squares from the square states

Ken Buck Will Never Compromise Ever (Except For Colorado $$$!)

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Ranching boys, without compromiseFor the last two years the Republicans have been a wee bit obstructionist in the legislative department! Fortunately they are a minority in both houses of Congress, so the only result of this obstructionism has been the blockage of most of the Democratic agenda and the permanent poisoning of the political culture in Washington. What will happen if they actually control Congress? Will the GOP legislators and the administration come together, figure out what they can both agree on, and compromise for the good of the nation? Or will it be a profound clusterfuck that will make the last two years look like a pleasant dinner party? Let’s ask Ken Buck!

Faithful Wonkette readers remember Ken Buck as the complicated GOP Senate candidate from Colorado, who hates birthers and hates prosecuting rape. Surely someone who can hold these disparate political beliefs would be willing to seek out common ground with his political opponents, right?

I think it’s wrong to compromise your values to fit in with the social climate in Washington, D.C. … When it comes to spending, I’m not compromising. I don’t care who, what, when or where, I’m not compromising.

Oh, Ken Buck, thankfully everyone in the world thinks exactly like you on all subjects, so you will always get your way, every time! But wait! Let’s check in with hilariously named Washington Post writer Dan Balz to find out what Ken Buck said, right before he said that other thing?

Buck, who is in a tight race with appointed Sen. Michael Bennet (D), said in an interview that he would be willing to work with Democrats on some issues of importance to Colorado, but not on the issues that have defined the midterm elections.

Does “Some issues of importance to Colorado” = “keep that sweet, sweet federal earmark money flowing back to my constituents, but fuck those losers in lesser non-Colorado states”? We’re going to say that yes, yes it does. Nice consistent governing philosophy you got there, fraud-bot! [WP]

About the author

Josh was born and raised in Buffalo, New York, leaving him with a love of chicken wings and a tendency to say “pop”. He taught ancient Greek and Roman history to undergraduates before fleeing from academia in terror; worked for a failed San Francisco dot-com that neglected to supply him with stock options or an Aeron chair; lived in Berlin, where he mostly ate Indian and Ethiopian food; finished in third place on his sole Jeopardy! appearance (the correct answer was “Golda Meir”); and was named 2007 Blogger of the Year by The Week, for obvious reasons. Josh is the creator/editor of COMICS CURMUDGEON (which you should read) and does geeky editing and writing about geeky things such as "the Java programming industry for JavaWorld." He lives in Baltimore with his wife Amber and his cat Hoagie.

View all articles by Josh Fruhlinger


Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • forgracie

    GOP control of the house will result in a shitstorm of subpoenas. Bo himself will be brought in and his nose rubbed in the taint of Oval Office droppings. Don't expect any governance–expect WWF style antics.

    • horsedreamer_1

      I have said it before, but Shirley Sherrod's firing will be the basis for Articles of Impeachment.

      I know I cannot wait to see what kind of robe Judge Roberts comes up with to outgay the gayest Supreme ever, Bill Rehnquist.

  • PublicLuxury

    Buck that. I think not getting your way everytime on every thing is wrong. Christine should have her way. Bucky should have his way. Angle should have her way.

    Just buck up already and take it whiny little baby democrats. For crissake you'd think the democrats are the fucking French or something. Buck Up!

  • NorthStarSpanx

    The Left-Going Zax puffed his chest up with pride. "I never," he said, "take a step to one side. And I'll prove to you that I won't change my ways If I have to keep standing here fifty-nine days!"

    "And I'll prove to YOU," yelled the Right-Going Zax, "That I can stand here in the prairie of Prax For fifty-nine years! For I live by a rule That I learned as a boy back in Right-Going School. Never budge! That's my rule. Never budge in the least! Not an inch to the west! Not an inch to the east! I'll stay here, not budging! I can and I will If it makes you and me and the whole world stand still!"

