ONE MORE THING  10:06 am October 22, 2010

Obama Tries To Steal Election With Free iPads For Everybody

by Josh Fruhlinger

You will be getting one of theseSo we don’t know if you heard but it sounds like the midterm elections might not go so well, for the Democrats! Naturally this is of some concern to Barack Obama, who barely was able to pass any good laws despite controlling an overwhelming congressional majority, so who knows how he’s going to deal with a Republican congress. He could try helping his party win by the traditional methods — “campaigning,” “being popular,” etc. — but remember, Barack Obama came to Washington to change the tone there, to really shake things up, so obviously he’s going to blaze a new path. What will the Democrats’ “October Surprise” be? Will Barack Obama extract a promise from Steve Jobs that every American voter will receive a free iPad? Maybe!

Or maybe not? NOBODY KNOWS what happened at the secretive meeting between Obama and Jobs!

Obama’s first stop was a meeting with Apple Chief Executive Steve Jobs, a Silicon Valley icon whom the president sought and last met with while on the 2008 campaign trail. Though details are scant about their 45-minute private conversation at the Westin Hotel in San Francisco, White House officials said Obama and Jobs discussed technology, education, and job creation.

Hmmm, “job creation” probably means that the NIH cloning labs are ramping up their production facilities to churn out an army of Steve Jobses, so he/they can personally deliver iPads to everyone.

Then the president went to the private homes of Silicon Valley nerd royalty to raise more money. Google honcho Marissa Mayer had a fundraiser (with a weirdly specific $30,400-per-plate ticket price) where Obama wondered why new companies weren’t rising up to destroy the companies that all the rich people in the room worked for, which probably made them nervous. But they had already paid their money, ha ha!

Oh, also, were there pictures of Obama and Hillary Clinton with Hitler mustaches?

Along the way, neighbors came out to try to catch a glimpse of the president. There also was a smattering of protesters, including one group that held up a large sign saying, “Goodbye Wall Street Traitors” with pictures of Obama and Secretary of State Hillary Clinton in Hitler mustaches.

Yes, of course there were pictures of Obama and Hillary Clinton with Hitler mustaches. [San Jose Mercury News]

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walstib October 22, 2010 at 10:09 am

Seeing as hows I don't menstruate, I'll pass.

Wait, what?

weejee October 22, 2010 at 10:11 am

Yeah, the ragging Teatards want free Maxi Pads.

PsycWench October 22, 2010 at 10:37 am

I mean, really, who wants youPads?

NorthStarSpanx October 22, 2010 at 11:36 am

Teatards don't menstruate, they are busy choosing life and making babies all the times.

HistoriCat October 22, 2010 at 2:28 pm

Or being beyond that stage and having hot flashes.

Doglessliberal October 22, 2010 at 10:11 am

My iMac just died. Can I have a new one instead of an iPad, please?

Lascauxcaveman October 22, 2010 at 11:32 am

I'm sorry for your loss.

One of those white G5 ones? Because the video cards and logic boards in those suck and are always asploding.

Doglessliberal October 22, 2010 at 12:39 pm

Yes! And $400+ to repair, so I am nor repairing it, waiting for Xmas bonus and buying a new one. This is almost 7 years old.

Lascauxcaveman October 22, 2010 at 2:36 pm

The newer Intel Core Duo models I have at home and work seem to be rock solid (Knock on wood). I see they are now selling i3 i5 and i7s, whatever those are. Anyway, best of luck.

Doglessliberal October 22, 2010 at 2:39 pm

This is good to know. Thank you!

CablinasianDem October 22, 2010 at 10:15 am

Facing elections with the lingering effects of a recession and an incredibly impatient constituency? There's an app for that.

NorthStarSpanx October 22, 2010 at 11:39 am

OCD Instant Gratification generation.

Fred_Wertham_Jr October 22, 2010 at 10:16 am

How do you know they weren't Charlie Chaplin mustaches? Just another wacko accusation from the lieberal media.

Serolf_Divad October 22, 2010 at 10:16 am

Obama had a private meeting with Steve Jobs at a Westin hotel just after recording an "it gets better" YouTube message?

Hmmm… I'm not saying… I'm just saying, that's all.

Terry October 22, 2010 at 10:22 am

The Westin Hotel in….San Francisco. Only thing better would have been a boutique hotel in the Castro.

OneDollarJuana October 22, 2010 at 12:22 pm

By "private meeting" they meant that Obama sat in the third row with Jobs on the stage with a giant iPad on the screen behind him. Honestly, have you seen any picture of Jobs (or Ballmer, for that matter) when he wasn't on stage?

Serolf_Divad October 22, 2010 at 10:17 am

OMFG, where did you see an iPad for $400?!

Lascauxcaveman October 22, 2010 at 11:35 am

Clearly you haven't been faithfully reading the sidebar ads on your Wonkette. If you had been, you'd have noticed the street price for an iPad falls anywhere between $27.85 to $48.16.

Perhaps you were just distracted by the Walmart $1000 free gift card ad shouting at you?

