laughing in his grave.

      This and his son, are 41's big fat jokes on America.

  34. Mort_Sinclair

    Odds are that Thomas's cardiovascular disease, given his statistical demographic, has put the kibosh on any extended, shall we say, performance on his part.

    This "issue" must have resonated with the Mrs. over the years to the point where she had to do something to put her concerns to rest. Heh. Phoning Anita Hill must have seemed like a good idea at the time. Maybe, just maybe she'll admit she was lying…. Pathetic piece of shit. Mr. and Mrs. Clarence Thomas deserve each other.

  35. SaintRond

    Before I took LSD five thousand times I used to be really misanthropic and back then, faced with Clarence Thomas, I'd have delivered a really terrible racial image that I would have found really funny at the time. Now I can't any more because I'm kind of in love with humans and I don't want to offend my President and his kids.

    So I'll just call this cocksucker an elastic sack of shit for brains motherfucking piece of excremental bat shit fuckwad and have to make do with that. Peace. God bless.

  36. Troubledog

    Also, her book will be one page long. Just like Andre Aggasi's blah blah blah blah I did cocaine blah blah blah the end

  37. Barbara_i

    Dude, you might wanna keep a special eye on your wife to see who she is drunk dialing next. I'm just sayin'…..

  38. Gorilllionaire

    I dig porn and checking out the office honeys too.
    I guess the difference between me and Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas is that I know better than to tell every woman in the office every friggin day that I love porn and that I am checking out their rear ends all day long and then insist that they acknowledge this little quirk about me for my own amusement to the point that people still talk about it twenty years later.

  39. writechic

    Justice Thomas wants everybody to be cuckoo for cocoa cocks. It's his one-man civil-sexual rights movement. He's the Al Sharpton or Gloria Steinem of porny sex. And that's the whole point of his life. The end.

  40. lulzmonger

    *pwned pervo part two: electric booger-flu *

    That phone-call wound up giving Thomas quite the karmic hate-fuck. More proof of what a shockingly beautiful universe this can be.

  41. OhNoGuy

    Hey, Clarence. Here's some advice. Your wife will become the new Martha Mitchell. She knows too much of your ugly story and one day, unless something unfortunate should happen to her, she'll tell it all. For BIG BUCKS.

    So resign now or start Googling "unfortunate" and put on that little, bitty thinking cap you wear on the court. Unless , of course, Scalia hid it again. He laughs and laughs when you go runnin' round the chambers lookin' fo' it.

  42. Lascauxcaveman

    Yeah, I haz a confuzed. I'm not sure if this means I'm not qualified to be a Justice of the Surpreme Court, or if I am qualified to be a Justice of the Surpreme Court.

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