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Heh. Between that, the Lorax, Yertle the Turtle, Horton Hears a Who, and the Sneetches, that Dr. Seuss was one preachy, moralizing old bastard, wasn't he?

      Dead on, every time.

  • freakishlywrong

    but not on the issues that have defined the midterm elections.
    So, no compromise on witches, aqua Buddhas, the gays, Latino/Asian children and masturbation? Lame.

    • DustBowlBlues

      Hey, you loser with a shit memory. I'll bet he doesn't budge an inch on anchor babies or anchor fake birth certificates, either. (Just seeing a conservative Republithug in front of a Boys Ranch sign makes me sick. Haven't those poor children suffered enough?)

      • freakishlywrong

        It's not just the children who've suffered, the last two years have been fucking torture.

    • LionelHutzEsq

      Don't forget building Mosques within a few feet of strip bars in lower Manhattan! We will never forget!

  • CapeClod

    I will never compromise my values, except if the price is right.

    • DashboardBuddha

      Come on down!

    • Bonzos_Bed_Time

      Now that is CHANGE we can believe in!

    • LionelHutzEsq

      Mitch McConnell?

  • Serolf_Divad

    I am totally against the indefensible evil of Federal spending and will never, Never, NEVER compromise on this sacred principle* !!!!

    *Except as pertains to Federal spending for Colorado.

  • JMPEsq

    If the Republicans take over, the fact each of them has an ethos of "No pork spending, except for my home district / state" should make budget negotiations interesting.

    BTW, do we have to have that horrible, automatic talking ad? Some of us are at work and don't wank to annoy our coworkers too.

    • http://littlewanking.blogspot.com/ harry_palmer

      You wank to entertain them?!

      (Cheap but I couldn't pass it up!)

    • Katydid

      O'Rly? Why then do you wank at work? Inquiring minds & etc.

      • JMPEsq

        I don't, because it would annoy my coworkers, as I said. (Fuckin' spellcheck when you mistype to a real word; also it's kind of surprising that it recognizes "wank"

        • Moonbat

          It's the Wonkette spellcheck; it also recognizes "buttsecks" and "trucknutz."

          • LionelHutzEsq

            I only wank to annoy my coworkers. There is really nothing like a good hate wank.

  • Katydid

    I won't compromise!
    I will!
    I won't!
    I will!

  • Ruhe

    "Profound Clusterfuck" That sounds like a phrase Ken would use when he swears the boys to secrecy as to what will be going on at the ranch.

    • Moonbat

      Little-known fact: "Operation Profound Clusterfuck" was the working title of "Operation Iraqi Freedom," used during planning stages to preserve secrecy.

      • Ruhe

        If that's true the the mission accomplished banner makes perfect sense.Sent from my BlackBerry device from Cincinnati Bell Wireless

  • MistaEko

    Considering compromise?!!! Prepare for angry tea party photoshops with LIAR and TRAITOR and your nose stretched out with the smudge tool, Buck!

  • Toomush_Infer

    Issues of importance in Colorado:

    1) Let's keep the mountains.

    2) Skiing is great, but not as great as skateboarding.

    3) Coke going into the noses of street people in the Park in Denver should continue until they wither up and die.

    4) Federal spending sucks unless it is aimed straight at Boulder.

    • Bonzos_Bed_Time

      5) Keep communist bicycles away from our impressionable youth.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe
  • SayItWithWookies

    Ken Buck will never compromise — just like the cashiers at the Dollar Store.

  • Bluestatelibel

    No spending whatsoever? I guess that means the end of the Armed Services. At least it solves the "Don't ask, don't tell" thing.

  • walstib

    Does he have to stroke some poles over there north of Colorado Springs or are the closeted homos just going to vote for him cause he loves the Baby Jeebus?

  • Oblios_Cap

    Better to reign in Hell than to serve in Heaven!