JMPEsq October 22, 2010 at 12:07 pm

Nah, the price of an iPad is free* if you can hit the target.

JMPEsq October 22, 2010 at 10:20 am

Hm… no, he might be helping Obama but Steve Jobs is still evil.

Monsieur_Grumpe October 22, 2010 at 10:21 am

Is there any public figure that hasn’t had a Hitler mustache applied to their likeness? I thought so.

JMPEsq October 22, 2010 at 10:44 am

Well Michael Jordan did it to himself.

horsedreamer_1 October 22, 2010 at 10:52 am

MJ is reclaiming it for the non-genocidal, non-sociopathic masses. Only a man (or woman) with such cool as the Chicago Bulls legend could undo the association of that stache with National Socialism.

Or, it could just be another fuck you from Jordan to one of his haters (Bulls owner Jerry Reinsdorf).

I like to think he's reclaiming it, though.

Not_So_Much October 22, 2010 at 11:02 am

Found that surprising. What with his college education and all. One would think he'd display a more subtle academic sensitivity… Then take his pals out for strippers and Kristal to make it rain.

Terry October 22, 2010 at 10:21 am

An iPad is a gizmo that's more powerful than the first 5-6 computers I owned or worked on and I can fit mine into my larger purses. Also, I can play Angry Birds on it.

WarAndGee October 22, 2010 at 10:22 am

“Goodbye Wall Street Traitors”

When capitalism fails, it's government's fault.

And when capitalism fails TO FAIL it's still government's fault.

A tea bagger hates the government with his mind, but quietly favors it to save his ass.

We are a nation of so much stupid.

mookwrthwilson October 22, 2010 at 10:30 am

Those probably weren't baggers. They were probably the LaRouchites.

horsedreamer_1 October 22, 2010 at 10:53 am

I was thinking Nader voters. This is California, after all; Bay Area, specifically.

Check the local organizing committees at Berkeley, Davis, & Santa Cruz.

mookwrthwilson October 22, 2010 at 11:35 am

I voted for Nader in 2000 (in NJ where it was safe to do so) and I don't think either Barry or Hills have anything in common with Hitler.

BarryOPotter October 22, 2010 at 10:32 am

WarAndGee, you must have a laser-sighted hammer with advanced Nail-Finding(TM) innards, because no matter where you swing that thing, you continually tag nails on the head. Kudos.

GuyClinch October 22, 2010 at 10:23 am

$30,400 a plate? Dang, add in the wine and tip, and that's pretty serious dough.

mrblifil October 22, 2010 at 10:32 am

Yes but "happy ending" is all but guaranteed.

stampyelephant October 22, 2010 at 11:35 am

$30,400 is the maximum amount you can donate to a party committee this election cycle – which doesn't make it any less of a random amount, I guess.

harry_palmer October 22, 2010 at 10:24 am

Pretty harsh to call him a traitor when Obama's been true-blue to Wall Street.

mookwrthwilson October 22, 2010 at 10:25 am

Oh those LaRouchites…so cute with their Chaplinesque humor.

CablinasianDem October 22, 2010 at 10:26 am

I'm hoping this meeting wasn't caused by a top-page polling result with a false capitalization that read, "Americans want Jobs," instead of "Americans want jobs."

charlesdegoal October 22, 2010 at 10:28 am

Mustaches = graphic illustration of Goodwin's law.

Lascauxcaveman October 22, 2010 at 12:04 pm

Naw, it's just fun drawing mustaches on people's faces.

Don't tell me you never defaced your mom's discarded magazines in that way. When I was a kid, we'd spend hours with a Sharpie® and piles of old magazines, just drawing mustaches, beards, cigars, funny hats, goofy stuff in the background. My siblings and friends loved to do this too.

You could say we were from The Greatest Generation. We invented Blingee®.

MoeDeLawn October 22, 2010 at 1:09 pm

erasing pupils for the white-eyed zombie look was/is also quite entertaining

charlesdegoal October 22, 2010 at 1:15 pm

You guys wax nostalgic as hell. I can't even remember that far back.

mrblifil October 22, 2010 at 10:31 am

Actually he just called Steve Jobs in to explain why the QuickTime icon is not on his desktop anymore.

BarryOPotter October 22, 2010 at 10:33 am

I know, right? And would a little soap and water kills those fuckers? No, uh, seriously, I'm asking is that how to get rid of them?

PsycWench October 22, 2010 at 10:35 am

"He could try helping his party win by the traditional methods — “campaigning,” “being popular,” etc."

He COULD try the non-traditional method of telling Dems to quit being pussies and Reps to look up the definition of bipartisanship, since the current one is "doing what we want you to do".

JustPixelz October 22, 2010 at 10:37 am


Roast unicorn in brown gravy
Freedom fries with moon cheese sauce
Jack's magic bean salad with almond slivers
Gingerbread man cookies (female cookies available upon request)
Taster's choice coffee

neiltheblaze October 22, 2010 at 10:38 am

At least Barry isn't trying to buy votes with those pink trucknutz phones.