  • V572625694

    How about some nice cuts here, Bucky?:

    1. Denver Mint*
    2. Denver Federal Center
    3. Rocky Mountain Arsenal (former nerve gas depot, now a wildlife "refuge," because fuck it, it's too hard to clean that shit up)
    4. Energy (formerly "Solar") Research Institute
    5. Fort Carson (3 brigades plus a Green Beret battalion)
    6. Cheyenne Mountain "Air Force Base" (an underground command post)
    7. Peterson Air Force Base (home of the Northern Alliance or some shit like that)
    8. Schriever (yes that's spelled right) AFB (home of the "Space [really!] Command" )
    9. Buckley AFB (ANG and some spooky antennae)
    10. US Air Force Academy, a Christian madrassa on a 200,000-acre reservation
    11. Ralph Lauren's ranch at Ridgway (okay, probably not a current federal funds recipient, but still…)

    *He probably would cut the Mint, cuz it's in downtown Denver, a safe Demo seat.

    • http://wonkette.com Clancy_Pants

      He'll probably cut da mint after Jim DeMint cancelled his fundraising appearance last night.

    • Terry

      "3. Rocky Mountain Arsenal (former nerve gas depot, now a wildlife "refuge," because fuck it, it's too hard to clean that shit up) "

      Fun fact. The creeks that run across the Rocky Flats land drain into lakes/reservoirs that are drinking water for the city of Denver. No kidding.

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    Sweet! Sweet, sweet water. Tie in the Ogalala Aquabuddafer and it will be all-out war amongst a pack of parched horny badgers in too small a cage. Lovely idea, email Barry at once and when it starts in February of 2011 CSPAN watching will be hotter than the hottest porn site on the intertubes.

  • el_chupacabra


  • Mindblank

    Well, there's *someone* who needs his teat taken away so he can go suck somewhere else.

  • JMPEsq

    Currently, I'm trying to help the New California Republic keep control of the Hoover Damn, and thus the water supply for New Vegas and the surrounding wasteland, against the attacks of Casar's Legions. Fun times.

  • Bonzos_Bed_Time

    Rape kits for everyone!

    (would be a good screen name!)

  • Toomush_Infer

    Seriously, we here in Michigan know what happens when excessive campaign spending results in media balance results in legislative balance results in nothing but clusterfuck. Our new idea, based on just-plain-tiredness, is to ask Lansing to just take the money and go home, like the rest of us (except for the money part)….that way, we could start WoF and Jeopardy earlier in the day, with the same result…

  • JustPixelz

    "I think it’s wrong to compromise your values to fit in with the social climate in Washington"

    It's not a "social climate", it's the Senate of the United States of America where he would represent the citizens of Colorado — all of them, even the ones who didn't vote for him.

    However, if we reach the point where legislators only represent the people who voted for them, we could fairly call that "taxation without representation" which the British tried back in the olde days.

    • V572625694

      But that's not why he wants to be a Senator-dude. He most certainly does want to be in the "social climate" in which lavish bribes campaign contributions are pocketed, future lobbyist jobs are planned, personal favors are repaid and granted, and hot babes (or boys) are discreetly available. But he wants the prevailing culture to change enough that they won't laugh at him for wearing cowboy boots with a suit, like they did at Alan Simpson.

  • chicken_thief

    Not to turn things all serious and shit, but I can understand where Buck is coming from. Comprise requires paying attention to issues, listening to new ideas, searching for common ground. Try doing that after a righteous night of slamming down some icy cold ones with the lobbyists and their hawt "friends". Follow the nuances of foreign policy at 10:30 AM after doing that final line of blow (one for the road!) off of Mystique's sweet tittie at 5:30? Fuck that! Just go with the "I ain't compromising!" and all bases are covered.

    • gvvt

      Hell – it becomes a point of "honor"

  • HistoriCat

    Maybe he can get that Foreign Relations seat if Christine O'Donnell loses her election.

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ donner_froh

    Buck will compromise on anything other than his brand of personal lubricant on the days he wears his assless chaps and big spurs on his boots.