V572625694 October 22, 2010 at 10:40 am

Finally an excuse for this link:

V572625694 October 22, 2010 at 10:41 am

Finally an excuse for this link:

RedneckMuslin October 22, 2010 at 10:43 am

Barry got this idea from Oprah. You get an iPad! You get an iPad! Everybody gets an iPad! Just Chicago politics.

Come here a minute October 22, 2010 at 10:47 am

They were just arranging the automatic iPad "software update" where the device sets every evil Diebold machine in a 50 mile radius to "Leans Dem".

superdave October 22, 2010 at 10:48 am

Woohoo! NIH cloning lab in da hizzouse! Gots me a couple Steve clones right here in my office building me an IPad 4G Extreme.

horsedreamer_1 October 22, 2010 at 10:55 am

Our Luo-in-Chief wanted to show Apple what "safari" really means.

Mindblank October 22, 2010 at 11:06 am

Surprising, because Democrats hate our Steve Jerbs.

SayItWithWookies October 22, 2010 at 11:06 am

I've finally trained everybody who visits or hangs out not to get their greasy fingerprints all over my laptop's display and now Steve Jobs wants to sell me an iPad? Screw you, Steve Jobs. Anyway, I won't be needing a portable computer until I can get stoned at the local coffee shop, so if you want to fix something, work on that.

marinmaven October 22, 2010 at 12:54 pm

Come to California where possession of under an ounce is only a $100 ticket (our state needs the cash). Stay and vote for Proposition 19 and if it passes, you can get high for the cost of the weed. The Feds will still bust you like it is nobody's business though.

SudsMcKenzie October 22, 2010 at 11:13 am

iBalls anyone?

CapeClod October 22, 2010 at 11:23 am

Isn't an iPad just like an iPhone that you can't make phone calls with. I want one! I hate when people call me.

Toomush_Infer October 22, 2010 at 11:36 am

I dunno….is this the place to speculate that all that money for supposedly small businesses and corporate expansion is just going into robotics….for job creation….? I know it doesn't sound very snarky, but wait for it…

chicken_thief October 22, 2010 at 11:49 am

Hmm. I thought Silicon Valley is where all the hawties went to get their tits inflated to life saving, it's now impossible to drown size. Nobama and Jobs were jes doin what guys do when they get together at big dinners/weddings/funerals/etc – scanning the crowd and playing a round of "which bitch would you do?"

prommie October 22, 2010 at 12:55 pm

You elitist. Doesn't everybody deserve some love? Thats the way I like to thnk, when scanning the crowd, anyway.

prommie October 22, 2010 at 12:15 pm

I frequently gaze out upon the tea-partying, nascar-watching, republican-voting, gun-worshipping lottery-playing imbeciles that make up the majority of the US public, and I wonder to myself, why ain't I rich? I mean, how come I can't think of a way to get them to give me their money? Other imbeciles have figured it out, Palin, for example, and her obvious idol, Madonna. But then I realize, its because I can't think like an imbecile; I keep trying to come up with something worthwhile and necessary that I can sell them. What a fool I am, the trick is to come up with something worthless and completely unnecessary. This is what Steve Jobs does.

Chet Kincaid October 22, 2010 at 3:29 pm

His 15 minutes are way past over, and I think Dan Lyons doesn't really know as much about Apple history, Jobs or technology as he pretends he does, but this post put me in mind of a classic from the early, non-sucky days of Fake Steve Jobs:

Terry October 22, 2010 at 10:45 am

WordStar. I did my thesis on a DEC Rainbow using Wordstar. You had two floppy disk drives, one for the floppy containing Wordstar and one for the floppy with your files. Stats (SAS) had to be on the mainframe. Semi-colons haunted my dreams.

I hadn't see the Halloween one. Woo hooo!

Texan_Bulldog October 22, 2010 at 10:53 am

My first computer was a Radio Shack TRS 80 with a dot matrix printer (lots of "goto" and "loop" commands), and I learned to type on an IBM Selectric typewriter. Aaaah…good times.

And to paraphrase Chuck Heston: "I'll give you my iPad when you take it from my cold, dead hands!"

Lascauxcaveman October 22, 2010 at 11:43 am

I had a TI 99 with those cute little program and game cartridges. Mostly I was just programming goofy video display stuff in Basic.

My band used to set up several TV's on stage, hook them up to the TI 99 and they'd flash random colors and shapes while we played. We were pretty freaking Hi-Tech for 1982.

Advn2rgirl October 22, 2010 at 11:26 pm

:: We had a Trash 80 and my dad would buy us Games Magazine. You had to type in pages and pages of BASIC to get some crappy version of Asteriods or something. The debugging alone could kill a Saturday. This is probably why I became a liberal arts major. ::

HistoriCat October 22, 2010 at 2:31 pm

I learned to program BASIC on punch cards at the local community college. A guy with 70s long hair, beard and mustache fed the cards into the computer for you.

And I wore an onion on my belt because that was the style back then.

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